I've been requested to give a recap of the only thing more boring than people talking about their fantasy football teams, and/or previewing fantasy football games: someone else's fantasy football draft.
But first, this quick aside. Madden '11. Vikings at Packers. 2nd quarter. He goes down with a torn PCL. Nice.
FRIDAY NIGHT
-Mark, my brother and I meet out at a bar for dinner. We eat, have a few beers. Mark needs to go to the grocery store. We end up deciding once in for all that we are making Ron Ron Juice. I'd like to jump in on myself here and point out that the three of us are 29, 26 and 29 years old respectively. And are not teenage girls. Ok, my brother and I both had vodka on the ready, so we needed the juice and fruit. We bought it. Went back to play Mark's arcade machine, drink Kul Lite (no umlaut available on Blogger). About 2 am I died.
SATURDAY
I went home to shower. While cleaning myself, Richard asked my wife out on a date for bloody mary's. Fucking prick. He gracefully invited me. We go to Stadium View at 10:00 am. Richard's car nearly gets towed because it is a game day. They were charging to park NINE HOURS before a PRESEASON GAME. And people were paying. And tailgating. This happens nowhere else on earth, I can promise you. We have a couple of drinks and head over for some drafting. Start pounding Horny Goat beer. It is good. Finally everyone arrives. We draft. Duper/Spensely managed to draft Ben Tate, who went out for the year that very evening. Which is funny as shit. Some other questionable picks were had, and the popular quote to take away was "Any time you can get a running back that splits carries with two other running backs, you probably need to draft him."
SATURDAY NIGHT
And now things get sketchy. It is decided after the draft that it is time for Ron Ron Juice. It was delicious. Then the Packers started. Well, the offense did anyway. Defense, not so much. I'm teetering on black out by like 8 pm., so what is the next step? You guessed it. Let's go to the bars. All I can really tell you about the bars is at some point we end up at either the gayest straight bar on earth, or the straightest gay bar. It had stripper poles, and it also had nothing but guys in it. Anyway, prior to this draft, my wife felt it would be a good idea to set up one of my friends with one of her friends. And when I tell you it was a disaster of epic proportions, I wouldn't be even close to adequately describing the carnage. In no particular order, the following occurred: guy having to be coaxed into talking to girl, girl ignoring him, awkward conversation (to put it mildly), completely random non-sensical rambling/slurred speech by guy, girl wearing a sombrero, guy grabbing a FULL (and unwanted) handful of girls ass, my wife apologizing to her friend, guy getting booted from the bar for reasons unknown (although being a drunken asshole is probably one of them), guy trying to come back and getting nearly thrown down the 29 steps by the bounce, guy leaving his hat at the bar which had a house key in it for some reason, even though he clearly had pants with pockets on, guy wandering around downtown Green Bay by himself and nobody really caring that much, 6 of us eventually hopping in a cab and leaving guy downtown with Schmock.
We then got back to Mark's. Bear used the blow up mattress in the living room as a trampoline. I broke my kneecap on Bear's head. I passed out, and am still sick. Fun!
Showing posts with label Jersey Shore. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jersey Shore. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Afternoon Bottle
I need to get this out of the way right away, and I hate myself for it. I was in Miami Super Bowl weekend and I had a couple hours of free time on my hands. I happen to come across a "Jersey Shore" marathon on MTV and I also happen to catch the very first episode. The hook was set right away. I couldn't stop watching. My girlfriend rolls into the room and although she continuously rips on the show, she can't stop watching either. So, Juice, I apologize for ripping on you for watching that show. At first, none of the chicks are hot. After about 2 episodes two of them are getting really hot.
Juice, get your rips in now about my Tar Heels, because your enjoyment won't last long. Besides, this is what happens when you win a national title, which they did last year by the way. They lost 4 guys to the NBA, what would you expect? And now their best player is out for the year. Oh well.
Anyways, I did my best to end my sports gambling addiction, but to no avail. I left for Miami on February 6th. Just before I left I put the rest of my money on the line with some Super Bowl picks and a $25 NHL parlay. I won the bets and had $173 in my account when I got back. So the fun continues.
The reason for the Miami trip was because of a cruise we embarked on the day of the Super Bowl. All around a good time but I would much rather do the all-inclusive resort. I doubt I'll ever go on another cruise.
The trip could not have started off worse. Our flight out was at 5:45am. Our ride to the airport was picking us up at my place at 3:45am (I live about 20 minutes from the airport). At around 3 both my girlfriend and I were ready to leave so I tell her to give our ride (her brother) a call and tell him to pick us up now. She asks, "would you rather wait in your living room or wait at the airport?" I reply, "at the airport." She doesn't call him. To make a long story short, as we wait to board the lady at the counter announces the flight is overbooked and they need two people to give up their seats. Whoever volunteers will get compensation. If no one volunteers they will be forcing two people off the plane. No one volunteers. (You can see where this is heading). Anyways, we board the plane and take our seats. We're in one of the last rows and we see the ticket counter lady board the plane. She gives one more announcement. No one volunteers. She then begins walking towards the back of the plane. My girlfriend gets nervous. I'm thinking "no fucking way." She walks past our row (yes!), stops (oh crap), turns back towards us (motherfuck) and promptly boots us off the plane (fuck fuck FUCK). I felt like yelling "bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb b-bomb" like Stiller in Meet the Parents. That is a fucking walk of shame if I've ever seen one. I was beyond fucking irate. It all boiled down to us being the last people at the airport to check in. So, in hindsight, maybe we shouldn't have waited in my living room instead of the airport, but who's keeping track, right?
Friday, December 18, 2009
Non-Degenerate's Picks for Use By Degenerate
Last Week: 11-5
Season: 95-87-1
All-Time: 229-213-3
Ind (-3), NO (-8), Phi (-8), Ari (-12.5), Hou (-12.5), KC (-1.5), Buf (+7), Bal (-10.5), Ten (-3.5), NYJ (NL), Oak (+14), SD (-6.5), GB (+1), Sea (-6.5), Min (-9), NYG (-3)
OTHER STUFF:
-The Pack is going to have its hands full Sunday, although I truthfully am not that worried. If you look at Pittsburgh, the only thing they do that we may not handle is rush the QB. We have done a much better job in the last few weeks of keeping Rodgers from dying. Pittsburgh's offense does not scare me at all. Big Ben is good, their receivers are decent and Mendenhall isn't terrible, but we've handled far better offenses. If Grant can manage his 2.9 yards a carry, Rodgers doesn't get killed, we don't give up any kick returns for TDs (definitely not a guarantee) and we just go for it or punt on every fourth down because a FGA is a waste of time, I think we win. I'm feeling 17-16, and clinching a playoff spot. Which is SWEET.
-Really, if you haven't seen "Jersey Shore" yet, you are missing something that should be in your life. It is "Real World" only not shitty, with Italians, spray tans, steroids and hair gel mixed in. This week, a chick nicknamed "Snooki" who is about 5'1" and not skinny (one of the other castmates said she was shaped like an exercise ball), got punched in the face by a dude. It was showed in full on the previews, but the show itself blacked the actual punch out (which was highly disappointing). Anyway, I highly encourage you to watch it. It is laugh out loud funny, and the best part is the people on it are not trying to be funny.
-I have to go Christmas shopping tonight to get some shit for my wife. And then we have to go tomorrow because we haven't purchased any presents. And like every year, I don't think of buying anything until it is too late to buy it online, and every year I get angry at myself.
Season: 95-87-1
All-Time: 229-213-3
Ind (-3), NO (-8), Phi (-8), Ari (-12.5), Hou (-12.5), KC (-1.5), Buf (+7), Bal (-10.5), Ten (-3.5), NYJ (NL), Oak (+14), SD (-6.5), GB (+1), Sea (-6.5), Min (-9), NYG (-3)
OTHER STUFF:
-The Pack is going to have its hands full Sunday, although I truthfully am not that worried. If you look at Pittsburgh, the only thing they do that we may not handle is rush the QB. We have done a much better job in the last few weeks of keeping Rodgers from dying. Pittsburgh's offense does not scare me at all. Big Ben is good, their receivers are decent and Mendenhall isn't terrible, but we've handled far better offenses. If Grant can manage his 2.9 yards a carry, Rodgers doesn't get killed, we don't give up any kick returns for TDs (definitely not a guarantee) and we just go for it or punt on every fourth down because a FGA is a waste of time, I think we win. I'm feeling 17-16, and clinching a playoff spot. Which is SWEET.
-Really, if you haven't seen "Jersey Shore" yet, you are missing something that should be in your life. It is "Real World" only not shitty, with Italians, spray tans, steroids and hair gel mixed in. This week, a chick nicknamed "Snooki" who is about 5'1" and not skinny (one of the other castmates said she was shaped like an exercise ball), got punched in the face by a dude. It was showed in full on the previews, but the show itself blacked the actual punch out (which was highly disappointing). Anyway, I highly encourage you to watch it. It is laugh out loud funny, and the best part is the people on it are not trying to be funny.
-I have to go Christmas shopping tonight to get some shit for my wife. And then we have to go tomorrow because we haven't purchased any presents. And like every year, I don't think of buying anything until it is too late to buy it online, and every year I get angry at myself.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Biased Reactions and Not Working
BCS
-Texas v. Alabama is probably the correct matchup if you ignore the fact that there are 3 other undefeated teams that don't get any chance for a championship for reasons that will never make sense to me (see The Get Together).
-Texas got there under dubious circumstances. Someone needs to explain to me how they were allowed that extra second. I understand that arguably the clock read 0:01 at the exact millisecond that the ball hit the ground. I can accept that it was arguably correct if the basis for "correctness" is the millisecond the ball hit the ground. And believe me when I tell you that I'm all for the use of technology, and if my team was Texas, I would not be complaining. BUT, you have got to be fucking kidding me. We are really going to decide who is going to the championship game based on how fast some dude in a booth can hit the stop button on the scoreboard clock? Since when has this ever been reviewable? I watch ALOT of football, and I've never once seen the clock reviewed in football. Basketball? All the time. Would this play have been reviewed if the roles were reversed? No fucking way. And how do we know that the clock wasn't started late on play number 41, and that really there should be negative 3 seconds left?? If we are going to look at the clock on the penultimate play, then shouldn't we make sure it is correct on EVERY play? End of bitching.
-Nice cop out by the BCS sticking TCU and Boise in the same game because they were given no choice but to put them both in their fake "Series". I would hate to see Iowa, Georgia Tech, Ohio St. or Oregon get run off the field by either or both. That could harm the idea that TCU and Boise HAD to go undefeated to get there, but in some years you can see a 4 loss team from a "BCS conference". So dumb. This also might be the best bowl game of them all. How is that going to look when that game gets the best ratings?
JERSEY SHORE
-New show on MTV. It is a must see. 8 random stereotyped "Guidos" and "Guidettes" from the East Coast (and they call themselves this), with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, are put in a shore house for the summer and given free booze. Hilarity ensues. Lets just say there is a dude who calls himself "The Situation", and he manages to work the phrase "The Situation" into just about every conversation. And it is awesome.
GAME TONIGHT
-I'm picking a relatively close Packer win. And me being frozen. And me not getting anything done at work today and leaving early.
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED
-I'm heartbroken that they got thier asskicked. Really. 2 picks in first December game after 3 in first 11? Seems about right. Nice garbage, stat stuffing TD Chilly. Ridiculous.
-Texas v. Alabama is probably the correct matchup if you ignore the fact that there are 3 other undefeated teams that don't get any chance for a championship for reasons that will never make sense to me (see The Get Together).
-Texas got there under dubious circumstances. Someone needs to explain to me how they were allowed that extra second. I understand that arguably the clock read 0:01 at the exact millisecond that the ball hit the ground. I can accept that it was arguably correct if the basis for "correctness" is the millisecond the ball hit the ground. And believe me when I tell you that I'm all for the use of technology, and if my team was Texas, I would not be complaining. BUT, you have got to be fucking kidding me. We are really going to decide who is going to the championship game based on how fast some dude in a booth can hit the stop button on the scoreboard clock? Since when has this ever been reviewable? I watch ALOT of football, and I've never once seen the clock reviewed in football. Basketball? All the time. Would this play have been reviewed if the roles were reversed? No fucking way. And how do we know that the clock wasn't started late on play number 41, and that really there should be negative 3 seconds left?? If we are going to look at the clock on the penultimate play, then shouldn't we make sure it is correct on EVERY play? End of bitching.
-Nice cop out by the BCS sticking TCU and Boise in the same game because they were given no choice but to put them both in their fake "Series". I would hate to see Iowa, Georgia Tech, Ohio St. or Oregon get run off the field by either or both. That could harm the idea that TCU and Boise HAD to go undefeated to get there, but in some years you can see a 4 loss team from a "BCS conference". So dumb. This also might be the best bowl game of them all. How is that going to look when that game gets the best ratings?
JERSEY SHORE
-New show on MTV. It is a must see. 8 random stereotyped "Guidos" and "Guidettes" from the East Coast (and they call themselves this), with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, are put in a shore house for the summer and given free booze. Hilarity ensues. Lets just say there is a dude who calls himself "The Situation", and he manages to work the phrase "The Situation" into just about every conversation. And it is awesome.
GAME TONIGHT
-I'm picking a relatively close Packer win. And me being frozen. And me not getting anything done at work today and leaving early.
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED
-I'm heartbroken that they got thier asskicked. Really. 2 picks in first December game after 3 in first 11? Seems about right. Nice garbage, stat stuffing TD Chilly. Ridiculous.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)