Conspiracy Theory!!!

So here is my latest conspiracy theory regarding He Who Shall Not Be Named. I've not seen this theory, nor read it anywhere else, although that doesn't mean it is original. So here is what we allegedly are being convinced is true by "sources":

Exhibit 1: Out of nowhere, we are attacked by flashes across the bottom of the screen during Game 2 of the NBA finals, that He had surgery and "is not convinced his shoulder is good enough to consider coming out of retirement". Whatever the fuck that means. I'm going to pretend not want to bitch about this blurb, and take it as true.

Exhibit 2: The Viqueens had previously refused to acknowledge that they are in fact interested in His services.

Exhibit 3: The Viqueens had previously refused to deny that they are in fact interested in His services.

Exhibit 4: This alleged surgery has a recovery time of like 4 more alleged weeks.

Exhibit 5: Today, there is no way He could play a game, and according to "sources" He won't commit until He is sure that His brittle old ass can throw a football.

Exhibit 6: Also out of left field, the Viqueens have allegedly given Him a deadline of the end of the week to piss or get off the pot.

Exhibit 7: Anyone recall how His last alleged deadline turned out? You know. The one he was allegedly given by Thompson to retire or not?

So this is what we are led to believe as true. Here is my conspiracy theory. The Viqueens are NOT in fact, AT ALL interested in He. The Viqueens have, and rather shrewdly I think, led their semi-retarded fan base along for the past two months, and also led the semi-retarded He along, to a) sell badly needed season tickets, b) drum up media coverage and c) piss off Green Bay. The Viqueens have played as long as they can without completely poisoning their current roster, and are now bailing by giving a deadline that He can't possibly comply with to shift the fan bases blame to Him, while pretending they were really interested all the time, but needed to move on.

In other words, this was all a gigantic sham orchestrated by someone in the Viqueen front office (definitely not Mr. Noodles Brad Childress, who can't figure out how to MAKE noodles), that He was a pawn in, only he was too stupid to realize it.

If any of this is true, it is the most genius thing ever to come from Minnesota with the exception of the Blizzard, roller blades and "Fargo".

WHAT WILL REALLY HAPPEN: He'll probably play for the Queens because He is an asshole, and I have to pretend he never played for the Packers.