Courtroom dominance

Just got back from successfully prosecuting two cases. Both were earth shattering minor consumings, which are misdemeanors. Appearantly these 2 children were hell bent on taking me to trial, WITHOUT ATTORNEYS, and to make things better, they waived their right to a jury trial (which in legal terms, is better known as a slow guilty plea). At one point, one of the kids called his mother as a witness and she preceded to talk about the 1/2 of beer he drank that night, which effectively proved my case for me. NOt to mention both kids had ADMITTED to the cop they were drinking and both agreed to take PBT tests with the results showing EVERCLEAR like results (just kidding, they were .02 and .03). The lesson as always is people who are not attorneys and refuse to pay for one are dumbasses. The mother preceded to go on a rant (and crying) about her son signing up for the National Guard and how he could have been sent to Iraq and sent home in a wooden box, but couldn't drink a 1/2 of beer in a hotel. At one point I nearly shouted out "DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?" just to see if she was listening to me. But, I kept my mouth shut and let her talk. (Author's note: I do think it is kind of messed up that 18 year old kids can fight in the military and not legally drink a beer at a bar in the United States, but I thought it was more important to punish these kids for wasting my time instead of dismissing the case). The judge ruled from the bench approximately 1.3 seconds after the Defendant waived his closing argument. The best part was, I had to present the identical case against his girlfriend approximately 4 seconds after the first case was completed. The girlfriend did not call any witnesses. So my countless seconds (not minutes or hours) of preparation paid off. So, here's my tribute to the constitution and the 2 kids who wasted my time today exercising their constitutional rights.

And while we are here:

Atlanta OVER Arizona
Minnesota OVER Philly (Screw the experts)
Miami OVER Baltimore (GO PHINS!)
San Diego OVER Indy (even though I hate Phil Rivers)

One final note: I was 3 picks back in my "all or nothing" football pool heading into last weekend. Nobody above me scored in the final week (meaning they missed at least one game of the games they picked). Well, I didn't score either thanks to my shitty Tampa Bay pick. If I had picked 3 FOR SURE games like Pittsburgh OVER Cleveland, New England OVER Buffalo AND Green Bay OVER Detroit, I would have won over 400 buckaroos. The reason I didn't...I'm stupid and finished in 4th, good for $0. On the other hand, I won my other league for an additional 60 clams.