Wednesday, December 31, 2008
If you think I'm not going to be monitoring both games closely while fake working, you are dead wrong.
After that, I will be whisked away to "celebrate" New Year's with one of my wife's friends, her husband, and their kid. Good times.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
And while we are here:
Atlanta OVER Arizona
Minnesota OVER Philly (Screw the experts)
Miami OVER Baltimore (GO PHINS!)
San Diego OVER Indy (even though I hate Phil Rivers)
One final note: I was 3 picks back in my "all or nothing" football pool heading into last weekend. Nobody above me scored in the final week (meaning they missed at least one game of the games they picked). Well, I didn't score either thanks to my shitty Tampa Bay pick. If I had picked 3 FOR SURE games like Pittsburgh OVER Cleveland, New England OVER Buffalo AND Green Bay OVER Detroit, I would have won over 400 buckaroos. The reason I didn't...I'm stupid and finished in 4th, good for $0. On the other hand, I won my other league for an additional 60 clams.
Monday, December 29, 2008
The playoffs are going to be awkward this year, with two of the prohibitive favorites in the preseason, not making it in. With Dallas exploding themselves everywhere, and New England somehow not getting in the playoffs despite being 11-5, this thing is going to be wide open. There isn't one team I can point to and say that they should roll into the Super Bowl.
I show up to work this morning after five glorious days off to find that someone made fucking coffee in the office coffee maker without using the fucking basket that is supposed to hold the filter/coffee grounds. They just put the filter right above the pot, which creates a problem: the filter is smaller than the hole above the pot(so it can fit into the basket) and because this is the case, when the water begins to pour over the grounds, the fucking filter loses its shape and spills coffee grounds 1) into the coffee pot (which is, in fact, the whole point of the filter/basket system, to AVOID coffee grounds in your coffee) and 2)all over the fucking inside of the coffee maker under where the basket is supposed to go. This is the second time this has happened in the last two weeks. Typically, I make the morning coffee because I am a piss-on that shows up early, and am the first one in that drinks coffee. But SOMEONE that obviously doesn't understand the complicated dynamics of a coffee maker is leaving a goddamn mess that I have to clean up in order to make the next pot of coffee. Which by the way, is fucking impossible because the inside of the coffee maker has all sorts of little plastic compartments that are about 1/8 of an inch wide that you can't clean the grounds out of. This, in turn, leads to coffee grounds in my fucking coffee, which really, really pisses me off. I have thought about leaving a note, but I don't want to "bite the hand that feeds me", by insulting someone that pays me. But fucking seriously. It isn't that hard to put the basket in first. Am I asking too much here?
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Atl (-14), NE (-6), Cin (-3), GB (-10.5), Ind (-3), NYG (+7), NO (-2.5), Pit (-11), TB (-13), Chi (-2.5), Was (+3), Bal (-12.5), NYJ (-2.5), Phi (-1.5), Ari (-7), SD (+8)
That's all I got.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Last night I finally broke down and got a new snowblower. My old one that I got for $50 two years ago broke, and was not repairable. So we headed out to the box stores last night to look. Eventually my wife forced me to get the more expensive model of the type we were looking at. I haven't used it yet (although it is slowing like a mother outside right now) but I'm pretty sure there is an option that sucks my dick.
RANDOM BEER REVIEW: Leinenkugel's "1888 Bock"
The bottom line is that it is tasty as fuck. Not the best beer I've ever had, but definitely among the best Leinie's. I didn't pour it into a glass, but it tastes like it is a brown-ish color. Tastes more like a Scotch Ale than a Bock. When I think of a bock, I normally think of a really, really dark beer. Like most Leinie's products, its lighter than that, but has alot of taste. I would highly recommend it. Plus its got a sweet fluorescent green label, with grass and shit on it, so it feels like spring.
SUNDAY WEATHER REPORT: High of 27, Sunny
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
More general bitching/observations:
1) McCarthy is a Lions loss away from me gaining 100 lbs, hiding his body, and showing up on the sidelines next year.
2) For all the great catches Driver has made this year, he dropped a HUGE one last night.
3) Ryan Grant isn't very good.
4) We actually had very few penalties last night, which was nice for a change.
5) How the fuck does a 38 yarder get blocked?
6) I completely agree with letting the clock run down at the end rather than throwing it around and chancing a fluke turnover.
7) A-Rodg is finally getting some respect from the MNF crew.
8) The Bears' offense is TERRRRRRIBLE--Bill Walton
9) That "horsecollar" call on Rouse was a crock of shit.
10) Why were there not TWO penalties on Adrian Peterson on that hit out of bounds. Shouldn't there have been a 15 yarder for late hit out of bounds, AND a horsecollar?
11) Why can our defense dominate for 3.5 quarters, and then make Matt Forte look like Barry Sanders?
12) Prediction for next week: Packers up 20-14 with :43 seconds left. Lions have the ball on their own 12. Orvlosky throws a 12 yard out to Calvin Johnson. Calvin Johnson pulls a gun out of his waistband and shoots all of our defenders to score the winning TD (ala "The Last Boy Scout").
And if that doesn't happen, and we still lose, that might be me out on the field.
Championship MVP goes to Dr. Phillip for his 284yd, 4TD performance. He joins Donovan McNabb in '07 and Marvin Harrison in '06 as past winners. (Which doesn't bode well for him).
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Norman, OK Regional
(1)Oklahoma 35, (4) Buffalo 7
(2)Oklahoma St. 37, (3) Pitt 20
Lubbock, TX Regional
(1) Texas Tech 48, (4) Rice 34
(3) Northwestern 31, (2) Ball St. 14
Austin, TX Regional
(1) Texas 30, (4) Boston College 13
(3)Missouri 24, (2) Ohio St. 21
Salt Lake City, UT Regional
(4) Oregon St. 7, (1) Utah 6
(2) TCU 31, (3) Tulsa 21
Tuscaloosa, AL Regional
(4) Ole Miss 17, (1) Alabama 0
(2) Cincinnati 29, (3) Oregon 21
Boise, ID Regional
(4) Virginia Tech 42, (1) Boise St. 16
(2) Georgia 28, (3) Georgia Tech 14
Gainesville, FL Regional
(1) Florida 41, (4) Troy 7
(2) BYU 27, (3) East Carolina 21
Los Angeles, CA Regional
(4) Western Michigan 27, (1) USC 21
(3) Michigan St. 15, (2) Penn St. 13
SECOND ROUND MATCHUPS:
(2) Oklahoma St. AT (1) Oklahoma
(3) Northwestern AT (1) Texas Tech
(3) Missouri AT (1) Texas
(2) TCU v. (4) Oregon St. at Salt Lake City, UT
(2) Cincinnati v. (4) Ole Miss at Tuscaloosa, AL
(2) Georgia v. (4) Virginia Tech at Boise, ID
(2) BYU AT (1) Florida
(3) Michigan St. v. (4) Western Michigan at Los Angeles, CA
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I experienced a very rare male phenomenon the other day. I walked into a public bathroom behind a rather old fellow. This bathroom contained three urinals. This gentleman was immediately overcome by the choice he had to make. There he stood with his choice of what urinal to use, 1, 2 or 3. Now, for most males the choice would either be 1 or 3. But this guy was a unique individual. As I'm waiting I'm automatically thinking I'm going to take whichever of the two he doesn't take since I'm a male under 40 years old and would very much prefer not to piss within 5 feet of some stranger. So after much debate, and using his call a friend option, he chose NUMBER 2, the middle urinal!! Are you fucking kidding me? I'm pretty sure I let out an audible "are you fucking serious?" He seemed satisfied with his decision as I realized he's one of these piss 6 feet from the urinal kinda guys where unless I'm looking directly away from him I can see his wang bouncing around. Now, for our millions of female readers, you must understand; this is not some weird sort of 'man law.' This is natural law, a scientific law! This guy obviously saw a predicament (3 unclaimed urinals), mulled over the possibilities (which urinal to claim), weighed the pros and cons and CHOSE the middle urinal. That should not happen. That process should not exist in this situation. He should have just walked in and gravitated to the left or right and I, without thinking about it, would have gone in the opposite direction.
I'm gonna comment on this Packer fan impatience issue. What happened to allowing a team to get better? I must be an old school sports fan. The 21st century fan needs everything NOW. "I don't care we have a new QB, we better win now!!!!!" I want people to have a chance. No one bitched about MM until this year. I think he's bought himself a cushion. Maybe he's made a few bad decisions this year, I'll give you that. But they were only bad decisions because the offense didn't execute. Had the FB dive worked at the end of the game against against the Panthers, no one would have thought twice about it. Now don't get me wrong, I thought it was a bad play call, but it's inches from being a good play call. I do have to say the settling for the 52 yard field goal at the end of the game against the Vikings was ridiculous. Bordering on unbelievable. But can't we give him a chance to learn? This is what, his 3rd year? I like the future of this team.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Again, tending to take the "relax" route. But with one condition. If we play the Lions on December 28th, and the Lions are 0-15, and we fucking lose, Thompson better have the balls to fire everyone on the coaching staff. Seriously. That would be the nail in the coffin for me. I we lose 8 of 9 capped off by a home loss to an 0-15 team? There would be no hope for a turnaround, and no where else to turn.
I kicked Richard's monkey ass in the OJSFA semi-finals thanks to a tremendous 4th quarter by league MVP Phil Rivers. I was sweating the decision when Rivers had -.08 points at halftime. Romo performed pretty well too. I've got some tough matchups next week as I take on the winner of a seemingly tight Twinkie-Bear matchup in the other semi.
I've got to wiegh in on Sean Avery. This is sort of old, but it keeps popping up and is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Avery is a hockey player for those who don't know. He is one of these types that talks alot, has "personality", and says really dumb things. He's like an NFL wideout. A few weeks ago, he made a crack about some other NHLer dating his ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert (aka Jack Bauer's daughter, aka would be hot if she wasn't so fucking annoying and stupid in 24), and referring to her as "sloppy seconds". I got a chuckle out of it. NHL commish Gary Bettman apparently didn't get the joke and suspended him for SIX games. Are you fucking kidding? Are we in Russia? SIX games for saying "sloppy seconds" not in reference to the bosses daughter or wife? And then if that wasn't insane enough, his team, the Dallas Stars, comes out and basically says that he's fired and they won't have him back. Really? Look I don't follow hockey. It is my understanding that Avery is good-ish, and is one of those "enforcer" dudes that punches people alot. Anyway, he is getting FIRED for saying this (although I assume there are other in-house issues at work, I'm going to assume for the sake of this rant that there isn't). And he is alledgedly relatively good! The whole world is going to hell in a handbasket. This makes my head hurt.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I'm gonna take the official stance that the Packers don't need a large shakeup in the offseason. I've had time to reflect after the terrible losses over the past couple weeks. Anyone who thinks TT needs to leave or MM needs to get the ax needs to relax and step back and look at this year from another viewpoint.
We've had some brilliant games (Indy, 2nd Bears game) so we know we can beat anyone, and not just beat them, kick the shit outta them. We've also had some ugly games (Saints, Dallas). And we've lost a bunch of games we could have won (Houston, Carolina, Vikings, Atlanta, Tennessee). Theoretically we could possibly be 10-3 going into this week. Just give us half those close games and this year looks much better.
The most telling game for me was the Tennessee game. We went into their house. They were the best team in the NFL and undefeated. And we took them to OT. We showed we can play with the best.
So, the issue for me is experience. We have an extremely young team and they need to learn to win together. This is a process. A team like this learns a lot in a full season. Aaron Rodgers has been, in my opinion, much better than expected. Do people forget the only real playing time he had was against Dallas last year. This is basically a rookie year and he's a legit big time QB and I agree with Juice that he's a top 5 NFC QB. But, he needs to learn to win. Give the Packers a 4 point deficit and 6 minutes remaining and I have all the confidence in the world they'll score. But give them the same deficit and 1:30 remaining and I have all the confidence in a 3 and out or an interception. But they'll get better.
The D needs a little help. The corners are aging and who knows how long they'll be effective. But they have some youth too and they need to learn to play under pressure b/c I'm sure with Ricky over center, Juice in the backfield and me and Bear at wideout with just Twinkie blocking we could score on the Packers in a 2 minute drill.
Moral of the story, sit back and relax. This year is done but they'll get better even if they don't add anyone in free agency. Hopefully they can get a couple quality additions and not lose anyone really important.
Other thoughts -
I'd like to see Brandon Jackson featured in our running game.
Pacquiao/De La Hoya fight was entertaining but a complete ass kicking. De La Hoya is washed up. He's finished. And Pacquiao is a stud. Does anyone reading this give a shit? Probably not.
Dark Knight was fantastic. The Joker has to be one of the greatest villians ever and Heath Ledger is brilliant. Its hard to believe its him, RIP.
Oh, and I did get some 5am nookie. I'll spare you the details. And no, Twinkie, I will not text you the details. That goes for you too, Bear. But if Loaf Cobra wants them he can have them.
Tar Heels only won by 16. They were slacking a little after final exams.
Yes, the trading of Tom Brady five minutes before he blew out his knee and was put out for the year was the winner. The complete trade was Brady/L. Coles from Bear to my brother for Big Ben/Reggie Wayne.
Past winners: 2006: Michael Vick (believe it or not); 2007: Derek Anderson (believe it or not). My advice to Bear is drop him like a bad habit next year.
Next up, the newly named "Sports Bottle Award" for rookie of the year. This is an inside joke about the Sports Bottle going 2-14 in our first year.This year's winner is Matt Forte.
The next award's name may be slightly outdated, but Packer fans will get it. It is the "Marquand Manuel" award for sleeper of the year. You might remember former (thank god) Packer safety Marquand Manuel falling asleep in the secondary and allowing receivers to run free past him for TD's. This award is for the player selected in the 10th round or later, with the most total points.A-Rodg is this year's winner.
The "Wilt Chamberlain Award" is the next award to be handed out. This award is in honor of Wilt Chamberlain sleeping with 20,000 women, and is for the scoring leader.
Drew Brees is your winner. Drew played for the last place team this year, and clearly was just trying to pile up stats.
Past Winners: 2006: Domanick Davis (I believe he is dead now), 2007: Marvin Harrison
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Today is a great sports day for me. My Heels continue their heated rivalry with Oral Roberts tonight at 5pm. It doesn't matter how bad either team is and how good the other team is, this game is always close. The Heels are on a 10 day lay off. It would be close if it was at Oral Roberts. Where is Oral Roberts? Heels win 103-59.
I've successfully managed to make it all week without hearing who won the Pacquiao-De La Hoya fight. The replay will be on soon. I avoided the topic on Monday's PTI and I saw a pic of De La Hoya in SI this week but I'm not jumping to any conclusions. Then I was watching an MMA fight on HDnet last night and they started talking about the fight. What the fuck? I turned it off and never returned.
The g/f and I are heading to an indoor arcade/mini golf/ laser tag place tonight. This could be a ticking bomb. I'm facing a dilemma. Should I kick the shit out of her at everything and risk her getting pissed or should I let her win? I live by the philosophy that I let chicks win when I'm hitting on them. But I don't need to hit on her. Game on, let the domination begin!
I am so fucking sick and tired of the Yankees. We are entering another Yankee great 5 or 6 year stretch. They are gonna be very good. Red Sox beware. The Yankees are like the Cowboys to me. I hate them when they're good but I love rooting against them. When they aren't very good I just don't give a shit. But, CC and Burnett? Fuck.
The night will be capped off by a viewing of 'Dark Knight.' And hopefully some sex. I'll give a review of both at a later date.
Friday, December 12, 2008
In my straight up pick'em pool, I have made $60 in the past 3 weeks (if gambling were legal). This is significant because I paid only $20 to join.
In my "all or nothing" pool, meaning you can pick as many games as you want each week, but you only get points that week if you get all games that you pick right, I am 2nd overall and have pointed the last 3 weeks. I tell you both of these things knowing that I have now probably jinxed myself out of any money I was set to win. And that is aside from the ass-kicking I am sure to take in the OJSFA in the opening round of the playoffs.
Well, excuse me while I go back on cruise control at work and check out some more mindless games at www.candystand.com which is great for burning hours of company time. I have accumulated 24 trophies thus far. I will now employ Juice's trick of leaving a file open on my desk and suddenly glancing down at if one of my bosses walks in here, while I simultanously flick the computer monitor off. Have a good weekend all.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
It's a Sports Illustrated Extravaganza!! For the first time I can recall I've received 3 different Sports Illustrateds in the same week. For my viewing pleasure I have the SI shown above, the Golf Plus 2008 Review/2009 Preview and the 2008 Pictures of the Year.
Tim Tebow is a monster. For the first time all year I was able to enjoy an entire Saturday of college football. I'm normally working during that time, keeping the streets safe for Juice, Twinkie and Bear. The type of people who look to me for guidance and reassurance.
Anyways, I caught the entire Florida/Bama game. The entire time I was thinking how ridiculous it is that Vegas had Florida favored by 10 and it looked even more ridiculous with Bama up 20-17 in the second half. Well, once again Vegas gets it right. How the fuck do they do that? Hmmmm......
A nice picture of the Sooners praying on the field before they kicked the shit out of Missouri. I don't see Missouri players praying anywhere in the picture. This leads me to believe (my) God likes the Sooners because I'm sure God took time out of his day to catch this snoozer of a game. I hear Jesus is a great blocking running back.
SI Players NFL Poll - What percentage of NFL players would you say use performance enhancing drugs?
- 0 to 4 percent - 32%
- 5 to 9 percent - 23%
- 10 to 19 percent - 20%
- 20 to 29 percent - 12%
- 30 percent or more - 12%
Apparently Lane Kiffin has a really hot wife.
$5,050 - amount the door to the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders' locker room sold for in an auction of Texas Stadium memorabilia.
Faces in the Crowd - one F-able chick, given she's 18. Otherwise I'd never even think about it.
Interview with Mack Brown. Who, besides me, knew Mack Brown led the Tar Heels to an 11-1 record in 1997? Anyone?
I always thought Sam Bradford was white, but now I'm not so sure.
Long ass article about rich Russian dudes spending a shit load of money to fuel the Russian sports machine. Riveting.
Lets move onto the feature of the day - the Golf Plus Review/Preview!!! In case I haven't mentioned it in the past, I love golf. I love playing it and I love watching it on my 61' HD TV. I love playing it with Juice. He always teaches me a few things.
Other random thoughts -
Fuck CC. Fuck him right in the butt. If anyone thought there was a minute chance he'd remain a Brewer, you are a fucking retard
The Bucks are good at nothing, except maybe rebounding. Every game is the same. They shoot 37% and get outscored by 20 at the free throw line.
Got 'Dark Knight' from Netflix. I'm really looking forward to watching. Yes, I haven't seen it yet. Fucking get over it.
'True Blood' on HBO is excellent. Lots of blood and sex.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Speaking of the Brewers, I guess CC isn't coming after all. I'm not going to believe he actually signed until I see him in pinstripes, because there have been incorrect stories all off season about when he was signing and with who. Yesterday there was a story blowing around that CC outright told the Yankees to get bent and the Brewers were the front runners. The whole hot stove rumor thing is rather ridiculous. But at least we got Mike Lamb and Todd Coffee!
Bucky BARELY held on last night in a snooze-fest against Idaho St. I say snooze-fest because I kept dozing off to the dulcet tones of Craig Coshoun, and bricks being laid by the Badgers. Any time a Big Sky team comes into Madison and has a last second shot to win, that doesn't bode well for your tourney chances. But historically, Bucky plays down to its competition, and will probably rattle off 10 or 11 Big Ten wins, which will put them in the hunt for a 6 seed or so. If UWGB (who has been borderline great since getting blown out by a D-II team) knocks them off Saturday, we may have a problem. Marcus Landry would be only about the 4th best player on alot of other Big Ten teams, and he is relied on to be our main man, which might not be good. Also, he is probably the only non-gangster/Mormon to have two kids in college.
Big game tonight in the Big O. I'll leave most of the good analysis to the great Kyle Whelliston at Mid-Majority.com. I think Dayton is probably a better team at this point. But both CU loses came on the road, both big Dayton wins were at home, Dana has kicked his team in the ass, and CU rarely loses at the Qwest. I can only hope that finals don't lower the crowd number. CU 65, Dayton 63
Last week: 10-6
Chi (-3), Atl (-3), Was (-7), Sea (NL), Mia (-6.5), Ind (-17), KC (+5.5), Jax (+1.5), Ari (NL), Car (-7.5), Pit (+2), NE (-7), NYG (+3), Phi (-14)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Took a new direction at the game this week. My former status quo had been: park in a residential area with easy in and out, South of the stadium, head down to the bars on Holmgren Way, get a brat and bloody at the Bay City Smokehouse tent, stare at Paul Hornung and William Henderson as they sign autographs at Stadium View, watch some drunken asshole fall off the mechanical bull, drink a beer or two, walk around a bit, go into the game, get a beer, sit down, watch game.
This week I got free tickets to the game (which is alot cheaper than the $93 I paid for the Lions game when the Packers were still good) and went with my father in-law. He wanted to meet up with a friend of his at Buffalo Wild Wings (hereinafter BW2, there aren't three fucking W's). His buddy claimed that the lot at BW2 was easy to get in and out of. It was $10 to park, but my father-in-law paid it because the tickets were free. The pre-game experience at BW2 was really enjoyable actually, we got there in time to get a table near the bar, the waitstaff stopped by frequently enough, the beer was alot cheaper than other places near by, the food was quick, cheap-ish and tasty, there were random hot beer girls there, it was crowded enough to make the atmosphere somewhat exciting but not too crowded, and most of all it was warm. I would definitely go back. Except I would never park there again because it took us an hour to get out of the parking lot, but that is another story. The only down side was lack of grill smell, but you can get that on the walk to the stadium. But seriously, especially in cold weather situations, this will probably be in my repertoire.
At the game itself, the temp at game time was 13, with a 5 degree wind chill. But it wasn't real windy so it wasn't too bad. The face got a little cold, but otherwise I was fine. There was a layer of ice on all of the bleachers, but we had a blanket so that was OK.
RANDOM STUPID ASSHOLE ALERT: So we had "negative couple" behind us at the game. You know the ones. The people who bitch and moan non-stop at the game. This particular couple hated Aaron Rodgers for some reason, even though he is a top 5 QB in the NFC. With every incomplete pass there was: "Six more years of this." or "Oh, yeah, he is worth $65 million". On his second TD, as the ball was released, the guy screamed "What are you doing?" I wanted to punch him in the face. And his wife was the worst one. Even when he would get sacked (like the time where two guys came in untouched in about .3 seconds) they would bitch about it. I don't really understand you people. And as Samuel L. Jackson once stated, "Yes they deserved to die! And I hope they burn in hell!"
It has snowed like a mother for the past two days here. And the media panic started the day before. They called it a "Snow Event", which I guess must be worse than a snowstorm (but maybe not as bad as a blizzard?) Forecast called for 8 to 14 inches, and thousands of casualties. I got up this morning to find a solid 7 inches in my driveway, with a three foot drift on one side, and snow still falling. Which sucks when your snowblower breaks. I had time to shovel the half behind our car before work. In the car on the way to work, I was warned to stay off the roads at all costs, and if you do drive there is like a 92% chance that you will die. In actuality, the roads were not that bad at all. I'm not really sure where I was going with this, other than to say that I hate when the media scares everyone up about snow, but what I hate worse is shoveling. But even worse than that is when your team inexplicably aborts itself in front of you two weeks in a row. Also it is supposed to be 40 this Sunday. Fuck. Me.
Also in case anyone happened to miss this, which I doubt because it's been absolutely plastered all over deadspin and PFT, but Visanthe Shiancoe is now a huge star.
Kevin Mchale is approximately 63 games from being forever cut from the T-Wolves franchise like the cancerous tumor that he is. At least Minnesota fans will have another high lottery pick chance to look forward to when they get their new coach and now Mchale won't be there to trade the right pick for their team away anymore!
Should be less than two weeks now until Sabathia is a Yankee, I've come to terms with this.
I'm a little concerned with Doug Melvin being 100% dead set against trading any of his young current major leaguers. Why is he so against this? Of course maybe he is and he's just playing the politics game, Melvin's response to 95% of trade rumors is "We've never had any discussion about this player, EVER"
Why the fuck is Peavy so interested in going to the Cubs but tells the Brewers to 100% fuck off? I hope you end up in Chicago and lose for the rest of your life you fucking prick.
The Yankees and Mets, after already get a billion and a half dollars from the city of New York, are asking for another half billion dollars. Stay classy New York.
In one fell swoop I managed to "blow" a 40 point lead coming into Monday night of fantasy football with about 60 stagnant points on my bench, and tie in my first round playoff game of another league with roughly 40 points on that bench, of course I wasn't even close to competing in the tie breaker, weak. That's alright though, I'm winning money in Juice's league
Derrick Rose apparantely cut himself while eating in apple in bed earlier this week. I can't say too much, I prefer to eat apples with a knife myself, the real kicker here is that the report says he cut himself on his arm. Wtf, was he using his arm as a cutting board? How do you even do that? He's not expected to miss any playing time at least, so it won't go into one of those, pitcher dislocates his shoulder while putting kid to bed, freak injury columns that writers put together once a month. We get it, athletes get hurt like normal people too.
During the post game analysis of MNF last night Steve Young looks like he got douched in the face with an empty beer cup. Judging from the direction of where the cup was coming from, I can't entirely rule out Emmitt. I will say this though, Young kept his cool and didn't skip a beat in his report.
So this turned into some random thoughts for the day...
Monday, December 8, 2008
Juicelaw's Dream D-I NCAA Football Get Together Presented by Cockring Emporium!: The Bracket is revealed!
After spending nearly 15 hours in the car (round-trip) and traveling close to 900 miles, the wife and I managed to avoid any sort of severe wreck or serious argument. All in all it was a great trip, consisting of drinking with 2 of my only real friends from law school, and lacking only a certain drinking buddy from Wisconsin. Yes, I am charismatic I know, going to school for 3 years and making solid friendships with a total of about 3 people. Here's a brief synopsis:
6:30 p.m. Friday - we finally get on the road after the wife had to see an emergency patient. Emergency patients don't exist on Monday - Thursday, and even Friday before noon, but when you have to go somewhere, they are a sure thing Friday at 4:30 p.m.
7:30 p.m. - an unexpected pit stop to Mills Fleet Farm, or as Juice likes to call it "Redneck City". I myself think this is a fabulous store. The purpose for the stop, an air mattress for Mike's apartment. U know you are old and married when you need an air mattress to crash at a buddy's suite.
9:30 p.m. - the wife closes her eyes and dozes off. Yes, I know sitting in the passenger seat and listening to a book on tape is exhausting. Meanwhile, I manage to navigate the icy, snowy roads and slurp down my 3rd coffee. For the record, books on tape are a fabulous invention. It's like reading without doing the work. This particular one is "the Good Guy" by Dean Koontz. Some pretty intense shit.
1:30 a.m. - arrival in O-town. It's always funny to pull into Mike's place late at night (usually after the bars) because he lives in "mormonville USA" and know that everybody has been sleeping there for at least 3 hours after falling asleep after a few intense games of yahtzee and sipping on ginger ale. I notice there is a car pulling in right behind me. GUESS WHO? Mike and J Grant pulling in with a large amount of fast food. They appear very inebriated. Ah, the good ol days. Finally get to sleep at 2:15 after slamming a few beers and bullshitting.
8: 30 a.m. Saturday - Ouch. Too early.
9: 00 a.m. - UGH. still too early. Mikes leaves for pictures as he is an usher. I think being an usher is probably the greatest position to hold in a wedding. The opportunity to escort hot chicks. Only minimal responsibility. You know what else is a better position in a wedding? Not being in the wedding, not having to wear a tux and having no responsibility.
9:30 - wife leaves to visit a friend. Grrr. Still too early.
10 am - J-Grant and I listen to a Dane Cook DVD that I had borrowed from my brother. Funny shit. Especially the bit about the flute player in the civil war. My favorite part.
This shit is getting too long and you guys are probably bored (after the first 2 sentences). The only real significant event in the afternoon was cracking the first beers at 2:30 p.m. before the wedding. Oh yeah, I guess the wedding happened too. ZZZZzzzzzzz.
5:30 pm. - J Grant and I are in the hotel room watching college football and having beers. He thinks there isn't enough people downstairs to join the social hour. I think it has been long enough since the wedding and that it is probably packed. A trip downstairs confirms it. Yup, it was packed. We meet up with Mike and the fun begins. Oh yeah, the bride's family is loaded. Open, full bars until 1 a.m.
6:00 p.m. - I run into one of the bridesmaids from law school. She asks what kind of law I am practicing and I tell her family law, criminal defense, etc. to which she replies "Oh, the easy stuff". Fucking bitch. Could have slapped her, but the wife was with and I coolly played it off like she didn't just fucking belittle my short legal career. Oh yeah, she was probably one of the only hot girls in our class. Did I mention she could be a bitch? She also told us at least 50 times how cute her daughter was. zzzzzzzzz
6:30 p.m. - Mike has a cigarette
6:45 p.m. - Mike has a cigarette
7:10 p.m - Mike has a cigarette. You get the picture.
9 p.m - Mike begins to show obvious signs of drunkardness. Plus, he didn't shave early this AM, so he is beginning to look kind of creepy. He has yet to light up a cigarette in the no smoking ballroom, much to my suprise. The wife goes upstairs to nap and instructs me to wake her up at 10:30 so she can rally. This impressed me.
10 p.m. - Mike is beginning to tweak out. Says we should change out of our dress clothes and head to the downtown bars. J Grant and I veto this for several reasons, the most obvious being the large quantities of free booze waiting for our consumption. We calm him down and decided they should hit the dance floor looking for horny bridesmaids. I watch with amusement.
10:05 p.m. - the dance floor parts in horror. J Grant dropped his drink in the middle of the floor leaving a wet surface and thousands of shards of glass. Who brought the assholes? We did.
10:45 - 1 a.m. Sunday - the usual drinking and dancing continues. The wife rejoined the party as promised. Nothing real exciting. We are getting fucking old. Mike and J Grant made no obvious advances towards single women (Or married ones for that matter). This was severely disappointing to me. When you are married you live vicariously through your friends as they hit on women. I did not get to experience any of this. I feel cheated.
1:15 - Mike has changed into his Oregon ducks sweatpants and white T Shirt with almost 2 days of facial hair. He is seriously trolling for women now in the reception area, looking desperate, intoxicated and very, very creepy. I love hanging out with this guy.
1:30 - No scoring for either of my single friends. Unbelievable. We order pizza and eat in Mike's room watching football highlights. The bitch bridesmaid has decided to stay the night in Mike's room on the "heida" bed. I am pretty confident no funny business went on, as she is married with a child, although with Mike, you can't be 100% sure. I had to leave the room at about 1:45 as my speech was slurred and I literally could no longer put a sentence together. I feel like I'm about to puke. I leave in a rush and knock 1/2 the pizza on the floor. Oops. I do not puke, but instead go back to my room and pass out. A good night.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
The Packers are the team reincarnation of the Chris Webber timeout vs UNC or that Cowboys TE dropping that touchdown catch when he was wide open in the end zone. They cannot do shit under pressure. Don't be fooled. The touchdown with 6 minutes left to tie the game was not clutch. Clutch time is when Grant ran for the first down with just over 2 minutes left and Tony Moll had a holding call (which seemed like a horseshit call). But even more un-clutch was the sack given up on the next play, which appeared to be a screen. Isn't it the point of a screen to let the pass rush through to set the screen up? And then the next play is a 2 foot dump pass to a TE. The offense couldn't step up when it needed to.
But neither could the D. I fucking hate the Packer defense. Our new punter pins the Texans at the 2 yd line. That was clutch. But the clutchness ended there. Two big pass plays later and an easy field goal.
I'm not sure if every fan of every team feels this way, but isn't every single last second field goal against the Packers right down the middle? What was it, like a 57 yard field goal a couple years ago against the Vikings?
Shouldn't the Packers be showing signs of improvement as the year moves on? We're showing the same progress as the Austin Powers movies. We shouldn't be our best at the beginning of the year. I believe if this team did what most mildly decent young teams did (improving throughout the year), we could be very good next year. I originally thought that was the case but now I'm not so sure. I have no more optimism. We couldn't beat the Texans at home. Fucking ridiculous.
I'm not one to jump the gun and say we should completely re-tool next year but there's something wrong that shouldn't be wrong. I'm still old school and wish coaches still coached teams for decades, through good times and bad. But I'm also realistic and know that's not the case anymore. Someone's seat might be getting warm......
Friday, December 5, 2008
Juice, I know what you are thinking ("wait, that asshole didn't come to my wedding"). Well, you're right, except I almost died and was laid up in the hospital when you got married. I said a prayer for you two to my God, and it must have worked because your wife hasn't gotten rid of you yet! And mark my words, someday the wife and I will make the same long-ass haul that you did, across two states, to visit you, if you invite us. If not, I would expect the Sports Bottle to invite us.
Anyways, back to my boy Mike. This guy dated some girl whom none of us friend thought was that hot (or cool for that matter), and now she ripped his heart out of his ass and dumped him. So, being the great friend I am, I am driving down there to help him get really drunk and get her out of his mind. I am also hoping to play the role of wingman and help him bang some hot, half-drunk bridesmaid. I am a little out of the partying scene, and it has been a long time since I last "tied one on". I am very nervous about trying to keep the beer flowing as much as my friends, and also my propensity to develop a huge vagina and get really sleepy at 11 p.m. Full update to follow Monday, as I will be exhausted and ready to put off any work. I may even rip off one of Simmons'/Juice's running diaries...