Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Oktoberfest Manifesto

This will probably be my last post of the week, unless something changes. I actually have alot of shit to do before our grand return to La Crosse on Friday.

Oktoberfest is the best time that a human being can have. Ever. Trips to Vegas are awesome, and I'm certainly looking forward to that too. But it is a different kind of awesome than Oktoberfest. It is a bit more complicated, you don't really know your way around, there is a system to Vegas drinking that needs to be re-figured out each time you go, time gets all weird because of the time zone, and because you are in the windowless casinos most of the day. You have to fly there, etc. Great time, but different.

Oktoberfest is unique. You get a combination of likeminded people, gathering in a college town to drink 48 oz warm beers, get annihilated, and do stupid things. You will see 18 year olds in the bars wasted at all hours. You will see 80 year olds at the bars wasted at all hours. You will see a 21 year old puking in the middle of 3rd street at bar time. You will see two 47 year old women getting into a fist fight at bar time. You will see the most disgusting bathrooms you have ever seen in your entire life. You will see cops on horses. You may go 48 hours without eating. You may eat 6 Jimmy John's subs in 12 hours. The drinks are relatively cheap considering how much they could charge (people would drink it no matter what). Yet everyone always leaves with no money. People fight for the chance to pay $200 a night for a hotel room. Every year is the same. Every year is different. Every year is fantastic.

Oktoberfest has two or three fantastic moments for me every year, and two or three awful moments.

Fantastic Moment #1: The Arrival. It is great to get there, having that anticipation in your stomach, and tasting that first beer. Then waiting for everyone else to arrive, and being super happy to see everyone, even though in six hours you will be sick of half of them. This year will be slightly different because I've seen most of my college buddies about a thousand times this summer due to various bachelor parties and such. But it will still be awesome.

Fantastic Moment #2: Friday night. Usually consists of everybody getting blacked out drunk like they haven't been blacked out drunk since the Oktoberfest before. Especially since we are all getting older. Combination of beer, shots and drinks at John's. Everyone stays out on Friday until physically removed from the bars, and gets drunk enough to still be pretty drunk in the morning.

Fantastic Moment #3: About 8 (or 9? or 10?) a.m. on Saturday/Badger game. Being the first to arrive at Brother's every year. Never knowing what time the place opens (I swear those fucks change it every year). Staking our spot for the Badger game. A few times we actually ended up waiting outside for Brother's to open because we were so early. Even though the hotel room is like a block away, you need to avoid the temptation to go back to bed. Drinking a screwdriver as soon as possible is of the utmost importance. The Badger game on Saturday is one of the funnest things ever too. The bar gets PACKED (especially for a 2:30 game, although they are playing at 11 this year). The bar plays Badger music after scores (WHEN YOU SAY WISCONSIN, YOU SAID IT ALL!). Everyone dances and sings along. Everyone gets super fucking wasted. Then you walk outside, and it is still daylight.

Shitty Moment #1: Waking up Saturday. There is a 50/50 chance of me puking from Friday, which sucks. I have never been so sick that I've been prevented from immediately drinking on Saturday. But others have.

Shitty Moment #2: The Saturday lull. At some point on Saturday night, you drink yourself sober. It has happened to me every year. Your body gets used to being a .36 BAC, and you just cannot possibly get any more drunk, no matter what you do. This is AFTER the mandatory switch back to hard alcohol from beer because you have to step up your game. You would have to drink like a whole bottle of booze at once to get any more drunk, and even that might not do it. This leads to feeling tired and bored. We have had a few times where we were able to stretch it out until bar time, but typically by midnight I am done.

Shitty Moment #3: The drive home. Speaks for itself.

Going to be super motherfucking awesome. I have some important shit to do at work tomorrow, and I just don't know how I'm going to do it well. My mind is already in La Crosse. Feel free to pass this on to anyone else that is going. I would like to hear your comments.


ricky said...

I am absolutely pumped! It is a little different than previous years since I have basically lived with you assholes this summer and will see you about 5 more times after.

One of my favorite moments is a bit different than Juices. I LOVE Del's bar at 8 am on Sat. Before I meet Juice I have to wait in line for 15 min at 8 am to get a bloody. That place is a fucking zoo with hungover/still drunk festers.

Least favorite moment without a doubt = Ride Home! Stopping 3 times to puke in a cornfield sucks!

Favorite story = SO many great stories. Running from the cops last year because they wanted to take me to detox was pretty good. But the best definately is the first oktoberfest after I graduated. Breaking into a house that my friends lived in ONE YEAR ago to sleep is a priceless memory.

We should really write a book sometime....

Juicelaw said...

Anyone remember my wife and the horse?

Also, the only person that goes to Del's on Saturday is you. I've never been there, and won't this year.

ricky said...

Wasn't going to invite you ass. I am sure your wife will join though. Lori and the horse is pretty classic!

Bear said...

I'd probably invite Juice's wife too

Juicelaw said...

Another tradition I forgot about is Sports Bottle not coming like every other year for some bullshit reason.