Packers v. Redskins: Horseshoe Is Still Up My Ass

FUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! This evening I will be meeting with an elderly gentlemen to either exchange money for Packers tickets, or get gutted like a fish.  Could go either way! My Craigslist stalking paid off in the form of reasonably priced tickets to the game Sunday.

My brother and I have a long and storied history of going to Packers-Redskins games.  We went to one game in 2007.  Packers won 17-14 on a 57 yard fumble return for a TD by Charles Woodson.  The highlight of the day was the drunken Redskin fan in a Chris Cooley jersey screaming at us all the way to our car about how we had a horseshoe up our ass. I'm not certain how luck had anything to do with beating a team that employed Jason Campbell as its starting QB, but whatever.  To this day, whenever I see anyone in a Redskin jersey I think of this asshole.

PREVIEW:  Pretty excited for this one.  I think the Packers have a pretty clear advantage when they have the ball, and RGIII is a shell of his healthy self at this point.  The Redskins are not going to take advantage of the Packers D like the 49ers did, both because they will be able to be more aggressive with RGIII than they were with Kaepernick because RGIII probably can't beat them by running this week, and because the Redskins simply aren't as good as San Francisco on offense even at full health.  I like the Packers 34-21.

SHIT TALKING:  I'm shocked that Bearflash may be paying for another Packers ticket without actually going.  He has a long and storied history of doing this.  It happened once in 2001.  Bear got shitfaced the night before the game, fell and smashed out his front teeth on a curb.  He was forced to have his teeth fixed instead of going to the game.  Good times were had by all.

The Aftermath: Local Edition

I want to start off by saying that it is Tuesday evening and I haven't stopped smiling yet. I think if someone told me that they would give me 100,000:1 odds on the Packers making the Super Bowl if I gave them $100, knowing before I bet that the following was going to happen: early season-ending injuries by Ryan Grant, Jermichael Finley and Nick Barnett, season enders by 13 others, back-to back losses to the Redskins and Dolphins, a loss to Detroit, an injury to Aaron Rodgers and three straight road playoff games; I would have told that person to keep their money. Yet here we are. At some point after Ray Rhodes and Mike Sherman nearly drove a championship team into the ground, I doubted if the Pack would ever get back. But we are headed to Dallas.

Here are the top five things that stood out to me about Sunday, in chronological order:

1) Watching the game in the comfort controlled climate of my house. Good every time.

2) Cutler's fake injury

3) Raji's pick-six and subsequent dance.

4) Woodson's postgame speech. "One. Two. Three. WHITE HOUSE!". Gives me goosebumps.


5) The bonfire in the middle of the street next to my house. Yup, that happened. People in Wisconsin were standing outside in sub-zero temperatures around a bonfire set in the middle of a public street in a residential neighborhood. And there was DJ equipment set up, and a Packer music playlist going at relatively high volumes, including all of your favorites: "Go You Packers, Go, Go", "The Bears Still Suck", "I'm a Cheesehead Baby", "We Go Green Bay", "Where the Hell is Neenah", "G-Force", "I Love My Green Bay Packers" and newbies: "CM3" and "Fly Like A Cheesehead". Finally, one neighbor is a Steeler fan, so a large corn stalk apparently left over from Halloween decorations was burned in effigy in his front yard. No arrests, injuries or burned down houses were reported.

Aside from game analysis, which, like the last game will make me want to kill myself by the time the game actually rolls around, there are a few key questions to answer:

1) What will be the random, token trinket that takes off and makes someone a millionaire in Wisconsin? In '97 and '98 it was whoever invented the "Packer flag". I've heard they have similar things that are popular in L.A. for the Lakers. These things were ridiculous and obnoxious, and people flew those things for YEARS afterwards. And somewhere in the neighborhood of 98% of cars had them during the last two year Super Bowl run.


2) What am I doing for the game? Do I fly solo (other than my wife) for the game? Do I attempt to put together a select group of individuals that I can stand to watch the game with? Do I do a standard "Super Bowl Party" that I'm guessing I will get invited to? Do I do the unthinkable and go down to a bar in Green Bay and pour out into the streets with the locals after a win? Do I suck 12 dicks at once to raise enough cash to go to Dallas? Time will tell.

Full Blown

So either I caught full blown AIDS at the Packer game this weekend, or I just got a really bad cold, and I'm too damn old to drink as much as I did. Either way, I feel a little under the weather on Wednesday night. On the bright side, I'm sitting back watching Creighton take on Illinois St. on ESPN3 in all of its non-HD glory.

FUCK THE VIQUEENS

You are a useless franchise. Truly. I need you to beat the Giants. The roof caves in on your shitty "stadium" and you get killed. I need you to beat the Bears. The roof continues to cave in, 13,000 fans show up (clearly an outdoor stadium is wanted) and you get killed. I need you to LOSE to the Eagles, and you win. I fucking hate you. Now if the Pack is able to replicate what happened last weekend, we get the honor of facing the Philidelphia Eagles and thier dog murdering QB.

RIVALRY GAME

Is the Packers-Bears rivalry as good right now as it has been historically? Probably not. But could it get there? I think Sunday is going to go a long way towards finding that out. How much do the Bears hate the Packers? Will Lovie play his most valuable players in a game that is probably pointless to them (unless somehow Atlanta loses vs Carolina AND the Saints lose vs the Bucs) just to try to keep the Pack out? Personally, I think this is a game the Pack wins regardless unless Hurricane Ditka shows up. Even if Lovie plays everyone, you gotta think they are going to be looking forward to thier week off in Cabo, and to not hurting themselves. I'm a little worried that we will have a special teams meltdown, since it will be 14 days since the last time Shawn Slocum's crew lost a game for us ( a season long!!), but otherwise, the Packers have played extremely well the last two weeks.

"PRO" BOWL

It is pretty hard to get too worked up about this sham of a game, especially since the guys I'm about to bitch about not getting selected, or getting selected will inevitably back out anyway leaving A.J. Hawk as the starting MLB for the NFC, and Jarret Bush as a starting safety.

Tramon Williams is a Pro Bowler. D'Angelo Hall had like 5 of his 6 INTs in ONE GAME against Jay Cutler, and played on one of the worst defenses in the NFL. He is not a Pro Bowler. Woodson might be, even in a down year, because he is awesome in many aspects of defense (tackling, blitzing). However, he is not as good as Williams right now. Or at least he isn't better.

I don't know how you name a left tackle for Pro Bowl, but Clifton has gotten beaten like a drum on a lot of occasions this year. He's had a great career, so if this is a career achievement award, then fine, but he is not all-star caliber.

In conclusion, I would like to make to final points:

1) I made the above conclusions based on watching 15 Packer games and parts of whatever was shown on my television.

2) None of the Packers will be playing in the Pro Bowl because of the Super Bowl the next week...

HOLIDAYS

For the fourth straight year, I would like to continue my crusade to give every American the day off of work when there is a sporting event not normally played during a weekday, played on a weekday. Like today. I missed the Armed Forces, or Bell Helicopter or Turdburgler.com Bowl today while I worked. Bullshit. C'mon Tea Party. Do something for fucking me!