Best Investment Ever?

No, I'm actually not referring to the Brewers signing Ryan Braun to a gigantic extension through 2020 (more on that in a second). I'm referring to the Ryan Braun jersey that I purchased two years ago. I'm always tormented when I go to buy a jersey of another grown man. Mostly because I don't want to get stuck with a horrible jersey a year or two later.

That $75 or whatever it was was sweet. I'm going to get TWELVE years out of that fucker. It might actually fall apart before he's gone or dead! I actually wish I would've dropped $200 on an authentic one now.

Onto the signing itself. I LOVE the message it sends, and I love Ryan Braun. Also I love Mark Attanasio. Honestly, in 2019 when Braun is making something like $16 million, it might end up badly. But would you rather have Braun making $16 million in 2019, or a 350 lb first basement making 20? Does this have anything to do with Prince? Probably not, but I feel a little bit like there might be a message here to Prince and to other Brewer players present and future. If you play well, and want to play here, we will try to pay you. Braun expressed an interest to be a Brewer for life, even though he just signed an extension through 2015 like five minutes ago. In exchange for a little more money now, he gave up the right to hold a gun to the Brewer's head in 4 years, and potentially make a little more money for the last few years. It is possible if Braun continues to progress, and inflation continues, he might have made $25 mil or so by the end of this thing. The message to Prince is "We gave you this offer two years ago and you balked because Boras promised you more money, so fuck you. We aren't giving you anything." Now, it is very questionable whether this message will mean anything. Because someone is probably going to be paying Fielder what he wants. But the Brewers likely could've waited on this. I feel like they wanted Fielder around when they gave Braun $10 million extra dollars yesterday.

Seriously though, this deal is another in a long line of deals that would've never happened under previous ownership. There is a serious commitment to winning, and a serious commitment to keeping their stars, that hasn't ever been seen in Milwaukee. I'm thrilled about that, even if Braun is hitting .212 in limited playing time in 2020.

MLB DODGERS

I'm not a Dodger fan, so I can just sit back an laugh at that disaster. I did want to throw this out though. Was McCourt "borrowing money for payroll", which seemed to clearly be a cry for help (if this is in fact true), done with the intent to get MLB to step in, thereby likely driving down the value of the Dodgers? Here is my thinking. He is going through a horrendous divorce. I can speak from experience that people that are going through a divorce lose their fucking minds. They will do idiotic things, that cost them thousands of dollars (for a normal person, millions for the McCourts), just so the spouse gets less. In this case, since Ms. McCourt is entitled to half, would the absurdly rich Frank drive down the value of this asset to fuck over Ms. McCourt? Probably not, since the Dodgers might only be a drop in the bucket for these two rich assholes. But as I said, people in the midst of a divorce are fucking insane.

REAL WORLD: VEGAS

Yes, I watch the Real World. It is one of the perks to being married to a woman that would watch just about anything if there was an MTV logo in the corner. I have an excuse to watch the Real World (because I'm forced to. What am I supposed to do, go in the bedroom? The TV is all small in there!). Anyway, this season has been really solid. We've been waiting since episode one for this one kid Dustin's big secret to be revealed. Which is that he's been in gay porn. Which is fucking hilarious. We see on the previews that it gets revealed in the next episode. The snippet might have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on TV, but let me set it up for you if you haven't seen the show at all.

Dustin is a gooney white dude from the South. He immediately started a "relationship" with a girl on the show, and they've been "hooking up" (I added the quotes because what I really meant is that they have known each other for five minutes, have been locked in a suite at the Hard Rock, got bored and drunk and fucked a whole bunch). So by all accounts he is straight. In the preview they show, the girl says "Is there something you want to tell me about your past?" Response (sounds like it is in his head) "She knows!". Girl "You are all over the Internet having sex. With guys." Dustin's response (which should win him a fucking Emmy) "A guy."

There you have it. In 2011, you aren't gay if you only had sex with ONE guy. I texted my brother "Best justification for gay porn ever." He replied "He could've told her he wasn't the catcher." Which would've been good too. You should probably watch next Thursday at 9 central, or one of the 7500 times they replay it. It is going to be epic. Prediction: he talks his way out of it and the girl fucks him again by the end of the episode because she is a stupid whore.

Do They Make a Pill for This?

The Milwaukee Brewers have schizophrenia. And I'm honestly not trying to make light of the real disease, which is probably horrible. Maybe they are bi-polar. I dunno. The point is, the Brewers don't seem to know either, which is causing them to play horribly.

Sometimes the starters get shelled, and we all blame that.

Sometimes the bullpen blows a lead, and we all blame that.

Sometimes, we can't hit, and we all blame that.

The Crew is running out of things to blame. Perhaps they aren't that good. As a broad generality, I say that good teams usually don't have this many things go wrong in the first 25 games. And I'm saying this without any stats to back it up. I wish someone would prove me wrong. Sometimes good teams will go through long stretches where a lot of stuff goes wrong, and they figure it out and go on to win. But I just can't fathom a really good, playoff caliber team, that has things go this outrageously wrong with so many different things over the course of this short of a period of time. Its not like when the starters are bad, we lose 6-5. It is 9-3. When the bullpen blows leads, it is a three run lead, and it is three days in a row. When we can't hit, we get shutout 3 out of 4 games, and the game where we do score two runs, one comes on a homer from our pitcher. Things just seem to be getting out of hand.

We already are 7 games behind St. Louis, who has the champagne on ice for their divisional championship celebration on June 3rd. According to coolstandings.com, the Cards have a 77% chance of winning the division. The Brewers have a 4% chance.

Deep Breath. On to the bright side.

We are 25 games into a 1,573 game season. So it is early. And other "good" teams are sucking balls too. And they won't ALL be bad, right? Boston is 11-14 in a much tougher division. The Angels are 12-14. Atlanta is 11-4. The Dodgers are 11-14.

Prince can't possibly be this bad all year.

And if Prince is this bad all year, we can either a) resign him long term or b) convince some team to trade him for a bunch of stuff. But seriously if he sucks this year, he fucks every plan the Brewers are working on right now.

Hoffman will probably figure it out. Right?

Yo.

Rick Peterson's coat can continue to cover up what I imagine is a chest hair fro. (Dude, take off your jacket. It is 70 degrees.)

IN CONCLUSION, if Milwaukee ever needed a day off it is today. They should enjoy their day off in either San Diego or L.A., Ryan Braun can have some sort of red carpet event for whatever he is trying to sell today. I say it is a merkin. My wife says his mouthguards. Either way, he will definitely be in US Weekly this week.

AS AN ASIDE, I was watching the Kentucky Derby on Saturday and saw A-Rodg get interviewed on "Millionaire Row", and he was wearing a douchie fedora and a gray suit. But it was A-Rodg so it was awesome. In the past two weeks I've seen pictures of him in Vegas, and now drinking mint juleps with trophy whores in Kentucky.

2/16 Morning Juice

-Interesting-ish week in sports. We've got three USA hockey games (Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday), two Badger basketball games (Thursday at Minnesota, Sunday at home v. Northwestern) and I'm sure Creighton probably plays (they are frustrating as shit and I feel I'm becoming bandwagon because I haven't followed all that close, and they are easy to ignore when they are average, P.S. they play nationally popular Northern Iowa tonight). Also, pitchers and catchers on Saturday.

-If the US manages to be in medal round contention by Sunday (not a guarantee, because it is my understanding that they are extremely young), I think it will be probably the second most excited I've ever been for a hockey game. They play Canada who is 1) the favorites; 2) the host and 3) our geographic "rivals". The most excited ever was when the Badgers were in the National Championship game a few years back, which marked the only Badger hockey game I've ever seen sober. There is going to be all sorts of hype around the game and I bet the crowd will be ridiculous. I'm hoping to catch the two weekday games on the DVR.

-Figure skating is awful.

-I'm actually excited for the Brewers to play a spring training game. I'm obviously retarded.

I like what they did in the offseason. They addressed some holes (Looper, Suppan?). Although Wolf and Davis aren't stellar by any means, I can't believe they will be worse, and even average would be an improvement. If Gallardo can a) stay healthy and b) stop throwing 130 pitches through 5 innings, Parra taps into his potential by even getting to average, and somehow Suppan dies and Bush/Narveson/mystery pitcher number 5 can pitch into the 5th without giving up 5 homers on even a semi-regular basis, we should win 5 more games based on pitching alone.

Hitting wise, it is hard to imagine the new 93 year old catcher being worse than Kendall, although I'm sure we will lose a few HBP. We will make up the HBP with a full season (hopefully) from Weeks. Weeks was awesome last year before going down, but it felt a bit like a fluke since I hated him prior to last season. Only a full season from Weeks (which seems unlikely) at his early last season performance would be a true improvement at 2B. Is Escobar better than Hardy? I would say defensively it is probably a wash. Speed is a definite improvement. Hitting? Potentially. Hardy was extremely streaky, and could carry a team for a few weeks by himself. But he was also terrible at times. I would settle for mediocre if he steals a bunch of bases (if Macha lets him). 3B is going to be about the same as last year. I doubt McGehee is going to replicate last season, but Gamel should be improved just based on hype. Bruan is great in LF, Fielder is great at 1B. Hart is slightly below average in RF, but possibly Gerut (who got alot better late last year) and Edmonds (assuming he can man an outfield with a walker) could give some much needed competition. The real key I think is going to be Gomez. Is he any good? I know he's fast, and good on D. But is the speed going to make up for the 25HRs that we would've gotten from Cameron? This feels like my big concern for the offense.

In the bully, we probably got a little better with the addition of Hawkins. Lets just pray (to SportsBottle's god) that Hoffman stays healthy.

Wow. This turned into a whole Brewer season preview accidentally. I'm seeing 80 to 85 wins, and being in a wild card conversation late. The playoffs feel possible if Gallardo turns into an All-Star (not out of the question), Braun and Fielder stay healthy, and Parra/Escobar/Gomez live up to expectations. Which is coincidentally, why baseball still sucks. Because teams like Milwaukee need everything to go right, while the Yanks and Sox can afford for almost nothing to go right, and still get to the postseason.

-I'm hoping to make a few trips to Miller Park (anyone interested?), a trip to the new Target Field for Brewers/Twins/blackout drunk in May, and a trip to Petco in San Diego for a random Padres game in May or June this season.

Weekend Schizophrenia

Wow. Where to begin? How about a list? In chronological order? Don't mind if I do!

-Well, Bucky took care of his shit. (8-2) is looking pretty good right now (especially to get into the Get Together). Anything short of (10-2) is going to be disappointing. It really is too bad that college football is stupid and they will get no chance to do anything special. Not saying they would, but at least they would get a shot.

-CU played Dayton tough, and looked really, really good in the first half. But ultimately they couldn't hang on. Not a back breaking loss, but they aren't going to get any favors from the committee going forward. They are going to need a big win in Orlando (pretty sure they play Michigan, which would qualify) for their resume, or they will need to wipe out the Valley. It is early to make these proclamations, but when you are a mid-major, your margin for error is razor thin.

-Movie Review: "Law Abiding Citizen". I don't see that many movies in the theater. This one was pretty fucking bad ass. I would recommend it. The premise is a tad ridiculous, and by tad I mean completely impossible. But it was cool either way. Jamie Foxx still isn't a very good actor. He should stick to playing cross-dressers in "In Living Color". But he didn't ruin the movie. I'd give it 3.5 out of 5, although I am a very tough judge.

-Ladies and gentlemen, Brandon Jennings! You know he is good when I'm getting text messages from MORE THAN ONE random person to get me to turn on the game, especially when these people are not really huge NBA fans. And then, when I do turn it on, my wife (who is probably in the bottom 5 in the nation in NBA-fandom, and who every time I turn a Bucks game on, which is very infrequently, remarks that she "wishes the Bucks would move from Milwaukee so she didn't have to think about them sucking anymore") was interested. What a ridiculous performance. Make room on the bandwagon! (at least until their first 10 game losing streak or inevitable Jennings injury). This all means I will probably make room for them in the channel switching rotation, and be cognizant of when they actually play, lets not get crazy yet. But it does appear from 7 games that the Bucks have finally hit big on a lottery pick.

-The Packers have a mental illness. How they can go from playing as bad as they did last week to playing as well as they did (generally) this week? We lose to one of the worst teams in the league and then beat one of the best? I dunno. The defense was preseason-esque. They were all over Romo's ass. Woodson did his best defensive player of the year impression: 9 tackles, 2 forced fumbles, INT, sack. Hawk and Barnett were not non-existent. Clay Matthews continues to impress. B.J. Raji had a tackle! The O-line kept the sack count under 5, which is a slight improvement at least. The penalties were still awful, and inexcusable, but we can't expect to fix everything overnight. Special teams didn't kill us. Suddenly, I think they can be 7-4 after the Lions game. I love completely changing my outlook on the entire season based on the outcome of one game.

-UW held on 75-46 to beat a feisty Indiana University Purdue University at Fort Wayne Mastadon team. There were like 200 people at the Kohl Center. This game counted. IPFW is a real team.

-Someone should tell Bill Belichick that he isn't playing a game of Madden '10 in that hoodie. He is coaching a real NFL game. Seriously, I would lead towards punting in Madden. That was CRAZY.

Prince Can Hit the Ball Far

Is it strange to feel proud that Prince Fielder won the home run derby? Should I be as happy as I am being a Brewer fan? To be genuinely excited that he and Braun appear to like eachother as Braun was the first one to home plate (beating a bunch of shit head little kids) to do their little fake boxing match celebration? Does this mean that Prince would tell Scott Boras to get bent and take a small discount to stay in Milwaukee after his contract is up? A lot of unanswered questions that were spawned by a three hour long batting practice. Lets just hope Prince doesn't go Bobby Abreu a few years back and hit like 2 HRs after the break.

I'll probably watch most of the All-Star game tonight. Only because there isn't shit else to do, and summer TV is painful.

Nelson Cruz looked genuinely unhappy that Prince beat him. I heard last night that he is 29. Is that fucking true? Then I'm much less impressed with how far he can hit.

So You're Saying There's a Chance!?!

The Hebrew Hammer turned down a chance to hammer a bunch of random sluts on TV. It's probably much better to have been invited and turned down the chance to have America realize that baseball players aren't that bright (I have no actual knowledge of if he is bright or not). It shows you are a semi-celebrity, and aren't so full of yourself that you need to be on TV. Plus, he already has hoes in different area codes, so he probably doesn't need any desperate to marry him. He just has to deal with the ones poking holes in this condoms (assuming he actually uses such a thing). This story just made Susuan Sarandon do a silent fist pump.

Ryan Braun: Hebrew Hammer/Fashionista

Ummm....As much as I love Ryan Braun, which is about as much as I can love another male and not be gay, I don't see myself spending $119.00 on a ridiculous T-shirt with skulls and shit all over it that looks like gang graffiti. I don't really get it. But maybe I'm just not "California Couture". I guess if it is good enough for Braun (why is he lighting himself on fire?) and Method Man, it should be good enough for me. Maybe once this blog takes off....

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #15

Fuckin A! This picture pretty much says it all. I would also like to point out that Trevor Hoffman is fucking fun to watch when he plays for your team. He is really, really good. Oh, and fuck the Cubs.

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #12

The Brewers are on goddamn fire right now. Freaking Jeff Suppan was one bad pitch away from seven shutout innings. Other than Parra, the starting pitching has been pretty stellar. The bullpen has been basically unhittable since Hoffman showed up. Rickie Weeks is going to be the first player to hit .250 but bat .475 with RISP, and drive in 48 game winning RBIs. He is sort of the anti-Fielder right now (almost said Braun but my man-love for him runs too deep.). Speaking of Braun, did anyone see the ad for the win 12 tickets to Ryan Braun's private suite, with an appearance from Ryan Braun? The first thing that came to my mind was that he had the right to fuck anything that entered his "private suite". I probably need some help. Does anybody really have the feeling that this team isn't at least as good as last year?

I will be there on Saturday for my initial sojourn to Miller Park. Going to some tailgate thing with some of my wife's friends. $35 got us a ticket a T-shirt, beer, food, entry into a beer pong tournament and a bus ride from some bar to the game and back. I plan to be blacked out by the fourth inning.

It was a pretty great time for sports right around 9:30 last night. At that time, the Brewers were putting their comeback on in the 7th, and Chicago-Boston was going into OT number 3 in their American professional basketball playoff game. Since there was something going on the DVR, I couldn't utilize picture in picture, so I had to do old school switching back and forth. My finger was getting numb and I'm pretty sure my wife passed out from an epileptic seizure. That was a fucking fantastic basketball game. Very few NBA games do it for me, but that one did. Especially since Boston lost. I fucking hate Boston. It occurred to me as the game was happening how far off the radar the NBA really is in the Juice household. My wife is pretty literate about sports and she expressed surprise that Joakim Noah was playing, because nobody thought it would be good in the NBA. She asked me who was good on Chicago because she thought they sucked. And my response was: Derrick Rose, and umm..John Salmons. I'm not even sure I know who John Salmons is. I've heard of him because I play fantasy basketball and very casually follow the league. But if he walked into my office right now wearing a John Salmons jersey, I wouldn't have any clue who he was. Oh, and before she asked who the good players were, she saw Rose make a good play and said "Jalen Rose? He still plays?" So yeah, we don't watch much NBA. But it was a pretty cool hour last night.

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #8

That wasn't a very good game again last night. I left to get my haircut for like 15 minutes, and Parra had given up 4 already. It almost wasn't even worth watching. And of course, while the game was just about to get away, I flipped over to Cavs/Pistons and got sucked in watching LeBron for like 5 minutes, and I missed the Hammer's homer. At least Braun seems to have gotten his head out of his ass. I'll take 4-4 w/ 2HRs all day. R.J. Swindle's debut didn't go so hot. Sure, he struck out Ryan Howard for his first career strikeout, and he got hosed on a couple of bad calls at the plate in the Utley at-bat. But that wild pitch and subsequent wild toss over home plate that cost another run wasn't too good. Swindle however has cemented in my head that if the world is ever so unfortunate that I bring a son into this world, I will tie his right arm behind his back and tie a weight around his left wrist and force him to be a submarining lefty. Swindle throws SIXTY FIVE for fuck sake. And he struck out 7 on 28 pitches in his last AAA appearance.

The Brewers suck hairy balls this year so far. My level of worry is about 6 out of 10. (And I know it is only April 22).

Rise and FIIIIIRRRRRE!!!

For those who didn't see this yet, this is ridiculous. And for those who watched the "video" above and still didn't see it, because it is the worst quality video ever to hit the internet since Paris Hilton, I will describe it to you. The above scene comes after Creighton just got finished blowing a 22 point second half lead, and fell behind on a three with 7 seconds left, which was followed by a missed shot that was tipped out of bounds with 1.9 seconds left. What you see is Valley player of the year Booker Motherfuckin' Woodfox hitting the ugliest looking jumpshot on the planet. What you might not realize is that this is what his jumper always looks like, and he shoots 51% from beyond the arc. His shot is a mix between Shawn Marion and Bill Cartwright. On his free throws he lines up with his heels at the three point line, crouches down as far as he can, throws the ball towards the free throw line, takes one giant crouched step, catches, stands up straight legged, and hits about 80% from the line. And he's got a small flat top. And I found video!
I'm sort of in love with him. Not pictured: P'Allen Stinnett dunking with his off hand behind his head.

Of course, all I could muster was a silent Tiger Woods-like fist pump because I was watching ESPN's scoreboard update every thirty seconds because I'm a) too lazy to go to a bar to try to find the game, b) too cheap to upgrade my dish, c) too cheap to buy it on the internets.

I was pretty sure we were playing Bradley this afternoon, but I guess we are playing Illinois St. Whatever, I think we are in. We weren't even one of the "last four out" according to Joe Lunardi (whom isn't that great at what he does, but I'm too lazy for any other research while I should be "working").

Illegitimate Thoughts

-Weeks watch:
Weeks: 6/13, HR, 5RBI, BB, 0SB
Durham: 0/1

So far, not a really fair fight, since Weeks has been busy "achieving" at the major league level. He has been great this week though.

I am still cleaning up semen from CC's game last night. Easily the best stretch for a Brewer starter in my lifetime. Hopefully Benny can sweep the Cards tonight.

What if the Crew actually pulled off a trade for Houston Street? Not the greatest closer, but would dominate as a setup man. THEN maybe we could get rid of Mota.

-Orenthal James Simpson Football Association Update:

The following three guys were kept by the O.G. Team from Stoughton, WI: LDT, A-Peter, Carson Palmer. WOW. Are you fucking kidding me? Cobra, you are fucked in the ass when you play him.

Right now I would have to say that team and Bear's team are the odds on favorites.

I just bought a fantasy magazine and am in the process of putting together a master(bater) list.

Sabathia, Response on Jefferson and Art of Backing Up Home Plate

As I stated earlier Joe took the main topic of mine I wanted to hit on, which is the sheer awesomeness of everything that comes out of A-Rodg's mouth. The man crush is building. If he sucks, I think that would suck. And that is some deep shit right there. Now that I think about it, it has been like 15 years since I had to worry about the QB1 for the Packers sucking balls. This must be what it feels like to be a Bears fan. Stay tuned for more shit to bypass the non-existent filter that runs between A-Rodg's brain and mouth.

I am now going to blatantly lift two items that I read on JS Online today. One was even from Bear's best friend Hardicourt.

1) Hardicourt does a downright shitty job of re-reporting Buster Olney's opinion (which I can't actually find a link to the exact one) that the Brewers have the best chance of trading for Sabathia. Whether or not you agree with him (and Olney actually has legit sources to back up his opinions), Hardicourt's article was terrible. He basically just interviews the GM in the middle of trade season, GM predictably says nothing....and that's it. There is no information there at all.

Here is my take, and I don't have access to a major league GM: I don't see it happening. The Brewers obviously have the ammo to make it work (which Hardicourt does mention). I heard they had ELEVEN all-stars in AA, which is ridiculous. Problem is, I don't think they are convinced that they are set at the major league level quite yet, and are trying to decide who they will eventually pay and who is expendable. They would need to give up alot of guys to get Sabathia, who ultimately they probably couldn't afford to keep. With the overall financial situation they are faced with, it is doubtful they pull the trigger.

2) I can't find where I read this earlier, but Richard Jefferson was rated by somebody as the 13th best small forward in the NBA. Which isn't really that great.

3) I also read that Joe Alexander's nickname is "Vanilla Sky" because of his 30 inch standing vertical. Which is great.

4) Anyone stay up to see the abomination that was Dave Bush not really trying, and completely forgetting to back up a throw from RF to home that resulted directly in a run last night? Fucking fundamentals people. They teach you that shit in little league. He just fucking stood there and pouted when he gave up the hit.

I am torn on the 8:40 p.m start times. On one hand, you can cut the lawn after work or some shit, and not miss the game. On the other hand, you have to stay up way past my bedtime.

Rickie Weeks is out with a "stomach virus" tonight. Or as some shitty NFL announcer might say "He's out with a Dom P." "Stomach virus". Baseball players don't fucking get stomach viruses, they get deadly hangovers.

A-Rog Quote of the Day

"It's all good stuff. It's better than maybe a different story. It's all positive stuff, except for the wedding stuff. They're trying to kill my game in Green Bay, I think."

In response to the Green Bay media erroneously reporting that he got married over the weekend. Fucking love this guy.

Rodgers on NFL Network

Happened to come upon an interview between Aaron Rodgers and Rich Eisen on NFL All Access last night. It was mostly boring, Rodgers droning on, saying all the right things, etc. Then, out of the blue, Eisen asks: "Is that a mullet you have?" Rodgers reply: "Not yet." Love that answer more than anything. Not yet. Meaning that he will at some point have one. This is a great development, I think.

Later, Eisen questioned him on how that wasn't a mullet, and Rodgers explained to him the intricacies of "business in the front, party in the back". Eisen says: "Looks like you got the party in the back part down." Rodgers replies: "I got all kinds of party back there."

The more I hear Rodgers talk about hairstyles and mustaches, the more I love the guy. He is my second favorite person on a sports team right now besides Ryan Braun.

NOTE: I couldn't find a good Rodgers hair picture without Favre in it (and he is dead I hear).

The Hebrew Hammer

8 yrs, 45 million. Worth every penny. He will be underpaid by the end of this thing. Welcome to 8 years of contending. Great news.

(Ed. Note: This is a quote from Attanasio that appeared in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel this morning: In a year in which teams are locking up young players with long-term contracts nearly every week, Attanasio reported no progress on talks with leftfielder Ryan Braun and first baseman Prince Fielder. But he said the team hasn't given up, either. Liar, Liar.)

The Morning Dump Vol. 2

- The Brewers appear to be firmly out of their slump. They hammered the Cards' ace last night (with the help of a timely error).

-My torrid, non-sexual, love affair with Ryan Braun is officially heating up again. 4HRs in 6 ABs will do that to a guy. I have as many feelings as one man can legally have for another in the state of Wisconsin. ETA on when I have a Ryan Braun jersey is under 30 days.

-Oh, and forget what I had to say about Mitchy Stetter in any sort of closer role (21 pitches, 16 balls, will do that to a guy).

-The Brewers had FOUR people in their starting lineup with a BA under the Mendoza line. Weeks (.188), Hall (.199), Cameron (.180) and Bush. That is pretty unacceptable for a major league team in mid-May. NO thought on Yost's part to at least shuffle the lineup a little, or to give Gwynn more starts.

-Starting a new feature here, the daily Weeks update where I write down Weeks line last night and then I point and laugh, and then throw something across the room. Last night: 0 for 4, saw 11 TOTAL PITCHES, GIDP, 0 BB, 0 HBP (solid effort). Season: .188, 5HR, 13RBI, .654 OPS (on base plus slugging percentage, .750 is considered average for all players, .650 is considered poor, a good leadoff man is usually above .750).

-A little confused on how Mota got a save last night. I think the way it works is if the number of guys on base + the man at bat + number of outs left= the # of runs you are up you get a save. Mota came in with bases loaded with two outs, up by five. Either way, I guess that makes "The Committee" 2-0, and Gagne 10-7. Gagne sucked again last night by the way.

-That dunk by LeBron in the 4th last night was spectacular.

-Asdrubal Cabrera's unassisted triple play was the 14th in MLB history, which is insane.

-Friday afternoon I am leaving to go to Syttende Mai in Stoughton, WI, which I guess is Norwegian independence day or some shit. Playing in the annual golf tournament which is called Shit-In-My-Eye which a bunch of college buddies. The tournament usually involves carts tipping over and at least one person being hit with a golf ball. Inevitably, I get black out drunk and puke. This year will be the wife's inaugural (and probably last) appearance.

CP3 Keeps Me Up at Night

I had the rare opportunity to watch nearly two full NBA playoff games last night. Something that I usually don't have the time or inclination (mostly the latter) to do. The Magic-Pistons game was an accident, but I purposely stayed up past my bedtime to watch the Spurs-Hornets. Chris Paul is a freak. I can't even imagine how fun the Bucks would be to watch if we had him instead of Bogut right now (/smashing my head into a wall). Last night he had 30 points, 12 assists and 1 TO against one of the best defensive teams in the NBA. He generally made the Spurs look foolish. The best way I can describe his play if you haven't watched him, is that he looks like one of the point guards on the original NBA Jam when you use the turbo button and fly past the other guys on the court like they are standing still. He is absolutely playing a different game than everyone else. Really, really fun to watch.