He Moratorium

It's bad enough I had to put a moratorium on His name. Now I have to do the same about mentioning Him at all. This shit is getting us nowhere, and it gives me heart burn. And I'm sick and fucking tired of arguing with Richard about this. So from here on out, nobody (including me) is allowed to mention Him again. This is fucking stupid and repetitive. Nobody is ever going to see the other's side.

Sorry for yelling. That Wal-Mart story ruined my day.

I Hate People

I just heard this and it made me want to vomit. I am of the belief that every asshole that pushed their way into the store should be charged with manslaughter. The fucking assholes that refused to leave when the other Wal-Mart employees told them that you have to leave the store because someone is fucking dead should get the chair. This is some of the most senseless shit I've heard in a long time. I don't want to hear a word about how fucked the economy is either, because if 2,000 fucking people were willing to KILL someone to get into a fucking shitty Wal-Mart, we've got a ways to go before there is a problem. I am embarrassed to be an American. I was having a fine day, and now it is ruined.

Side Note: Wal-Mart will do nothing to help this poor dude's family, because they are a horrible, horrible, monstrosity that caters to and takes advantage of idiots that don't know better.

Friday Afternoon Coast

It's now 3. Been here for about 8.5 hours. Got a whole bunch of work done. Now I am in full on stare at the clock mode. I was just given another project, but am going to do what I tend to do on Friday afternoons, which is open the file in front of me on my desk, and surf the Internet while pretending to "research". I will also try to stare down at it, or pretend to write when one of my bosses walks by. 80% of the time, it works all the time. I've been at the job for 6 months now, and haven't been caught (at least where anyone said anything) so I'm going to go ahead and assume it is working. Plus, I was here an hour plus earlier than anyone else, and didn't take an hour and a half lunch. No opinions or intelligence to pass along really. I had a sweet trade on NBA2k9 last night: Bogut, Mbah-a-Moute (who is WAY better in real life than on the game), Francisco Elson and a 2nd rd pick to the Lakers for Lamar Odom, 2 1st rd picks and some asshole bench warmer to replace Elson who was like the 14th guy on my roster. The Lakers accepted except that selfish prick Odom refused to waive his no trade clause. 75 minutes before I can leave without permission.

Stupid Comment

Just wanted to comment something I read in the Wisconsin State Journal recently. Sports columnist Tom Oates wrote an article on the Packers/He situation where he said trading He was the "wrong move." I have no problem with that. Oates is entitled to his opinion.

What I have a problem with is a statement he made comparing He and Rodgers. Oates said, "He's infinitely more experienced than Rodgers and, despite His age, more gifted athletically." What the fuck? What is the measurement used here? Athletically, the only standard you could argue in He's favor is arm strength. And from what I've heard current Packers say, that's a toss up. Is Oates saying He has more mobility? That's fucking ridiculous.

Black Friday, Blackout Saturday

So I'm coming live to you from an office in a small town near Green Bay, WI. I'm at work. This is on a top 5 list of last places on Earth I want to be right about now.

Dragging myself out of bed at 5:00 a.m. is never easy. But after ingesting 11,800 calories the day before, it is even more difficult. So I need to sit at work while the rest of the world either gets into a fistfight over whatever the newest Elmo toy is, sleeps off a hangover, or gets drunk.

The thing is, I had a crapload of work to do today, and probably needed to come in, but that isn't the point. The point is that there is more than one televised sporting even on in the middle of the afternoon today.

If I were President Obama, the fourth thing I would institute as law (right after the legalization of marijuana, the lowering of the age of consent to 16 and forcing the NCAA to adopt Juicelaw's Dream D-I NCAA Football Get Together) would be to make it mandatory for employers to give their employees paid time off any time there is a televised major sporting event on before 5 p.m. on a weekday. Of course, this would have to exclude baseball (except playoffs and College World Series) and golf (except majors). Otherwise, this wouldn't be that hard to put in place, and would make very few additional days off. One example would be today when there are numerous college basketball and football games on. Others I can think of would be most days between Christmas and New Year's (although if JDDNFGT was the rule, there would be no bowl games on these days) and 1st round of NCAA basketball (which I used to, and hope to in the future, take off for anyway). Those would be the biggies. It just seems fair.

As an aside, Best Buy was PACKED at 6:05 a.m. CST this morning.

But the next few days aren't a total loss. Saturday, at approximately 4:00 p.m., I am going to commence drinking myself into a coma in preparation for Packers/Panthers on Sunday. Either that, or mourning Richard's death (depending on whether he brings up OJSFA vetoes or He). Regardless, Sports Bottle is showing up around 9 p.m., and then it will be really on like Donkey Kong. I imagine we will head down to the stadium district, listen to the hair metal/stadium rock/wedding music, and point and laugh at all the white trash and old people trying to grind up on the random group of hot chicks that is there for the bachelorette or birthday party (this never fails).

I am considering finding a sports bar nearby my house that can get the CU-Nebraska tilt, and watch while waiting for Sports Bottle. But I'm not sure that a)there is one, b)Richard will give a shit or c) Sports Bottle wants to go through the hassle of meeting somewhere.

No matter what happens, it is likely going to be memorable, because Richard never goes anywhere without his girlfriend and doesn't do something ridiculous. This time I bet I'm stopping at Shopko to buy him boxers on the way to the game Sunday morning because he had the pair he was wearing to the bars stolen Saturday night, and shit in the other pair he brought along.

Sunday is going to come early.

Monday is too.

Funny Comments and Weather

Mark Schlereth just predicted that the Titans would win 31-3 today. I laughed out loud. It could seriously happen though. I wholeheartedly disagree with taking the games from Detroit and Dallas. Even though there is the possibility of shitty games, it is kind of cool that a)you can always count on the same two teams playing and b) there is at least a 1 in 8 chance of the Packers playing on Thanksgiving, which I think is sort of cool.

While flipping through the channels just now, my wife stopped on the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. There is some Broadway cast singing a Christmas Carol. She says, "I hate theatre fags." Alrighty then.

Early forecast for Sunday: High of 33, 40% chance of snow, 100% chance of me being hungover

Worhless, Uninformed Top 25, Picks, Stuffing

Rank(BCS)Record (Last Week)

-New this week: Teams in bold have clinched an automatic bid to Juice's Dream D-I NCAA Football Get Together (JDDNFGT), presented by Cockring Emporium ("Any Cock'll Do!"), by winning their conference championships.


1(1) Alabama 11-0(1)
2(6) Utah 12-0(3)
3(2) Texas 10-1(2)
4(9) Boise St. 11-0(5)
5(8) Penn St. 11-1(6)
6(15)Ball St. 11-0(8)
7(3) Oklahoma 10-1(12)
8(7) Texas Tech 10-1(4)
9(4) Florida 10-1(7)
10(10)Ohio St. 10-2(10)
11(14)TCU 10-2(13)
12(5) USC 9-1(9)
13(11)Georgia 9-2(11)
14(16)Cincinnati 9-2(17)
15(18)BYU 10-2(14)
16(12)Oklahoma St. 9-2(15)
17(13) Missouri 9-2(16)
18(17)Oregon St. 8-3(23)
19(NR)Western Michigan 9-2(19)
20(19)Michigan St. 9-3(18)
21(24)Northwestern 9-3(21)
22(NR)Tulsa 9-2(24)
23(NR)Central Michigan 8-3(20)
24(NR)Rice 8-3(NR)
25(21)Boston College 8-3(NR)



Dropped Out: LSU (22), Pitt (25)



Grossly Overrated: Florida (4), USC (5)



Grossly Underrated: Boise St.(9), Ball St.(15), Western Michigan (NR)



PICKS:

Last Week: 8-8
Season: 81-91-4

Ten (-11), Dal (-13), Phi (-3), Buf (-6.5), Bal (-7), Ind (-4.5), Car (+3), Mia (NL), NYG (-3.5), Atl (+4.5), Pit (+1), NYJ (-7.5), KC(+3), Min (-3), Hou (-3)

Thanksgiving today. Getting together with family generally sucks. Food will be good. The football will be terrible. And I gotta go to work at like 6 fucking 30 tomorrow, so this really isn't much of a day off. I hope A-Peter chokes on a turkey bone and dies today.

Thanksgiving, He and, oh yeah, Guitar Hero

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow. Eat a lot of turkey then take a nap. That's my plan.

I would like to give my opinion on the overall the Packers/He situation because I know one of our loyal readers gets really defensive when a negative word is spoken about He. This unnamed reader doesn't understand how someone like yours truly can dislike He after the awesome 16 years He gave to us. But this reader does admit both He and the Packers handled the off season situation poorly.

Well, I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with this reader. He Who Shall Not Be Named couldn't have handled the off season any worse, from a Packer fan standpoint. Maybe it was His goal the entire time to get moved to another team and the fake retirement and the controversy it caused when He wanted to come back was His master plan. And if it was, bravo, I say, bravo. Chancellor Palpatine thinks that was a great plan. But I just think it was a retarded move and He couldn't have handled it any worse. People will bitch that the Pack didn't show Him the loyalty He deserved. Well, fucknuts, what about the loyalty he owes the Packers? I believe it was the Packers that traded for Atlanta's backup QB. I'm pretty sure He didn't trade the Falcons for the Packers. If it's an issue of betrayal or loyalty either He betrayed the Packers and they're fans or the Packer's betrayed Him. Which is worse? I argue the former. He did not show loyalty to the organization who made Him or to the fans that loved Him.

From a personal standpoint the whole "how can you forget the past 16 years" argument holds no weight whatsoever. I've always been a die hard Packer fan my whole life. If Juice is a 10 as a Packer fan, I'm a 9.9. The .1 is the fact I turn off the Packer game when it gets too frustrating and I don't watch preseason games. Anyways, I was never a He apologist. "Awwww, he's just a regular human being so His addiction to painkillers is endearing." That's what I've always heard. It's almost as if people thought it was cute that He was addicted to drugs. Horseshit. He got a free pass with that one. My main point here would be I was never a He fan, I was a He as a Packer QB fan. As soon as He goes to another team He becomes Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Kyle Orton to me. He's another QB on another team. Am I supposed to root for Him? No fucking way. Am I supposed to love a girl when she leaves me for another man?

My final point is the Packers handled the whole off season the only way they could have. He retired, which means He (theoretically) was never going to play football again. Thus the Pack did exactly what they should have and told the former 1st round draft pick he was now their guy. It wasn't a smart move, it was the only move. So, when dumbshit decides to come back the Pack is just supposed to say 'fuck you Rodgers'? And then He finds it necessary to do these TV interviews? The only purpose that could serve was to make the Pack look bad b/c average Joe Buttfuck is gonna believe anything He says. So, again, who betrayed who? He's an asshole who could've gotten what He wanted in a much quieter way. He created the situation. Why do people forget that? The Pack holds no responsibility for the creation of this event. These die hard retards have blinders on and He can do no wrong.

Overall, we're much better in the long run with the way things turned out. I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't want He to come back. I think we'd have been better this year. Rodgers is gonna be good for a long time, so in the end, He can go fuck himself.

Related tangent - let me begin this rant with a disclaimer. I believe He is obviously one of the greatest QBs of all time. No question about it. But my views on He are more like a non-Packer fan view. Many fans of He believe he's the greatest QB ever but most people who I've heard who aren't specific He fans (i.e. current and former NFL players) don't usually have him in the top 3, and I wouldn't either. That's not a dis. Being considered a top 5 or 10 QB off all time is unbelievable. But my point for this tangent is to say He's the worst clutch QB out of all the all time greats. When the light shone the brightest (final minutes of the 2nd Super Bowl vs the Broncos or the 4th and 26 game against the Eagles) He couldn't pull it off. I'm not saying the losses were His fault but He was given the chance to win it. When the light shone the brightest, Montana and Elway did their best work. Would either of those two had thrown that pass in the said Eagles game? Or what about the interception in last season's NFC championship game?

Final He thought just to make that unnamed reader's face a little less red with anger. He was a great great great QB. He made some shitty players good (here's to you Antonio Freeman and Bill Schroeder). He was a winner and I loved the 16 years he gave us.

Played guitar hero last night for the first time. Seems extremely retarded at first but is actually pretty fun once you get the hang of it.

Had a couple pints of the new Leinie's brown ale recently. I consider myself well versed in the brown ales seeing how New Glarus Fat Squirrel, Big Sky Moose Drool and Tommy Knocker Imperial are my 3 favorite beers. That being said, wasn't a big fan of the Leinie's version. It seems to me to be the light version of a brown ale. Not a bad beer but not a beer I'd buy again.

Monday night game was a disaster and I listened to it on the radio. Must have been much worse visually. 38 He references? 1) I was right with my "way over" 24.5 prediction 2) 38? What the fuck? Was it all Kornheiser? I don't give a fuck, 38 is ridiculous. Do you know how many He references I heard on the radio broadcast of the exact same game? None. There may have been a couple, but I don't remember. Silver lining - I had Brees, Moore and Colston on one fantasy team.

Final message to all those He apologists from my boy..............................

The Dirty South

I don't even know what to say.  Any time you allow a team to score the most points they have ever scored in a game, there isn't much to say.  What bothers me the most is that you can't have any idea how the team is going to play from week to week.  Just when you think you know something, it turns out to be proven wrong.  The one thing we all thought we knew about the Pack before last night's game was that their secondary is borderline dominant, and at the very least the Saints would have to get lucky to beat us with the pass.  Well, two 70 yard TDs later, I now don't believe the secondary is worth a shit.  Did McCarthy get badly out coached?  I would have to say yes.  When your team's strength gets attacked and exposed that badly, I think it boils down to game planning, and how well you can adjust in-game.  Clearly, Payton was able to adjust.  The only real semi-bright spot was the running game.  It is strange to put up 29 points and be disappointed in the offense, but I think there were points left on the field.  Truthfully though, we couldn't have won no matter what, when you give up a half a hundred.

 

So what does this all mean?  Well, we are still in the race, as sad as that is.  But this weeks game is officially a must win.  A loss puts us two games back of either the Queens or Bears.  It would probably take a miracle to come back from that, given the team we are generally sending out.

 

A few other things from last night: If you took the over on (24.5) for He references, you won big.  I counted 38.  I still hate Kornheiser.  Drew Brees apparently tried to have that growth removed from his face.  Now instead of a large brown mole, he appears to have a bulbous vagina on his cheek. (I realize that was a cheap shot, but I'm just trying to get by today, so blow me).

Goddamn Snow and a Quarter Pound

I hate snow. I fucking hate it!! There is nothing about snow that makes me the least bit happy. In general, I've never really liked it that much. I like to downhill ski but since I haven't done that in almost 10 years it doesn't count. But since I now do what I do for a living I feel like snow has taken on a whole new meaning. People lose their collective mind when it snows.
They seem surprised that snow is slick. "I thought I could make that turn at 40 mph. I do it every day. I didn't notice the other 4 vehicles that lost control right in front of me." I hate people. Just in general. People suck.

Gonna be a great game tonight. I can't wait to listen on the radio. DAGGER!!!! Actually, I'll have to disagree with Mr. Juice. I'm gonna go with Saints 34 Pack 27. Dream scenario would be high scoring (lots of Brees TD passes) and the Pack pull out a last second victory. I have 4 Saints players on one fantasy team this week. I need 45 points. Makes for an interesting Monday night game.

Free Law Enforcement Tip of the Day - when you file a theft complaint because you say someone you know stole $1500 out of your closet, make sure the guy didn't actually take a quarter pound of marijuana instead. Long story short, some guy makes that complaint. Police talk to the suspect who admits to stealing but "Dude, I didn't take any money. I took a QP of dope." Ultimately a search warrant is obtained for the original guy's condo. Various items are found including a stockpile of gay porn (possibly involving minors) and a ton of cold hard cash. Oh, and did I mention the original complainant is a teacher? Talk about your all time backfires. Probably should've just accepted the fact he was no longer with his mary jane.

Saw gas for $1.78 today. Mint!

End of an era (or some other time period)

Wyoming officially fired Joe Glenn yesterday. This is a sad day for me for two reasons: 1) Joe Glenn lead us to our first bowl win in several decades, a 24-21 upset over UCLA in the Hardee's Monster Burger Bowl (actually it was the pioneer pure las vegas bowl). 2) He was a hell of a nice guy. I know that nice guys don't help you win college football games. I know WYO needs to head in another direction. But this is a guy who called me in the hospital when i was on my death bed and spoke to me personally, attempting to rally me when I felt like shit.

This beloved screen shot was one of my favorite Joe Glenn moments, even though we were getting destroyed by Utah. Utah was leading 43-0 and attempted an onside kick, which WYO recovered. Prompting Joe to flip their coach the bird.

Now my beloved alma mater must sort through a number of retreads in an effort to "fix" our football team. The problem is, many of the names being thrown out are people who will win a few at WYO and move on to the next big thing. Some of the names being thrown out are: John L. Smith, Gary Barnett, Missouri Offense Cord., and Jim Gilmore (Neb. receivers coach). If Barnett is hired, I may quit watching college football altogether. Yes, he can win. However, we will probably be hit with numerous recruiting violations and sexual harassments suits.

My personal pick would be to hire Turner Gill from Buffalo. Wyo would be about the right sized school for his next step up and he has great Nebraska recruting ties. Plus anyone who can win at Buffalo is a proven winner in my boook.

Goodbye Joe. Thanks for the memories.

...And the World Rejoiced

On November 24, 1980, the single greatest thing in the history of the planet occurred.  I was born.  Yes, your beloved blogger is the big two-eight today.  So far I will have to tell you, it has been a ho-hum day at best.  I awoke this morning to find two inches of snow on top of a sheet of glare fucking ice.  Did I shovel my driveway like the rest of my shithead neighbors? Fuck no.  1) It is my birthday, 2) I didn't get up early enough because the storm itself was a total surprise, 3) It is "supposed" to be like 40 today, so I am banking on a melt, 4) my wife has a 4-wheel drive, so if I can get out of the driveway with my Impala, I'm not concerned, 5) I'm fucking lazy.

 

So a random snow storm on my birthday.  I believe this is (The Sports Bottle's) Gods' way of giving us all a sign that he is either pissed I was born, or pissed that I didn't manage to drink myself to death between 1998 and 2003.

 

It took me an extra half hour to get to work today because of the terrible road conditions.  Then I get to work and we don't have any fucking creamer, so I have to go Mountain Dew, which isn't at all the same.

 

It isn't all shit covered snow in my life today though.  I was bombarded with "birthday snacks" that the receptionist brings in for every one's birthday, so at least I get get fat(er) and happy while "working" on my birthday.  The menu includes: veggie tray (with Ranch dip), cheese/sausage tray with Triscuits and mini cupcakes.

 

Oh, and there is that little thing called Monday Night Football tonight featuring the New Orleans Saints and YOURRRR Green Bay Packers!  The ball is going to be flying all over the joint tonight.  I think Harris/Woodson/Williams is good enough to slow down the 'Aints.  The pick is GB 30, NO 21.

 

AS AN ASIDE: I simmed through the first season on NBA2k9 because I took the Bucks with current rosters, and they were fucking terrible.  At the draft 2 of the top 4 picks were from the University of Wyoming.  Which leads me to congratulating Twinkie on his alma-maters impending national title.

 

My new Top 25 is going to piss everyone (like 2 people) off again this week.  I need a few days to finish.

I love doughnuts...

Quick thoughts before another 8 hours fighting crime in a rough anonymous southeastern WI city.

Obviously the badgers prayed to (the Sports Bottle's) god. Holy shit! I only caught the cliff notes since i was working and don't really give a shit about the badgers. But come on, seriously? There is no doubt in my mind I would have made one of those extra points.

Good call by the Juice calling UNC football grossly overrated.

I am really beginning to despise He Who Shall Not Be Named. I hate that the jets are good, they're up on the titans 20-3 right now. Ricky, it's not a personal insult to you that I don't like him. I'm pretty sure He has joined MJ in your mind of people who can do and have never done wrong. I hope they're happy together.

Does my salary rise now that I got us a link at another webpage for my pleasing description of Erin Andrews' hotness? We can negotiate.

Why do electric razors suck at getting the hair on my neck? I literally scrub my neck with that fucking thing. It shaves about 1 hair per square inch.

It's amazing how far kickers can boot the football. Every time I've ever tried I get that vertical spiral that has a flight similar to Jeff Suppan's shitty slider.

Kevin Faulk has been around forever.

The Mall, Beer and Chipotle

Went and tried to complete the majority of our Christmas shopping yesterday. Not. Fun. At all. Maybe I am getting to be old, but that shit stresses me the fuck out. Sitting in bumper to bumper traffic to get in. Then nearly dying in the parking lot eight times just trying to park a vehicle. Then walking four and a half miles to get in. Then you get all the snooty bitches shoving people in the aisles. The old people walking too slow and blocking the flow of walking traffic. And the white trash assholes who bring their 4 kids under the age of 4 into the mall and let them scream. There is nothing I hate worse.

For example, my wife was at a women's clothing store trying on about 700 things (really it was like 3 things, but 14 different colors and 2 sizes of each), and it was one of those stores without a place to sit. But I couldn't wait outside the store because 1)there were 10,000,000 people there and no room on any of the couches and 2) she likes my "opinion" on everything (which if you don't know, is always "That looks nice".) and won't let me leave. So I end up standing there outside of the dressing room with a dick in my hand, looking like a fucking molester/rapist for an hour.

We also spent at least an hour dealing with all the screaming kids in Toys R' Us looking for gifts for my 2 year old niece, that is going to put it in her mouth anyway.

Afterwards, though, we went to Chipotle. I haven't been there since I left Omaha, because there isn't one in Green Bay. Chipotle sprinkles crack on their burritos. (And only 1,180 calories!) The Barbacoa burrito was sent down from (The Sport Bottle's) God on a chariot of chocolate and feathers, to pleasure my stomach. I ate about six pounds worth of burrito and a gallon of the hottest salsa they had. I almost died gorging myself. That was the best part of the day.

I broke down and bought NBA 2k9.

Texas Tech got blowed out.

UW got lucky as fuck.

CU dominated the second half.

BEER REVIEW: I made an impulse buy at the grocery store the other day. New Glarus Apple Ale. I usually enjoy a fruit flavored beer on occasion. It tastes like you are eating an apple. A little bit overwhelming on the apple taste actually. I'm not sure I can tell it has alcohol in it. Not too bad, but not something I would buy again. At $7.99 for a FOUR pack, I would just wait to steal one from a friend. Give me a Woodchuck or Leinie's Apple Spice instead.

UWGB and Britney Spears

This will be the last post of the day. Unless something super-crazy happens.

I just found out that UW-Green Bay got blowed out by D-II Rollins College last night. Jesus. I'm glad I didn't get those season tickets I wanted. Embarrassing.

I also just found out that Britney Spears is hot again. Remember back in 1998 where you, I and the Sports Bottle would have "crawled across charred glass to sniff her ass through a screen door"? Then remember in like 2006 when she was a fat pig (relatively speaking), and was fucking insane, and we wouldn't have fucked her with eachother's dick? Well, I just happened across her new music video for "Womanizer" (look it up yourself)(terrible, terrible song, even for her). And she has part of the video where she is completely naked (not full frontal of course), and she certainly appears to have her A (alright A-) game again. That doesn't mean she isn't bat shit crazy. And alot of luster has been taken off given the fact that she isn't 18 anymore, and all of the shit that's gone on. But she may revive her career as a glimmer in many a young man pants.

Memories....

The Jays take on Oral Roberts at 2:05 p.m. today. It makes me a little sad. About 5 years ago, I would be shaking off a hangover to get to the game at the Qwest. Today feels like a day where Twinkie and I would make a day of it by drinking about $40 worth of beer at the game, then stumbling to the Blue Jay Bar or Jobber's Canyon to drink for another 10 hours after the game, while watching our buddy Mike drunkenly try to pick up chicks with two burning cigarettes in his mouth. Jays by 7 today.

The Gaels?

I looked around for the Badger game on the dish last night, and couldn't find it. When I went to bed, I saw they beat Iona 60-58 in Overtime. The story on JSOnline was like two sentences long, and described nothing about the game itself. It is quite possible that it was actually played on College Hoops 2k9 in a dorm room somewhere, and didn't actually happen live. The only information was that Bucky shot 31.3%, which is poor. Iona's nickname is the Gaels. A quick check of Iona on Wikipedia reveals that it is an island in Scotland. If you are almost losing to a team with no mention on Wikipedia, that isn't real good. Iona plays in the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference or the MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC. I only really know this because I play a bunch of College Basketball video games. My first guess was that a Gael was a bird. It is apparently a yellow and maroon leprechaun. Scary.

Bucky plays the San Diego Torerros Sunday night for the tournament championship. I don't know if San Diego is good this year or not. They were last year. It smells like a Badger loss.

Today's Predictions:

UW 51, Cal Poly 30

Oklahoma 31, Texas Tech 21 (although I will be rooting hard for the Red Raiders)

I murder at least 13 people at the mall. (It's X-mas shopping day! Wheeee!)

Hunting Redux

I live and work in an area where people enjoy killing things. Deer hunting opens this weekend, and the economy pretty much comes to a halt. Schools are off (I shit you not, the one in the town I work in is closed. For deer hunting). Factory workers build up vacation days to use them all to sit outside, sleep and kill things. Old Fashions become a food group. I am not one of those people who kill things. I don't care if people like killing things. It's cool I guess. But I'm not that guy. But the real travesty in all of this (besides the traffic heading north, and the possibility of catching a stray bullet in the gas tank on the way to work), is the fact that the local strip clubs have "ladies night". These illustrious establishments give the ladies the weekend off and bring in dudes. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this because the last strip club I was at was The Spearmint Rhino in Vegas like 3 years ago. What is a guy who doesn't hunt, but likes to look at strange, nude, breasts to do?

ESPN's Crack Staff

Coors Light Cold Hard Facts today. #5: John Clayton, which team will win the NFC Central? John's response was the Packers. That response was only partially correct. The answer should have been: "Well Greeny, you fucking moron, the NFC fucking CENTRAL hasn't existed in 6 fucking years. But the Packers will probably win it."

I mean seriously, doesn't ESPN have a team of editors or at least fucking college intern's or something to get that stuff straight. Even the graphic said NFC Central. And even if the editor, producer and intern all missed it, couldn't Mike Greenberg do something besides just read whatever the telestrator said? Doesn't he think at all on the air? I don't pretend to know what it is like to be on live TV. But if you do it every day, one would think you could prevent that error.

Question #6 was which team will represent the AFL in the NFL-AFL World Championship game.

Bad Economy? Cheaper Gas!

As the Dow plummets, so does the cost of a barrel of crude oil. Oil is under $50/barrel now and I now see gas under $2/gallon. I'm loving it. Over the summer oil was over $140/barrel and gas was over $4/gallon. Oil went down almost $5 today. Isn't that great?!?!?!?!

Sports Illustrated Review

This may be a weekly thing. Not sure at this point. I've read every Sports Illustrated for approximately the past 15 years, give or take. I always flip through real quick when I first get an issue. These are my thoughts during this process.


The cover may not seem like it, but its promising, and I'll tell you why - Jimmie Johnson has a hot wife and she's mentioned on the cover. There's gotta be at least one picture of her. Also, I can't control my excitement about an entire article devoted to the future of hunting. It takes all my willpower not to turn directly to that article. More on this later.


On a nascar fan scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the world's biggest tree hugging, electric car driving hippie and 10 being the biggest budweiser swilling, gun toting, conservative redneck I'm about a 5 when it comes to how much I enjoy/follow nascar.


Ashton's career must not be panning out the way he had envisioned but I bet those Nikon commercials are paying handsomely.


Cassel to Moss with one second left was sweet. I hate Moss but still a great catch.


Devin Hester (16%) voted best all-around athlete in the NFL by his peers. Is that cuz he's fast? What's the criteria? Terrell Owens (10%) is 2nd and Moss (8%) is 3rd. I know those two can play some hoops regardless the fact they're both buttfucks. Maybe Hester is a 3 handicap and can do a triple lutz.


Premiere of 24 this Sunday. I'm mildly excited but here's my miniature 24 rant. STOP TRYING TO BE SO FUCKING CREATIVE!!!!! The twists in this show are what's ruining this show. For example, Nina Meyers being the mole in the 1st season. It was just a twist for the sake of having a twist. And then they keep bringing her back. Despite the twists, I still enjoy the show but it's been getting decidedly worse each season.


Back to SI...

Every magazine could use more pictures of Ashley Judd.


The 'Pop Culture Grid' is one of my favorite little snippets in this magazine. They pretty much take 3 or 4 random athletes from all across the the sports spectrum and give them a phrase and write down the first thing the athlete says (i.e. LenDale White -- phrase 'Would ____ please be quiet? Please?' -- answer 'Bart Scott'). I always like to see which of the athletes I recognize. This week its Steve Mason (Blue Jackets goalie), LenDale White (Titans RB), Danny Cepero (Red Bulls GK), and Kerry Rhodes (Jets FS). I've heard of two. Nice miniature picture of Stacey Kiebler in this section.


Faces in the Crowd section. I skim real quick and determine how many of the chicks I'd do. None this week.



I wouldn't mind being Justin Timberlake.




Whoa!! There she is. Jimmie Johnson's wife Chandra.

Totally worth an article on Johnson to see that.

Artice about the dynamic Cardinal WR duo - Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald. Seems mildly interesting but one thing annoys the fuck outta me - the long dreadlock look. It was pretty cool at first but its old now. And it looks fucking ridiculous.

List of all time receiving tandems. A dollar to anyone who can name 5 of the top 10. Don't cheat.

Heisman race. 4 qbs - Graham Harrell, Colt McCoy, Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford. I'm gonna go with McCoy for no real reason. Tech has to lose eventually.

Derrick Rose is gonna be good for a long time.

And, finally, the feature article about the decline of hunting. Decline, huh? Obviously the focus of this article is not Wisconsin. Maybe people are beginning to realize that sitting in a tree all day, feeling like shit from the massive drinking binge you went on the night before, being as quiet as possible all by yourself isn't all that much fun. You can't even beat off when you're overtaken by boredom. Or can you? I guess I wouldn't know.

Kevin Smith is on the rise in fantasy football. Glad I picked him up in the OJSFA.

Last article each week is the Point After. For years this was the Life of Reilly. Typically a clever and witty article by the great Rick Reilly. But he's moved onto greener pastures. This week its an article Derrick Coleman and how he's given back to where he's come from. Riveting.

APB for Arkansas-Pine Bluff

The Jays have their semi-annual meeting with SWAC powerhouse (actually, I don't think they are) Arkansas-Pine Bluff/School for the Blind tonight at the Qwest.  I am going to try to catch some of the dulcet tones of Travis Justice online via BigSports590.com.  The Jays will cruise, causing at least 20 turnovers with the sporadic, half-hearted press they use that frustrates the hell out of teams that aren't used to seeing it, and can't make good decisions.  Expect alot of breakouts, dunks and wide open threes.  Expect alot of forced jumpers and acrobatic misses by APB.  CU rolls 83-51, and it will only be that close because the reserves will be in for the last 10 minutes.

 

PICKS

 

Last Week: 7-9

Season: 73-83-4

 

Pit (-10.5), Cle (-3), Dal (-10), TB (-8.5), Ten (-4.5), KC (+3), Chi (-8.5), NE (-1.5), Jax (-2.5), Bal (-1), Den (-9.5), Car (+1), NYG (-3), Was (-3.5), Ind (+2), GB (+2.5)

 

I should probably get back to work.

Worthless, Uninformed Top 25

Rank (BCS)Record(Last Week)

1(1)Alabama 11-0(1)
2(3)Texas 10-1(3)
3(7)Utah 11-0(4)
4(2)Texas Tech 10-0(2)
5(9)Boise St. 10-0(8)
6(8)Penn St. 10-1(6)
7(4)Florida 9-1(9)
8(17)Ball St. 10-0(10)
9(6)USC 9-1(11)
10(10)Ohio St. 9-2(13)
11(11)Georgia 9-2(12)
12(5)Oklahoma 9-1(5)
13(16)TCU 9-2(7)
14(14)BYU 10-1(14)
15(12)Oklahoma St. 9-2(16)
16(13)Missouri 9-2(17)
17(19)Cincinnati 8-2(21)
18(15)Michigan St. 9-2(15)
19(NR)Western Michigan 9-2(20)
20(NR)Central Michigan 8-2(23)
21(NR)Northwestern 8-3(NR)
22(18)LSU 7-3(24)
23(21)Oregon St. 7-3(25)
24(NR)Tulsa 8-2(18)
25(20)Pitt 7-2(22)

Dropped Out: Air Force (19)

Grossly Overrated: North Carolina(22), Miami(23), Oklahoma (5), Pitt(20)

Grossly Underrated: Ball St. (17), Western Michigan (NR), Central Michigan (NR)

Jim Jackson = Rae Carruth?

One thing I forgot to mention about last night's Wisconsin Badger-St. Mary's Burn Center Burnies game was a disturbing comment made by analyst Jim Jackson late in the second half. The comment occurred during an exchange between Craig Coushun and Jim regarding who was going to get to go to the Virgin Islands for the Paradise Jam Tournament between Jim and nameless, random sideline reporter. After a little back and forth, Jim unloaded with this beauty:

"I will hide you in the trunk of my car."

Um. What?

If Dan Shulmann had said this to Doris Burke, he would have been fired. I'm just sayin'.

UW v. St. Mary's Burn Center recap

I think there are probably too many teams in D-I college basketball. Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville is a D-I "provisional". Meaning that not only do they have to get their asses pounded for the next five years in guarantee games by teams like Wisconsin, but they don't even get to play in a conference and have a shot at the tourney. A few things about SIU-E (which I found funny for some reason). First of all, the school name itself is terrible and difficult to say. You are not only a directional school, but a subset of a directional school. I am now declaring that the real SIU has to change thier name to SIU-Carbondale, so I don't get confused. Second, they are the real life "St. Mary's Burn Center" that my volatile and possibly insane JV Basketball coach referred to when he was discussing shitty opponents. Third, their jersey's were a fucking travesty. They looked semi-normal from a distance (normal red and black colors, etc.) But on a closer look, you can see the gigantic ass, WHITE, Lower Case letter "e" after SIU on the front of the jersey, with no dash. It looked retarded.

At one point I was convinced the Badgers were going to have a mythical "white out". There were 4 white guys on the floor at once on more than one occasion.

Jon Luer, who looks not fast, not coordinated, not short and not particularly skillful.....DESTROYED SIU-E tonight. He was on the receiving end of a nice ally-oop in traffic. Any time a goonie white guy can get an ally-oop in traffic against you, you aren't very good.

Tar Heel Debut

Dave, this is for you.















I'm watching my dvr'd Tar Heel vs Kentucky game due to the fact that I had to work during the game. Other than a random Duper text message saying UK needed a TO, I have no idea how this went. For the record, the Tar Heels are my favorite team in any sport. How Dave is with the Packers is how I am with the Tar Heels. I really don't know exactly why, but I've loved them since I was a little kid




Heel super frosh Tyler Zeller looks strikingly similar to another Heel white low post guy. You know who I'm talking about Dave. Wouldn't that be great to have Hansbrough Jr when Hansbrough Sr graduates?


If I didn't like the ACC so much, I would hate Dick Vitale.


Who is it thats the Kentucky fan? Is that Bear? We totally should've bet on this game.


Although its almost 1am, I'll be following along with the Badger game on the bottom line. They're already up 15 in the first half. Looks like a nail biter.


15-4 Heels, 5.5 minutes into the game.


19-4


Did 30 minutes of cardio tonight. Got more and more pissed with each passing second.


Ellington has the sweetest J in college hoops.


25-6 (minus the reigning national player of the year).


How did Brad Daugherty become a Nascar analyst? How can any Nascar fan take him seriously? Would I take Rusty Wallace seriously if he was announcing this game alongside Dan Schulman?


Erin Andrews is a aesthetically pleasing woman whom i respect for her career accomplishments.


25-11


SIU-Edwards? Really? SIU? Sucking It Up?


Greg Paulus is still playing for Duke.


Chris Lofton finally graduated.


Why doesn't anyone ever bitch about the tv timeout? I think its horseshit.


This is my first ever running blog.



33-19... obviously the Heels prayed harder before the game.


Jeremy Pargo still plays for Gonzaga.


Do ever catch yourself watching commercials when you're watching something you've dvr'd?


38-21 after the commercial break.


Again I would like to thank Lee Evans for not making a catch Monday night and giving my fantasy team a hard fought victory.


Less than 2 weeks until my regular season Lambeau debut (thanks Dave).


Badgers squeaking by 50-24 with 15 minutes left. Real confidence booster.


Stephen Curry is fantastic but will never be better than his dad in NBA Live '97.

Speaking of which, I bought NBA 2K9 for 360. Very good game.

Quick video game story. I was at Schmock's house a few weeks ago. It was me, my g/f Courtney, Schmock and his g/f Jamie. Correction: I was at Jamie's house that Schmock pays rent at. Anyways, we're playing the Wii, which is always a great time (Ricky, we need a rematch with Schmock and Jamie in tennis). This time we were playing the bowling game. Drinks were going down smoothly. I was plowed. I take my turn. Line up the shot. Pull my arm back and let the ball fly. But this time I chucked the Wii remote about 6 feet up the wall (they have the wrist straps for a reason, i guess). After the initial shock wore off we realized nothing was damaged. So Schmock lets out a little giggle b/c it was kinda funny. Drunk Jamie didn't see it that way. She takes her Wii remote and backhand chucks it at Schmocks head and we all know how Schmock likes to get hit in the head (i.e. Worm smoking Schmock in the head with a penny in the dorm rooms - anyone who knows what i'm talking about is laughing at that story). Well, Jamie missed and knocked Schmock's vodka drink all over the floor. That kinda ruined the mood for the night.

41-25 at the half. Eat it Bear.

FUCK, Erin Andrews is HOT!!!!

Any predictions for the De La Hoya v Pacquaio fight?

45-29

Anyone wanna go to Vegas in January. I know its shocking but I will be there for the AFC and NFC Championship games. Its cheap as hell

Does anyone doubt that Tyler Hansbrough works harder than anyone in the history of the human species?

Some GREAT lines from Family Guy this week. "September 11th-y" was my favorite.

55-41

OK, I'm out.

Random thoughts from the weekend

So I watched the Badger game on Saturday but missed the Packer game because I live in a terrible area of the state and I refused to leave the comfort of my warm home to go to some shitty bar in RF where it's nothing but fucking idiotic football fans that I want to punch in the mouth. Maybe next blackout game I'll muster up the courage...

Anywho, I was quite excited to see the Badgers give the Gophers the ole double safety and then win the game by less than that 4 point margin fucking in the ass that the Pack got from the Queens last weekend. I insisted throughout the game however that the Gophers were putting guys into motion that were moving forward when the ball was snapped, but no one else seemed to be paying attention to the game so my complaints were falling on deaf ears.

So the Packer game, I was very happy to see that we move AJ Hawk to the middle and got Chillar in there rather than Bishop. I was bitching about Bishop being in the game after Barnett got hurt against the Queens and that was before he completely blew the play where AP went 50 yards to the house. I'm not the biggest Hawk fan right now, but if that's what it takes to justify getting Chillar in there finally, I'm cool with that.


I also think that someone needs to tell the young Nick Roach here that he and his fellow Bears were in fact, NOT good enough to wipe James Jones and the Packers ass this Sunday. This week we've got the Saints on Monday night, I wonder which Green Bay team will show up...

Hoops Bonanza, New Blogger? and MNF

I want to start out by thanking my brother for coming.  Second time this season I staged a ridiculous Monday night comeback against him.  Actual quotes from the message he left me at 11:44 p.m. last night (I smartly shut off my phone so I wasn't woken up from my beauty rest).

 

"Why don't you fucking just come back and beat me on Monday night again.  We should probably just play again so you can come back again on Monday night."

 

"Ten fucking catches?!?!?  I am calling shenanigans on Marshawn Lynch getting ten fucking catches." (I'm not sure his 10 catches really happened.  Pretty nice time for a career game.)

 

Did I mention that I sort of love fantasy football?  The win puts me at 8-3.  I have a theory that it is Tony Romo's leadership ability that carried my team.  He just has intangibles.  I was 6-0 before he went down.  Matt Schaub and Phil Rivers combined to go 1-3 in his absence.  Tony comes back and just wins.  The win puts a knife in the back of my brother's season, (or as Wayne Larivee would say "A DAGGER!").  We are now down to a five team race for four playoff spots, barring a miracle.  Bear sits at 9-2, I am in at 8-3, Twinkie is 8-3 (somehow he is like 6th in points) and Dan and Richard (under protest) sit at 7-4.  I play BOTH Dan and Richard.  I figure if I can win one, I am in.  I will likely have the tie breaker (points) over any team other than Bear that ties me.  That my friends, is some solid fantasy analysis.

 

Turned on SportsCenter this morning to find a "SportsCenter Live Special" with 100% college hoops.  Then I hit the guide button to find out that there is a game on at 9 a.m. between Penn and Drexel.  I still can't figure out why.  It's not a weekend.  It's not a holiday.  Whatever, the more hoops the better I guess.  Of course, I watched for about 30 minutes, and 28 minutes was talking about the ACC.  Ex-Dookie Jay Williams picked UNC and Duke in the final four.  He stopped just short of including Maryland, Wake, Georgia Tech, Florida St. Virginia Tech and N.C. St. in the Elite 8.  Why do these kind of predictions even exist?  Half the people just looked at the latest poll and picked the top 4.  This has happened NEVER.  Can't you go out on a limb with ONE of the four?

 

An unidentified man has requested permission to blog here.  I am debating on whether or not I think homo-erotic pictures of "Psycho-T" and stories about oppressing minorities are funny or not.  But I guess we might find out.

 

New and controversial Top 25 possibly on the way later.  Also, we are counting down to my dream NCAA Football tourney that will be unveiled in December...

The Bears Still Suck!

Impressive post by Twinkie. Way to take one for the team. It was not as impressive as the Packers tying down some of Bear's distant relatives from Chicago and drilling out thier assholes with a scalding hot charcoal briquette. That was one of the most satifying wins I can remember. They did almost everything perfectly. My only beef was A-Rodg underthrowing that Urlacher pick by about 10 yards. That was an easy TD otherwise. Highlight was the audible "Bears Still Suck!" chant. (I'm not going to pretend I didn't get goosebumps watching the above video)

Bucky barely held on against Long Beach State yesterday at the Kohl Center. Scary game. I can't decide what it says about thier prospects for the season. On one hand, if I know the Badgers, I know these things: 1)They always have at least one scare at home in the early going; 2) They struggle against athletic teams that aren't afraid to gun up a three with 31 seconds left on the shot clock. LB St. did both. Some of the shots the 49ers made were ridiculous. On the other hand, I was not impressed with Bucky on either side of the ball. They settled for a shitload of 3 pointers. The inside game was pretty useless against a small-ish mid-major team. They aren't going to be able to score from inside 15 feet in the Big 10. Landry has potential to have a HUGE year though. The 3 pointer/block sequence in the last 30 second was the balls.

Nuff said on CU/New Mexico. I was fist pumping the "Gamecast" on cstv.com, which was actually pretty slick, while watching UW.

If The White Broncos are able to pull off a huge come from behind victory against my brother tonight (needed 24.9 from Marshawn Lynch, and with 4:00 left in the first half he has 15.5), it will pretty much be the greatest sports weekend in recent ememory.

The State of my sport's teams address

ARE YOU FIRED UP? READY TO GO!

CHANGE: The Wyoming Cowboys

(Insert new coach's name here) "the change we need for Wyoming football."

- Wyoming is dead last in the nation in turnover margin and points scored.

- Wyoming's wins are against: Ohio U., North Dakota State, the artist formerly known as Tennessee, and San Diego State. I don't know what those teams combined FBS win total is, but I bet it wouldn't take both hands to get there.

YES WE CAN - Creighton Blue Jays

Creighton is going to the tournament. And I'm not talking about one of those 20-13 seasons where you watch the selection show and sweat your ass off to see if your team gets in, I'm talking about being one of "bracketology's" locks by early February. They have the schedule to get to that status. Now, the easy part, they just need to win.

Amazing win yesterday. Down by 16 with about 10 minutes to go and suddenly the "buzz" of the Qwest Center swung the momentun (not to be confused with the "buzz" of Juicelaw and Twinkies after five, 20 once, $8 beers.) If I had any testacles at all, I would be in St. Louis in March for the conference tourney.

On a side note, I really enjoyed Nick Bahe (a player from last year) as the color guy for the game. Too bad he transferred from Kansas last year, or he would have gotten to share in their championship last year as their 12th man.

LET'S BE CLEAR: the Miami Dolphins

The Fish are making the playoffs. I know they don't have any "marquee" wins, but they are playing decent football and have a fairly easy schedule left. What a great turnaround. This is the first time I've really paid much attention since Marino was throwing passes with a gigantic ski boot on in the pocket. Tony Sporano looks like he should be a superstar driver in Nascar.

Another sports team I like that nobody gives a shit about: UND Fighitng Sioux (predictable slow start, but will be in the mix after Christmas). Not that I know anything about hockey.

Completely irrelevant leagues/teams that I don't give a shit about: NBA, Timberwolves, bowling, boxing, UFC, MMA.

Three more notes:

1) I noticed that Southern Illinois plays Duke on Thursday. That is like fucking Al Qaeda versus Hamas. I despise both of them. However, I believe it is in Carbondale, Ill, where no road team has been known to win. Interesting to see what happens.

2) I killed a deer last Sunday (a doe). I blew a hole in her neck about 4-5 inches wide with a high powered rifle from about 30 yards away. I completely enjoyed the whole experience.

3) Juice inspired me to fire up the NCAA 2K8 on PS2 (my inferior technology) last night. So far Florida Gulf Coast is 3-2. I like that you have to start out at small, shitty schools and earn your way to a contract with bigger schools.

C'Mon

This will make my 18th straight post, and 19th of 20 on this blog. While I enjoy hearing my own voice, my guess is that some would enjoy hearing Bear's views on beehives v. salmon, Gotwinkies views on the political ramifications of hunting pheasants and Loaf Cobra's views on PCP. Bueller? Bueller?

Ahhhhhh...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

CU v. New Mexico

Found this nice preview on the intergoogles while I was "working". I am far too lazy to write one like this, especially since this dude appears to live in Omaha, and attends games. Its been a few years. It appears that the game is at Qwest. Therefore I am changing my prediction to CU by less than 5. For some reason, I was under the impression he coached at New Mexico St. Either way, I'm a moron.

All Right, I'm Done

Justin Harrell is officially a bust.  I can't keep giving him or Thompson the benefit of the doubt on that one.  Have a nice day.

Jets v. Pats

I know what you are thinking.  Here comes Juicelaw's semi-daily rant about He.  Where I talk all sorts of shit about He and how I hate him.  But I'm not going to do that.  No, today's target is the World Wide Leader in Sports.  Last night I didn't get to see any of the game.  From all accounts it was a spectacular game, probably one of the best of the year.  I was at a dude's house playing poker last night, and said dude didn't have the NFL Network.  This is relevant because the game was on said channel last night, and after two years of NOT having it myself, I do have it now.  And then, when there is finally a really good game on it, I'm not home to see it.  My life is pretty much a never ending string of slamming doors and nut kicks.  ANYWAYS, we had ESPN on in the background of our game.  After the ACC clusterfuck of the week, SportsCenter came on.  About the same time, the Jets/Pats game was tied in the fourth quarter.  The game went on about another 45 minutes after that, and other than a few random college football highlights and one NBA game, the crew on SportsCenter didn't have anything else to discuss except for the NFL game.  What happened next was both ridiculous and awesome.  There were moments of 5 minutes, where the anchors would actually be watching the game on their set, and describing what was happening, but they couldn't show any highlights because of the bullshit NFL broadcasting rules, and everything was happening live on a TV that was 10 feet away, so you got gems like this:

 

"24-24 in the fourth quarter.  It appears the Jets are driving into New England territory.  You know, this would be a huge win for the Jets....Wait, it appears the Jets just turned it over."

 

Then they would bring on Marcellus Wiley or someone to discuss the ramifications of a game that wasn't over yet.  Then you would get another gem.  "The Jets have scored a touchdown.  31-24 with about 3:00 left.  Stay tuned right here for all the highlights when this game gets finished."

 

At one point, they literally described four consecutive plays to me.  Now that is good television.  In conclusion, the NFL broadcasting rules are stupid.  They should just allow every station to pay a whole bunch of money to broadcast the games if they want.  It could be like the Presidential Debates or something that are on every channel simultaneously.

Battle for the Axe

Nothing happening today, so I figured I could give my thoughts on Saturday's "Battle for Paul Bunyan's Axe" taking place in Madison. A week ago, I would have thought that Minnesota would win this game easily. Then they got manhandled, violated and clowned by Michigan, who is terrible. Both of these teams lost embarrassing games to Michigan, but at least UW's was in Ann Arbor. The Goophs loss was in that garbage can they call a stadium. Playing for the axe is pretty damn cool. My favorite part is when the winner (usually Wisconsin) takes the axe and pretends to chop down the goal posts. It gets even better when the winning team wins it from the other team, and storms the other teams' sideline. Some year I would love to see the losing team start to fight the winning team for it. Or for it to be a huge upset win, and the fans storm the field, and a player freaks out and chops a fan's head off. That would be awesome. Here are some of my favorite axe moments:

An Exercise in Ridiculousness

So, Joe Lunardi has put out his first Bracketology.  I LOVE random, useless musings and predictions that are way too early to justify.  Count me as the kind of person who will check multiple websites in December for who the experts and bloggers think are going to the dance.  I particularly love that Lundardi has Wisconsin as a FUCKING 2 SEED!  I don't see how that is feasible at all.  The Big Ten is generally a weak-ish conference.  Wisconsin is picked to finish third in it by the media.  They lost Butch, Steimsma and Flowers, who were three incredibly important pieces to a team that wasn't anywhere close to a 2 seed last year.  There don't appear to be any real standout freshman.  We are going to start probably 3 white guys.  I think they easily are a tournament team, but a 2 seed is pretty optimistic.  My guess would be around a 5 or 6.  Also, CU rolls in as a 9 seed and winners of the Valley.  That sounds about right, although my guess is the Valley gets at least 2 teams in.

Picks n' Stuff

Last week: 8-6

Overall: 66-74-4

 

NE(-3), Atl (-6), Phi (-9), Chi (+4), Ind (-8.5), NO (-5.5), Mia (-10.5), NYG (-6.5), TB (-3.5), Car (-14), SF (-6), Ari (-3), Ten (-3), Pit (-4.5), Was (+1.5), Cle (+5.5)

 

Watched my 4th Bucks game last night.  I'm just not so sure this whole WATCHING NBA games thing is going to work out.  Especially now that college hoops is back.  UW and CU open Sunday afternoon.  UW gets Long Beach St.  I don't know much about Long Beach other than the baseball team is called the Dirtbags.  Unless Snoop Dogg shows up and shoots Marcus Landry, Bucky wins by double digits.  CU is at New Mexico. I'm pretty sure it is a true road game, meaning they are playing in "The Pit".  The Jays will be tough this year, but I don't know if they win in that enviroment.  I give the edge to the Lobos by less than 5.  With the three nights a week that are taken up with those games, Lost, 24 and Friday Night Lights starting back up in January, I'm just not really sure I have room in my life for actually watching the games.  I will at least read the game recaps and such.  Which is more than I had done before.  I even busted out College Hoops 2k8 last night (USC 92, Sacramento St. 58).  I really enjoy college basketball.

Worhtless, Uninformed Top 25

Rank (BCS) Last Week
1)(1) Alabama 10-0 (1)
2)(2) Texas Tech 10-0 (4)
3)(3) Texas 9-1 (3)
4)(7) Utah 10-0 (6)
5)(5) Oklahoma 9-1 (8)
6)(8) Penn St. 9-1 (2)
7)(18) TCU 9-2 (5)
8)(9) Boise St. 9-0 (7)
9)(4) Florida 8-1 (11)
10)(14)Ball St. 9-0 (9)
11)(6)USC 8-1 (12)
12)(10) Georgia 8-2 (13)
13)(11)Ohio St. 8-2 (17)
14)(17)BYU 9-1 (14)
15)(15) Michigan St. 9-2 (16)
16)(13)Oklahoma St. 8-2 (10)
17)(12) Missouri 8-2 (18)
18)(23)Tulsa 8-1 (15)
19)(NR)Air Force 8-2 (20)
20)(NR)Western Michigan 8-2 (NR)
21)(22) Cincinnati 7-2 (25)
22)(21) Pitt 7-2 (23)
23)(NR) Central Michigan 7-2 (21)
24)(20) LSU 6-3 (22)
25)(NR) Oregon St. 6-3 (NR)

Dropped Out: Northwester (19), Maryland (24)

In BCS, Not in mine: South Carolina (25), North Carolina (16), Wake Forest (24), Florida St. (19)

Grossly Overrated: Florida St., North Carolina, Florida, USC, Missouri

Grossly Underrated: TCU, Tulsa, Western Michigan

The Shane Battier All-Star Team

Shane Battier played for Duke for 11 seasons. He isn't the original guy that did this, but when I was thinking of guys that skirted NCAA eligibility rules, even though they were very good basketball players, Shane was the first guy that came to mind. I physically HATED him when I was in college. Duke has the all-time record for Shane Battier all-starts with 39. All of the guys below are in at least their 8th seasons. So without further ado: the 2008-2009 team.

F-Tyler Hanbrough, UNC
G-Darren Collison, UCLA (Most Ridiculously old)
C-Hasheem Thabeet, UCONN
G-Osiris Eldridge, Illinois St. (Valley shout out)
G-Bryan Mullins, SIU (Valley shout out)
G-Kyle McAlarney, Notre Dame
F-Scottie Reynolds, Villinova (a junior!!!)
G-Dominic James, Marquette
F-Raymar Morgan, Michigan St.
C -Josh Heytvelt, Gonzaga
G-Greg Paulus, Duke (honorary Dookie)
G- John Scheyer, Duke (honorary Dookie)

Feel free to add your own.

Kick in the Nuts Day 3

I think I've finally had enough time to digest the devastation that took place on Sunday.  On Sunday I felt like someone kicked me in the penis.  On Monday, on a scale of 1 to 10, I was a -3.  Today, I feel like I can give it the perspective it deserves.  Truthfully, the Packers had no real business being as close as they were.  The offense was generally terrible except for Ryan Grant.  The defensive backs were awesome (against the pass), but the rest of the D was brutal.  Special teams sucked except for the return by Blackmon.  The play calling and adjustment making by the coaching staff was suspect at best.  They were fortunate to be in a position to win.  But that doesn't make the loss any easier to take.  The fact is, they forced 4 turnovers, didn't technically turn it over themselves (although I would argue that those 2 safeties should count), and didn't win.  To all you motherfuckers who insist on blaming every fucking loss on fucking Aaron Rodgers, shut the fuck up.  Fucking don't watch anymore, because I don't want to hear from you fucks when we are 11-5 next year.  Or when Rodgers wins an MVP.  I don't.  You would rather watch the fucking Jets beat high school teams every week (I don't know how it is possible to play a last place team every week, but they have managed to do it).  Did A-Rodg play a good game Sunday?  No.  Did he hold it too long a few times? Probably.  But it is pretty hard to blame him for the offenses problems when he had about 1.2 seconds to throw on every play because guys were coming free.  I heard a number of assholes call into the local radio to bitch about how we "definitely" would have won if He was QB, because he had such a quick release.  The retort from the host after 14 of these calls was (and I agree): That might be true.  But He refused to take sacks.  And as a result he threw a shitload of interceptions.  A-Rodg chooses NOT to throw the ball into coverage to avoid sacks.  I would rather have a sack than an INT.  Now He also made some ridiculously good plays as well.  But people need to realize that He is not our fucking QB anymore, and won't be.  So what good does it do to compare?

 

Since we are doing the useless comparison, I thought I would check out how He did in his first 9 starts versus A-Rodg.  The numbers were strikingly similar He (10 TD, 7 INT, 2121 yds, 5-4 record), A-Rodg (12 TD, 5 INT, 2124 yds, 4-5 record).  People who act as though we would be 9-0 right now if He was our QB are fucking stupid.  People who act as though A-Rodg is not an above-average to good NFL QB after only 9 starts, are fucking stupid.  He doesn't play d-line, He doesn't play LB, He doesn't block for himself.  He doesn't make stupid challenges, and He doesn't settle for 52 yd FG's.  So He would not be responsible for winning us more games, because those are the reasons we lose, not A-Rodg.

 

I'm not even trying to say A-Rodg is great, because he didn't play all that well either.  But A-Rodg didn't lose the game for us. And He could have just as easily lost the game as won it for us.

 

I didn't intent to write a 319th post about this topic.

 

The Pack isn't done yet.  A huge win this weak against the less than perfect Bears would probably put everyone back into a tie (assuming Min loses to TB).  We still have the Bears twice, and some very winnable other games (Hou, Det, Jax).

 

The Packer party was an unmitigated disaster.  I was yelled at for showing too much emotion, when I was really only operating at about 45% emotion.  I nearly killed a small child.

Packer Parties

So I'm heading off to a "Packer party" in about an hour. A "Packer party" is where a bunch of people go to someones house and watch a Packer game. No sex is involved. Usually a small amount of beer is consumed. Everyone typically runs out of the house as soon as the clock hits :00. (Unless it is a rare Saturday playoff game or something). I hate Packer parties generally. The only time these things are acceptable for me is if it is a preseason game, it is some type of holiday (i.e. Thanksgiving), or the Packers are like 2-12. The only redeeming quality that these parties tend to have is a shitload of food. I hate them because people like to invite me because they know I am a Packer fan, and feel that I will enjoy them. But these people don't have a true understanding of what a psycho freak I am. The only one that truly understands outside of a select few friends, is my wife. She has learned to tolerate my incoherent screams and throwing of objects. We have an understanding that I have Packer party veto power. I am allowed to reject the idea if I'm pretty sure that my emotions won't be able to be controlled. For instance, we were invited to at least 3 of them for the NFC championship game last year. I couldn't do it. I probably didn't sleep for the entire week before hand. I was showing signs of physical stress by Sunday (upset stomach, incessant leg tapping, etc.). It's a good thing I didn't go to any parties on that day. Not only would I have embarrassed my wife irreparably, I doubt very much I could have operated a motor vehicle safely. I distinctly remember when He threw his final back breaking interception as a Packer, jumping off the couch about three feet into the air, twisting, and landing with my knees on the ground and my face in the seat of the couch, all while letting out a primal scream. I'm guessing most can't comprehend what I went through, and I might have been divorced if I had done it in front of her family or something.

Today, this party in particular is at one of my sister-in law's houses. My wife's family acts like they enjoy watching the game with me because of how "into it" I get. The problem I'm beginning to have, is that we have three nieces and nephews that are under the age of 3. And all will be at the "party". They also have a large number of toys and shit that make alot of noise. I already can predict what will happen. The game will be on, when the kids aren't crying, they will be planted right in front of the fuckin non-HD TV, making shitloads of noise and be generally distracting. The kids' parents will be making it a point to make sure everyone sees how cute they are being. The volume on the TV will be far below the deafening level I usually keep it at in the privacy of my home. Basically, I will be viewing at about a 60% capacity. On top of that, I will get yelled at if I scream. Inevitably, it will be nap time at some point at a crucial fourth quarter moment, and I will get warned again to keep it down. I like my wife's family, but there are only about 10 people on earth I can watch a Packer-Viking game with, and none of them are on the list. Basically, today is going to suck, and if I complain I will get yelled at. Fuck.

Oh, No!

It seems our lovely Trenni is heading off to work at the bullshit MLB Network (I still claim the NFL is the only league that can pull this off, and I sort of really like the NFL network).  Look forward to seeing Jeff Cirillo as the "on-field analyst" :(  Pretty sure she was passed around the locker room, like alot, this year.  There was always weird sexual tension between her and the players.  I just liked her because her name was Trenni, and it sounded funny.

I'm Back Baby!

Last week I managed to go 9-5 against the spread in fake gambling.  It is only the second week all year over .500.  For the season I am 58-68-4, which is abysmal.  Here goes nothing:

 

Den(+3), Buf (+3 1/2), Ten (-3), Atl (-1), Mia (-8 1/2), GB (+2 1/2), NYJ (-9), Jax (-6 1/2), Car (-9 1/2), SD (-15 1/2), Phi (-3), Ari (-9 1/2)

 

I'm officially getting jacked up about Sunday's "game".  Will somebody please tell fucking Jared Allen and Darren Sharper that the Queens are 4-4 and not 8-0.  Those two fucks (amongst others) continue to talk shit about how good they are and how not good the Packers are, yet the two have the same record, and the Packers have already beat them once.  I am feeling a Packer win.  Or a season ending injury for A-Rodg.  But more a Packer win.  The Queens haven't done anything to convince me they are that good.  My hope is for a little 3 game winning streak, and then the Packer-Panther game getting flexed to Sunday night football.

 

I'm also getting a little excited for college basketball already.  For those who don't know, I have an unhealthy obsession with college hoop.  I'm especially obsessed with the Wisconsin Badgers, Creighton Bluejays and mid-major hoops in general.  Two websites that I visit on a daily basis during college hoops season are www.midmajority.com and www.bbstate.com.  Mid-majority deals only with mid-major basketball, and a dude that writes for ESPN.com, who travels around the country going to random basketball games, and stopping at Waffle Houses all over the country.  BB State, is a site for stats geeks, but what they do that I love is give their rankings based on a whole bunch of statistical shit that creates a very accurate, non-biased picture of how good teams really are.  In the future, when I refer to rankings this is what I will use, because a)keeping track of 10,000 hoops teams is much tougher than 120+ football and b) the media polls are still fucking jokes that have inherent biases based on history, size of school, conference and TV.  I'm hoping to get to a UWGB game or two (wife wouldn't allow me to purchase season tickets, but I will wear her down some day).  I will also be enjoying every Badger game, and a nice majority of CU games.  I have new job this year that is going to severely cut into bball time from January to April, but hopefully, I can just follow along at work if need be.  Fuck, if I'm still at work at 7 p.m., I better not hear a fucking complaint about Travis Justice being too loud through my computer speakers.

 

Huh, that got alot longer than I planned.  Can't wait to go to the Viking game and "tailgate" on the fucking sidewalk someplace, and then sit four and a half miles from the field.  Great place to watch a football game.  PS. I'm not really going, I just have been there and it sucks balls.  Looking forward to 33% Packer fans Sunday.