(Sports Bottle's) God Hates the Packers

BAD JUJU

So it sounds entirely possible that going into to their "home game" at TCF Bank Stadium against the Bears, the Viqueens will be starting not He Who Shall Not Be Named, not Traveiououeys Jackson, but Joe fucking Webb. Seriously, what did the Packers organization do to piss off (Sports Bottle's) God? Why does (Sports Bottle's) God love the Bears? Off the top of my head, this is at least the THIRD must lose game that they have played against a 3rd string QB (Panthers, Dolphins, Vikings). The chances of this happening are absolutely astronomical. Fuck. Me. I wanted to play the Bears two weeks in a row anyway (assuming we actually beat the Giants and Bears and possibly the Pats).

ARE THE PHILLIES THE MIAMI HEAT OF THE NATIONAL LEAGUE

The Yanks and Sox are obviously the Heat of the AL. No argument there. But why is Cliff Lee getting blown by everyone and their brother for taking less money (kind of) to play for the Phillies? Isn't going into a rotation with the best pitcher in baseball Roy Halladay, and two other top 2 starters in Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels, JUST LIKE Le Bron signing on to play with Wade and Bosh? Will everyone get pissed if Halladay, Lee and Oswalt have a pep rally with hip hop music and fake smoke? Wanna know why nobody cares except Yankee fans? 1) Cliff Lee didn't announce his decision on national TV; 2) He didn't stab a long time franchise in the back; 3) the media is racist. So there you go. Le Bron was right.

King James is a pussy

Really Lebron? This is what you were so afraid of? Jesus tap dancing christ man, that is pretty weak. You were out of position and the kid got a nice screen around his man and you and he got an easy dunk. I'm beginning to think this is a huge publicity stunt.

Something something... Knicks something something... cap and trade something something... dark side.

Oh shit son

So apparently TMZ has acquired the Lebron video and they're going to show it at 6:45 EST tonight. I'm sure Nike is in the process of positioning it's satellites over the TMZ offices as we speak.

Unfortunately for Lebron this is the first he's ever been dunked on... ever, so it's a pretty big deal I guess.

Witness

I've been watching ESPN for about 25 minutes, and I've seen the LeBron shot roughly 600 times. And I hope I see it 600 more. You are going to be seeing that shot 10 times a year for the rest of your life ala Bryce Drew/Jordan v. Cavs. Unreal. Of course I was too busy creating a hangover with FOUR beers in three hours last night at my neighbor's house. Shit in my eye ruined me.

I did try three new New Glarus beers last night: Crack'd Wheat, Stone Soup and Black Wheat. I would rank them as follows: 1) Stone Soup, 2) Black Wheat, 3) Crack'd Wheat. The Crack'd has too much hefewiezen (too lazy to spell) flavor in it, which I can't fucking stand for some reason. Black Wheat is a little on the harsh/dark side for my taste. Stone Soup has a Scottish Ale flavor to it, which is lovely. But seriously, I don't know how I'm hungover.

BREW CREW HANGOVER

Fucking embarrassing. That's all I can say.

Sports Illustrated Preview

LeBron has to be the greatest athletic specimen in the history of mankind. According to the cover story LeBron got that ripped by never lifting weights. He only started lifting recently. How is that possible? He has a 44 inch vert. And he says he can get at least a foot higher jumping off one foot. He's 6'8" and 270 lbs. In my opinion him and Kobe are 1 and 1a as the greatest basketball players in the world. LeBron is only 24. To me its all amazing.

Bruce Springsteen is playing at the Super Bowl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Springsteen sucks.

SI Players NBA Poll - Who is the best all-around athlete in the NBA? #1 got 66%. It's obvious. Name 4 out of 5 and I'll give you a dollar.

Michael Redd out for the year. I'm not a big Redd fan. He's never gonna be the guy to lead a team but he's by far the best player we have. It's nice to see Charlie V stepping up a little now. No way the Bucks make the playoffs, especially if Bogut's playing time is spotty.

Mosley beat Margarito last Saturday night. This is the first of about 6 pending sports bets I have from my trip to Vegas. I took Mosley (4 to 1 underdog). That was a smooth $70. Awesome ass beating.

Jeff Kent definitely deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.

Super Bowl preview. SI predicts Cardinals victory. That would not be good for me. I win $130 if Steelers win by more than 7 with a combined score more than 47.

The Wake Forest dude who hit the last second layup against Duke is a world karate champion. I bet you didn't know that.

Here's an article about figure skating. Anyone interested?

Moving on...

I wouldn't mind reading Joe Torre's new book. There's a couple page excerpt here that I'll read the next time I'm taking a crunch. Must feel good for Torre, though, that the Yanks missed the playoffs last year. I know it felt good to me.

I've watched a bunch of the Australian Open, mainly b/c it's on during the early morning hours. Tennis chicks are so hot. A few of them rank in the unbelievable section of hotness. I watched all the semifinal matches. Being an American I was naturally rooting for Andy Roddick. I've seen him face Roger Federer numerous times and he gets mopped up every time. I enjoyed Serena's jumblies bouncing around during the finals. Federer vs Nadal in a couple hours. I'll be watching.

Seth Davis' Three Pointer section - What's this? "Wisconsin is sliding towards the NIT." I couldn't agree more Seth. Nice game against Northwestern tonight, by the way.

Other thoughts -

Ricky, you are a pussy. A text message at 4:30 in the morning doesn't negate your pussiness from staying in at 7pm last Saturday. You and Don are hairy vaginas. We actually had a really good time at the Helm. Played a couple hours of pool. Had another deviled egg. We should go get wings sometime.

Juice, I'm gonna start siphoning a little cash here and there in preparation for the possible (but will never happen) Vegas trip. Ricky, tell Don to come with us.

The girlfriend and I booked a trip to the Dominican Republic for March 13-18. We're staying at the Majestic Elegance in Punta Cana. 5 nights of all inclusive fun. I'll make it back just in time for the NCAA Tourney.

Game 7

I watched about 90% of the Cavs-Celtics game yesterday. Not very entertaining at all until the 4th Quarter. LeBron, as good as he was, had about the least impressive 45 point game I've seen. He forced a ton of threes, which were ill advised. Neither team could make an open shot. If this would have been tonight's Hornets-Spurs game, it would have been about 135-133 instead of the much lower score. To LeBron's credit, he was playing with 4 6th graders out there. His supporting cast is horrible, even though it is better than it was last year. There isn't a single person on that team that you could count on to make a wide open 3 (and they got a ton of them yesterday). I could not be any less impressed with a number one seed than I am with Boston right now. They might beat Detriot, but there is no way they get past whomever comes out of the West. Kobe, Chris Paul or Tony Parker/Manu Ginobili will destroy the Celts. Pierce was great yesterday, KG was surprisingly quiet, but hit shots when it mattered, the flies covering Ray Allen's corpse made a few clutch FT's (seriously, he was on the bench for the majority of the 4th qtr.)

Tonight's game ought to be much more entertaining. No Brewer game, or any TV to affect its uninterrupted viewing. Also, it starts before midnight, which is always good.

God help us if we get anybody v. The Spurs in the Finals again.

The Morning Dump Vol. 2

- The Brewers appear to be firmly out of their slump. They hammered the Cards' ace last night (with the help of a timely error).

-My torrid, non-sexual, love affair with Ryan Braun is officially heating up again. 4HRs in 6 ABs will do that to a guy. I have as many feelings as one man can legally have for another in the state of Wisconsin. ETA on when I have a Ryan Braun jersey is under 30 days.

-Oh, and forget what I had to say about Mitchy Stetter in any sort of closer role (21 pitches, 16 balls, will do that to a guy).

-The Brewers had FOUR people in their starting lineup with a BA under the Mendoza line. Weeks (.188), Hall (.199), Cameron (.180) and Bush. That is pretty unacceptable for a major league team in mid-May. NO thought on Yost's part to at least shuffle the lineup a little, or to give Gwynn more starts.

-Starting a new feature here, the daily Weeks update where I write down Weeks line last night and then I point and laugh, and then throw something across the room. Last night: 0 for 4, saw 11 TOTAL PITCHES, GIDP, 0 BB, 0 HBP (solid effort). Season: .188, 5HR, 13RBI, .654 OPS (on base plus slugging percentage, .750 is considered average for all players, .650 is considered poor, a good leadoff man is usually above .750).

-A little confused on how Mota got a save last night. I think the way it works is if the number of guys on base + the man at bat + number of outs left= the # of runs you are up you get a save. Mota came in with bases loaded with two outs, up by five. Either way, I guess that makes "The Committee" 2-0, and Gagne 10-7. Gagne sucked again last night by the way.

-That dunk by LeBron in the 4th last night was spectacular.

-Asdrubal Cabrera's unassisted triple play was the 14th in MLB history, which is insane.

-Friday afternoon I am leaving to go to Syttende Mai in Stoughton, WI, which I guess is Norwegian independence day or some shit. Playing in the annual golf tournament which is called Shit-In-My-Eye which a bunch of college buddies. The tournament usually involves carts tipping over and at least one person being hit with a golf ball. Inevitably, I get black out drunk and puke. This year will be the wife's inaugural (and probably last) appearance.