A Packers Fan Ode To Jim Harbaugh (Zombie Archie Manning's Bastards)

Oh, hello! It has been over two years since I last posted anything here.  As I explained previously, Twitter savagely murdered the blog and its members.  I was reminded today that TWO posts have gone up since my last one in 2011.  I've resolved that never would three straight go up without one from me. Since twitter, and since our kid was born, I've had a tough time getting worked up enough to post something here.  Soooooo, what should I spend this short lunch break discussing?

• Nuclear Physics?
• The situation in Syria?
• Race relations?
• OJSFA?

No, no, those don't seem appropriate.  Ahhhh yes, the steaming pile of shit that is Jim Harbaugh.  /smells glass /rolls around the sweet liquid inside /takes a sip /spits in on the floor.  I'll take a case, please.

Have you ever seen someone try so hard to be a fucking prick as Jim Harbaugh?  He actively goes out of his way to be a dick to everyone he comes across.  You know what though? I'm sure he's a lovely man to his wife and family.  He has to be.  Because there is no way he could function so well in society if he was really as much of a dick as his public persona would make him appear.  So this leaves me with only one conclusion.  He's a FAKE.  A fucking fakey, fake, fakerton.  He's faker than a dude posting under an alias on a blog that was semi-popular amongst close friends 4 years ago, and then went away. 

Everything Harbaugh does is an act.  All the screaming.  All the spitting.  All the "calling out Clay Matthews for being a horrible human being because he made a dirty hit on your QB".  It's all so calculating that I'd almost have to give him credit for it if I didn't want Candlestick Park to collapse on him.

This isn't as good as I hoped it would be.  2 years is a REALLY long time.

Dear Diary

Hi. It has been awhile. I've been busy tweeting everything that comes to mind before I have time or the desire to blog anything. Blogging is much more fun when ANYONE else joins in. And I've been kind of busy. If you are at all interested in anything I say, you should probably follow me on twitter @Juicelaw_WI.

I had to chime in on a few things that were to cumbersome to tweet. I went to a shitty wedding last night. First of all, Friday weddings are fucking rude. Second, if I'm not IN the wedding, or didn't go to college with the person who is getting married (and hence plan to get super fucked up), weddings are terrible. This particular wedding was a wife's co-worker whom I barely know. Anyway, food was good, conversation was awkward, blah blah blah. Beer was free but the keg was all fucked up so you ended up with 80% foam no matter what you did, but I wasn't drinking much anyway, as I was designated driver. What was insane was the music. The DJ was awful. He literally had a fucking pile of something called COMPACT DISCS. I was pretty certain that this wasn't Russia or 1998, so I had no fucking idea what he was doing. There was like a 40 second dead spot between every song as he loaded up his Discman or whatever the fuck he was doing. He played every shitty wedding song you can imagine, plus Nickelback. But for some reason he played "Axel F" aka the Beverly Hills Cop theme song, which was great, but had no words and confused the multiple people a) in cowboy hats and b) that had never heard of Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, and the DJ's name was "Gizmo" which led me to make about 743 "Gremlins" jokes. (Oh! Oh! Someone got the DJ wet! Fuck! Is it midnight already? Who fed the fucking DJ!) That was the best part of the wedding. That is all, I just had to get that off my chest because it was awkward.

OTHER BULLETTY POINTY THINGS

-Brewers are finding out real quick that the AL fucking sucks to play against when you have an NL roster. Doesn't help when Marcum gets hurt in the first. I'm honestly hoping to get one here. In case you are wondering, my preseason prediction had the Crew 2 games ahead of where they currently sit. I'm not worried, I'm just saying. Also, Jonathan Lucroy fucked Randy Wolf's wife.

-Headed to Brew City next Saturday to get drunk with Sports Bottle and to watch the Crew beat the Twins.

-The Packers Super Bowl rings are gigantic.

-Went to a country concert at Lambeau last weekend. It was fun. My neighbor's wife got punched in the face by a Hooter's girl and my brother in-law got picked up by a police officer while trying to walk the 8 miles from Lambeau to my house. I would totally do it again.

Oh No He Diin't!

Twitter is sort of stupid. Unless it involves Nick Barnett, his afro and Chad Ochentacinco getting into it. Then it is kind of fun. PS. Nick Barnett would KILL Ochentacinco.