Cyberdine Is Just Around the Corner

I just had a revelation of sorts. If computers decided that they were going to become self-aware, and go on strike due to the long hours and shitty pay, humans would be fucked. The computers in my office had to be shut down for like 12 minutes this afternoon, and I felt completely and totally lost. Even though I had some work I probably could have done. I just sat and wondered about the above, complained about not having my task list to stare at, and ate some of the candy I was given as an early present for the anniversary Sports Bottle's God's Son rising from the dead.

But seriously. Even 20 years ago, how did people do ANYTHING at work? By hand? That is crazy. What did people do when they were pretending to work? I think that probably frightens me more than my DVR growing legs and murdering me for making it record PTI every day, and then erasing it without watching it.

I have come to the conclusion that I could not have functioned in the work place prior to 1995. Thankfully, I starting working at Dairy Queen in 1996, so I didn't have to find out. But I didn't need a computer to mix a Blizzard either.

BREW CITY RECAP IN ONE GIGANTIC RAMBLING PARAGRAPH

Went to the wedding. The only person I knew was this insane pot head chick from college, with a penchant for making up ridiculous lies, who I hadn't seen in 7 years that had gained about 60 pounds. I pounded 5 free Miller Lites, and braved the needless 45 minutes where the "bar was closed", which didn't make any sense at all. I then ate the buffet, which was pretty tasty. Sports Bottle picked myself and Mrs. Juice up. We went to a piano bar. Endured poor service and two drinks. Then we went to Milwaukee Ale House where we were duped into a $5.00 cover charge for a shitty classic rock cover charge. I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 pints of microbrew, and we stole a cab. We went back to the hotel, which reminded us all of the Overlook Hotel from The Shining. We put our chicks to bed and closed down the hotel bar after two or three vodka drinks. The bathroom had cloth towels instead of paper towels, and you literally took one or ten, and threw them into a hamper when you were done. It was insane. I face planted in the room, woke up drunk 8 hours later and made Mrs. Juice drive me home. Stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and spent the next 8 hours on the couch at home trying not to die. THE END.

All-Decade List: Technology

I was throwing around the idea of doing a whole bunch of all-decade lists, because I am just as qualified as anyone else (not really) to make these kinds of lists. I still might do some, but I realized how much thought could actually go into some of these. For instance, "Songs of the Decade". There are probably like 12 million songs put out in the decade. Not that you need to listen to all of them, but you probably have to hear most of them. So when I do that list when I'm sitting around bored the day after Christmas, take it with a whole bunch of grains of salt. I decided I was going to do one based on "Technology created in the last decade that changed my life the most." This has to be something that didn't exist before 2000. I'm going to throw some on here that probably only changed my life from an advertising/envy standpoint, and that for whatever reason I never actually owned. Feel free to suggest others in the comments, as I will surely miss one or ten.

1) The iPod

I got the whole idea for the list as I was listening to my "2005" playlist on my iPod on the way to "work" and I realized that the fucker is turning 5 this week. Five years for any piece of technology, especially in today's day and age, is like turning 300 in human years. I've dropped this thing, subjected it to temperatures ranging from -40 to 120. And it still works. The battery only lasts about 40 minutes without being charged and I can no longer use it as a running aid because it doesn't like being shaken. But it still plays music in my car. I've got well over 3,000 songs on it, which prior to 2000 would have involved numerous books of CDs that took up alot of space, and got scratched. I would say that not only in the vehicle, but exercising, the iPod was the technological advance of the decade. At least personally.

2) PlayStation 3

And I haven't even hooked it up to the Internet yet (I actually have ordered the equipment to do it). I was an early adopter, getting mine in 2007. While it is hard to waste as much time as I did with PSone or PS2, based on age and responsibility, it has still been life altering.

3) DVR

This probably should be higher, but I'm too lazy to cut and paste. You'll never miss a TV show again. You can record sporting events and avoid society until you have time to watch. Unbelievable advance.

4) Blu-Ray

I have one by way of my PS3. I have watched very few honestly. I'm a little behind on this one, and I don't have much excuse other than I don't watch that many movies, and don't really rent them. I was one of the first persons I knew to have a DVD player (1998) and have a Blu-Ray player (2007) but now I'm severely behind in that category. That being said, they are spectacular and I should run out and melt all my DVDs.

5) Wii

I don't own one (although my wife seems to want one for some reason), and I don't think I would sit and play one by myself. But it is one of the coolest things to have at your house when you have people over. It is really, really fun. Just make sure you use the wrist strap, especially when you are hammered.

6) Big Ten Network

I have it, and the fact that I can watch 99% of Badger games makes it a) awesome and b) has changed my life

7) NFL Network

Great, great channel. And since I have a Dish, I have it. Football 24/7.

STUFF I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE, BUT EITHER HAVE USED, OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAS, AND PERHAPS I WOULD LIKE IT, BUT IT HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOR WHATEVER REASON

8) Netflix

I have resolved to get this in 2010. There are too many movies/TV series I have missed out on, that need to be rented. And I will get Blu Ray for sure.

9) iPhone

Seriously fucking cool. I still want one. Rumor has it that there is AT&T 3G in Green Bay now. I'm hoping within the next 18 months Apple allows Verizon to have the iPhone. I would get one in a second. That being said, fuck everyone that sits on it non-stop when we are sitting at a bar. There are commercials every 12 seconds for it.

10) Xbox 360

In my mind it is PS3 lite. But for those who like Xbox, I guess it is pretty good.