I was going to lead this post off with the YouTube video of the monkey forcibly raping a frog's mouth. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Suffice it to say it is hilarious and you should check it out. I felt like it was kind of a metaphor for the game yesterday, as Lovie played his entire team in a meaningless game, the entire time, just to try to prove a point. The point he actually proved? Jay Cutler isn't very good.
Not an impressive win by any means, but I will take it. McCarthy may have actually saved his job by running the play action to Donald Lee (as an aside, what the fuck happened to Donald Lee??? He was a Pro Bowl alternate two years ago, and now he can't beat out fucking Tom Crabtree!!). I IMPLORE Mike McCarthy, PLEASE stop running Kuhn out of the fullback spot. It works ONCE a year. If you do it once a GAME, teams start game planning for it. It is really, really hard for an NFL team to run from the FB spot, because the FB gets like 2 yards to build up speed, and typically the FBs aren't exactly shifty. If you want to run Kuhn, I don't have a huge problem with it, but give the man the six yards he desperately needs to see a hole and build up his battering ram speed. Or let me play Madden in the box and call plays for you McCarthy. Either way.
I'm a little freaked out by the Eagles, by Vick, by the thought that Vick might mistake B.J. Raji for a St. Bernard and electrocute him, by Andy Reid's kid giving me some bad ex that makes me OD, by Desean Jackson returning punts, by the ghost of 4th and 26. The Eagles can't be thrilled to get us either, but unless you played the Seahawks, there was no easy draw in the NFC. I can't really predict this game. I wouldn't bet on us winning, but we definitely could. I bet it will be close if we lose. We haven't gotten beat by more than a FG all season (probably not a fact, I didn't look it up, it just feels that way). I played it in Madden last night and the Pack won 35-14, so I guess you should probably go single handedly move the Vegas line with your betting Sports Bottle.
THIS JUST IN!!!!!!
The two massage therapists from the Jets filed a sexual harassment claim against He Who Shall Not Be Named and the Jets!!!!!! Fucking sweet!!! I wish they had done it ten weeks ago, but still hilarious to kick him while he is down!! "I guess I have bad intentions". GREAT!
I had a whole other rant about hating people at the gym, but it will have to wait because I have to go scour the He Who Not Be Named sex pleadings. Out!
Showing posts with label Madden. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Madden. Show all posts
Monday, January 3, 2011
Monday, August 16, 2010
By Popular Demand
I've been requested to give a recap of the only thing more boring than people talking about their fantasy football teams, and/or previewing fantasy football games: someone else's fantasy football draft.
But first, this quick aside. Madden '11. Vikings at Packers. 2nd quarter. He goes down with a torn PCL. Nice.
FRIDAY NIGHT
-Mark, my brother and I meet out at a bar for dinner. We eat, have a few beers. Mark needs to go to the grocery store. We end up deciding once in for all that we are making Ron Ron Juice. I'd like to jump in on myself here and point out that the three of us are 29, 26 and 29 years old respectively. And are not teenage girls. Ok, my brother and I both had vodka on the ready, so we needed the juice and fruit. We bought it. Went back to play Mark's arcade machine, drink Kul Lite (no umlaut available on Blogger). About 2 am I died.
SATURDAY
I went home to shower. While cleaning myself, Richard asked my wife out on a date for bloody mary's. Fucking prick. He gracefully invited me. We go to Stadium View at 10:00 am. Richard's car nearly gets towed because it is a game day. They were charging to park NINE HOURS before a PRESEASON GAME. And people were paying. And tailgating. This happens nowhere else on earth, I can promise you. We have a couple of drinks and head over for some drafting. Start pounding Horny Goat beer. It is good. Finally everyone arrives. We draft. Duper/Spensely managed to draft Ben Tate, who went out for the year that very evening. Which is funny as shit. Some other questionable picks were had, and the popular quote to take away was "Any time you can get a running back that splits carries with two other running backs, you probably need to draft him."
SATURDAY NIGHT
And now things get sketchy. It is decided after the draft that it is time for Ron Ron Juice. It was delicious. Then the Packers started. Well, the offense did anyway. Defense, not so much. I'm teetering on black out by like 8 pm., so what is the next step? You guessed it. Let's go to the bars. All I can really tell you about the bars is at some point we end up at either the gayest straight bar on earth, or the straightest gay bar. It had stripper poles, and it also had nothing but guys in it. Anyway, prior to this draft, my wife felt it would be a good idea to set up one of my friends with one of her friends. And when I tell you it was a disaster of epic proportions, I wouldn't be even close to adequately describing the carnage. In no particular order, the following occurred: guy having to be coaxed into talking to girl, girl ignoring him, awkward conversation (to put it mildly), completely random non-sensical rambling/slurred speech by guy, girl wearing a sombrero, guy grabbing a FULL (and unwanted) handful of girls ass, my wife apologizing to her friend, guy getting booted from the bar for reasons unknown (although being a drunken asshole is probably one of them), guy trying to come back and getting nearly thrown down the 29 steps by the bounce, guy leaving his hat at the bar which had a house key in it for some reason, even though he clearly had pants with pockets on, guy wandering around downtown Green Bay by himself and nobody really caring that much, 6 of us eventually hopping in a cab and leaving guy downtown with Schmock.
We then got back to Mark's. Bear used the blow up mattress in the living room as a trampoline. I broke my kneecap on Bear's head. I passed out, and am still sick. Fun!
But first, this quick aside. Madden '11. Vikings at Packers. 2nd quarter. He goes down with a torn PCL. Nice.
FRIDAY NIGHT
-Mark, my brother and I meet out at a bar for dinner. We eat, have a few beers. Mark needs to go to the grocery store. We end up deciding once in for all that we are making Ron Ron Juice. I'd like to jump in on myself here and point out that the three of us are 29, 26 and 29 years old respectively. And are not teenage girls. Ok, my brother and I both had vodka on the ready, so we needed the juice and fruit. We bought it. Went back to play Mark's arcade machine, drink Kul Lite (no umlaut available on Blogger). About 2 am I died.
SATURDAY
I went home to shower. While cleaning myself, Richard asked my wife out on a date for bloody mary's. Fucking prick. He gracefully invited me. We go to Stadium View at 10:00 am. Richard's car nearly gets towed because it is a game day. They were charging to park NINE HOURS before a PRESEASON GAME. And people were paying. And tailgating. This happens nowhere else on earth, I can promise you. We have a couple of drinks and head over for some drafting. Start pounding Horny Goat beer. It is good. Finally everyone arrives. We draft. Duper/Spensely managed to draft Ben Tate, who went out for the year that very evening. Which is funny as shit. Some other questionable picks were had, and the popular quote to take away was "Any time you can get a running back that splits carries with two other running backs, you probably need to draft him."
SATURDAY NIGHT
And now things get sketchy. It is decided after the draft that it is time for Ron Ron Juice. It was delicious. Then the Packers started. Well, the offense did anyway. Defense, not so much. I'm teetering on black out by like 8 pm., so what is the next step? You guessed it. Let's go to the bars. All I can really tell you about the bars is at some point we end up at either the gayest straight bar on earth, or the straightest gay bar. It had stripper poles, and it also had nothing but guys in it. Anyway, prior to this draft, my wife felt it would be a good idea to set up one of my friends with one of her friends. And when I tell you it was a disaster of epic proportions, I wouldn't be even close to adequately describing the carnage. In no particular order, the following occurred: guy having to be coaxed into talking to girl, girl ignoring him, awkward conversation (to put it mildly), completely random non-sensical rambling/slurred speech by guy, girl wearing a sombrero, guy grabbing a FULL (and unwanted) handful of girls ass, my wife apologizing to her friend, guy getting booted from the bar for reasons unknown (although being a drunken asshole is probably one of them), guy trying to come back and getting nearly thrown down the 29 steps by the bounce, guy leaving his hat at the bar which had a house key in it for some reason, even though he clearly had pants with pockets on, guy wandering around downtown Green Bay by himself and nobody really caring that much, 6 of us eventually hopping in a cab and leaving guy downtown with Schmock.
We then got back to Mark's. Bear used the blow up mattress in the living room as a trampoline. I broke my kneecap on Bear's head. I passed out, and am still sick. Fun!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Atari, Hart, Dez, Madden, Zombies
Three thoughts:
First, what the fuck is Atari Bigby's problem? First, he screws around trying to get some kind of long term, lucrative deal from the Pack, because he is upset that he got screwed out of unrestricted free agency. He might have been rightfully pissed, but if his agent and his union had been doing their job, they could've avoided whatever surprise there was and tried to get something worked out before he got screwed. So he doesn't sign his RFA tender, and nobody offers him more money, because he was half injured, half not very good last year. The Packers go out and draft Morgan Burnett, who is probably his replacement. Rather than react to this drafting by signing his tender, showing up to offseason workouts and trying to stop Burnett from taking his job, he drags things out even longer, eventually getting even LESS money because the Packers reduced his tender after nobody else could sign him anyway. Then he signs like the week before training camp, and shows up with an injury and fails his physical. What exactly was the thinking here? Its like he kept it a secret all summer because the Packers doctors hadn't seen him since last January. Was he rehabbing it correctly? What was he doing exactly? Now Burnett is going to get reps with the ones until Bigby gets healthy. Thanks Atari.
Second, I'm not thrilled that the Crew hasn't made any moves. Maybe they didn't get offered enough. I don't have a big problem not shipping Fielder if the offers weren't great. But Hart can't be worth that much can he? I hope it was the injury that hampered this and not the Crew looking to get blown away. This has opened the door for a August/September where Corey remembers he's Corey and hits .210 with 3 HRs. And then they get nothing in the winter for Hart.
I'm going on record as being glad that Dez Bryant got hurt. Why has everyone just jumped on the Cowboys bandwagon all of a sudden? Not that the Packer's bandwagon isn't full. But the Cowboys did virtually nothing but draft Bryant, and suddenly they are the favorites. Shouldn't the Saints be considered favorites? Maybe the Queens if He comes back? I don't know why I have a problem with people thinking the Cowboys are good. Perhaps because I hate them and their fans are douchebags. That might be it.
Madden 11 comes out in 10 days. I downloaded the demo. It was fun. I will buy it. I'm almost 30.
I watched Zombieland last night. Fucking spectacular. One of the better movies I've seen in awhile. Best Abigail Breslin performance by far.
First, what the fuck is Atari Bigby's problem? First, he screws around trying to get some kind of long term, lucrative deal from the Pack, because he is upset that he got screwed out of unrestricted free agency. He might have been rightfully pissed, but if his agent and his union had been doing their job, they could've avoided whatever surprise there was and tried to get something worked out before he got screwed. So he doesn't sign his RFA tender, and nobody offers him more money, because he was half injured, half not very good last year. The Packers go out and draft Morgan Burnett, who is probably his replacement. Rather than react to this drafting by signing his tender, showing up to offseason workouts and trying to stop Burnett from taking his job, he drags things out even longer, eventually getting even LESS money because the Packers reduced his tender after nobody else could sign him anyway. Then he signs like the week before training camp, and shows up with an injury and fails his physical. What exactly was the thinking here? Its like he kept it a secret all summer because the Packers doctors hadn't seen him since last January. Was he rehabbing it correctly? What was he doing exactly? Now Burnett is going to get reps with the ones until Bigby gets healthy. Thanks Atari.
Second, I'm not thrilled that the Crew hasn't made any moves. Maybe they didn't get offered enough. I don't have a big problem not shipping Fielder if the offers weren't great. But Hart can't be worth that much can he? I hope it was the injury that hampered this and not the Crew looking to get blown away. This has opened the door for a August/September where Corey remembers he's Corey and hits .210 with 3 HRs. And then they get nothing in the winter for Hart.
I'm going on record as being glad that Dez Bryant got hurt. Why has everyone just jumped on the Cowboys bandwagon all of a sudden? Not that the Packer's bandwagon isn't full. But the Cowboys did virtually nothing but draft Bryant, and suddenly they are the favorites. Shouldn't the Saints be considered favorites? Maybe the Queens if He comes back? I don't know why I have a problem with people thinking the Cowboys are good. Perhaps because I hate them and their fans are douchebags. That might be it.
Madden 11 comes out in 10 days. I downloaded the demo. It was fun. I will buy it. I'm almost 30.
I watched Zombieland last night. Fucking spectacular. One of the better movies I've seen in awhile. Best Abigail Breslin performance by far.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Mel Gibson, Pro Bowl, Grammys, Madden '10
The weekend that didn't involve getting blacked out in La Crosse (please provide me with details), but that did involve copious amounts of time sitting around by myself when I could have been drinking, separated by paragraphs.
MOVIE REVIEW
Saw "The Edge of Darkness" starring 90-year old, alcoholic, anti-Semite, Mel Gibson. It was pretty awesome. In 2010, I've decided to go with a 10 point system to rank the 4 movies I'm going to see. I would give it a 7.5 out of 10, which is solid but not spectacular.
MADDEN '10
I had a lot of spare time on my hands so I decided to see if I could simulate to the end of Franchise mode on Madden. I didn't get anywhere close (I'm not actually sure where it ends). I'm not sure what the point of this is other than I needed an excuse to say that after I shitcanned Mike McCarthy after 15 seasons, 11 playoff appearances, and one Super Bowl title, the next three coaches were: Walter Jones (6 seasons, 1 playoff), Asante Samuel (3 seasons, 0 playoffs) and Brandon Jacobs (in first season). I always think it is funny to see which former players get put in the coaching ranks.
PRO BOWL/GRAMMYS
Not sure which was more lacking. The lack of interest of the Pro Bowlers in "blocking" and "tackling" or the lack of giving a shit about not swearing by Drake, Eminem and Lil' Wayne during their performance.
I like swearing and flipping a middle finger to CBS/FCC as much as the next guy, but when you do a 4 minute performance and 2 minutes 30 seconds is sporadic silence due to editing, it gets a little annoying.
I personally have no problem with the Pro Bowlers not giving a shit. I want to personally thank Mario Williams for not killing A-Rodg when he went unblocked into the backfield. I want to say fuck you to Vincent Jackson for blindsiding Clay Matthews and nearly killing him on a block.
Also, nobody told me I was going to need 3D glasses for the Michael Jackson tribute at the Grammys. So I got blurry Carrie Underwood instead of 3D Carrie Underwood. Not cool.
Please return to not having your time wasted.
MOVIE REVIEW
Saw "The Edge of Darkness" starring 90-year old, alcoholic, anti-Semite, Mel Gibson. It was pretty awesome. In 2010, I've decided to go with a 10 point system to rank the 4 movies I'm going to see. I would give it a 7.5 out of 10, which is solid but not spectacular.
MADDEN '10
I had a lot of spare time on my hands so I decided to see if I could simulate to the end of Franchise mode on Madden. I didn't get anywhere close (I'm not actually sure where it ends). I'm not sure what the point of this is other than I needed an excuse to say that after I shitcanned Mike McCarthy after 15 seasons, 11 playoff appearances, and one Super Bowl title, the next three coaches were: Walter Jones (6 seasons, 1 playoff), Asante Samuel (3 seasons, 0 playoffs) and Brandon Jacobs (in first season). I always think it is funny to see which former players get put in the coaching ranks.
PRO BOWL/GRAMMYS
Not sure which was more lacking. The lack of interest of the Pro Bowlers in "blocking" and "tackling" or the lack of giving a shit about not swearing by Drake, Eminem and Lil' Wayne during their performance.
I like swearing and flipping a middle finger to CBS/FCC as much as the next guy, but when you do a 4 minute performance and 2 minutes 30 seconds is sporadic silence due to editing, it gets a little annoying.
I personally have no problem with the Pro Bowlers not giving a shit. I want to personally thank Mario Williams for not killing A-Rodg when he went unblocked into the backfield. I want to say fuck you to Vincent Jackson for blindsiding Clay Matthews and nearly killing him on a block.
Also, nobody told me I was going to need 3D glasses for the Michael Jackson tribute at the Grammys. So I got blurry Carrie Underwood instead of 3D Carrie Underwood. Not cool.
Please return to not having your time wasted.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Weekend Schizophrenia
Wow. Where to begin? How about a list? In chronological order? Don't mind if I do!
-Well, Bucky took care of his shit. (8-2) is looking pretty good right now (especially to get into the Get Together). Anything short of (10-2) is going to be disappointing. It really is too bad that college football is stupid and they will get no chance to do anything special. Not saying they would, but at least they would get a shot.
-CU played Dayton tough, and looked really, really good in the first half. But ultimately they couldn't hang on. Not a back breaking loss, but they aren't going to get any favors from the committee going forward. They are going to need a big win in Orlando (pretty sure they play Michigan, which would qualify) for their resume, or they will need to wipe out the Valley. It is early to make these proclamations, but when you are a mid-major, your margin for error is razor thin.
-Movie Review: "Law Abiding Citizen". I don't see that many movies in the theater. This one was pretty fucking bad ass. I would recommend it. The premise is a tad ridiculous, and by tad I mean completely impossible. But it was cool either way. Jamie Foxx still isn't a very good actor. He should stick to playing cross-dressers in "In Living Color". But he didn't ruin the movie. I'd give it 3.5 out of 5, although I am a very tough judge.
-Ladies and gentlemen, Brandon Jennings! You know he is good when I'm getting text messages from MORE THAN ONE random person to get me to turn on the game, especially when these people are not really huge NBA fans. And then, when I do turn it on, my wife (who is probably in the bottom 5 in the nation in NBA-fandom, and who every time I turn a Bucks game on, which is very infrequently, remarks that she "wishes the Bucks would move from Milwaukee so she didn't have to think about them sucking anymore") was interested. What a ridiculous performance. Make room on the bandwagon! (at least until their first 10 game losing streak or inevitable Jennings injury). This all means I will probably make room for them in the channel switching rotation, and be cognizant of when they actually play, lets not get crazy yet. But it does appear from 7 games that the Bucks have finally hit big on a lottery pick.
-The Packers have a mental illness. How they can go from playing as bad as they did last week to playing as well as they did (generally) this week? We lose to one of the worst teams in the league and then beat one of the best? I dunno. The defense was preseason-esque. They were all over Romo's ass. Woodson did his best defensive player of the year impression: 9 tackles, 2 forced fumbles, INT, sack. Hawk and Barnett were not non-existent. Clay Matthews continues to impress. B.J. Raji had a tackle! The O-line kept the sack count under 5, which is a slight improvement at least. The penalties were still awful, and inexcusable, but we can't expect to fix everything overnight. Special teams didn't kill us. Suddenly, I think they can be 7-4 after the Lions game. I love completely changing my outlook on the entire season based on the outcome of one game.
-UW held on 75-46 to beat a feisty Indiana University Purdue University at Fort Wayne Mastadon team. There were like 200 people at the Kohl Center. This game counted. IPFW is a real team.
-Someone should tell Bill Belichick that he isn't playing a game of Madden '10 in that hoodie. He is coaching a real NFL game. Seriously, I would lead towards punting in Madden. That was CRAZY.
-Well, Bucky took care of his shit. (8-2) is looking pretty good right now (especially to get into the Get Together). Anything short of (10-2) is going to be disappointing. It really is too bad that college football is stupid and they will get no chance to do anything special. Not saying they would, but at least they would get a shot.
-CU played Dayton tough, and looked really, really good in the first half. But ultimately they couldn't hang on. Not a back breaking loss, but they aren't going to get any favors from the committee going forward. They are going to need a big win in Orlando (pretty sure they play Michigan, which would qualify) for their resume, or they will need to wipe out the Valley. It is early to make these proclamations, but when you are a mid-major, your margin for error is razor thin.
-Movie Review: "Law Abiding Citizen". I don't see that many movies in the theater. This one was pretty fucking bad ass. I would recommend it. The premise is a tad ridiculous, and by tad I mean completely impossible. But it was cool either way. Jamie Foxx still isn't a very good actor. He should stick to playing cross-dressers in "In Living Color". But he didn't ruin the movie. I'd give it 3.5 out of 5, although I am a very tough judge.
-Ladies and gentlemen, Brandon Jennings! You know he is good when I'm getting text messages from MORE THAN ONE random person to get me to turn on the game, especially when these people are not really huge NBA fans. And then, when I do turn it on, my wife (who is probably in the bottom 5 in the nation in NBA-fandom, and who every time I turn a Bucks game on, which is very infrequently, remarks that she "wishes the Bucks would move from Milwaukee so she didn't have to think about them sucking anymore") was interested. What a ridiculous performance. Make room on the bandwagon! (at least until their first 10 game losing streak or inevitable Jennings injury). This all means I will probably make room for them in the channel switching rotation, and be cognizant of when they actually play, lets not get crazy yet. But it does appear from 7 games that the Bucks have finally hit big on a lottery pick.
-The Packers have a mental illness. How they can go from playing as bad as they did last week to playing as well as they did (generally) this week? We lose to one of the worst teams in the league and then beat one of the best? I dunno. The defense was preseason-esque. They were all over Romo's ass. Woodson did his best defensive player of the year impression: 9 tackles, 2 forced fumbles, INT, sack. Hawk and Barnett were not non-existent. Clay Matthews continues to impress. B.J. Raji had a tackle! The O-line kept the sack count under 5, which is a slight improvement at least. The penalties were still awful, and inexcusable, but we can't expect to fix everything overnight. Special teams didn't kill us. Suddenly, I think they can be 7-4 after the Lions game. I love completely changing my outlook on the entire season based on the outcome of one game.
-UW held on 75-46 to beat a feisty Indiana University Purdue University at Fort Wayne Mastadon team. There were like 200 people at the Kohl Center. This game counted. IPFW is a real team.
-Someone should tell Bill Belichick that he isn't playing a game of Madden '10 in that hoodie. He is coaching a real NFL game. Seriously, I would lead towards punting in Madden. That was CRAZY.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Points of Interest (Or Not)
-Nothing big to write about today, so I'm going straight up list style.
-I sort of watched most of the Brewer game yesterday. Color me not that fucking interested. Other than that one inning, it wasn't real exciting.
-I'm far more interested in whether Tyrell Sutton is going to make the Packers, or if Desmond Bishop is going to beat out A.J. Hawk for starting MLB. Is that so wrong?
-I don't have a real good feel for either of the above questions, because I've watched both preseason games through a haze of booze.
-Friday we got invited to sit in the back yard, drink, and watch the Packers v. Cardinals. I've got no desire to ever drink again (hang over day three), but I was going to watch anyway...
-In my fantasy baseball league with the old dudes, I've basically got $75 riding on the matchup this week. 2nd place in regular season gets $75, I'm in second 2 games up, and I'm playing the third place dude.
-Madden '10 update: Packers went 13-3, lost to the Giants at home in the NFC Championship 28-23. I got dominated by their defense, but took the Pack inside the 15 with under a minute left, and proceeded to have TWO dropped TD passes (Ruvell Martin and Jordy Nelson), and two other incompletions. It was a driving snowstorm, and there were piles of snow surrounding the sidelines, which is pretty cool. I pulled a Ted Thompson and drafted a WR in round 1, even though I had one of the best receiving corps in the league. Traded away Poppinga and Harrell for cap space (because I used the space up re-signing Kampman and Jennings. Which is why they have so much space now, because Thompson isn't a fucking idiot.) To start season two, Raji (pro-bowler as a rookie) tore his pectoral and is out for the year. And I open against the Giants.
-Some bitch was riding three inches away from me all the way to work this morning. I wanted to fucking slam on the brakes and kill both of us.
-I now have 3 NFL and 1 college fantasy team. But I only care about the one that has Kevin Walter starting at WR.
-I hope to (Sports Bottle's) god that the NFL forces the Cowboys to spend $2 mil to move that scoreboard. That would be awesome.
-I sort of watched most of the Brewer game yesterday. Color me not that fucking interested. Other than that one inning, it wasn't real exciting.
-I'm far more interested in whether Tyrell Sutton is going to make the Packers, or if Desmond Bishop is going to beat out A.J. Hawk for starting MLB. Is that so wrong?
-I don't have a real good feel for either of the above questions, because I've watched both preseason games through a haze of booze.
-Friday we got invited to sit in the back yard, drink, and watch the Packers v. Cardinals. I've got no desire to ever drink again (hang over day three), but I was going to watch anyway...
-In my fantasy baseball league with the old dudes, I've basically got $75 riding on the matchup this week. 2nd place in regular season gets $75, I'm in second 2 games up, and I'm playing the third place dude.
-Madden '10 update: Packers went 13-3, lost to the Giants at home in the NFC Championship 28-23. I got dominated by their defense, but took the Pack inside the 15 with under a minute left, and proceeded to have TWO dropped TD passes (Ruvell Martin and Jordy Nelson), and two other incompletions. It was a driving snowstorm, and there were piles of snow surrounding the sidelines, which is pretty cool. I pulled a Ted Thompson and drafted a WR in round 1, even though I had one of the best receiving corps in the league. Traded away Poppinga and Harrell for cap space (because I used the space up re-signing Kampman and Jennings. Which is why they have so much space now, because Thompson isn't a fucking idiot.) To start season two, Raji (pro-bowler as a rookie) tore his pectoral and is out for the year. And I open against the Giants.
-Some bitch was riding three inches away from me all the way to work this morning. I wanted to fucking slam on the brakes and kill both of us.
-I now have 3 NFL and 1 college fantasy team. But I only care about the one that has Kevin Walter starting at WR.
-I hope to (Sports Bottle's) god that the NFL forces the Cowboys to spend $2 mil to move that scoreboard. That would be awesome.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Madden '10 Update
Bored as shit at work. So I figured I would needlessly update you all on Madden '10. It is fucking spectacular. I have found virtually nothing wrong with it. I'll give it a 9 out of 10 only because the Halftime show is ridiculously bad, and while the players look identical to real life with helmets on, they have gargantuan melons/haircuts with the helmets off. And the rosters were outdated the day the game came out because Vick doesn't exist. (I'm too cheap/lazy/don't really care about hooking my PS3 up to the Internets). Oh, and every time a Packer jumps in the stands, he is caught by six black guys, which is unrealistic because there are exactly five black people in Green Bay. But those were my biggest beefs so it is pretty goddamn good.
So far, I'm 9-2 with the Pack. Tied for first in the NFC with the Giants and one win away from a NFC North title. Only roster change I made was signing Greg Ellis (who was a free agent). B.J. Raji is an absolute beast. He is Pro Bowl bound with 6 sacks and an INT through 11 games. Al Harris leads the NFL in picks with 6. Cullen Jenkins and Kampman are also very good on defense. Nothing earth shattering on offense. Jennings and Rodgers are really good. Grant is injury prone and average. Did have a 244 yd, 4TD game with Brandon Jackson when Grant was hurt. But he followed that game up with something like 14 carries for 26 yds the next week. Only two losses were at home to the motherfucking Lions (on a last second pylon leap by Megatron), and a missed 45 yd FG loss at Tampa. I destroyed the Queens (who started the year 0-8) 31-3 and 31-0. And fucked up the Bears 20-0.
So far, I'm 9-2 with the Pack. Tied for first in the NFC with the Giants and one win away from a NFC North title. Only roster change I made was signing Greg Ellis (who was a free agent). B.J. Raji is an absolute beast. He is Pro Bowl bound with 6 sacks and an INT through 11 games. Al Harris leads the NFL in picks with 6. Cullen Jenkins and Kampman are also very good on defense. Nothing earth shattering on offense. Jennings and Rodgers are really good. Grant is injury prone and average. Did have a 244 yd, 4TD game with Brandon Jackson when Grant was hurt. But he followed that game up with something like 14 carries for 26 yds the next week. Only two losses were at home to the motherfucking Lions (on a last second pylon leap by Megatron), and a missed 45 yd FG loss at Tampa. I destroyed the Queens (who started the year 0-8) 31-3 and 31-0. And fucked up the Bears 20-0.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Happy Maddenoliday!!
After work today, I am returning from a one year College Football hiatus to stop over at the local Best Buy in my suit and tie to pick up Madden '10. I could NOT be more excited. Every five years or so, I do something crazy like last year and buy College Football instead. Inevitably, I regret that decision because Madden is the best game to come out every single year some how. I fully look forward to playing until about midnight tonight while my wife runs around cleaning the house for weekend guests.
I don't know about anyone else, but whenever I buy a video game, I feel embarrassed. A lot like I would feel if I was buying porn or something. I feel the same way buying a fantasy football magazine. I have no clue why. I bet if we took a poll of 28 year old males, well over 50% did at least one of the two. Yet, I always feel like the 19 year old working at Best Buy thinks I'm some kind of asshole that lives in his parent's basement. I don't know why I care. At the end of the day, I could avoid the "embarrassment" by ordering it online or something. But quite frankly, I'm not willing to wait an extra two days to get the game.
Every time I get the game, I sit down and immediately start a franchise with the Packers, and play every game the first season. I'll let you know how it goes. By the way, the "Maddenoliday" ads from a few years back were ingenious.
Anyways, the one downside to this whole experience is that I have a job and I have to wait until 5 to get it (my brother in I actually waited at midnight with the unwashed masses once).
Another big downside is that those assholes at EA decided to be selfish pricks and put the game out the night of the Steelers-Cardinals rematch, when coincidentally, Fitty and Polamalu were on the cover so they could run ads during the whole game. This was the biggest non-coincidence EVER. But what makes it a downside is that for the first time I can ever remember, the game is coming out on a Friday instead of a Tuesday. Leaving me without those three weekdays of non-weekend type interruptions. This all coupled with the fact that EA waited until they found out what Packer preseason ticket I was going to be forced to buy (I am convinced of this) to release the game the day before. Knowing full well that I was going to be forced to get black out drunk the next day, and not have time to play the wonderful game.
Which brings me to this weekend. Richard is going to skip cutting the grass at the house he is obviously renting in Northeast Wisconsin, and heading to GB to watch the future stars of UFL play tomorrow night. Drinks may be had. Only good thing is that it was a Saturday night game, which makes drinking easier to do. Oh, and any time you can go to Lambeau, it is spectacular (even if $60 for a preseason ticket should be illegal). And I get to see Browns third string running back and The White Broncos fifth RB Jerome Harrison! Seriously though, my wife's semi-attractive, perpetually single, kind of bitchy friend is coming along. I remember when I was a kid and we had a dog, and I would push the dog into my brother to piss it off so it would bite my brother. I plan to do the same thing with Richard and wife's friend, except that it is going to involve booze and sex.
VICK
He signed with the Eagles. Let's throw a fucking big ass ESPN party. I'm already over it. Glad I'm not watching the Packer game on TV Saturday, because somehow, it would be preempted by coverage of Philly fans throwing bricks at him.
I don't know about anyone else, but whenever I buy a video game, I feel embarrassed. A lot like I would feel if I was buying porn or something. I feel the same way buying a fantasy football magazine. I have no clue why. I bet if we took a poll of 28 year old males, well over 50% did at least one of the two. Yet, I always feel like the 19 year old working at Best Buy thinks I'm some kind of asshole that lives in his parent's basement. I don't know why I care. At the end of the day, I could avoid the "embarrassment" by ordering it online or something. But quite frankly, I'm not willing to wait an extra two days to get the game.
Every time I get the game, I sit down and immediately start a franchise with the Packers, and play every game the first season. I'll let you know how it goes. By the way, the "Maddenoliday" ads from a few years back were ingenious.
Anyways, the one downside to this whole experience is that I have a job and I have to wait until 5 to get it (my brother in I actually waited at midnight with the unwashed masses once).
Another big downside is that those assholes at EA decided to be selfish pricks and put the game out the night of the Steelers-Cardinals rematch, when coincidentally, Fitty and Polamalu were on the cover so they could run ads during the whole game. This was the biggest non-coincidence EVER. But what makes it a downside is that for the first time I can ever remember, the game is coming out on a Friday instead of a Tuesday. Leaving me without those three weekdays of non-weekend type interruptions. This all coupled with the fact that EA waited until they found out what Packer preseason ticket I was going to be forced to buy (I am convinced of this) to release the game the day before. Knowing full well that I was going to be forced to get black out drunk the next day, and not have time to play the wonderful game.
Which brings me to this weekend. Richard is going to skip cutting the grass at the house he is obviously renting in Northeast Wisconsin, and heading to GB to watch the future stars of UFL play tomorrow night. Drinks may be had. Only good thing is that it was a Saturday night game, which makes drinking easier to do. Oh, and any time you can go to Lambeau, it is spectacular (even if $60 for a preseason ticket should be illegal). And I get to see Browns third string running back and The White Broncos fifth RB Jerome Harrison! Seriously though, my wife's semi-attractive, perpetually single, kind of bitchy friend is coming along. I remember when I was a kid and we had a dog, and I would push the dog into my brother to piss it off so it would bite my brother. I plan to do the same thing with Richard and wife's friend, except that it is going to involve booze and sex.
VICK
He signed with the Eagles. Let's throw a fucking big ass ESPN party. I'm already over it. Glad I'm not watching the Packer game on TV Saturday, because somehow, it would be preempted by coverage of Philly fans throwing bricks at him.
Friday, June 20, 2008
One Bastard's Illegitimate Thoughts
- Big rumor this week in GB is the Pack trying to trade for Jason Taylor. I would be surprised to see Thompson give up any kind of draft pick in a trade. He hoards draft picks like they are the only known cure for zombie bites, and he knows something that I don't. That being said, when you have the opportunity to add someone of his caliber (even though he is on the downside of his career), and it is going to improve your team right now, then you probably need to do it. I would consider even a second round pick. This is totally a move one makes in Madden, when you have a guy that starts, and his backup that are ranked like 84 each(KGB or Jenkins), but you can add a guy in free agency that is ranked 90, you do it whether you really need to or not because it makes your whole team better. In this case, I would make goddamn fucking sure he played at least two years though. Maybe a new contract with a really low base salary, but a huge roster bonus next year?
- Neddy very nearly fucked that one up. I can't really argue with removing Bush. And probably nearly everything else he did. But why put a sub par pitcher in after a sub par guy fucked up right before? Either way, Torres arm better be as rubber as everyone says, cuz Yosty is going to be running him out there for 3 innings a game pretty soon because he is trying desperately to keep his job. 39-33 is not too fucking bad really. I just don't like Yost.
-What was the Blue Jays outfielder doing on that fake in the park homer by Prince?
-I would probably let Russell the Muscle watch when I jerk off Ryan Braun. He is that good right now. Wait, was that gay?
-I won $60 playing poker last night.
- Neddy very nearly fucked that one up. I can't really argue with removing Bush. And probably nearly everything else he did. But why put a sub par pitcher in after a sub par guy fucked up right before? Either way, Torres arm better be as rubber as everyone says, cuz Yosty is going to be running him out there for 3 innings a game pretty soon because he is trying desperately to keep his job. 39-33 is not too fucking bad really. I just don't like Yost.
-What was the Blue Jays outfielder doing on that fake in the park homer by Prince?
-I would probably let Russell the Muscle watch when I jerk off Ryan Braun. He is that good right now. Wait, was that gay?
-I won $60 playing poker last night.
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