THAT WAS NOT A BLOCK!!!!

I have an all-NBA post! I caught the last half hour or so of the Bucks-Lakers game last night after the Badger game got way, way out of hand (within the first 5 minutes). The Bucks game summed up one of the reasons I can't fully get on board with the NBA.

Let me recap. About a minute left in OT. Bucks lead 106-102. Kobe drives the lane, lowers his shoulder, and absolutely destroys the chest of 7 foot Andrew Bogut, sending him flying backwards about 10 feet. Kobe then lands, and throws up some scoop shot that goes in. The whistle blows immediately, but there is no signal from any of the refs. Then, the referee that was standing at half court, the one who had the worst possible view of the attack, after 20 seconds where the refs just stared at each other, signals a block. This was a horrendous, inexcusable call. The call led Bucks color analyst Jon McGlocklin to have a coronary on the air, and scream "THAT WAS NOT A BLOCK!!!". I mean, he FREAKED OUT. It was awesome.

So Kobe gets the call, and the bucket, and makes a free throw to cut it to one. The Bucks fail to score and Kobe comes down and drills a fall away at the buzzer, which I would have bet my entire life savings (like $30) on. So predictable.

The situation is exactly why I hate the NBA. The stars of the league get every chance to get every call. Had that been Derek Fisher barrelling through the lane, it was a charge. Had it been Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, it is a charge. Had it been LeBron, it was a block. You cannot take the NBA seriously, because the NBA wants the stars to win. The officiating is crooked. I was turned off by the NBA in 2001 when the Bucks got hosed in the Eastern Conference Finals. And it continues to happen.

Aside from my NBA hating, the Bucks should have won that game. If Michael Redd wasn't dead and hit either of the two wide open threes he missed in OT, the Bucks win. If Bogut makes a free throw at the end of regulation, the Bucks win. If Ersan doesn't miss two free throws in OT, the Bucks win.

2009 OJSFA Awards Extravaganza!!

You are looking live! At the 4th annual Orenthal James Simpson Football Association Awards Extravaganza/Red Carpet Special/After Party! This year's ceremony is taking place at the illustrious Stadium View Bar & Grill in beautiful Green Bay, WI. Wind chills are a mere -10. Without further ado, your hosts: Kanye West (gay fish) and Alleged Tiger Woods mistress #11!

We will start with the biggest award, and arguably the most controversial. The O.J. Simpson Award. This award is given to the Most Valuable Player in the league, which is determined to be the highest scoring player on the team with the best record in the league. I didn't make up the rules (I did), but they must be followed.

The winner this year: Tom Brady. Brady arguably had about the 5th or 6th best season as far as QBs go. And not even close to his best season. Yet he was the best player on a shitty best team in the league, so he wins his second MVP in three years. Also he has gone MVP, LVP, MVP in consecutive years. Which is crazy. Chris Johnson just shot his pistol into the air and said: "Fuck the rules". Kanye went on a ten minute rant about how I don't care about black people because I gave the award to the white QB even though Johnson was clearly superior.

Past Winners:

2006: LaDanian Tomlinson

2007: Tom Brady

2008: Phillip Rivers

The next award is the Ryan Leaf Award for the Least Valuable Player. This is a player drafted in the first three rounds, with the least number of points. This is a great award, because there is always a good candidate, even though it is arguably an award for the best player to get injured and fuck a team. Of course, this year, Bear had the MVP AND LVP, so it obviously doesn't mean much if you are omnivorous and make a few lucky moves.

This year's winner is Brian Westbrook who has been gunning for this award for years, and has finally injured every part of his body.

Past Winners:

2006: Domanick Davis (RIP, possibly killed by Marvin Harrison)

2007: Marvin Harrison

2008: Tom Brady

The next award goes to the highest scorer regardless of team affiliation. It is named after a dude who scored more than any other dude ever, Wilt Chamberlain. Although we may consider renaming it after Tiger Woods. Alleged Mistress #11 says: "No you diin't".

Drew Brees wins this for the second straight year. He is really good. Also, his team, The No Talent Ass Clowns, missed the playoffs again. To be fair, this team scored a lot more than my team did, but had a worse record.

Past Winners:

2006: LaDanian Tomlinson

2007: Tom Brady

2008: Drew Brees

This next award is an inside joke to Packer fans, that relived itself when the Packers played the Lions. It is the Marquand Manuel Award given to the best "sleeper pick" in the draft, which is a player drafted in the 10th round or later with the most points. It is tied to Marquand Manuel because he would often be caught napping in the secondary and let receivers streak past him for TDs even though a safety is never supposed to let anyone deeper than him on the field. Somehow, the Lions were bad enough that he reappeared this year as a freaking starter, and the Packers promptly exploited the matchup for a deep TD, much to my delight.

This year's winner did not even start for his team, but the rules are once again the rules, so the winner is Matt Schaub, who sat behind Chamberlain Award winner Drew Brees. The list of past winners is pretty impressive, which might mean big things for Schaub next year.

Past winners:
2006: Maurice Jones-Drew

2007: Tony Romo

2008: Aaron Rodgers

The next award is the Sports Bottle Award, which goes to the Rookie of The Year. It is named after Sports Bottle because he went 2-14 in 2006, so he had obviously never played fantasy football before.

This year's winner is Percy Harvin, who is the first WR to win the award. Fuck him.

Past Winners:

2006: Maurice Jones-Drew

2007: Adrian Peterson

2008: Matt Forte

The penultimate award is the Kobe Bryant Award for the most ass raping-ist trade (allegedly). Lack of any real good candidates this year, but there was one trade so someone has to win.

This year the award goes to Twinkie for trading me Kevin Walter for Rashard Mendenhall before the season began. To be fair, neither player lasted more than a few weeks on either team. Basically, Tom Brady is somehow involved every other year, so Bear needs to trade him in the offseason. Also, in four years Bear to my brother has won twice, and a Twinkie/me trade has been involved twice. Someone else should make a trade.

Past winners:

2006: Shaun Alexander (Bear) to my brother for Brady/Andre Johnson
2007: Lawrence Maroney (Me) to Twinkie for Torry Holt

2008: Brady/L. Coles (Bear) to my brother for Big Ben/Reggie Wayne

The final award pains me to give out. It is the Reggie White Award for the free agent pick up of the year. It is the player who was undrafted, who scored the most points. This year's winner also did not play on his team and sat the bench all year because he had a far superior QB ahead of him, which in this case is really, really ironic.

The winner is He Who Shall Not Be Named, who sat behind Aaron Rodgers on Schmock's Team. I hope he dies. The past winners include a dog killer, a shitty QB and a Jesus freak with 12 kids.

Past Winners:

2006: Michael Vick

2007: Derek Anderson

2008: Kurt Warner

Kobe

I wasn't going to post anything but I saw this last night, and then again today on SportsCenter and it really fucking bothered me. The whole Kobe Bryant "I am going to pretend to be so exhausted after playing a playoff game that I am going to do an interview hunched over, wincing, and trying to catch my breath" bullshit was ridiculous. Really Kobe? I'm supposed to believe that you just played a game that you've played roughly 10,ooo times in your life, but you are so exhausted from playing well and pretending to limp around that after 5 minutes of rest you can't even stand up straight to talk to a reporter. Slow clap. Oscar. I didn't watch Kobe Doin' Work, but I imagine the whole movie was like this. I don't like him much.

Pot smoking and the significance of apologies

I have numerous thoughts about the whole "OH MY GOD MICHAEL PHELPS SMOKES POT" story.

My first thought is "who fucking cares?" What difference does that make in anyone's life? The guy smokes pot, get over it. Maybe if I didn't do what I do for a living I'd be a little more surprised. But I know from experience many seemingly normal housewives and husbands toke the ganja from time to time. And at every age. 15 year olds and 65 year olds. Poor people and rich people. It's everywhere. You, the reader of this blog, have a "drug problem" in your city/town/village. How do I know this? Because every city/town/village has a "drug problem." Most people have no idea because either they just don't give a shit or they don't care.

The only problem I have with what Phelps did was that he hit the bong at a college party. Now, come on Michael, are you fucking retarded? I'll bet that one pic is not the only pic taken of him doing that. Hell, there was probably a cell phone video taken. Just use your head a little.

The celebrity public apology fucking pisses me off, for two reasons. One, why should I believe Phelps is sorry and, two, why should I want that apology. And by "I" I mean the general public.

So, why should I believe Phelps is sorry? Personally, I don't give a shit because he's only sorry because he got caught. How many times has he smoked dope before that party and since that party? If he was actually sorry about it that would mean that was the only time he's ever done it in his life and he realizes it was stupid. But we know that's not true.

Finally, why do I want the apology? Again, from a personal standpoint, the apology means nothing to me and I wouldn't give a shit if he never made any sort of public apology. But the American public screams at the top of their lungs until someone famous apologizes for something stupid they did. No one but those close to Phelps should expect an apology, and maybe not even them. What if Phelps wasn't sorry (which I've already determined he isn't)? What if he didn't make a public apology? Millions of people would be outraged. Hey, you, millions of people, mind your own fucking business!

It happens time and time again. Kobe if front of the cameras admitting he committed adultery with his wife sitting right next to him. Pacman apologizing for his stupid ass.

It's just sad the public apology is necessary. It's hollow and means absolutely nothing.

And, hey, at least it wasn't crack.

Just as I predicted...

ESPN immediately throws up a news article about how awesome Favre's comeback win was today. Maybe they forgot the whole reason they were down at all was because Favre threw a pick earlier in the game that lead to a Chiefs touchdown and then threw another pick that got returned for another TD? Fuck ESPN and fuck Favre.

Also that new Guitar Hero commercial with Tony Hawk, Kobe Bryant, A-Rod and Michael Phelps is really creepy and leads me to believe that all four of those individuals had sex with each other.

Game 7

I watched about 90% of the Cavs-Celtics game yesterday. Not very entertaining at all until the 4th Quarter. LeBron, as good as he was, had about the least impressive 45 point game I've seen. He forced a ton of threes, which were ill advised. Neither team could make an open shot. If this would have been tonight's Hornets-Spurs game, it would have been about 135-133 instead of the much lower score. To LeBron's credit, he was playing with 4 6th graders out there. His supporting cast is horrible, even though it is better than it was last year. There isn't a single person on that team that you could count on to make a wide open 3 (and they got a ton of them yesterday). I could not be any less impressed with a number one seed than I am with Boston right now. They might beat Detriot, but there is no way they get past whomever comes out of the West. Kobe, Chris Paul or Tony Parker/Manu Ginobili will destroy the Celts. Pierce was great yesterday, KG was surprisingly quiet, but hit shots when it mattered, the flies covering Ray Allen's corpse made a few clutch FT's (seriously, he was on the bench for the majority of the 4th qtr.)

Tonight's game ought to be much more entertaining. No Brewer game, or any TV to affect its uninterrupted viewing. Also, it starts before midnight, which is always good.

God help us if we get anybody v. The Spurs in the Finals again.