RELAX.

Yesterday about 5 p.m., you would have thought that Ted Thompson took a dump on Curly Lambeau's statue, and wiped his ass with the American flag.

Free agency had started. The Packers had not held a gun to Chad Clifton's head and demand that he sign whatever they offered him therefore giving up the chance to check to see if he could cash in one last time. Clearly, Thompson did not utilize the Jack Bauer strategy of kidnapping Clifton's family and threatening their lives if he did not stay in Green Bay. It was obviously Thompson's fault for letting Clifton hit the open market, because the player has no choice in the matter.

Not only that but OMFG! The Bears paid an aging (pretty freakishly athletic, but still aging) 4-3 Defensive end, who doesn't like to work very hard, 6 years, 91.5 million with $42 mil guaranteed. Obviously, Thompson should have offered him $100 mil to play a position he had never played before! Either that or had him killed so that the Bears couldn't overpay him.

Then, Detroit went out and signed Kyle Vanden Bosch! And Nate Burleson!! They are going to win the Super Bowl!! And the Bears also signed a backup running back! GASP!

It was seriously panic on sports radio. Thompson had no plan, Chicago and Detroit were not going to lose a game except when they play each other. He Who Shall Not Be Named will be back, and the Vikings will be 12-4 (losing only to the Bears and Lions), the Pack was going to trot out Breno Giaciomini (sp) at left tackle, Rodgers was going to get injured in week one, and we traded away Brian Brohm and OMFG Matt Flynn is going to be our starter and we will go 0-16. This was all based on the fact that a 36 year old LT with bad hips and bad knees was going to visit Washington.

Oh, and overnight they signed Clifton to a 3 year, $20 mil deal. Seriously. Calm the fuck down. I would enjoy the Pack making a splash. But they will be fine. Ted has a plan, and he is working his plan. You (Packer fan) are not on the phone listening to what is going on. You can't just give the players everything they ask for without negotiating anything. If you did that, you would be the Washington Redskins. Or the Bears I guess. It will be fine. Have a can or 15 of Busch Light. Smoke some cigs. Eat some fried cheese. The Packers are still going to be fine. I will let you know when to panic.

Weekend Preview

Here is my unresearched Packer/Bear Preview.

Packers Running O v. Bears Running D:

It remains to be seen whether Ryan Grant is good like he was in '07, or bad like he was in '08. The line is a question mark, although the fact that Rodgers' jersey was clean at the end of the preseason is a good sign. The Bears are stout against the run, and there is no reason to think they won't be again. Edge: Bears.

Packers Passing O v. Bears Passing D:

This one won't be a fair fight. Not only were the Bears starters a bit shaky against the pass, but most of those starters are hurt. And A-Rodg is suddenly what would happen if Joe Montana, Johnny Unitas and Johnny Utah had a three way (at least according to the National media). Edge: Pack

Bears Passing O v. Packers Passing D

I'm giving the slight edge to the Packers due to Woodson/Harris. And only slight because I have no clue how the new scheme will affect their strengths (can Harris play zone?), and because Cutler has a slight chance of being good. Also, Cutlerfuck could throw 5 picks and be sacked 8 times based on how the D looked in the preseason. Edge: Pack

Bears Running O v. Packers Running D

Forte is really, really good. The Bears line is good at run blocking. Raji is out, and I have no idea how the 3/4 will do. Edge: Bears

Special Teams

Crosby was awful in the preseason. Our punter is average. Our return man is out. Hester still scares me a bit. Edge: Bears

Weather: no edge

Intangibles: My favorite category because it is utterly meaningless. I'm giving it to the Lambeau crowd. Edge: Packers

Coaching: I know Lovie Smith got the Bears to a Super Bowl, but I'm not sold on him. Push.

Prediction: Packers 21, Bears 14. Cutler throws a back-breaking 4th quarter INT that Cullen Jenkins takes to the house.

BADGER PREDICTION: UW 24, Fresno St. 23

FESTIVITIES:

So I'm going to the game Sunday night. I would put my anxiety level at about a 6/10, up from 3/10 yesterday. For reference, my anxiety for the NFC Championship against the Giants was a 23/10. I've been tossing around the idea of getting up slightly hungover on Sunday and heading to the bars to watch the noon games before going to a semi-organized tailgate party. I've already been given that sideways look, and warning from my wife that goes something like: "We can do that. But I don't think it is a very good idea to drink for 7 hours before the game. You don't want to be blacked out at kickoff. And I don't want to have to take care of you either." If I had a nickel for every time she has said that to me in the 6+ years we've been together, I would be rich, and probably would've blacked out alot more than I have. She is right about 90% of the time. We will see I guess. I took Monday off of work.

Interesting Things

I was all set to write up a post bitching about how Peter King (and others) have picked the Bears to be in the Super Bowl. That is despite the fact that Cutler's liver will surely explode at some point this season due to binge drinking and diabetes. And the fact that he is a gigantic douche that will get mad at Matt Forte for scoring all the touchdowns or something and refuse to throw him the ball to make a point. Or the fact that there are no discernible wide receivers on the team to throw to. Or the fact that their secondary was awful last year. Or the fact that Brian Urlacher is without a doubt the most overrated player in NFL history. Or the fact that the offense they run is so pedestrian, that it doesn't really matter who plays QB.

But then I listened to a BS Report podcast from last week. And Mike Lombardi from the National Football Post and the NFL Network picked the motherfucking Green Bay Packers. Which I was both surprised and delighted by. And this pick was made BEFORE the first team beat down the Pack put on Arizona. At the very least, a Super Bowl prediction by a respected journalist leads me to believe that the Packers should be a very, very good team.

It is a good thing that Peter King is not a respected journalist, because that would mean the Bears will be good too.

On a side note, I haven't heard anyone predict either the Viqueens or the Lions in the Super Bowl, meaning both are going to gargle cock all year.

On another side note, the Packers/Bears game on September 13th (that I have tickets to) is a de facto NFC Championship game.

On a third side note, the game tonight against the Titans is going to be boring as shit. I hope to (Sports Bottle's) god that Matt Flynn plays tonight. Because I would have to get pretty goddamn drunk to enjoy 3.9 quarters of Brian Brohm throwing passes to the other team.