Thundersnow, FNL and the Queens

Thought I should throw up a post about a few things I've heard/thought/saw in the past few days between my 12 hours shifts as a desk jockey.

- I drove through the worst snowstorm in my entire life on Thursday. I grew up in Wisconsin, lived here all my life except for the three years that I lived in Omaha and made routine drives across Iowa in the middle of blizzards. I went to college in La Crosse, and drove across Wisconsin to my parent's house near Green Bay in the middle of blizzards. So I've driven in the snow A LOT. But this storm was unreal on Thursday. It was so fast and so intense that you could not see the road you were driving on at all. It was just white nothingness in the country, and you just had to aim where you thought the road was and hoped you made it. There were drifts more than two feet high, and had I not decided to take my wife's truck, I would have never made it. Oh, and there was fucking THUNDER AND LIGHTNING. It was insane.

- Friday Night Lights is getting more and more ridiculous. J.D. McCoy's dad is going to murder his son because he cares for him so much. He is like Todd Marinovich's dad. That lesbian in Landry's band is smoking hot. Street cannot just decide to take his high school diploma, his wheel chair, and his high school success as a QB (except for the whole getting crippled thing) and just decide to become a sports agent. It is a lot harder than that dude. It is sort of the equivalent of deciding you are going to be an accomplished author because you write on a shitty blog that three people read. You need to have connections, and probably a college degree. I don't know why that pissed me off.

-I heard our friend Doug Gottlieb on ESPN Radio the other night (and I say "friend" because he once called Brian Butch a pile of shit, and he is no longer welcomed in the state of Wisconsin) talking about the Viqueens trade for Sage Rosenfels and how it now makes them a Super Bowl contender. Really? How is Sage fucking Rosenfels any better than the dudes they already have? How many Pro Bowls or Super Bowls has Sage fucking Rosenfels been to? How many playoff caliber teams has he started for? I'll save you the research and let you know the following: 7 years in the NFL, 2 teams (Miami, Houston), 32 games played, 7 starts, 4-3 record, 30 TD, 29 INT, started one year in college where he threw 8 TD passes and 12 INTs. So I guess I should backtrack, apologize, and admit that the Vikings are now clearly the prohibitive favorites in the NFL. Start planning the parade.

Twins Preview '09

After an offseaon that featured the multi billionaire owner dying, the biggest free agent signing in years of a past his prime guy who hasn't played a full season in 2 years, and Nick Punto still being a shitty baseball player, it's time for my gut reaction preview of each position.

Starting pitching - B+

If Franchise Liriano returns to 2006 form, this could easily be an A-. But we have to assume that youngsters Baker, Blackburn, Slowey and Perkins won't get as lucky as they did last year. I could easily see 2 of these guys having below average to very shitty seasons, given their lack of electric stuff. Ok, that was depressing. Let's downgrade this to a B-.

Relief Pitching - This group scares the shit out of me and single handedly cost us the playoffs last year (not in the final game itself, but in the many collapses throughout the season, including the unforgettable game when Nathan threw a routine play at 3rd base into the bullpen and allowed the Oakland A's to score 2 in the bottom of the 9th. Fuck that pissed me off.) Nathan needs to stop hyperventilating on the mound and needs to bring back the heat. I think his fastball is down to a very hittable 90-92 mph. Let's go with a C- for this group.

1st Base - Justin Morneau. He'd be an A+ if he weren't Canadian. A.

2nd Base - Alexi Casilla, which sounds like a girls name, is surprisingly not terrible. He can steal and field. Brendan Harris improved his .185 average in the second half of the season. I'll go with a B-.

SS - Nick Punto with Harris as a backup. A good glove will only get you so far. Punto will hit .217 this year, with 12 RBI's, 7 SB's and 1 homer in 450 AB's. D-.

3rd base - Was I the only Twins fan not that excited by the Joe Crede signing? Would starting a younger Brian Buscher with 500% more upside be that bad? Oh well, we know Crede's back will only last a few months and Buscher will get the starting nod. Both of them are decent hitters that play good defense. It would be awesome if Crede started taking HGH and steroids again. B.

Outfield - We actually have a good problem in that we have 4 outfielders trying for 3 spots. Carlos Gomez, who may break Rickey Henderson's record someday, will also break the record for "Most shitty at bats attempting to bunt for an infield single". Michael Cuddyer is back healthy again (allegedly). Denard Span is really fast and really good. He's like Gomez, except he can hit and doesn't make shitty plays in the outfield. And finally there is Delmon Young, who once hit an umpire with a bat. I say Young sits and the rest start. Nobody in this group will have the power stats, but they can hit, score runs and play great defense (except when Gomez slides and gives up inside the parkers). B+.

DH - Jason Kubbel - Looks like one of the bad guy from one of those James Bond movies in the 70's. A decent hitter. I give him a solid B.

Catcher - Mauer. Or as one blogger on here named appropriately named him "Butt Stink". Great hitter for average. Power numbers suck because he would rather have his swing look pretty than swing for fences. Led league last year in "grounders hit to 2nd basemen to cause inning ending double plays." There is a lot of hate for sideburn Joe, but the bottom line is, if he were your catcher, you would take him in a second. A-.

Generic-ass Team prediction. 91-71 and lose 1-0 to Cleveland in a one-game tie-breaker.

I don't think we have enough talent (or did enough in the off-season) to take the next step. I think our young pitchers pitched out of their ass last year. I see too many teams catching on to their amazing "over the plate" pitch.

Baseball and Stuff

-I purchased my first Milwaukee Brewers tickets yesterday. I "won" the "privilege" of buying tickets for the Cubs games (the non-home opener variety) before most people could buy them. I'm not sure how many people they let through, but the buying started at like 9 a.m., and I didn't think of it until about noon. When I logged on, I was able to get two tickets together for the May 9th game (which is a Saturday night) in the top row behind the foul pole in right field, at a jacked up "marquee rate". Whatever, it should be fun. Every year I have this love/hate relationship with Brewer/Cub games because those asshats from Illinois fill up about half the stadium with tickets purchased on the secondary market, and they are fucking obnoxious. But it is fun because the crowds are always more drunk and more raucous than normal. I would sell them for $100 each, if scalping was legal.

-The Crew started playing baseball games against other teams yesterday, and the fucking TIED. I don't know why that would even begin to bother me, but ties are stupid. Corey Hart will win MVP if he plays like the box score makes it look like he played yesterday. 2-2, HR, SB. Jeff Suppan got the start, pitched two innings, and was Jeff Suppan. If he is our opening day starter to "take pressure off of Yo", I'm going to be PISSED. I'll take Dave Bush as our ace over Suppan. This year is going to be another classic "Soup" year, with every stat line looking similar to this: 6 IP, 12H, 4ER, 1K, 2BB. He will go 11-12 with a 4.98 ERA, which is not good for your "number one" pitcher.

-At least Marquette can blame their loss to UConn on losing their third best player to injury, and not on the fact that they gave up 93 points at home. Whatever makes them sleep at night.

Random Sports Stream of Consciousness

1. For some reason, I don't know as much about sports as I used to. By that I mean ten years ago I could probably name almost every team in the top 25 in college basketball and give you a rundown on their strengths and weaknesses. I can do that with only a few teams now, and only because those teams have played the Tar Heels. But this doesn't simply apply to college basketball. I applies to almost all sports. I believe the main reason is my work schedule. I work at 3pm 5 days a week. I miss a lot of what's on TV. But I do know much more about my local teams now since I listen to all their games on the radio.




2. The long line of faggy white guys playing for Duke makes me wanna fucking punch someone.




3. I'm sure many feel my boy psycho T is a faggy white guy.




4. For the life of me I cannot get into regular season NHL. But the NHL playoffs could possibly be my favorite sport to watch. Also, I am winning my Yahoo! fantasy hockey league.




5. This was the first year since probably 1995 that I didn't buy an EA football game.




6. I find Tiger Woods to be the most compelling athlete these days. Is there anyone else who handles his professional and private life any better? Besides, I'd eat from his wife's asscrack.




7. I know I've spoken about it enough, but, seriously, is ARod the dumbest fucking retard or what? His previous press conference was a brilliant idea, if he didn't think we were all complete morons. Why not just come completely clean?




8. No Shit in My Eye this year, but for those still coming to good ole Stoughton that weekend you should try to take Friday off. We're gonna hit the links on Friday for at least 18 holes.




9. Fantasy Golf - I'm in a great league run out of a restaurant in Madison. Only 20 bucks. I can email anyone the entry form. It's a lot of fun, results emailed every week and it makes the golf season much more enjoyable.


10. I have a very large dislike for Stephon Marbury.


11. It looks like my fantasy bball team is making a nice 2nd half push.


12. Ricky is a faggy white guy.
13. I'm looking forward to a .500 season for the crew.
14. The Bucks beat the Nuggets the other day. How is that possible? Charlie V is playing out of his mind, but I can't help but think he's an idiot. The Bucks are due for a nice substantial losing streak.
15. What do the Bucks do this offseason? Sessions and Villanueva are both free agents...
16. Do Timberwolves fans pay attention to the Timberwolves?
    

People Who Live In Glass Houses

I've been known to make fun of Prince Fielder and CC Sabathia for being overweight. To be fair they are supposedly world class athletes, and have no reason to be large. I on the other hand, while still only about half the size of either of those two, am not exactly a model of human anatomy. I've often made jokes about my size and inability to refuse snacks. But, I haven't heard that Prince or CC have diagnosed health problems (except for the inability to tie their own shoes. Sorry.). I have seriously been told that I have to go on a diet. And I have been given no direction whatsoever. So I'm just trying to avoid things that I know are bad for me, while filling myself with the empty calories that exist in alcoholic beverages. So today is day one, and wouldn't you know it, more proof that (Sports Bottle's) god hates me. Some fucking bitch made a gigantic plate full of rice krispy treats WITH chunks of chocolate in them. Fucking whore. And now I have to walk by them 200 fucking times today and try to drum up the willpower to not stuff my fat face with like 12 of them. Goddamnit.

This is Strangely Comforting

At least I no longer have to stress out about CC dying of congestive heart failure on the mound, and I can sit back and enjoy it.

This would also be a good time to point out that I am under strict orders from the doctor to lose weight, exercise and eat better, or my liver is going to stop working. FAT! At least I wasn't ordered to stop drinking.

The Feeling Is Mutual

Huge game today for Bucky. I would put the chances of a win at somewhere between slim and none. A win would probably lock up an NCAA bid, but a loss probably doesn't hurt them all that much. Turns out Michigan St. doesn't like Bucky very much either. Well, I don't think you're going to find much disagreement around these parts. Izzo cried? What a girl. Suton thinks Bucky is dirty? Well you are 37, so that must be against some kind of rule or something. Bo Ryan would eat Izzo's children, and Krabbenhoft is going to show Suton what dirty is.

Taking Things a Little Too Seriously

I like playing fake sports as much as anyone. Fantasy football, baseball, basketball, golf, whatever. I've even played hockey one time. I like it all. It is a good excuse to not do much work while at work, and it a good thing to drink coffee to on Sunday morning. It is a fantastic way to keep in touch with all of my asshole friends from high school and college, and a nice source of extra income, especially in leagues where Bear is prominently involved. I waste quite a bit of time (especially during football season) tinkering around, considering pick ups and trades, etc. I change my baseball and basketball lineups daily. But there are some that are WAY to serious about it.

I just joined a fake baseball league with my neighbor, who asked if I wanted in. He's undoubtedly my favorite neighbor, likes to drink, is into sports, etc. He was talking shit awhile back about this league he is in that he describes as being like the holy grail of all fantasy leagues. These guys claim to set an alarm clock for waiver wire pickups, and other such nonsense. I've just consistently talked shit about how I will just have to win this using my system (which doesn't exist, but if it did I would imagine to be a cross between "Moneyball" and Reaganomics). It is a 12 team, head to head, non keeper league. They are doing a "Yahoo! Plus" league, which I think is retarded for baseball, because am I really going to use live stats for a baseball league when they play every fucking day? The league really isn't that much different than the various leagues that your blog writers play in. And it is far inferior to the Orenthal James Simpson Football Association.

I'm not going to out the blog on the league because they all know my real name and my occupation, so I will just talk shit behind all of their backs, and update you on the progress of this foray. By the way, when I signed on, there were forty straight posts with guys bitching about paying $35 to join and what an economic hardship it was, and some other post about some guys kid who put up a near triple-double in an 8th grade basketball game. I'm pretty sure I'm at least 10 years younger than all of these guys too. All were offended when I referred to it as "fake baseball".

Jesus.

Let's all celebrate the return of a convicted serial arsonist! Wheeee! If he makes the club, the Crew is fucked. My day is ruined. Tomorrow I'm going to find out that we brought back Ned Yost.

A-Rod Thinks I'm Stupid

I didn't even watch the Rodriguez interview thing yesterday. I didn't need to. The highlights crawling across the bottom line on ESPN all night were good enough. And he clearly thinks America is really, really dumb. While he is probably right, and I've said before that America is full of people that shouldn't be allowed reproduce, or waste my air, even America isn't THAT stupid that it believes A-Rod's ridiculous tall tales. And I'm going to go ahead and ignore all of the other things he is probably lying about, and assume that he tells the truth that he was clean at all times other than '01-'03 (which is most likely untrue).

Alex Rodriguez is a professional athlete, and probably one of the best in baseball, if not one of the best of all time. He allegedly "started" using steroids in 2001, when he was about 25 years old, and had just signed a 10 year $250 million contract with Texas. And he expects us to believe that his "cousin" who doesn't sound like a doctor, or expert of any kind, told him he could get some stuff in the Dominican that would help with his "energy" and he just injected himself with it for three years, no questions asked. Bull. Fucking. Shit. There is no possible way this happened. There is no possible way that a professional athlete, at the top of his game, who stood lose HUNDREDS of millions of dollars, would take the word of his "cousin" that he could get some shit in the DR and just inject himself with it, no questions asked. Now I know baseball players are stupid. But he can't possibly expect me to buy this. He would've been better off flat out lying to me like Clemens, Palmiero and Bonds than give me this horseshit.

IN OTHER NEWS:

My fucking boss brought her fucking dog into the office with her last night after I had left (which is like a 200 lb black lab). And I arrive at the office this morning to find garbage strewn all over the floor. I was fucking pissed.

(Less) Fatty Tumor

Well, well, well. It appears the prospect of free agency in three years has caused our svelte friend to trade in at least 15 minutes every three days of eating Doritos, for walking on the treadmill at 2.3 miles per hour. Lets hope the lack of cheese stains on his fingers improves his fielding as well...

Let's also hope this goes better than when he tried to lose weight by becoming a "vegetarian". Seriously though, he just didn't know that chocolate didn't count as a vegetable.

I'm sure Bear is completely convinced this is going to work. And, it was written by Anthony Witrado, so it must be true.

Am I Crazy?

...For thinking that Creighton still has a very legit at-large shot? Four games left, only one on the road (at last place Missouri St.), three winnable home games. I said a month ago, that if they win out in the regular season, they would get an at large, which at the time seemed ridiculous because they were coming off a terrible loss and had ten games left. Well, they've won six straight, including the absolute violation of the Egyptian dogs in Carbondale on national television on Saturday, and are now 21-6. 26 or 27 and 7 would look pretty freaking good, especially when the committee will have to choose between them and a 10 or 11 loss Michigan or Penn St.

...for believing that 3-2 the rest of the way will get Wisconsin in? And really, they should win two against Indiana (who is abysmal) and beat Michigan at home.

...for being excited for baseball on February? I literally looked to see when the Brewers first spring training game was. I think it probably has to do with the fact that I've been locked in my office about 60 hours a week for the past few weeks, and I'm looking for a reason to be preoccupied by something else. It also probably has to do with the fact that I have a totally different feeling heading into the season due to the playoff run last year. Not that I think they will make it again, but last year was the first year ever that I made the Brewers appointment viewing from April to October, and found out what it feels like to have something to root for during an entire baseball season. Something I hadn't had in my whole life, really.

NFL Network is Stupid

I technically don't really mean that. Any station that can give me live coverage of dudes running 40 yard dashed in thier underwear, is alright by me. But seriously, this morning (before I went to work, which is fucking bullshit) during a commercial break, they were touting 21 hours of He Who Shall Not Be Named's greatest moments. I thought to myself "Cool. Perhaps I can catch some old Packer games that I haven't seen in awhile." So I check the guide, and the old standards are all there: 1) The Cincinnati game in '92, when Majik got hurt and never came back (I actually have been watching like 10 minutes of this game a week since the LAST time he retired and they did this marathon thing. I'm somewhere in the 2nd quarter.) 2) The '95 title game against the Cowboys, that they keep showing for some reason, and which I refuse to watch because they fucking lost. How can it be one of His best performances if we lost? 3) The Pats Super Bowl. I'm not sure I recall seeing the actual TV broadcast since it was on when I was 16, so I recorded this one. 4) The Raiders game after his dad died. This was like 5 years ago, no need to record. Then, SIX FUCKING HOURS OF JETS GAMES. Really? He plays 16 out of 18 years in one place, but you are going to go with 6 out of 21 hours for the one season that he played for a different team. One that didn't even end in the playoffs? I disagree with this decision. I would allow the Cardinal game where he threw 6 TD's to be considered amongst the best in his career, but that is it. There were probably 100 other games those unimaginative fucks could have put on.

Pass the Popsicles

One quick thing before I begin. I am blatantly stealing the popsicle thing from Bill Simmons, although I only used it because I didn't want to use the word dick in the title to a post. So from here on out, I'm stealing a quote from "Pulp Fiction" which is fair game as far as I'm concerned.

Can we all agree that fans of Marquette maybe shouldn't start sucking eachother's dicks yet? I have to go ahead and admit that I have found a way to dislike Marquette as I have matured as a human being, and realized that rooting for UW and Marquette is like rooting for the North and the South in the civil war. I've long since picked my side, so I'm sure people are going to accuse me of hating on Marquette just for the sake of doing so. Fuck those people. Marquette can't really claim to be a "national title contender" at this point. Their schedule doesn't justify it. I think Marquette is good. And they are fairly entertaining to watch. But before we start sucking eachother's dicks, lets look at facts. The Good: 20-4 overall and 9-2 in a brutal Big East. The Bad: who have they played and beaten, really? There best wins are arguably not all that great, and almost entirely at home. The only wins over teams that will probably get into the tournament are: at home against Wisconsin, Villanova, West Virginia and MAYBE Georgetown. They have also lost a neutral court game against Dayton, at Tennesee, at Villanova and a horrible loss at South Florida. Do any of those "big" wins overly impress you? I'm not on that shit until they play thier brutal stretch February 25th thru March 7th: UConn, at Louisville, at Pitt, Syracuse. If they can get 3 out of 4, and win the Big East, THEN we can commence the oral pleasuring. Until then, please fucking relax.

I also think we need to wait until about December before we start believing a certain former Green Bay Packers QB is actually retired, and is not out to ruin my life. So lets not start sucking eachother's dicks over that yet either.

IN NOT ORAL SATISFACTION NEWS:

Nice wins for UW and CU. Both are trying thier damndest to play thier way into the Dance. According to some cursory Internets research that I'm too lazy to re-find and link to, UW is in on alot of fake brackets, and most are considering CU as an at-large (one even had them as the first team out). Stay tuned.

Devil's Advocate

Since disagreeing is what I do, I'm going to take another hack at the dead horse. I generally agree with much of what you said as far as A-Rod not being sorry, but regretting getting caught. I also agree that we can't say for certain what happens the day you stop taking steroids, or that we know he isn't on HGH right now, because we can't test for the shit. I am also sick of watching or listening to this debate.

I would also like to point out that keeping every person who admitted or was accused of taking steroids out of the Hall of Fame is asinine. Is cheating really cheating when you know goddamn well a whole shitload of other players were doing it? While it isn't fair to the players that weren't taking it, how can we believe THEM? Don't we almost have to go the communist route and just make every player that has ever played guilty until proven innocent? Or better yet, until we pony up for an HGH test (which is dumb since they will find something else to get an edge), just forget the whole fucking thing and let everyone in? I totally got on a tangent here, but it is crazy that there is all this witch hunting going on for some, and total ignorance about others in baseball, while we just ignore the fact that there is a 99% (based on thorough scientific testing) chance that every NFL player is on something, but we don't give a shit because the numbers don't "matter" as much.

Alright, back to what the whole point was: I think Joe Blow Rottencrotch from Bumfuck, USA wants to forgive players who apologize because he is so pissed at the assholes that refuse to acknowledge what we know with almost complete certainty is true. While A-Rod's "apology" wasn't all that sincere, at least he isn't treating Joe Blow Rottencrotch like a COMPLETE fucking moron like Bonds and Clemens are. So to that extent, admitting guilt is the right thing to do.

Another Annoying Apology

I'm gonna continue to beat this dead horse.

The apology strategy is the easiest way to beat any sort of negative publicity. I really don't understand why every single person doesn't know this, especially those in the national spotlight. Alex Rodriguez did the "right" thing, according to many people. Why is it the "right" thing? Why are we a society that needs this?

I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm trying to look at it from a sociological point of view. Let's say I'm Joe Blow from Bumfuck, USA. I'm a baseball fan and have been my entire life. I loved the home run chase in '98 and I was mesmerized by Bonds chasing McGwire's record. Then I felt personally cheated by the emerging steroid issue jump started by Canseco's book. And now I hear A-Rod was doping as well, and I'm pissed. Are there any true athletes left? But I see A-Rod talking to Peter Gammons and he seems likes he's sincerely apologizing and now I feel a little bad for him and I obviously forgive him.

That's how this is viewed by many people and I simply don't understand it. Every single person who took steroids did it knowing they were cheating. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Why are people so willing to forgive simply because a nationally televised apology was given? It's a matter of these people are not sorry, they are sorry they got caught. Feeling regret is the more appropriate way to look at it. Of course they regret it and I'm sure they would go back and not do it if they had the choice. Or maybe they wouldn't because I'm sure a bunch of the guys made millions more because of the juicing. Fuck every single one of them and stay the fuck off my tv with your horseshit apologies. And to everyone else, stop falling for said horseshit apologies.

The most horseshit part of A-Rod's "apology" is the fact he says he has proven to himself since he doped that he could be great without it. Um, I'm no steriod expert, but does the strength you gain from steroids go away once you stop taking it? If I can lift 200lbs and then I start doping and I get to 300lbs much quicker than normal and then stop taking steroids, do I then get weaker? Or can I continue to get stronger, but at the normal rate? Does anyone have any insight into this?

Other thoughts -

Scott Skiles might be a really good coach. The Bucks have no right to win another game this year. Redd is out. Bogut is out. Ridnour is out (not that he's great, but he's not bad). But they're hanging in there fairly well.

NC vs Duke on Wednesday!!! In Durham. I'm not sure who I'd take with my life on the line. I know the Heels could blow them out and I don't think Duke could do the same. I'm gonna go with the Heels by 1 on a Hansbrough half court hook shot at the buzzer.

I am not a Badger basketball fan. In fact, I hate Badger basketball. So I don't have a personal viewpoint on this issue, but I would be in borderline heart attack condition watching every one of their games. For crying out loud. The games are all close. The games are boring as hell. How can you watch? They should go far in the NIT.

A 56 year old woman swam the Atlantic Ocean. NO..... FUCKING......WAY.....

Grammy Review

Yes, I watched the Grammy Awards last night. It is really the only awards show that I can somewhat tolerate. Plus, now that football is over, there isn't shit on TV on Sunday nights. Overall, the show was fine. There were some pretty cool performances (mostly by Carrie Underwood's legs and Katy Perry's outfit). The biggest issue I had was that Robert Plant's corpse and someone named Allison Krause kept winning every award. I realize that the Grammy's aren't an award for music being popular (although typically it is), and I realize I don't have to like every song that wins and award. But I can usually find some artistic value in the music, even if I wouldn't buy it (or if I was Bear, illegally download it). I figured the Plant/Krause song would be fine. Then I heard it performed. It was fucking terrible. Who votes for this shit?

BASKETBALL THINGS:

Large wins by CU and UW yesterday. By my calculations, UW needs to finish 5-2 and win a game or two in the Big Ten tourney. With their schedule, it is possible. They seem to be playing a bit better as of late. CU loses to a winless team at home a month ago, then goes on the road and beats the team with a three game lead in the conference. I doubt they catch UNI, but if they win out in the regular season, they put themselves into at-large consideration.

Pot smoking and the significance of apologies

I have numerous thoughts about the whole "OH MY GOD MICHAEL PHELPS SMOKES POT" story.

My first thought is "who fucking cares?" What difference does that make in anyone's life? The guy smokes pot, get over it. Maybe if I didn't do what I do for a living I'd be a little more surprised. But I know from experience many seemingly normal housewives and husbands toke the ganja from time to time. And at every age. 15 year olds and 65 year olds. Poor people and rich people. It's everywhere. You, the reader of this blog, have a "drug problem" in your city/town/village. How do I know this? Because every city/town/village has a "drug problem." Most people have no idea because either they just don't give a shit or they don't care.

The only problem I have with what Phelps did was that he hit the bong at a college party. Now, come on Michael, are you fucking retarded? I'll bet that one pic is not the only pic taken of him doing that. Hell, there was probably a cell phone video taken. Just use your head a little.

The celebrity public apology fucking pisses me off, for two reasons. One, why should I believe Phelps is sorry and, two, why should I want that apology. And by "I" I mean the general public.

So, why should I believe Phelps is sorry? Personally, I don't give a shit because he's only sorry because he got caught. How many times has he smoked dope before that party and since that party? If he was actually sorry about it that would mean that was the only time he's ever done it in his life and he realizes it was stupid. But we know that's not true.

Finally, why do I want the apology? Again, from a personal standpoint, the apology means nothing to me and I wouldn't give a shit if he never made any sort of public apology. But the American public screams at the top of their lungs until someone famous apologizes for something stupid they did. No one but those close to Phelps should expect an apology, and maybe not even them. What if Phelps wasn't sorry (which I've already determined he isn't)? What if he didn't make a public apology? Millions of people would be outraged. Hey, you, millions of people, mind your own fucking business!

It happens time and time again. Kobe if front of the cameras admitting he committed adultery with his wife sitting right next to him. Pacman apologizing for his stupid ass.

It's just sad the public apology is necessary. It's hollow and means absolutely nothing.

And, hey, at least it wasn't crack.

Storming the Floor Etiquette

This is a few days late, but since nobody besides me watched, or gave a shit, that UWGB rolled up then 6th ranked Butler the other night, I thought I could write this now and be OK. See, after the win, the UWGB fans stormed the court like they had just won a championship of some sort. To be fair, according to my cursory review of UWGB basketball history, this is only the third ever home win over a ranked opponent, so it was a very big win for the program and everyone should be excited. But I have a number of problems with the storming of the court:

1) Last week the student section appeared to have about 30 people in it. So the majority of the people storming the court are bandwagon jumpers, and shouldn't have the right to act that excited.

2) UWGB is still in second place after the win.

3) It was a regular season game, that was really for nothing other than bragging rights, and seedings, seeing as UWGB has ZERO chance at an at-large bid, and Butler is probably getting one anyway.

4) It wasn't THAT big of an upset.

In my mind there is a series of rules that need to be followed before court storming is appropriate. As Walter says, "This isn't 'Nam. There are rules!!!". If any one of these things happens, a storming is appropriate. I am happy to provide such a list:

1) The win clinches an NCAA birth. Even if you are Duke and you go every year, it is hard to do, and a celebration is warranted. There is nothing cooler than a really small mid-major doing this after their first appearance in 45 years.

2) You are unranked, and the win is against the number one ranked team. Not 6, not 20, but NUMBER ONE.

3) The win is a monumental upset. If you are the last place team and beat a ranked opponent for the first time ever, it is acceptable ONCE. If you are historically terrible and you snap a losing streak to that team that is more than 20 games long, it is acceptable, ONCE.

4) It is a hotly contested conference game, between good rivals, and the game ends on a miraculous buzzer beater. If the sheer emotion of the ending ends in the players in a pile up, the fans are allowed to join in.

5) You win a national title.

That's it. That's the list. The storming of the court in Green Bay earlier in the week was amateur hour.

Nothing Better To Do? Really?

Not alot of time to discuss, because I actually have to do something that has been described to me as "work". But you have to be fucking kidding me.

This brings to mind a song made popular by NWA.

Dixie Land Dog

Sports Bottle. Here's a new song for you.

Bracket Busters Overview

So the pairings for this year's Bracket Busters have just been released. CU will host George Mason who has a fairly similar record, and is also third place in their conference. I am slightly disappointed that we didn't get to see a UW-Green Bay-CU matchup. UWGB is 15-6 overall, and 9-2 in the Horizon League. I would think it would be a pretty even matchup. Instead, they are shipping to Green Bay to Long Beach to take on the 11-9 "Dirtbags".

I guess it doesn't really matter all that much, since neither team is probably getting an at-large bid anyway, but it would have been kind of fun to see. I guess I should probably be glad CU doesn't have to play UWGB since the Phoenix is handling #6 Butler 55-45 with 8 minutes left as I write this.

By the way, the Horizon League has it right when it comes to broadcasting their sports. Instead of having a fascist and archaic pay per view system like CU has (which is something like $79.99 a year). The Horizon League broadcasts almost all of their games online for FREE. It would be pretty tits if I watched alot of GB games. I sort of don't have room to root strongly for three NCAA teams, and right now UW and CU hold those spots. Plus, I don't really want to be bandwagon and start rooting hard for UWGB just because they are sort of good this year. That would be lame.

Paid the Cost to be the Boss

I love Super Bowl half time shows. There are so cheesy, terrible and over-the-top that it's hard not to get into them in some way. This year's was no exception. We even turned the stereo on to make it louder so that we could really get fired up. That being said, it wasn't very good. I have never been a fan of Bruce Springsteen or his music and I didn't understand the need for all of the articles and blog entries devoted to guessing his set list. He sounded terrible, particularly during Born to Run, and his cheese ball antics were too much for even me (he did a power slide/nut crunch into a camera and brought a referee out to throw a penalty on him)* . You could also tell that he hated football because his performance seemed to have a tongue in cheek quality that made it even worse.

* The Boss was guilty of excessively celebrating the fact that he wasn't/isn't very good. 15 yards, loss of down and possession, plus he was disqualified from the game and my life, forever.

Alas.

So today as I peruse the internet there are a bunch of people's different takes on the Super Bowl. Was it the greatest game ever? Did the refs have a Steeler bias? Why wasn't the last play reviewed? And so on. I don't really care about most of this stuff. It is simply sports writer's rhetoric. What I do care about is whether or not people agree with me about this half-time show. I turned to one of my favorite bloggers, Joe Posnanski, who just happens to be a huge Bruce Springsteen fan and he had this to say:

Let’s be honest: The performance was wedding band cheesy. I know — what else can you expect from the Super Bowl? — but I have to admit being a bit surprised. I mean, Prince’s halftime show soared. U2’s halftime show rocked. Tom Petty stayed true to himself and his music in his halftime show.

Sweet he agrees with me about Bruce (although U2 sucks, Tom Petty is boring to me now that I have heard his songs 17,000,000 times each, and Prince is androgynous as can be). Even the big-time Boss fans thought this was bad. My opinion has been confirmed, the world is still round. Yes. But then I kept reading.

I think the people who did not like or get Springsteen going in walked away thinking the halftime was pretty bad — it was all the stuff they didn’t get in the first place, the gravelly voice, the cheesy lyrics, the oversized sound, the whole “Boss” thing, this old man goofily sliding into cameras.

I don't get Springsteen? What's to get? He's an over-the-hill rocker who sings generic ballads of the common man as if he was constipated. Not too hard to understand. Plus, with all of my recreational drug use I have become very knowledgeable about music. I am offended by the notion that Bruce Springsteen is over my head. I'd understand if this was Miles Davis or Mozart, but come on. There's a reason that Bruce is absurdly popular and that is because his music (and act) are extremely easy to get. Everyone loves The Boss, unless they love music. Then they love something else.

P.S. Rant over. Sorry about the negative tone. Also, I love Prince's halftime show. Best Super Bowl half time ever!!!!!!!!!!

How Good Was It?

That was a goddamn fantastic Super Bowl. The twists, the turns, the comebacks, the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, the blown calls, Matt Lienart, Brenda Warner, this game had it all. I'm a little disappointed at the outcome, because I'm getting pretty sick of the Steelers historically. But its mostly just sour grapes that the Packers haven't been able to stay championship good. It got me thinking: How good was this Super Bowl? So I took the time to rank the Super Bowls that I can recall at all. (Super Bowl XX in 1986 is the first one I have any recollection of.)



24: XXXII: Terrell Davis 31, Green Bay 24. Unequivocally the worst Super Bowl I've ever seen. Seriously though, fucking Elway did nothing but run too slow to not get helicoptered into the end zone. This replay and Elway's teeth haunt my dreams.



23:XXIV: San Francisco 55, Denver 10. Never close, although it could be ranked higher because Elway's teeth were prominently involved.



22:XX: Chicago 46, NE 10



21:XXIX: SF 49, SD 26. Stan freaking Humphries started a Super Bowl!



20:XXVII: Dal 52, Buf 17. Only because of the Leon Lett play.



19:XXII: Was 42, Den 10. That second quarter was unreal.



18:XXXV: Bal 34, NYG 7. Only because I was drunk.



17:XXXIII: Den 34, Atl 19. Mile High Salute v. Dirty Bird.



16:XXXVII: TB 48, Oak 21. Only because I was really, really drunk.



15:XXI: NYG 39, Den 20.



14:XL: Pit 21, Sea 10. Seattle fans are STILL bitching about this game. Jerome Bettis is still from Detroit.



13:XLI: Ind 29, Chi 17. Only because Chicago lost.



12:XXX: Dal 27, Pit 17. Neil O'Donnell started a Super Bowl!



11:XXVIII: Dal 30, Buf 13.



10:XXVI: Was 37, Buf 24. Buffalo lost a shitload of Super Bowls.



9:XXXIX: NE 24, Phi 21. McNabb has a tummy ache.



8:XXXIV: STL 23, Ten 16. One. More. Yard.



7:XXXVIII: NE 32, Car 29. Nipple Gate!



6:XXIII: SF 20, Cin 16. I was heartbroken after this one. I was a huge fan of the Icky Shuffle.



5:XXV: NYG 20, Buf 19. The basis for Ray Finkle.



4:XXXVI: NE 20, STL 17. HUGE upset at the time. Last second field goal.



3:XLIII: Pit 27, Ari 23. Only because Arizona didn't score at the end.



2:XLII: NYG 17, NE 14. Probably the biggest upset I've ever seen. Pats fans were all over themselves about being the best team ever. The Patriots DOMINATED all year. The Tyree catch.



1:XXXI: GB 35, NE 21. C'mon. Did you think it would be anything else? I would probably sleep with Desmond Howard if he offered.

Super Bowl Thoughts

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Ok, I got that outta my system. What a roller coaster ride that was for me. I needed the Steelers (-7) and over 47. Most of the game I'm rooting for either team to score but it was a bad omen on the opening drive. A TD on the first drive by the Steelers would be absolutely perfect. But they get stuffed at the goal line and Tomlin's too much of a pussy to go for it on the 1 inch line. Then up 17-7 near the goal line they run a fucking QB draw with Roethlisberger? What the fuck kind of play call was that?

Anyways, most of the game I was feeling pretty good about the -7 but not about the over 47. The Harrison pick for a TD was absolutely perfect for me. It put the Steelers up 10 and it put the game on pace for 48 points.

With about 6 minutes remaining I knew it was almost impossible for me to get both. The only chance I had was a pick for a TD on the last Cardinal drive. Didn't happen. I got the over 47 but not the -7.

FUCK FUCK FUCK...... How can people bet on sports for a living? I was exhausted after the Federer/Nadal match and I didn't even bet on it.

Santonio Holmes was almost a huge goat as that first ball in the end zone went right through his hands. Great catch on the next play. I liked his LeBronesque celebration.

Did anyone see John Elway before the game? Time has not been nice to him. Those deep creases on his face were ghastly.

Wow does Josh Reed look like a tool.

My g/f forced me to watch the halftime show. There's 20 minutes I'll never get back.

There's something weird to me about the punter (Mitch Berger) running out onto the field trying to pump the crowd up at the beginning of the game. I mean, he's actually on the team so he has much more right to do that than any fan, but still weird.

Hines Ward is the toughest human being alive. If you don't believe me, ask John Madden.

Did anyone else loose high def at the beginning of the game. My HD suddenly went to normal (loser, poor person) TV. I was pissed. But it came back a couple plays into the game.

My favorite commercials were the Doritos commercials and the Bud commercials.

I was watching the ESPN post game coverage and I was wondering how Cris Carter did not make it into the Hall of Fame. I hate the Vikings. Always have. But he's 3rd in career receptions and has arguably the greatest hands of all time. I just think he should be in.

I hope Kurt Warner does the right thing and blames (the Sports Bottle's) god for the loss b/c we know Warner'd be singing his/her praises if they won.

God's blessings to all.

Breaking News

Apparently Michael Phelps was caught smoking pot. It's funny that it took people this long to find out

Revelations

I now know why the Broncos won Super Bowl 32 with John Elway helicoptering into the end zone... The mother fucker can fly.




I'll bet though if he really had a choice for a super power it would be the ability to retract his enormous teeth.

There's also a good chance this clip gets removed from youtube

It's Alive!

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I necessarily missed Loaf Cobra. I mean, he is a helluva guy, and I guess I did miss his geometry teacher/possible drug addict sense of humor. What I did NOT miss, was having to waste our precious Internets space on shit about Minnesota, that didn't involve shitting on their streets, banging their women, or nuking it off the map. I just looked at the "tags" on the site, and I notice that there were 50 articles tagged with "Green Bay Packers" and ONE tagged "Minnesota Vikings". I don't think it was any coincidence that Loaf Cobra was in rehab for the past six months and didn't have Internet access. So welcome back. And I hope Tubby leaves you high and dry and takes his ridiculous athletes with him so Bo can get back to pillaging the Minnesota for its "talent".

Feeling Minnesota?

Well I'm back from my brief sojourn as a geometry teacher and I'm looking to for something to do, i.e. cure boredom. So I guess, I'm back writing for this blog.* It's been a very enjoyable not having to come up with inane sports talk for the past 6 months(?), but I'm ready to meet Juice's quota of one post every day or so. Here's post number one.

* Since when did we have 5 writers. I thought I had some sort of editorial control. These guys were hired without my consent, with absolutely no notification. I smell a coup.

The Minnesota Gophers men's basketball team is off to a good, yet somewhat surprising start to the season. They are 18 -3 (6-3 in the Big Ten). This, of course, has led to speculation about Tubby Smith leaving for greener pastures. Jobs in Arizona and in his home state of Maryland may be tempting for Coach Smith, but it would be extremely disappointing to see him leave. Particularly after he rescued us from the Dan Monson era.

To lessen my worries, I turned to the Internet to see if there was any truth to these rumors. Of course what I found was mere speculation (I can speculate. People shouldn't be paid to do this and pass it off as news.). Myron P. Metcalf recently penned this article for the Star Tribune. Metcalf outlines the fact that Minnesota doesn't have the practice facilities that Maryland or Arizona has, plus they cannot match the salary that Tubby would get by returning to big time college basketball. Here's an excerpt:

Face it, Gophers fans. Smith is the prettiest girl at school and the prom is just a few months away. You're her insecure boyfriend.

That's comforting.

I then turned to reliable journalist Doug Gottlieb at espn.com and he had this to say:

Tubby Smith does not like the cold (no one does), but Alabama is not where he would go. He is from Maryland originally; Arizona would also make sense.

Tubby doesn't like the cold? How does Doug Gottlieb know this. Furthermore, didn't Tubby know that it was cold in Minnesota when he took the job. That is one of the four things that Minnesota is famous for. The others are being nice, mosquitos, and the Fargo accent. I just can't believe that Tubby hates the cold enough to make that the deciding factor in whether he stay or goes. So I had to do some research. Here's what I found.



It seems to me that Tubby loves the cold and Doug Gottlieb has once again been proven wrong. Tubby's not going anywhere and all is right with the world again. Go Gophers!!!

Are we in Russia?

So I headed over to purchase my gametime beer. Shopko Express if you don't know, is almost exactly like Walgreens. I had a coupon for $10 off of a $20 purchase due to the amount of money we spend there. I thought: "Great. I'll stop in and buy $20 worth of beer and snacks, and I can have my own Super Bowl party."

First of all, I have been buying the "build a six pack" at this place for the past two years. Typically it is $7.49, but occasionally it will be on sale for less. Today, I noticed that they raised the price to $8.49. That is ridiculous. I refuse to pay $8.49 for a six pack of beer, when I can buy a non-mixed one for $6.99.

So I load up with some beer and chips and shit and I get to the counter and she says "Oh, I'm sorry, this coupon doesn't apply to alcohol." I was pissed. I'm a fairly non-confrontational person when it comes to customer service situations, because typically it is either not that person's fault, or because I know I'm going to give them a shitty tip (should it apply). My immediate response was: "Where does it say that?" Clerk: "It doesn't, its just a policy." Me: "Well how am I supposed to know that?" Clerk: blank stare. My choice was either, leave the shit on the counter as a matter of principal, or buy it and bitch about it. I think you can probably tell from this post, what I did. The way that trip went, I'm glad the Packers aren't playing today.

Super Sunday!

So today there is finally football on again. And if that is wrong, I don't wanna be right. The pregame shows begin in like 30 minutes, and will repeat everything they've talked about for the past two weeks. My wife has to work today, so I will be firmly planted in front of my TV watching it, since there isn't anything else on. Creighton made the questionable decision to schedule at game at 2 p.m., so I will check that out. Otherwise, it is nothing but blowing hot air about a football game, and the discussion about how the economy is destroying the Super Bowl because the Playboy party got cancelled. This year is the first year that I can remember that I haven't had some kind of plan for today. Inevitably my wife will get a bug up her ass that we need to have a party like the day before, and she ends up inviting a bunch of people over, but she has to work this year, and if you think I'm putting that shit together, you are crazy. Her work schedule even takes away the possibility of going over to a relatives' house. In fact, I only have like 2 beers in the refrigerator. I will probably have to muster up at least enough energy to get to Shopko Express to buy some beer. But there won't be any special meals or snacks going on, which will be wierd. Anyway, I think the Steelers win, I think they force Warner into some bad throws, and shut down Arizona's not so vaunted run offense. Big Ben will do just enough on offense, and the Steelers win 27-17.
Last week: 2-0
Playoffs: 6-4
Season: 134-125-7

OTHER:

Is it safe to panic about the Badgers yet? Not that winning at Northwestern is ever a given (noplace in the Big 10 is), but they have to win somewhere at some point. How many teams have ever lost six in a row and got an at-large bid? I'm going to guess the list isn't real long. They've got to go 7-2 the rest of the way in my calculation, and win at least one in the Big Ten tourney. I came to the realization last night that I hate almost every member of the Badgers:

-7th year senior Marcus Landry has been one of the most disappointing recruits in recent memory. He was supposed to be the next Alando Tucker. He turned into the next Ray Nixon.

-9th year junior Travon Hughes. Shows flashes, but also does some really stupid things (i.e. taking 25 foot jump shots with 13 seconds left on the shot clock).

-Jason Bohanon: reminds me more and more of Tanner Bronson every day. If you are 5'9", you better be able to shoot the three better than 35.5%.

-Krabbenhoft: actually don't hate him. He is what he is, but when he is probably your best player, you are in trouble.

-Nankivil, Leuer, Taylor, Wilson: should all get more playing time in my opinion.

I am done making excuses for the tough schedule, and large number of "good" losses. You can't rely on moral victories at some point.

Sports Illustrated Preview

LeBron has to be the greatest athletic specimen in the history of mankind. According to the cover story LeBron got that ripped by never lifting weights. He only started lifting recently. How is that possible? He has a 44 inch vert. And he says he can get at least a foot higher jumping off one foot. He's 6'8" and 270 lbs. In my opinion him and Kobe are 1 and 1a as the greatest basketball players in the world. LeBron is only 24. To me its all amazing.

Bruce Springsteen is playing at the Super Bowl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Springsteen sucks.

SI Players NBA Poll - Who is the best all-around athlete in the NBA? #1 got 66%. It's obvious. Name 4 out of 5 and I'll give you a dollar.

Michael Redd out for the year. I'm not a big Redd fan. He's never gonna be the guy to lead a team but he's by far the best player we have. It's nice to see Charlie V stepping up a little now. No way the Bucks make the playoffs, especially if Bogut's playing time is spotty.

Mosley beat Margarito last Saturday night. This is the first of about 6 pending sports bets I have from my trip to Vegas. I took Mosley (4 to 1 underdog). That was a smooth $70. Awesome ass beating.

Jeff Kent definitely deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.

Super Bowl preview. SI predicts Cardinals victory. That would not be good for me. I win $130 if Steelers win by more than 7 with a combined score more than 47.

The Wake Forest dude who hit the last second layup against Duke is a world karate champion. I bet you didn't know that.

Here's an article about figure skating. Anyone interested?

Moving on...

I wouldn't mind reading Joe Torre's new book. There's a couple page excerpt here that I'll read the next time I'm taking a crunch. Must feel good for Torre, though, that the Yanks missed the playoffs last year. I know it felt good to me.

I've watched a bunch of the Australian Open, mainly b/c it's on during the early morning hours. Tennis chicks are so hot. A few of them rank in the unbelievable section of hotness. I watched all the semifinal matches. Being an American I was naturally rooting for Andy Roddick. I've seen him face Roger Federer numerous times and he gets mopped up every time. I enjoyed Serena's jumblies bouncing around during the finals. Federer vs Nadal in a couple hours. I'll be watching.

Seth Davis' Three Pointer section - What's this? "Wisconsin is sliding towards the NIT." I couldn't agree more Seth. Nice game against Northwestern tonight, by the way.

Other thoughts -

Ricky, you are a pussy. A text message at 4:30 in the morning doesn't negate your pussiness from staying in at 7pm last Saturday. You and Don are hairy vaginas. We actually had a really good time at the Helm. Played a couple hours of pool. Had another deviled egg. We should go get wings sometime.

Juice, I'm gonna start siphoning a little cash here and there in preparation for the possible (but will never happen) Vegas trip. Ricky, tell Don to come with us.

The girlfriend and I booked a trip to the Dominican Republic for March 13-18. We're staying at the Majestic Elegance in Punta Cana. 5 nights of all inclusive fun. I'll make it back just in time for the NCAA Tourney.