Immediately following the Some-Star Game last night, the Brewers acquired Francisco Rodriguez and cash in a trade for 2 players to be named later. Let's break this down a little bit shall we?
First of all, let's talk about the pieces.
KRod may not be in the prime of his career, but he is still a good reliever and will be an upgrade to our current bullpen, the biggest question is whether he is actually comfortable with coming in to a set up role. Sometimes closers, especially ones who are put there unwillingly, have issues with moving to that 8th inning slot. His contract is quite large, but the Mets ate 5 million of it in the trade and he has around another 5 million left for the rest of the year, so that will be a wash for this year and they will be able to buy out his contract at the end of the year for 3.5 million. There is a vesting clause for next year that I will talk about more in depth later.
The Brewers are sending over 2 players to be named at a later date. These are always fun guessing games for commenters and bloggers trying to speculate who might be available. Apparently the list is of 5 players and according to comments by Doug Melvin, none of those players would be considered top prospects in our farm system. It has also been said that the quality of these players will somewhat depend on how well Rodriquez performs for the remainder of the year. Hopefully that means the Mets were just looking to dump KRod's contract and didn't really care who they got back, they just wanted some bodies.
KRod just recently switched his agent to Scott Boras, on Monday in fact. With this switch came these immediate comments from Boras; “Francisco Rodriguez is a historic closer, he's not going anywhere to be a setup man.” and “Closers don't make good setup men. Does anyone want an unhappy setup man in their clubhouse?” Now one could read those comments and nod along and say, damn, KRod's gonna blow up in Milwaukee. But I'll take a different approach and it involves the little vested option for next year.
In KRod's contract, it states that if he finishes(not necessarily saves) 55 games this year, he will be vested for the next year at a salary of around 17 and a half million dollars. He has currently finished 34 games, so 21 to go. That will not happen. There is no way the Brewers will be saddled with that kind of money next for Francisco Rodriguez. This couldn't be happier news for Scott Boras and there's a reason KRod was sent to a team like the Brewers. You see, those quotes were made on Monday before this trade and after the announcement that Boras would be his agent, he knew the Mets wanted off the hook for that almost 18 million dollar vesting and that there was a very real chance they took him off his 9th inning duties if they couldn't move him. This was a hedge move by Boras, he would publicly remind the Mets that if they did decide to go this route, he could and would tell his client to shit the bed right then and there. Everyone else in the league would become blatantly aware of why KRod performed so poorly and it was because the Mets just screwed him out of 18 million. What does Boras have to gain from getting KRod out of that vesting? Well that's pretty obvious, Boras didn't negotiate this contract so he won't see a dime of the money and Scott Boras is not a man that works hard to get someone else paid.
For this reason alone, I think you will see a very happy and a very cooperative Francisco Rodriguez coming into the 8th inning and pitching as well as he can for the Brewers. A good showing will remind clubs next year that he can still close and that he is still under 30 and deserves a big 5 year contract. This will of course be a foolish contract. Rodriguez being the set up man for the remainder of the year also plays right into Boras' hands and you can bet this trade has made him very happy.
I like this trade for the Brewers, it's very little risk long term even if it is more of a psychological gain than an actual performance boost to our bullpen. We've made the first move in the NL Central and now the eyes will be on the Cardinals, Red and Pirates to match or shuffle forward.
Now we just need a new shortstop, wonder what JJ Hardy's doing in Baltimore?
Showing posts with label Milwaukee Brewers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Milwaukee Brewers. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Drunken Brewers/Twinkie Preview
In about 2 1/2 hours, I'm embarking on my most ambitious tailgating venture ever as I take off to Milwaukee to watch the Brewers take their second straight from the Twinks. It is my most ambitious ever because we are bringing a table. Otherwise it is the same as any other. Regardless, myself, Mrs. Juice, Sports Bottle, the soon to be Mrs. Sports Bottle, Richard and friends are going to get fucked up and enjoy the ridiculous weather. I put the over/under on number of innings I remember at 6.5. I put the over/under on inning Richard passes out at 7.5. Fun will be had by all.
One quick side note: U.S. is playing Mexico in some fake soccer tournament tonight. While I am aware of it, I would never make plans around watching it, or probably even think to watch it when it was on. I guess I'm in the minority though because according to ESPN.com, of like 129,000 voters, 39% are the most excited about this match vs. 4 other sporting events (MLB, NASCAR, CWS, Wimbledon). While that isn't exactly a murderers row, I'm SHOCKED that a relatively meaningless soccer match won.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Dear Diary
Hi. It has been awhile. I've been busy tweeting everything that comes to mind before I have time or the desire to blog anything. Blogging is much more fun when ANYONE else joins in. And I've been kind of busy. If you are at all interested in anything I say, you should probably follow me on twitter @Juicelaw_WI.
I had to chime in on a few things that were to cumbersome to tweet. I went to a shitty wedding last night. First of all, Friday weddings are fucking rude. Second, if I'm not IN the wedding, or didn't go to college with the person who is getting married (and hence plan to get super fucked up), weddings are terrible. This particular wedding was a wife's co-worker whom I barely know. Anyway, food was good, conversation was awkward, blah blah blah. Beer was free but the keg was all fucked up so you ended up with 80% foam no matter what you did, but I wasn't drinking much anyway, as I was designated driver. What was insane was the music. The DJ was awful. He literally had a fucking pile of something called COMPACT DISCS. I was pretty certain that this wasn't Russia or 1998, so I had no fucking idea what he was doing. There was like a 40 second dead spot between every song as he loaded up his Discman or whatever the fuck he was doing. He played every shitty wedding song you can imagine, plus Nickelback. But for some reason he played "Axel F" aka the Beverly Hills Cop theme song, which was great, but had no words and confused the multiple people a) in cowboy hats and b) that had never heard of Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, and the DJ's name was "Gizmo" which led me to make about 743 "Gremlins" jokes. (Oh! Oh! Someone got the DJ wet! Fuck! Is it midnight already? Who fed the fucking DJ!) That was the best part of the wedding. That is all, I just had to get that off my chest because it was awkward.
OTHER BULLETTY POINTY THINGS
-Brewers are finding out real quick that the AL fucking sucks to play against when you have an NL roster. Doesn't help when Marcum gets hurt in the first. I'm honestly hoping to get one here. In case you are wondering, my preseason prediction had the Crew 2 games ahead of where they currently sit. I'm not worried, I'm just saying. Also, Jonathan Lucroy fucked Randy Wolf's wife.
-Headed to Brew City next Saturday to get drunk with Sports Bottle and to watch the Crew beat the Twins.
-The Packers Super Bowl rings are gigantic.
-Went to a country concert at Lambeau last weekend. It was fun. My neighbor's wife got punched in the face by a Hooter's girl and my brother in-law got picked up by a police officer while trying to walk the 8 miles from Lambeau to my house. I would totally do it again.
I had to chime in on a few things that were to cumbersome to tweet. I went to a shitty wedding last night. First of all, Friday weddings are fucking rude. Second, if I'm not IN the wedding, or didn't go to college with the person who is getting married (and hence plan to get super fucked up), weddings are terrible. This particular wedding was a wife's co-worker whom I barely know. Anyway, food was good, conversation was awkward, blah blah blah. Beer was free but the keg was all fucked up so you ended up with 80% foam no matter what you did, but I wasn't drinking much anyway, as I was designated driver. What was insane was the music. The DJ was awful. He literally had a fucking pile of something called COMPACT DISCS. I was pretty certain that this wasn't Russia or 1998, so I had no fucking idea what he was doing. There was like a 40 second dead spot between every song as he loaded up his Discman or whatever the fuck he was doing. He played every shitty wedding song you can imagine, plus Nickelback. But for some reason he played "Axel F" aka the Beverly Hills Cop theme song, which was great, but had no words and confused the multiple people a) in cowboy hats and b) that had never heard of Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, and the DJ's name was "Gizmo" which led me to make about 743 "Gremlins" jokes. (Oh! Oh! Someone got the DJ wet! Fuck! Is it midnight already? Who fed the fucking DJ!) That was the best part of the wedding. That is all, I just had to get that off my chest because it was awkward.
OTHER BULLETTY POINTY THINGS
-Brewers are finding out real quick that the AL fucking sucks to play against when you have an NL roster. Doesn't help when Marcum gets hurt in the first. I'm honestly hoping to get one here. In case you are wondering, my preseason prediction had the Crew 2 games ahead of where they currently sit. I'm not worried, I'm just saying. Also, Jonathan Lucroy fucked Randy Wolf's wife.
-Headed to Brew City next Saturday to get drunk with Sports Bottle and to watch the Crew beat the Twins.
-The Packers Super Bowl rings are gigantic.
-Went to a country concert at Lambeau last weekend. It was fun. My neighbor's wife got punched in the face by a Hooter's girl and my brother in-law got picked up by a police officer while trying to walk the 8 miles from Lambeau to my house. I would totally do it again.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Best Investment Ever?
No, I'm actually not referring to the Brewers signing Ryan Braun to a gigantic extension through 2020 (more on that in a second). I'm referring to the Ryan Braun jersey that I purchased two years ago. I'm always tormented when I go to buy a jersey of another grown man. Mostly because I don't want to get stuck with a horrible jersey a year or two later. 
That $75 or whatever it was was sweet. I'm going to get TWELVE years out of that fucker. It might actually fall apart before he's gone or dead! I actually wish I would've dropped $200 on an authentic one now.
Onto the signing itself. I LOVE the message it sends, and I love Ryan Braun. Also I love Mark Attanasio. Honestly, in 2019 when Braun is making something like $16 million, it might end up badly. But would you rather have Braun making $16 million in 2019, or a 350 lb first basement making 20? Does this have anything to do with Prince? Probably not, but I feel a little bit like there might be a message here to Prince and to other Brewer players present and future. If you play well, and want to play here, we will try to pay you. Braun expressed an interest to be a Brewer for life, even though he just signed an extension through 2015 like five minutes ago. In exchange for a little more money now, he gave up the right to hold a gun to the Brewer's head in 4 years, and potentially make a little more money for the last few years. It is possible if Braun continues to progress, and inflation continues, he might have made $25 mil or so by the end of this thing. The message to Prince is "We gave you this offer two years ago and you balked because Boras promised you more money, so fuck you. We aren't giving you anything." Now, it is very questionable whether this message will mean anything. Because someone is probably going to be paying Fielder what he wants. But the Brewers likely could've waited on this. I feel like they wanted Fielder around when they gave Braun $10 million extra dollars yesterday.
Seriously though, this deal is another in a long line of deals that would've never happened under previous ownership. There is a serious commitment to winning, and a serious commitment to keeping their stars, that hasn't ever been seen in Milwaukee. I'm thrilled about that, even if Braun is hitting .212 in limited playing time in 2020.
MLB DODGERS
I'm not a Dodger fan, so I can just sit back an laugh at that disaster. I did want to throw this out though. Was McCourt "borrowing money for payroll", which seemed to clearly be a cry for help (if this is in fact true), done with the intent to get MLB to step in, thereby likely driving down the value of the Dodgers? Here is my thinking. He is going through a horrendous divorce. I can speak from experience that people that are going through a divorce lose their fucking minds. They will do idiotic things, that cost them thousands of dollars (for a normal person, millions for the McCourts), just so the spouse gets less. In this case, since Ms. McCourt is entitled to half, would the absurdly rich Frank drive down the value of this asset to fuck over Ms. McCourt? Probably not, since the Dodgers might only be a drop in the bucket for these two rich assholes. But as I said, people in the midst of a divorce are fucking insane.
REAL WORLD: VEGAS
Yes, I watch the Real World. It is one of the perks to being married to a woman that would watch just about anything if there was an MTV logo in the corner. I have an excuse to watch the Real World (because I'm forced to. What am I supposed to do, go in the bedroom? The TV is all small in there!). Anyway, this season has been really solid. We've been waiting since episode one for this one kid Dustin's big secret to be revealed. Which is that he's been in gay porn. Which is fucking hilarious. We see on the previews that it gets revealed in the next episode. The snippet might have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on TV, but let me set it up for you if you haven't seen the show at all.
Dustin is a gooney white dude from the South. He immediately started a "relationship" with a girl on the show, and they've been "hooking up" (I added the quotes because what I really meant is that they have known each other for five minutes, have been locked in a suite at the Hard Rock, got bored and drunk and fucked a whole bunch). So by all accounts he is straight. In the preview they show, the girl says "Is there something you want to tell me about your past?" Response (sounds like it is in his head) "She knows!". Girl "You are all over the Internet having sex. With guys." Dustin's response (which should win him a fucking Emmy) "A guy."
There you have it. In 2011, you aren't gay if you only had sex with ONE guy. I texted my brother "Best justification for gay porn ever." He replied "He could've told her he wasn't the catcher." Which would've been good too. You should probably watch next Thursday at 9 central, or one of the 7500 times they replay it. It is going to be epic. Prediction: he talks his way out of it and the girl fucks him again by the end of the episode because she is a stupid whore.
That $75 or whatever it was was sweet. I'm going to get TWELVE years out of that fucker. It might actually fall apart before he's gone or dead! I actually wish I would've dropped $200 on an authentic one now.
Onto the signing itself. I LOVE the message it sends, and I love Ryan Braun. Also I love Mark Attanasio. Honestly, in 2019 when Braun is making something like $16 million, it might end up badly. But would you rather have Braun making $16 million in 2019, or a 350 lb first basement making 20? Does this have anything to do with Prince? Probably not, but I feel a little bit like there might be a message here to Prince and to other Brewer players present and future. If you play well, and want to play here, we will try to pay you. Braun expressed an interest to be a Brewer for life, even though he just signed an extension through 2015 like five minutes ago. In exchange for a little more money now, he gave up the right to hold a gun to the Brewer's head in 4 years, and potentially make a little more money for the last few years. It is possible if Braun continues to progress, and inflation continues, he might have made $25 mil or so by the end of this thing. The message to Prince is "We gave you this offer two years ago and you balked because Boras promised you more money, so fuck you. We aren't giving you anything." Now, it is very questionable whether this message will mean anything. Because someone is probably going to be paying Fielder what he wants. But the Brewers likely could've waited on this. I feel like they wanted Fielder around when they gave Braun $10 million extra dollars yesterday.
Seriously though, this deal is another in a long line of deals that would've never happened under previous ownership. There is a serious commitment to winning, and a serious commitment to keeping their stars, that hasn't ever been seen in Milwaukee. I'm thrilled about that, even if Braun is hitting .212 in limited playing time in 2020.
MLB DODGERS
I'm not a Dodger fan, so I can just sit back an laugh at that disaster. I did want to throw this out though. Was McCourt "borrowing money for payroll", which seemed to clearly be a cry for help (if this is in fact true), done with the intent to get MLB to step in, thereby likely driving down the value of the Dodgers? Here is my thinking. He is going through a horrendous divorce. I can speak from experience that people that are going through a divorce lose their fucking minds. They will do idiotic things, that cost them thousands of dollars (for a normal person, millions for the McCourts), just so the spouse gets less. In this case, since Ms. McCourt is entitled to half, would the absurdly rich Frank drive down the value of this asset to fuck over Ms. McCourt? Probably not, since the Dodgers might only be a drop in the bucket for these two rich assholes. But as I said, people in the midst of a divorce are fucking insane.
REAL WORLD: VEGAS
Yes, I watch the Real World. It is one of the perks to being married to a woman that would watch just about anything if there was an MTV logo in the corner. I have an excuse to watch the Real World (because I'm forced to. What am I supposed to do, go in the bedroom? The TV is all small in there!). Anyway, this season has been really solid. We've been waiting since episode one for this one kid Dustin's big secret to be revealed. Which is that he's been in gay porn. Which is fucking hilarious. We see on the previews that it gets revealed in the next episode. The snippet might have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on TV, but let me set it up for you if you haven't seen the show at all.
Dustin is a gooney white dude from the South. He immediately started a "relationship" with a girl on the show, and they've been "hooking up" (I added the quotes because what I really meant is that they have known each other for five minutes, have been locked in a suite at the Hard Rock, got bored and drunk and fucked a whole bunch). So by all accounts he is straight. In the preview they show, the girl says "Is there something you want to tell me about your past?" Response (sounds like it is in his head) "She knows!". Girl "You are all over the Internet having sex. With guys." Dustin's response (which should win him a fucking Emmy) "A guy."
There you have it. In 2011, you aren't gay if you only had sex with ONE guy. I texted my brother "Best justification for gay porn ever." He replied "He could've told her he wasn't the catcher." Which would've been good too. You should probably watch next Thursday at 9 central, or one of the 7500 times they replay it. It is going to be epic. Prediction: he talks his way out of it and the girl fucks him again by the end of the episode because she is a stupid whore.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Let's Play Two
Why not? What else am I going to do besides watching six hours of Brewers v. Nationals today? I miss true double headers. Back in the 80's they used to schedule a few double headers a year, so that they could play October baseball in October and not November.
Yuni Bettancourt finally cost the Crew a game with his defense on Friday. His D had actually been half way decent up until Friday. It won't be the last game we lose like that.
Let's hope for a sweep today and some good Plushdamentals.
QUICK NATIVE AMERICAN CASINO RANT
I went to the local Native American casino last night. I went sober. I went with the full intention of giving them $40 worth of roulette spins and blackjack hands. Mission accomplished. It still strikes me that every time I go, 90% of the people there do not appear that they can afford the gas to drive to the casino. Yet there they are, plugging dollars into the slot machine, and bellied up at the $10/hand blackjack tables. But seriously, just throw it on the credit card, I will pay for it later when you don't pay the credit card, file for bankruptcy for the third time, and then the credit card companies lobby congress for some bullshit loophole tax hike that ends up in thier pocket. Also, I don't miss smoking being banned. It is clear that there were people there that were in the midst of a realization that they hadn't been able to smoke outside of thier house or car since July 4th, and were making it a point to smoke as long as hard as possible. I still have a fucking headache, and I was only there for a few hours.
Yuni Bettancourt finally cost the Crew a game with his defense on Friday. His D had actually been half way decent up until Friday. It won't be the last game we lose like that.
Let's hope for a sweep today and some good Plushdamentals.
QUICK NATIVE AMERICAN CASINO RANT
I went to the local Native American casino last night. I went sober. I went with the full intention of giving them $40 worth of roulette spins and blackjack hands. Mission accomplished. It still strikes me that every time I go, 90% of the people there do not appear that they can afford the gas to drive to the casino. Yet there they are, plugging dollars into the slot machine, and bellied up at the $10/hand blackjack tables. But seriously, just throw it on the credit card, I will pay for it later when you don't pay the credit card, file for bankruptcy for the third time, and then the credit card companies lobby congress for some bullshit loophole tax hike that ends up in thier pocket. Also, I don't miss smoking being banned. It is clear that there were people there that were in the midst of a realization that they hadn't been able to smoke outside of thier house or car since July 4th, and were making it a point to smoke as long as hard as possible. I still have a fucking headache, and I was only there for a few hours.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Mish Mash Of Shat
As I venture into the last few days of tax season, and my life is about to begin anew, I had a couple of things in my brain to spew out:
-Excellent article by UCSB616, although I disagree on the best month of the sports year. My vote would be for October. NFL and College Football in full swing, and the entirety of MLB playoffs. I would argue that the NBA playoffs in April add little to nothing to my sports enjoyment. Wake me in July or August, or whenever the fuck the Finals finally start (unless there are Deer to Fear, which there is most certainly not this year). I will watch a smattering of games, but they won't be appointment television for the most part. It probably helps if you root for the Lakers.
-I love me some Tony Plush (aka Nyjer Morgan if you live in the 1990's and aren't on Twitter yet). He is my favorite Brewer right now. I just like the way he plays, and his gentleman alter ego helps. My favorite running joke right now is that I'm going to love him until he murders Braun or Yo in their sleep. Because he is allegedly crazy. But he hustles his ass off, he's fast, he's exciting, he seems to care (or not know where he is, I can't tell), and he can get on base. I'm enjoying this ride while it lasts. Tonight, he murdered Ryan Domut on a play at the plate, which is the second catcher he took out, and if remember last year, he has a bit of a history with this. I would post a YouTube video of this, but (Sports Bottle's) god forbid MLB allows YouTube videos.
-Barry Bonds is going to prison. I guess you don't fuck with the G. I guess I'm glad he got convicted because approximately .03 cents of my paychecks for the last five years (and every other American) was put towards the costs of prosecution.
-The NFL has a draft coming up in a few weeks, and I couldn't be less excited. Normally, I LOVE the draft, and get super excited for it. I'm not sure if I'm not excited because of the lockout garbage (probably) or because the Packers WON THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL!!!! and I don't feel like they need much. Part of me will feel guilty for watching the draft because I feel like I'm condoning these assholes. But not enough of me that I won't watch it.
-The Brewers-Cubs game Sunday was a success. I didn't get beaten into a coma for wearing a Brewer jersey, even though I'm 30 years old. My brother and his two friends didn't either. And there were a shitload of Cubs fans nearby. Had some beers, enjoyed the ridiculous 80 degree weather, and watched the Cubs fans cheer like they won the World Series after throwing out Weeks stealing.....after McGehee hit the two run pinch hit homer to put us ahead. Cubs fans are stupid. Also, as we were walking out, some random dude showed me a picture of a Cubs fan passed out inside Miller Park, and he pissed himself.
-Excellent article by UCSB616, although I disagree on the best month of the sports year. My vote would be for October. NFL and College Football in full swing, and the entirety of MLB playoffs. I would argue that the NBA playoffs in April add little to nothing to my sports enjoyment. Wake me in July or August, or whenever the fuck the Finals finally start (unless there are Deer to Fear, which there is most certainly not this year). I will watch a smattering of games, but they won't be appointment television for the most part. It probably helps if you root for the Lakers.
-I love me some Tony Plush (aka Nyjer Morgan if you live in the 1990's and aren't on Twitter yet). He is my favorite Brewer right now. I just like the way he plays, and his gentleman alter ego helps. My favorite running joke right now is that I'm going to love him until he murders Braun or Yo in their sleep. Because he is allegedly crazy. But he hustles his ass off, he's fast, he's exciting, he seems to care (or not know where he is, I can't tell), and he can get on base. I'm enjoying this ride while it lasts. Tonight, he murdered Ryan Domut on a play at the plate, which is the second catcher he took out, and if remember last year, he has a bit of a history with this. I would post a YouTube video of this, but (Sports Bottle's) god forbid MLB allows YouTube videos.
-Barry Bonds is going to prison. I guess you don't fuck with the G. I guess I'm glad he got convicted because approximately .03 cents of my paychecks for the last five years (and every other American) was put towards the costs of prosecution.
-The NFL has a draft coming up in a few weeks, and I couldn't be less excited. Normally, I LOVE the draft, and get super excited for it. I'm not sure if I'm not excited because of the lockout garbage (probably) or because the Packers WON THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL!!!! and I don't feel like they need much. Part of me will feel guilty for watching the draft because I feel like I'm condoning these assholes. But not enough of me that I won't watch it.
-The Brewers-Cubs game Sunday was a success. I didn't get beaten into a coma for wearing a Brewer jersey, even though I'm 30 years old. My brother and his two friends didn't either. And there were a shitload of Cubs fans nearby. Had some beers, enjoyed the ridiculous 80 degree weather, and watched the Cubs fans cheer like they won the World Series after throwing out Weeks stealing.....after McGehee hit the two run pinch hit homer to put us ahead. Cubs fans are stupid. Also, as we were walking out, some random dude showed me a picture of a Cubs fan passed out inside Miller Park, and he pissed himself.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
FAKE LIVE BLOG IV!- Final Four/Brewers-Reds Edition
So here I am. Home alone. Wife is off doing it with her friends or whatever (I assume this is what women do when their husbands aren't along). The Final Four is on. The first Brewer game not on while normal people work is on. What better time than now to give you a fake live blog/fake Simmon's style running diary. I am going to do this until I get tired of it, which may be a half hour, and may be five hours. Who knows? This first section is brought to you by Pasquale's International Cafe in De Pere, WI and their Windy City sandwich. It is a full half pound of Italian beef, onions, peppers and mozzarella cheese on a fresh hoagie roll. I had my Windy City cherry popped tonight, and I now know why the guy on the phone acted like I was retarded when I asked if it came with fries. So fucking good. If I fall asleep in like a half hour that is why. Also, this section is sponsored by New Glarus Brewing Co. Snowshoe Ale, which is what I'm drinking right now. Tasty as shit.
5:33-We pick it up after the 12 minute timeout in the first half of VCU-Butler, tied at 15 with 10:15 left. Hey, a Honda Crosstour isn't a bologna sandwich according to the commercial. Thanks for that.
5:36- Raised courts are awkward. It looks like the players are all giants.
5:38- Words along the side of the court. "And then there were four. Three. Two. One." Can I just say: What the fuck? Should I be surprised by this or something? Do the teams usually fuck each other and multiply? Look Houston. I know that you build rocket ships there or some shit, but get over yourselves. And do they even fly rockets anymore? Wake me when they land a manned spacecraft on Mars or something.
5:40- It kills Alicia Keyes that someone might not hear "Empire State of Mind" as if it was sung live. And only Beats Audio can give it to you. Or maybe she just wants to sell some computers. Whatever.
5:42- I'm predicting that if 75,000 show up for this round, 50,000 will be corporate assholes, 23,999 will be Kentucky assholes, 1 will be Ashley Judd. 1,000 will be Butler/VCU/UCONN fans.
5:44- Tied at 20 with 6:12 left. Am I the only one who thinks "skeet" when I hear Jamie Skeen?
5:46- Seriously, Butler was 14-9 at one point. How the fuck are they here?
5:47- Just saw the Butler student section. If I went to Butler, I would be the blackest person there.
5:48- 24-22 VCU. I love how media types lie about how they "saw it coming" that Butler would be a Final Four team after they beat UWM. Bull. Shit. Every media person goes 100% chalk on their brackets unless Duke is a 2 seed.
5:50- Shelvin Mack is "sharp as a steak knife" and just "sprayed VCU from deep". 25-24 Butler, 3:52 left in half.
5:53- Has anyone ever only eaten ONE peanut butter cup? I think not.
5:54- Butler inbounds. One second comes off the clock. Timeout. Back to commercial. Hate that.
5:55- Wake me when they invent a 3D TV I don't need to wear glasses to watch.
6:00- Guy in VCU crowd wearing Oakleys. Is it 1994?
6:01- I have an odd self-image. I still feel like these college players, some of whom are 12 years younger than me, are older than I am. What age do I stop feeling that?
6:02- Barbara Bush does not know where she is. To be fair, she looked the same way in 1992.
6:03- Fuck. I just rubbed my eyes and must've had some hot pepper juice on them. I can only see out of one eye.
6:04- Butler is winning the "glass eating game". Howard with an absurd two handed reverse lay-in. Butler 34-28. VCU fires a pass into the 19th row with 2.4 seconds left.
6:08- Halftime of the basketball game. Switch over to Brewer pregame. Of course, it is a fucking WMLW game, which means no HD. On the bright side, I just saw commercials for: Perry Mason, MASH, and Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I made none of those up.
6:09- This portion brought to you by Louie's Demise Ale by Milwaukee Brewing Company. Not as good as I remember. Definitely not as good as the Snowshoe Ale I just had. 6:11- I missed Brian Anderson. I did not miss Bill Schroeder.
6:12- (Sports Bottle's) God is this picture terrible. It looks like they are playing in a fucking snowstorm.
6:14- Nice three up three down for the Crew. Let me use this opportunity, if you have read this far, to invite you to follow us on Twitter. Myself: @Juicelaw_WI, Bear: @bearflash, Jon: @UCSB616. Twinkie has one too, but he only got one to follow me. I pretty much only tweet when I'm drinking or really, really bored. What a salesman!
6:15- Ueck in a Usinger sausage commercial. Classic. Speaking German, with heavy use of YAH! Good times.
6:17- Shaun Marcum just walked his first batter in a Brewer uniform. Welcome to Milwaukee!!
6:18- Marcum is on a "soft 80" pitch count. Sounds great.
6:19- Someone should tell Marcum that someone wiped their ass on his hat. Dude, it is game two. How does your hat get that dirty otherwise?
6:20- Drew Stubbs steals second, Wil Nieves who is a "great defensive catcher", bounces one 8 feet short on the throw. Then throws him out trying to steal third as I write. Never mind. Stealing third is dumb unless you are Rickey Henderson.
6:21- Marcum just destroyed Brandon Phillips with a slider. That was pretty.
6:22- Scott Rolen is 600 years old.
6:23- I would like Prince Fielder's beard/afro combination if he wasn't going to leave after the season.
6:24- Rolen just CRUSHED a 2 run homer. 2-0 Reds. Marcum's ERA is on pace to be like 27.00.
6:25- 4 pitch walk.
6:26- Back to hoops. It looks like Steve Kerr is sitting on Clark Kellogg's lap. Can we get a bigger table for these three? Jesus.
6:30- Do people still watch Survivor? Why? 34-31 Butler, 18:24 left. It appears from the PIP that Marcum finally got out of the inning.
6:31- Butler in 2nd half: 3 possessions, 3 turnovers. I've got the Brewer game on picture in picture small screen, Final Four on big screen.
6:32- VCU goes up 35-34 with 17:09 left. VCU started the first half on fire too, and Butler put them out.
6:34- By the way, "Fast Five". I purposely didn't swap to the Crew so I could watch the preview again. Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, The Rock, among others.
6:36- 33 year old Erick Almonte is making his first major league start for the Brewers since 2003, and his first EVER in the OF. Wow. Is he related to Danny Almonte? Did Danny shoot himself yet?
6:37- Back to hoops. Butler back up 36-35, 16:08 left.
6:38- Another hoop commercial. And now the Crew is also at commercial. And I had a really funny joke about Blake Griffing being Black/White/Native American/Ginger and it somehow got erased. Fuck.
6:42- Brewer game brought to you by Usinger's and Stienhafel's. No Germans in Wisconsin at all.
6:43- SKEET for three! 38-36 VCU, 14:44 left.
6:44- Skeet! And one! 41-39 VCU, 13:41 left.
6:46- 3-0 Reds Bottom of 2nd. Championship!
6:47- Brewers on big screen. Maybe Brandon Phillips just doesn't match up well with Marcum? 2nd K in 2 at bats.
6:48- Jesus Christ. Semi-difficult grounder to Weeks. Bounces one to Fielder, who should have caught it (hit him right in glove), and doesn't. 4-0 Reds. Fuck.
6:53- Butler back up 4. Skeet at the line.
6:54- I just tried to send a text to a buddy of mine named "Dan" and accidentally sent it to "Dad". Awkward. Fairly certain he doesn't know what a blog is so he's probably pretty confused.
6:55- Butler up 52-45 with 9:39 to go. Starting to get away from VCU again.
6:56- Meanwhile, Travis Wood just had a 7 pitch inning. SEVEN fucking pitches? Way to make him work Crew.
6:57- Speaking of seven. It is VCU's biggest deficit of the tournament. That is crazy. Matt Howard just picked up his 4th foul with 9:15 left.
7:02- It is strange to look into the Brewer dugout and not see Ken Macha's blank stare.
7:05- The National Championship tips at 8:23 CST. If you grow up on the East coast in the 00's or 10's, you will never get to see "One Shining Moment", and you will be missing out. That was a shout out to all of our 12 year old readers. Speaking of 12 year olds, I nearly got kicked out of my fantasy baseball league with the old guys because someone let a 12 year old join and I had an expletive laden message board post. I was promptly yelled at by everyone else. My response was of course: Fuck You. Then I got a personal email from my neighbor who yelled at me even more. I declared I am never posting again in the league. It is too fun to quit, plus I've got 20 bucks on it.
7:11- Skeet! For three! And one! 61-57 Butler, 2:32 left.
7:14- Braun hasn't given up. Beat out an infield single for the Crew's first hit. I bet he'd be even faster if he cut that gawd awful hair of his.
7:17- Butler at the line up 63-57 with 47.3 left. Probably all she wrote. Two FT's for Butler, and a VCU turnover. Ballgame. Butler in TWO STRAIGHT NCAA Championship games. Somewhere, Satan is having a good time with Brad Stevens' soul.
7:19- I'm starting to get a little sore already. Time for a short break.
7:25- Hey Oh! Erick Almonte hits an upper decker. 4-1 Reds, Top of 5.
7:26- This section is brought to you by New Glarus Back 40 Bock.
7:27- I was just informed that it has been EIGHT years to the day since Almonte's last homer. Which was also his FIRST homer.
7:32- Yikes. Steve Harvey hosts Family Fued now?
7:33- Seems like as good a time as any to tell you that I'm headed to Milwaukee next Sunday with my brother to watch FIBs get hammered on two martinis and then fight each other. Or as it is also known, our 3rd annual Brewers-Cubs trip. Aviators, popped collars underneath T-shirts, and BMWs owned by someone else will be plentiful because FIBs will be. I love/hate going to Brewer-Cubs games because Cub "fans" show up in droves because they can't tailgate or drink anything but Old Style at Wrigley, or as the t-shirt that I bought a few years back says " The World's Largest Gay Bar". In other news, I hate FIBs.
7:38- Jonny Gomes takes a chest high fastball for ball four. Schroeder "Don't know where that one missed." Classic. He will say that at least 700 more times this year. That'll be it for Marcum. 4 2/3, 4R, 3ER, career high 5 BB. Awesome.
7:40- Judge Hatchett, weekdays at 8am on WMLW. They need to stop making these shows.
7:43- This just in. At 8, my PIP will be over, unless I want to switch to "Eat, Pray, Love", which is being recorded on my DVR. I will think about it.
7:44- Back on CBS, Jimmer Fradette is accepting the player of the year award, his hair actually came to accept it in Jimmer's place.
7:45- The picture on this standard def channel is so bad that Rickie Weeks is at the plate, and between the Navy road alternate unis and the black advertisement behind the plate, I literally can not see his head as he bats.
7:47- And Carlos Gomez strikes out. I just lost a bet.
7:48- I think Russell Brand is funny. The previews for his movies always look good even though I'm pretty sure I've never actually seen one that he starred in. "Arthur" looks funny, and I'm aware it is a re-make. Perhaps I'm too young to be offended by this, because I don't believe I've ever seen the original, or if I did, it didn't resonate to me. I'm told I should be offended.
7:50- Interview with Shaka Smart. His team lost, but he doesn't have to give up his awesome name. 7:52- Sergio Mitre has a "slurvy slider". Wouldn't that make it a slider? Or at least a slurvder?
7:58- One. Two. Three for Mitre. Let me switch over to basketball to see if Four is next.
7:59- Which coach will commit the most NCAA violations during the game tonight? Calhoun or Calipari? I will take Calhoun and the points.
8:01- Prince Fielder is really good at the plate. A one-handed single up the middle on a slider down and away.
8:02- Calipari just committed an NCAA violation on Tracy Wolfson. How does someone with Wolfson's accent get her job? I mean, I know how she probably got her job, but still, she talks like fucking Snookie.
8:04- Aroldis Chapman up in the pen. I'm excited to see if he can hit 125 mph tonight.
8:05- Jay Bruce just made a ridiculous play to rob a foul ball from McGehee. Corey Hart/replacement RF-X makes that play 0 out of 100 times.
8:06- Over/Under on Ashley Judd sightings is set at 1.5. I will take the over. Cameras are panning, but haven't found her yet to my knowledge. She needs to fire her PR person. Speaking of actresses, I need to get this off my chest too. Fucking Natalie Portman has been in like 30 movies in the last year. Does she fucking sleep? What the fuck? Off the top of my head she was in: Black Swan, that bullshit romantic comedy where she fucked Ashton Kutcher, this bullshit medieval movie with Kenny Powers in it, and Thor, in the last like six months. Thor and the Kenny Powers movie open like a week apart in the next month. I'm sure there is a logical explanation, like there are two of her, or she has the power to teleport, or she is an alien or something, but it is getting scary. I half expect her to show up in the dugout of this Brewer game.
8:12- 2nd semifinal has tipped. Calhoun just slipped the ref a bennie.
8:13- I feel like Kentucky is a little more complete than UCONN. I base this on having seen each of them play about 2.5 times this season, and broad speculation.
8:17- Kemba Walker is good. 8-5 UCONN, 15:49 left.
8:18- Why are they going to commercial on Lady GaGa "Born This Way"? It makes no sense. 8:19- Fast Five!!
8:20- Still 4-1 Reds, Top of 8th. Craig Counsell is up with one on. So it is about to be 4-3. Nope.
8:23- The remainder of this, however much there may be, will be sponsored by Miller Lite and his brother Miller Lite.
8:24- Gigantic white Centers are a precious commodity. Especially ones that have a bit of game. 10-9 UK, 12:19 left.
8:25- Guy on the Miller Lite "Man up" commercial that "Worries about his hair" has the same hair as Ryan Braun. Also, Pauly D has similar hair.
8:26- Miller Lite is my only friend. 8:27- Magic Johnson is comfortable in his own skin. And he cured AIDS.
8:28- UCONN has 6 Turnovers and 5 FG attempts. That seems inefficient.
8:29- Kentucky is now 1-7 from 3. It seems like 1-100. An they were all bricks. Still up 12-11.
8:32- Top of the 9th in Cincy. Cordero on. As not great as Frankie is, I have a feeling we are going to be watching Matlock on WMLW soon.
8:33- Ooooh. Leadoff single for CarGo. Brian Anderson claims the "Boo Birds are out". I hear no such thing.
8:35- Cordero bounced a couple of splitters, and Anderson might be right. I think they want Chapman and his 132 mph fastball.
8:36- Holy shit, Phillips with an insane diving stab of a Braun liner, backhand flip. But Braun beats it out at first. One out.
8:37- Meanwhile, Kentucky apparently started running Bo Ryan's swing offense, because they haven't scored in over 4 minutes. 17-12 UCONN, 8:12 left in first half. The first game was played at a MUCH higher level.
8:38- Prince grounds softly to second, two outs.
8:39- McGehee with an RBI single. 4-2 Reds. Erick Almonte and his 2 career HRs in 8 fucking years is the "tying run". Of course 1 of those homers was tonight but still.
8:41- Jesus. Strike three (or ball 2 as the umpire called it) was right down the middle. And he swings and misses at the next pitch, 4-2 Reds final. Brewers are on pace to go 0-162. I think I'm done. Sleep tight kids.
8:56- Goddammit. I hit post, and the fucking thing eliminated all the spaces, so I just wasted 10 minutes putting them back in. You're welcome.
5:33-We pick it up after the 12 minute timeout in the first half of VCU-Butler, tied at 15 with 10:15 left. Hey, a Honda Crosstour isn't a bologna sandwich according to the commercial. Thanks for that.
5:36- Raised courts are awkward. It looks like the players are all giants.
5:38- Words along the side of the court. "And then there were four. Three. Two. One." Can I just say: What the fuck? Should I be surprised by this or something? Do the teams usually fuck each other and multiply? Look Houston. I know that you build rocket ships there or some shit, but get over yourselves. And do they even fly rockets anymore? Wake me when they land a manned spacecraft on Mars or something.
5:40- It kills Alicia Keyes that someone might not hear "Empire State of Mind" as if it was sung live. And only Beats Audio can give it to you. Or maybe she just wants to sell some computers. Whatever.
5:42- I'm predicting that if 75,000 show up for this round, 50,000 will be corporate assholes, 23,999 will be Kentucky assholes, 1 will be Ashley Judd. 1,000 will be Butler/VCU/UCONN fans.
5:44- Tied at 20 with 6:12 left. Am I the only one who thinks "skeet" when I hear Jamie Skeen?
5:46- Seriously, Butler was 14-9 at one point. How the fuck are they here?
5:47- Just saw the Butler student section. If I went to Butler, I would be the blackest person there.
5:48- 24-22 VCU. I love how media types lie about how they "saw it coming" that Butler would be a Final Four team after they beat UWM. Bull. Shit. Every media person goes 100% chalk on their brackets unless Duke is a 2 seed.
5:50- Shelvin Mack is "sharp as a steak knife" and just "sprayed VCU from deep". 25-24 Butler, 3:52 left in half.
5:53- Has anyone ever only eaten ONE peanut butter cup? I think not.
5:54- Butler inbounds. One second comes off the clock. Timeout. Back to commercial. Hate that.
5:55- Wake me when they invent a 3D TV I don't need to wear glasses to watch.
6:00- Guy in VCU crowd wearing Oakleys. Is it 1994?
6:01- I have an odd self-image. I still feel like these college players, some of whom are 12 years younger than me, are older than I am. What age do I stop feeling that?
6:02- Barbara Bush does not know where she is. To be fair, she looked the same way in 1992.
6:03- Fuck. I just rubbed my eyes and must've had some hot pepper juice on them. I can only see out of one eye.
6:04- Butler is winning the "glass eating game". Howard with an absurd two handed reverse lay-in. Butler 34-28. VCU fires a pass into the 19th row with 2.4 seconds left.
6:08- Halftime of the basketball game. Switch over to Brewer pregame. Of course, it is a fucking WMLW game, which means no HD. On the bright side, I just saw commercials for: Perry Mason, MASH, and Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I made none of those up.
6:09- This portion brought to you by Louie's Demise Ale by Milwaukee Brewing Company. Not as good as I remember. Definitely not as good as the Snowshoe Ale I just had. 6:11- I missed Brian Anderson. I did not miss Bill Schroeder.
6:12- (Sports Bottle's) God is this picture terrible. It looks like they are playing in a fucking snowstorm.
6:14- Nice three up three down for the Crew. Let me use this opportunity, if you have read this far, to invite you to follow us on Twitter. Myself: @Juicelaw_WI, Bear: @bearflash, Jon: @UCSB616. Twinkie has one too, but he only got one to follow me. I pretty much only tweet when I'm drinking or really, really bored. What a salesman!
6:15- Ueck in a Usinger sausage commercial. Classic. Speaking German, with heavy use of YAH! Good times.
6:17- Shaun Marcum just walked his first batter in a Brewer uniform. Welcome to Milwaukee!!
6:18- Marcum is on a "soft 80" pitch count. Sounds great.
6:19- Someone should tell Marcum that someone wiped their ass on his hat. Dude, it is game two. How does your hat get that dirty otherwise?
6:20- Drew Stubbs steals second, Wil Nieves who is a "great defensive catcher", bounces one 8 feet short on the throw. Then throws him out trying to steal third as I write. Never mind. Stealing third is dumb unless you are Rickey Henderson.
6:21- Marcum just destroyed Brandon Phillips with a slider. That was pretty.
6:22- Scott Rolen is 600 years old.
6:23- I would like Prince Fielder's beard/afro combination if he wasn't going to leave after the season.
6:24- Rolen just CRUSHED a 2 run homer. 2-0 Reds. Marcum's ERA is on pace to be like 27.00.
6:25- 4 pitch walk.
6:26- Back to hoops. It looks like Steve Kerr is sitting on Clark Kellogg's lap. Can we get a bigger table for these three? Jesus.
6:30- Do people still watch Survivor? Why? 34-31 Butler, 18:24 left. It appears from the PIP that Marcum finally got out of the inning.
6:31- Butler in 2nd half: 3 possessions, 3 turnovers. I've got the Brewer game on picture in picture small screen, Final Four on big screen.
6:32- VCU goes up 35-34 with 17:09 left. VCU started the first half on fire too, and Butler put them out.
6:34- By the way, "Fast Five". I purposely didn't swap to the Crew so I could watch the preview again. Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, The Rock, among others.
6:36- 33 year old Erick Almonte is making his first major league start for the Brewers since 2003, and his first EVER in the OF. Wow. Is he related to Danny Almonte? Did Danny shoot himself yet?
6:37- Back to hoops. Butler back up 36-35, 16:08 left.
6:38- Another hoop commercial. And now the Crew is also at commercial. And I had a really funny joke about Blake Griffing being Black/White/Native American/Ginger and it somehow got erased. Fuck.
6:42- Brewer game brought to you by Usinger's and Stienhafel's. No Germans in Wisconsin at all.
6:43- SKEET for three! 38-36 VCU, 14:44 left.
6:44- Skeet! And one! 41-39 VCU, 13:41 left.
6:46- 3-0 Reds Bottom of 2nd. Championship!
6:47- Brewers on big screen. Maybe Brandon Phillips just doesn't match up well with Marcum? 2nd K in 2 at bats.
6:48- Jesus Christ. Semi-difficult grounder to Weeks. Bounces one to Fielder, who should have caught it (hit him right in glove), and doesn't. 4-0 Reds. Fuck.
6:53- Butler back up 4. Skeet at the line.
6:54- I just tried to send a text to a buddy of mine named "Dan" and accidentally sent it to "Dad". Awkward. Fairly certain he doesn't know what a blog is so he's probably pretty confused.
6:55- Butler up 52-45 with 9:39 to go. Starting to get away from VCU again.
6:56- Meanwhile, Travis Wood just had a 7 pitch inning. SEVEN fucking pitches? Way to make him work Crew.
6:57- Speaking of seven. It is VCU's biggest deficit of the tournament. That is crazy. Matt Howard just picked up his 4th foul with 9:15 left.
7:02- It is strange to look into the Brewer dugout and not see Ken Macha's blank stare.
7:05- The National Championship tips at 8:23 CST. If you grow up on the East coast in the 00's or 10's, you will never get to see "One Shining Moment", and you will be missing out. That was a shout out to all of our 12 year old readers. Speaking of 12 year olds, I nearly got kicked out of my fantasy baseball league with the old guys because someone let a 12 year old join and I had an expletive laden message board post. I was promptly yelled at by everyone else. My response was of course: Fuck You. Then I got a personal email from my neighbor who yelled at me even more. I declared I am never posting again in the league. It is too fun to quit, plus I've got 20 bucks on it.
7:11- Skeet! For three! And one! 61-57 Butler, 2:32 left.
7:14- Braun hasn't given up. Beat out an infield single for the Crew's first hit. I bet he'd be even faster if he cut that gawd awful hair of his.
7:17- Butler at the line up 63-57 with 47.3 left. Probably all she wrote. Two FT's for Butler, and a VCU turnover. Ballgame. Butler in TWO STRAIGHT NCAA Championship games. Somewhere, Satan is having a good time with Brad Stevens' soul.
7:19- I'm starting to get a little sore already. Time for a short break.
7:25- Hey Oh! Erick Almonte hits an upper decker. 4-1 Reds, Top of 5.
7:26- This section is brought to you by New Glarus Back 40 Bock.
7:27- I was just informed that it has been EIGHT years to the day since Almonte's last homer. Which was also his FIRST homer.
7:32- Yikes. Steve Harvey hosts Family Fued now?
7:33- Seems like as good a time as any to tell you that I'm headed to Milwaukee next Sunday with my brother to watch FIBs get hammered on two martinis and then fight each other. Or as it is also known, our 3rd annual Brewers-Cubs trip. Aviators, popped collars underneath T-shirts, and BMWs owned by someone else will be plentiful because FIBs will be. I love/hate going to Brewer-Cubs games because Cub "fans" show up in droves because they can't tailgate or drink anything but Old Style at Wrigley, or as the t-shirt that I bought a few years back says " The World's Largest Gay Bar". In other news, I hate FIBs.
7:38- Jonny Gomes takes a chest high fastball for ball four. Schroeder "Don't know where that one missed." Classic. He will say that at least 700 more times this year. That'll be it for Marcum. 4 2/3, 4R, 3ER, career high 5 BB. Awesome.
7:40- Judge Hatchett, weekdays at 8am on WMLW. They need to stop making these shows.
7:43- This just in. At 8, my PIP will be over, unless I want to switch to "Eat, Pray, Love", which is being recorded on my DVR. I will think about it.
7:44- Back on CBS, Jimmer Fradette is accepting the player of the year award, his hair actually came to accept it in Jimmer's place.
7:45- The picture on this standard def channel is so bad that Rickie Weeks is at the plate, and between the Navy road alternate unis and the black advertisement behind the plate, I literally can not see his head as he bats.
7:47- And Carlos Gomez strikes out. I just lost a bet.
7:48- I think Russell Brand is funny. The previews for his movies always look good even though I'm pretty sure I've never actually seen one that he starred in. "Arthur" looks funny, and I'm aware it is a re-make. Perhaps I'm too young to be offended by this, because I don't believe I've ever seen the original, or if I did, it didn't resonate to me. I'm told I should be offended.
7:50- Interview with Shaka Smart. His team lost, but he doesn't have to give up his awesome name. 7:52- Sergio Mitre has a "slurvy slider". Wouldn't that make it a slider? Or at least a slurvder?
7:58- One. Two. Three for Mitre. Let me switch over to basketball to see if Four is next.
7:59- Which coach will commit the most NCAA violations during the game tonight? Calhoun or Calipari? I will take Calhoun and the points.
8:01- Prince Fielder is really good at the plate. A one-handed single up the middle on a slider down and away.
8:02- Calipari just committed an NCAA violation on Tracy Wolfson. How does someone with Wolfson's accent get her job? I mean, I know how she probably got her job, but still, she talks like fucking Snookie.
8:04- Aroldis Chapman up in the pen. I'm excited to see if he can hit 125 mph tonight.
8:05- Jay Bruce just made a ridiculous play to rob a foul ball from McGehee. Corey Hart/replacement RF-X makes that play 0 out of 100 times.
8:06- Over/Under on Ashley Judd sightings is set at 1.5. I will take the over. Cameras are panning, but haven't found her yet to my knowledge. She needs to fire her PR person. Speaking of actresses, I need to get this off my chest too. Fucking Natalie Portman has been in like 30 movies in the last year. Does she fucking sleep? What the fuck? Off the top of my head she was in: Black Swan, that bullshit romantic comedy where she fucked Ashton Kutcher, this bullshit medieval movie with Kenny Powers in it, and Thor, in the last like six months. Thor and the Kenny Powers movie open like a week apart in the next month. I'm sure there is a logical explanation, like there are two of her, or she has the power to teleport, or she is an alien or something, but it is getting scary. I half expect her to show up in the dugout of this Brewer game.
8:12- 2nd semifinal has tipped. Calhoun just slipped the ref a bennie.
8:13- I feel like Kentucky is a little more complete than UCONN. I base this on having seen each of them play about 2.5 times this season, and broad speculation.
8:17- Kemba Walker is good. 8-5 UCONN, 15:49 left.
8:18- Why are they going to commercial on Lady GaGa "Born This Way"? It makes no sense. 8:19- Fast Five!!
8:20- Still 4-1 Reds, Top of 8th. Craig Counsell is up with one on. So it is about to be 4-3. Nope.
8:23- The remainder of this, however much there may be, will be sponsored by Miller Lite and his brother Miller Lite.
8:24- Gigantic white Centers are a precious commodity. Especially ones that have a bit of game. 10-9 UK, 12:19 left.
8:25- Guy on the Miller Lite "Man up" commercial that "Worries about his hair" has the same hair as Ryan Braun. Also, Pauly D has similar hair.
8:26- Miller Lite is my only friend. 8:27- Magic Johnson is comfortable in his own skin. And he cured AIDS.
8:28- UCONN has 6 Turnovers and 5 FG attempts. That seems inefficient.
8:29- Kentucky is now 1-7 from 3. It seems like 1-100. An they were all bricks. Still up 12-11.
8:32- Top of the 9th in Cincy. Cordero on. As not great as Frankie is, I have a feeling we are going to be watching Matlock on WMLW soon.
8:33- Ooooh. Leadoff single for CarGo. Brian Anderson claims the "Boo Birds are out". I hear no such thing.
8:35- Cordero bounced a couple of splitters, and Anderson might be right. I think they want Chapman and his 132 mph fastball.
8:36- Holy shit, Phillips with an insane diving stab of a Braun liner, backhand flip. But Braun beats it out at first. One out.
8:37- Meanwhile, Kentucky apparently started running Bo Ryan's swing offense, because they haven't scored in over 4 minutes. 17-12 UCONN, 8:12 left in first half. The first game was played at a MUCH higher level.
8:38- Prince grounds softly to second, two outs.
8:39- McGehee with an RBI single. 4-2 Reds. Erick Almonte and his 2 career HRs in 8 fucking years is the "tying run". Of course 1 of those homers was tonight but still.
8:41- Jesus. Strike three (or ball 2 as the umpire called it) was right down the middle. And he swings and misses at the next pitch, 4-2 Reds final. Brewers are on pace to go 0-162. I think I'm done. Sleep tight kids.
8:56- Goddammit. I hit post, and the fucking thing eliminated all the spaces, so I just wasted 10 minutes putting them back in. You're welcome.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
T-Minus 37 Days Until Beer Thirty
37 days until the Brewers start their march towards their inevitable World Championship (It is happening. Don't argue). I'm in my spot where every year I'm a little depressed about the NFL being done, I'm not at all excited about the NBA, and College Basketball is a few weeks away from turning into an obsession. Plus, baseball is the perfect sport to scoreboard watch while you are doing taxes on a Thursday afternoon. I'm fairly certain that the afternoon early April Brewer games have prevented me from killing myself with a industrial strength stapler at least a dozen times.
Anyways, the Crew looks to be pretty solid. I want to play the game that I do every year where I check out the team on Baseball Reference and see if they are good or not based upon historical comparisons. This will mean nothing in the long run, but I'm bored. I'm going to take the most interesting name from the list of comparables at their age. And I'm not going to hyperlink all of these, because that will take a long time and I'm lazy.
Starting Staff:
Zach Greinke: Ben Sheets (!) Let's hope that the comparisons end here...
Yovani Gallardo: Kerry Wood. Ugh, seriously. Rich Harden is also on the list.
Shaun Marcum: Chris Young. Which is not at all interesting.
Randy Wolf: A.J. Burnett. So he's an overachieving dick I guess.
Chris Narveson: Nobody 've ever heard of. So I will go with Hal Brown of the 1952 Chicago White Sox just because.
Bullpen:
Manny Parra: Jorge de la Rosa. Which means he will go on to have 200 Ks for some other team next year.
Kameron Loe: Roy Face from the 1955 Pittsburgh Pirates. Just because. I think his dad's name was Richard.
Takashi Saito: Brian Shouse. Seriously? I thought this guy was supposed to be good?
Zack Braddock: Legitimately NO comparison. I think this means he will end up moving into the rotation and winning 400 games.
LaTroy Hawkins: David Weathers. Nuff said.
Sean Green: I have no idea if he will make the team. But I've heard that his contract gives him a head start: Scott Proctor.
Mike McClendon: Ditto. No comparisons, but his middle name is Melton, which is awesome.
John Axford: Also no comparison. So he's what happens when Rollie Fingers and Mariano Rivera make love.
Position Players:
Prince Fielder: Darryl Strawberry. When he leaves, I hope his career ends up the same. For now, I would settle for 35 HRs and 125 RBIs. I feel like a year ago this was Babe Ruth or Lou Gerhig or something insane.
Rickie Weeks: J.J. Hardy. I'm not making that up.
Yuniesky Betancourt: Dick Groat from the 1959 Pittsburgh Pirates. Dude won an MVP at age 29 (Yuni is 28). I've still heard he blows.
Casey McGehee: Corey Koskie. I'm just picking out former Brewers and funny names now.
Ryan Braun: Manny Ramiarez. I'll take it. Less the crazy.
Carlos Gomez: Roland Office from the 1977 Atlanta Braves. In other words? Terrible.
Corey Hart: Kirk Gibson. That is pretty interesting. And Kirk Gibson wasn't that good, but still.
Jonathan Lucroy: No comparisons. Johnny Bench crossed with Pudge Rodriguez.
George Kottaras: No comparisons. A homeless man's Mike Soscia.
Craig Counsell: Hall of Fame (Manager) Leo Durocher. Also, himself. He's played so long that he is who he is. Can't wait to see his one homer this season juuuust over the wall in right.
Chris Dickerson: No comparisons. I'll go with Tim Raines just because.
Mark Kotsay: Al Cowens from the 1985 Seattle Mariners. Not Al Cowlings (I'm A.C. dammit!). Not NBA Hall of Famer Dave Cowens. But fucking Al Cowens. We totally needed to sign him.
CONCLUSION
That took way too long and stressed me the fuck out. I guess a rotation of still good Ben Sheets, uninjured and starting Kerry Wood, not shitty A.J. Burnett wouldn't be terrible. I shouldn't have done this. I'm still excited to get drunk at Miller Park. Enjoy your week.
Anyways, the Crew looks to be pretty solid. I want to play the game that I do every year where I check out the team on Baseball Reference and see if they are good or not based upon historical comparisons. This will mean nothing in the long run, but I'm bored. I'm going to take the most interesting name from the list of comparables at their age. And I'm not going to hyperlink all of these, because that will take a long time and I'm lazy.
Starting Staff:
Zach Greinke: Ben Sheets (!) Let's hope that the comparisons end here...
Yovani Gallardo: Kerry Wood. Ugh, seriously. Rich Harden is also on the list.
Shaun Marcum: Chris Young. Which is not at all interesting.
Randy Wolf: A.J. Burnett. So he's an overachieving dick I guess.
Chris Narveson: Nobody 've ever heard of. So I will go with Hal Brown of the 1952 Chicago White Sox just because.
Bullpen:
Manny Parra: Jorge de la Rosa. Which means he will go on to have 200 Ks for some other team next year.
Kameron Loe: Roy Face from the 1955 Pittsburgh Pirates. Just because. I think his dad's name was Richard.
Takashi Saito: Brian Shouse. Seriously? I thought this guy was supposed to be good?
Zack Braddock: Legitimately NO comparison. I think this means he will end up moving into the rotation and winning 400 games.
LaTroy Hawkins: David Weathers. Nuff said.
Sean Green: I have no idea if he will make the team. But I've heard that his contract gives him a head start: Scott Proctor.
Mike McClendon: Ditto. No comparisons, but his middle name is Melton, which is awesome.
John Axford: Also no comparison. So he's what happens when Rollie Fingers and Mariano Rivera make love.
Position Players:
Prince Fielder: Darryl Strawberry. When he leaves, I hope his career ends up the same. For now, I would settle for 35 HRs and 125 RBIs. I feel like a year ago this was Babe Ruth or Lou Gerhig or something insane.
Rickie Weeks: J.J. Hardy. I'm not making that up.
Yuniesky Betancourt: Dick Groat from the 1959 Pittsburgh Pirates. Dude won an MVP at age 29 (Yuni is 28). I've still heard he blows.
Casey McGehee: Corey Koskie. I'm just picking out former Brewers and funny names now.
Ryan Braun: Manny Ramiarez. I'll take it. Less the crazy.
Carlos Gomez: Roland Office from the 1977 Atlanta Braves. In other words? Terrible.
Corey Hart: Kirk Gibson. That is pretty interesting. And Kirk Gibson wasn't that good, but still.
Jonathan Lucroy: No comparisons. Johnny Bench crossed with Pudge Rodriguez.
George Kottaras: No comparisons. A homeless man's Mike Soscia.
Craig Counsell: Hall of Fame (Manager) Leo Durocher. Also, himself. He's played so long that he is who he is. Can't wait to see his one homer this season juuuust over the wall in right.
Chris Dickerson: No comparisons. I'll go with Tim Raines just because.
Mark Kotsay: Al Cowens from the 1985 Seattle Mariners. Not Al Cowlings (I'm A.C. dammit!). Not NBA Hall of Famer Dave Cowens. But fucking Al Cowens. We totally needed to sign him.
CONCLUSION
That took way too long and stressed me the fuck out. I guess a rotation of still good Ben Sheets, uninjured and starting Kerry Wood, not shitty A.J. Burnett wouldn't be terrible. I shouldn't have done this. I'm still excited to get drunk at Miller Park. Enjoy your week.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Doug Melvin's Evil Twins on Biggest Loser?
This is pretty off-topic seeing as there is a pretty huge Packer game in a few days, but I happened across "The Biggest Loser" last night, and this was too funny. Either Doug Melvin has multiplied with himself and got really, really fat, or he is 1/3 of a set of triplets, two of which have different last names. And if it wasn't for the Biggest Loser t-shirts, I bet you couldn't tell me which one was Doug Melvin. Tell me I'm wrong.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
More Quick Brewer Thoughts
The question probably needs to be asked: Were the Brewers one pitcher (albeit a very good one) away?
A really good pitcher is nice, but the Brewers defense was really bad last year, which didn't help the pitching staff at all. I think it is a valid question.
I asked my wife this very question. Her response? "No, they're terrible." I guess we will find out.
OMFG
The hands you see above are those of Brewers owner Mark Attanasio. He and his GM Doug Melvin have decided that the window on a small market team competing is slamming shut. And Attanasio has stuck his dick in it. Completely out of the blue and/or my brother's wet dreams, the Crew has traded for Zack Greinke. (I should note that this was somehow scooped by "Bernie's Crew", which is AMAZING work.)This is a move that is a total all in moment, and one that is worth it if it gets the Crew within reach of a championship. The Crew traded starting CF Lorenzo Cain, starting SS Alicides Escobar, and top prospects Jake Odorizzi and Jeremy Jeffress for Greinke and SS Yuniesky Betancourt.
The Brewers rotation has gone from one of the most average on paper (and one of the worst in reality) in the NL last season. To one of the best. The previous addition of Shawn Marcum and now a recent Cy Young winner in Greinke puts them right up there with the San Francisco Giants as far as the rotation goes. Greinke, Gallardo, Marcum, Wolf, Narveson. If everyone stays healthy, that is NICE.
This means that it is all-in with Prince too. Now they a) don't need the pitcher they were trying to get, b) need his bat to make this worth it. Another positive of this on the Prince front is that if this doesn't work out for whatever reason, they can unload him at the trading deadline for prospects to fill the farm system that they just completely emptied. This is not the preferred scenario, but they haven't traded him yet because they were trying to get a young MLB ready pitcher for Prince, which nobody would give up. But I bet that even for a two month rental they could get prospects similar to Odorizzi (who is still a year or two away, and projects as a number 2 or 3 starter) and Jeffress (a troubled SP turned probable reliever with a big fastball). So we have options.
With Prince going, and nothing coming back for him, this also means that the best chance is probably this year. While Prince could be somewhat replaced because he is bad on defense, it is tough to replace the hitting completely. The lineup this year looks competitive on paper, even with the loss of Cain and Escobar. Lucroy is solid at C. Prince at 1B. Weeks at 2B. McGehee at 3B. The Hammer in left and Hart in RF. Those are really decent players at all of those positions. Escobar had been a disappointment at the plate, and we are replacing him with a slightly older version of him in Yuniesky Betancourt .692OPS, 1.3 WAR. While Betancourt's numbers aren't great, they are slightly better than Escobar's right now, so there isn't much of a step back there (Ecobar: .614 OPS, -.7 WAR). Maybe Escobar figures it out, but that is a risk that needs to be taken. I'm alot more worried about the Carlos Gomez experience in CF, because I hate him. But you probably aren't going to have 8 competent hitters in every lineup.
So this move is ridiculous and awesome and surprising, and completely made me forget that the Pack is going to lose by 50 and have their playoff chances ended this weekend. I may not choose the most painful method of death now!
I'm sure someone will have a little better analysis than me, and I look forward to reading it. I hope that this is the summer of '08 all over again.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Whatever Comes To Mind
Today is without a doubt, the worst day of the year in sports. There is NOTHING on. Say what you want about baseball, but at least it provides and excuse to look at your fantasy lineup. Today there is NOTHING. I'm for sure not watching the shitty ESPYs. There is nothing on TV. My DVR is blank. Maybe I can read a book? I dunno. Whatever it is isn't going to be fun. The NFL needs to be 365 days a year. And thank (Sports Bottle's) god for British Open and baseball tomorrow.
Speaking of the NFL. The stuff surrounding the Packer's financials, and the background of a separate dispute between owners scares the shit out of me. I'm fairly certain I can't survive a season (or more) without the NFL. Please get this worked out.
Charles Woodson. Defensive Player of the Year. Heisman winner. Life saver. Pretty awesome.
A lot of Corey Hart/Prince Fielder/Rickie Weeks rumors and rumblings. I've heard enough idiots talk about this in Green Bay. Here is another idiot talking about them. Let's do it bullet form, one by one shall we?
-Corey Hart: He's gotta go. The value will never be higher. Take this from a guy who has watched about every game for the last three years. He will hit .200 in August. Mark it down. If you can get anything useful (4 or 5 starter, or a high reward lower-level prospect with #2-ish potential) do it. We don't have anyone great to replace him right now, but OF are generally not that hard to find. We need help in the rotation now, but it is a little unclear if Milwaukee is truly going to contend next season by just adding an above average starter. Especially if they trade...
-Prince Fielder: It is unclear whether the Crew will trade him now or not. I think he has the most value right now, because whatever team gets him is getting him next year too (where they could trade him for value if they tank later). He's got a ton of value overall. I gotta think some team will grossly overpay for him. Also, the Crew has a less than 0% chance of keeping him beyond next year. We are basically the Toronto Raptors with Chris Bosh prior to this offseason. The Crew needs to be careful, because we need something of impact this season or next. I just don't think we can possibly afford to screw around a whole lot and end up with nothing. We have no clear replacement at 1B in the system, but 1B is not an overly difficult position to play on defense (see Prince Fielder), and any good bat will do. I've heard Braun or Gamel to 1B thrown around. Either could adequately replace Fielder's D you would think.
-Rickie Weeks: Are they offering him up? Lots of conflicting reports. On one side, I think we kind of know what we are going to get with Weeks. He is a decent hitter, with decent power, at a position that isn't generally very strong on offense. His defense is below average, and he has the incredible ability to lean into pitches. Because of the position he plays, his offense is a much bigger asset than similar numbers from Corey Hart are in RF. This is because there are very few good hitting 2B. Coincidentally, it appears we have another good bat at 2B in AA in Brett Lawrie. But he's not ready yet. At this point, I think you have to hang onto Weeks until next year at the very least unless you get blown away. The Crew isn't in rebuilding mode exactly. There are some pieces that could compete for a playoff spot at least.
Alot of what happens in the next few weeks is going to hinge on what happens with Prince. If they trade him, I don't see the playoffs next year, and at that point prospects for he and Hart make more sense than guys who are average MLB players that could contribute immediately. But maybe someone will blow us away for immediate, young contributors. It will be interesting to watch at least.
Friday, July 9, 2010
I Hate Watching Dave Bush Pitch...
..And I am lucky enough to get to "see" him tomorrow. I took the liberty of putting "see" in quotes, because I'm hoping to be seeing double by the time the first pitch is thrown. If my performance last year at this event (and I do believe this is turning into an annual event) is any indication, things are going to get sloppy. Sports Bottle is hosting the event, which coincides with his girlfriends' birthday. I just hope that her family and friends are as accepting of me as she is. I assume she wouldn't have allowed Sports Bottle to invite me if she wasn't. Especially since every time I've met her I've been pretty super drunk.
I don't want to make any promises, but I certainly am not going to rule out lobbing a few f-bombs at nearby six year olds. My modest goal is to make it to the end of the game without blacking out, and being functional enough to go to a bar afterwards. Last year? Not so much.
I will make one prediction. I don't think the birthday girl makes it back to the car after the game without vomiting. I'm throwing it out there. That is a pretty long window if we get there at 3 and don't leave until 9 or 10. There is a pretty decent chance that someone will bring a random bottle of shitty booze to do shots off of, or there will be a beer bong or shotgun or something that can make someone puke even if they aren't shitfaced. Remember Sports Bottle, it is her birthday. Be nice. And good luck with that.
So back to Bush. For some reason, he pitches in 75% of the games I go to. And his wind up makes me physically ill. That stupid pause drives me crazy. And he generally gets smashed all over the yard, except for the time I saw him pitch 8 innings of shutout ball. I predict drunken boos from Miller Park.
I don't want to make any promises, but I certainly am not going to rule out lobbing a few f-bombs at nearby six year olds. My modest goal is to make it to the end of the game without blacking out, and being functional enough to go to a bar afterwards. Last year? Not so much.
I will make one prediction. I don't think the birthday girl makes it back to the car after the game without vomiting. I'm throwing it out there. That is a pretty long window if we get there at 3 and don't leave until 9 or 10. There is a pretty decent chance that someone will bring a random bottle of shitty booze to do shots off of, or there will be a beer bong or shotgun or something that can make someone puke even if they aren't shitfaced. Remember Sports Bottle, it is her birthday. Be nice. And good luck with that.
So back to Bush. For some reason, he pitches in 75% of the games I go to. And his wind up makes me physically ill. That stupid pause drives me crazy. And he generally gets smashed all over the yard, except for the time I saw him pitch 8 innings of shutout ball. I predict drunken boos from Miller Park.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Brew Crew Hangover: Fix 'Em Edition
Now that Milwaukee has a 0.6% chance of making the playoffs (so you're saying there's a chance!) I think now would be an opportune time to start doing some shit for the future. I would say at this point, it is safe to say that the roster as currently constructed is not going to get us a world series title, and may not even get us to .500, which used to be the mark of success for the Crew. Here is what I think I would do.
1) Put Fielder on the market. He is the biggest, and maybe only realistic trade chip we have. We know we won't be able to afford him in two years, and he probably has the most value right now because anyone that trades for him gets him for a year and a half. But don't give him away. We don't need to be desperate because we've got time. If nobody wants to give us anything good, we can wait another year if need be. I think at this point, most non-idiotic fans understand that he isn't going to be around much longer. The problem is that right now, I don't see another first baseman anywhere in the Brewers system that can step in and give us any kind of production.
2) Cut Soup. He is wasting a roster spot. I think the message has been recieved that he will never start again. We've used I think 9 other starters other than him. He's been that bad. I would much rather give the roster spot to a young pitcher that deserves it.
3) Consider the Hoffman situation. This one is pretty tough. He's been awful. And I don't think he's going to turn it around. But how do you cut a hall of famer? I'm sort of hoping we can convince him to retire.
4) Start your best players. This sounds dumb, but this isn't something that is a guarantee for the Brewers. For instance, I have more confidence in both Kottaras and Lucroy than I do in Zaun. Lucroy is obviously the future. So when Zaun comes back, don't hand him the job because he's old and well paid. This is only the most glaring situation, but trading Fielder (and Hart?) would open up a few spots for some younger guys to try thier luck. And let Axford close unless you think Braddock is better, but don't give it to Hoffman.
5) Stop spraypainting Rick Peterson's uniform on him. I honestly preferred when he wore a coat in 85 degree weather. He is just offputting. Mrs. Juice says "He looks like a perv." Agreed.
One last thought: How did we get here? Five years ago, I would be thrilled not to be in last place, and now I'm bitching about not being the playoff hunt.
1) Put Fielder on the market. He is the biggest, and maybe only realistic trade chip we have. We know we won't be able to afford him in two years, and he probably has the most value right now because anyone that trades for him gets him for a year and a half. But don't give him away. We don't need to be desperate because we've got time. If nobody wants to give us anything good, we can wait another year if need be. I think at this point, most non-idiotic fans understand that he isn't going to be around much longer. The problem is that right now, I don't see another first baseman anywhere in the Brewers system that can step in and give us any kind of production.
2) Cut Soup. He is wasting a roster spot. I think the message has been recieved that he will never start again. We've used I think 9 other starters other than him. He's been that bad. I would much rather give the roster spot to a young pitcher that deserves it.
3) Consider the Hoffman situation. This one is pretty tough. He's been awful. And I don't think he's going to turn it around. But how do you cut a hall of famer? I'm sort of hoping we can convince him to retire.
4) Start your best players. This sounds dumb, but this isn't something that is a guarantee for the Brewers. For instance, I have more confidence in both Kottaras and Lucroy than I do in Zaun. Lucroy is obviously the future. So when Zaun comes back, don't hand him the job because he's old and well paid. This is only the most glaring situation, but trading Fielder (and Hart?) would open up a few spots for some younger guys to try thier luck. And let Axford close unless you think Braddock is better, but don't give it to Hoffman.
5) Stop spraypainting Rick Peterson's uniform on him. I honestly preferred when he wore a coat in 85 degree weather. He is just offputting. Mrs. Juice says "He looks like a perv." Agreed.
One last thought: How did we get here? Five years ago, I would be thrilled not to be in last place, and now I'm bitching about not being the playoff hunt.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Border Battle: Baseball Style
So. I guess I am going to a "baseball game" this weekend. Possibly (but highly unlikely unless Twinkies wife pays for the tickets, and she won't be there on Saturday) two. There is also a series of said games taking place this weekend. One team is a team that is named after a birth defect. The other used to be a baseball team, but now is some kind of traveling band of misfits that cause blindness and make you want to kill yourself. Yes, it is the Twinkies v. Brewers. How will the Crew do? Well, lets look at the pitching matchups: Friday Bush v.. Fuck it, I'm not even going to bother. If we win one I would be SHOCKED. A few more bullet points of what is going to happen:
- I'm going to drive 5 hours to go to a state that I may hate more than any other state.
- I'm going to drink too much.
- Richard and my wife will drink too much too.
- Richards "friend" is going to hate me.
- I will either see the last Macha game, or one of the first Randolph/Svuem games.
- The Crew will run Jody Gerut out there to DH. He will go 1 for 12, hit into 2 double plays, and strike out 4 times.
- Hoffman will pitch a game, but in the 6th inning. And he will not give up a run.
- I will be stared at in horror by a bunch of Minnesotans that think they know how to drink, yet the fact that they live on the other side of a river has somehow precluded them from being able to even fathom drinking as much as Wisconsinites.
- There will be numerous Brewer fan/Twin fan fights around bar time
Monday, May 17, 2010
Brew Crew (and Other) Hangover
BREW CREW HANGOVER
They might never win another game. At least they are playing on the road this weekend, when I will be there. They have a puncher's chance on the road. At home, they can't do anything right lately. It is becoming borderline painful to watch. Schizophrenic as always. At least they didn't replace Doug Davis with Soup, which shows you how ridiculous it was that he was ever starting in the first place. But if you've got a guy who is only the 8th (assuming Villa is done starting) best starter on your team wasting space in the bullpen, why is he still here at all? Best to Doug Davis. The Brewers seem cursed this year. That Brewer-Cub game in September is looking better and better.
OTHER HANGOVER
My (Sports Bottle's) god. It is painful to type right now. I'm in BAD shape. This is in the top 3 worst second day hangovers I've ever had. And I can't really give you a good reason why. Everything went sort of as planned this weekend. I got really, really drunk on Friday. I wandered away about midnight and got yelled at (probably deservedly so). I blacked out and forgot how I got back to Schmock's house.
Saturday, I woke up with a hangover, killed it with an Excedrin and a screwdriver, and proceeded to get super ass drunk. I had a nice mixture of beer/caffinated mixed drinks, and somehow (I think, I'll be honest when I say I don't remember) stayed away from vodka/cranberry. Spent somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 straight hours at Pack R Place bar, ate a huge greasy burger, a brat and a chicken sandwich. Told a bunch of inappropriate jokes. Good times were had. Then we went to Schmock's parents, and things are a total blur. The only things I remember from the two hours or so we spent there were as follows: I was introduced to Code Red and Vodka, I ate a piece of pizza, we tried to set up my wife's perpetually single friend with another of our perpetually single friends via text message when said girl wasn't there and had never met the guy who was standing there with a three fingered chew in his cheek. I have no clue how much I drank in those two hours. Then we went back to the bar, where the only thing I know for sure is that I had at least one shot. At some point, we walked three miles (or one) back to Schmock's house. I think I immediately passed out.
And then....I puked. Alot, and without warning. I shouldn't say no warning. I had enough warning to get most of it in the toilet. Then I puked again. This time, I almost didn't make it to the bathroom, but thankfully I did. I have no clue what prompted the vomit. It has been awhile. I didn't miss it. Oh, and I blew all the blood vessels in my face and my eyes are yellow, so I look really, really bad. I got all sorts of stares and comments at work, but nobody came right out and said "What the fuck happened to your face?" Although I know they wanted to. Somehow I didn't fall asleep at my desk, or wind up in a ditch on the way home.
Did I mention that I'm doing this again (less one day) on Saturday night? It is a good thing the bars in Minneapolis close at like 10:45. On a scale of one to ten on levels of excitement, with 10 being most excited. I'm a negative 3. And it is only that high because I haven't seen Richard's sweet, sweet ass in like 6 months. But I've got to do what I've got to do. You are only sort of young once. And at some point I'm sure some kid will come along and ruin the opportunity to be completely retarded. And I've got a contract with Richard signed in blood to get blacked out every time I see him. So there is that.
They might never win another game. At least they are playing on the road this weekend, when I will be there. They have a puncher's chance on the road. At home, they can't do anything right lately. It is becoming borderline painful to watch. Schizophrenic as always. At least they didn't replace Doug Davis with Soup, which shows you how ridiculous it was that he was ever starting in the first place. But if you've got a guy who is only the 8th (assuming Villa is done starting) best starter on your team wasting space in the bullpen, why is he still here at all? Best to Doug Davis. The Brewers seem cursed this year. That Brewer-Cub game in September is looking better and better.
OTHER HANGOVER
My (Sports Bottle's) god. It is painful to type right now. I'm in BAD shape. This is in the top 3 worst second day hangovers I've ever had. And I can't really give you a good reason why. Everything went sort of as planned this weekend. I got really, really drunk on Friday. I wandered away about midnight and got yelled at (probably deservedly so). I blacked out and forgot how I got back to Schmock's house.
Saturday, I woke up with a hangover, killed it with an Excedrin and a screwdriver, and proceeded to get super ass drunk. I had a nice mixture of beer/caffinated mixed drinks, and somehow (I think, I'll be honest when I say I don't remember) stayed away from vodka/cranberry. Spent somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 straight hours at Pack R Place bar, ate a huge greasy burger, a brat and a chicken sandwich. Told a bunch of inappropriate jokes. Good times were had. Then we went to Schmock's parents, and things are a total blur. The only things I remember from the two hours or so we spent there were as follows: I was introduced to Code Red and Vodka, I ate a piece of pizza, we tried to set up my wife's perpetually single friend with another of our perpetually single friends via text message when said girl wasn't there and had never met the guy who was standing there with a three fingered chew in his cheek. I have no clue how much I drank in those two hours. Then we went back to the bar, where the only thing I know for sure is that I had at least one shot. At some point, we walked three miles (or one) back to Schmock's house. I think I immediately passed out.
And then....I puked. Alot, and without warning. I shouldn't say no warning. I had enough warning to get most of it in the toilet. Then I puked again. This time, I almost didn't make it to the bathroom, but thankfully I did. I have no clue what prompted the vomit. It has been awhile. I didn't miss it. Oh, and I blew all the blood vessels in my face and my eyes are yellow, so I look really, really bad. I got all sorts of stares and comments at work, but nobody came right out and said "What the fuck happened to your face?" Although I know they wanted to. Somehow I didn't fall asleep at my desk, or wind up in a ditch on the way home.
Did I mention that I'm doing this again (less one day) on Saturday night? It is a good thing the bars in Minneapolis close at like 10:45. On a scale of one to ten on levels of excitement, with 10 being most excited. I'm a negative 3. And it is only that high because I haven't seen Richard's sweet, sweet ass in like 6 months. But I've got to do what I've got to do. You are only sort of young once. And at some point I'm sure some kid will come along and ruin the opportunity to be completely retarded. And I've got a contract with Richard signed in blood to get blacked out every time I see him. So there is that.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
FNL Spoiler and Jody Gerut
First off, it had been so long since Friday Night Lights had been on TV, that I completely forgot what was happening. FNL went ahead and picked another sports movie cliche (after the Star QB gets paralyzed, racism, steroid use) by re-starting a dormant football program in the same city called "East Dillon" and making them into a rag tag bunch of losers, who, inevitably, are going to beat the rich/talented/evil doing Dillon Panthers. I rolled my eyes when I saw Coach Taylor's new team go out in mismatching jerseys on a dirt field, with only 18 players (one of which is the classic wrong side of the tracks, never played football, but can run a 4.2 40 from the police). But you know what? They pulled it off. It was a solid first episode. Plus they added another jailbait high school chick whose drunk/whore mother banged Riggins, and who has replaced Tyra. If you haven't seen the show, go rent the first two seasons, and start DVRing the new one. It is a great fucking show. Also, be aware that I've clearly been tricked into watching a teeney-drama/soap opera, because they threw in a bunch of football stuff and pretty colors.
JODY GERUT
What? Look, I never thought Jody Gerut was terrible per se. More, not very good. And then he hit for the cycle. Of course, I missed it. Does anyone know if Jody is the first person with a female name to hit for the cycle? I demand answers.
And the Crew is all set to go ahead and get shut out today because they scored 17 runs again last night. Can we trade for Bill Hall today just so he can hit a homer with his pink bat?
Are the Crew approaching some kind of record? That is 17 or more runs for the THIRD time already. If we could just get like 6 runs a game, we would be really, really good.
THE WEEK AHEAD
Drinking season officially kicks off on Friday, May 14th, with Syttnde Mai. More to come.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Will Ferrell and the Nashville Sounds
Apparently Mr Ferrell made a guest appearance at a Nashville Sounds game the other night. Here's a video of his shenanigans. I'm a fan.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Three Quotes for Bucks/Hawks (Which Is now outdated) and Some Other Stuff
(ED NOTE: I started writing this on Wednesday. Obviously it is now totally outdated, but could apply to a game 7 win. Also, Salmons just bricked another jumper.)
To summarize the rather shocking win by the Bucks over Hawks last night, here are three quotes that I received via Blackberry Message from my wise younger brother (and I'm paraphrasing):
1) "The Hawks should be fucking embarrassed. They have no excuse.": This is true. On paper, the Hawks should have swept the Bucks. They have the three best players in the series. The Bucks might have one all-star caliber player. The talent difference is monumental. The Hawks just don't seem to care.
2) "Scott Skiles is the best coach the Bucks ever had.": What he has done the last week has been nothing short of amazing. This collection of cast-offs and corpses has no business even being in the playoffs, much less being on the verge of winning a series. What is going to happen when Hammond's plan comes to fruition in 2011 and he has some actual talent to work with? Basketball (at least this week) appears to be back in Milwaukee, and it is thanks to Skiles getting the most out of the best Hammonds could do. Lets just hope he doesn't wear out his welcome.
3) "Fuck the Hawks": Agreed. Josh Smith is a prick.
OTHER THINGS
-The Brewers are not playing well. At all.
-Beer Review: "Moon Man No Coast Pale Ale" by New Glarus. Pretty fucking good.
To summarize the rather shocking win by the Bucks over Hawks last night, here are three quotes that I received via Blackberry Message from my wise younger brother (and I'm paraphrasing):
1) "The Hawks should be fucking embarrassed. They have no excuse.": This is true. On paper, the Hawks should have swept the Bucks. They have the three best players in the series. The Bucks might have one all-star caliber player. The talent difference is monumental. The Hawks just don't seem to care.
2) "Scott Skiles is the best coach the Bucks ever had.": What he has done the last week has been nothing short of amazing. This collection of cast-offs and corpses has no business even being in the playoffs, much less being on the verge of winning a series. What is going to happen when Hammond's plan comes to fruition in 2011 and he has some actual talent to work with? Basketball (at least this week) appears to be back in Milwaukee, and it is thanks to Skiles getting the most out of the best Hammonds could do. Lets just hope he doesn't wear out his welcome.
3) "Fuck the Hawks": Agreed. Josh Smith is a prick.
OTHER THINGS
-The Brewers are not playing well. At all.
-Beer Review: "Moon Man No Coast Pale Ale" by New Glarus. Pretty fucking good.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Can't You Smell That Smell?
Oooohh that smell...Can't you smell that smell? Ooooh that smell. The smell of death surrounds yooooou!-- Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Actually, that smell is burning human flesh. Because Trevor Hoffman exited the bullpen on consecutive days and did his best gas can routine. And burned down Miller Park twice. Either that or it is Hoffman's rotting carcass. Either way.
I'm in full on panic mode. Am I overreacting? I dunno. Did I overreact to Gagne a few years back? How about Turnbow? I have a sneaking suspicion he is done.
Could he turn it around? Sure. I would be willing to bet he has gone through stretches like this before, in his 73 year career. But he wasn't 163 years old when he went through them. Sometimes, you just can't do it anymore.
The solution? I think we start with giving him "some time off" away from the closer role, to see if he can get anyone out in the 6th or 7th. If he can, then I have no problem putting him back in the 9th. But at this point, he may have already cost us a playoff spot (assuming we periodically don't just forget to hit, and assuming Soup doesn't magically "earn" his spot back). Give someone else a shot.
The reality? Macha will not let anyone else close unless Melvin puts Hoffman on the DL with some type of mysterious ailment. Macha is extremely old school, and treats veterans with WAY too much respect at times. I just can't fathom how much worse it can get. I mean, say what you want about Turnbow, at least he had a high 90s fastball (although he rarely got it over the plate). Hoffman hardly even throws his change, and when he does it is not a strike. Then he grooves a 82 mph fastball over the middle of the plate, and it lands 450 feet away.
Just not happy at all.
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