The First Semi-Enjoyable Thing I've Ever Read About NASCAR

Just in case you wanted to know what makes Tony Stewart get up every morning: "Pussy, money and race cars. That's pretty much all I care about."

It gets even better.
The only thing Stewart enjoys more than a race car and a fight, it seems, is women. Over the course of a race weekend, he's approached by dozens of them, each more long-legged, doe-eyed and blond than the last. Inside the NASCAR bubble, these gals are called "pit lizards," and they prowl the inner sanctum at tracks throughout the year.
"My parents are afraid my dick's gonna rot off," Stewart says.

Which leads into perhaps the greatest dialogue in racing history:

At a late-night fuel stop during the flight to the Phoenix race, he meets two girls, who look to be in their early 20s, working the front desk at the airport lounge in Salina, Kansas.
"Take us with you, Tony?" one of them says as he grabs a chocolate-chip cookie from a tray on the counter.
"Depends," he says, taking a bite. "You gals 18 yet?"
"Why you want to know that?" one girl asks.
"Well, we ain't just flying up there, darling," he says, winking at me. "We'll be taking pictures and hanging out and all sorts of stuff."