Whoa.

This morning I had a post planned out in my mind based on my work at a beer stand last night. Then I open up my laptop to find that The Vest has resigned amid the shitstorm at Ohio State. It isn't that often that anything makes you stop and say "Whoa." in sports anymore. But the resignation of one of the most famous football coaches at one of the biggest universities in the country will make you do that. My sincerest hope is that a whole bunch of players go down with him and that Ohio St needs a year or two to reload. Because Buckeyes are terrible human beings. That is all.

What I was going to post about today is how people are assholes. This shouldn't come as much of a surprise. If you've dealt with anything resembling a human in your lifetime, you will realize that people are assholes. Also, they are fucking cheap. I never considered myself a big spender. In the grand scheme of things, I would probably say that I lean towards being cheap because that is how I was brought up. However, after last night, my eyes have been open to cheap, inconsiderate assholes, and I have gained a greater appreciation for bartenders.

Last night I bartended at a festival in the city I live in. I was doing it for charity. I didn't get paid (other than I got a little free food and all the beer I wanted to drink. And I was too busy to drink much). All tips went to charity. My wife and I both donated six hours of time on a beautiful holiday weekend to help raise some money. And we were BUSY. Really running our asses off all night. When I say "bartend", I mean I opened cans of beer, and poured tap beer. I wasn't making mixers or anything. So anyway, when I order a drink at a bar. Whether that is at a festival or a bar, I tip. I had assumed this was a normal response. If my beer is $3.50, and I give a $5, I will usually leave the change as a tip. At the very least I would leave a $1 every time I order a drink. I had assumed that was common courtesy. But I guess not. I am willing to bet that I probably served 500 or so beers myself last night. I bet 10 people tipped. Fucking ridiculous. Just mind-boggling to me. I suppose this means that these people are like this everywhere, and that myself and my ilk are generally speaking, "big tippers". Anyway, people are cheap dicks.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that despite the large garbage barrels, which were emptied about every 10 minutes. I had to don rubber gloves and pick up thousands of empty beer cans because the people that didn't tip couldn't be troubled to throw away their own fucking garbage.

As for my new found respect for bartenders. People are impatient dicks. It is impossible to know as a bartender to know who was "there first" when there is hundreds of people waving cash at you for five straight hours. I'm not going to give bartenders attitude any more. I'm not going to be that bitch that says "Um, Hellllloooooo!!! Is nobody serving this line or what????" My response? "I don't see any lines lady, I will get to you in a minute." Then I purposely go to someone else next. Did I mention I got almost no tips?

MOVIE REVIEWS FOR MOVIES YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY SEEN

"The Fighter": Pretty awesome. I don't think Mark Wahlberg has been in a bad movie. If Christian Bale has, I can't recall that either. Definitely should see it if you haven't. Also, no boxing movie has ever sucked.

"No Strings Attached": A chickflick special! As chick flicks go, it could've been worse. The premise is stupid, but there were moments that made me chuckle. I don't hate Ashton Kutcher even though I probably should. And Queen Amidala is in it. If your wife/girlfriend is going to force you to watch a shitty movie, you could do worse.

DRINK OF THE WEEKEND

Large plastic cups filled with Bicardi Limon and Sprite.

ANTI-DRINK OF THE WEEKEND

MGD 64 Lemonade. Fucking terrible.

Target Field Recap

Let me go ahead and get the game/Brewer/Target Field experience out of the way before I get to the stuff everyone really probably wants to read. The seats we had were insane. I've never had seats that good to a baseball game before, and probably never will again. It really does make a difference where you are when you watch the game. When you can see facial expressions and the movement of pitches it makes a huge difference. I felt like I was at a Wisconsin Timber Rattlers game. Our seats were slightly to the left of home plate, about 15 rows up. So close that we routinely ducked when a pitch would get fouled back. It was amazing.

Target Field itself is very nice once you are in your seat. The concourses were extremely narrow, which doesn't make much sense for a brand new stadium. It didn't help that it was about 1000 degrees and I was so hung over I wanted to die, but they were really crowded. The food options were probably a little better than Miller Park, and I wasn't at all interested in beer so I can't give you much there. The area surrounding the stadium was the nicest I've seen by far. Overall, not as fancy as Yankee Stadium, but more functional, and not as large. And the concourses are way too tight. I still prefer the Miller Park experience, especially when you consider that there is no place to tailgate. It was surprisingly easy to park, and though traffic always seems to be mildly horrendous in the Twin Cities, getting out wasn't that bad. I would go back, if only to find that prick that told me to "Get the fuck out of my way!" because I was "going the wrong way down the steps". I was personally unaware there were designated lanes. But it is a new stadium so I could've missed the sign.

During the game, I pitched an inning and 2/3 because Macha felt the need to use every pitcher on his roster the night before to attempt to save his job. John Axford's mustache got the save, and he is now my favorite pitcher. Finally, because we were in good ass seats, we were about ten feet from Zach Braddock's mother and sister as they screamed during his major league debut and illegally recorded it on a camcorder like it was a little league game.

Oh, and Corey Hart hit the first homer into the third deck which had to have been about 475ft, but because it was a visiting player that hit it, the Twins estimated at 440 ft. PPS. I heard Fielder's fat when he got hit by that pitch in his first at bat.

OTHER THINGS

We got DRUNK. Like, my wife and I were both blacked out, stumbled around downtown Minneapolis somehow avoiding being shot, my wife broke her shoe and was walking around barefoot, we finally hailed a cab to get directions to the hotel, but my wife jumped in the backseat and refused to get out, so the cabdriver drove us a block and a half to the hotel, where we had no cash and my wife refused to get out of the cab, but the cab driver didn't want money but I felt the need to go to the ATM to give him $20 anyway, then we both puked and my wife woke up with Ricky's Brewer jersey (that he'd worn that night) and shorts on even though they were way too small on her, so she's totally going to be giving birth to his child in 9 months, and then she proceeded to vomit until about the 5th inning of the game, drunk. So we had some fun. I accidentally drank a "Premium" Grain Belt because a waitress fucked up my order, and the thought of it makes me want to puke again today. The game would've been alot more fun if it wasn't 1000 degrees and I wasn't hung over. Overall, I'm pretty sure downtown Minneapolis was awesome and we both cheated death again. Same time next year????

Now if you will excuse me, I have to spend day one of my vacation doing manual labor in 1000 degree temps.

The Office Toilet

I work in a small office. We have one toilet for the men in the office (four of us). Today I went to take my morning coffee dump, and I find dried piss and shit all over the seat. Is it really that fucking difficult to a) lift up the seat to piss and b) not shit directly on the seat? Have some fucking common courtesy. I shouldn't have to pull the old hover above the seat with my jacket slung over the stall door/public bathroom shitting move, while at work. Fucking frustrating.