My Super Bowl

The Packers have won the Super Bowl. The good folk of Wisconsin were out in force last night, I'm sure of this.

My only real grievance with the celebrations so far has been the astounding number of people still doing the Brent who? thing. I get it, Favre is/was/always will be a complete turbo douche. That's fine, hell I even said it myself last night, Rodgers now has one more Super Bowl MVP than Favre. I just never really liked the whole Brent who? meme and I had hoped it would eventually die, you know 3 years after he left and we had just won a Super Bowl and all. To me, this game was less about proving Favre wrong and more about proving everyone else who doubted Rodgers and TT wrong, including some hack named Colin Cowherd. Nick Collins would have needed at least one more pick six and maybe another turnover/3 sacks to steal the MVP trophy from Rodgers. There was no way that award was going to anyone else.

So apparently Christina Aguilera skipped a whole verse of the national anthem last night? Two things, who was the first person to actually notice this? Cuz I know it wasn't anyone at the bar that I was at. Second, is this even news except for the fact that the over/under of 1:54 became an under when it very easily would have gone over 2 minutes with the extra verse? If it's not Vegas relevant for the Super Bowl, it's not news!

One more pre Super Bowl tidbit before I delve into my Sunday, the Packers were sized for their Super Bowl rings Saturday night. Either that's what normally happens? Or that's a crotch full of bowling balls from the boys upstairs in the Packers organization haha. EDIT: That is not normal and it was McCarthy's decision.

Coming into this game I managed to watch zero pre game shenanigans until about 30 to 45 minutes before the game started. I got to the bar that I had watched every game at since my appearance at Lambeau christmas weekend when we crushed the Giants. I was hoping it would be dead and it was, first person there, got my seat right in the middle of the bar, just like usual. I wasn't nervous all week, but I started feeling that knot as soon as the opening kickoff came. The game started off slow, players working out their own nerves, couple of jabs met by both teams, little sloppy offensively. Then Rodgers heated up, two quick scores, high fives were everywhere, 14-0 Packers. The jitters were starting to fade.

The Steelers got a garbage field goal and Jarrett Bush stole a pick at around mid field. I believe my exact tweet at that moment, which I immediately knew was a mistake because I'm not a fan of Bush, was "Four more years of Bush!". This will be relevant shortly and I'll explain myself at further length. After that pick, I knew we were going to score again, I just had that feeling, but I said aloud, man I sure hope we don't leave more than a minute on the clock for Roethlisberger(Did you know he's raped multiple women?). Of course we immediately score and I was happy, but I kind of groaned because I could feel that inevitable end of the first half TD coming. Little did I know how terrible that drive would be for my psyche.

The Steelers started marching, fine whatever, but then Shields goes down, fuck. Ok, ok this is fine, we can handle this... Woodson goes down. FUCK. I'm cursing up a storm, the world is over, we're done, stick a fork in us, shit. I started making deals with the devil in my head, just bring one of the two back, I don't care which one, just bring one back, we can do this with one of these guys back. My concerns are immediately brought to light when Bush does his where's waldo routine in the corner of the end zone. The only thing that would have made that play better for me is if he had fallen down and started flailing around. The next tweet after my four more years of Bush was "I fucking hate Jarrett Bush", because I do. He's a dimeback/special teams guru at best at the NFL level, which is fine, teams need roleplayers too. Let's just not talk this guy up into being some greatly improved player because he's slightly less shitty this year compared to last year.

At this point in the game, Nick Collins is your non media biased MVP, his pick six was terrific and he was an absolute beast out there. Did you see the way he was flying up on receivers and running backs? He was hitting people so hard they were literally flying backwards from the point of contact. It was amazing to watch, it gave me chills. That was exactly what you want from your best safety in the Super Bowl. Big turnover, points scored, punishing hits on whoever is foolish enough to wander within 10 yards of him. You couldn't have asked for more.

Still, we were up 21-10 at halftime and I felt like we were losing, I kept frantically checking Twitter for updates on Shields and Woodson, nothing, nothing, worst Super Bowl halftime show ever, still nothing. Finally we got word that Shields was questionable to return, but he should be back, whew, there was a chance now, up 11 points with 30 minutes to go, that we could win.

We go 3 and out and the Steelers immediately score a touchdown, good god, everything was going wrong, another 3 and out. The god damn plane has crashed into the mountain. I sink into my chair and stare longingly up at the big screen, it's glow flickering around me, mocking me. We're going to tease you until the end and then rip your heart out... The Packers punted again near the end of the 3rd quarter, still clinging to a 21-17 lead. I stared at a few commercials, one made me smile I think, I was dejected though, right before the break was over I decided to step out to have a cigarette. I'm about 2 drags in and the back alley explodes in cheers, I text my buddy inside, What happened! "You're not allowed back inside" was his reply. It was the Mendenhall fumble, the Packers were on the move, more cheers. I quickly finished my smoke and ran back in. Right as I got around the entrance way corner and looked up at the TV, Rodgers was firing a pass at a wide open Jordy Nelson that went careening off his hands and into the defensive backfield. My buddy just scowled at me, "See? You're fucking jinxing us!".

Thus begins the worst possible way to end a Packer Super Bowl win that I ever could have imagined. I sat down and put my arm over my eyes and say, how about if I do this? Nelson catches the ball and scampers for about 37 yards down to the 2. Hmm. I watch the next play and Rodgers gets sacked on a broken play. Hmmm. I put my head down in my arm on the bar, Jennings touchdown. Ok this is getting creepy... I started off the Steelers drive not watching, but it didn't seem to affect them and I watched their drive all the way down for the score and 2 point conversion. 28-25 Packers with 7 minutes to go. I looked at my friend and said, I know what I have to do. I got up from the bar, went outside and got updates via texts for the last 7 minutes of the game. I was so convinced that I was jinxing the game by watching, that I stayed outside for the last 7 damn minutes of the game. If that's not insanity, I'm not sure how else you would define it.

I'll leave you with this tidbit from Aaron Nagler of CheeseheadTV. This is Mike McCarthy's misson statement after he was hired by the Packers in 2006.

RELAX.

Yesterday about 5 p.m., you would have thought that Ted Thompson took a dump on Curly Lambeau's statue, and wiped his ass with the American flag.

Free agency had started. The Packers had not held a gun to Chad Clifton's head and demand that he sign whatever they offered him therefore giving up the chance to check to see if he could cash in one last time. Clearly, Thompson did not utilize the Jack Bauer strategy of kidnapping Clifton's family and threatening their lives if he did not stay in Green Bay. It was obviously Thompson's fault for letting Clifton hit the open market, because the player has no choice in the matter.

Not only that but OMFG! The Bears paid an aging (pretty freakishly athletic, but still aging) 4-3 Defensive end, who doesn't like to work very hard, 6 years, 91.5 million with $42 mil guaranteed. Obviously, Thompson should have offered him $100 mil to play a position he had never played before! Either that or had him killed so that the Bears couldn't overpay him.

Then, Detroit went out and signed Kyle Vanden Bosch! And Nate Burleson!! They are going to win the Super Bowl!! And the Bears also signed a backup running back! GASP!

It was seriously panic on sports radio. Thompson had no plan, Chicago and Detroit were not going to lose a game except when they play each other. He Who Shall Not Be Named will be back, and the Vikings will be 12-4 (losing only to the Bears and Lions), the Pack was going to trot out Breno Giaciomini (sp) at left tackle, Rodgers was going to get injured in week one, and we traded away Brian Brohm and OMFG Matt Flynn is going to be our starter and we will go 0-16. This was all based on the fact that a 36 year old LT with bad hips and bad knees was going to visit Washington.

Oh, and overnight they signed Clifton to a 3 year, $20 mil deal. Seriously. Calm the fuck down. I would enjoy the Pack making a splash. But they will be fine. Ted has a plan, and he is working his plan. You (Packer fan) are not on the phone listening to what is going on. You can't just give the players everything they ask for without negotiating anything. If you did that, you would be the Washington Redskins. Or the Bears I guess. It will be fine. Have a can or 15 of Busch Light. Smoke some cigs. Eat some fried cheese. The Packers are still going to be fine. I will let you know when to panic.

The End?

I was actually going to try to get some work done this morning, but I am fighting hangover day 2 (more on that later), and I just got angry about the Packers after some conversations with co-workers, so I've got to get it off my chest.

Thankfully, I was in such rough shape yesterday during the game that I had a hard time mustering up the energy to get angry. I was just trying to stay alive.

PROBLEM: The special teams is an abortion. We cannot go on like this any longer. How many more times are we going to give the other team the ball at the Packers 30 yard line? Can we figure something else out here? I'm to the point where I would advocate just kicking it directly out of bounds and giving the other team the ball at the 40, because it would save us 30 yards of field position. And is it really that hard to TOUCH someone coming right up the middle on a punt? That was inexcusable. If a guy comes on the outside, so be it. So fucking frustrating.

ANSWER: I've really got none. We supposedly kept 14 FBs so they could play special teams. We also grossly overpaid Jarrett Bush because he was allegedly our best special teams player. But obviously whatever or whoever is supposed to be covering can't do it. Special teams has been a comedy of errors all year. Blocking and tackling would be a start.

PROBLEM: The O-line. I guess Tauscher was the answer to the problems that plagued us. Through my near death experience, I'm pretty sure Rodgers didn't get touched when Tauscher was in there. Then Tauscher "re-injured his knee" even though I never saw him get hurt. (Maybe it was walking to the locker room?). And Barbre played bull fighter again and Rodger got sacked 6 times. I mean, the O-line is historically bad. 37 sacks in 8 games. The all-time Packer record is 61. Rodgers is going to die.

ANSWER: Attach a healthy knee to Tauscher? Get someone off the street to replace Barbre? I mean, it was like the Bucs got replaced by the '85 Bears at halftime. I'm sure we don't have anyone better than Barbre, but could anyone be any WORSE?

PROBLEM: Penalties. They are bordering on insane.

ANSWER: Don't commit penalties. I've got nothing.

PROBLEM: Lack of pressure on the opposing QB.

ANSWER: I don't think we have the personnel that is capable of blitzing. We NEVER don't get blocked. Maybe the solution is not to blitz? It is a damned if you do, damned if you don't thing. Our linebackers are not good in coverage either. And the d-line can't get any pressure.

PROBLEM: Rodgers taking too many sacks.

ANSWER: I don't think there is a solution here either. He holds it because he's trying to make a play. He's just wired that way, just as He Who Shall Not Be Named was wire to throw it into triple coverage. I think Rodgers needs to take off an run more.

IN SUMMARY: We are fucked. Could we finish 4-12? Probably not, because we play the Lions. But I would say it is alot more likely than 12-4. Realistically, we should be favored against Detroit, Seattle and San Fran the rest of the year. I don't see any way we beat Dallas, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Arizona or Chicago. The chances of the playoffs are not good at all. I don't see much of a silver lining to losing to a bad 0-7 team with a rookie QB making his first NFL start.

And say we do go 7-9. What happens then? What happens when a team with Super Bowl expectations (albeit maybe overhyped) finishes third in their division and below .500? Heads have to roll, and I am sick of the same shit. Who goes? I predict McCarthy probably does, because the GM always gets two coaches. But the startling lack of playmakers and depth is making me doubt the TT way. In theory, I like his philosophy. But if it doesn't work, and I'm not sure it is, at what point do we have to give up? When do his failures outweigh the positives (and certainly there are some) to the point that we have to start over?

I'm sure things aren't as bad as they feel, and I'm overreacting to an awful performance. But is 4-4, with the schedule they have played, any reason to celebrate? I think not.

Huh?

Alright, I lied about it being my last post of the week. I meant the last long post. Anyways, Aaron Rouse was just let go, despite the fact that he was a starter, and despite the fact that everyone else is injured, and despite the fact that the guy we signed to replace him doesn't know the defense and won't be able to contribute this week. Bueller? Bueller? If this means a Jarrett Bush start, I'm going to stop by Lambeau on my way home and leave a bag of flaming shit.

PS. I'm glad I picked up Laurent Robinson. I may just have to start him this week.

The Packers Should Sign Vick

I'm quite sure that has shown up on 6.3 million blogs and sports-talk radio shows in the last month, but I haven't gotten to it yet. And since our fearless leader gave his classic response to the question yesterday, I guess I will tackle it.

I don't think Michael Vick is a very nice person. Anyone who electrocutes/drowns/tortures dogs earns that title. But he got convicted in a court of law, was sentenced to some time, and he did it. If he is good enough to play football, and someone wants to pay him to do it, he should be allowed. So from the NFL's standpoint, it is horseshit to keep him suspended.

Ignoring that factor, should the Packers sign him? I don't think Michael Vick is that great of a quarterback. He does things that nobody else can do, but he is extremely inaccurate as a passer. However, it is pretty tough to argue with the success he has had on the field. He adds an element that makes him a nightmare for defenses, even if he wouldn't be able to hit the ground if it wasn't for gravity. For the sake of argument, lets just say that he can get back to nearly where he was before he got caught gambling on canine MMA, factoring in that he will naturally be a step slower because he is two years older. Assuming that fact, can anyone honestly tell me that he wouldn't be a better backup QB than Matt Flynn or Brian Brohm? You can't, so don't even try. As a football player, which is what the Packer's play, Vick at game speed would be the best backup in the league, and probably in the top 20 starters.

While he doesn't fit the Packer's scheme at all, he doesn't fit ANY team's scheme. He isn't and never will be a normal QB, and every team runs a scheme for a normal QB. The mere threat of him taking off, negates most of his deficiencies.

It would be a shitstorm combined with a circus to have him here for training camp. But nothing is going to be worse than what happened last year with He Who Shall Not Be Named.

I'm not talking long term here, or to be brought in to compete with A-Rodg, but a year or two could be good for both sides. Vick would be able to show that he can not kill things, would generally stay out of trouble in GB because there isn't shit to do but play football, and could get some snaps here and there. Then he could move on, and by that point hopefully Brohm or Flynn would be ready. Or, if (Sports Bottle's) god forbid, A-Rodg goes down, we have someone with NFL experience to step in, and a bargain price. To me it is idiotic NOT to sign him.

But will they pull the trigger? No fucking way. The Packers haven't signed a controversial player (unless you count Andre Rison) in my life. And if you haven't noticed, Ted Thompson doesn't much like to take gambles, or not draft his own players. So unless we can fool Thompson into thinking that Vick is draft eligible somehow, it won't happen. Thompson's answers were his typical evasive answers, and he was clearly toying with the media. He would answer the same way if someone asked him if we were going to sign Bart Starr or Paul Hornung or a bag of dog shit. I would put the chances at .00045%

The Saga Continues?

The following are a list of reasons why He Who Shall Not Be Named decided to stay retired:

1) Couldn't go through 16 games due to his shoulder.

2) Hated practice and training camp.

3) Was allergic to taintsucking Viqueen fans.

4) Was afraid of dudes that look like Mr. McGoo.

5) Was afraid of being raped by Jared Allen.

6) Was afraid that with all the restaurant choices that existed in the Twin Cities area (see Ryan Longwell), he would get lost and end up back on the Vicodin.

7) Was afraid of albinos. (see Darrell Bevell).

8) Didn't want to tarnish his Packer legacy.

9) Had a torrid three way with McCarthy and Thompson that resolved all of their differences.

10) Wanted to cash in on that marketing deal with the Pack.

11) Was secretly trying to undermine the Viqueens all along at the direction of the evil Ted Thompson as payback for the tampering last season.

12) Missed his family.

13) Loved his tractors. Alot. Like in a not normal way.

Reasons why he will come back in three weeks:

1) Got jealous of another quarterback, any quarterback, throwing a TD pass. I mean like he is driving by a Pop Warner field.

2) Tired of not leading SportsCenter every day.

3) Misses Rachel Nichols living in his rose bushes.

4) Gets tired of cutting the grass every motherfucking day.

5) Deanna wants ANOTHER $10,000 handbag.

6) Deanna wants a $50,000 watch.

7) Deanna wants a $200,000 ring

8) Deanna wants a $150,000 car

9) Deanna wants a $1.2 million dollar yacht

10) Deanna wants a new beach house

11) The kids need shoes

12) Just a good 'ol boy who likes to compete.

13) Bus Cook needs money.

14) Scott Favre needs money.

15) Bonita Favre needs money.

16) Didn't mean he was going to stay retired FOREVER. Never actually said that. Just meant yesterday he was staying retired. Boy, the media sure likes to infer things!


I've thought about this whole sordid tale. If he really did stay retired, I would be allowed to say his name sometime around next year's Super Bowl, about February 1, 2011. His number could be retired in 2014, no earlier. Assuming he doesn't come back. Now I will mention him only when he either inevitably decides to come back, or when discussing how fucking stupid, gullible and sad Viqueen fans are.

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #9

If someone had told me in February that 14 games into the season, Braden Looper would be our unquestioned best starting pitcher, I would have guessed our record would be 2-12. While we aren't far from that, I still don't think it is a great sign going forward. But Looper has been pretty impressive. He throws a strike on the first pitch almost every single time, which seems to be key to getting guys out because major league hitters rarely swing at the first pitch.

Mr. Coffey got another save, and while he didn't look great doing it, I still think he would be a serviceable closer if and when Hoffman dies of old age. Villa actually looked really good last night too. Is it just the pressure of closing or starting that he can't handle? Because his stuff was disgusting last night.

How do you go from giving up 11 runs one night, to nearly shutting a team out the next? And Philly didn't even threaten much until the ninth. If we can somehow coax a win out of "Bushie" today, it would be a huge, huge step in the right direction.

Afternoon games while I have nothing to do at work are great. I will be staring at my computer screen with the "Penske File" open on my desk and a pen in my hand between 12 and 3 today.

AS AN ASIDE:

Thompson got outbid by Syracuse for Paulus when he refused to give up a pair of free shoes and a helmet.

Pre-Draft Manifesto

I've got quite a bit of time on my hands right now, so I figured I would drop some stink nuggets regarding the upcoming draft, the Packers, and how drunk I plan to get on Saturday.

-I think the Packers need to address the following needs, in order: 1)D-Line, 2) OLB, 3)O-Tackle, 4)Corner. We could also probably use some depth at: 1)Safety, 2)G/C, 3) and to a lesser extent TE/RB/QB. Essentially, we don't really have much use for a WR drafted anywhere before about the 6th round.

-Ted's wish list is as follows: 1)WR, 2)TE, 3)QB, 4)RB, 5)K. Also, a few trade downs are likely. I would expect some ejections from Lambeau on Saturday if we draft anything but a oft discussed player for the front seven, a tackle or Michael Jenkins. I suppose if Crabtree fell to us, you wouldn't hear too many complaints, as he appears to be somewhat special, and if you can get a special gamebreaker, I suppose you get him.

-My head tells me that there is no way Thompson goes off the reservation with this pick and picks someone we've never heard of, or trades the pick. But every year, he does something semi-insane (other than drafting Hawk), so I really have no reason to think he won't do it again. It is really pretty useless to even guess, because he is obviously alot smarter than me, because I'm writing about him doing a job, and he is (sort of) actually doing the job.

-Best Case Scenario #1: Trades the pick in some sort of package to get Julius Peppers.

-Best Case Scenario #2: He stays put and gets an impact player for the 3-4, or our left tackle for the next 10 years.

-Worst Case Scenario #1: Stays put and picks Mark Sanchez or Beanie Wells (I've seen both predicted by "experts")

-Worst Case Scenario #2: Stays put and picks someone truly random like Ted Thompson special: Casey Fitzgerald, WR from North Texas (113 catches).

-Worst Case Scenario #3: Thompson trades down for a 5th, 6th and two 7ths, is murdered by a dude who had a gun under his cheese head, and the ensuing riot burns down Lambeau, forcing the Packers to play their home games at City Stadium for the next 5 years before crumbling under the economy/lack of salary cap, and eventually moving to LA.

- I think he plays it close to the vest this year, because he has always been a little disliked in GB, and one more bad season might lead to his forced departure.

-I plan to drink alot. My assumption is that not only will I drink a shitload of beer, but that Richard's brother is going to revert to age 22 and spend about $700 buying rounds of shots starting at like noon. I plan to be semi-embarrassing when my wife inevitably meets us out at like 8 pm and I can no longer talk. I've got three months of taxes, and a diet which has left me with a bunch of pent up drinking aggression that is going to be let out on Saturday.

-I plan to use the word fuck about 7,460 times Saturday, with the frequency increasing as the day goes on. I bet I have at least one parent yell at me for swearing in front of their six year old.

-Richard's sister will cut in line in front of a handicapped/old/young person to get an autograph from a grown up who gets paid to play football.

-I will be a grown man who wears another grown man's jersey.

-Richard's dad will spend somewhere between $20 and $6,000 on random Packer touristy memorabilia, that will probably contain Calvin wearing a Packer uniform, pissing on a Viking logo.

-We will all order the same thing at Stadium View (boneless hot wings, bloody mary, miller lite chaser).

-We will all fit right in with "those people".

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #7

I didn't get a chance to watch the game yesterday. I spent 6.5 hours putting a screen door on my house. I guess I'm not sure what I would have rather been doing yesterday. Gallardo was awesome. Rickie Weeks covering first? He was Rickie Weeks. The Crew is guaranteed to be 3-9 after today's Jeff Suppan start. Not much else to say. Looking forward to getting drunk and getting into a fistfight with Ted Thompson next weekend at the draft.

PS. I've got "Outside the Lines" on in the background. Evander Holyfield should really not be boxing any more. I'm just sayin'.

This Just Occurred to Me

So I really don't have time to do this (I know, all I do is piss and moan, but I am going to drive to the IRS headquarters and kill everyone), but something just occurred to me regarding this Cutler to the Bears trade. The Packers would NEVER make this trade. TWO first rounders? No. Fucking. Way. The Pack might not even trade the third rounder. OR Orton. If God (Sports Bottle's) himself was available to play quarterback, the Packers needed one, and all it would take would be two first round picks, the Packers would refuse. They wouldn't even trade a 3rd rounder for Randy Moss for fucks sake.

I still think the price was way too steep. This has Herschel Walker written all over it (not quite). I guess we can look forward to Denver winning like 4 Super Bowls in the '10s.

Fuck Denver. Fuck Chicago. Fuck Cutler. Have a super happy fun weekend (I'll be at work).

Cutler and the "Other" League

So the Broncos came out and said they are going to trade Cutler. Here are the pros and cons as I see it, broken down in list form:

CON: The Broncos gave up all of their leverage as far as getting a decent offer.
PRO: It could have been intentional in order to fuck over Cutler, so they can use the excuse they didn't get any good offers. And if they didn't want to trade him, painting him as being a fuckbag (like they did) is a good way to scare teams off.

The Lions are considering offering the number one overall pick.

PRO: I guess from the Lions standpoint, they are getting a somewhat proven commodity. They get no worse than a competent starting QB, and could have a perennial Pro Bowler. With the first pick, they could get another Joey Harrington in Matt Stafford. The Broncos get the number one pick for giving up a player they don't want anyway.

CON: That is a pretty steep fucking price to pay for a guy who has never been to the playoffs, and seems like a bit of a headcase. The Lions would have to get something additional I would think (player, pick, etc.). I can't think of anyone other than another pick being traded for the number one overall pick. The Lions better be pretty sure there isn't anyone they could pick that would be better than Cutler. Right now, here are the list of players who would be worthy of trading the number one pick straight up for: Peyton Manning, Adrian Peterson, Tom Brady (if 100% healthy). That's the list.

The most important question: How might this affect Green Bay?

PRO: It won't unless one of the NFC North teams trade for him, and all three have been rumored to be trading for every QB on every team in the past two years or so. All three have shitty quarterbacks. If one of the other teams do trade for him, and it doesn't work out, the fallout will be spectacular.

CON: If it did work out, and he turns out to be great, then we have to face him twice a year for 10 years or so. That would suck.

In conclusion, Thompson should offer the Broncos his first, second and third for their 4th through 7th round picks. Plus a 6th and 7th next year. It would work out perfect. Fuck Jay Cutler.

IN "OTHER" LEAGUE NEWS:

So I'm in that "other" fantasy baseball league. We had an online draft the other night, which took three plus hours because all 12 guys showed up, and all took the entire allotted amount of time on every pick (except for me). I got ripped for taking Ryan Braun at number 5, when another dude took Manny at 8. Everyone else was drafting "prospects" in the early-ish rounds. Guys that are going to be great for a half year, or next year (David Price, etc.). In the comments, they justified every pick with spring training stats. My comment was continuously that spring training stats don't count. Everyone is convinced that J.J. Hardy is going to hit .381 with 60 HRs because he is hitting well in Spring Training. My response was that he will hit 52 of those in a two week stretch, and then hit .112 the rest of the year. Their mindsets are incredible.

So the draft was two days ago. Some dude got up at 5:30 a.m. this morning to pick up Pudge fucking Rodriguez, and then bragged about it. It is going to be pretty difficult to completely bite my tongue for the whole season.

Deep Thoughts By Ted Thompson

I can think of at least one person who isn't going to like these much, but in case you haven't seen these quotes anywhere else I'm just going to let them wash over you. I encourage you to think hard about them, let them roll over your brain cells like a glass of fine wine over your taste buds. Perhaps enjoy a nice Cuban cigar.

"I am confident in our team," Thompson said Tuesday. "I think we have a fair group of players that now can play the game and play it well. I don't think we played as well as we should have last year. Notwithstanding, I think we have a good group of players who make up our team." (Ed. Note: Really? The defense didn't play that well? Obviously it was just dumb luck, or the strength coach, or the defensive scheme, and not that half the defense is made up of back ups.)

It would be logical to think he's expecting a couple of starters out of this class. But he's not even certain he needs to do that. "I don't know that's a particular goal," Thompson said. "It would be nice. It kind of depends on what's there when it's our turn to pick. We're pretty solid in our starting lineup." (Ed. Note: Yeah. It would be nice to get a starter with the ninth fucking pick. Of course, you are going to trade it for 6 7th rounders. But I'm sure you will find a no name o-lineman in round 5 that will end up starting so you can declare this draft a success.)

And my personal favorite: "Well, as I’ve said, you can’t base your draft on need, but in a perfect world maybe it scratches a particular itch and adds to some groups where you have a particular need at. But you never know."
At the same time, would he also consider drafting a receiver? "Sure," he said with a chuckle.
What about Michael Crabtree? "I can’t speak to anybody specific." (Ed. Note: Last year, after the Justin Harrell debacle, I predicted a WR with our first pick, and it came true. This year, its going to be either a) a wide receiver or b) a quarterback. Neither of whom you will have ever heard of. That is just how Ted rolls. Take the last position on the team we really need and pick it.)

He is making it ever hard to defend him. I'm trying really, really hard. But he is so hard to like. He is just downright defiant. I guess you have to respect him for sticking to his guns. But he is starting to sound more and more like former (thank (Sports Bottle's) god) President Bush.

I Guess I Should Post Something

- The NFL free agent situation as it pertains to the Green Bay Packers is getting a bit awkward for me. While all of the other teams are seemingly blowing every nickel they can find, the Packers have had exactly ONE player even come to Green Bay for a visit. Two guys are already off the board that I thought the Packers might be interested in making a run at. And from everything I've read, the Packers didn't even talk to the guys (Haynesworth and Canty). To be fair, I think both guys probably got overpaid, and I don't think the Packers should overpay guys. But their "system" seems to be to wait until anyone I've heard of has been signed by someone else, so they don't have to spend any money. Now, maybe Ted Thompson is some kind of mad scientist genius who has a Moneyball-esque system to evaluate talent. But if that is the case, it hasn't really paid off yet. I am still giving Thompson my trust (prepare for a 10,000 word rebuttal from Richard), but the whole thing is getting a little tiresome. Obviously, we were lacking in talent at alot of places on defense (see d-line), and we switched to a system we probably don't have pieces for, so I would at least like to see a little effort here.

-Shout out to jsonline.com's excellent Free Agent/Packer blog.

-Why all the talk of the Vikings being interested in Jay Cutler? They are already the overwhelming favorites because of the Sage Rosenfels trade. The Vikings can only play one QB, right? Oh wait, Sage Rosenfels fucking sucks.

-Braden Looper is the the DL because he pulled a muscle sneezing. Gagne pulled one trying to shoot himself up. Fielder pulled one walking to first base. Weeks pulled one swinging and missing. Might as well start this train up early.

-March Madness is on-ish. Arch Madness starts tomorrow, and I'm getting the feeling that a win or two by CU will get them an at-large. You might remember about a month ago when I said if they won out, they would get an at-large. Well, they proceeded to win ten straight. Also, I think Bucky is safe, and I think the World Baseball Classic might be a distraction to work for a few weeks.

-Leinie's Classic Amber? Meh. Tastes an awful lot like La Crosse Lager, although I don't believe it is fully krausened. (Ed. note: I have to point out that in the spell check "krausened" came up as "kerosene". I don't think this is a coincidence).

-I've already lost a pound on my diet.

-Work sucks my dick.

The First "Dom"ino?

So word is that the Pack has finally hired someone to be defensive coordinator, and that someone is Dom Capers. I'm satisfied with that selection. Statistics say he was the best choice all along, and he is definitely a proven commodity as a defensive coordinator. It is unknown whether he will run a 3-4, 4-3, hybrid 3-4/4-3 or a 2-2-7 (the only defense the Packers have the personnel to run). But I think what makes me the most excited is that with the hiring of a coach that could run a 3-4, could come the signing of a freak of an athlete named Julius Peppers, who wants to play in a 3-4. Capers gives the Packers the scheme, to go along with the piles of money lying around that they have to sign him. History does not suggest Ted Thompson will actually pull the trigger on this. But at this point, Green Bay has to be the favorite, don't they? All of this assumes Carolina doesn't give Peppers the middle finger and franchise him. However, Carolina supposedly has to choose between Peppers and all-world left tackle Jordan Gross (one will be a free agent). So if they franchise Peppers, I say we sign Gross.

The moral of this whole story is that Dom Capers is the first piece to the puzzle that is going to lead to a Super Bowl title next year.

The Packers, Fake Teams, Sloppy Seconds and Hockey?!?!?

That was six losses in seven games. That isn't very good. I am tending to take the same position as the Sports Bottle took regarding the remainder of the Packer season, but I am feeling more and more like I am being forced into taking the position that his girlfriend took at 5 a.m. the other day. I'm not really sure what I mean by that other than I am sick and tired of seeing the same thing repeated over, and over and over again (see above reference to Sports Bottle's girlfriend), and getting the same results. I'm also sick and tired of hearing McCarthy talk about "fixing things" and "lack of communication" and other bullshit coach speak after every week. I'm also sick of handing the fullback the ball on 4th and 1. Clearly, there are a large number of issues with this team. Here is my list, in no particular order: 1) play calling on offense, 2) talent at a number of positions, 3) youth, 4)play calling on defense, 5) lack of accountability for dipshitedness.

Again, tending to take the "relax" route. But with one condition. If we play the Lions on December 28th, and the Lions are 0-15, and we fucking lose, Thompson better have the balls to fire everyone on the coaching staff. Seriously. That would be the nail in the coffin for me. I we lose 8 of 9 capped off by a home loss to an 0-15 team? There would be no hope for a turnaround, and no where else to turn.

I kicked Richard's monkey ass in the OJSFA semi-finals thanks to a tremendous 4th quarter by league MVP Phil Rivers. I was sweating the decision when Rivers had -.08 points at halftime. Romo performed pretty well too. I've got some tough matchups next week as I take on the winner of a seemingly tight Twinkie-Bear matchup in the other semi.

I've got to wiegh in on Sean Avery. This is sort of old, but it keeps popping up and is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Avery is a hockey player for those who don't know. He is one of these types that talks alot, has "personality", and says really dumb things. He's like an NFL wideout. A few weeks ago, he made a crack about some other NHLer dating his ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert (aka Jack Bauer's daughter, aka would be hot if she wasn't so fucking annoying and stupid in 24), and referring to her as "sloppy seconds". I got a chuckle out of it. NHL commish Gary Bettman apparently didn't get the joke and suspended him for SIX games. Are you fucking kidding? Are we in Russia? SIX games for saying "sloppy seconds" not in reference to the bosses daughter or wife? And then if that wasn't insane enough, his team, the Dallas Stars, comes out and basically says that he's fired and they won't have him back. Really? Look I don't follow hockey. It is my understanding that Avery is good-ish, and is one of those "enforcer" dudes that punches people alot. Anyway, he is getting FIRED for saying this (although I assume there are other in-house issues at work, I'm going to assume for the sake of this rant that there isn't). And he is alledgedly relatively good! The whole world is going to hell in a handbasket. This makes my head hurt.

The Surplus, CC and The Bloody Bengal Tigers

I had a funny thought yesterday. Someone called into the local sports talk radio and asked if Ted Thompson gets to keep what the Packers don't spend from their salary cap. That in and of itself is sort of hilarious, but what was funny was that on "The Office" this week, the same thing happened. There was a budget surplus, and Michael got to keep a percentage as a bonus if it wasn't spent. I wonder what Thompson's cut of the $20mil or so is? I'm definitely not a Thompson basher, and would probably lean more towards apologist land. However, clearly a smartly selected veteran or two from the free agent pool couldn't have hurt. Sitting on the money is stupid, but equally stupid would be to blow it like it grows on trees, like most would have him do. I think the Packers as an organization are kind of similar to the Brewers in that they can't afford to make tragic and expensive mistakes on high priced free agents, and need to be someone selective. That being said, I can't imagine there wasn't one or two guys out there that wouldn't have broken the bank, and would've been more helpful than most of the draft picks this year were.

Speaking of the Brewers, I guess CC isn't coming after all. I'm not going to believe he actually signed until I see him in pinstripes, because there have been incorrect stories all off season about when he was signing and with who. Yesterday there was a story blowing around that CC outright told the Yankees to get bent and the Brewers were the front runners. The whole hot stove rumor thing is rather ridiculous. But at least we got Mike Lamb and Todd Coffee!

Bucky BARELY held on last night in a snooze-fest against Idaho St. I say snooze-fest because I kept dozing off to the dulcet tones of Craig Coshoun, and bricks being laid by the Badgers. Any time a Big Sky team comes into Madison and has a last second shot to win, that doesn't bode well for your tourney chances. But historically, Bucky plays down to its competition, and will probably rattle off 10 or 11 Big Ten wins, which will put them in the hunt for a 6 seed or so. If UWGB (who has been borderline great since getting blown out by a D-II team) knocks them off Saturday, we may have a problem. Marcus Landry would be only about the 4th best player on alot of other Big Ten teams, and he is relied on to be our main man, which might not be good. Also, he is probably the only non-gangster/Mormon to have two kids in college.

Big game tonight in the Big O. I'll leave most of the good analysis to the great Kyle Whelliston at Mid-Majority.com. I think Dayton is probably a better team at this point. But both CU loses came on the road, both big Dayton wins were at home, Dana has kicked his team in the ass, and CU rarely loses at the Qwest. I can only hope that finals don't lower the crowd number. CU 65, Dayton 63

Trade Deadline

So it was brought to the attention of the JSOnline readers that earlier this week TT decided to offer a 3rd round draft choice for Tony Gonzalez while the Chiefs wanted a 2nd round choice. In the past TT has been unwilling to trade for two current studs in Michael Turner and Randy Moss, now granted we have a great wide receiving corps and we probably didn't NEED Randy Moss, but we definitely could have used Turner, we'd be paying him about the same as we are paying Grant right now, especially if Grant hits his incentives(not looking that way right now). Randy Moss would have been great, but we probably would have over-payed for a very good wide receiver who would bail out on us near the end of his contract if he felt like his situation wasn't ideal, so I'm not all that upset about missing the boat on him.

Back to Gonzalez, he is probably in the top 3 or 4 for receiving tight ends in the league, depending on if you count Kellen Winslows's 3 seasons of motorcycle accidents and syphilis as dependable enough to rank him higher than Tony. Not only that he's a complete tight end, he can block as well, now he may not be the best blocking tight end, but as I've already mentioned, great receiver AND he can block, so that's just a nice bonus. Donald Lee isn't a bad tight end, in fact I think he's good enough that once him and Rodgers develop a real rapport he'll start seeing a lot of balls thrown his way, and not swollen Kellen Winslow balls either, actual footballs.

The fact that we could have gotten T-Gon for a 2nd round pick, which has been a crapshoot thus far for TT, makes me wonder. We got Nick Collins and Greg Jennings, but we also drafted Terrence Murphy, Daryn Colledge(who will probably be let loose after his rookie contract), Brandon Jackson(verdict is still out on him, but I think he's terrible), and now this year, Nelson, Brohm and Patrick Lee the corner. Go through that list, tell me who you'd rather have than Tony Gonzalez. Greg Jennings, maybe Nick Collins? We'd also have just as good of a chance that TT would trade down that pick and turn it into 17 6th round picks(that's an exaggeration). Gonzalez also just said he was only going to play for another 3 years, which doesn't screw up our long term goals to keep our salary cap under control while we sign some of our younger studs we have on the team right now to long term deals.

I guess in the end I'm at least happy that we made an offer instead of just sitting on our hands, and hopefully Donald Lee starts getting more looks, but man I really think it would have helped our offense to have a safety valve like Gonzalez running around the field...

More 4

I would take the distraction of Jason Taylor over the distraction of Brett Favre in a second.

In reality, we probably would be better off with Favre than Rodgers. But the way dickhead went about it, there is no way Thompson could let that happen.

A few other things: I would like to thank ESPN for making Thomspon look as creepy as possible and Favre as innocent as possible on the front page right now. Clearly you can see who's side they are on.

For a very good run-down of what a fucktaster Favre has been since the NFC championship game was over, and how his claim that the Packers don't love him is fucking bullshit and he's got some type of complex that only Peter King can fix, check this out on JSOnline. Thompson has said all of the right things, whether or not he means them.

LET'S VENT!!!!!

I wish I was the guy above right now. If I have to hear ONE more FUCKING rumor that Favre is coming back, I might be that guy. Look, I love Favre about as much a man can love another (I know that I say that quite a bit), but I'm serious. He is maybe the best player in Packer history, but certainly the best in my lifetime (narrowly edging Vince Workman). That being said, as I told a friend earlier, I am boarding a plane to Mississippi right now, along with my good pal A-Rodg to choke the life out the former #4. I don't know if the rumors are true, and they seem to be pretty vague. That, and Favre allegedly told a paper in Mississippi that it is "Just a rumor." But that doesn't make it better for a man that lives in the greater Green Bay area, when I have to listen to this shit. I nearly cried when Favre retired, but there was also a sense of relief in a way, because then I didn't need to stress out every offseason, and I didn't have to go into every season with extremely high expectations. He finally appeared to let go, and A-Rodg was given the keys, and came out of his shell. Now every fuckhead on earth is talking about this big decision that the Pack allegedly has to make. My opinion: There is no decision. He wants to come back, let him. But let him go the way of Joe Montana and do it someplace else. What kind of message does that send the rest of the team if you do whatever Favre wants? What would happen to A-Rodg? There are way too many potential negatives here. I don't want to see Favre play for anyone else, but at this point, I would have a hard fucking time dealing with him playing for the Packers after he ripped my heart out 4 months ago.....unless we won the Super Bowl, then all would be forgiven. But the chances of that are slim. What if time catches up to Favre, they kick A-Rodg in the nuts, and we end up with NO QB in two years? There are too many what-ifs, but I am just SO sick and fucking tired of this shit.

Ultimately, the decision is up to T.T. If he doesn't believe in A-Rodg, then go ahead. Or if you think Brohm is better, then fine I guess. I trust Thompson with my life, unless he needs to be counted on to spend my money, but that is another story. If he decides that, so be it, but that doesn't mean I won't be bitter.

One Bastard's Illegitimate Thoughts

- Big rumor this week in GB is the Pack trying to trade for Jason Taylor. I would be surprised to see Thompson give up any kind of draft pick in a trade. He hoards draft picks like they are the only known cure for zombie bites, and he knows something that I don't. That being said, when you have the opportunity to add someone of his caliber (even though he is on the downside of his career), and it is going to improve your team right now, then you probably need to do it. I would consider even a second round pick. This is totally a move one makes in Madden, when you have a guy that starts, and his backup that are ranked like 84 each(KGB or Jenkins), but you can add a guy in free agency that is ranked 90, you do it whether you really need to or not because it makes your whole team better. In this case, I would make goddamn fucking sure he played at least two years though. Maybe a new contract with a really low base salary, but a huge roster bonus next year?

- Neddy very nearly fucked that one up. I can't really argue with removing Bush. And probably nearly everything else he did. But why put a sub par pitcher in after a sub par guy fucked up right before? Either way, Torres arm better be as rubber as everyone says, cuz Yosty is going to be running him out there for 3 innings a game pretty soon because he is trying desperately to keep his job. 39-33 is not too fucking bad really. I just don't like Yost.

-What was the Blue Jays outfielder doing on that fake in the park homer by Prince?

-I would probably let Russell the Muscle watch when I jerk off Ryan Braun. He is that good right now. Wait, was that gay?

-I won $60 playing poker last night.