Best Investment Ever?

No, I'm actually not referring to the Brewers signing Ryan Braun to a gigantic extension through 2020 (more on that in a second). I'm referring to the Ryan Braun jersey that I purchased two years ago. I'm always tormented when I go to buy a jersey of another grown man. Mostly because I don't want to get stuck with a horrible jersey a year or two later.

That $75 or whatever it was was sweet. I'm going to get TWELVE years out of that fucker. It might actually fall apart before he's gone or dead! I actually wish I would've dropped $200 on an authentic one now.

Onto the signing itself. I LOVE the message it sends, and I love Ryan Braun. Also I love Mark Attanasio. Honestly, in 2019 when Braun is making something like $16 million, it might end up badly. But would you rather have Braun making $16 million in 2019, or a 350 lb first basement making 20? Does this have anything to do with Prince? Probably not, but I feel a little bit like there might be a message here to Prince and to other Brewer players present and future. If you play well, and want to play here, we will try to pay you. Braun expressed an interest to be a Brewer for life, even though he just signed an extension through 2015 like five minutes ago. In exchange for a little more money now, he gave up the right to hold a gun to the Brewer's head in 4 years, and potentially make a little more money for the last few years. It is possible if Braun continues to progress, and inflation continues, he might have made $25 mil or so by the end of this thing. The message to Prince is "We gave you this offer two years ago and you balked because Boras promised you more money, so fuck you. We aren't giving you anything." Now, it is very questionable whether this message will mean anything. Because someone is probably going to be paying Fielder what he wants. But the Brewers likely could've waited on this. I feel like they wanted Fielder around when they gave Braun $10 million extra dollars yesterday.

Seriously though, this deal is another in a long line of deals that would've never happened under previous ownership. There is a serious commitment to winning, and a serious commitment to keeping their stars, that hasn't ever been seen in Milwaukee. I'm thrilled about that, even if Braun is hitting .212 in limited playing time in 2020.

MLB DODGERS

I'm not a Dodger fan, so I can just sit back an laugh at that disaster. I did want to throw this out though. Was McCourt "borrowing money for payroll", which seemed to clearly be a cry for help (if this is in fact true), done with the intent to get MLB to step in, thereby likely driving down the value of the Dodgers? Here is my thinking. He is going through a horrendous divorce. I can speak from experience that people that are going through a divorce lose their fucking minds. They will do idiotic things, that cost them thousands of dollars (for a normal person, millions for the McCourts), just so the spouse gets less. In this case, since Ms. McCourt is entitled to half, would the absurdly rich Frank drive down the value of this asset to fuck over Ms. McCourt? Probably not, since the Dodgers might only be a drop in the bucket for these two rich assholes. But as I said, people in the midst of a divorce are fucking insane.

REAL WORLD: VEGAS

Yes, I watch the Real World. It is one of the perks to being married to a woman that would watch just about anything if there was an MTV logo in the corner. I have an excuse to watch the Real World (because I'm forced to. What am I supposed to do, go in the bedroom? The TV is all small in there!). Anyway, this season has been really solid. We've been waiting since episode one for this one kid Dustin's big secret to be revealed. Which is that he's been in gay porn. Which is fucking hilarious. We see on the previews that it gets revealed in the next episode. The snippet might have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on TV, but let me set it up for you if you haven't seen the show at all.

Dustin is a gooney white dude from the South. He immediately started a "relationship" with a girl on the show, and they've been "hooking up" (I added the quotes because what I really meant is that they have known each other for five minutes, have been locked in a suite at the Hard Rock, got bored and drunk and fucked a whole bunch). So by all accounts he is straight. In the preview they show, the girl says "Is there something you want to tell me about your past?" Response (sounds like it is in his head) "She knows!". Girl "You are all over the Internet having sex. With guys." Dustin's response (which should win him a fucking Emmy) "A guy."

There you have it. In 2011, you aren't gay if you only had sex with ONE guy. I texted my brother "Best justification for gay porn ever." He replied "He could've told her he wasn't the catcher." Which would've been good too. You should probably watch next Thursday at 9 central, or one of the 7500 times they replay it. It is going to be epic. Prediction: he talks his way out of it and the girl fucks him again by the end of the episode because she is a stupid whore.

Pop Culture Interlude

For weeks now, I've been telling people that they need to watch The Real World. There has been a running subplot that has gone on e for two episodes that I haven't been able to delve into yet. The insanity hurts my brain. There is a black dude with dreds on the show who has appeared in at least 7 different colors of shirts that have "Michigan State" across the chest in standard block lettering.

Red
Blue
Pink
Orange
Powder Blue
Purple
Black

This has driven me absolutely insane, because he doesn't wear anything else, and every time they show him, he has a different one on. I don't know where he gets them, but I am going to burn down that store. End of rant.

-My guess is that I will last until the third quarter of the NBA finals game that will end at midnight.

The Morning Dump

This is a collection of things that have been rattling around in my brain, but I don't have the creativity and/or material to write an entire post on it, but I can't simply let them go because I like to see my thoughts written down into words. Surely nobody else is reading this anyway. (Now Including Free Bullet Points!!!)

- I saw on PTI yesterday that a 4 year old hit a hole in one in Colorado on a 91 yard "par 3" using a Snoopy driver. My first thought was, good for him, his life has peaked at 4 and he had nothing to look forward to. My second thought was that his parents should be arrested for duct taping a golf club to a freaking 4 year old. YOUR KID IS NOT GOING TO BE TIGER WOODS. THERE IS NO FUCKING CHANCE THAT GOLFING WAS HIS IDEA. LET THE KID EAT GLUE AND PLAY WITH TRANSFORMERS FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS! But no, you have to ruin your kids life by forcing him to golf 36 holes a day before he is in kindergarten. I can already see the dad quitting his job and putting a second mortgage on the house so he can take this kid around the country to play in tournaments at age 5, and enrolling him in some special school that concentrates on golf skills. Then the kid will turn 14 and get a sponsors exemption to play in a PGA event, shoot an 83, and spend the next 15 years at Q-school trying to qualify. This kid is going to be Todd Marinovich if he's lucky.

- The Brewers are getting increasingly difficult to invest any time into watching. Not only are they playing like shit, they just don't really seem like they are even trying, which is even more frustrating. They have lost 5 straight to teams that they are better than on paper. I heard yesterday that the guy who started for the Marlins spent all of last season in single A. They made him look like fucking Sandy Koufax last night. I am sort of one of the people Bear describes, that get all panicky in May. Because I am just failing to see how I am supposed to have any confidence that they are going to flip the switch and turn it around. They aren't pitching very well, but they couldn't win even if they were because they aren't hitting at all. However, we probably should just take a deep breath and compare ourselves to other situations around the league. Take a look at some other teams in the MLB standings: Yankees (17-18), Indians (16-17), Tigers (15-20), Mariners (14-21), Rockies (13-21), Padres (12-22). Those are six teams that many expected to be in the playoffs, or at least contend, that have the same or worse records than the Brewers. As an outside observer, I feel like I have some confidence that all of those teams can turn it around, and I don't know if its that I watch every Brewer game that doesn't give me the same hope for them or what, but maybe I should believe in the Crew more. Regardless, until Rickie Weeks (.194 BA!!!!) stops hitting leadoff, it is going to be painful to watch every pitch.

- A mini-interlude: Did anyone see "The Real World" last night? I sort of got dragged into watching this with my wife a few years back. Usually, it is sort of a parody of itself, and isn't that entertaining. Last night though, was a fucking life altering episode. It was one of the most intense shows ever. One of the dudes is like this alcoholic body builder guy, who fell off the wagon by going on the show. He got all wasted, came home from the bars at like 4 a.m., and then pounded a six pack and one of those gigantic bottles of cheap wine. Then he went off the fucking deep end with this insane laugh (kind of like The Joker, only scarier), and started punching himself in the face and headbutting the wall and shit. Then he started threatening to physically harm the girls that were in the house saying: "I'll knock their asses the fuck out! One punch, just like this!" And then he would punch himself in the face. Anyways, it was an epic, epic meltdown. Well worth watching one of the 273 times MTV replays it between now and next Wednesday.

- Cedric Benson's "friends" account of what happened on the boat doesn't really make me believe him any more. She claims she called her dad to call 911 because she heard Cedric yelling and assumed he was being beaten by police and "didn't seem intoxicated". Why she didn't call 911 herself, I dunno. Unless she was standing right next to him as he was getting pepper sprayed, this doesn't help him. I also fully expect the other 14 people on the boat to come to his defense because a) he's got a lot of money; b) most people don't really like police pepper spraying their friends. She just isn't in a position to be credible or very believable. The one thing I do find fascinating is that he was pulled over 6 times on his boat, which seems almost impossible. That is the best fact he has going for him at this point. It certainly sounds like they were out to get him, if that fact is true. Still, if he can be proven to be legally drunk (and it sounds like he refused a test, which means he is probably automatically considered legally intoxicated), then he still really doesn't have much of a defense to any of this.

- Mini-interlude #2: Season finale of "The Office", new episode of "Lost" and Game 3 of Hornets-Spurs gives me a small twitch in my pants.

I have got NOTHING to do at work today, so I will probably get bored and throw something else up later. That is if I am not arrested for stealing my paycheck first.