Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Sounds of Silence

Non-Packer/suicide post coming straight at you!

I was informed the other day while watching SportsCenter that they are still playing something called baseball. I wouldn't have even known, but they interrupted my "news" of He Who Shall Not Be Named bruising a vulva this week but that "he will play next week" (no shit.)

What is strange to me is that 40% of the "bloggers" on this website are "Twins fans", yet I have heard not a peep regarding the fact that they are in the midst of the only real pennant race (2 1/2 back, 13 left to play including 4 vs. Detroit) in the league. I was completely unaware of the fact until I saw the graphic and spit my Cookie Crisp Sprinkle Cookies all over the couch this morning. How the fuck are the Twins in a pennant race? They have like 2 players I have ever heard of. That division is terrible, and you can't convince me otherwise.

Last year, when the Crew was in the only real pennant race of my lifetime, I was having trouble sleeping because the shit was so tense. And we can't even get ONE post? I can only assume that 40% of the bloggers are either dead, homosexual or both.

Fucking people from Minnesota.


I made the two week marathon title game in my fantasy baseball league with the old guys. And the old guys are NOT happy. I got about 20 posts about how "lucky" I am, and how everyone is rooting against me because I'm an asshole. My response was a post about how of course I'm fucking lucky, because it is literally 98% luck since I am unable to call Prince Fielder to tell him to a hit a homerun for my team. It just isn't all that difficult to keep a game close and hope for the best. It really pissed them off when I told them that I was the Phil Jackson of fantasy baseball and I just put my best guys out there and hope for the best. Especially since these guys have all lost their children over this league. Seriously, this shit is the most intense league I've been a part of. They take it WAY too seriously. So I'll just have to win it.


My asshole is starting to tingle. Which means it is a mere 3 days from now. I have to stop off at the store to buy Richard some floaties for when that female serial killer throws him in the river at 3 am.


Unkown Blogger said...

dead homosexuals!?!

Unkown Blogger said...

where is the gettogether top 32 poll this week?

Juicelaw said...

It is coming bitch. That thing takes a really long time to tabulate. The supercomuputer that runs the program analytics was being used to find a cure for AIDS last night, so it hasn't been figure yet.

And I'm not exactly sure how dead homosexuals and oktoberfest got morphed into one thought, other than Richard drowning in the river at Oktoberfest would create a dead homosexual.

Unkown Blogger said...

richard, twinkie and leaf cobra would be a trio of dead/imaganiary homosexuals

Juicelaw said...

AND they all died of AIDS from having unprotected sex with eachother! Which could have been prevented by the computer that calculates the Road to the Get Together Top 32! It truly is the circle of life.

Juicelaw said...

Also, there is nothing imaginary about Richard's homosexuality. He LOVES the cock.