Holiday, Alleged Double Murder Bowl V Mega-Post!

HOLIDAY BENDER

So it is Christmas time. And this year it is extra special, because we are headed to Lambeau to worship the one true God (sorry Sports Bottle's god), Saint Vince. I'm headed to Lambeau for Packers-Giants in what amounts to a playoff game. What does this mean? Well, it means I have extra drinking motivation.

Typically in my family Christmas Eve is the night to drink. And while it doesn't always happen, if it doesn't, Christmas tends to be a fairly dry holiday. But this year is different. See, I plan to drink my way through the night tonight, while not getting out of control and feeling out the situation. It is weird to drink heavily by yourself, but sometimes my Dad, brother and cousins get in on the act and it turns to fun. We'll see. I've already been warned that I can't puke and/or be hung over tomorrow (does that mean I have a problem)?

Christmas Day usually involves a lot of driving and a few Old Fashions (google it if you aren't from Northeast Wisconsin), but not drinking heavily. However, since the Packer game is Sunday, we are expecting company on Christmas night in the form of Richard at least, and hopefully my brother as well. And, lets face it, I'm not capable of sitting around other dudes for a whole night and not drinking. Since it is Christmas night, there probably aren't bars open, so the bar will be open at my crib (and I'm pretty sure Grandma and Grandpa are getting me a bottle of Grey Goose, so there is that).

And Sunday, well, Sunday is going to be awesome. There is somewhere between 10 people and everyone I know going to the game on Sunday. It is a late afternoon start, which means a) more time to get over the previous night's hangover and b) an easier time drinking more prior to game time. Also, I took the liberty of not working on Monday, because I'm planning to go until my wife makes me stop. It should be epic. Oh, and there is going to be a great ass football game. I predict a really good crowd and a Packer win.

So being hung over/drunk for the next three days is in my future. Praise Jesus.

ALLEGED DOUBLE MURDER BOWL V


Now comes the time in the post where I stop being festive, and start getting serious. I've got some money to win this week. The White Broncos (11-4) are taking on Schmock's team (13-2). I handed Schmock a loss two weeks ago. But this time I've got some potentially serious injury issues. MoJo Drew is now being called a "game time decision", which fucking sucks because I'm going to the game and will be unable to change my lineup late. I may be forced to start Fred Jackson in his place. Schmock leads the all time series 6-4, but I'm currently favored by 8. MVP Aaron Rodgers v. former MVP Phillip Rivers and offensive player of the year Arian Foster. Winner becomes the first two-time winner of the league. The TV audience on TLC is expected to break records. The GooGoo Dolls are the halftime entertainment. Axl Rose is singing the national anthem.

But here is the deal. Schmock picked up MoJo's backup before I could get to him, so I'm serious now. I'm going to give a ridiculous pregame speech. I'm taking money out of Schmock's kid's mouth. I'm taking diaper money away. I'm just being real.


Merry Fuckin' Christmas boys and girls. Here's to hoping everyone gets the shit they want, pays their credit card bills on time, and eats and drinks way more than they should.

Playoffs? Christmas? Bowl Games? New Year's?

PACKERS

That was a beat down of epic proportions. Strangely, if Hasselbeck doesn't throw 14 INTs (he just threw another one) Seattle actually kind of sort of moved the ball on us. Hasselbeck threw more INTs in the last two games than Rodgers has ALL SEASON. Rodgers is really, really, really good.

As weak of a schedule as we played this year, it is pretty disingenuous to say 15 games into the year that our defense hasn't proven anything because we got eaten up by Minnesota (twice) and Pittsburgh. And we "padded our stats against bad teams". The thing is, there are approximately 25 bad teams in the NFL this year so EVERY team played a bunch of bad teams. There are two 40 point blowouts every week. So you can save the criticism (Brian Billick) for someone that is a fucking moron (i.e. anyone that thinks anything Billick says is right). The Packers have a large hole in their defense (Jarrett Bush). But if they can get to the QB, they can mask the deficiencies. They also have a large hole on offense (the line), but if the receivers can get open and catch, Rodgers is good enough to mask this. This is the same story for every other team in the league. Everyone has a glaring weakness. The good ones can cover it up. I'm not sure what my point is other than we are what we are, a pretty fucking dangerous team, that is completely capable of shutting you out, or letting you throw for 500 yards and score 40 on a given day, while also putting up 40 of our own. I give the Pack a puncher's chance against any team in the NFC right now. They should be no more than touchdown underdogs against anyone.

Next week could get awkward. The Pack will know by the time they play what needs to happen. They can basically pick their opponent, although I'm not sure I recommend trying to lose. Depending on how things shake out, they could be at Minnesota, Arizona, Philly or Dallas. Say they know the following at kickoff next week: a) win and they will come back to Arizona next week, b) lose and go to Minnesota. I say they better fucking win. OR a) win and go to Dallas, b) lose and go to Arizona. Now you've got a different decision potentially there are a million scenarios, but what if they are better off losing? Do you take the chance of basically laying down? My thinking is that in the NFL, you can't do this because you will get punished. Even if you are resting all of your starters, your backups have to play a normal game.

Dear Giants, thank you for sucking.

CHRISTMAS

No vacuums for me this year, although I did get a garbage can holder last year. I got a GPS, a bunch of clothes, some books, and some cash. Pretty nice haul.

I also got the equipment to hook my PS3 up to the internets. Playing Madden online is pretty life altering when you do it the first couple of times. It was like getting a whole new game. Other games were not so good online. Madden was by far the best.

Being back at work sucks.

BOWL GAMES

Speaking of being back at work, everyone in the U.S. should be given off the rest of the week after today. Reason? I've stated this before, and it applies again: If there is a major U.S. sporting event (if the sport is not normally played on a weekday afternoon) on DURING THE DAY, it is a holiday, and you shouldn't be working. Tomorrow there is a bowl game on at 3:30 p.m. I'm pretty sure Wednesday there is too. The Badgers play Ohio St. at 1 p.m. on Thursday. I have to work all of those days. It should be against the law.

NEW YEAR'S

Going to be getting blacked out at a buddy's house. I somehow have to work all day on New Year's Eve. I'm old enough that going to the bars doesn't sound like fun at all.

X-Mas Spirit

One "party" down. One "party" to go. This afternoon is my work "party". This party is going to take place between 3 p.m. and 4:30 p.m. on a Friday afternoon, and is going to consist of appetizers and drinks. I'm not even kidding. Also, since I live 30 minutes from work, getting all fucked up is not an option. Not that getting all fucked up with people 30 years older than you is all that fun anyway, but I would like that to be an option. I would say the highlight of the party is that it is going to be free, and it will save me an hour and a half of pretending to work.

Saturday, it is my mission to put up the Christmas tree and rearrange the furniture in my living room to accommodate it. The biggest thing is that I have to carefully plan this around the smorgasbord of sports on television. My goal is to nip that shit in the bud before the SEC championship game. As bullshit as the rankings and the BCS is, I do realize that we in fact live in a society (Russia?) where this is about as big of a game as you can possibly get in college football. And it is #1 v. #2 for the chance to play in the fake (but at the same time all too real) championship. Bucky will be destroying a collection of athletes from a historically black college (Grambling) at noon, which I assume will be on the Big Ten network. This would seem to be an ideal time to get this decorating shit out of the way. The good thing about decorating the tree, is that other than putting the fake tree together and getting it correctly wired (pre-lit of course, so wiring consists of plugging all the sections together), I am not allowed to touch it. This is probably because I don't really give a shit about where the ornaments go, or which ones go on the tree, or whether every square inch is covered. The process of watching my wife decorate this stresses me the fuck out. Which typically leads to drinking.

Saturday night is going to culminate in Wisconsin interrupting their beach vacations to take on the Rainbow Warriors (yeah, I went there) of Hawaii. The game starts at TEN THIRTY (10:30) P.M.!!! Which is cruel and unusual. If I was in Vegas, it would be awesome to bet on this game with no other games to distract me (See Boise St./Hawaii in October). Instead, I will have to find a way to stay awake until 2 a.m. to see the end of a 40 point blowout. (Actually, I'm seeing 47-20 Bucky, Badgers rush for 300 plus). The only positive for all of you is that I can insert information into the T-3000 because this will be the last game, and the brackets can likely be revealed by Sunday morning for Juice's Dream NCAA D-I Football Get Together Presented by Astroglide.

Sunday will be a day of rest, and watching random NFL (seriously, if I am subjected to another fucking shitty Viking blowout I'm going to murder somebody. So you should probably steer clear on Sunday night) games (and that $5.99 a month for RedZone is making more and more sense to me every week). Monday, I get to try to slink out of work a few hours early so that I can belly up at Buffalo Wild Wings before Packers/Ravens.

Out.

Holiday Tailgate

So I guess I have a Holiday Tailgating party tonight. My wife's employer is having their holiday party, but due to the tough economic times, they are having a strange one. We are gathering at a local sports bar for a buffet with tailgating fare to watch the Jets v. Bills tonight. I'm going to do my best to get them to put on the "Civil War" game between Oregon and Oregon St since it will probably be better. Either way, it is going to be a tad awkward. Especially since I can pretty much guarantee that there will be a total of zero people giving a shit who wins the game, and a total of one person (me) who will even pay the slightest attention. The biggest downfall of this party is that I won't be allowed to get drunk, which will suck. I am going to eat as much as I possibly can, I can tell you that much. All told, as awkward as tonight might be, it will be a marked improvement over the party every other year. Except last year, when they had casino night. That was pretty cool.

NFL PICKS

Last Week: 6-10
Season: 74-76-1
All-Time: 208-202-3

NYJ (-3), Cin (-13), Den (-5), Hou (Pk), Pit (-14.5), Car (-6.5), Ind (-7), NO (-9.5), NE (-5.5), St.L (+9), Phi (-5.5), SD (-13), Sea (Pk), NYG (+2.5), Ari (+5.5), GB (-3)

BUCKY

Well, color me shocked. Bucky looked GREAT last night. Not perfect, but really, really good. And that wasn't a lucky win (despite starting out on fire). They generally were on par with Duke. Duke is not that much better despite being the fifth most popular team in the nation. It was pretty much Singler against UW last night. Trevon Hughes is winning me over, even though he is old enough to be my dad. He forces too much sometimes, but he is clutch when it matters (unlike Bohanan who missed approximately 40 wide open threes last night). And the Big Ten won the "challenge"! Holy. Shit.

As an aside, storming the court was an embarrassment. Was it big win? You bet. But c'mon now. You've been to the tournament like every year for a decade. You probably beat a top 10 team every year. There is no excuse for storming the court. I've expounded on this before, please refer to "Storming the Court Etiquette". Please, stop. You are pretty much proving to Duke that you think they are that much better than you.

Bill Welke Was Late For His Eye Exam

First of all, I was unaware that bears had the opposable thumbs necessary to operate a remote control. I assumed you just ambled around town, eating random hobos, stumbling into bars where you were fed beer out of sheer terror.

That was Bucks-Sixers 2001 level officiating by Bill Welke in the 10th innning yesterday. That pitch that was called ball four was right down the fucking middle. I wish I could get a screen grab of the GameDay Pitch by Pitch from MLB.com. Because it would show a green circle right in the middle of the strike zone. It is insane to end a major league baseball game on a call like that. It is pretty hard for a baseball umpire to decide a game, but I think he did on this one. Mr. Welke quickly retired to his home in suburban Chicago, while the 30 some odd thousand in attendance went home happy that they were able to witness such a sterling performance by a game official. Because that is what they paid for. Did I mention that I hate the motherfucking Cubs?

I won't see today's inevitable loss. I'm going to my grandparent's cottage for the day to cheat on my diet (6 pounds left) and drink just enough that I am safe to drive home at night.

In other news, I inadvertently started a major coup in my other fantasy baseball league with the old dudes (currently in 6th place out of 12 despite three guys having made nearly TWO HUNDRED roster moves and me making like 30). I openly bitched about paying for the "PLUS" league, and how it was fucking useless. And how live scoring in baseball is stupid. I immediately got 5 responses bitching at me, and 5 agreeing vehemently. Live scoring in baseball is a fucking waste, in the same way that it is spectacular in football (and now free!). I'm pretty sure I disbanded that long running league yesterday. Which is awesome.

I am going to go put on my Uncle Sam hat and jack off into the flag. Happy 4th!!

Merry Frickin' Christmas Boys and Girls!

So it technically isn't Christmas yet, but I'm off of work until Monday, and the family get togethers begin tonight, so close enough. Pretty excited about having to brave six inches of snow to get to my folks house tonight, and fighting with my wife about who has to drive home. My plan is to do about eight shots in the first hour so I am too drunk to drive.

Last night I finally broke down and got a new snowblower. My old one that I got for $50 two years ago broke, and was not repairable. So we headed out to the box stores last night to look. Eventually my wife forced me to get the more expensive model of the type we were looking at. I haven't used it yet (although it is slowing like a mother outside right now) but I'm pretty sure there is an option that sucks my dick.

RANDOM BEER REVIEW: Leinenkugel's "1888 Bock"

The bottom line is that it is tasty as fuck. Not the best beer I've ever had, but definitely among the best Leinie's. I didn't pour it into a glass, but it tastes like it is a brown-ish color. Tastes more like a Scotch Ale than a Bock. When I think of a bock, I normally think of a really, really dark beer. Like most Leinie's products, its lighter than that, but has alot of taste. I would highly recommend it. Plus its got a sweet fluorescent green label, with grass and shit on it, so it feels like spring.

SUNDAY WEATHER REPORT: High of 27, Sunny