Thursday, November 20, 2008

Sports Illustrated Review

This may be a weekly thing. Not sure at this point. I've read every Sports Illustrated for approximately the past 15 years, give or take. I always flip through real quick when I first get an issue. These are my thoughts during this process.

The cover may not seem like it, but its promising, and I'll tell you why - Jimmie Johnson has a hot wife and she's mentioned on the cover. There's gotta be at least one picture of her. Also, I can't control my excitement about an entire article devoted to the future of hunting. It takes all my willpower not to turn directly to that article. More on this later.

On a nascar fan scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the world's biggest tree hugging, electric car driving hippie and 10 being the biggest budweiser swilling, gun toting, conservative redneck I'm about a 5 when it comes to how much I enjoy/follow nascar.

Ashton's career must not be panning out the way he had envisioned but I bet those Nikon commercials are paying handsomely.

Cassel to Moss with one second left was sweet. I hate Moss but still a great catch.

Devin Hester (16%) voted best all-around athlete in the NFL by his peers. Is that cuz he's fast? What's the criteria? Terrell Owens (10%) is 2nd and Moss (8%) is 3rd. I know those two can play some hoops regardless the fact they're both buttfucks. Maybe Hester is a 3 handicap and can do a triple lutz.

Premiere of 24 this Sunday. I'm mildly excited but here's my miniature 24 rant. STOP TRYING TO BE SO FUCKING CREATIVE!!!!! The twists in this show are what's ruining this show. For example, Nina Meyers being the mole in the 1st season. It was just a twist for the sake of having a twist. And then they keep bringing her back. Despite the twists, I still enjoy the show but it's been getting decidedly worse each season.

Back to SI...

Every magazine could use more pictures of Ashley Judd.

The 'Pop Culture Grid' is one of my favorite little snippets in this magazine. They pretty much take 3 or 4 random athletes from all across the the sports spectrum and give them a phrase and write down the first thing the athlete says (i.e. LenDale White -- phrase 'Would ____ please be quiet? Please?' -- answer 'Bart Scott'). I always like to see which of the athletes I recognize. This week its Steve Mason (Blue Jackets goalie), LenDale White (Titans RB), Danny Cepero (Red Bulls GK), and Kerry Rhodes (Jets FS). I've heard of two. Nice miniature picture of Stacey Kiebler in this section.

Faces in the Crowd section. I skim real quick and determine how many of the chicks I'd do. None this week.

I wouldn't mind being Justin Timberlake.

Whoa!! There she is. Jimmie Johnson's wife Chandra.

Totally worth an article on Johnson to see that.

Artice about the dynamic Cardinal WR duo - Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald. Seems mildly interesting but one thing annoys the fuck outta me - the long dreadlock look. It was pretty cool at first but its old now. And it looks fucking ridiculous.

List of all time receiving tandems. A dollar to anyone who can name 5 of the top 10. Don't cheat.

Heisman race. 4 qbs - Graham Harrell, Colt McCoy, Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford. I'm gonna go with McCoy for no real reason. Tech has to lose eventually.

Derrick Rose is gonna be good for a long time.

And, finally, the feature article about the decline of hunting. Decline, huh? Obviously the focus of this article is not Wisconsin. Maybe people are beginning to realize that sitting in a tree all day, feeling like shit from the massive drinking binge you went on the night before, being as quiet as possible all by yourself isn't all that much fun. You can't even beat off when you're overtaken by boredom. Or can you? I guess I wouldn't know.

Kevin Smith is on the rise in fantasy football. Glad I picked him up in the OJSFA.

Last article each week is the Point After. For years this was the Life of Reilly. Typically a clever and witty article by the great Rick Reilly. But he's moved onto greener pastures. This week its an article Derrick Coleman and how he's given back to where he's come from. Riveting.


Juicelaw said...

Flipper Anderson and Henry Ellard gotta be on the list.

Rice and Taylor gotta.

Prolly, Moss/Chris Carter?

Duper and Clayton gotta be on it.

Heywood Jeffries? and Curtis Duncan?

The Sports Bottle said...

flipper and ellard are not on there. neither is jeffries and duncan.

stephencolbert said...

art monk and ellard
sanjay beach and robert brooks

The Sports Bottle said...

i knew an antiquated packer receiver reference was on the horizon.

Ricky said...

John Stallworth and Lynn Swann
Michael Irvin and Alvin Harper

Ricky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ricky said...

Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne

Ricky said...

My last one.

Andre Reed and James Lofton

The Sports Bottle said...

so far we have -

good job by ricky. i never would've thought of reed/lofton. irvin/harper were honorable mention.

the remaining 4 are two old time tandems and two recent ones.

Juicelaw said...

Ricky must get SI too.

There are more?

What about those assholes from the San Diego Super Chargers? Joiner and Allworth I think.


This is going to sound retarded, but Jimmy Smith and Keenan McCardell have like 800 catches each.


Don Maynard/Raymond Berry

Ed West/Perry Kemp

Walter Stanley/Phil Epps

Those are my guesses I guess.

Did anyone know that Larry fucking Centers is FIFTEENTH all-time in recpections? (I cheated a bit)

The Sports Bottle said...

good job juice. the charger combo is joiner and john jefferson. holt/bruce is correct as well as smith mccardell. the last is crazy legs hirsch and tom fears. how did u miss that one? fucking dumbass.

Juicelaw said...

That list is flawed. Nobody would have ever guessed Smith/McCardell