The Debate

I've been invited to someone's house for the Packer game today. The someone is my in-laws, but that isn't important because I like them. It is only important that I need to decide whether I want to watch the game in the controlled enviroment of my home, or in the great unknown. I've written at length about my general disdain for "Packer parties". But I'm going to rehash it because I have nothing else to write about. Here is a Pro/Con list of my house v. someone else's:



MY HOUSE



Pro: I have complete control of my surroundings. Temperature, volume of TV, where I sit, the volume of others, the changing of channels, no censorship or volume control of myself, I can drink as much as I want and not have to drive, and I can throw or hit things

Con: If I want a shitload of food I have to buy it and cook it myself

OTHER PLACES

Pro: Food is awesome, and I like it a lot

Con: Censorship, screaming kids, the distraction of everyone talking to eachother during the game, people disagreeing with me about something that is happening in the game, lack of control over my surroundings.

Ultimately, I guess I'm going. I think the children will be kept at a minimum, and I can't pass up an all you can eat spread. I just hate being every one's sideshow, which is why my in-laws enjoy watching the games with me. Because I jump around and scream and everyone thinks it is funny. So I guess I'm funny like a clown. Whatever.

Prediction: Packers 19, Falcons 16 (OT). The Falcons do nothing that scares me necessarily. They do everything pretty good, and nothing bad, but I don't feel like they are great at anything. The Pack has a GREAT QB, and a borderline great defense. If we can slow down Burner Turner, which we did a poor job of the first time, I think we will win this game.

Other predictions: Pats (-8.5), Steelers (-3), Bears (-10), Badgers over the Illini (in a game I will probably not see much of due to the requirement that I'm at my destination and on a couch by 3:30 and the fact that the B12Ten in its infinite wisdom scheduled this game against an NFL playoff game), Indiana St over CU tomorrow in a game that I will see none of.

Fake Gambling and the "Williams Wall"

Last Week: 13-3!!!!

Overall: 94-94-4 (Don't call it a comeback bitches!)

Oak (+9), Chi (-6.5), Min (NL), Hou (+5.5), Ten (-14), Ind (-13.5), Atl (+3), NYG (-6.5), Den (-9), Mia (+1), NYJ (-4), NE (-4.5), Ari (-14), Pit (-3), Bal (-5), Car (-3)

I don't know if those fat dudes from Minnesota are going to play again or not. Even though they were granted their temporary injunction, it doesn't seem to me that their "The NFL didn't tell us" argument is bullshit. If 50% of the players in the league had this problem, I might buy it, but SIX tested positive, meaning that the Williamses were doing something that isn't particularly common in the first place. Plus, from what I've read, the NLFPA bargained for this testing policy, and the policy is "you are responsible for what you put in your body". I would ALMOST feel bad for them if a) they didn't play for an arch rival and b) they have a gay nickname.

Now, the question is, assuming they don't play, does this give the Packers a better chance in the division? I have been shocked by the number of locals that are convinced that this is the case. My thoughts: I don't think it hurts to have Minnesota playing short handed. But even if Minnesota goes 1-3 (because we all know they won't lose to Detroit even if the Williamses wives start at D-tackle), that means the Packers have to go 3-1 (including a win over Chicago), and hope Chicago goes 2-2. Would it shock me? No. But I think the hardest part of that equation is to have the Packers win all those games. Even though they have a favorable-ish schedule, I don't have particular confidence in them stringing wins together. They've shown me nothing to make me think they have that ability.

In other news, my fucking goddaughter's mother scheduled a birthday party at 2:30 p.m. next Sunday, which is directly in the middle of the Packers-Jags game. I fucking hate inconsiderate people. Its not like you don't live in the area, and aren't aware that the Packer season is in full swing. Christ.

Finally, last college basketball season, I had Time Warner Cable. The advantage was that I had ESPNU, which allowed me to see like 3 Creighton games. But I had no Big10 Network, which forced me to not see like 20 UW games. This year I have Dish, so my situation is opposite....And now fucking UW-Marquette is on ESPNU, and there has been exactly ONE game on Big10. Sucks. My. Balls. It will be me and my clock radio Saturday night I guess.

Packer Parties

So I'm heading off to a "Packer party" in about an hour. A "Packer party" is where a bunch of people go to someones house and watch a Packer game. No sex is involved. Usually a small amount of beer is consumed. Everyone typically runs out of the house as soon as the clock hits :00. (Unless it is a rare Saturday playoff game or something). I hate Packer parties generally. The only time these things are acceptable for me is if it is a preseason game, it is some type of holiday (i.e. Thanksgiving), or the Packers are like 2-12. The only redeeming quality that these parties tend to have is a shitload of food. I hate them because people like to invite me because they know I am a Packer fan, and feel that I will enjoy them. But these people don't have a true understanding of what a psycho freak I am. The only one that truly understands outside of a select few friends, is my wife. She has learned to tolerate my incoherent screams and throwing of objects. We have an understanding that I have Packer party veto power. I am allowed to reject the idea if I'm pretty sure that my emotions won't be able to be controlled. For instance, we were invited to at least 3 of them for the NFC championship game last year. I couldn't do it. I probably didn't sleep for the entire week before hand. I was showing signs of physical stress by Sunday (upset stomach, incessant leg tapping, etc.). It's a good thing I didn't go to any parties on that day. Not only would I have embarrassed my wife irreparably, I doubt very much I could have operated a motor vehicle safely. I distinctly remember when He threw his final back breaking interception as a Packer, jumping off the couch about three feet into the air, twisting, and landing with my knees on the ground and my face in the seat of the couch, all while letting out a primal scream. I'm guessing most can't comprehend what I went through, and I might have been divorced if I had done it in front of her family or something.

Today, this party in particular is at one of my sister-in law's houses. My wife's family acts like they enjoy watching the game with me because of how "into it" I get. The problem I'm beginning to have, is that we have three nieces and nephews that are under the age of 3. And all will be at the "party". They also have a large number of toys and shit that make alot of noise. I already can predict what will happen. The game will be on, when the kids aren't crying, they will be planted right in front of the fuckin non-HD TV, making shitloads of noise and be generally distracting. The kids' parents will be making it a point to make sure everyone sees how cute they are being. The volume on the TV will be far below the deafening level I usually keep it at in the privacy of my home. Basically, I will be viewing at about a 60% capacity. On top of that, I will get yelled at if I scream. Inevitably, it will be nap time at some point at a crucial fourth quarter moment, and I will get warned again to keep it down. I like my wife's family, but there are only about 10 people on earth I can watch a Packer-Viking game with, and none of them are on the list. Basically, today is going to suck, and if I complain I will get yelled at. Fuck.