Does Aaron Rodgers Shit in the Woods?

From the desk of @jon_g_gonzalez :

I made a cameo appearance on this blog a couple weeks ago. I came in with no self-introduction, had a glass of Archie’s scotch and a beer, and then disappeared for a couple weeks. For that I’m sorry. The three paragraphs that follow will hopefully allow the readers to get to know me a little better. If you don’t care, or if you just clicked the link to find out whether Aaron Rodgers shits in the woods, feel free to skip the rest of this column and read the last three paragraphs.

I grew up in Southern California and attended the University of California at Santa Barbara in the late 1990’s to early 2000’s. At UCSB we stared at the pacific ocean from class windows, partied on the beach day and night, and had hands down the United States’ hottest female college students. The one negative was no major college sports except a random Big West title/cameo NCAA appearance every 8 or 9 years. Nonetheless, UCSB made me who I am, and if you keep reading my columns you’re going to get to know a lot of my friends from college and hear a LOT of fraternity stories. Consider yourself forewarned.

After UCSB I went to Marquette for law school, which would be boring except for the fact that Wisconsin is, to put it mildly, awesome (column on this for my so-cal readers forthcoming.) I also met my wife there (who just so happened to grow up with the other two guys who write for this site.)

While living in Wisconsin I started speedballing a Green Bay Packers and Wisconsin Badgers addiction with my existing Los Angeles Dodgers and Los Angeles Lakers habits. As such, even though this is a Wisconsin-centric blog, you’ll probably hear my rants on my other teams as well.

As an aside, (and to mitigate any potential copyright damages I may incur), ESPN’s “the Sports Guy” Bill Simmons style has heavily influenced my writing style. Recently, an ancestry.com search revealed that Simmons is my evil older half brother (he doesn’t know this yet, and will likely put a temporary restraining order on me when he reads this.) I use a lot of analogies and popular culture references, and when possible will include visual links for the A.D.D. audience.

On to the actual topic of this article for Bear, Juicelaw, and the random drunk guy still reading this on his phone (and not knowing why) in a townie bar in River Falls, Wisconsin . . .

In my glory days at UCSB I spent a lot of time watching WWE wrestling on Monday nights. I was able to do this because Monday was the one night of the week where there wasn’t a scheduled drinking event. Hence, I was usually a little bored and would grab a case of beer and sit down and watch pro wrestling with my roommates (unless it was football season.)

WWE in those days was sort of like ballet for testosterone charged males, as 300 pound men were expressing themselves artistically in some sort of deranged, homoerotic way. Nevertheless, I always thought the cheesy monologues made the characters seem larger than life. My two favorite sports entertainers were “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.

By late 1997, Austin was the biggest thing Sports Entertainment had seen since Hulk Hogan. His beer-chugging redneck gimmick won the fans over and made him a star. In a lot of ways he was just like another star of the day, Brett Favre. Although Austin and Favre were wildly talented, they certainly had faults and limitations. For example, Austin wore a bulky knee brace that always caused him to be a step slow and make painful looking mistakes, and Favre was addicted to pain killers and made big mistakes while going for huge plays. However, Austin and Favre’s faults made each seem more human, and their legends grew.

Austin had a 3-year run as the unquestioned biggest star in the sport. Throughout that run, what people didn’t know about Austin was that his contemporaries thought of him as a real S.O.B. and glory-hog, which (along with debilitating injuries) contributed to his early exit from the sport. Sound familiar?

About a year after Austin burst on the scene, a young wrestler (and former University of Miami football player) going by the name “the Rock” started receiving a gradual push toward stardom. Initially, the Rock was hated by the fans, as his character was a brash, trash-talking “heel.” However, towards the end of Austin’s career, the Rock was the better performer and was not just touted as a “face,” but became THE face of the WWE.

We all know the story behind the Packers drafting and eventually turning the team over to Rodgers. However, this morning I thought about how much the Rock’s early career paralleled that of Rodgers’ 10 years later, as both were young, brash, talented, and performed with chips on their shoulders.

What is interesting about the Rock’s WWE career and Rodgers’ NFL career is that although the public knew both guys were very good at their respective trades, it took Stone Cold’s absence for The Rock to be accepted as WWE’s biggest star, and Favre’s season from hell in Minnesota for Wisconsin fans to collectively accept Aaron Rodgers as the next big thing.

By now you’ve heard that Favre filed his retirement papers on Monday morning. Although he’s done this before, this time I believe he’s gone. If I believed Favre were a good person, I’d argue that he “passed the torch” just two days after watching Rodgers surgical strike against Atlanta Saturday night. Alas, we all know Favre is all about Favre, so there was likely a deadline in getting this done so he could start receiving severance checks.

Nevertheless, I argue that Rodgers cemented his gradual “face turn” Saturday night, much like the Rock did in 2001. Rodgers is too good right now not to get recognized by the general public. In fact, he was getting so much positive press that Cutler nut-hugger Mike Florio had to attempt a character assassination on him. Think about that, a guy wrote a story without even bothering to check his facts because he was afraid Rodgers was getting too much positive press. He may as well have hit Rodgers in the head with a steel chair. Only the biggest superstars have media heels trying to sabotage their stardom. Rodgers time has arrived. Need evidence?

Take a moment to digest these numbers from the biggest game of Rodgers career to date:
31 for 36, 366 passing yards, 3 passing TD, no interceptions, 1 rushing touchdown, and the Packers dismantle Atlanta in the Georgia Dome 48-21.

Staggering, and this isn’t the first time he’s lit up the scoreboard with these sorts of statistics while leading the Packers to victory. In fact, he’s been doing it a lot. But if Saturday night wasn’t a guy saying to the world, “I’m the best quarterback in the NFL,” I don’t know what is. Truly remarkable.

I’ve been a Rodgers fan since his days at Cal. I was also a Rock fan from his early days. However, both guys struggled for acceptance in the beginning, and both had an ultra-popular superstar seemingly blocking their path to greatness and public acceptance. Only after Austin was gone could we truly appreciate how talented the Rock was. Similarly, only after the specter of Favre has lifted can we appreciate the greatness Packer fans get to watch on a weekly basis.

A conversation I had with my father-in-law Al Treml finally convinced me that Rodgers has silenced his harshest critics. Al is without a doubt the greatest and happiest guy I’ve ever met, but when it comes to the packers we’ve never seen eye-to-eye.
All sports fans have flaws in their fanhood, it’s the nature of something as inherently subjective as sports viewership. Al’s biggest flaw is that he was overly attached to Favre and was never willing to let it go. This flaw is present in a substantial portion of the Packers fan base still clamoring for Bart Starr to make his triumphant return under center at age 77.

When I called Al Sunday morning, as I usually do the day after a big Packer win, I was shocked by what he had to say. Al not only told me Rodgers had a great game, he told me that he’d never seen any Packer quarterback play a game like Saturday’s. It gave me chills to hear it . . .

Rodgers’ face turn was complete, as he was loved by the staunchest of Favre supporters. My perception of the Packer fan base’s view of Rodgers was verified by the lack of negative posts about Rodgers on ESPN message boards and the gushing tweets flowing from Packer fans across the country lauding Rodgers great performance. Best of all, I barely read Favre’s name at all. There is a new king.

If you’ve made it this far you’re probably wondering why I titled this article “Does Aaron Rodgers Shit in the Woods?” The answer to this question is the same one Florio should’ve written when he decided to write a blog post inferring that Rodgers was unsympathetic to an elderly Packer fan with cancer... “I don’t know.” I’m still fuming over the fact that a guy who holds himself out as a lawyer would whore himself out by spewing some garbage about Rodgers without taking the time to check any of the facts.

If I told you Aaron Rodgers shits in the woods I’d be doing the same thing Florio did. Maybe Rodgers takes dumps in public, if he does, that’s pretty disgusting, but since I don’t know, don’t care, and whether he does or doesn’t has no applicability to his ability to win games for the Packers, I’m not going to report on it.

I do have evidence that Bears shit in the woods. I also have evidence that Aaron Rodgers is a pretty amazing quarterback. That said, my prediction is that Rodgers dissects the Bears cover 2, Matthews has a field day with the Bears “shitty” offensive line, and the Packers pull out a tough win on the road. Let’s say 21-17. The win Sunday will further cement Rodgers status as Wisconsin’s fan-favorite, and will allow him to take the Packers where Favre most recently failed... the Super Bowl. Maybe he’ll even use “the People’s elbow” as his new celebration.

GO PACK GO

Playoff Overtime!!!

From the desk of @jon_g_gonzalez

I was sent this article from a dear friend of the blog, Mr. Gonzalez. Why does not have an account to post on this blog is beyond me, because that would be a lot easier than me forgetting to copy paste this word document for 2 days. So without any proof reading or editing, I give you, Le Overtime.

“We want the ball and we’re gonna score.”

It’s been seven years since those words were made famous by Matt Hasselbeck after the overtime coin-toss during a 2004 wild card game against the Packers. They remain significant, as this weekend as the Packers head to Philadelphia to play in a wild card game in the first season under the new overtime rules.

For those that have forgotten, beginning with the 2010 season, playoff games that go to overtime are no longer played under a strict sudden-death format. Instead, the team receiving the ball after the coin toss can only win on its first possession if it scores a touchdown.

A field goal does not end the game, as the scoring team kicks off to its opponent. If the opponent is held scoreless on its possession, the game is over. However, if the opponent scores a touchdown it wins the game. Even more complicated, if the opponent scores a field goal, the game goes to a 15-minute sudden death period.

Although the Packers won that 2004 game against the Seahawks on an interception returned for a touchdown by Al Harris, just one week later, “4th and 26” was forever burned into the minds of Packer fans when “he who shall not be named” turned the ball over late in the game and the defense allowed the great Freddie Mitchell make one of exactly one big plays in his illustrious career.

Unfortunately, neither of these games illustrate how the new rule operates. Under the 2010 rule the “we’re gonna score” game ends just as it did, with Al Harris mobbed by a group of teammates. Likewise, because “he who shall not be named” threw his twenty-second key playoff interception in the “4th and 26” game after the Packers won the coin toss, a field goal was all the Eagles would have needed to send the Packers home losers under the current rules.

The 2003 and 2009 seasons remind us that overtime games do happen in the playoffs, and that reality quite frankly scares the living shit out of me. In 2003/2004, the Packers were coached my Mike Sherman, who nobody would mistake for a MENSA candidate. Two years later, Sherman was replaced by Mike McCarthy, who has a list of coaching blunders longer than my drink tab on a bender in Vegas.

I was fortunate enough to be sitting five rows off the field last January when Karlos Dansby flapped his wings in front of me and I had to run for cover to get out of University of Phoenix stadium. Although you can’t put that one on McCarthy, the Packers record in overtime playoff games under his regime is worse than Sherman’s. Quite frankly, I have less than zero confidence that MM has the ability to comprehend the new overtime strategy, much less properly execute when faced with a decision.
The only saving grace is that Andy Reid is just about as inept as McCarthy when it comes to inexplicable coaching blunders. Combine that history of ineptitude with the fact that McCarthy and Reid have ZERO history to work with seems like a recipe for disaster. Let’s just hope Reid’s blunder outweighs MM’s.

In an effort to avoid watching another overtime debacle I’ve decided to provide an (oversimplified) easy reference guide to 2010 Packers overtime strategy. Hopefully McCarthy reads it before Sunday:

1) If Matt Hasselbeck taught us anything in the 2003 season, take the ball and score. By this I mean there is no circumstance under which a team should defer, even though holding an opponent to a field goal lets you know what you need. The threat of the game ending on a long (cough, DeSean Jackson) score is simply too great.

2) Don’t kick it onside at the beginning of overtime if you lose the toss. I understand that the Packers special teams are so bad that kicking off to begin overtime could bring a big return (or worse). However, giving a team a short field in overtime in the playoffs isn’t ballsy, it’s stupid.

3) If you get to 4th and 1 on a questionable field goal distance (48-52 yards) on your first possession, go for the points. Giving up field position with a questionable (at best) run game is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. Also please don’t try a deep ball on 4th down in overtime. It already cost us one game.

4) If you lose the toss, go ahead and try a repeat of the Dan Connolly play. I mean, two 320 pound linemen can’t return a kick 72 yards can they?

5) Finally, if you win the toss, run your whole offense and do not play for a field goal. Unlike years past, it should be SETTLING for a field goal while trying like hell to score a touchdown. Remember, under this format, a defense holding a team to a field goal has won the matchup.

If this game comes down to overtime it is gonna be fun. I’ve now convinced myself that I need to get as drunk during this game as I was last week, if not more.