Arch Madness Anyone?

Well, between the piles of tax returns, my eyes spy something resembling March fucking Madness. Friday (Thursday for the really shitty teams) begins Creighton's quest to shock the world and rise up from mediocrity and steal a NCAA bid from some deserving team.

I gotta admit, I've been a poor CU fan this year. They just have not been very fun to watch. About midway through the Valley season, when they got their shit kicked in by Bradley (who at that point was something like 0-11 in the conference) I just stopped making it a point to watch and/or listen. Horrible, I know. At least I'm aware that they still play basketball there, unlike the Milwaukee Bucks who were contracted after their first round exit from the NBA playoff last year.

To be fair, in mid-major hoops, once the conference regular season title is out of reach, and/or you eliminated from at-large contention (which for CU was early November), the regular season doesn't mean a whole helluva lot other than seeding at Arch Madness. And Arch Madness means a lot.

I had the pleasure of attending Arch Madness in 2006. It was pretty fucking ridiculous. For those not acquainted, Arch Madness is the pet name (also known as "The Creighton Invitational") for the Missouri Valley Conference Tournament. It gets "Arch" from the fact that it is in St. Louis every year.

Each year, thousands of Midwesterners and students from small basketball playing universities descend on St. Louis to get super-ass drunk, possibly fight amongst each other, and watch a bunch of good basketball. (Also to stare at toothless rednecks from Carbondale, Illinois). I haven't been to another conference tourney, so perhaps others are the same. I imagine the Big Ten tournament is fun. But the tournament means A LOT to teams in the Valley, because often, only the winner gets into the big dance, and frequently, the team that comes out of the Valley does some serious damage (see Northern Iowa last year).

Unfortunately for me, I haven't been able to get back to St. Louis since. And unless I get a new job that doesn't involve getting screamed at by dickhead old people about their taxes, I probably won't get back soon. Some day, Twinkie and I will relive the glory days when he could drink heavily without one of his internal organs exploding, and had a penis. Good times will be had by all. In the mean time, I will try my damnedest to follow CU as close as possible (they play at 2:30 on Friday, and I have a job), and root on the Jays.

Arch Sadness

On Thursday thousands of Missouri Valley students and alumni will descend upon St. Louis for the four day drinking/basketball orgy known as Arch Madness. This week always makes me sad. The one good thing, maybe the only good thing, about being a student at Creighton was Bluejay basketball, and the opportunity to skip classes, road trip it to St. Louis, put 14 guys in a hotel room, and get fucking shitfaced for three straight days. I've been on record as saying that generally, if you aren't from Wisconsin, you cannot handle your booze. But this week, young and old alike from such places as Omaha, NE, Springfield, MO, Cedar Falls, IA, Des Moines, IA, Normal, IL, Terre Haute, IN, Carbondale, IL, Witchita, KS, Evansville, IN, and Peoria, IL, combine forces for a drunken, sloppy mess. And they do it well.

Oh, and they play a little bit of basketball too. Creighton plays at 2:30 on Friday against Bradley. Maybe CU has finally put everything together. They have played well the past two weeks. I would give them almost no chance, except for the fact that strange things happen at Arch Madness. Creighton has won ten tournament titles, which is twice as many as any other team. They are also the only team ever to win it as a 4 seed (2000). So anything is possible. If not, I guess there is always the CBI tournament.

So to all students and alumni of Valley schools heading to the Lou tomorrow. I'm jealous. Some day, when my wife and Twinkie's wife finally wise up and get rid of us, and I either quit this job, own the place or Uncle Sam stops requiring taxes to be filed, we will make our triumphant return. Until then, GO JAYS!!!

Rise and FIIIIIRRRRRE!!!

For those who didn't see this yet, this is ridiculous. And for those who watched the "video" above and still didn't see it, because it is the worst quality video ever to hit the internet since Paris Hilton, I will describe it to you. The above scene comes after Creighton just got finished blowing a 22 point second half lead, and fell behind on a three with 7 seconds left, which was followed by a missed shot that was tipped out of bounds with 1.9 seconds left. What you see is Valley player of the year Booker Motherfuckin' Woodfox hitting the ugliest looking jumpshot on the planet. What you might not realize is that this is what his jumper always looks like, and he shoots 51% from beyond the arc. His shot is a mix between Shawn Marion and Bill Cartwright. On his free throws he lines up with his heels at the three point line, crouches down as far as he can, throws the ball towards the free throw line, takes one giant crouched step, catches, stands up straight legged, and hits about 80% from the line. And he's got a small flat top. And I found video!
I'm sort of in love with him. Not pictured: P'Allen Stinnett dunking with his off hand behind his head.

Of course, all I could muster was a silent Tiger Woods-like fist pump because I was watching ESPN's scoreboard update every thirty seconds because I'm a) too lazy to go to a bar to try to find the game, b) too cheap to upgrade my dish, c) too cheap to buy it on the internets.

I was pretty sure we were playing Bradley this afternoon, but I guess we are playing Illinois St. Whatever, I think we are in. We weren't even one of the "last four out" according to Joe Lunardi (whom isn't that great at what he does, but I'm too lazy for any other research while I should be "working").

Conspiracy Theories!

I wasn't going to type anything today because I wanted to see how long we could keep our riveting Slim Fast discussion going. Today in the comment section, I think we should concentrate on really listening to our partners, and tips for doing so....

But seriously, I came into "work early" this morning, which for me means to waste as much time as I can before doing any actual work, and then making it completely pointless to come in early, since I didn't get anything done anyway. And I hear a pretty good rumor, and am starting one too. Because I love me some conspiracies.

Conspiracy #1: This has started to wane a little since A-Rod is going to attempt to play through his injury, but I heard this yesterday: That baseball a) doesn't want A-Rod to really admit anything wrong, b) doesn't want to embarrass their biggest star with a publicized suspension, c) wants to punish him for fucking up. So they make up an injury that is invisible to the naked eye, and that is coincidentally going to keep him out about 10 weeks, which according to my calculations, would be around mid-May, and right around 50 games, which coincidentally, is exactly the suspension for a first time offense under the steroid policy. I heard this on local sports radio the other day, so I can't take credit.

Conspiracy #2: I'm making this up. ESPN last night was tossing around all the third basemen the Yankees would look to get if A-Rod was out awhile. Bobby Crosby, Mark Tehean, and some other losers came up. But you know who didn't come up, but SHOULD have? How about Billy Hall? Wouldn't THIS be a fucking blessing? Not only are you shedding an enormous (for the Brewers) salary on a below average player, but you'll get something probably pretty good in return, AND it gives you an excuse to bring up your choice of Matt Gamel or Alcides Escobar. Believe me, Billy is VERY available. CALL ME BRIAN CASHMAN!!

-Arch Madness tonight: CU v. Wichita at 6 p.m.

-Video Game news: I think I'm going to use the 45 seconds of personal time I have between now and April 15th to buy MLB '09: The Show. Reportedly the best baseball game ever.

State of Basketball

After two brutal losses yesterday, and the nearing of midseason for UW and Creighton, I think it is a good time to take stock in where they are as teams, and what their postseason prospects look like.

UW
Record: 12-7 (3-4) 8th in Big Ten
RPI: 23
BBall State Ranking: 45
Best Wins: @ Virginia Tech, @ Michigan
Worst Losses: @Iowa, Minnesota
Outlook: The Badgers are in about as a good shape as is possible considering they have lost 4 straight for the first time in 11 years, and are in 8th place in their conference. RPI wise, they are in good shape because their losses have mostly been losses to tough teams (UConn, Texas, Marquette, Purdue, Illinois). Of course, we haven't beaten anyone all that good either. And we've done nothing in the last two weeks to lead me to believe we are going to magically turn this slide around either.
What they need to do:
1) Finish 7-4 in the Big Ten.
2)Win three out of the five between: Purdue, Illinois, Ohio St at home, @Michigan St., @ Minnesota.
3) Get to the semifinals of Big Ten Tourney.
That would get them to about 20-12, which should get them an at-large.
What will happen:
Badgers go 8-3 the rest of the way, and get in.

Creighton
Record: 15-6 (5-4) 4th in the Missouri Valley Conference
RPI: 59
BBall State Ranking: 66
Best Wins: New Mexico, Dayton, DePaul, @ St. Joe's, @ Bradley, @ Evansville
Worst Losses: @Arkasas Little-Rock, UNI, Drake, @Wichita St.
Outlook: The Jays have been maddeningly disappointing this season. Probably the most talented team in the Valley, but super inconsistent. Also, they get dominated on the boards, and if they don't hit their shots, they are fucked. The Valley has been a bloodbath for everyone this year, and they still have a shot at winning the conference, but more likely than not, it will be a one bid league.
What they need to do:
1) Win out in the Valley (9 straight), to finish 14-4
2) Also win the Bracket Buster game
3) Get to Arch Madness title game to finish 27-7 overall.
4) Pray
If they manage to rattle off 12 straight, they have a shot at an at-large bid.
What will happen:
CU finishes 21-10 (11-7), but wins Arch Madness for the Auto bid.

CASINO NIGHT RECAP:
They gave us $5,000 each in fake money. Only blackjack and poker. At one point I was up to $64,000 playing blackjack, but got bored and lost it all in 2 hands. It would be pretty tits to ever have enough money to play as recklessly as I did with the fake money. I'm far to conservative to ever to this, so I will never get rich, or lose $64,000 in 30 seconds in real life.