Thursday, December 4, 2008

Sports Illustrated Review

I'm now up to date. I received this SI yesterday.
It's the yearly Sportsman of the Year "double issue." Speaking of issue, I take issue with this horseshit "double issue" idea SI uses a couple times a year. I pay for 52 SIs a year and this issue here counts as two. Fucking bogus. They could call any issue a double issue if they wanted to.
Amazingly, it appears Jordan only got this 'award' once. To jog everyone's memory, He Who Shall Not Be Named won the award last year.
Phelps has to be extremely uncomfortable in those wet clothes. I hate the thought of being in wet clothes. I watched the Crocodile Hunter running through a river after a water snake today in his usual garb. Disgusting.
SI Players Poll (a follow up to last week) - Which team has the NFL's worst playing surface? Steelers (Heinz Field) is the overwhelming winner with 27%. #2 was the Raiders (McAfee Coliseum) with 13%. Dolphins stadium finished fourth in both the best and worst polls. Fascinating.
Michael Phelps is all over this magazine. 2nd picture of him not counting the cover and I haven't even reached his article yet.
$510,161,750 - value of in-race TV exposure for Jimmie Johnson's sponsors this season. That's a shitload of dough.
$3 million - price per 30 second Super Bowl ad. 59 of 67 spots have been sold. Anyone remember the original Bud Bowl? I believe it was the 49ers vs Bengals Super Bowl. I thought it was great and it was great for a couple years. I always rooted for Bud Light.
Pop Culture Grid - Elton Brand, Gary Brackett, Dan Ellis and Roddy White. I've heard of 3. Anyone, without the aid of the internet, know who Dan Ellis is? A hint - when asked "____ is hazardous to my health" he stated "a puck to the head."
Faces in the Crowd - 2 possible boneable chicks.
Cover Story. Who didn't love the Olympics this year? Fuck all the shit about human rights violations and China is the worst place ever blah blah blah. I thought the Olympics were great. Phelps was great. That relay where that Lezak dude made the remarkable comeback in the freestyle was incredible. And how did Phelps win that butterfly race?
It's the 40th anniversary of the first Special Olympics. Rather impressive. This is a great cause but you'll never catch me watching because my almost guaranteed spot in hell would become a foregone conclusion. If you want to join me in hell, listen to 'Special Olympics' by Stephen Lynch.
Spotlight on the Giants offense. Mildly interesting since I have Brandon Jacobs.
Oregon St vs Oregon. Not very interested. I already know what happened. But I'm forecasting some more BCS bashing.
Focus on Paul Pierce. I think he's a huge douchebag.
Some article about a shooting at a high school basketball game back in 1992 Alabama. Yawn. I bet this is a long ass article..... Yep.
Mark Teixeira's gonna get a lot of money. Scott Boras is a hypnotist.
Finally, an article outlining the Pacquiao/De La Hoya fight. I'm guessing no one reading this gives a shit about this fight, but for boxing fans, it's pretty huge. I haven't decided who I'm rooting for. I think I want Pacquiao. The fight is on HBO PPV. I fucking hate that. Boxing is suffering pretty badly right now, for many reasons. This is one of the biggest reasons. They need to bring back casual fans by showing the biggest fights live on regular HBO. I will not buy the fight and hopefully I can avoid finding out the result until I watch the replay the following Saturday.
Alexander Ovechkin is the man. He's on my fantasy hockey team.
A stuntman finances his passion for stock car racing by being a stuntman. Guaranteed another long ass article.... Yep, very long.
99 yard TD pass to Berrian. Fuck, I had him on the bench.
LT is lost in Chargers offense.
Advice - don't lose faith in Michigan St (college basketball). Well, in case anyone didn't see the final result, MY Tar Heels kicked the shit out of MSU - 98-63. I know Juice is rolling his eyes but this could possibly be one of the best college basketball teams we've ever seen. Tywon Lawson is the best PG in the country right now.
Badger alum update - Devin Harris is not Jason Kidd. But he's becoming an offensive force for the Nets.
Other random thoughts -
Sean Avery is a retard.
Antonio Pierce is a retard.
Plaxico Burress is a very intelligent human being.
Supporters of the BCS are retards.
I said it before the play happened. The Packers should've gone for the TD on 4th down in the 4th quarter.


Juicelaw said...

It looks like his face is super-imposed on that picture.

Juicelaw said...

You violated an important blog rule by mentioning the thought of a certain person.

UNC is pretty fucking good. But a little early to drop the "best ever" tag on them, don't you think?

The Sports Bottle said...

I follow only rules laid out by Bear.

I said they 'could possibly' be one of the best we've ever seen. I didn't say they were, at this point. And I also didn't say 'best ever.' I said best we've seen, as in us. You and me. Juice and Bottle.