Monday, November 9, 2009

More B#*ching

You wanna know what pisses me off even more than the fact that our team is a mess? Try reading the comments below this ProFootballTalk.com review of the game. Are people fucking serious? What the fuck does He Who Shall Not Be Named have to do with this??!?!?!!? Jesus Fucking Christ. Get the fuck over it.

Anyone who thinks we win that game (or any game for that matter, really) with a He Who Shall Not Be Named instead of Rodgers, is a fucking idiot. Does He possess some magic ability to disappear, or levitate and fly over the top of the three defenders running free at the QB?

Could we be a little better with Him? Today, maybe. Was it worth mortgaging the next 10 to 15 years to stroke His ego? NO. So fucking get your goddamn Viking fan asses off of our fucking bandwagon you pieces of shit! And don't come back! Would we be better with 1989 Joe Montana? How about 2006 Tom Brady? Really, Really, Really fucking bothers me.

You want to blame Thompson for the questionable talent and depth on most of the roster at most positions, I'm there. But QB is NOT even close to our biggest problem. Looking forward to the $10 tickets to next week's game, since obviously there is a large contingent of morons that will be giving up thier season tickets because the guy who was the highest rated QB IN THE WHOLE FUCKING NFL, had one terrible game, and wasn't wearing a number 4. /end rant

The Wedding: A review

There is an outside chance that I have a .09 BAC right now. I haven't had a drink in approximately 34 hours. That is how much I had to drink on Saturday. As is typically the case with a function that involves anyone from the greater-Madison area, I was drunk when I woke up yesterday. My wife and I tag teamed the drive home because neither could stay awake with any real success. My liver had a cigarette while I was in the shower this morning. He is unhappy with the decisions I made. From my vague recollection, here are some of those decisions:

1) Drinking about a bottle of champagne on the bus.
2) Drinking two scotch ales at Great Dane
3) Drinking a whole bottle of wine at the reception
4) Drinking about 30 Spotted Cows
5) Drinking about 10 shots
6) Somehow navigating myself across Hwy 151 (6 lanes) after the reception in efforts to find a bar to close.
7) Giving up when Richard was clearly incapable of reading the GPS on his iPhone (somehow I recall it telling us we were "inside a bar" when clearly we were not), and going to Denny's instead.
8) Eating a "Grandslamwich" at Denny's
9) All sorts of other drunken asshattery that I don't remember.

Yesterday was the longest day of my life. Great time at the wedding. Seriously, nobody is allowed to get married for like 2 more years so I can recover. I'm never drinking again. I'm going to go puke now.

The End?

I was actually going to try to get some work done this morning, but I am fighting hangover day 2 (more on that later), and I just got angry about the Packers after some conversations with co-workers, so I've got to get it off my chest.

Thankfully, I was in such rough shape yesterday during the game that I had a hard time mustering up the energy to get angry. I was just trying to stay alive.

PROBLEM: The special teams is an abortion. We cannot go on like this any longer. How many more times are we going to give the other team the ball at the Packers 30 yard line? Can we figure something else out here? I'm to the point where I would advocate just kicking it directly out of bounds and giving the other team the ball at the 40, because it would save us 30 yards of field position. And is it really that hard to TOUCH someone coming right up the middle on a punt? That was inexcusable. If a guy comes on the outside, so be it. So fucking frustrating.

ANSWER: I've really got none. We supposedly kept 14 FBs so they could play special teams. We also grossly overpaid Jarrett Bush because he was allegedly our best special teams player. But obviously whatever or whoever is supposed to be covering can't do it. Special teams has been a comedy of errors all year. Blocking and tackling would be a start.

PROBLEM: The O-line. I guess Tauscher was the answer to the problems that plagued us. Through my near death experience, I'm pretty sure Rodgers didn't get touched when Tauscher was in there. Then Tauscher "re-injured his knee" even though I never saw him get hurt. (Maybe it was walking to the locker room?). And Barbre played bull fighter again and Rodger got sacked 6 times. I mean, the O-line is historically bad. 37 sacks in 8 games. The all-time Packer record is 61. Rodgers is going to die.

ANSWER: Attach a healthy knee to Tauscher? Get someone off the street to replace Barbre? I mean, it was like the Bucs got replaced by the '85 Bears at halftime. I'm sure we don't have anyone better than Barbre, but could anyone be any WORSE?

PROBLEM: Penalties. They are bordering on insane.

ANSWER: Don't commit penalties. I've got nothing.

PROBLEM: Lack of pressure on the opposing QB.

ANSWER: I don't think we have the personnel that is capable of blitzing. We NEVER don't get blocked. Maybe the solution is not to blitz? It is a damned if you do, damned if you don't thing. Our linebackers are not good in coverage either. And the d-line can't get any pressure.

PROBLEM: Rodgers taking too many sacks.

ANSWER: I don't think there is a solution here either. He holds it because he's trying to make a play. He's just wired that way, just as He Who Shall Not Be Named was wire to throw it into triple coverage. I think Rodgers needs to take off an run more.

IN SUMMARY: We are fucked. Could we finish 4-12? Probably not, because we play the Lions. But I would say it is alot more likely than 12-4. Realistically, we should be favored against Detroit, Seattle and San Fran the rest of the year. I don't see any way we beat Dallas, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Arizona or Chicago. The chances of the playoffs are not good at all. I don't see much of a silver lining to losing to a bad 0-7 team with a rookie QB making his first NFL start.

And say we do go 7-9. What happens then? What happens when a team with Super Bowl expectations (albeit maybe overhyped) finishes third in their division and below .500? Heads have to roll, and I am sick of the same shit. Who goes? I predict McCarthy probably does, because the GM always gets two coaches. But the startling lack of playmakers and depth is making me doubt the TT way. In theory, I like his philosophy. But if it doesn't work, and I'm not sure it is, at what point do we have to give up? When do his failures outweigh the positives (and certainly there are some) to the point that we have to start over?

I'm sure things aren't as bad as they feel, and I'm overreacting to an awful performance. But is 4-4, with the schedule they have played, any reason to celebrate? I think not.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Crew swaps Hardy for Chuck Gomez

Wow, so apparently we won't be trading JJ Hardy for pitching, we'll be swapping him for salary relief. Hardy was just traded, straight up for Carlos Gomez of the Twins.

With this move, we get rid of Hardy's 4.56 million and will more than likely(read 99.9%) not re sign Cameron who would be due to make around 10 million. Gomez makes around a half million so we're basically dropping 14 million dollars in our salary for this year, I'm assuming that means we'll be adding an arm through free agency.

Big big early move, I am a bit amazed, not sure how to react to this. Our overall team speed just increased by about 37%

C-c-c-c-c-c-CAT FIGHT!!

I mean WOW. Anyone think soccer is still for "lawn fairies"? If that chick isn't suspended for life, then I don't even know what to say. I've watched this roughly 1,000 times and still love it.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Preview of Schmock's Funeral and Fake Gambling Advice

First, the picks:

Last week plus Vegas: 9-7
Season: 50-42
All-Time: 184-168-2

Atl (-10), GB (-9.5), Mia (+10.5), Jax (-6.5), Hou (+9), Cin (+3), Ari (+3), NO (-13.5), Sea (-10), NYG (-4.5), SF (-4), Phi (-3), Den (+3)

THE DEATH OF A FRIEND:

If not at the wedding this weekend, please pour some out for our fallen comrade. This is nothing personal against his fiance, who is a lovely woman, but it just is what it is.

I'll be heading off to the various Madison suburbs around noon on Friday so that I can learn how to show people where to sit, eat some free food, and sleep in a strange bed. I hope someone besides me is staying the hotel Friday night so I have an excuse to be hung over for the wedding. My guess is going to be not, since everyone else in the wedding either lives near Madison, or has a free room at their parent's house somewhere.

Regardless of Friday, I am going to get fucking shitfaced on Saturday. And that is a promise. Not that it should be any real surprise. My prediction is that the highlight will be Richard passed out with his head between the elevator doors, and it constantly trying to shut on it, but reopening each time it hits his head. Going to be great. Also, if this hotel is the one I think it is, I believe it is within walking distance of Margaritaville, which is going to sound like a fantastic plan at midnight when the wedding is done. I look forward to vomiting tequila. (ED. NOTE: Wrong hotel. No Margaritaville. My mistake. I will have to settle for vomiting beer.)

BADGERS

Schmock was selfish enough to schedule his wedding on a Badger game day, but good enough to schedule it on a game when the Badgers played Indiana, which may or may not be a real team. Badgers 41, Hoosiers 10.

PACKERS

Same thing. It is going to be a "game time decision" on whether I go dark until I get home and watch the game on TV, or listen to Wayne Larivee on the radio. I suppose it is possible we would be home by noon, but obviously that is no guarantee. In other news, if the Packers don't win Sunday, I think it would be safe to say that a deposit on playoff tickets won't be necessary. The Bucs are fucking 1979 terrible. Something named Josh Freeman will be making his first NFL start. Packers 41, Bucs 10.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Stream of Consciousness

Soda Review: Diet Mountain Dew Ultra Violet.

I started drinking diet soda when I went on my diet awhile back. I still don't love diet soda, but it has caffeine, so I get over it. However, Diet Mountain Dew Ultra Violet is made of some crack-like substance that makes it taste fucking fantastic. My office randomly bought a 12-pack (employee benefits! It totally makes up for making half of what I'm worth in the open (non-recessed) market!). As a bonus, if you pour it in a glass it looks like you are drinking "Sizzurp" or "Purple Drank". (one of the more in-depth Wikipedia entries ever, and since it is on Wikipedia, it has to be true!) Keep Johnny Jolly clear! In fact, if I was in my younger days, and Purple Drank had been invented, I would have dumped out the Ultra Violet, replaced it with Purple Drank, and went to a school dance!

In conclusion, this shit is great, and will be taken off the market because I'm the only one that ever consumed it.

Viqueen Fans Suck

I mean seriously. Why are you even in the league anymore? I can't wait until we play the L.A. Vikings twice a year. You don't deserve a team. Also, enjoy those jerseys that will be obsolete next year. You are an embarrassment.

Random Bullet Points

- I watched about 4 minutes of the Bucks/Bulls last night. Shut it off with the Bucks up 16. They lost. I like Brandon Jennings.

-Go Phillies tonight. I like Pedro alot. Can never get enough of the "Who is Karim Garcia?" audio.

-Beer Review: New Glarus Yokel. Meh. It could've been Lienie's Original or some other swill. I wasn't real impressed. It wasn't gross, but I wouldn't rush out and get one. Definitely at least a notch below Organic Revolution.

-Badger Game Impression: A lot of my opinion probably has to do with the three following truths: 1) The game sucked. It was excitingfor about 10 minutes. College games tend to get out of hand quickly. And the crowd was pretty quiet because the game was over early. 2) I don't know what the cool thing to do before a Badger game is, so we sort of just wandered around and had like 2 drinks. 3) It was fucking cold.

Overall, I would definitely go back, but I think I want to go with someone that knows what they are doing. I also would want to stay down there and get all fucked up. The price was right (we paid $40 for two tickets in the lower section on about the goal line). I will hold off judgment until I get a chance to "do it right", but at this point, Lambeau has a lot more to offer me.

-I nearly convinced my wife to stay in Madison to watch the hockey game that night, but couldn't quite pull it off.

-Nice to be able to watch SportsCenter again. Thank (SportsBottle's) god for the 48 hour news cycle.

-Starting to get geared up for Schmock's wedding Saturday.

-Creighton opens up their exhibition schedule tonight against something called Missouri Western State. I might check it out. I miss T. Scott. I think UW plays tonight too, but those fascists want you to pay for the audio online, and I'm not listening on a clock radio. Maybe it will be on the BigTen Network? I'll have to check it out. College basketball rules. I would totally set the T-3000 up to do a ranking if there weren't 7,000 teams. As always, look for the non-biased rankings at the Basketball State.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Road To The Get Together Top 32: Week 9

I know what you guys are thinking. The T-3000 must be broken. There is no fucking way Iowa is better than Alabama. They almost lost to Indiana. You are probably right. But, the T-3000 doesn't consider style points. If it did, then every time Florida beat a I-AA team by 60, they would automatically be number one. But this is a dream world, and NOT reality. Reality, as you all know full well, bites. The BCS has already decided (with 3, 4 or 5 games left) that if Florida/Alabama and Texas win out, they are going to play for the championship. THAT my friends, is fucking bullshit. Juice's Dream NCAA Division I Football Get Together presented by K.Y. is going to be epic.

One interesting note, the T-3000 has had a few I-AA teams floating around the bottom of the rankings this year due to wins over division I teams earlier in the season. And you know what? Richmond got a vote in the AP this week. I'm just sayin' it isn't all that retarded.

Rank,Team, Record, Last, BCS
(1) Iowa (9-0) (2) 4
(2) Alabama (8-0) (1) 3
(3) Texas (8-0) (6) 2
(4) Georgia Tech (8-1) (4) 10
(5) Florida (8-0) (5) 1
(6) Cincinnati (8-0) (8) 5
(7) TCU (8-0) (3) 6
(8) Oregon (7-1) (10) 8
(9) Boise St (8-0) (7) 7
(10) LSU (7-1) (12) 9
(11) USC (6-2) (9) 12
(12) Penn St (8-1) (19) 11
(13) Houston (7-1) (15) 15
(14) Utah (7-1) (16) 14
(15) Miami (6-2) (22) 17
(16) BYU (6-2) (13) NR
(17) Pitt (7-1) (14) 13
(18) Ohio St (7-2) (20) 16
(19) Central Michigan (7-2) (11) NR
(20) Idaho (7-2) (21) NR
(21) South Florida (6-2) (26) 25
(22) Richmond (8-0) (23) NR
(23) Cal (6-2) (30) 20
(24) Notre Dame (6-2) (29) 22
(25) Troy (6-2) (28) NR
(26) South Carolina (6-3) (17) NR
(27) Oklahoma St. (6-2) (24) 19
(28) Temple (6-2) NR NR
(29) Virginia Tech (5-3) (18) 23
(30) William & Mary (7-1) NR NR
(31) East Carolina* (5-3) NR NR
(32) Nevada* (5-3) (32) NR

*= projected autobids

I thought this was kind of funny

I was digging around in webmaster tools and found a list of words most commonly used when googlebot crawls our website

Here's the top 10:

1. sports
2. shit
3. sucks
4. people
5. new
6. fuck
7. college
8. nfl
9. shitty
10. baseball

Pretty much sums up the last year and a half of Packers/Brewers sports

Monday, November 2, 2009

Brings a Tear to My Eye

This is one of the better posts I've ever read that wasn't written by me. I might print this out and pass it out in my office.