The NFL Has Brainwashed Me

Here is a good example of how much I love the NFL. I currently have DishNetwork. I received an offer from Time Warner cable that would lower my cable bill by about $50 per month for the same exact package. The price would be guaranteed for two years. It is an absurd deal. And I thought twice. I hesitated. Why? Because Time Warner doesn't have the NFL Network, and I might miss like 6 Thursday night games. I'm going to switch so that I can bitch about Time Warner again, and save a bunch of money. But I bet I'm not the only one that would think twice about switching for fear of losing a few games. That is why the NFL is the greatest league in the world.

I guess I will just have to spend some of that savings at a bar and watch the games there.

Happy Easter I guess.

Super Bowl Week: Monday

I'm not going to lie. I doubt I will post every day this week. But here is what I have thought about today:

-The NFL Network, starting today, is running ONE HUNDRED HOURS of LIVE coverage this week. I will probably watch a lot of it. Why not?

-People in Green Bay are now bitching that the Packers don't want to do their potential parade downtown because a) I guess the one in 1997 was a shitstorm and b) the downtown kinda sucks. So they are having one on the route from the airport to Lambeau, which is not any different in my mind. But someone has to complain about something, so some bitch called in the radio station and said they should just "change the name to the Ashwaubenon Packers, because the Packers don't care about the city of Green Bay." OK, first, Ashwaubenon basically fucking is Green Bay, so shut up. It isn't like they are having the parade in OshVegas or Milwaukee or something. If you didn't live here you would have no idea if you were in Green Bay or not, much like when you are in the Metrodome, you don't know if you are in Minneapolis, or hell. Second, did this person really say "they don't care about the city of Green Bay???" Why? Because the Packers single handedly bring in $18 million dollars to the entire county every single time they play a game? Because Green Bay as the world knows it EXISTS almost entirely because of the Packers? This bitch loves her some He Who Shall Not Be Named. I know it.

-Some homeless couple won a free trip to the Super Bowl. First, if they are Packer fans, good on them. I'm jealous, but I'm not going to hate. Second, you are a fucking dumbass if you are homeless and don't sell these. I don't know your whole story, but seriously, if I was homeless for more than a day and someone handed me $10,000 (I've heard these tickets are the kind that are more like $25,000), you better fucking believe I'm selling them immediately. If they end up going, they are not real homeless people. I'm just saying. Third, I would like to know HOW they won. Especially since this thing was based on social media (Facebook and Twitter) and was a scavenger hunt of sorts. My semi-limited experience with homeless people would lead me to believe that laptops are scarce among the homeless community. I'm just saying.

-If you root for the Steelers, you also rooted for the Nazis. Fact.

Today In Fake Sports News

The White Broncos roster:
Bernard Berrian
Pierre Thomas
Shaun Hill
Jesus Fucking Christ. Someone shit directly in my cereal.

Baseball league with old dudes: Holding a tenuous 5-4 lead thanks to unbelievable pitching, and unbelievably terrible hitting. Chould likely win 4 out of 5 pitching categories without throwing another inning. But I'm going to for the jugular (and $75).

NFL RedZone Channel: Got all excited that Dish Network picked it up. Until I found out that those pricks want to charge me $5.99 a month for it. Fuck. That. I already pay too fucking much for TV. As an aside, I watched so many episodes of Entourage the other night that I had fucking Entourage-mares. (Similar to the 24-mares and Soprano-mares, I've had in the past). So I probably watch enough TV to make it worth it.

Michael Jordan gets rejected: Totally got busted surfing the Internets by the president of the company yesterday afternoon. Perhaps I am the Michael Jordan, Washington Wizards edition, of pretending to work. The fucking guy just appeared over my shoulder. At least it was ESPN.com and not something illegal.

Under Pressure

Dah, Dah, Dah, Dadada, Dah, Dah, Dah, Dadada. --Queen and David Bowie. (And if you don't think I'm listening to this song as I type this, you are crazy)

I have now resolved to just stop worry about whether Creighton is in or not, and to stop pouring over all 6,000 bracket predictions on the web. Because it doesn't fucking matter. I can't control any of it, so why worry. As the great Kyle Whelliston said "Forget it, you're out." And while the Mid-Majority concentrates on discrimination against small schools versus the big ones, he's right. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks other than the committee, so while stress myself out? Why trade endless texts all week with the great Twinkie as we dissect every first round game in the Big Ten tourney. (As I type this, ESPN is saying Creighton is the second to last team in). I'm just going to settle in, watch some halfway decent hoop today, and wait for the results. Then I'm going to bitch and moan about it until the fantasy baseball draft at 10 p.m.

-As an aside, I just want to point out that I came across a 1985 Packers-Bears game on NFL network last night. It was awesome because it was the original broadcast version. Jim fucking Zorn was starting at QB, and missing a wide open Phillip Epps by like ten yards. A pre-aunt raping Mossy Cade was breaking up passes. Mike Ditka was wearing tight ass pants. Forest Gregg looked homeless. The Pack had those weird jerseys with the G on the sleeve.

-In diet news, I bought my wife an Oreo Blizzard Ice Cream cake for her birthday treat. One eighth of the cake has 760 fucking calories. Being on a diet is gay.

-How the fuck did the U.S. get mercy ruled by Puerto Rico? Also, I was one more season of Babe Ruth ball away from starting in right field for the Netherlands.

NFL Network is Stupid

I technically don't really mean that. Any station that can give me live coverage of dudes running 40 yard dashed in thier underwear, is alright by me. But seriously, this morning (before I went to work, which is fucking bullshit) during a commercial break, they were touting 21 hours of He Who Shall Not Be Named's greatest moments. I thought to myself "Cool. Perhaps I can catch some old Packer games that I haven't seen in awhile." So I check the guide, and the old standards are all there: 1) The Cincinnati game in '92, when Majik got hurt and never came back (I actually have been watching like 10 minutes of this game a week since the LAST time he retired and they did this marathon thing. I'm somewhere in the 2nd quarter.) 2) The '95 title game against the Cowboys, that they keep showing for some reason, and which I refuse to watch because they fucking lost. How can it be one of His best performances if we lost? 3) The Pats Super Bowl. I'm not sure I recall seeing the actual TV broadcast since it was on when I was 16, so I recorded this one. 4) The Raiders game after his dad died. This was like 5 years ago, no need to record. Then, SIX FUCKING HOURS OF JETS GAMES. Really? He plays 16 out of 18 years in one place, but you are going to go with 6 out of 21 hours for the one season that he played for a different team. One that didn't even end in the playoffs? I disagree with this decision. I would allow the Cardinal game where he threw 6 TD's to be considered amongst the best in his career, but that is it. There were probably 100 other games those unimaginative fucks could have put on.

Other Illegitimate Thoughts

-Tonight at 10pm CST on NFL Network: Divisional Playoff: Green Bay at Philadelphia (2004)....Um, no thanks, I think I'm washing my hair or something. Fuck. That fucking tape should be destroyed forever along with the Broncos Super Bowl, and last year's NFC Championship among others. I'm too shaken to come up with the rest of my list....and there is a list.

-Derek Fisher has been on Mike and Mike in the Morning or PTI every day for the past two months. Does he even fucking play? How does he have time to do all these interviews? Michael Strahan thinks you are whoring yourself out to the media.

-On the Brewer telecast tonight, the announcers mentioned how Gabe Kapler was playing because Yost said he is "rewarding performance". Which seems to be true except for fucking Rickie Weeks. It's like Yost blacks out during all his at-bats. He is fucking janky. I had a nightmare last night that Sheets got hurt and went out for the year. Then I realized he was starting tonight...Then he pitched pretty well and is fine so whatever.

Rodgers on NFL Network

Happened to come upon an interview between Aaron Rodgers and Rich Eisen on NFL All Access last night. It was mostly boring, Rodgers droning on, saying all the right things, etc. Then, out of the blue, Eisen asks: "Is that a mullet you have?" Rodgers reply: "Not yet." Love that answer more than anything. Not yet. Meaning that he will at some point have one. This is a great development, I think.

Later, Eisen questioned him on how that wasn't a mullet, and Rodgers explained to him the intricacies of "business in the front, party in the back". Eisen says: "Looks like you got the party in the back part down." Rodgers replies: "I got all kinds of party back there."

The more I hear Rodgers talk about hairstyles and mustaches, the more I love the guy. He is my second favorite person on a sports team right now besides Ryan Braun.

NOTE: I couldn't find a good Rodgers hair picture without Favre in it (and he is dead I hear).