...That there MAY be a football game in town on Sunday. But maybe I thought of that in a blackout state in Vegas. I dunno.
I really don't want to bitch about the whole situation for the 7,432nd time, so I wanted to pull the rug out a little.
As sick and tired as I am with the media beating the He Who Shall Not Be Named storyline into the ground, I had an epiphany when NFL Network was showing "He Who Shall Not Be Named's Top 10 Moments in Green Bay". These highlights shouldn't piss me off. I can enjoy those highlights. Because you know what? As much as I currently hate that prick, all of those highlights occurred when he played for MY team. So those highlights belong to Packer fans, and not to Viqueen fans. And I don't feel one bit bad that he doesn't play for my team anymore, because we have a really, really good QB right now. This whole situation doesn't bother me because he isn't playing for us. It bothers me because he is playing for them. So when they are showing highlight reels of him in a Packer uniform, it is OK to enjoy them.
That being said, if He isn't rained with boos and bags of piss, I am going to be severely disappointed. I am sick of the national media telling me what a shame it would be if he doesn't get cheered. He PLAYS FOR THE OTHER FUCKING TEAM!!! Even the Lions get booed, and they are fucking terrible.
I mean, Ryan Longwell gets lustily booed for fuck sake, and he 1) never won three MVPs; 2) Never held us hostage for four years while deciding to retire every year; 3) he is are all-time leading scorer; 4) wasn't all that great; 5) Never even won a Super Bowl; 6) is a kicker. All Longwell ever really did to earn boos besides going to the Vikings was to say there wasn't anywhere to eat in Green Bay besides Applebee's, which is only like 10% wrong.
I have confidence in Packer fans. And it is going to be a fucking nuthouse on Sunday. Packers 21, Vikings 20.
Showing posts with label Benedict Longwell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Benedict Longwell. Show all posts
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The Saga Continues?
The following are a list of reasons why He Who Shall Not Be Named decided to stay retired:
1) Couldn't go through 16 games due to his shoulder.
2) Hated practice and training camp.
3) Was allergic to taintsucking Viqueen fans.
4) Was afraid of dudes that look like Mr. McGoo.
5) Was afraid of being raped by Jared Allen.
6) Was afraid that with all the restaurant choices that existed in the Twin Cities area (see Ryan Longwell), he would get lost and end up back on the Vicodin.
7) Was afraid of albinos. (see Darrell Bevell).
8) Didn't want to tarnish his Packer legacy.
9) Had a torrid three way with McCarthy and Thompson that resolved all of their differences.
10) Wanted to cash in on that marketing deal with the Pack.
11) Was secretly trying to undermine the Viqueens all along at the direction of the evil Ted Thompson as payback for the tampering last season.
12) Missed his family.
13) Loved his tractors. Alot. Like in a not normal way.
Reasons why he will come back in three weeks:
1) Got jealous of another quarterback, any quarterback, throwing a TD pass. I mean like he is driving by a Pop Warner field.
2) Tired of not leading SportsCenter every day.
3) Misses Rachel Nichols living in his rose bushes.
4) Gets tired of cutting the grass every motherfucking day.
5) Deanna wants ANOTHER $10,000 handbag.
6) Deanna wants a $50,000 watch.
7) Deanna wants a $200,000 ring
8) Deanna wants a $150,000 car
9) Deanna wants a $1.2 million dollar yacht
10) Deanna wants a new beach house
11) The kids need shoes
12) Just a good 'ol boy who likes to compete.
13) Bus Cook needs money.
14) Scott Favre needs money.
15) Bonita Favre needs money.
16) Didn't mean he was going to stay retired FOREVER. Never actually said that. Just meant yesterday he was staying retired. Boy, the media sure likes to infer things!
I've thought about this whole sordid tale. If he really did stay retired, I would be allowed to say his name sometime around next year's Super Bowl, about February 1, 2011. His number could be retired in 2014, no earlier. Assuming he doesn't come back. Now I will mention him only when he either inevitably decides to come back, or when discussing how fucking stupid, gullible and sad Viqueen fans are.
1) Couldn't go through 16 games due to his shoulder.
2) Hated practice and training camp.
3) Was allergic to taintsucking Viqueen fans.
4) Was afraid of dudes that look like Mr. McGoo.
5) Was afraid of being raped by Jared Allen.
6) Was afraid that with all the restaurant choices that existed in the Twin Cities area (see Ryan Longwell), he would get lost and end up back on the Vicodin.
7) Was afraid of albinos. (see Darrell Bevell).
8) Didn't want to tarnish his Packer legacy.
9) Had a torrid three way with McCarthy and Thompson that resolved all of their differences.
10) Wanted to cash in on that marketing deal with the Pack.
11) Was secretly trying to undermine the Viqueens all along at the direction of the evil Ted Thompson as payback for the tampering last season.
12) Missed his family.
13) Loved his tractors. Alot. Like in a not normal way.
Reasons why he will come back in three weeks:
1) Got jealous of another quarterback, any quarterback, throwing a TD pass. I mean like he is driving by a Pop Warner field.
2) Tired of not leading SportsCenter every day.
3) Misses Rachel Nichols living in his rose bushes.
4) Gets tired of cutting the grass every motherfucking day.
5) Deanna wants ANOTHER $10,000 handbag.
6) Deanna wants a $50,000 watch.
7) Deanna wants a $200,000 ring
8) Deanna wants a $150,000 car
9) Deanna wants a $1.2 million dollar yacht
10) Deanna wants a new beach house
11) The kids need shoes
12) Just a good 'ol boy who likes to compete.
13) Bus Cook needs money.
14) Scott Favre needs money.
15) Bonita Favre needs money.
16) Didn't mean he was going to stay retired FOREVER. Never actually said that. Just meant yesterday he was staying retired. Boy, the media sure likes to infer things!
I've thought about this whole sordid tale. If he really did stay retired, I would be allowed to say his name sometime around next year's Super Bowl, about February 1, 2011. His number could be retired in 2014, no earlier. Assuming he doesn't come back. Now I will mention him only when he either inevitably decides to come back, or when discussing how fucking stupid, gullible and sad Viqueen fans are.
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