Proof that Florio is a hack

As much as I would have loved to see CM3 win DPOY, alas it was not to be as Troy Polamalu secured the award minutes ago. I'm fine with this, the Pro Bowl spurn sent Rodgers and Tramon on a tear, time for Matthews to get pissed off and go ape shit on Big Ben, who, for the record, is a known rapist. I just think it's funny that PFT sucks so much ass now they have to post articles like this before the award is even announced.



Congratulations Mike Florio, you're awful at your job.

Clay Matthews III's golf tournament/rape party

So this weekend is the big charity golf tournament in the Dells, something called the McGovern Charity golf tournament. That's all well and good, good on Clay for being the host, good on the Packers for doing the charity. Not so good on this whole thing. But really, what else is there to do in Wisconsin Dells other than get drunk and have drunken sex with the locals? According to this young woman on Twitter, she ran into Clay and some of the other Packers at a bar called Showboat! I assume this place is pretty classy. Do I know if Clay Matthews had anything to do with this? No, I didn't bother to count the number of Packers in the golf tourney and see if it was greater or less than the 7 involved in the story. This just happened this morning... BREAKING NEWS!


According to Aaron Nagler of Cheesehead TV, these are the following players who were interviewed by the police.

The Claymaker Should Watch His Back

I made a joke after Clay Matthews was drafted that he may have been using PEDs (not funny). Here was a guy that barely got a college scholarship that ended up being a first round pick, and was ridiculously ripped. I have no knowledge of whether this is or isn't true. Plus, we all know that NFL players might take a few liberties here and there with what they put into their bodies, and nobody really cares.

Yesterday, Brian Cushing of the Houston Texans, the Defensive Rookie of the Year, was suspended for PED use. Not remarkable except that he was a college teammate of Clay Matthews at USC, and they played the same position, and it is a pretty good bet that they hung out a lot. You can see why this could be a bit concerning. Also, Google "Clay Matthews Steriods". As a Packer fan you will be horrified. So Clay, please make sure you are mindful of what happened, and don't get suspended, because the Pack needs you to play every game. Because Brady Poppinga sucks. Thank you.

I Don't Know

That is really the only thing I can use to describe what happened. I don't know.

Two of my bosses (one of whom is almost as much of a fan as me, and who was distraught, and one of whom is not even close (i.e. will now root for the Vikings because they are in the same division) and is seemingly going to move on with his life like nothing happened) tried to talk to me about the game. And I really couldn't say anything. It is almost hard to believe that it happened at all. Like it was some sort of elaborate dream/nightmare that I endured starting back in August, with everything coming crashing down yesterday. I'm not sure that it is fair to just look at yesterday to realize how insane yesterday was. I don't know.

I think to get the full effect, you need to start in the preseason. The whole season was a roller coaster that ended with a 500 foot drop into a brick wall. In the preseason, we dominated everything in sight, and went from possible playoff contender, but probably not a playoff team, to a trendy Super Bowl pick. Then the season shaky, eventually leading to the Tampa loss, which was rock bottom and everyone had unanimously counted us out of any chance of the playoffs (me included). Then everything clicked, on both sides of the ball (except for the 500 yd blip at Pittsburgh), especially on offense, and we rolled to 7-1, and were pretty big presumptive favorites at Arizona.

I had quit at least three times yesterday. Down 17-0, with the offense not working well, and the defense stopping nobody, I didn't have alot of confidence, and I was pretty bummed. Then, we get to 24-10, I'm feeling slightly better, but still not real confident. Then 31-10, I give up again. Then Rodgers starts matching Warner (who by the way, was placed in a Delorean by (Sports Bottle's) god before the game with the flux capacitor set to 1999) throw for throw, we get a ballsy onside kick and eventually things are tied up. Then, we make the mistake of allowing the Cardinals to get the ball back with more than 30 seconds and they march down into chip shot range (give up #3), and Rackers fucking gags. Then we win the toss and I scream, which should tell you right there the problem with the NFL playoff system. Basically, I was convinced that the coin flip was going to decide our season. Well, it turns out that 400+ yds, 4TD passes and a TD run can be wiped out by an unblocked blitzing corner. Enter the brick wall.

Oddly, that was possibly the least soul crushing, soul crushing loss I've ever experienced. Had we been up by three TDs and blew it, it would have been the worst ever. But the fact that the Pack's offense stepped up and played like they did, and McCarthy's decisions on offense and kicking that onside at the absolute perfect time led to a huge comeback made this easier to swallow. At least three times the game was over. We had no business winning that game. You could look at it one way and say "If we score 45, we should win 100% of the time" which is absolutely true. But if you give up 51, and lose the turnover battle 3 to 1, you should lose every time. I'm not at all taking this well mind you, but I'm not going to look back on this loss ten years from now and cringe/panic to change the channel ala: 4th and 26, The Interception/Ice Bowl III (NFC Title loss to Giants), Horse Tooth Helicopter/Super Bowl XXXII, The Fumble/The Catch II. And it SUCKS being on the wrong end of an all-time NFL classic playoff game. And believe me, we will be seeing replays of this game 20 years from now.

Now that I have the "positive" or rather non-negative things out of the way. FIFTY ONE FUCKING POINTS!?!?!!? I don't get it at all. I stole the defensive game plan, and here it was: 1) Don't get within 5 yards of anyone wearing red, they have AIDS; 2) let all of the receivers run free; 3) When they do catch a pass, leave your feet and dive at the receivers with one arm (this applies especially to any linebacker not named Clay Matthews); 4) All blitzing linebacker other than Matthews should get picked up by whatever running back stays into block (see the rest of the year); 5) Repeat. Did we just get completely out game planned on defense? We had the number one defense in the fucking league and we got WORKED. Warner was unreal, but most NFL caliber QBs are going to dominate when they are not being touched and throwing to wide open receivers. By the second half I was chuckling to myself, because I couldn't believe what I was watching. It became funny. And even funnier when we started doing the same thing to them. I can't come up with one single reason why it was that bad. Atari Bigby getting hurt doesn't help, but he wasn't that good to begin with. I don't know. We don't get to the playoffs without the defense, but that was despicable. I don't know.

I just don't know.

Draft Review

As I settle in for a non-HD Brewer game (what the fuck?)(ED NOTE: That bitch Jeff Karstens just purposely drilled Braun in the back, and now Macha is bitter that Looper won't get a free shot later), I figured I would try to pump out the long awaited NFL Draft/Packer Draft/Draft Party/Swearing in front of little kids party, review.

PACKERS

I was thoroughly impressed. It seems like everyone else was too. Many important publications have used thier publishing power to declare the Packers draft to be superior to many others. Although part of me wanted Crabtree, I think they did the smart thing. (Until Crabtree has 17 catches for 161 yards and 3 TDs against GB later this year, and Raji turns into Cletedius Hunt). I like the idea of the Pack trading up to get Matthews more than I actually like Matthews probably, but I don't get paid to decide these things, so right now, I'm going to assume Matthews is the greatest non-steroid abusing LB to gain 80 lbs of muscle and go from walk on to 1st round NFL pick in 3 years. Both guys should start (and lets be honest, if Matthews can't beat out Poppinga, Thompson might as well pack his bags now). I feel like we added some decent depth later on, even though I've heard of none of them.

NFL

-What in the fuck were the Raiders doing? Seriously, I can't wait until they sign Vick later in the year. I almost feel like someone needs to assassinate Al Davis.

-How is Josh Freeman a number one pick? I'll be honest, I watch a lot of college football, and I think the only time I ever heard of him was when Allan Everidge of UW transferred here because he lost the job to Freeman. Everidge couldn't stay ahead of Dustin Sherer. Who sucks. I'm just saying, this NFL draft thing is bizarre sometimes. You could logically make the argument that Freeman was no better than the 6th QB in his CONFERENCE (Bradford, McCoy, Harrell, Daniels and maybe the fat kid from Kansas). So essentially, Tampa is dropping 20 mil or so on a guy who is big, fast, has a strong arm, but is the QB of a 5-7 team (including two wins over North Texas and Montana St.). I realize that doesn't mean everything, but I guess my point is that the NFL draft is weird.

-I'm glad to see that the Lions will suck for 6 more years. Stafford may not have even been the best QB in the draft. Most years he would have been a late first rounder at best. He is a less musically inclined version of Joey Harrington.

- I'm glad to see that the Vikings remain the Oakland Raiders of the NFC. But really, 5'6", injury prone potheads generally make great NFL wide receivers. How tall are you LoafCobra? And even if Harvin does end up being good, you can guarantee Childress is going to piss away at least two years trying to figure out how to use him effectively. He is a shorter version of Troy Williamson.

-The Bears drafted nobody of consequence, but all the experts are trying to pass off a trade for a third year alcoholic, diabetic quarterback as a draft pick because he was traded for draft picks. Fucking stupid.

THE P.J. HILL EXPERIMENT

"The fucking plane has crashed into the fucking mountain!"--The Big Lebowski

-I've always been a huge fan of P.J. (cough). This has got to be one of the stupidest things anyone has ever done. I realize he probably wasn't helping his stock all that much by coming back. Bielema has been trying to get him out for two years now, and I'm pretty certain John Clay is your starter no matter what. But if the writing was on the wall, don't you think he could have transferred somewhere? Somewhere that he could have played? Someone would have let him come over (D-II or something). He had some talent, just not enough speed or durability to make it in the Big Ten. But why just give up? Obviously, he wasn't drafted, and he still hasn't made it on as free agent any place. So now what? No free education, and no football. McDonald's here we come!

DRAFT PARTY

-It started out with Richard and his family eschewing the checking into the hotel, so they could go directly to the Tilted Kilt. Which is really a sluttier version of Hooters. My wife's favorite saying is "I really want to go back there because the food was so good, but all the saggy tits in my food is disgusting." What she really meant to say is, "If the chicks were hotter, we would go there once a week." After that we headed over to the Stadium View and drank a little. I was driving the wife so I didn't drink too much.

-Running Diary of Saturday (what I remember. Perhaps Richard can fill in the voids)

I really would like to apologize for what I think was a bitch performance (maybe I'm wrong). But I really don't remember much at all. I don't know if it was the fact that I don't drink as much as I used to, the fact that I've lost 20 lbs or the fact that I ate 5 chicken wings the entire day.

10:30am-- I arrive at Stadium View for a bloody.

11:00am-- I order a beer.

11:30am-- We order one of those giant ass tubes full of beer, and 4 of us destroy it in less than an hour.

12:30pm-- I go stand in the freezing ass cold/rain outside Lambeau. I am about a 7 out of 10 trashed already.

2:00pm--We are let in. I dash to the elevator for a $4.50 beer.

2:15-4 ish-- I stay pretty decent until the Packers pick. I remember all of that pretty clearly.

4 to 10-- A bunch of shit happened I guess.

I remember wandering around and drinking.

I remember pissing alot.

I remember looking at Lambeau from a Skybox.

I remember having at least 2 shots at Curly's and straight up giving up watching the draft by about pick 28.

I remember having quite a few more beers.

The only conversation I remember at all was with the 90 year old dude who is an emeritus member of the Packer board, and he foolishly let Richard and I wear his Super Bowl ring.

I remember that there are pictures of this.

I remember taking that cheap ass, ugly ass hat they gave us at the door and bending the brim upside down (or that might have been Richard, I don't remember).

I remember for some reason wandering about 3/4 of the way around the stadium outside.

I remember getting into a cab to go to "Fuzzy's #63" to go hang out with Packer great Fuzzy Thurston.

I know we had at least one more shot there, and I'm sure I had a beer.

I then remember an overwhelming urge to vomit, although I'm pretty sure I didn't.

Then I remember my wife coming to pick us up at what I'm pretty sure was like 10:30.

It is entirely possible that I had no further conversation with anyone, and that I was in a fetal position in the corner for about 5 hours of the day. Above is all I remember, and that stuff couldn't have taken more than like 10 minutes.

In conclusion, I better get my shit together for Shit In My Eye. I've got a good warm up Saturday. I'm going on some type of bus to a Brewer game. I'll have to turn in a better performance.

I look forward to hearing what actually happened from Richard.