Morning Juice

It is that magical time again, where I try to make up a name for a series of random posts, and will use it for a week and then never use it again!

TODAY IN SMALL DASHES

-The Super Bowl was good, not great. Largest. Television. Audience. EVER? It is pretty fucking amazing that the record stood for 27 years (and M.A.S.H was not a good show). Why would this particular Super Bowl be first? Sort of confused. The commercials were subpar. I'm not really a huge fan of someone telling me that my mistress cannot have her fetus ripped from her womb, but that Tebow commercial was not a fucking big deal at all.

-Quick Movie Review: "The Happening" starring Mark Wahlberg and a bunch of random assholes. Premise was interesting (plants decide to kill humans by creating a neurotoxin that makes people kill themselves), but very poorly executed and kind of unrealistic (that oak tree is going to make me run myself over with a lawn mower?). The death scenes were pretty epic. Besides the lawn mower, there was the cop who shoots himself in the head, followed by people standing in line one after another picking up the gun and shooting themselves. I like most Wahlberg movies, but this one lacked a certain, I dunno, point. I guess there was no fucking point, and there was no explanation or rhyme or reason for the plants attacking. I give it a 2.5 out of 10 and would recommend it to nobody. It was truly terrible. Not the worst movie I've seen in the last six months. That would go to "The Express". The acting was so bad I had to shut it off. I'm not kidding.

-The Olympics are starting up this weekend. I'm sort of excited only because it will give me something to do while working 20 hours a day (exaggeration). I can keep track of luge results. The only shitty thing is that it is in the same basic time zone, so I'm not going to have Belarus v. Czech Republic hockey on at 8 a.m. to pretend to keep track of.

-Pitchers and catchers in like 10 days. Pumped to watch spring training scores update every 30 minutes at MLB.com while at work. I might decide an extended preview is in order.

-I placed a friendly wager on #9UW v. Illinois tonight. A six pack of beer on this one and the one in Campaign with this dude I work with that went to Illinois. I'm going to make him buy me two six packs of Stella Artois Nobilis. If I lose he's getting Natty Ice.

Super Bowl Party!! (In My Pants?) (AKA: The Danica Patrick Comment Hour)

I'm not doing anything special for the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl is really one of those occasions (and let's be serious here, it should be a national holiday) where I actually like getting together with people that know nothing about football and talk through the entire game while I eat and drink 17,500 calories. I'm not sure why I don't care. I can't honestly remember the last time that I devoured a Super Bowl game play by play. I always watch, and pay attention, but when you are distracted by food and other people, you aren't really watching. Normally if nobody invites us anywhere, we have something ourselves. But I honestly don't feel like it, and the wife (who usually has the idea) didn't bring it up. So I will just eat 17,500 calories myself I guess.

OTHER SUPER BOWL ODDITIES:

-I don't hate the commercials. It is always kind of fun to see someone blow $40million on a random 30 second spot that I won't remember the next day.

-Lets be honest here. Danica Patrick is pretty attractive. I saw a clip of a GoDaddy commercial that is an 80's spoof. She looks pretty alright.

-NFL Network is starting its pregame at 8 a.m. This year I just haven't had any time to watch more than like 10 minutes of SportsCenter a morning, and no NFL Network. I kind of miss watching it. That being said, I'm pretty certain I will find something better to do for 9 hours.

-The Who is old as shit. But they are a band where most people couldn't name 3 songs they sang, but when you hear it you say "The Who sings that?". They are pretty fucking good. But I bet they will suck balls Sunday.

-FAKE BETTING: Colts (-4.5), Under 56.5, Over 2.5 times showing Kim Kardashian, Over 300.5 passing yards for Manning, Under 3 times showing Eli, Over 4 times showing Archie