I've been requested to give a recap of the only thing more boring than people talking about their fantasy football teams, and/or previewing fantasy football games: someone else's fantasy football draft.
But first, this quick aside. Madden '11. Vikings at Packers. 2nd quarter. He goes down with a torn PCL. Nice.
FRIDAY NIGHT
-Mark, my brother and I meet out at a bar for dinner. We eat, have a few beers. Mark needs to go to the grocery store. We end up deciding once in for all that we are making Ron Ron Juice. I'd like to jump in on myself here and point out that the three of us are 29, 26 and 29 years old respectively. And are not teenage girls. Ok, my brother and I both had vodka on the ready, so we needed the juice and fruit. We bought it. Went back to play Mark's arcade machine, drink Kul Lite (no umlaut available on Blogger). About 2 am I died.
SATURDAY
I went home to shower. While cleaning myself, Richard asked my wife out on a date for bloody mary's. Fucking prick. He gracefully invited me. We go to Stadium View at 10:00 am. Richard's car nearly gets towed because it is a game day. They were charging to park NINE HOURS before a PRESEASON GAME. And people were paying. And tailgating. This happens nowhere else on earth, I can promise you. We have a couple of drinks and head over for some drafting. Start pounding Horny Goat beer. It is good. Finally everyone arrives. We draft. Duper/Spensely managed to draft Ben Tate, who went out for the year that very evening. Which is funny as shit. Some other questionable picks were had, and the popular quote to take away was "Any time you can get a running back that splits carries with two other running backs, you probably need to draft him."
SATURDAY NIGHT
And now things get sketchy. It is decided after the draft that it is time for Ron Ron Juice. It was delicious. Then the Packers started. Well, the offense did anyway. Defense, not so much. I'm teetering on black out by like 8 pm., so what is the next step? You guessed it. Let's go to the bars. All I can really tell you about the bars is at some point we end up at either the gayest straight bar on earth, or the straightest gay bar. It had stripper poles, and it also had nothing but guys in it. Anyway, prior to this draft, my wife felt it would be a good idea to set up one of my friends with one of her friends. And when I tell you it was a disaster of epic proportions, I wouldn't be even close to adequately describing the carnage. In no particular order, the following occurred: guy having to be coaxed into talking to girl, girl ignoring him, awkward conversation (to put it mildly), completely random non-sensical rambling/slurred speech by guy, girl wearing a sombrero, guy grabbing a FULL (and unwanted) handful of girls ass, my wife apologizing to her friend, guy getting booted from the bar for reasons unknown (although being a drunken asshole is probably one of them), guy trying to come back and getting nearly thrown down the 29 steps by the bounce, guy leaving his hat at the bar which had a house key in it for some reason, even though he clearly had pants with pockets on, guy wandering around downtown Green Bay by himself and nobody really caring that much, 6 of us eventually hopping in a cab and leaving guy downtown with Schmock.
We then got back to Mark's. Bear used the blow up mattress in the living room as a trampoline. I broke my kneecap on Bear's head. I passed out, and am still sick. Fun!
Showing posts with label greatest fantasy player of all time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label greatest fantasy player of all time. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Today In Fantasy Baseball Meltdowns
This might be a little classless, but I figure nobody will find it so I'm going to replicate a post that just appeared on my fantasy baseball message board with the old guys. Mind you, there have been well over 100 posts already and it is still a month before the draft. The entrance fee is $25, which you won't get when you read this shit (you will assume it is a million). This was just too insane not to pass along to the sane. I have been stirring up shit with this guy, but everyone else is backing me, and the guy is PISSED. The message starts out with a copy/paste of the message he is replying to for some reason. Craig is the commissioner, Mark is the guy that is pissed. All sic'd. Enjoy:
Craig's Post 11:25 P.M. Feb. 18 "Not OK Hothead. Not in favor of altering the post season or regular season. I am in favor of Mark the Spin Doctor ceasing to be a wise ass, every time he posts. Would prefer our ever so righteous brother Mark to stop saying "in risk of being called a whiner". (see below as well and in several other posts) The risk is over....whiner. This is the post below that started it all. How are we to respond? But being pissed off that a guy is going to stop paying money when we all have compromised in the past. Regardless of the outcome and how strong your feelings, to not go with the majority is just being a straight up prick. Like Mike said in so may words, you are grandfathered into paying now. And if you are going to be this way, I will not change my stance on principal alone, so what you have is a standoff."
You know what, Craig, I'm a little sick of hypocrites like you spewing personal b.s. like I'm always a "wise ass" when I post and I'm a "prick" for not going with the so-called "majority". Why don't you f-ing take a look at all the f-ing WISE-ASS posts over the years by you and Al, and now the new king wise ass, Juice. And now Osterboy all of a sudden wants to start spewing garbage for some reason - maybe he's been getting too many of your posts in the past or something? Are you serious? What a joke. Posts by guys like you and Al (and now Juice and Oster) are exactly why Jones and Rob left - face the facts!!! You call what you guys post some type of compromise??? You just don't like my posts because I call bullshit and won't back off. You and Al act like you are the only guys in here that know anything about how fantasy baseball should be played, rules and all, and then when someone else pipes in that they don't agree with your logic, you act like they don't have a clue or you just ignore the issue (as you are doing by not addressing the VERY REAL problems with fantasy playoffs late in the season - you know its a problem, but you're a pig-headed commish who won't address it). Well, get over yourselves. And, for the record, here is what started this whole thing, the out of the blue "A VOTE" post by Mr. Commish on 2/16/10 at 10:51 a.m. WHEN ONLY 8 of 12 TEAMS WERE SIGNED UP and the only takes that had been given on the issue were by the aforementioned 4 "majority leaders" of this f-ing league: "Try to be precise in your answers so we can get some resolution on the issues below. DO WE FREEZE OUT NON PLAYOFF PARTICPANTS THAT ARE NOT ACTIVE IN THE TITLE CHASE? This would mean that all players that did not make the playoffs would be locked from acquiring free agents and waiver pickups, as well as teams that have lost within the 6 man playoffs. You would still be able to manage your currrent roster of players. HOW DO WE PAYOUT THE $300 THAT WILL BE COLLECTED? I think we are all in favor of the amount, which is $25. Any amount going to the consolation bracket seems to have been squashed at this point. Mike may be the lone supporter of this and maybe Al. So with the majority in favor of all money going to the winners bracket, please make suggestions on regular season/playoff payouts." So maybe next time when you want to make a colossal shift in how the league is going to be handled going forward, don't just have a huddle with you, Al, Juice and Oster and start dreaming up ways to change the league, and you won't see a post like mine on 2/17/10 (and recall that I first said there should be no vote until everyone is in the league and knows the issues, but you knuckleheads when ahead anyway, so I called bullshit). And now I'm a "prick" for not agreeing with your little rat pack - blow me. Feel free to email me your phone number if you want to talk about this crap in person and stop running your smack on the message board - perhaps then we could have a somewhat reasonable conversation about the issue, but I suspect I won't get that email. s/ The Whiner P.S. - And, on PRINCIPAL, I will not leave the league until you f-ing remove me, Mr. Commish, sir! Yes, what you have is a standoff.
AGAIN. HE IS BITCHING ABOUT A LEAGUE THAT COSTS $25 FUCKING DOLLARS. And there have been approximately 754,000 words written about it.
Craig's Post 11:25 P.M. Feb. 18 "Not OK Hothead. Not in favor of altering the post season or regular season. I am in favor of Mark the Spin Doctor ceasing to be a wise ass, every time he posts. Would prefer our ever so righteous brother Mark to stop saying "in risk of being called a whiner". (see below as well and in several other posts) The risk is over....whiner. This is the post below that started it all. How are we to respond? But being pissed off that a guy is going to stop paying money when we all have compromised in the past. Regardless of the outcome and how strong your feelings, to not go with the majority is just being a straight up prick. Like Mike said in so may words, you are grandfathered into paying now. And if you are going to be this way, I will not change my stance on principal alone, so what you have is a standoff."
You know what, Craig, I'm a little sick of hypocrites like you spewing personal b.s. like I'm always a "wise ass" when I post and I'm a "prick" for not going with the so-called "majority". Why don't you f-ing take a look at all the f-ing WISE-ASS posts over the years by you and Al, and now the new king wise ass, Juice. And now Osterboy all of a sudden wants to start spewing garbage for some reason - maybe he's been getting too many of your posts in the past or something? Are you serious? What a joke. Posts by guys like you and Al (and now Juice and Oster) are exactly why Jones and Rob left - face the facts!!! You call what you guys post some type of compromise??? You just don't like my posts because I call bullshit and won't back off. You and Al act like you are the only guys in here that know anything about how fantasy baseball should be played, rules and all, and then when someone else pipes in that they don't agree with your logic, you act like they don't have a clue or you just ignore the issue (as you are doing by not addressing the VERY REAL problems with fantasy playoffs late in the season - you know its a problem, but you're a pig-headed commish who won't address it). Well, get over yourselves. And, for the record, here is what started this whole thing, the out of the blue "A VOTE" post by Mr. Commish on 2/16/10 at 10:51 a.m. WHEN ONLY 8 of 12 TEAMS WERE SIGNED UP and the only takes that had been given on the issue were by the aforementioned 4 "majority leaders" of this f-ing league: "Try to be precise in your answers so we can get some resolution on the issues below. DO WE FREEZE OUT NON PLAYOFF PARTICPANTS THAT ARE NOT ACTIVE IN THE TITLE CHASE? This would mean that all players that did not make the playoffs would be locked from acquiring free agents and waiver pickups, as well as teams that have lost within the 6 man playoffs. You would still be able to manage your currrent roster of players. HOW DO WE PAYOUT THE $300 THAT WILL BE COLLECTED? I think we are all in favor of the amount, which is $25. Any amount going to the consolation bracket seems to have been squashed at this point. Mike may be the lone supporter of this and maybe Al. So with the majority in favor of all money going to the winners bracket, please make suggestions on regular season/playoff payouts." So maybe next time when you want to make a colossal shift in how the league is going to be handled going forward, don't just have a huddle with you, Al, Juice and Oster and start dreaming up ways to change the league, and you won't see a post like mine on 2/17/10 (and recall that I first said there should be no vote until everyone is in the league and knows the issues, but you knuckleheads when ahead anyway, so I called bullshit). And now I'm a "prick" for not agreeing with your little rat pack - blow me. Feel free to email me your phone number if you want to talk about this crap in person and stop running your smack on the message board - perhaps then we could have a somewhat reasonable conversation about the issue, but I suspect I won't get that email. s/ The Whiner P.S. - And, on PRINCIPAL, I will not leave the league until you f-ing remove me, Mr. Commish, sir! Yes, what you have is a standoff.
AGAIN. HE IS BITCHING ABOUT A LEAGUE THAT COSTS $25 FUCKING DOLLARS. And there have been approximately 754,000 words written about it.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Now Announcing!
Your 2009 OJSFA League Champion! The Jolly Pharmaceuticals! I will be the first to say this was long overdue, I deserved it because I've been consistently better than everyone else in this league for going on 4 years now and people like Brian Westbrook(2008) and Tom Brady(2007) have been fucking me in the playoffs way too much. I am the greatest champion this league has ever known and also the most humble. I respectfully and deservedly accept your praise and idle worship.
Thank you,
Jolly Pharmaceuticals
Thank you,
Jolly Pharmaceuticals
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