road trip recap

After spending nearly 15 hours in the car (round-trip) and traveling close to 900 miles, the wife and I managed to avoid any sort of severe wreck or serious argument. All in all it was a great trip, consisting of drinking with 2 of my only real friends from law school, and lacking only a certain drinking buddy from Wisconsin. Yes, I am charismatic I know, going to school for 3 years and making solid friendships with a total of about 3 people. Here's a brief synopsis:

6:30 p.m. Friday - we finally get on the road after the wife had to see an emergency patient. Emergency patients don't exist on Monday - Thursday, and even Friday before noon, but when you have to go somewhere, they are a sure thing Friday at 4:30 p.m.

7:30 p.m. - an unexpected pit stop to Mills Fleet Farm, or as Juice likes to call it "Redneck City". I myself think this is a fabulous store. The purpose for the stop, an air mattress for Mike's apartment. U know you are old and married when you need an air mattress to crash at a buddy's suite.

9:30 p.m. - the wife closes her eyes and dozes off. Yes, I know sitting in the passenger seat and listening to a book on tape is exhausting. Meanwhile, I manage to navigate the icy, snowy roads and slurp down my 3rd coffee. For the record, books on tape are a fabulous invention. It's like reading without doing the work. This particular one is "the Good Guy" by Dean Koontz. Some pretty intense shit.

1:30 a.m. - arrival in O-town. It's always funny to pull into Mike's place late at night (usually after the bars) because he lives in "mormonville USA" and know that everybody has been sleeping there for at least 3 hours after falling asleep after a few intense games of yahtzee and sipping on ginger ale. I notice there is a car pulling in right behind me. GUESS WHO? Mike and J Grant pulling in with a large amount of fast food. They appear very inebriated. Ah, the good ol days. Finally get to sleep at 2:15 after slamming a few beers and bullshitting.

8: 30 a.m. Saturday - Ouch. Too early.

9: 00 a.m. - UGH. still too early. Mikes leaves for pictures as he is an usher. I think being an usher is probably the greatest position to hold in a wedding. The opportunity to escort hot chicks. Only minimal responsibility. You know what else is a better position in a wedding? Not being in the wedding, not having to wear a tux and having no responsibility.

9:30 - wife leaves to visit a friend. Grrr. Still too early.

10 am - J-Grant and I listen to a Dane Cook DVD that I had borrowed from my brother. Funny shit. Especially the bit about the flute player in the civil war. My favorite part.

This shit is getting too long and you guys are probably bored (after the first 2 sentences). The only real significant event in the afternoon was cracking the first beers at 2:30 p.m. before the wedding. Oh yeah, I guess the wedding happened too. ZZZZzzzzzzz.

5:30 pm. - J Grant and I are in the hotel room watching college football and having beers. He thinks there isn't enough people downstairs to join the social hour. I think it has been long enough since the wedding and that it is probably packed. A trip downstairs confirms it. Yup, it was packed. We meet up with Mike and the fun begins. Oh yeah, the bride's family is loaded. Open, full bars until 1 a.m.

6:00 p.m. - I run into one of the bridesmaids from law school. She asks what kind of law I am practicing and I tell her family law, criminal defense, etc. to which she replies "Oh, the easy stuff". Fucking bitch. Could have slapped her, but the wife was with and I coolly played it off like she didn't just fucking belittle my short legal career. Oh yeah, she was probably one of the only hot girls in our class. Did I mention she could be a bitch? She also told us at least 50 times how cute her daughter was. zzzzzzzzz

6:30 p.m. - Mike has a cigarette
6:45 p.m. - Mike has a cigarette
7:10 p.m - Mike has a cigarette. You get the picture.

9 p.m - Mike begins to show obvious signs of drunkardness. Plus, he didn't shave early this AM, so he is beginning to look kind of creepy. He has yet to light up a cigarette in the no smoking ballroom, much to my suprise. The wife goes upstairs to nap and instructs me to wake her up at 10:30 so she can rally. This impressed me.

10 p.m. - Mike is beginning to tweak out. Says we should change out of our dress clothes and head to the downtown bars. J Grant and I veto this for several reasons, the most obvious being the large quantities of free booze waiting for our consumption. We calm him down and decided they should hit the dance floor looking for horny bridesmaids. I watch with amusement.

10:05 p.m. - the dance floor parts in horror. J Grant dropped his drink in the middle of the floor leaving a wet surface and thousands of shards of glass. Who brought the assholes? We did.

10:45 - 1 a.m. Sunday - the usual drinking and dancing continues. The wife rejoined the party as promised. Nothing real exciting. We are getting fucking old. Mike and J Grant made no obvious advances towards single women (Or married ones for that matter). This was severely disappointing to me. When you are married you live vicariously through your friends as they hit on women. I did not get to experience any of this. I feel cheated.

1:15 - Mike has changed into his Oregon ducks sweatpants and white T Shirt with almost 2 days of facial hair. He is seriously trolling for women now in the reception area, looking desperate, intoxicated and very, very creepy. I love hanging out with this guy.

1:30 - No scoring for either of my single friends. Unbelievable. We order pizza and eat in Mike's room watching football highlights. The bitch bridesmaid has decided to stay the night in Mike's room on the "heida" bed. I am pretty confident no funny business went on, as she is married with a child, although with Mike, you can't be 100% sure. I had to leave the room at about 1:45 as my speech was slurred and I literally could no longer put a sentence together. I feel like I'm about to puke. I leave in a rush and knock 1/2 the pizza on the floor. Oops. I do not puke, but instead go back to my room and pass out. A good night.