Can't You Smell That Smell?

Oooohh that smell...Can't you smell that smell? Ooooh that smell. The smell of death surrounds yooooou!-- Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Actually, that smell is burning human flesh. Because Trevor Hoffman exited the bullpen on consecutive days and did his best gas can routine. And burned down Miller Park twice. Either that or it is Hoffman's rotting carcass. Either way.

I'm in full on panic mode. Am I overreacting? I dunno. Did I overreact to Gagne a few years back? How about Turnbow? I have a sneaking suspicion he is done.

Could he turn it around? Sure. I would be willing to bet he has gone through stretches like this before, in his 73 year career. But he wasn't 163 years old when he went through them. Sometimes, you just can't do it anymore.

The solution? I think we start with giving him "some time off" away from the closer role, to see if he can get anyone out in the 6th or 7th. If he can, then I have no problem putting him back in the 9th. But at this point, he may have already cost us a playoff spot (assuming we periodically don't just forget to hit, and assuming Soup doesn't magically "earn" his spot back). Give someone else a shot.

The reality? Macha will not let anyone else close unless Melvin puts Hoffman on the DL with some type of mysterious ailment. Macha is extremely old school, and treats veterans with WAY too much respect at times. I just can't fathom how much worse it can get. I mean, say what you want about Turnbow, at least he had a high 90s fastball (although he rarely got it over the plate). Hoffman hardly even throws his change, and when he does it is not a strike. Then he grooves a 82 mph fastball over the middle of the plate, and it lands 450 feet away.

Just not happy at all.

Brew Crew Hangover 4/10

So I got my first real taste of the 2010 Crew. And I have to admit that I was fairly satisfied. I didn't have any obvious beef with anyone in the lineup last night. Everyone did something good. Not everyone produced results (see Greg Zaun smoking two balls that were right at people), but all in all, a pretty good performance other than the end result.

I'm chalking up last night's loss to being unlucky. It really is pretty hard to point to one play that cost the Brewers that game. I suppose McGehee's bobble of a double play ball cost them a run, but he also possibly saved a run with a diving stab earlier.

The unluckiness brings us to Trevor time. He isn't going to be perfect all year. There are going to be games where he bounces a pitch halfway to home plate and something called Nick Stavinoha (sp?) is going to close his eyes and golf one over the left field wall ala Vlad Guerrero(h/t to my brother for the Vlad reference). It sucks but it happens.

So I actually came away with more optimism than negativity last night, which is unusual for me. With all that said, if Hoffman continues to get knocked around, I'm going to be a little worried. I'm not sure I'm confident in LaTroy Hawkins to close games if need be (although he was pretty clutch last night).

One last thing. Any idea why Ryan Braun was wearing a mouth guard? Is he trying to protect his investment (his pearly whites) because he grinds them? Is he going to market them? I don't' believe I've ever seen that before. What are the chances of you getting hit in the face and losing your teeth? I did actually see it once in high school, but I can't imagine the chances are very good. But I digress.

Today is another day. Go Brewers.

Hells Bells is back

So the Brewers have signed Hoffman to a 1 year, 8 million dollar contract as of today. Considering Hoffman made 6 million last year and god knows what kind of prospects would be out there for potential closers, I'd say this is a pretty solid deal. Hopefully we get something worked out in our bullpen as a more permanent replacement over the next two off seasons, until then, let's rock out to AC/DC for one more year I guess.

Oh snap! And there's a mutual option for 2011, didn't read that the first time I guess, doesn't change much either way, maybe 3 off seasons now to find a suitable young closer!

Best Post in the World (Tribute)

Believe it or not, I had the best post in the world written, and fucking Blogger malfunctioned and I lost all of it. And I can't remember what that post said, so this is the Best Post in the World Tribute. The funny thing about it is that the Best Post in the World doesn't actually read anything like this post.

So my back is getting sore again from carrying this blog. We have FIVE fucking writers and we can't get ONE post out of anyone but me? Really? SportsBottle: put down that night stick covered in the blood of innocent minorities and write something, Twinkie: put down that dude's nutsack and write something, Bear: put down that cigarette and write something, LoafCobra: come back from the dead and write something.

BREW CREW HANGOVER:

I think my brother was right in saying that Hoffman was merely bored with perfection, and wanted to pitch under some pressure to make sure he was alive and not a cyborg sent here to destroy the earth.

Big ups to Kendall on that throw to third on the bunt. That was skilled.

I will now bitch about Billy Hall. I'm growing tired of his: "I was really good once, you should let me bat against right handers even though I hit .195 against them for the past two seasons." Ned Yost, errrrr.... Ken Macha is lucky that this "trust" in Hall only potentially cost us one game and not two. Gamel has to play against right handers, and should be given the opportunity against left handers. He allegedly had about the same average in the minors against both. Gamel is the future, Hall is the flash in the pan robber of salary.

Should be a fun weekend series in that cesspool, piece of shit, rotting, festering corspse, cesspool of pus filled, pandemic fostering, cooze known as the Metrodome. The Twinks won 20-1 yesterday, but then I heard that they were like 4 games under .500. Twinks are going to have a harder time withe Crew because we can do that thing called "Pitching". They don't really do much of that in the AL, and I've heard it is an important part of winning games. Also, the Crew can hit the shit out of the ball, and the Twinks are going to be throwing out two left handers, which is a bad idea because "Braun DESTROYS left handed pitching." If you don't get that reference then you haven't watched many Brewer telecasts this year. (P.S. "I'm not sure where that one missed." and "You know J.J. is seeing the ball really well when he drives one to the opposite field. It's just a shame it was right to a guy, or that would've gone for extra bases."). My prediction is Braun hits a rocket through the roof, which then collapses and kills a bunch of useless Loonies. Oh, that thanks go out to Richard/Bear/Twinkie for inviting me out for a game, you fucking pricks.

I will be stealing a literary device on one of these games tonight or Saturday.

OTHER

The NBA conference finals have been bananas. All three games have been epic, and I've been lucky enough to catch the end of all of them. Probably will do the same this weekend.

Finally watched the "Lost" season finale. I'm now dumber. I have no fucking clue what is happening. How are they possibly going to wrap this up????

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #11

THAT was cool as shit. I never expected to get goose bumps from a relief pitcher coming in during a 10-5 game, but that is some bad ass shit to come out to a song as cool as Hells Bells. What is odd about it is that you would expect him to come out firing 98 mph fastballs instead of 78 mph changeups. That is about all I got, except that Yost would've made Looper throw one at LaRoche's head immediately following Braun getting beaned, and we would've lost that game because McClung and Villanueva are unreliable at best. So chalk up a +1 to Macha for keeping his cool. And Pirates better watch their fucking backs today, because I have a feeling one might "accidentally" get away from Bush in the first inning.

Jagz, Pacman, Nolan and Hells Bells

I would be remiss if I didn't discuss a few ridiculous stories that are peculating today.

1) Jeff Jagodzinski getting shit canned at B.C. I'm going to go ahead and ask why everyone is making such a big deal out of this. A few things are obviously true: 1) Jagz knew that he would be fired if he interviewed with the Jets, 2) He did it anyway, 3) He was fired. Everything else is sort of irrelevant. I have heard that he had a clause in his contract stating this very fact. Whether he did or not, this is how the real world works, even though D-I college athletics is about as far from the real world as there is. If I went to interview for another job and my boss found out, I would expect to be a)fired or b) have my boss make my life so miserable that I would quit. I don't fault Jagz for trying to get a better job. Its America. I'm quite certain about 90% of people with jobs are looking for new ones. But to freak out on the employer for firing them is stupid. Admittedly the situation is not really a normal one with a college coach given the regular turnover, but if BC wanted a coach to stay in it for the long haul, they had every right to let him go.

2) Pacman got cut. Good for the Cowboys. What killed me about the story is that I was watching SportsCenter last night when the story broke, and ESPN essentially took credit for being the straw that broke the camel's back. This "new information" regarding the hit that he allegedly ordered in 2007 that was somehow unknown to anyone previously, was going to be reported by ESPN on "Outside the Lines" on Sunday. According to SportsCenter, Jerry Jones first heard of it when ESPN called to ask for a comment and "coincidentally" they cut Pacman like an hour later. Funny how ESPN is willing to take credit for shit like this, that probably didn't have any effect on Jones's decision (I mean really? One tie to an attempted murder was OK, but TWO? Two is where the Cowboys draw the line.), yet when they totally fuck up they refuse to take any blame (No examples to cite).

3) I fully support the hiring of Mike Nolan for D-coordinator. By all accounts he is a spectacular coordinator. Plus he is a snazzy dresser. It isn't official yet, so I'm guessing the rumors/positive reaction is going to be enough to convince Thompson not to hire him. Plus it seems way to high profile for the Pack. But if he gets it, I think he can figure out what the team is really capable of doing, and he won't cram a 3-4 down our throats with a bunch of guys that can't play it. Maybe we could run a 2-1-8?

4)Just got word that the Brewers signed 137 year old Trevor Hoffman and his 48 mph change up. That is a BIG signing. He is the most reliable closer we have had since Coco, and probably Dan Pleasac before that. Now if he could only start 30+ games too, we would be set to go. He has the best entrance music since Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn.