Loaf's Top Ten Managers OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!

This is a list of my top ten baseball managers of all time. It has nothing to do with quality, it is simply based on the influence each manager had on my life. Plus, the fact that I like looking at pictures of these strange looking men.*

*I think this sentence sounds funny, but I couldn't make it not sound gay. I think pictures of managers are funny. Sue me!

10. Ozzie Guillen

Just fun to listen to him talk and he did this for me. Percent chance that one day Ozzie becomes bench coach for Ron Gardenhire, or vice versa, 60%?


9. Lou Piniella*

I really liked that 1990 Cincinnati Reds team with Eric Davis, Barry Larkin, Chris Sabo, and the Nasty Boys. Then he managed the Seattle Mariners during the Griffey years. Now he is the senile manager of baseball's sorriest team.

* Number 9 and 10, teamed up to make this.

8. Ned Yost

I just love how he was fired with a week to go in the season, while in the midst of a pennant run. That says a lot. Also, enjoyed that constant grumbling about him from the less fortunate brewers fans.

7. Sparky Anderson

His inclusion on the list has nothing to do with the Big Red Machine. He's the only thing I can remember from the Tigers team that the Twins beat in 1987. I know the Tigers had Jack Morris, but I have no memory of him actually doing anything in 1987. How many cigarettes has this guy smoked in his life? 10 million?

6. Whitey Herzog

The other half of the managers the Twins faced in 1987. God, he loved stolen bases. I don't know why I think he wears Hawaiian shirts in his free time.

5. Tony La Russa

Just been around forever and always has good teams. I think it's safe to say that I have been overexposed to Tony La Russa.* Too much can be a bad thing, ask Tony.

*No one has ever admitted that. I watch too much baseball.

4. Tom Kelly*

He should be higher in this list, but I never actually cared for him. Did win two World Series, but also coached some of the worst teams in baseball history. He loved shitty white guys and has passed this trait down to higher members of this list.

*This picture was the 6th picture when I googled Tom Kelly. I can see the resemblance.

3. Cito Gaston

Terrible manager on awesome teams. Looks funny, never heard him speak before. Took like a 12 year hiatus to come back to a job he was fired from. Doesn't age (at least in my mind). 79th most wins by a manager of all time. Just an interesting man.

2. Dan Alipierto*

My junior varsity baseball coach. He was great. When my regular jv coach was fired for having an affair with a student (true), Mr. Alipierto was summoned from the Mounds View YMCA to coach a rag tag team of misfits in an ultra-competitive Minnesota baseball league. His first act as coach was to eliminate all calistenics and to encourage swearing. He would taunt opposing teams and would hang out afterwards. I found his driver's license on the ground and used it for a fake i.d. when I was 17. Of course, we went undefeated and I had the best baseball season of my life. He was my Ozzie Guillen.

*Interestingly he was recently in the news for a new baseball team that he coaches.

1. Ron Gardenhire

As my life settles down, one thing remains constant. The Minnesota Twins. Right now it's me and Gardy. We will grow old together.

I know too much about his tendencies. I know what he is gonna say in a press conference. I know who he thinks his best middle infielder is. I know he likes to get kicked out of games. I know he thinks the closer only pitches in save situations. I know his players try hard for him. I know he likes intensity and intangibles. I know he's the best manager in Twins history (sigh). I know he can't beat that Yankees. I just don't know why?