OJSFA Week One Preview

This was the important thing I was talking about. The higher-ups at this blog (non-existent) gave me a hefty raise (not really) and a per diem (nothing) to do a weekly Orenthal James Simpson Football Association Preview. We are in our fourth year of bloody competition, and our first season of our TV deal with TLC. I am the defending champion. Just thought I would point that out. Each week I'm going to go best to worst game, give the Vegas odds, and all-time records. Some games (mine) will also have summaries. Normally I would do this on Friday or Saturday, but the games start Thursday and I wanted to get it out before the games started. Without further ado:

GAME OF THE WEEK

The White Broncos (0-0) v. Heywood Jablome (0-0)

Line: The White Broncos by 6.

History: The White Broncos lead the series 5-1.

Summary: Game of the week because I said so. No doubt in my mind that Dr. Phil (White Broncos) throws all of his TD passes to Vincent Jackson (Heywood Jablome) and none to Antonio Gates (White Broncos) to completely fuck me. Good times.

OTHER GAMES (In order of importance)

RIP Billie Jean (0-0) v. Jolly Pharmaceuticals (0-0)

Line: Billie Jean by 13

History: Pharmaceuticals lead series 4-2.

Summary: These two guys LOVE the cock. That much I can tell you. Both teams were in the playoffs last year.

Schmock's Team (0-0) v. Bottomed Out (0-0)

Line: Schmock's Team by 15.

History: Bottomed Out leads the series 4-3.

Summary: I've got nothing except that Bottomed out needs to pay his motherfucking fees.

Faribault Frauleins (0-0) v. A-Rodg's Grapefruit (0-0)

Line: Frauleins by 9

History: Grapefruit leads series 2-0.

Summary: Another second year team Frauleins, decided to come up with the most difficult name to fucking spell.

LEAST IMPORTANT, DOGSHIT GAME OF THE WEEK

Marino for Prez (0-0) v. No Talent Ass Clowns (0-0)

Line: No Talent Ass Clowns by 7.

History: Marino for Prez leads series 2-0.

Summary: Second year for both teams. Marino for Prez was an expansion team (and a shitty one). No Talent Ass Clowns has a creepy Simpson's style character for a logo.