Every Time I Think I'm Done....

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Tiger Woods...

I hate to even mention it because I've mostly been trying to ignore it, but ok here goes. So Tiger Woods got into a car accident over the weekend. He apparently left his home at like 2:30 in the morning, and the following events occurred, but not necessarily in this particular order: His back window was busted out, he crashed his vehicle, the police were called, his wife was around for at least 2 of the 3 events.

Of course around the time the crash happened, Tiger was revealed to be cavorting around town with some mistress by the tabloids. Pretty convenient news break, but whatever, shit happens. This is probably what went down, Tiger is relaxing at home, getting some rest on a rare weekend off, his wife reads the tabloids, without even asking him about it, probably goes off into a huge tirade about how he just ruined her life. Did Tiger cheat on her? I don't know, probably, who cares? He's Tiger Woods, she knew what she was getting into when she was marrying a billionaire, free ride for the rest of her life and a small celebrity spotlight. Don't bitch when the coat tails you're riding on hit a tiny bump.

So anyways, she's going off on Tiger, he's got no good comeback off the top of his head because he probably was cheating on her and the guilt of the situation being shoved in his face by his wife probably made him freeze up. So then he says, fuck this I gotta clear my head, so he hops in his car to take off for a drive. Only crazy bitch has had one too many glasses of wine and is now pissed cuz Tiger not talking to her about it at the time has pretty much confirmed in her drunken mind that he is in fact cheating on her and is making her look like a fool to all of the other golfer's wives, who are also being cheated on.

She grabs the closest thing to her, which in Tiger Woods' house is a golf club, and chases him down their driveway. He sees her in the rear view as he is stopped at the end of the driveway to pull out, says oh shit and tries to gun it onto the road. She throws/swings the club into the back window, Tiger's probably never been driving a car before and had his windows smashed out while he's moving, freaks out, loses control of the car and hits a tree.

Wife smirks at the carnage she creates, until she sees Tiger stagger out of drivers seat, obviously shaken by what has just happened. She remembers he is her meal ticket and oh shit dials 911. While she's screaming and crying "I'm sorry I'm sorry" until the cops show up, Tiger just lays on the ground in the hopes that she may think he was knocked unconscious. He then gets into the ambulance and heads to the hospital so that he can finally get his mind clearing alone time drive out of the way, which is all that the man wanted to do in the first place.

I have no idea if Tiger was on some pain meds or whatever that would technically constitute giving him a DUI. Who gives a shit? He's Tiger Woods, he has a billion dollars, give him the fucking ticket right now, he probably wouldn't even fight it. I'm just sick and tired of people saying, oh my god I can't believe the preferential treatment that celebrities get. Um, what? If I was driving that car you can bet your ass the cops would have never been called and if they had been called by a neighbor I would have the same right as Tiger Woods has right now. I don't have to say a fucking word until they find something to charge me with and I go to court. I think that's right, isn't it lawyer friends?

Also how is this going to ruin Tiger Woods' career? Last time I checked he can still play golf and will still be Tiger Woods. Oh no this may hurt his endorsements. Tiger Woods doesn't get turned down for ads because he got in one car accident because of a psycho wife incident. Tiger Woods gets a small red flag on his marketability file for murdering a hobo and throwing his body off a bridge as a cop drives by while Woods is whistling and smiling to himself.

We need to invade another country or N. Korea needs to blow up another fucking missile somewhere so this isn't news anymore

Help Wanted

I am going to be quitting my job effective immediately and reporting to Packer training camp as there is apparently an "open competition" at QB. I assume that means for anyone.

Can we really trust anyone in this situation? I mean, this is getting more fucked up by the minute, as if that is even possible. I would not be surprised to learn that Favre and Ted Thompson are going to through a messy breakup of their illicit gay love affair and that is the cause of the tension. Or that Favre was indicted for molesting border collies. Nothing would shock me at this point. Favre might retire Tuesday. He may be traded (the Pack allegedly contacted the Queens on Friday). He may be forced to play with the fourth stringers. He may sign the personal service contract. Or there might be a legit competition. I won't believe anything until it happens. There has been more speculation that I've maybe ever seen.

The circus is officially coming to town. Yesterday, Favre's plane landed and you would have thought the president had arrived. A few dozen fans were screaming his name (and CRYING. Fucking get a life you fucking losers.), flash bulbs were popping, regular programming was interrupted. Also, Rodgers looked like shit (and was booed) at the scrimmage last night. This isn't going to end well. I don't see any way that the circus is going to end if Favre stays other than him being named the starter. Which if that is what McCarthy legitimately decides, I will get over myself and pretend this shit didn't happen. (I bet the makeup sex will be incredible.) And then I will brace myself for the same thing next year.

I guess we will have to wait until 8:15, when the world will shut down and McCarthy will hold a press conference where he will say some shit like "We will take it one day at a time". And we will be no closer to the end of this than now. Or he will rip his face off and reveal that he is a horse, and then the horse will rip its face off and reveal he is a broom. Nothing would surprise me.