Ex-Packers v. The Law: Round 2

AND the law wins again in an upset. I guess Whisper Goodman didn't have the same shiftiness he had back in '00 and '01. Neither did his girlfriend I guess. The message, as always, don't fuck with the O.P.D. But seriously, I feel bad for Whisper because he had such a sweet nickname.

I predict that the next Ex-Packer to be arrested will be (by position):

RB: LeShon Johnson
FB: Buford McGee
WR: Kitrick Taylor
WR: Aubrey Matthews
TE: Clint Didier
G: Doug Widell
G: Bill Ferrario
T: Tootie Robbins
T: Barry Stokes
C: Blair Bush
QB: T.J. Rubley
DE: Cletidus Hunt
DE: Alphonso Carreker
DT: Don Davey
LB: Jude Waddy
LB: Mike Hunt (not making this up)
LB: Ron Cox
LB: Keo Coleman
CB: Ahmad Carroll
CB: Roderick Mullen
FS: Tiger Greene
SS: Scott McGarahan
P: Paul McJulien
K: Max Zendejas
KR: Roell Preston

The Morning Dump

This is a collection of things that have been rattling around in my brain, but I don't have the creativity and/or material to write an entire post on it, but I can't simply let them go because I like to see my thoughts written down into words. Surely nobody else is reading this anyway. (Now Including Free Bullet Points!!!)

- I saw on PTI yesterday that a 4 year old hit a hole in one in Colorado on a 91 yard "par 3" using a Snoopy driver. My first thought was, good for him, his life has peaked at 4 and he had nothing to look forward to. My second thought was that his parents should be arrested for duct taping a golf club to a freaking 4 year old. YOUR KID IS NOT GOING TO BE TIGER WOODS. THERE IS NO FUCKING CHANCE THAT GOLFING WAS HIS IDEA. LET THE KID EAT GLUE AND PLAY WITH TRANSFORMERS FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS! But no, you have to ruin your kids life by forcing him to golf 36 holes a day before he is in kindergarten. I can already see the dad quitting his job and putting a second mortgage on the house so he can take this kid around the country to play in tournaments at age 5, and enrolling him in some special school that concentrates on golf skills. Then the kid will turn 14 and get a sponsors exemption to play in a PGA event, shoot an 83, and spend the next 15 years at Q-school trying to qualify. This kid is going to be Todd Marinovich if he's lucky.

- The Brewers are getting increasingly difficult to invest any time into watching. Not only are they playing like shit, they just don't really seem like they are even trying, which is even more frustrating. They have lost 5 straight to teams that they are better than on paper. I heard yesterday that the guy who started for the Marlins spent all of last season in single A. They made him look like fucking Sandy Koufax last night. I am sort of one of the people Bear describes, that get all panicky in May. Because I am just failing to see how I am supposed to have any confidence that they are going to flip the switch and turn it around. They aren't pitching very well, but they couldn't win even if they were because they aren't hitting at all. However, we probably should just take a deep breath and compare ourselves to other situations around the league. Take a look at some other teams in the MLB standings: Yankees (17-18), Indians (16-17), Tigers (15-20), Mariners (14-21), Rockies (13-21), Padres (12-22). Those are six teams that many expected to be in the playoffs, or at least contend, that have the same or worse records than the Brewers. As an outside observer, I feel like I have some confidence that all of those teams can turn it around, and I don't know if its that I watch every Brewer game that doesn't give me the same hope for them or what, but maybe I should believe in the Crew more. Regardless, until Rickie Weeks (.194 BA!!!!) stops hitting leadoff, it is going to be painful to watch every pitch.

- A mini-interlude: Did anyone see "The Real World" last night? I sort of got dragged into watching this with my wife a few years back. Usually, it is sort of a parody of itself, and isn't that entertaining. Last night though, was a fucking life altering episode. It was one of the most intense shows ever. One of the dudes is like this alcoholic body builder guy, who fell off the wagon by going on the show. He got all wasted, came home from the bars at like 4 a.m., and then pounded a six pack and one of those gigantic bottles of cheap wine. Then he went off the fucking deep end with this insane laugh (kind of like The Joker, only scarier), and started punching himself in the face and headbutting the wall and shit. Then he started threatening to physically harm the girls that were in the house saying: "I'll knock their asses the fuck out! One punch, just like this!" And then he would punch himself in the face. Anyways, it was an epic, epic meltdown. Well worth watching one of the 273 times MTV replays it between now and next Wednesday.

- Cedric Benson's "friends" account of what happened on the boat doesn't really make me believe him any more. She claims she called her dad to call 911 because she heard Cedric yelling and assumed he was being beaten by police and "didn't seem intoxicated". Why she didn't call 911 herself, I dunno. Unless she was standing right next to him as he was getting pepper sprayed, this doesn't help him. I also fully expect the other 14 people on the boat to come to his defense because a) he's got a lot of money; b) most people don't really like police pepper spraying their friends. She just isn't in a position to be credible or very believable. The one thing I do find fascinating is that he was pulled over 6 times on his boat, which seems almost impossible. That is the best fact he has going for him at this point. It certainly sounds like they were out to get him, if that fact is true. Still, if he can be proven to be legally drunk (and it sounds like he refused a test, which means he is probably automatically considered legally intoxicated), then he still really doesn't have much of a defense to any of this.

- Mini-interlude #2: Season finale of "The Office", new episode of "Lost" and Game 3 of Hornets-Spurs gives me a small twitch in my pants.

I have got NOTHING to do at work today, so I will probably get bored and throw something else up later. That is if I am not arrested for stealing my paycheck first.

The Storyteller that is Cedric Benson

This is one of the more insane things I've heard in the past few days and I had to pass along my thoughts from a legal perspective. As you may have heard, Chicago Bears RB Cedric Benson was arrested for Boating While Intoxicated and Resisting Arrest in Texas last weekend. The following, according to ESPN.com, is what the police say he did, versus what Cedric said. Hilarity ensues:

POLICE: "Benson was operating the boat with 15 family members and friends aboard when he was stopped by a Lower Colorado River Authority officer for a random safety inspection. He failed a field sobriety test on the officer's boat and was uncooperative when the officer tried to take him ashore, the authority said.

"When Benson did not pass the test, he presented himself as a threat to the officer and argued about whether or not he would be taken to land to have a follow-up field sobriety test performed on land and refused to put on a life jacket," the authority said in a statement. The officer had to use pepper spray to subdue Benson, a move the running back doesn't understand. Benson then refused to leave the officer's boat and authorities had to drag him to a car to be taken to the Travis County jail, the authority said. "

BENSON: ""I was not intoxicated," Benson told the Chicago Sun-Times. "There was alcohol on the boat and others were enjoying themselves, but I wasn't drunk."

"They gave me a field sobriety test, told me to say my ABCs and told me to count from 1 to 4 up and down," Benson told the Chicago Tribune. "I'm thinking, I passed all the tests, did everything right. Then the officer told me we needed to go to land to take more tests. I politely asked him why we needed to go to land to take more tests when I took every test. Then he sprayed me with mace, on his boat.
"I'm not handcuffed. I'm not under arrest. I'm not threatening him. I'm not pushing him. I'm not touching him. And he sprays me right in my eye." "Even after they pepper-sprayed me, I have no idea why they did that. I was cooperative," Benson told the Sun-Times. "I asked them several times why they did that and they didn't give me an answer."

"Nobody saw what he did to me," Benson told the newspaper. "I started screaming for my mother to come. That's when they put me under arrest. And the officer threw a life jacket over my head.
"Once we got to land, the Travis County police grabbed me and kicked my feet from under me. So I landed on my back while I was handcuffed. They held me down and held the water hose over my face. I couldn't breathe, I'm choking, I'm begging the cops, 'Please stop. Please stop.' Then they picked me up and dragged me backward toward their car. And I'm still being polite, asking them, 'Sir, could you please allow me to walk like a man to your cop car?' They just kept dragging me on."

"This [arrest] is tough to deal with because you're guilty until proven innocent," Benson told the newspaper. "My name is blasted out there like I was fighting these police officers or something. That totally was not the deal. I'm not stupid."

Um.... OK. That is two pretty different opinions on what happened here. Look, I more than anyone, understand that police don't always tell the whole truth, and that they are human, and overreact to situations, and use too much force on occasion. Also, this tends to happen when minorities are involved. It happens quite frequently actually.

That being said: If an officer thinks you failed a field sobriety test, IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER IF YOU THINK YOU PASSED IT! And I doubt very much that he was "being polite" even after being held under a water hose.

If this had happened in Wisconsin (and I'm sure the law is slightly different in Texas) here is what would happen: Police give you the tests, if they say you failed (at least at that point) you failed, and you don't get to have an opinion (polite or not) in the matter. If at that point they ask you (or more likely tell you in a impolite fashion) to come with them, and you ask "Why?", especially when the police are outnumbered at least 15 to 2, it is quite possible you are going to get tasered or pepper sprayed. My guess is the police grabbed his arm to cuff him, and he pulled it away (which is resisting arrest) Or at least will say that is what happened. [UPDATE: Upon telling Benson he was under arrest and about to be put in handcuffs, "I touched his body in an attempt to direct him and he presented himself in a very hostile way,'' Snyder wrote in the report. "Benson [5-foot-11, 220 pounds] is a very muscular person and easily capable of overpowering me. As I had exhausted all attempts to gain control of Benson, and been met with resistance and what I perceived as a threat, I administered pepper spray into Benson's face to gain control." TOLD YOU SO.]

Do I agree with the way the pepper spraying seems to have gone down? No. But regardless of the shenanigans that followed, the failing of the sobriety test gave them probable cause to arrest Benson, and Benson's polite "Why" could be construed as resisting (which was probably charged due to how everything went down). [On a side note, I find it convenient that none of the other 15 people saw any of this happen.]

So pending the chemical test for alcohol, and the officer's testimony, Benson will more than likely be convicted. The amount of force used by officers is a completely separate issue, and whether or not it was excessive doesn't get Benson off of the charges. This is something that happens a lot with criminal defendants where they feel they need to fight charges that they are absolutely guilty of because they feel they are wronged by police. Benson would have to file some type of discrimination suit in federal or state court, or file a complaint with the police department (which would be pointless) if he wants his day in court on the pepper spray issue.

I think this is hilarious as a whole, and I'm super glad to see a Chicago Bear player in this situation and not a Packer.