OJSFA, the championship game

How has there not been more hype this week that the championship game is between myself(Jolly Pharmaceuticals) and Juice's brother(Clown Baby)? We are the most dynamic members of the league and without us, there would have been no good moves/shake ups at all in the last 4 years. Write that down.

The history is there, the teams are there, the flailing, gasping for their breath as the end of the year draws neigh, who knows which one is gonna show up QBs are there. This game has all the makings of being one for the ages. I mean look at this matchup

QB:
Tom Brady vs. Kurt Warner

Advantage:
Even.
Both Warner and Brady have had huge games and absolute shit shows... Brady on the year has been better overall, but some of that is inflated stats from that huge game against the Titans


RB:
Thomas Jones, Ricky Williams and Steven Jackson vs. Chris Johnson, Beanie Wells and Laurence Maroney

Advantage:
Clown Baby
I don't trust that Chris Johnson won't go off for 45 points against me and as of late Beanie and Maroney have been fairly consistent. My 3 could edge out his 3, but I don't think any of them are going to blow up for a 30+ point week.


WR:
Brandon Marshall and Miles Austin vs. DeSean Jackson and Megatron.

Advantage:
Jolly
I'll give myself the edge here, simply because who the hell knows if Johnson will even get a ball thrown his way that is catchable. Huge talent that's definitely been causing fantasy owners pains this year because of a rookie QB and a shitty team.


TE:
Brent Celek vs. Fred Davis

Advantage:
Push
It's your TE spot... Even in a PPR league their production can really vary. Celek has been good for 10-15 in a lot of games this year, so he's probably more consistent. Campbell loves checking down to his TE though, so Davis gets a lot of garbage catches and points. Interesting side note here, Bizarro bid 15 bucks on Davis last week and I bid around 12 as insurance against Celek being hurt. Davis scored 17.5 points last week and Bizarro beat TJ by what? 3 points? If I had pulled my sack out from between my legs and bid half my 40 dollars I had left, in the second to last week of the season, TJ would have more than likely made the championship game.


K:
Just kidding, who gives a shit


DEF:
Minnesota vs. Houston

Advantage:
Clown Baby
Minnesota's D used to be awesome... Now they suck balls, but they're playing the Bears and Cutler is one insulin fueled low blood sugar fit away from throwing 7 picks at any given moment so I'll take my chances. Houston plays Miami, who knows if he'll actually even stick with them? All I know is, after the last 2 weeks, the Queens D can definitely stink up the joint.


So there's my expert breakdown of the match up. My prediction for the winner? I'll leave that up to the fans to decide.

Hatin' and Complainin'

-I hate fantasy football. This week marks at least the third time I've lost by less than 5 points. I'm now 5-7 and have virtually no chance at the playoffs. I've now lost four straight turns on TE roulette. This week, I started Vernon Davis who had a nice game (18 points), and sat Antonio Gates who of course had his best game of the year (7 catches, 118 yds, 2 TD, 30 points). Last week I started Gates, who shit the bed, while Davis went off. The week before I started Davis and Gates went off. The week before I started Gates and Davis went off. It is a virtual guarantee that if I start a TE, the other guy is going mental. Also, I would have won two of those games had I started the right TE.

-I hate Vince Young. I also lost yesterday because my brother was forced to start Vince Young at QB. And Vince Young decided to turn into John Elway circa 1986, and drive the fucking Titans 99 yards, culminating in a last second TD pass which turned out to be the difference in my fantasy game. Did Vince Young forget that he is an mediocre QB, clearly not capable of doing what he did. 387 YARDS??? Are you fucking shitting me??? If you are keeping score at home I've now lost when MJD kneeled at the one, and when Vince Young drove 99 yards with under two minutes left and threw a last second TD. I am the Houston Texans of the OJSFA.

-Creighton's trip to Orlando for the Old Spice Classic was an absolute disaster. Up 10 to #15 in the American Popularity poll Michigan in the second half, they shit the bed in OT. They got crushed by similarly situated, but bigger named Xavier. The lost to fucking Iona. They wasted a great opportunity, and have nobody to blame but themselves. The only conceivable way they are getting an at large is if they run the table. Not enough good teams left on the schedule (and yes, I know it is November 30th). Teams from the Valley don't get many shots at legit tournament teams, and they have to take full advantage when they do. They need to get right and concentrate on winning Arch Madness.

-I purchased tickets to Packers v. Ravens next Monday night, from a legitimate broker, for $49 each. Which is $10 less than face value. Which is insane.

Money Well Spent

I'll be completely honest, the amount of "cash" I spent on Mike Sims-Walker was well worth it. The money I spent on Matt Hasselback was not well spent, but I don't give a shit, I knew I wouldn't be picking anyone else up for the rest of the year.

I'll admit I didn't watch as much of the Packer game as I would've liked. And I'll admit I found myself watching the Colts/Ravens game on CBS because I have Peyton Manning. But I've finally learned my lesson. I simply cannot watch my fantasy players. After approximately 15 years of fantasy football I've finally realized my fantasy players suck big floppy donkey dick when I watch. Manning threw a pick and couldn't get in the end zone from the 5 as I watched. This is an intense season of OJSFA. A TV deal is right around the corner. Maybe the Ocho?

The Packers did something all teams seem to do - after dominating the first half they changed their course of action in the 2nd half. Why the FUCK would any coach do that? Get up 40 before you lay down and take a shit.

The NFL is completely fucked up this year. How can the Raiders beat anyone? How does Pittsburgh lose to KC? Brady Quinn threw for 3 TDs in one quarter and he's worse than awful. That makes me feel pretty good going into the Thanksgiving game against the Lions. A Westwood One announcer on the radio last week stated, "I can't believe how bad Cleveland is." I love when the Packers play on Thanksgiving. But an 11:30 game is pretty early for me.

TV review - Dexter - absolutely fantastic show. I just finished season 3. The premise of the show is great and there are a million tiny dark humor moments. I believe there are probably many people who wouldn't see the humor. That's too bad for them.

New season of South Park is fantastic. Cartman singing "Poker Face" is classic.

Video game review - New Super Mario Brothers Wii - fucking awesome. It's the classic Mario game for the Wii, but much more difficult. The best part is that up to 4 players can play at the same time. I've actually got my girlfriend to play with me, bless her heart. She sucks, but she tries. Players have the option to allow another player to play a certain part solo, and she knows when to sit back and let the master (me) take over. Nothing gets a guy some ass more than his Mario skills. Jot that down.

Tar Heel update - a very good, yet young, team this year. I'll predict 8-10 losses this year and probably a 5 or 6 seed. There offense simply isn't good enough this year to allow as many points as they do. But it's anyone's guess how good they'll be by the end of the year and into the ACC Tourney. Y'all will need to get used to the fact that they will win the NCAA Tournament once every 4-5 years. Roy Williams is simply too good of a recruiter. They have a top 5 class this year and they already have three top 20 recruits next year, including #1 Harrison Barnes.

Male Bonding

I've got plans to do some male bonding this weekend with my dad and brother. Now, I know what you are probably thinking. But you are dead wrong. We're not going to go out into the woods piss drunk with a rifle and try to shoot something while freezing our asses off. See, even though I grew up in a city that most people that live in cities would consider "the country", I am not a hunter. My dad is not a hunter. My brother is not a hunter. We are city folk, through and through. The closest I've ever come to deer hunting was at the arcade. Or watching a Bucks game. This weekend is the opening of deer season, and we will be going in the opposite direction of all of the dudes in blaze orange.

On Saturday, I got two free tickets to UWGB v. Long Beach St. I'm taking the old man because my wife for some reason "hates" UWGB. We will probably have a beverage or two, maybe some food, probably talk some shit. Should be 3 or 4 hours of bonding tops. It should be a good time. I get to drink, talk out of my ass, hang out with the old man, and not clean/watch my wife clean. I will be missing UW v. Northwestern for this game. I'm going 31-20 UW. 73-62 Dirtbags over UWGB.

Sunday is for Packer games. And Packer games are for drinking (at least a bit). For this one I'm going to try to con my dad into driving so that I can get slightly intoxicated. My dad has to work at 11 p.m., but he's never met a beer that he wouldn't drink, regardless of work/driving. I'm sure he won't get totally pissed up, but he is willing to push the envelope way further than I am. Probably will inhale some Buffalo Wild Wings and drink as much as I can until the game starts. Then I will get forced to drink a few more in the stadium I'm sure. It will work out much better if he drives, because then I won't have to turn down drinks or make a sketchy drive home. My brother is meeting us there, and there is a 98% chance he will be hungover. For the record, Green Bay has done extremely well against NFC opponents in games I've been to. I'm feeling GB 27, SF 14.

OTHER STUFF

I should be more pissed about MJD kneeling down at the one and costing me the game against Ricky (lost by 5).

This post was rambling and incoherent. For that I apologize.

Have fun in the woods assholes.

OJSFA Week 2 Preview

Game of the Week:

Heywood Jablome (1-0) v. RIP Billie Jean (1-0)

Two bloggers on this here site (sort of). Will Ochentacinco get murdered in GB? Will the Madden Curse hit Fitty this week?

Line: Billie Jean by 11
Series: Billie Jean leads 5-2

Others:

The White Broncos (0-1) v. Schmock's Team (1-0)

I've got nothing except that Schmock had A-Peter AND LDT AND A-Rodg last year too, and didn't make the playoffs. Look for a big game for whichever guys I decide to leave on the bench.

Line: White Broncos by 2
History: Schmock leads 4-1

Marino for Prez (0-1) v. A-Rodg's Grapefruit (1-0)

Someone should tell Duper that game management isn't really that good of a thing in fantasy football, and therefore Eli Manning shouldn't be started on anyone's team. To be fair, he has McNabb, although you can't convince me Duper wouldn't start Manning anyway.

Line: Grapefruit by 8.5
History: Tied 1-1

Faribault Frauleins (0-1) v. Jolly Pharmacuticals (0-1)

Two other alleged bloggers on this site. Loaf Cobra (Frauleins) hasn't posted anything since 1998. I got nothing.

Line: Frauleins by 6.5
History: Jolly leads 2-0

Shit Game of the Week:

No Talent Ass Clowns (1-0) v. Clown Baby (0-1)

Two teams named after clowns. Statistically the best and worst teams in the league at this point. No Talent supposedly includes Drew Brees and Randy Moss.

Line: Ass Clowns by 5
Series: Ass Clowns lead 1-0

I Wish I Was 18 Again (and other stuff)

It has come to my attention that college is starting back up again. Man, do I fucking miss college. Not the class part, or the having no money part (although somehow I had more back then when I made $7.00/hr 10 hours a week), but the getting totally fucked up and having no responsibilities other than not killing yourself part. College was certainly at its best once everyone was 21, but I still remember that first day at UW-La Crosse like it was yesterday. The warm weather, getting dizzy from trying to look at all the strange, hot chicks that I would never, ever have sexual relations with, and of course, the getting totally fucked up at some random house on Red Dog and Icehouse. I'm pretty sure it was some frat party, which caused me right then and there, to hate fucking frats. But I remember meeting a bunch of dudes that I'm still friends with to this day (including SportsBottle and Schmock) and borrowing money to some random guy who was hanging out with them (Jay). All of this is semi-relived each September at Oktoberfest (23 days!!), but nothing can replace the sheer mental overload of that first day.

RANDOM FANTASY NOTE

I'm involved in a fantasy football league with acmepackingcompany.com, which is a Packer blog. Winner gets a t-shirt. It is a 12 team league, and somehow I like my team alot better than my OJSFA team. Yet my draft strategy backfired again when I ended up with T.O. and Roy Williams as my starting WRs (both of whom I loved...in 2003). I did get far more depth, so I should be fine. Draft #3 coming on Sunday night, where I'm thinking of experimenting and going autodraft to see what happens.

Today In Fake Sports News

The White Broncos roster:
Bernard Berrian
Pierre Thomas
Shaun Hill
Jesus Fucking Christ. Someone shit directly in my cereal.

Baseball league with old dudes: Holding a tenuous 5-4 lead thanks to unbelievable pitching, and unbelievably terrible hitting. Chould likely win 4 out of 5 pitching categories without throwing another inning. But I'm going to for the jugular (and $75).

NFL RedZone Channel: Got all excited that Dish Network picked it up. Until I found out that those pricks want to charge me $5.99 a month for it. Fuck. That. I already pay too fucking much for TV. As an aside, I watched so many episodes of Entourage the other night that I had fucking Entourage-mares. (Similar to the 24-mares and Soprano-mares, I've had in the past). So I probably watch enough TV to make it worth it.

Michael Jordan gets rejected: Totally got busted surfing the Internets by the president of the company yesterday afternoon. Perhaps I am the Michael Jordan, Washington Wizards edition, of pretending to work. The fucking guy just appeared over my shoulder. At least it was ESPN.com and not something illegal.

Things Are Getting Out Of Hand

Fantasy Baseball league with the old dudes update: Someone picked up Mike Fucking Burns today. And if you don't think I ripped him a new asshole for it, you are dead wrong. I don't care what fucking format you are playing in, Mike Burns is awful. Unless you get extra points for giving up a home run, or pitching less than 5 innings in a game or having a plus 7 ERA in starts. Streaming is fucking annoying. I'm in second place by the way.

Oh, and after the week I've had, I'm complete toast right now. I can't even consider working.

"Bottoming Out"

Yeah, it is a few days late, but I have been fucking busy working, being hungover, and making earth shattering trades involving third string fantasy football players, so deal with it.

Without further ado, here is a recap of the 4th annual Orenthal James Simpson Football Association Draft/Drinking/Inappropriate Sexual Reference Extravaganza. (Special shout out to the future Mrs. Schmock for letting us destroy your house and for the incredible food)

FRIDAY

It all started off innocently enough. After a long ass, stress filled day at work, I headed to OshVegas to pick up my brother. My brother and I destroyed a few gyros and headed down to Stoughton.

Schmock was busy earning a living as a professional softball player, so we started drinking pitchers of beer and waiting for he and future Mrs. Schmock. A few pitchers, and a few drunken townies (one with super short jorts, and a leg spreading problem) later, our hosts arrived. So we had a few more pitchers and went to their house. A quick stop at the car for the essentials (booze, food, and Alka-Seltzer Wake Up Call) and it was on.

Drank some more. Bear, SportsBottle and Richard showed up. Drank some more. Played some Wii. Drank some more. Began to black out while playing Wii bowling. Took a hot (temperature wise) shot of Goldschlager, nearly vomited, went to bed around 4 a.m., which is the latest I've been awake in a long time.

I'm fairly certain that the phrase "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side" and "Something, Something, Something, Complete" were uttered between one and 10,000 times.


SATURDAY


I somehow slept until like 10:45, which is nearly fucking impossible for me. Typically, no matter how drunk I got, or how late I go to bed, I'm up by like 9 at the absolute latest. I was awoken by rain hitting my leg from the open window about 5 feet away, which means it was raining too hard to golf.

Sat around awhile, got the ball rolling with a screwdriver, got the avalanche started with a strong screwdriver, and decided to switch to beer before I died. Mark showed up and we drafted.

We were in agreement that next time we chose a station to broadcast the event, that we actually require them to bring video cameras, because it would be really fucking funny. However, I'm also quite certain a few of us would be fired from our jobs if anyone actually saw it, so maybe it is for the best.

The draft started out with a bang when Loaf Cobra, in spirit, controversially drafted Steve Smith (since injured) and Reggie Wayne. I say controversial because it left Loaf Cobra with Marshawn Lynch (suspended for three games) and Derrick Ward (not necessarily the starter) as his starting RBs. At least he has Ray Rice (not necessarily the starter) and Leon Washington (almost certainly not the starter) as his backups. Anyone see another 4-10 coming? Bear was almost as bad at drafting for Loaf Cobra as he is at not being a dick. Actually, looking at Loaf Cobras running backs make me feel a hell of a lot better about me having Anthony Gonzalez and Bernard Berrian at WR.

There weren't that many ridiculous picks. I guess if I had to choose, Jerome Harrison in the 11th round seems early. Especially since I will cut him prior to the regular season probably. Also recieving votes: Shaun Hill Round 12, by me, Darrius Heyward-Bey 13th Richard, and Michael Bush 15th by Duper. Anyway, we got drunk, drafted, listened to a story about Twinkie skipping the draft to see Taylor Swift's snatch, and repeated Family Guy lines (possibly the one in the clip above, about 100,000 times). (Ed. note: This was a fucking manifesto and took me two sittings to write. So appreciate its greatness)

After the draft, we headed over to the bar to mix Red Bull and hard alcohol with our beer, repeat Family Guy lines (possibly from the clip above) and everyone except Schmock and I looked at the guttersnipe with the knee high socks that was warming up for her shift at some unknown strip club or flop house. For some reason, I was allowed to "sample" various flavored vodka drinks before I ordered them, even though I didn't ask to sample them. These "samples" were about a shot each. So you can see where this is going. Schmock brought up ordering UFC 101, and within 14 seconds everyone ponied up $5, which is insane because we are all generally drunk and cheap assholes.

We head back, start watching the PPV, which is the first one I've ever seen in its entirety. Pretty good time. I especially enjoyed Anderson Silva making that dude his bitch. Out of nowhere some random people showed up with their two kids under the age of 5. (I apologize for what is coming up, because I'm sure Schmock and future Ms. Schmock knew these people, but I was a .64 at the time, and I may have been properly introduced, but I don't recall it. So I'm assuming for the sake of argument that these were complete strangers off the street looking for free entertainment.)

I have no kids, may never have kids, don't particularly like kids, and am definitely not qualified to give parental advice to anyone, but to plop the kids in front of the TV and 6 completely fucking annihilated/vulgar/perverse strangers, to watch dudes get their faces turned into hamburger at like midnight seems like curious parenting. And I don't know about everyone else, but I have zero filter when I'm drunk, so if I said "fuck" less than 54 times in the hour they were there I would be surprised. Good, clean, family fun. It was just a bizarre situation (no offense).

I hardly remember the title bout because I was blacking out. I do remember the title of this post being brought up out on the patio, and I just thank (Sports Bottle's) Christ that it didn't come out inside the house. I also hope the adult strangers weren't outside, because that would have been awkward. Although I'm not dead, so it probably didn't. I don't remember who brought it up first, but I'm choosing to blame Mark because it sounds like something he would say, and I would think was funny, and repeat a thousand times. And I'm not going to explain it either, because the FBI would be at my office in about five minutes.

Taking Things a Little Too Seriously

I like playing fake sports as much as anyone. Fantasy football, baseball, basketball, golf, whatever. I've even played hockey one time. I like it all. It is a good excuse to not do much work while at work, and it a good thing to drink coffee to on Sunday morning. It is a fantastic way to keep in touch with all of my asshole friends from high school and college, and a nice source of extra income, especially in leagues where Bear is prominently involved. I waste quite a bit of time (especially during football season) tinkering around, considering pick ups and trades, etc. I change my baseball and basketball lineups daily. But there are some that are WAY to serious about it.

I just joined a fake baseball league with my neighbor, who asked if I wanted in. He's undoubtedly my favorite neighbor, likes to drink, is into sports, etc. He was talking shit awhile back about this league he is in that he describes as being like the holy grail of all fantasy leagues. These guys claim to set an alarm clock for waiver wire pickups, and other such nonsense. I've just consistently talked shit about how I will just have to win this using my system (which doesn't exist, but if it did I would imagine to be a cross between "Moneyball" and Reaganomics). It is a 12 team, head to head, non keeper league. They are doing a "Yahoo! Plus" league, which I think is retarded for baseball, because am I really going to use live stats for a baseball league when they play every fucking day? The league really isn't that much different than the various leagues that your blog writers play in. And it is far inferior to the Orenthal James Simpson Football Association.

I'm not going to out the blog on the league because they all know my real name and my occupation, so I will just talk shit behind all of their backs, and update you on the progress of this foray. By the way, when I signed on, there were forty straight posts with guys bitching about paying $35 to join and what an economic hardship it was, and some other post about some guys kid who put up a near triple-double in an 8th grade basketball game. I'm pretty sure I'm at least 10 years younger than all of these guys too. All were offended when I referred to it as "fake baseball".

SI Review

I'll begin my weekly snoozefest by wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. Who still needs to Christmas shop? I do. I've pretty much put an end to all packed parking lots, screaming children and long lines. My shopping is done online. Anyways, I'd like to give a happy birthday shout out to (the Sports Bottle's) savior, Jesus Christ. I appreciate you dying for my sins, although I wouldn't be born for another almost 2000 years but, from what I understand, there was a disclaimer that you also died for everyone's sins for the rest of eternity. Dude, seriously, you rock. I don't think I'd have the balls. That must have seriously hurt. But, as David Cross said, why wouldn't you do it? But we won't get into that.

Moving on...

I'm mildly aroused by the cover of this week's edition, and not because they're gonna discuss the "Steel Curtain II." I'm excited about the Vegas related article. We'll get to that later.

(I have the Patriots/Cardinals game on the tube right now. Leinart is just an awkward looking QB. 44-0 Patriots.)

In the Leading Off section we see a picture of the Nebraska women's volleyball team approximately 1.5 seconds after they won some big match. I always find it surprising how similar male and female celebrations are in these circumstances. The only real difference is the shrieking level. But you'll always have the awkward white guy jump (see Phil Mickelson 2004 Masters). In every male celebration you have one of two things - the smear the queer pile up or the large circle jerk where all the guys are jumping up and down in a tight circle. I prefer the pile up. The circle jerk looks completely retarded. The best celebration is the shot of the outfielders in the World Series when the 3rd out is made. They get a good five seconds of isolated celebration before they reach the mound and join in on the ass raping of any given closer.

SI Players NBA Poll - Which team will win the NBA title this season? The results were overwhelming, which did not surprise me. But the #1 choice isn't who I would've guessed. The Lakers were #1 with 67%. The Celtics had 20% and the Cavs had 4%.

Dan Patricks weekly interview - Visanthe Shiancoe. Hmmmm, I wonder what this will be about. Hold on........ Yep, the whole interview is about his junk. Just wonderful.

I've always wondered why I have this pre-conception that the Steeler D is always good. Well, I now have my answer - since 2000, the Steelers have not finished out of the top 10 in total defense. Impressive.

Ahhhh, and here's the Vegas article. The baseball winter meetings took place in Vegas this year. In case anyone doesn't know, Las Vegas is in southern Nevada and is a wonderful place to spend your time, which I will be doing in approximately 25 days from now (there are still openings in case anyone is interested). My crew this year features 3 high school friends and only a few will appreciate the cast. We have my buddy and coworker Petey. But then we also have Worm and Spensley. This, without any doubt, is an all-star cast. Each person has naturally defined roles. I have managed my anticipation beautifully. I'm at about 70% right now and articles like this only help the cause. I'm looking forward to this trip more than normal for several reasons. The last two times I went didn't go well (I have been to Vegas approximately 10 times since 2005 but did not go once in 2008). I got really sick one of those times (self inflicted) and the other time I didn't have a whole lot of money. Money won't be an issue this time. I'll have more money than I've ever had out there. And I will be well rested. I also know at least two of the other guys are big table game players, like myself. And the last reason is my buddy Petey. He's married with kids and was only able to get permission to attend this trip because of all the overtime we've worked this year. He's 99% why Worm and Spensley are going. I may try one of those Sports Guy wrap ups upon my return.

I think Chauncey Billups is a winner. He seems to be the type of player that would make any team better. AI is not that type of player.

Hockey article!!!!!! It's about the much anticipated comeback of Claude Lemieux (I spelled that right the first attempt). I will give a detailed rundown of the article upon request.

2008 Year in Sports Media. These sections are easy to read. 'The Wrestler' is the sports movie of the year. I've heard good things. I guess it's a real life look at some 80's wrestler played by Mickey Rourke.

(Leinart to Fitzgerald 76 yard touchdown. If I were in an important fantasy football game, which I'm not, and I lost because of that, I would be sooooo pissed. It's 47-0 with 6:30 remaining. Why is Fitzgerald playing?).

Other thoughts -

Tyler Hansbrough became the all-time leading scorer in UNC history. Congrats Psycho T.

I have lost all interest in the NFL for the next couple weeks. The Packers suck and my FFL teams are all done. I had a mediocre year in all 3 leagues I'm in. I narrowly missed the playoffs in 2 leagues and lost immediately in the playoffs in the other league. Pretty much par for the course. My FFL prime was around 1995. My interest will pick up significantly around January 18th when I'm perched on the Mirage Sports Book for the NFC/AFC championship games.

(Sports Bottle's) God loves Twinkies

To let you know how bad the injury situation is getting with the White Broncos, I am leaning STRONGLY towards STARTING Leon fucking Washington in the championship game. It appears nearly certain that my second best player Anquan Boldin is out with a face (actually I think it is herpes or something, but whatever), my third best player Marion Barber is a)probably not going to play and b) has a brutal matchup. So there it is, the New York Jets second fucking running back is going to be leaned upon heavily to make me money. If I don't lose by 30 I will be surprised.

In other beating dead horse news: I can't wait for the "magicJack St. Petersberg Bowl" at the venerable old college football venue, The Tropicana Dome. /shakes head in disgust.

Two really good college basketball games on this afternoon: #2 Gonzaga v. #13 UConn and #4 Xavier v. #11 Duke. (all ratings are from the Basketball State). FYI UW is ranked #29 and Creighton is #49.

Going to a "Christmas Party" tonight at my sister in-law's house. I put it in quotes because I'm going to see all of these fucking people in 5 days, so it is really an excuse to show off how much money they have. Regardless, it will suck because this is the sister in-law that judges my wife and I for "how much we drink". This is funny for at least four reasons: 1)She has never had more than 2 drinks in her life, 2) Therefore she thinks more than 2 drinks means you "have a problem", 3) I probably get drunk like 6 times a year (down from 256 in 2003), 4) Her husband used to enjoy drinking, but is now a beaten down shell of his former self, and tries to pile drinks on me so they have something to gossip about. It is supposed to snow another 4 to 8 inches tonight (fuck mother nature), so the wife and I have discussed the possibility of getting snowed in, and then purposely getting completely shitfaced just to prove a point. In reality we will be in bed by 10.

More Impatience

I would just like to follow up my agreement with everything in the last post (except that if they lose to the 0-15 Lionesses, I want McCarthy's ass on a platter), with another local sports radio rant. There has been a constant, and by constant I mean coincidentally the same percentage of people who disapprove of the fact that A-Rodg was our starting QB from day one, stream of people bitching about how "A-Rodg can't win the big game" or that "he doesn't come through in the clutch". Well, I would like to go ahead and call bullshit on that, and here is why. First, he has played in 14 full games now. Find me a QB with 14 career games that wins every time he gets the ball with under 2 minutes. Second, he doesn't call the plays. Sure, he has some liberties I imagine with audibles and such, but on a whole, he isn't the one calling draw plays. Third, last I checked there are 10 other players on offense. So when the left side of the O-line decides not to block, or Jermichael Finley drops a pass on one of the great plays designed for him, it really isn't A-Rodg's fault. Fourth, he doesn't play defense or special teams. There are three games that I can think of off the top of my head (and I'm sure there are more) (at Min, Car, Hou) where he lead the team down the field for a score, and either special teams (missed FG, 2 long KO returns v. Car) fucks up, or the defense allows a march down the field for the winning score. In the Minnesota and Carolina games he did it TWICE, only to have one of the other groups fuck it up.

So chill out on finding a reason to hate A-Rodg. He'll get there. Just be thankful he isn't one of the shitheads (Dilweg, Kiel, Wright, Whitehurst, Zorn, Risher, Tomczak) that played in the 80's and 90's. To the radio hosts credit, he went on similar rant and basically told people to "Leave Aaron Rodgers alone!" He really is the least of our problems.

PS. The fact that Nick Collins made the Pro Bowl should be investigated. Are the Packers and the NFC Pro Bowl team the only ones that use a Free Safety? That is about the only reason I could see (other than the randomness of this Darren Sharper like INT/Returns for TDs). The biggest snub on the Packers is clearly either Jermichael Finley or Justin Harrell. Also, the fact that a certain New York Jets QB made the squad despite leading the AFC in INTs is gay.

I'm not sure why I even care about the Pro Bowl rosters, because they stopped playing the Pro Bowl when I was 8.

GREEN Bay, the Yanks and OJSFA

I checked out UW v. UWGB on the Big10 network last night. Pretty entertaining game, and a much more impressive win for UW that you probably think. Anyway, there were two important things that stuck out about the game for me. First, it still bothers me that UWGB insists on being referred to as "Green Bay" instead of "Wisconsin-Green Bay". Who do they think they are? Fucking Memphis State? But what was more bothersome was that the announcer was obviously not from the Midwest, and kept saying GREEN Bay by putting the emphasis on GREEN, when the emphasis should be on BAY. GREEEEEEN Bay instead of Green BAYY It drove me fucking crazy.

I hate the New York Yankees. I always have and always will. They exist on the same list as the Cubs in baseball, the Cowboys, Bears, Vikings and Lions in football, Duke, North Carolina, Michigan St., and Kentucky in college basketball and Michigan and Ohio St. in college football. Teams that when they lose, it brings me great joy. The shit is just getting ridiculous. They have already spent so much on payroll this year (and there are rumors they are after Texiera and Man-Ram too...) that they are dwarfing a number of other teams entire payrolls. And that is JUST on CC and Burnett. That doesn't even take the contracts of Jeter and A-Rod into consideration. Both of them make well over $20mil a year too. While this is the biggest splurge they have had in awhile, keep in mind how well it has gone for them in the past (Carl Pavano). The baseball world will likely be righted again with the Yankees in the playoffs for me to root against, and the Brewers out. But how great would it be to see the Yanks struggle and fail? Pretty fucking great. We are two bad years away from the Yankees requesting their own bailout package.

OJSFA playoffs on tap today. I am taking on Richard. There is a tremendous amount of pressure on the game because $100 are on the line. Winner is guaranteed that much, loser has to win next week to get $50. Richard beat me like red-headed step child last week. But I think I generally like my player's matchups a little better this week. I still have the lingering Marion Barber problem. I have no clue if he is going to start, and he plays Sunday night meaning if I take the chance to start him and find out he's not, I am stuck with Tashard Choice. It could be worse, but I would rather not be put in that position. The Giants D is pretty tough too, so neither is a great matchup. In that alternative, I could start Steve Breaston (who only scores when I don't play him) or Leon Washington (reach play). Santonio Holmes and Jerricho Cotchery are also on my roster, but are dead to me. I don't know what the fuck to do. Finally, I have made the decision to start Phil Rivers (v. KC) over Tony Romo (v. NYG) this week. Rivers has been tremendously inconsistent this year, but has had really, really big games this year. Romo has struggled a bit lately, and I don't really like what is happening in Dallas this year. This is probably a really dumb move on my part, since it has been Romo that has gotten me here. But fuck it. Go me.

Packers 31, Jags 30. (really I have no confidence that the Pack has any chance in this one). Greg Jennings has 0 catches, Ryan Grant runs for -8 yds and has no catches, Mojo Drew has 128 yds rushing, 11 catches for 67 yds and 4 TDs.

Friday Afternoon Coast

It's now 3. Been here for about 8.5 hours. Got a whole bunch of work done. Now I am in full on stare at the clock mode. I was just given another project, but am going to do what I tend to do on Friday afternoons, which is open the file in front of me on my desk, and surf the Internet while pretending to "research". I will also try to stare down at it, or pretend to write when one of my bosses walks by. 80% of the time, it works all the time. I've been at the job for 6 months now, and haven't been caught (at least where anyone said anything) so I'm going to go ahead and assume it is working. Plus, I was here an hour plus earlier than anyone else, and didn't take an hour and a half lunch. No opinions or intelligence to pass along really. I had a sweet trade on NBA2k9 last night: Bogut, Mbah-a-Moute (who is WAY better in real life than on the game), Francisco Elson and a 2nd rd pick to the Lakers for Lamar Odom, 2 1st rd picks and some asshole bench warmer to replace Elson who was like the 14th guy on my roster. The Lakers accepted except that selfish prick Odom refused to waive his no trade clause. 75 minutes before I can leave without permission.

An aside to the Grant situation

My man Richard's team (the defending champs)in the OJSFA is completely fucked without Grant. That would be a dirty, dirty, shame.

Complaining About a Fake Team

I had a ridiculous thing happen to me in fantasy baseball last night that I think warrants wasting space on the Internet, to match the waste I caused in my brother's brain as I bitched about when it happened last night.



It seems that the Seattle Mariners played the New York Mets in an interleague game last night. Normally, I could give a fuck less. Also typically, I don't even check to see what individual players do for me in fantasy baseball because they play about 400 games and the stats are added up every day for a week. Also there are a shitload of players on the team. I just usually change my lineup semi-daily, and look at the overall score. I'll give a "huh" when they show a score on SportsCenter and I see that Jacoby Ellsbury went 4-5, 2 2B, 3 SB or some shit. ANYWAYS (sorry, Chuck), like I said, the Mets played the Mariners last night, and I had that shitty situation where I had two starting pitchers matching up. King Felix Hernandez was going against Johan Santana. So apparently, King Felix comes up to bat in the 2nd with the bases loaded against Johan. King Felix was 1-8 with 6K's in his career, and Johan is quite possibly a hall of fame pitcher. Naturally, King Felix hits a fucking granny, which by the way was the first one by an AL pitcher in 37 fucking years. Normally, a fantasy player on my team hitting a granny is super-fantastic. However, hitting stats for pitchers don't count (which I suppose makes sense because the average pitcher hits like .175, and would change the relative values of AL pitchers). But it counts against your pitcher when he fucks up. SO, I got doubly fucked because my granny didn't count for me, but it did count against me.

End of Rant