Cyberdine Is Just Around the Corner

I just had a revelation of sorts. If computers decided that they were going to become self-aware, and go on strike due to the long hours and shitty pay, humans would be fucked. The computers in my office had to be shut down for like 12 minutes this afternoon, and I felt completely and totally lost. Even though I had some work I probably could have done. I just sat and wondered about the above, complained about not having my task list to stare at, and ate some of the candy I was given as an early present for the anniversary Sports Bottle's God's Son rising from the dead.

But seriously. Even 20 years ago, how did people do ANYTHING at work? By hand? That is crazy. What did people do when they were pretending to work? I think that probably frightens me more than my DVR growing legs and murdering me for making it record PTI every day, and then erasing it without watching it.

I have come to the conclusion that I could not have functioned in the work place prior to 1995. Thankfully, I starting working at Dairy Queen in 1996, so I didn't have to find out. But I didn't need a computer to mix a Blizzard either.

BREW CITY RECAP IN ONE GIGANTIC RAMBLING PARAGRAPH

Went to the wedding. The only person I knew was this insane pot head chick from college, with a penchant for making up ridiculous lies, who I hadn't seen in 7 years that had gained about 60 pounds. I pounded 5 free Miller Lites, and braved the needless 45 minutes where the "bar was closed", which didn't make any sense at all. I then ate the buffet, which was pretty tasty. Sports Bottle picked myself and Mrs. Juice up. We went to a piano bar. Endured poor service and two drinks. Then we went to Milwaukee Ale House where we were duped into a $5.00 cover charge for a shitty classic rock cover charge. I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 pints of microbrew, and we stole a cab. We went back to the hotel, which reminded us all of the Overlook Hotel from The Shining. We put our chicks to bed and closed down the hotel bar after two or three vodka drinks. The bathroom had cloth towels instead of paper towels, and you literally took one or ten, and threw them into a hamper when you were done. It was insane. I face planted in the room, woke up drunk 8 hours later and made Mrs. Juice drive me home. Stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and spent the next 8 hours on the couch at home trying not to die. THE END.

If They Only Knew

I had a really funny thought as I was pulling into my parking stall at work today. What if for some reason, one of my bosses decided to go into my coat pocket and pull out my iPod? And they looked at the screen and it said "Thug Love"--Bone Thugs feat. 2Pac--Art of War. (Sound of shotgun cocking). What kind of reaction would that garner? I have a feeling they would either look at my neon whiteness and laugh. Or possibly realize that I don't "fit in" and make up some bullshit economic excuse to can me. Or, more likely, cower in fear around me and shield their daughters.

As an aside to an aside, I watched "Archer" on FX last night. I saw two episodes. It was sort of funny. Not laugh out loud mostly, but I would give it another chance. For those who aren't aware it is another adult cartoon, containing partial cartoon nudity and crude language. The story line revolves around the characters being spies at a MI-6-type agency. As an example of a story line, two of the male spies were fighting in the locker room and their penises touched (not in "camera" view.) and there were all sorts of gay jokes. Since Sports Bottles whole life is one big gay joke, he would like it. My wife will be pretty happy if it ends up making the DVR list along with South Park and Family Guy. I give it a 3 out of 5, but I would probably watch it if I was bored and stumbled across it again.

Some Kind of VooDoo

WOW. That was insane. I can promise you that I've never been that into a non-Packer game in my entire life. I was a mess. I was sweaty. I was screaming. I've never been that happy for a non-Packer team to win a game, ever. I've got issues. But those issues have been resolved. That demon has been exercised (at least until August when He decides he is going to show up at Packer training camp and wants to play for the Packers again).

When you really think about how that game played out, there could not have been a more perfect ending. He has possibly ended (doubtful) His career in Minnesota, the same way He ended it in Green Bay. With an ill-advised, back breaking interception, with a chance to go to the Super Bowl. That pass (along with: Philly, NYG and about 100 others) was a microcosm of His career, especially in the last 10 years, and especially in the playoffs. This is what He does. This is who He is.

I've always been a big believer in karma. Here is a karmic scoreboard.

GOOD: Saints fans/City of New Orleans/New Orleans residents/displaced Katrina victims. Congrats. Well deserved. If anyone deserved something good after 43 years of shit, and that hurricane, it was you.

GOOD: Drew Brees. I like him.

BAD: He Who Shall Not Be Named/Deanna/Chilly/The Minnesota Vikings Organization/every asshole He Who Shall Not Be Named-former Packer fan: I hate to say I told you so. But I fucking told you so. Good things come to good people. I'm not going to sit here and say that Chilly doesn't help old ladies cross the street or whatever. And I don't necessarily blame him for going out and getting Him. He is a lot better than Travarioueiause. Chilly got himself a nice contract extension and it nearly worked. BUT, Chilly absolutely sold the fuck out, forgot his values by letting Him run the show to placate His enormous ego, and probably lost respect for his team in the process. And Chilly ignored the fact that He has a long glorious history of doing exactly what He did yesterday. He saved the worst for last. He was a stud all year, and played His worst game when it mattered most. Did he play an overall horrendous game? It is hard to put all the blame on Him, and He did what he does in dragging His bad leg out onto the field after getting destroyed by the blitz. But He has the ability to destroy it all with one bad pass. And He did it again.

The Vikings as an organization fall into the same category as Chilly. You let Him run the show, and He burned you.

Deanna, I just don't like you at all.

He deserved every potentially dirty hit He got, and deserved to lose in the most soul crushing way possible. If you are an asshole to the people that loved you, the universe will punish you. You just cannot get away with doing what He did. Also, congrats on getting that "ankle injury" so you have an excuse to not go to training camp again.

To the former Packer fans who didn't root like hell for the Saints. You are not welcomed back. Your punishment is having to root for dry weather when He is sitting on His tractor. The worst kind of Karma is coming.

NEUTRAL: To true Viking fans.

I actually feel a bit sorry for you in that it has to be getting old to lose this way. At the same time, that is what you get for hitching your horse to Our old wagon. And kind of being pricks about it. How do you feel about that $90 investment in a He Who Shall Not Be Named Viking jersey now bitches?

The Saints are my adopted second team. And should be the rest of America's team too after finally killing the beast (maybe?)

Pregame

Ramblings of a madman. I think I need some therapy or something. I woke up this morning feeling fine, not anxious or stressed out at all. I even thought in my head as I was donning my A.J. Hawk jersey, which, by the way, is a jersey of another grown man, that it might be the last time I get to wear it until April. Then I sat down, started a little surfing (after spending like three hours "fixing" my computer yesterday) and putting on the NFL Network as ambient noise in the background. Now, I am stressed the fuck out. It wasn't anything they said. I just hate being the favorite in my own mind. The Packers are clearly that. Marshall Faulk and some writer from Arizona are the only two people on the planet that think the Cardinals will win today (even Kurt Warner picks 31-10 Packers). And in the postseason, this can get sketchy. Road playoff wins are not easy. I'm not sure if what happened yesterday bodes well or poorly for the Pack. In the two "repeats" from last week, both teams that won last week won this week. Does this mean that the Packers will too? Is it too obvious? Am I reading too much into this? Fuck, I've been discussing the time/day of our game against the Saints next week already (allegedly 3:30 Saturday). I don't think I'm mentally prepared for 8 MONTHS of no Packer games.

How Creighton Can Get To The Dance

While loss in the Valley semis was crushing to the Jays, I actually think that being knocked down to the "First Four Out" level 8 days before Selection Sunday could be to their advantage. There is very little likelihood of their tournament resume getting any worse compared to the teams that are still playing. Historically, I would say that more teams are going to play themselves out of a bid this week than are going to play themselves in. Oh there will be a few to come out of nowhere to snatch a bid (see Cleveland St.). But for every 2008 Georgia, there are going to be a half dozen or so complete flops in the power conference tournaments. This year especially, there is a meaty center of the bracket where the 8 to 12 seeds live, and all of them could lay an egg on any given night (see Wisconsin all year). I'm pretty certain that all of the mid-major bids are now spoken for, and the Butler loss was one that really hurt CU. Anyway, here are the teams left to root against (and I realize a large chunk of these teams will get in no matter what, I probably left some out and that I left out Wisconsin):

Big Ten: Minnesota, Michigan, Penn St., Ohio St., Northwestern
Big East: Providence, Notre Dame, West Virginia
Pac 10: Arizona, USC
ACC: Va Tech, Maryland, Boston College, Miami
A-10: Anyone not named Xavier or Dayton
Big 12: Texas, OK St., Texas A&M, Kansas St.
C-USA: Anyone not named Memphis
MWC: BYU, SD St., Utah, New Mexico, UNLV
SEC: Kentucky, Florida, South Carolina and Auburn

If all those teams fall flat (impossible), then what CU has done should be good enough to get them in. And that is why winning 11 out of your last 12 isn't a terrible place to be while everyone else can lose big.