Immediately following the Some-Star Game last night, the Brewers acquired Francisco Rodriguez and cash in a trade for 2 players to be named later. Let's break this down a little bit shall we?
First of all, let's talk about the pieces.
KRod may not be in the prime of his career, but he is still a good reliever and will be an upgrade to our current bullpen, the biggest question is whether he is actually comfortable with coming in to a set up role. Sometimes closers, especially ones who are put there unwillingly, have issues with moving to that 8th inning slot. His contract is quite large, but the Mets ate 5 million of it in the trade and he has around another 5 million left for the rest of the year, so that will be a wash for this year and they will be able to buy out his contract at the end of the year for 3.5 million. There is a vesting clause for next year that I will talk about more in depth later.
The Brewers are sending over 2 players to be named at a later date. These are always fun guessing games for commenters and bloggers trying to speculate who might be available. Apparently the list is of 5 players and according to comments by Doug Melvin, none of those players would be considered top prospects in our farm system. It has also been said that the quality of these players will somewhat depend on how well Rodriquez performs for the remainder of the year. Hopefully that means the Mets were just looking to dump KRod's contract and didn't really care who they got back, they just wanted some bodies.
KRod just recently switched his agent to Scott Boras, on Monday in fact. With this switch came these immediate comments from Boras; “Francisco Rodriguez is a historic closer, he's not going anywhere to be a setup man.” and “Closers don't make good setup men. Does anyone want an unhappy setup man in their clubhouse?” Now one could read those comments and nod along and say, damn, KRod's gonna blow up in Milwaukee. But I'll take a different approach and it involves the little vested option for next year.
In KRod's contract, it states that if he finishes(not necessarily saves) 55 games this year, he will be vested for the next year at a salary of around 17 and a half million dollars. He has currently finished 34 games, so 21 to go. That will not happen. There is no way the Brewers will be saddled with that kind of money next for Francisco Rodriguez. This couldn't be happier news for Scott Boras and there's a reason KRod was sent to a team like the Brewers. You see, those quotes were made on Monday before this trade and after the announcement that Boras would be his agent, he knew the Mets wanted off the hook for that almost 18 million dollar vesting and that there was a very real chance they took him off his 9th inning duties if they couldn't move him. This was a hedge move by Boras, he would publicly remind the Mets that if they did decide to go this route, he could and would tell his client to shit the bed right then and there. Everyone else in the league would become blatantly aware of why KRod performed so poorly and it was because the Mets just screwed him out of 18 million. What does Boras have to gain from getting KRod out of that vesting? Well that's pretty obvious, Boras didn't negotiate this contract so he won't see a dime of the money and Scott Boras is not a man that works hard to get someone else paid.
For this reason alone, I think you will see a very happy and a very cooperative Francisco Rodriguez coming into the 8th inning and pitching as well as he can for the Brewers. A good showing will remind clubs next year that he can still close and that he is still under 30 and deserves a big 5 year contract. This will of course be a foolish contract. Rodriguez being the set up man for the remainder of the year also plays right into Boras' hands and you can bet this trade has made him very happy.
I like this trade for the Brewers, it's very little risk long term even if it is more of a psychological gain than an actual performance boost to our bullpen. We've made the first move in the NL Central and now the eyes will be on the Cardinals, Red and Pirates to match or shuffle forward.
Now we just need a new shortstop, wonder what JJ Hardy's doing in Baltimore?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
State of the Brewers
Now is as good a time as any to give you my mid-season summary of the Milwaukee Brewers. I'm going to try to break it down an organized fashion. See Baseball Reference and Fan Graphs for all the stats. (Ed. Note: I wrote half of this a few days earlier, so some of the stats are a few days outdated.)
OVERALL: The team currently sits at 47-42, tied with the St. Louis Cardinals. The team has struggled as of late, losing 7 of 10, including blowing back-to-back five run leads. If you check out Baseball Reference's expanded standings, it is interesting to note that they are better record-wise, than they have actually played (BR has them at 45-44, 2 games behind Cincinnati and St. Louis). Based on my preseason, overly simplified expectations, I have the Crew 4 games behind the imaginary, playoff bound Brewers. I'm getting a little worried because of the way they have been losing. But, if you told me they would be tied for first 99 games in, I would take it. Baseball is just a frustrating game.
1B: Prince rates as the 9th best player in the NL based on WAR, and 2nd best 1st basemen (behind Votto). No problems here. He's been great. Defensively, he is still below replacement, but he is a beast at the plate.
2B: Weeks is the 18th best player in the NL and the best 2nd baseman. Can't argue with that. Even though it feels like he has improved his defense, he is actually WORSE than Fielder defensively based on his position, which is a little surprising.
SS: Yuni is fucking terrible. He is a -.4 WAR, which means he is WORSE than someone that you could walk onto any AAA team to get. He is fucking terrible on defense, where he is on pace to COST the Brewers 17 runs due to his defense this year (for comparison sake, Hart is predicted to SAVE 8 runs, and nobody would accuse him of being good). Batting wise, his OPS is .612 (league average is .703), and his OPS+ is 67 (100 is typically considered average, and adjusts his OPS number for ballpark factors). The bottom line is that he is fucking terrible in every aspect of the game. To top it off Roenicke has hit him FIFTH two recent games. If the Crew doesn't play someone else at SS for at least 1/2 of the rest of their games, they cannot possibly make the playoffs without being damn near perfect everywhere else. The solution is really not on the roster I don't think. Josh Wilson has been better than anyone else, but I think that is probably due to a small sample size than anything. However, as bad as Yuni has been, I can't imagine it would be too costly to get someone better. Even if that someone isn't great himself.
3B: McGehee has been worse than Yuni if that is even possible. The only reason it is hard to give up on him is because he had never been this bad before (whereas Yuni has always been bad). But this can't continue. Statistically he is arguably FAR worse than Yuni. Again, Wilson has been decent, but not decent enough to play both 3B and SS at the same time, and he probably isn't a starter. We need to get a 3B too probably. (Ed. Note: He hit a game winning, pinch hit 3 run homer two days ago. He still sucks).
LF: Braun is the 3rd best player in the NL (Behind Matt Kemp and Andrew McCutheon, again based on Wins Above Replacement). He is a stud. Interestingly, he is above replacement defensively, but I don't think WAR is a great indicator of defense especially in the outfield. I'm in love with him in a probably not sexual way.
CF: The Gomez/Plush combo is awesome to watch. Probably the two most exciting players to watch on the team, because you have no idea what is going to happen at any given moment. Gomez may overrun 3rd on the triple and break his neck falling into the dugout, or jump over the CF wall to make a catch. Plush may hit 5 triples (Plushdamentals!), or murder the home plate umpire. Offensively, there is no contest here. Plush has been nothing short of great offensively, while Gomez is nothing short of terrible. Defensively, Gomez has been spectacular. His defense is so good, that he nearly makes up for how bad he is offensively. For that reason, I don't have a huge problem with a 70/30 or so split (with Plush given the nod where there is a question). If I had to have one it would be Plush, but Gomez is a guy that can play some.
RF: Hart has been serviceable. It doesn't feel like he's been serviceable, because of how good he is when he is good, and because it looks like he's drunk and not trying when he plays bad.
C: Lucroy has struggled defensively, but he's been slightly above average offensively. For a catcher, I actually have some confidence in him when he bats, which is saying a lot. Also, banged Randy Wolf's wife.
Bench: Josh Wilson is the only bench player that adds anything to this team. Kottaras is a back-up catcher not named Wil Nieves, so he gets a pass, and occasionally runs into one, so he stays. Gamel has nothing else to do in the minors, and has gotten no legitimate shot yet, so he stays too. If you want to use a roster spot for a defensive replacement not named Carlos Gomez, Counsell has some value, but he should never face a major league pitcher again. Kotsay is simply awful in every aspect, and has obviously blackmailed Roenicke into his absurd amount of playing time (Including continuing to start in LF with Braun out and batting 5th for no reason). Brandon Boggs should be on this team in place of Kotsay. There is probably someone on the streets that is at least as good as Counsell.
Starting Pitching: I'm down with our starting pitching. There isn't one guy out of the five I would replace. Marcum has been tremendous, Yo, Wolf and Narveson have had a few hiccups, and a few gems, but overall, pretty good.
OVERALL: The team currently sits at 47-42, tied with the St. Louis Cardinals. The team has struggled as of late, losing 7 of 10, including blowing back-to-back five run leads. If you check out Baseball Reference's expanded standings, it is interesting to note that they are better record-wise, than they have actually played (BR has them at 45-44, 2 games behind Cincinnati and St. Louis). Based on my preseason, overly simplified expectations, I have the Crew 4 games behind the imaginary, playoff bound Brewers. I'm getting a little worried because of the way they have been losing. But, if you told me they would be tied for first 99 games in, I would take it. Baseball is just a frustrating game.
1B: Prince rates as the 9th best player in the NL based on WAR, and 2nd best 1st basemen (behind Votto). No problems here. He's been great. Defensively, he is still below replacement, but he is a beast at the plate.
2B: Weeks is the 18th best player in the NL and the best 2nd baseman. Can't argue with that. Even though it feels like he has improved his defense, he is actually WORSE than Fielder defensively based on his position, which is a little surprising.
SS: Yuni is fucking terrible. He is a -.4 WAR, which means he is WORSE than someone that you could walk onto any AAA team to get. He is fucking terrible on defense, where he is on pace to COST the Brewers 17 runs due to his defense this year (for comparison sake, Hart is predicted to SAVE 8 runs, and nobody would accuse him of being good). Batting wise, his OPS is .612 (league average is .703), and his OPS+ is 67 (100 is typically considered average, and adjusts his OPS number for ballpark factors). The bottom line is that he is fucking terrible in every aspect of the game. To top it off Roenicke has hit him FIFTH two recent games. If the Crew doesn't play someone else at SS for at least 1/2 of the rest of their games, they cannot possibly make the playoffs without being damn near perfect everywhere else. The solution is really not on the roster I don't think. Josh Wilson has been better than anyone else, but I think that is probably due to a small sample size than anything. However, as bad as Yuni has been, I can't imagine it would be too costly to get someone better. Even if that someone isn't great himself.
3B: McGehee has been worse than Yuni if that is even possible. The only reason it is hard to give up on him is because he had never been this bad before (whereas Yuni has always been bad). But this can't continue. Statistically he is arguably FAR worse than Yuni. Again, Wilson has been decent, but not decent enough to play both 3B and SS at the same time, and he probably isn't a starter. We need to get a 3B too probably. (Ed. Note: He hit a game winning, pinch hit 3 run homer two days ago. He still sucks).
LF: Braun is the 3rd best player in the NL (Behind Matt Kemp and Andrew McCutheon, again based on Wins Above Replacement). He is a stud. Interestingly, he is above replacement defensively, but I don't think WAR is a great indicator of defense especially in the outfield. I'm in love with him in a probably not sexual way.
CF: The Gomez/Plush combo is awesome to watch. Probably the two most exciting players to watch on the team, because you have no idea what is going to happen at any given moment. Gomez may overrun 3rd on the triple and break his neck falling into the dugout, or jump over the CF wall to make a catch. Plush may hit 5 triples (Plushdamentals!), or murder the home plate umpire. Offensively, there is no contest here. Plush has been nothing short of great offensively, while Gomez is nothing short of terrible. Defensively, Gomez has been spectacular. His defense is so good, that he nearly makes up for how bad he is offensively. For that reason, I don't have a huge problem with a 70/30 or so split (with Plush given the nod where there is a question). If I had to have one it would be Plush, but Gomez is a guy that can play some.
RF: Hart has been serviceable. It doesn't feel like he's been serviceable, because of how good he is when he is good, and because it looks like he's drunk and not trying when he plays bad.
C: Lucroy has struggled defensively, but he's been slightly above average offensively. For a catcher, I actually have some confidence in him when he bats, which is saying a lot. Also, banged Randy Wolf's wife.
Bench: Josh Wilson is the only bench player that adds anything to this team. Kottaras is a back-up catcher not named Wil Nieves, so he gets a pass, and occasionally runs into one, so he stays. Gamel has nothing else to do in the minors, and has gotten no legitimate shot yet, so he stays too. If you want to use a roster spot for a defensive replacement not named Carlos Gomez, Counsell has some value, but he should never face a major league pitcher again. Kotsay is simply awful in every aspect, and has obviously blackmailed Roenicke into his absurd amount of playing time (Including continuing to start in LF with Braun out and batting 5th for no reason). Brandon Boggs should be on this team in place of Kotsay. There is probably someone on the streets that is at least as good as Counsell.
Starting Pitching: I'm down with our starting pitching. There isn't one guy out of the five I would replace. Marcum has been tremendous, Yo, Wolf and Narveson have had a few hiccups, and a few gems, but overall, pretty good.
Greinke has been frustrating, but I'm here to tell you that he is pitching much better than it looks and than what his ERA (5.66) shows. I'm here to tell you that his strikeout per 9 innings of 11.72 is absurd. That his 1.84 walks per 9 innings is absurd. That he has been ridiculously unlucky. Case in point, there are two "advanced stats" that try to take the effects of fielding out of the equation when evaluating a pitcher. One stat is called BABIP, which stands for Batting Average for Balls in Play. The theory is that by taking BB/K/HR out of the equation, and measuring the results of the remaining balls hit into play over a long period of time, you can approximate if a pitcher is good/bad/or just unlucky, in a given year. Historically, the average BABIP is around .300, meaning about 30% of non-homeruns end up as hits, and most players will fall or rise towards the average in a given season. Greinke's career average is .309. This year it is .341, which is really high for him. What this means is that in the future, is that less balls should fall for hits than normal going forward. That or the the defense will completely fuck him over. But I tend to think positively (right?).
The other stat is xFIP or Expected Field Independent Pitching. Basically, xFIP takes the fielding component out of pitching entirely and only counts things a pitcher can control: walks, strikeouts, hit by pitches and home runs. Through a formula, it then calculates how good a pitcher is on an ERA scale based on what the ERA should look like if everything else (defense, timing) was average. It is widely known to be the best predictor of future performance for pitchers. In 2010, the MLB average was 4.23, which I think, if you know about ERA, is pretty average. Zack Greinke's xFIP in 2011 is 2.16, which is fucking incredible. How incredible? The second best starter in MLB is Roy Halladay, who has a 2.42. Cole Hamels is third with a 2.66. So Zack has been INCREDIBLY unlucky, and INCREDIBLY good so far. It just hasn't turned into results...yet. If these stats mean anything at all, its that Zack could be looking at a 2008 Sabathia-type second half.
Relief Pitching: I don't have any major complaints about anyone in the bully right now. The only complaint would be the manager's use, which I will get to in a minute. I think we are fine as currently constructed. Ax is a beast, rest of the bullpen is normally pretty above average.
Manager: Ron Roenicke is a mystery wrapped inside a conundrum. On one hand, I LOVE that he has a more aggressive attitude, at least insofar as he allows/encourages being aggressive on the bases. It has benefited us for the most part, and if nothing else is really fun to watch. He seems like a likable guy, and isn't a boring guy to listen to. It is possible that he feels likable, because for the most part, the team has been fairly successful. I imagine I would like him a lot less if the team was 5 games under .500.
My beef with Run-Run is the same beef I seem to have with all managers. I HATE his use of the bullpen, and his rationale behind it ("He's my 8th inning guy."). And I HATE his irrational love for certain players, when those players deserve no love (Kotsay, Yuni). The most infuriating thing to me is how he pitches Loe in every game no matter what (probably a slight exaggeration). Loe is clearly capable of getting guys out in the right situation, and has done it for long stretches at a time. But sometimes his sinker doesn't sink, or he goes up against a bunch of lefties in a row even though he clearly can't get left handers out. I'm sure bullpen management is harder than it looks, and the bullpen isn't going to win every game. But you can't give answers like: It is the 8th inning and Loe is my "8th inning guy", after you put him in against 3 straight left handers and they all hit the cover off the ball. He's gotta be flexible.
In the end, I'm on board with Ron for now. But mostly because they have won two in a row.
SUMMARY: After the research, I feel our biggest issue is the left side of the infield, McGehee and Yuni. Something has to be done there. I'm not advocating spending a ton of money/prospects on a blockbuster fix, because frankly I don't think we have either. However, I don't think we can continue to run Yuni and Casey out there for a majority of the games and survive. In Prince's last year, continuing on the "all in" movement requires us getting at least one player that doesn't suck, and plays 3B or SS, and can play every day. If we don't, I think this effort will be wasted.
Relief Pitching: I don't have any major complaints about anyone in the bully right now. The only complaint would be the manager's use, which I will get to in a minute. I think we are fine as currently constructed. Ax is a beast, rest of the bullpen is normally pretty above average.
Manager: Ron Roenicke is a mystery wrapped inside a conundrum. On one hand, I LOVE that he has a more aggressive attitude, at least insofar as he allows/encourages being aggressive on the bases. It has benefited us for the most part, and if nothing else is really fun to watch. He seems like a likable guy, and isn't a boring guy to listen to. It is possible that he feels likable, because for the most part, the team has been fairly successful. I imagine I would like him a lot less if the team was 5 games under .500.
My beef with Run-Run is the same beef I seem to have with all managers. I HATE his use of the bullpen, and his rationale behind it ("He's my 8th inning guy."). And I HATE his irrational love for certain players, when those players deserve no love (Kotsay, Yuni). The most infuriating thing to me is how he pitches Loe in every game no matter what (probably a slight exaggeration). Loe is clearly capable of getting guys out in the right situation, and has done it for long stretches at a time. But sometimes his sinker doesn't sink, or he goes up against a bunch of lefties in a row even though he clearly can't get left handers out. I'm sure bullpen management is harder than it looks, and the bullpen isn't going to win every game. But you can't give answers like: It is the 8th inning and Loe is my "8th inning guy", after you put him in against 3 straight left handers and they all hit the cover off the ball. He's gotta be flexible.
In the end, I'm on board with Ron for now. But mostly because they have won two in a row.
SUMMARY: After the research, I feel our biggest issue is the left side of the infield, McGehee and Yuni. Something has to be done there. I'm not advocating spending a ton of money/prospects on a blockbuster fix, because frankly I don't think we have either. However, I don't think we can continue to run Yuni and Casey out there for a majority of the games and survive. In Prince's last year, continuing on the "all in" movement requires us getting at least one player that doesn't suck, and plays 3B or SS, and can play every day. If we don't, I think this effort will be wasted.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Drunken Brewers/Twinkie Preview
In about 2 1/2 hours, I'm embarking on my most ambitious tailgating venture ever as I take off to Milwaukee to watch the Brewers take their second straight from the Twinks. It is my most ambitious ever because we are bringing a table. Otherwise it is the same as any other. Regardless, myself, Mrs. Juice, Sports Bottle, the soon to be Mrs. Sports Bottle, Richard and friends are going to get fucked up and enjoy the ridiculous weather. I put the over/under on number of innings I remember at 6.5. I put the over/under on inning Richard passes out at 7.5. Fun will be had by all.
One quick side note: U.S. is playing Mexico in some fake soccer tournament tonight. While I am aware of it, I would never make plans around watching it, or probably even think to watch it when it was on. I guess I'm in the minority though because according to ESPN.com, of like 129,000 voters, 39% are the most excited about this match vs. 4 other sporting events (MLB, NASCAR, CWS, Wimbledon). While that isn't exactly a murderers row, I'm SHOCKED that a relatively meaningless soccer match won.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Can't Fix Stupid
I sort of vowed to not blog about Favre ever again, because I feel like there was a clear "winner" in the whole shitstorm, but I'm still pissed about this.
It has been pretty well documented how I feel about Brett Favre. It has been well documented how I feel about the Green Bay Packers. After Aaron Rodgers put up one of the single best performances in Super Bowl history en route to a Super Bowl title, and Favre took a picture of his cock, texted it, and had his career ended by concussion, I had sort of assumed that it would be pretty impossible for someone to call themselves a Green Bay Packer fan, and like Favre more than you like Rodgers.
Well, three days ago I ran into this person. Two of them actually. The only thing that prevented me from throwing a drink in their face, or stabbing them, was the fact that they were my wife's relatives and I was at a family reunion. Someone actually sat there and told me, fucking seriously, that they liked Favre more, always will, and they actively DISliked Rodgers. I was fucking astounded. My wife also gets angry about this, so she nicely pushed the issue a little, while I nearly broke my own finger cracking my knuckles.
Here is what this dumb bitch said: "Favre is the greatest player ever.", "Rodgers is an arrogant asshole." "Rogers doesn't know how to keep it in his pants. I live in Green Bay, I would know".
These opinions apparently equal: Love Favre, Hate Rodgers. Fucking idiot. Not only are these statements irrelevant, they probably apply to BOTH. I can't really argue if you think Rodgers is arrogant. I personally think cocky is probably more accurate, or confident, but if you want to say arrogant, I will give you that. I don't know whether Rodgers "keeps it in his pants" (By the way, I also live in Green Bay, which doesn't give you inside knowledge of Packer players and their sex lives. And trust me when I tell you this chick doesn't have friends hot enough to be in the same room as a Packer player.), but if I was him, (single, rich) I wouldn't either. Favre is pretty clearly not the greatest player (an argument could have been made he is among the greatest Packers, until the last three years happened). Favre's INability to "keep it in his pants" was both legendary in Green Bay, and evident NOW.
Which is really why I have a problem with this. You are really going to pick Favre over Rodgers on fucking MORAL ground, after what Favre did to the city, franchise, fans, and Jenn Sterger??? And after Rodgers fairly quietly went about winning a motherfucking Super Bowl THIS YEAR? I don't get it. But feel free to take your ugly ass kids and dress them up in fucking Favre gear for fucking school pictures (for real) every year. I hope someone kicks their asses, you fucking rotten toothed fat bitch.
THE END
It has been pretty well documented how I feel about Brett Favre. It has been well documented how I feel about the Green Bay Packers. After Aaron Rodgers put up one of the single best performances in Super Bowl history en route to a Super Bowl title, and Favre took a picture of his cock, texted it, and had his career ended by concussion, I had sort of assumed that it would be pretty impossible for someone to call themselves a Green Bay Packer fan, and like Favre more than you like Rodgers.
Well, three days ago I ran into this person. Two of them actually. The only thing that prevented me from throwing a drink in their face, or stabbing them, was the fact that they were my wife's relatives and I was at a family reunion. Someone actually sat there and told me, fucking seriously, that they liked Favre more, always will, and they actively DISliked Rodgers. I was fucking astounded. My wife also gets angry about this, so she nicely pushed the issue a little, while I nearly broke my own finger cracking my knuckles.
Here is what this dumb bitch said: "Favre is the greatest player ever.", "Rodgers is an arrogant asshole." "Rogers doesn't know how to keep it in his pants. I live in Green Bay, I would know".
These opinions apparently equal: Love Favre, Hate Rodgers. Fucking idiot. Not only are these statements irrelevant, they probably apply to BOTH. I can't really argue if you think Rodgers is arrogant. I personally think cocky is probably more accurate, or confident, but if you want to say arrogant, I will give you that. I don't know whether Rodgers "keeps it in his pants" (By the way, I also live in Green Bay, which doesn't give you inside knowledge of Packer players and their sex lives. And trust me when I tell you this chick doesn't have friends hot enough to be in the same room as a Packer player.), but if I was him, (single, rich) I wouldn't either. Favre is pretty clearly not the greatest player (an argument could have been made he is among the greatest Packers, until the last three years happened). Favre's INability to "keep it in his pants" was both legendary in Green Bay, and evident NOW.
Which is really why I have a problem with this. You are really going to pick Favre over Rodgers on fucking MORAL ground, after what Favre did to the city, franchise, fans, and Jenn Sterger??? And after Rodgers fairly quietly went about winning a motherfucking Super Bowl THIS YEAR? I don't get it. But feel free to take your ugly ass kids and dress them up in fucking Favre gear for fucking school pictures (for real) every year. I hope someone kicks their asses, you fucking rotten toothed fat bitch.
THE END
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Dear Diary
Hi. It has been awhile. I've been busy tweeting everything that comes to mind before I have time or the desire to blog anything. Blogging is much more fun when ANYONE else joins in. And I've been kind of busy. If you are at all interested in anything I say, you should probably follow me on twitter @Juicelaw_WI.
I had to chime in on a few things that were to cumbersome to tweet. I went to a shitty wedding last night. First of all, Friday weddings are fucking rude. Second, if I'm not IN the wedding, or didn't go to college with the person who is getting married (and hence plan to get super fucked up), weddings are terrible. This particular wedding was a wife's co-worker whom I barely know. Anyway, food was good, conversation was awkward, blah blah blah. Beer was free but the keg was all fucked up so you ended up with 80% foam no matter what you did, but I wasn't drinking much anyway, as I was designated driver. What was insane was the music. The DJ was awful. He literally had a fucking pile of something called COMPACT DISCS. I was pretty certain that this wasn't Russia or 1998, so I had no fucking idea what he was doing. There was like a 40 second dead spot between every song as he loaded up his Discman or whatever the fuck he was doing. He played every shitty wedding song you can imagine, plus Nickelback. But for some reason he played "Axel F" aka the Beverly Hills Cop theme song, which was great, but had no words and confused the multiple people a) in cowboy hats and b) that had never heard of Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, and the DJ's name was "Gizmo" which led me to make about 743 "Gremlins" jokes. (Oh! Oh! Someone got the DJ wet! Fuck! Is it midnight already? Who fed the fucking DJ!) That was the best part of the wedding. That is all, I just had to get that off my chest because it was awkward.
OTHER BULLETTY POINTY THINGS
-Brewers are finding out real quick that the AL fucking sucks to play against when you have an NL roster. Doesn't help when Marcum gets hurt in the first. I'm honestly hoping to get one here. In case you are wondering, my preseason prediction had the Crew 2 games ahead of where they currently sit. I'm not worried, I'm just saying. Also, Jonathan Lucroy fucked Randy Wolf's wife.
-Headed to Brew City next Saturday to get drunk with Sports Bottle and to watch the Crew beat the Twins.
-The Packers Super Bowl rings are gigantic.
-Went to a country concert at Lambeau last weekend. It was fun. My neighbor's wife got punched in the face by a Hooter's girl and my brother in-law got picked up by a police officer while trying to walk the 8 miles from Lambeau to my house. I would totally do it again.
I had to chime in on a few things that were to cumbersome to tweet. I went to a shitty wedding last night. First of all, Friday weddings are fucking rude. Second, if I'm not IN the wedding, or didn't go to college with the person who is getting married (and hence plan to get super fucked up), weddings are terrible. This particular wedding was a wife's co-worker whom I barely know. Anyway, food was good, conversation was awkward, blah blah blah. Beer was free but the keg was all fucked up so you ended up with 80% foam no matter what you did, but I wasn't drinking much anyway, as I was designated driver. What was insane was the music. The DJ was awful. He literally had a fucking pile of something called COMPACT DISCS. I was pretty certain that this wasn't Russia or 1998, so I had no fucking idea what he was doing. There was like a 40 second dead spot between every song as he loaded up his Discman or whatever the fuck he was doing. He played every shitty wedding song you can imagine, plus Nickelback. But for some reason he played "Axel F" aka the Beverly Hills Cop theme song, which was great, but had no words and confused the multiple people a) in cowboy hats and b) that had never heard of Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, and the DJ's name was "Gizmo" which led me to make about 743 "Gremlins" jokes. (Oh! Oh! Someone got the DJ wet! Fuck! Is it midnight already? Who fed the fucking DJ!) That was the best part of the wedding. That is all, I just had to get that off my chest because it was awkward.
OTHER BULLETTY POINTY THINGS
-Brewers are finding out real quick that the AL fucking sucks to play against when you have an NL roster. Doesn't help when Marcum gets hurt in the first. I'm honestly hoping to get one here. In case you are wondering, my preseason prediction had the Crew 2 games ahead of where they currently sit. I'm not worried, I'm just saying. Also, Jonathan Lucroy fucked Randy Wolf's wife.
-Headed to Brew City next Saturday to get drunk with Sports Bottle and to watch the Crew beat the Twins.
-The Packers Super Bowl rings are gigantic.
-Went to a country concert at Lambeau last weekend. It was fun. My neighbor's wife got punched in the face by a Hooter's girl and my brother in-law got picked up by a police officer while trying to walk the 8 miles from Lambeau to my house. I would totally do it again.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Whoa.
This morning I had a post planned out in my mind based on my work at a beer stand last night. Then I open up my laptop to find that The Vest has resigned amid the shitstorm at Ohio State. It isn't that often that anything makes you stop and say "Whoa." in sports anymore. But the resignation of one of the most famous football coaches at one of the biggest universities in the country will make you do that. My sincerest hope is that a whole bunch of players go down with him and that Ohio St needs a year or two to reload. Because Buckeyes are terrible human beings. That is all.
What I was going to post about today is how people are assholes. This shouldn't come as much of a surprise. If you've dealt with anything resembling a human in your lifetime, you will realize that people are assholes. Also, they are fucking cheap. I never considered myself a big spender. In the grand scheme of things, I would probably say that I lean towards being cheap because that is how I was brought up. However, after last night, my eyes have been open to cheap, inconsiderate assholes, and I have gained a greater appreciation for bartenders.
Last night I bartended at a festival in the city I live in. I was doing it for charity. I didn't get paid (other than I got a little free food and all the beer I wanted to drink. And I was too busy to drink much). All tips went to charity. My wife and I both donated six hours of time on a beautiful holiday weekend to help raise some money. And we were BUSY. Really running our asses off all night. When I say "bartend", I mean I opened cans of beer, and poured tap beer. I wasn't making mixers or anything. So anyway, when I order a drink at a bar. Whether that is at a festival or a bar, I tip. I had assumed this was a normal response. If my beer is $3.50, and I give a $5, I will usually leave the change as a tip. At the very least I would leave a $1 every time I order a drink. I had assumed that was common courtesy. But I guess not. I am willing to bet that I probably served 500 or so beers myself last night. I bet 10 people tipped. Fucking ridiculous. Just mind-boggling to me. I suppose this means that these people are like this everywhere, and that myself and my ilk are generally speaking, "big tippers". Anyway, people are cheap dicks.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that despite the large garbage barrels, which were emptied about every 10 minutes. I had to don rubber gloves and pick up thousands of empty beer cans because the people that didn't tip couldn't be troubled to throw away their own fucking garbage.
As for my new found respect for bartenders. People are impatient dicks. It is impossible to know as a bartender to know who was "there first" when there is hundreds of people waving cash at you for five straight hours. I'm not going to give bartenders attitude any more. I'm not going to be that bitch that says "Um, Hellllloooooo!!! Is nobody serving this line or what????" My response? "I don't see any lines lady, I will get to you in a minute." Then I purposely go to someone else next. Did I mention I got almost no tips?
MOVIE REVIEWS FOR MOVIES YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY SEEN
"The Fighter": Pretty awesome. I don't think Mark Wahlberg has been in a bad movie. If Christian Bale has, I can't recall that either. Definitely should see it if you haven't. Also, no boxing movie has ever sucked.
"No Strings Attached": A chickflick special! As chick flicks go, it could've been worse. The premise is stupid, but there were moments that made me chuckle. I don't hate Ashton Kutcher even though I probably should. And Queen Amidala is in it. If your wife/girlfriend is going to force you to watch a shitty movie, you could do worse.
DRINK OF THE WEEKEND
Large plastic cups filled with Bicardi Limon and Sprite.
ANTI-DRINK OF THE WEEKEND
MGD 64 Lemonade. Fucking terrible.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Great Tickets In Theory
As many of you may have heard, I received my 2011-12 Green Bay Packer Ticket assignments earlier this week. If I was given the choice of one game, I would've wanted to experience the home opener against the Saints, in order to see what kind of party the NFL put on, and to see the additional pageantry of the opening game after a Super Bowl win. Well, I may have gotten my wish, as I was notified that I will be receiving tickets to the Saints game, as well as the Lions game on New Years Day (or as I am going to call it, the Cold As Shit Bowl, which may actually be a college bowl game).
The concern of course, is that I receive what is probably the most interesting game on the schedule (the Bears game being the other obvious great game on paper) and the game will not be played. Or the schedule gets messed up in some fashion, and it turns into "just a game" against the Saints and not a super-duper special game. Which would fucking blow.
I'm not one of those people that would kill myself without the NFL (although I may just drink a gallon of vodka to fill in those 10 hours or so of football every Sunday, which may lead to an earlier death), but I'm also not one that is going to try to ignore it because they are all greedy assholes who don't care about me.
Of course they don't care about me. Do movie producers care about me? Do restaurant owners care about me? Do airlines care about me? Oil companies? Hotel operators? Bar owners? Postal workers? My doctors? Insurance carriers? I guess what I'm trying to say is that at the end of the day, the only people that truly give a shit about you, your thoughts, your money, etc., are your friends and family. Gigantic corporations don't care what you think, because they provide a product or service that nobody else does. In this case, there isn't another NFL. The idea that caring or not caring about the lockout is going to fix anything or change anyone's mind is ludicrous. I am personally not enabling anything. Sure, collectively I may be part of the problem, but the only way to truly affect a billion dollar business would be for EVERYONE to not have anything to do with the NFL until they fix the labor issues, and THEN to not embrace them when they came back. And this is impossible. Unless or until there is somewhere else to get the Green Bay Packers. And there is not. Nothing is going to change regardless of what I do.
I guess what I'm saying in rambling, incoherent fashion is that begging the NFL to come back is not the wrong thing to do if that is how you feel. And if you think that not caring is the right thing for you, go for it. But now that I've got these sweet ass tickets, and and the lockout is hitting closer to home, that is all I really want. So c'mon baby, come home to daddy.
The concern of course, is that I receive what is probably the most interesting game on the schedule (the Bears game being the other obvious great game on paper) and the game will not be played. Or the schedule gets messed up in some fashion, and it turns into "just a game" against the Saints and not a super-duper special game. Which would fucking blow.
I'm not one of those people that would kill myself without the NFL (although I may just drink a gallon of vodka to fill in those 10 hours or so of football every Sunday, which may lead to an earlier death), but I'm also not one that is going to try to ignore it because they are all greedy assholes who don't care about me.
Of course they don't care about me. Do movie producers care about me? Do restaurant owners care about me? Do airlines care about me? Oil companies? Hotel operators? Bar owners? Postal workers? My doctors? Insurance carriers? I guess what I'm trying to say is that at the end of the day, the only people that truly give a shit about you, your thoughts, your money, etc., are your friends and family. Gigantic corporations don't care what you think, because they provide a product or service that nobody else does. In this case, there isn't another NFL. The idea that caring or not caring about the lockout is going to fix anything or change anyone's mind is ludicrous. I am personally not enabling anything. Sure, collectively I may be part of the problem, but the only way to truly affect a billion dollar business would be for EVERYONE to not have anything to do with the NFL until they fix the labor issues, and THEN to not embrace them when they came back. And this is impossible. Unless or until there is somewhere else to get the Green Bay Packers. And there is not. Nothing is going to change regardless of what I do.
I guess what I'm saying in rambling, incoherent fashion is that begging the NFL to come back is not the wrong thing to do if that is how you feel. And if you think that not caring is the right thing for you, go for it. But now that I've got these sweet ass tickets, and and the lockout is hitting closer to home, that is all I really want. So c'mon baby, come home to daddy.
BREW CREW HANGOVER
Sweet walk-off suicide squeeze yesterday.
PREDICTED RECORD: 31-21
ACTUAL RECORD: 28-24
VERDICT: Remain calm.
VACATION
I'm headed back to Omaha on Thursday for the first time in 5 years. Going to check out some of our old favorite restaurants, likely hook up with old pals and get drunk like it's 2006. Should be fun. Driving not so much, but it will definitely bring back happy memories. Not exactly a two week trip to Europe but these things happen when you have crippling student loan debt.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Brew Crew Hangover: Sweep Edition
I'm going to start a new feature here (until I stop blogging for like a month again). I'm going to tell you how many wins the Brewers have compared to how many I expected them to have preseason, then I'm going to tell you if you should remain calm, panic, or celebrate.
Predicted Record: 27-20
Actual Record: 24-23
Verdict: Remain Calm
Pretty close to what I expected, even with the peaks and valleys. Going to have to score some runs more consistently, and going to have to win more on the road. (ED NOTE: Hart and Fielder just CRUSHED two balls to dead center in the first. 3-0 Crew).
OTHER BREWER RELATED NEWS
Erick Almonte (on the 7-day DL with a concussion because he got hit in the head with a batted ball during BP), got hit in the face with a throw during BP. Man, that SUCKS.
RANT ON SPORTS TALK RADIO
I love me some sports talk radio. But is it too much to ask that you have any fucking idea what you are talking about? How is it that I can work 50-ish hours a week, maintain a healthy relationship, exercise on once in a while, make love to a microbrew on occasion, and play what I would consider to be an above average amount of video games, and STILL know more that guys whose JOB it is to know things about sports. For example, and this is hardly a felonious offense, but it was merely the latest. On the "Green and Gold Today" on ESPN Milwaukee with Bear's favorite writer Jason Wilde, and Bill Johnson, they were discussing the lockout, because let's face it, there isn't anything else to talk about. The topic was "What will people follow if there is no NFL?" Baseball, college football, UFL, etc. Typical, generic sports talk topic. Well, I'm not going to complain about the topic, because I write a blog like twice a month and have a hard time coming up with new things to write. It is pretty hard to talk for three hours. Alas, when discussing college football, one said to the other "Has there been any talk of playing college games on Sunday if there is no NFL?" The response "I'm not sure."
Fucking. Seriously. Is this really THAT obscure of a topic? My point is, that I shouldn't know a tremendous amount more than you do about a sports topic, when you talk about sports every day and get paid for it. In this particular case, if it was a baseball or golf question, I would give them a slight pass, because at least this show is football oriented. But do you really mean to tell me that they don't follow ANYTHING but Green Bay Packer football? Even in their free time? I just can't accept that as fact. And these are two relatively good radio guys. There are far worse example. I don't know, maybe I just follow sports closer than most. If that is true, I'm available to host any radio show that anyone wants. And I will do it for half of what the current guy gets paid. I have absolutely no idea why I just wrote 200 words about this.
Predicted Record: 27-20
Actual Record: 24-23
Verdict: Remain Calm
Pretty close to what I expected, even with the peaks and valleys. Going to have to score some runs more consistently, and going to have to win more on the road. (ED NOTE: Hart and Fielder just CRUSHED two balls to dead center in the first. 3-0 Crew).
OTHER BREWER RELATED NEWS
Erick Almonte (on the 7-day DL with a concussion because he got hit in the head with a batted ball during BP), got hit in the face with a throw during BP. Man, that SUCKS.
RANT ON SPORTS TALK RADIO
I love me some sports talk radio. But is it too much to ask that you have any fucking idea what you are talking about? How is it that I can work 50-ish hours a week, maintain a healthy relationship, exercise on once in a while, make love to a microbrew on occasion, and play what I would consider to be an above average amount of video games, and STILL know more that guys whose JOB it is to know things about sports. For example, and this is hardly a felonious offense, but it was merely the latest. On the "Green and Gold Today" on ESPN Milwaukee with Bear's favorite writer Jason Wilde, and Bill Johnson, they were discussing the lockout, because let's face it, there isn't anything else to talk about. The topic was "What will people follow if there is no NFL?" Baseball, college football, UFL, etc. Typical, generic sports talk topic. Well, I'm not going to complain about the topic, because I write a blog like twice a month and have a hard time coming up with new things to write. It is pretty hard to talk for three hours. Alas, when discussing college football, one said to the other "Has there been any talk of playing college games on Sunday if there is no NFL?" The response "I'm not sure."
Fucking. Seriously. Is this really THAT obscure of a topic? My point is, that I shouldn't know a tremendous amount more than you do about a sports topic, when you talk about sports every day and get paid for it. In this particular case, if it was a baseball or golf question, I would give them a slight pass, because at least this show is football oriented. But do you really mean to tell me that they don't follow ANYTHING but Green Bay Packer football? Even in their free time? I just can't accept that as fact. And these are two relatively good radio guys. There are far worse example. I don't know, maybe I just follow sports closer than most. If that is true, I'm available to host any radio show that anyone wants. And I will do it for half of what the current guy gets paid. I have absolutely no idea why I just wrote 200 words about this.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Invisible Brew Crew Hangover--Post-Rapture Edition
Interesting question: If the Brewers play the Rockies on a Saturday night in front of a sellout crowd, but arcane and preposterous MLB blackout rules prevent anyone from seeing it that wasn't there, did it really happen? (takes a hit off of a spliff) That shit is DEEP. Really though, it is 2002. We should be able to watch whatever game we fucking want and not be force-fed some Cubs-RedSox bullshit. In case anyone didn't see any of that last night, the teams wore what I assume were 1918 throwbacks. The Red Sox wore pure white unis and hats, with no logos of any type. It was awkward. The Cubs had grey unis with blue pinstripes. The hats were logo-less. The jerseys had the wierd logo that looked like a rectangle with UBS written in it. Upon further review it was a rectangular C wrapped around the other letter. It was dumb. Also upon further review, these are two of the three douchiest fan bases in baseball (Yankees being the third.)
Anyway, the Crew did in fact play, and defeat the Rocks thanks to what appeared by all accounts to be a sweet pitching performance from Shaun Marcum. I'm aware of this thanks to my Blackberry and MLB Network. I'm far too lazy to listen to the game on the radio while at home due to lack of a decent radio setup/and comfortable/sensible place to listen. Today, the Crew goes for a sweep. Which would be pretty impressive considering the Rocks are putting Ubaldo on the mound. However, Ubaldo is doing his best Zack Greinke impression this season (i.e. ERA hovering around 6), so all is not lost. I will definitely be watching/napping despite the fact that it is 70 and sunny right now on my patio. It is supposed to rain again today though, and clearly De Pere, WI is actually Seattle, WA.
GOLF
Speaking of Seattle, I tried to golf yesterday. We made it all the way to the 4th hole before it started to rain, and ended up having to take a rain check for the back nine because it was pouring. Kept up my stellar 55 average on 9-holes. I would guess I will probably have my tour card by August.
NBA
Nice game last night. That is about all I got on it. I will watch Bulls-Heat when and if it is convenient tonight.
RAPTURE
I'm pretty excited to hear what excuse the rapture asshole guy has for why he "miscalculated", and how he is going to explain away the numerous sex-related felonies he committed yesterday in the name of (SportsBottle's) god.
TWITTER
If you aren't on twitter, and aren't following me, you are missing me spitting hot fire. Sign up and follow me at@ juicelaw_WI. I would describe it as random one-liners that I may have put into a blog post if I blogged more often. If you are interested in Bear live-tweeting his experiences inside of a bar in River Falls, WI, which generally includes completely random people that I don't know tweeting back to him from the next stool, you should follow him at @bearflash. If you want to read UCSB616 get into verbal jousting over the lockout with respected journalists, active players and b-list celebrities, follow him at @UCSB616. If you want to continue to read nothing from Twinkie, you should follow him at....well fuck, I don't even know his Twitter handle because he doesn't use it.
I've got to admit that I enjoy Twitter far more than I ever expected. I like it better than Facebook because I don't have to censor myself. Because censorship is bullshit.
Anyway, the Crew did in fact play, and defeat the Rocks thanks to what appeared by all accounts to be a sweet pitching performance from Shaun Marcum. I'm aware of this thanks to my Blackberry and MLB Network. I'm far too lazy to listen to the game on the radio while at home due to lack of a decent radio setup/and comfortable/sensible place to listen. Today, the Crew goes for a sweep. Which would be pretty impressive considering the Rocks are putting Ubaldo on the mound. However, Ubaldo is doing his best Zack Greinke impression this season (i.e. ERA hovering around 6), so all is not lost. I will definitely be watching/napping despite the fact that it is 70 and sunny right now on my patio. It is supposed to rain again today though, and clearly De Pere, WI is actually Seattle, WA.
GOLF
Speaking of Seattle, I tried to golf yesterday. We made it all the way to the 4th hole before it started to rain, and ended up having to take a rain check for the back nine because it was pouring. Kept up my stellar 55 average on 9-holes. I would guess I will probably have my tour card by August.
NBA
Nice game last night. That is about all I got on it. I will watch Bulls-Heat when and if it is convenient tonight.
RAPTURE
I'm pretty excited to hear what excuse the rapture asshole guy has for why he "miscalculated", and how he is going to explain away the numerous sex-related felonies he committed yesterday in the name of (SportsBottle's) god.
If you aren't on twitter, and aren't following me, you are missing me spitting hot fire. Sign up and follow me at@ juicelaw_WI. I would describe it as random one-liners that I may have put into a blog post if I blogged more often. If you are interested in Bear live-tweeting his experiences inside of a bar in River Falls, WI, which generally includes completely random people that I don't know tweeting back to him from the next stool, you should follow him at @bearflash. If you want to read UCSB616 get into verbal jousting over the lockout with respected journalists, active players and b-list celebrities, follow him at @UCSB616. If you want to continue to read nothing from Twinkie, you should follow him at....well fuck, I don't even know his Twitter handle because he doesn't use it.
I've got to admit that I enjoy Twitter far more than I ever expected. I like it better than Facebook because I don't have to censor myself. Because censorship is bullshit.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Reviewz
Wanted to chime in quick on a few topics while my neighbor stands next to his pickup truck in his jorts enjoying a Busch Light.
BREWERS
Truthfully, I'm not that disappointed with the Brewers. I just took a look at the schedule. I predicted preseason that they would probably win around 87 games, and be deep in the hunt. Of course, I'm an idiot. Anyway, based on my predictions, I have them at 24 wins after last night's game. They now have 21 wins. So they are perhaps three games worse than I had hoped. But there are like 120 games left. They will go on a random 7 game winning streak at some point, and get right back where they should be. But they gotta stop getting shut out. Pretty frustrating. Thankfully they come home and aren't playing at 1 a.m. starting tonight.
My take aways so far: Ryan Braun is my hero (although the recent shoulder injury is concerning), Zach Greinke is fun as hell to watch pitch (until he gets randomly hammered for 5 runs when he runs out of gas) and Prince is still fat. I love/hate watching Carlos Gomez turn a double into a triple, and then overrun third base and get tagged out, or make a cartwheel diving catch in center, and then strike out on a pitch 7 feet outside. Human roller coaster. Corey Hart got fat. Looking forward to the two extremely drunk Brewer games I've got planned in late June/early July.
NBA
I've actually watched almost every second of three conference finals games, and the 4th qtr of Game 2 of Mavs-Thunder. Game 2 of Heat-Bulls actually got the wife's seal of approval to be watched. And she HATES the NBA. I'm just saying that it has been entertaining.
MOVIE REVIEW
"Bridesmaids". Actually pretty good. I laughed really hard quite a number of times. It isn't quite the female version of the Hangover, but it is worth seeing. At this point, I don't think I would ever recommend seeing any movie at the theater. Seriously, it cost us like $40 for two of us to go. You could rent FORTY fucking movies from RedBox. I like going to the movies once in awhile, but if I'm spending $40 I'd rather go out to eat. I would definitely watch this at some point though. The fat chick is really, really funny.
BEERS OF THE MOMENT
"Thunder River Amber Ale". It is good. It is an amber ale and they are really hard to fuck up. What is odd is that after further review, Thunder River is brewed by "Green Bay Brewing Company", which is actually the same as Hinterland, which is much more expensive. Either way it was good.
"Somersault" by New Belgium. Pretty standard pale-ish ale with some citrusy type flavor. It was good. No complaints.
BREWERS
Truthfully, I'm not that disappointed with the Brewers. I just took a look at the schedule. I predicted preseason that they would probably win around 87 games, and be deep in the hunt. Of course, I'm an idiot. Anyway, based on my predictions, I have them at 24 wins after last night's game. They now have 21 wins. So they are perhaps three games worse than I had hoped. But there are like 120 games left. They will go on a random 7 game winning streak at some point, and get right back where they should be. But they gotta stop getting shut out. Pretty frustrating. Thankfully they come home and aren't playing at 1 a.m. starting tonight.
My take aways so far: Ryan Braun is my hero (although the recent shoulder injury is concerning), Zach Greinke is fun as hell to watch pitch (until he gets randomly hammered for 5 runs when he runs out of gas) and Prince is still fat. I love/hate watching Carlos Gomez turn a double into a triple, and then overrun third base and get tagged out, or make a cartwheel diving catch in center, and then strike out on a pitch 7 feet outside. Human roller coaster. Corey Hart got fat. Looking forward to the two extremely drunk Brewer games I've got planned in late June/early July.
NBA
I've actually watched almost every second of three conference finals games, and the 4th qtr of Game 2 of Mavs-Thunder. Game 2 of Heat-Bulls actually got the wife's seal of approval to be watched. And she HATES the NBA. I'm just saying that it has been entertaining.
MOVIE REVIEW
"Bridesmaids". Actually pretty good. I laughed really hard quite a number of times. It isn't quite the female version of the Hangover, but it is worth seeing. At this point, I don't think I would ever recommend seeing any movie at the theater. Seriously, it cost us like $40 for two of us to go. You could rent FORTY fucking movies from RedBox. I like going to the movies once in awhile, but if I'm spending $40 I'd rather go out to eat. I would definitely watch this at some point though. The fat chick is really, really funny.
BEERS OF THE MOMENT
"Thunder River Amber Ale". It is good. It is an amber ale and they are really hard to fuck up. What is odd is that after further review, Thunder River is brewed by "Green Bay Brewing Company", which is actually the same as Hinterland, which is much more expensive. Either way it was good.
"Somersault" by New Belgium. Pretty standard pale-ish ale with some citrusy type flavor. It was good. No complaints.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
This Is An Emergency Blog Post
My wife left me to go to a conference. I'm sitting home alone. A few weeks ago I recorded "Masters of the Universe" on my DVR. I was a huge He-Man fan growing up in the 80's, and I had never seen the movie. Plus, Dolph Lundgren plays He-Man. Anyways, I'm sitting here watching it, and it is so absurd that I needed to start a sort of live blog on it.
SUMMARY OF THE FIRST 52 MINUTES
-He-Man is played by Dolph Lundgren, which is awesome.
-Skelator, who is the main bad guy, has the Sorceress held hostage. Also, he is clearly wearing a bad rubber mask.
-Perhaps I don't recall He-Man as well as I thought, but there are dudes with lasers everywhere.
-Oh, and there is some kind of space portal deal that sent He-Man and friends to Earth. Hilarity ensues. Oh, and Courtney Cox is the main human character.
BACK TO PRESENT
-A cop, played by the guy who plays the asshole principal in Back to the Future, takes the "cosmic key", which is the thing that lets them travel around space. He-Man shows up in his briefs and giant sword at a record store, because everyone in present day earth thinks it is a "synthesizer". Also, it is 1987.
-"Good guys" hide in a record store (again, 1987) when the bad guys show up. Also, the bad guys are just storm troopers dressed in black suits. This movie is a "Star Wars" ripoff. It is probably the same actors shooting the lasers.
-The guns themselves look like the Lazer Tag guns from the 80s.
-There is a troll looking thing.
-Cop is the asshole guy that doesn't understand the fact that there are aliens shooting fucking laser beams, and tries to threaten Courtney Cox's boyfriend with "850 years in prison", then tackles him to try to take his gun even though He-Man was clear what he wanted to happen. No doubt the asshole cop is going to fuck this up.
-Skelator's main bitch (Evil-Lyn) disguised herself to look like Courtney Cox's dead mother and asks for the cosmic key. Courtney Cox was a dumb bitch and fell for it. Oh oh!
-Oh shit. Skelator just showed up in 1987 with like 10,000 storm troopers and a hover-craft/throne thing with a bunch of blinky lights on it!
-By the way, Skelator's bitch is named Evil-Lyn. And she's evil.
-Some of the storm troopers have flying surfboards now!
-I think they stole the troll guy from "Leprechaun" or "Willow".
-Now He-Man is on a flying surfboard, and the special effects are horrendous.
-I just realized that there has been about a half an hour laser gun-fight in the streets of this town, and there hasn't been a single citizen to be seen other than Courtney Cox, her boyfriend and the cop.
-Oh shit, He-Man just swooped in and grabbed the key from that bitch. The chopped a stormtrooper in half with his sword.
-The good guy chick that was with He-Man looks exactly like the fighting whore chick from "Total Recall". I just imdb'd her. She was not in Total Recall. But she was in The Last Boy Scout.
-Skelator is just chillin on his hovercraft. Just told He-Man to join him and save his friends, or die with them. And he does. I bet Skelator kills them anyway. Word? He didn't kill them. Weird.
-Skelator, He-Man and the million storm troopers go through their black hole thing back to Eternia. The others are stuck in 1987.
-The troll and Courtney Cox's boyfriend are using a keyboard to fix the cosmic key because the cosmic key uses keyboard sounds to open up black holes to other planets.
-Skelator is torturing He-Man with a laser whip.
-Skelator is so obviously Emporer Palpatine.
-Some shit happened with Skelator and now he is wearing some kind of mask/crown thing that looks like the hindu god thing (can't think of the name). And his eyes are glowing yellow. Pretty bad ass I guess.
-The keyboard thing worked and now the rest of the good guys (and the cop) end up in Skelator's throne room.
-Skelator tries to kill He-Man with a lightning bolt, and He-Man just leans away and Skelator zaps his chains off. Then as Skelator keeps trying to shoot lightning bolts, He-Man keeps pulling storm troopers in front of them.
-I had Topperstix for dinner.
-For the first time, He-Man grabs his sword and says "I have the power!" And Skelator just kind of watches. Now, lights went out save for a random spotlight that Skelator keeps nearby to randomly change colors, and the two have their final battle. Somehow all the storm troopers and good guys stop fighting and disappear. They totally, absofuckinglutely copied the Skywalker/Vader light saber fight, and then copied the scene where Obi-Wan(?) falls down the giant hole and screams all the way down to his death. Might have been someone else, but definitely a Star Wars scene.
-So Skelator is dead, all is safe. Everyone give their good byes. The cop decides he is just going to stay in Eternia and live in Castle Greyskull. And he picked up some random hot chick. Why not? I guess he will just eat alien food and his human body will adjust.
-And Courtney Cox wakes up in her bed. Wearing a nightgown that goes from her neck to her ankles and is long sleeved. And her parents are suddenly alive even though they died in a plane crash.
The End. You know? Maybe it wasn't that bad. It was cheesy. But throw on a 1987 movie and find one that isn't cheesy as shit. Especially when it actually took place in 1987. I'd never watch it again, and I wouldn't necessarily recommend that you waste an hour and a half either. That was fun I guess.
SUMMARY OF THE FIRST 52 MINUTES
-He-Man is played by Dolph Lundgren, which is awesome.
-Skelator, who is the main bad guy, has the Sorceress held hostage. Also, he is clearly wearing a bad rubber mask.
-Perhaps I don't recall He-Man as well as I thought, but there are dudes with lasers everywhere.
-Oh, and there is some kind of space portal deal that sent He-Man and friends to Earth. Hilarity ensues. Oh, and Courtney Cox is the main human character.
BACK TO PRESENT
-A cop, played by the guy who plays the asshole principal in Back to the Future, takes the "cosmic key", which is the thing that lets them travel around space. He-Man shows up in his briefs and giant sword at a record store, because everyone in present day earth thinks it is a "synthesizer". Also, it is 1987.
-"Good guys" hide in a record store (again, 1987) when the bad guys show up. Also, the bad guys are just storm troopers dressed in black suits. This movie is a "Star Wars" ripoff. It is probably the same actors shooting the lasers.
-The guns themselves look like the Lazer Tag guns from the 80s.
-There is a troll looking thing.
-Cop is the asshole guy that doesn't understand the fact that there are aliens shooting fucking laser beams, and tries to threaten Courtney Cox's boyfriend with "850 years in prison", then tackles him to try to take his gun even though He-Man was clear what he wanted to happen. No doubt the asshole cop is going to fuck this up.
-Skelator's main bitch (Evil-Lyn) disguised herself to look like Courtney Cox's dead mother and asks for the cosmic key. Courtney Cox was a dumb bitch and fell for it. Oh oh!
-Oh shit. Skelator just showed up in 1987 with like 10,000 storm troopers and a hover-craft/throne thing with a bunch of blinky lights on it!
-By the way, Skelator's bitch is named Evil-Lyn. And she's evil.
-Some of the storm troopers have flying surfboards now!
-I think they stole the troll guy from "Leprechaun" or "Willow".
-Now He-Man is on a flying surfboard, and the special effects are horrendous.
-I just realized that there has been about a half an hour laser gun-fight in the streets of this town, and there hasn't been a single citizen to be seen other than Courtney Cox, her boyfriend and the cop.
-Oh shit, He-Man just swooped in and grabbed the key from that bitch. The chopped a stormtrooper in half with his sword.
-The good guy chick that was with He-Man looks exactly like the fighting whore chick from "Total Recall". I just imdb'd her. She was not in Total Recall. But she was in The Last Boy Scout.
-Skelator is just chillin on his hovercraft. Just told He-Man to join him and save his friends, or die with them. And he does. I bet Skelator kills them anyway. Word? He didn't kill them. Weird.
-Skelator, He-Man and the million storm troopers go through their black hole thing back to Eternia. The others are stuck in 1987.
-The troll and Courtney Cox's boyfriend are using a keyboard to fix the cosmic key because the cosmic key uses keyboard sounds to open up black holes to other planets.
-Skelator is torturing He-Man with a laser whip.
-Skelator is so obviously Emporer Palpatine.
-Some shit happened with Skelator and now he is wearing some kind of mask/crown thing that looks like the hindu god thing (can't think of the name). And his eyes are glowing yellow. Pretty bad ass I guess.
-The keyboard thing worked and now the rest of the good guys (and the cop) end up in Skelator's throne room.
-Skelator tries to kill He-Man with a lightning bolt, and He-Man just leans away and Skelator zaps his chains off. Then as Skelator keeps trying to shoot lightning bolts, He-Man keeps pulling storm troopers in front of them.
-I had Topperstix for dinner.
-For the first time, He-Man grabs his sword and says "I have the power!" And Skelator just kind of watches. Now, lights went out save for a random spotlight that Skelator keeps nearby to randomly change colors, and the two have their final battle. Somehow all the storm troopers and good guys stop fighting and disappear. They totally, absofuckinglutely copied the Skywalker/Vader light saber fight, and then copied the scene where Obi-Wan(?) falls down the giant hole and screams all the way down to his death. Might have been someone else, but definitely a Star Wars scene.
-So Skelator is dead, all is safe. Everyone give their good byes. The cop decides he is just going to stay in Eternia and live in Castle Greyskull. And he picked up some random hot chick. Why not? I guess he will just eat alien food and his human body will adjust.
-And Courtney Cox wakes up in her bed. Wearing a nightgown that goes from her neck to her ankles and is long sleeved. And her parents are suddenly alive even though they died in a plane crash.
The End. You know? Maybe it wasn't that bad. It was cheesy. But throw on a 1987 movie and find one that isn't cheesy as shit. Especially when it actually took place in 1987. I'd never watch it again, and I wouldn't necessarily recommend that you waste an hour and a half either. That was fun I guess.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Exhale
Well there we go. Yo is a Cy Young contender and the Crew is sure to turn this 7 game losing streak into a 12 game winning streak after yesterday. Championship! Thus is the ebb and flow of the 700 game MLB season. I'm still concerned that the Crew hasn't hit at all for the last week. Big early season game today. They sort of need to steal this series after shitting Houston down their legs. Gotta score more runs though. Headed to the Keg on Wednesday afternoon for a game against the Padres. Headed down with my old man and his union cronies. No word on whether legs will be broken or not.
NBA PLAYOFFS
I find it incredible that no NBA team has EVER come back from a 3-0 deficit. If the Lakers demise is a foregone conclusion, then why are we wasting our time even playing game 4. There should be a rule that series are a best of 7, until a team wins the first three, then it is a skunk, and it is over. While I'm not the biggest NBA fan, I do follow it, and watch portions of games here and there. But I won't be going out of my way to watch any more games in this series until it gets to 7. Why bother?
GOLF
I finally got out for 18 yesterday. I'm not very good. 110 on 18 holes isn't getting me to the PGA tour. But considering I haven't touched a club in at least 8 months (Wisconsin weather rules) it could've been worse.
MOVIE REVIEWS
Watched a couple of older-ish movies from my DVR that I hadn't seen before.
"Youth in Revolt": I enjoy Michael Cera even though he plays the same character in every movie/TV show ever. I just find that character funny. Zach Galifianakis and his beard were in the movie as a alcoholic truck driver that is banging Michael Cera's mom. Steve Buschemi and trailer parks were also involved. I enjoyed the movie. I would recommend it, but I doubt I would stop to watch it again if it was on cable.
"The Hurt Locker": Supposedly won an Oscar. I'm a little Iraq movied out to be honest. There have been something like 10 million movies made about this, which I guess makes sense since this "war" has been going on for 10 years. It was a solid movie, but not very unique. It is an Iraq war movie. No idea why or how this won (or was nominated, I don't watch that shit) an Oscar. It is worth watching if you like desert war movies. I wouldn't watch it again.
BEERS OF THE WEEKEND
Lienenkugel Limited: Kind of dog shit. A cross between Leinie's original, which is awful, and Honey Weiss. Don't bother. Thank (Sports Bottle's) god I only drank one. I'm not sure what the idea behind "limited" was. I can tell you one thing, it will be limited to one in my stomach.
New Glarus "Two Women": Not as good as it might sound. It should be called "Two naggy ass fat women". New Glarus is always a conundrum to me. They make some absoultely delicious beer: "Fat Squirrel", "Spotted Cow", "Totally Naked", 'Back Forty Bock". And some really, really bad beer. This one would be in the second category for me.
I'm off to get fat at brunch. Peace.
NBA PLAYOFFS
I find it incredible that no NBA team has EVER come back from a 3-0 deficit. If the Lakers demise is a foregone conclusion, then why are we wasting our time even playing game 4. There should be a rule that series are a best of 7, until a team wins the first three, then it is a skunk, and it is over. While I'm not the biggest NBA fan, I do follow it, and watch portions of games here and there. But I won't be going out of my way to watch any more games in this series until it gets to 7. Why bother?
GOLF
I finally got out for 18 yesterday. I'm not very good. 110 on 18 holes isn't getting me to the PGA tour. But considering I haven't touched a club in at least 8 months (Wisconsin weather rules) it could've been worse.
MOVIE REVIEWS
Watched a couple of older-ish movies from my DVR that I hadn't seen before.
"Youth in Revolt": I enjoy Michael Cera even though he plays the same character in every movie/TV show ever. I just find that character funny. Zach Galifianakis and his beard were in the movie as a alcoholic truck driver that is banging Michael Cera's mom. Steve Buschemi and trailer parks were also involved. I enjoyed the movie. I would recommend it, but I doubt I would stop to watch it again if it was on cable.
"The Hurt Locker": Supposedly won an Oscar. I'm a little Iraq movied out to be honest. There have been something like 10 million movies made about this, which I guess makes sense since this "war" has been going on for 10 years. It was a solid movie, but not very unique. It is an Iraq war movie. No idea why or how this won (or was nominated, I don't watch that shit) an Oscar. It is worth watching if you like desert war movies. I wouldn't watch it again.
BEERS OF THE WEEKEND
Lienenkugel Limited: Kind of dog shit. A cross between Leinie's original, which is awful, and Honey Weiss. Don't bother. Thank (Sports Bottle's) god I only drank one. I'm not sure what the idea behind "limited" was. I can tell you one thing, it will be limited to one in my stomach.
New Glarus "Two Women": Not as good as it might sound. It should be called "Two naggy ass fat women". New Glarus is always a conundrum to me. They make some absoultely delicious beer: "Fat Squirrel", "Spotted Cow", "Totally Naked", 'Back Forty Bock". And some really, really bad beer. This one would be in the second category for me.
I'm off to get fat at brunch. Peace.
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