Sunday, November 9, 2008

Packer Parties

So I'm heading off to a "Packer party" in about an hour. A "Packer party" is where a bunch of people go to someones house and watch a Packer game. No sex is involved. Usually a small amount of beer is consumed. Everyone typically runs out of the house as soon as the clock hits :00. (Unless it is a rare Saturday playoff game or something). I hate Packer parties generally. The only time these things are acceptable for me is if it is a preseason game, it is some type of holiday (i.e. Thanksgiving), or the Packers are like 2-12. The only redeeming quality that these parties tend to have is a shitload of food. I hate them because people like to invite me because they know I am a Packer fan, and feel that I will enjoy them. But these people don't have a true understanding of what a psycho freak I am. The only one that truly understands outside of a select few friends, is my wife. She has learned to tolerate my incoherent screams and throwing of objects. We have an understanding that I have Packer party veto power. I am allowed to reject the idea if I'm pretty sure that my emotions won't be able to be controlled. For instance, we were invited to at least 3 of them for the NFC championship game last year. I couldn't do it. I probably didn't sleep for the entire week before hand. I was showing signs of physical stress by Sunday (upset stomach, incessant leg tapping, etc.). It's a good thing I didn't go to any parties on that day. Not only would I have embarrassed my wife irreparably, I doubt very much I could have operated a motor vehicle safely. I distinctly remember when He threw his final back breaking interception as a Packer, jumping off the couch about three feet into the air, twisting, and landing with my knees on the ground and my face in the seat of the couch, all while letting out a primal scream. I'm guessing most can't comprehend what I went through, and I might have been divorced if I had done it in front of her family or something.

Today, this party in particular is at one of my sister-in law's houses. My wife's family acts like they enjoy watching the game with me because of how "into it" I get. The problem I'm beginning to have, is that we have three nieces and nephews that are under the age of 3. And all will be at the "party". They also have a large number of toys and shit that make alot of noise. I already can predict what will happen. The game will be on, when the kids aren't crying, they will be planted right in front of the fuckin non-HD TV, making shitloads of noise and be generally distracting. The kids' parents will be making it a point to make sure everyone sees how cute they are being. The volume on the TV will be far below the deafening level I usually keep it at in the privacy of my home. Basically, I will be viewing at about a 60% capacity. On top of that, I will get yelled at if I scream. Inevitably, it will be nap time at some point at a crucial fourth quarter moment, and I will get warned again to keep it down. I like my wife's family, but there are only about 10 people on earth I can watch a Packer-Viking game with, and none of them are on the list. Basically, today is going to suck, and if I complain I will get yelled at. Fuck.


Ricky said...

Top 5 post of all time David, good work. I too went to a Packer Party today. About half Packer fans and half I dont give shit about football fans. I dont give a shit fans are twice as annoying as real fans. I made sure to get to the party 30 minutes before gametime so I could plant my ass in front of the TV and only move for bathroom breaks. Every other party goer ran around yelling and drinking beer and stopped by every now and then to see how the game was going. Most people thought I would not show because they know that I actually like to watch the game, not drink beer and run around half paying attention. I believe this will be my last Packer party this year. I feel your pain David. Unless I am at Lambeau, there is no better place to watch a game than the comfort of my own home. McCarthy officially pissed me off today and got outcoached by fucking Childress. WHO SETTLES FOR A 52 YARD FIELD GOAL, SERIOUSLY! Also the worst challenge of all time. Was he drunk today?

Bear said...

That was a terrible challenge, I can barely stand to go to a bar to watch a packers game when they are blacked out up here where I'm stuck with twin cities local TV, there have only been a few packer "parties" I've ever gone to and mostly that was just a group of very intense people getting super drunk while bitching at the TV.

Case in point, last week's Titans game was blacked out so I was at the bar watching it with a buddy. When Bironas missed the field goal at the end of regulation the entire bar started yelling and screaming, the bartenders turned on music as loud as they could and everyone just ran around like fucking morons. I looked at my buddy and said, they do realize it's still tied and we have to play OT yet right?

stephencolbert said...

There is a rule at my place that if the game is within one possession that I am not allowed to be near or holding the remote. Because of things in years past when He would throw a TAINT or an opposing WR would run unchecked for a 40yrd gain on 3rd and 39.