The Promised Crew v. Twinkie preview

Sometimes, 3 out of 162 baseball games carry so much emotion and hatred that it calls for a preview by somebody that doesn't really have any special knowledge of the game. Someone who is sitting on the couch watching people floating down the fucking street in a canoe (I'm not fucking kidding, I just saw it on TV) There is allegedly 6 fucking FEET of water on Highway 41 in Fond du Lac. OK, well the apocalypse aside, here is your goddamn preview.

The Twinks lucked the fuck out by missing Sheets. I'm just sayin'.

Game 1: Kevin Slowey (2-6, 5.15) v. Dave Bush (2-6, 5.85)

This game will be like watching old people fuck. Not very much fun, but with all the homers flying out it will be like a car crash where you can't turn away. I'm glad the Twins have a 6 game loser too.

Not many Brewer at bats v. Slowey. Hall, Hardy and Hart have pounded him (in their 3 or 4 at bats). Team OPS is 1.151 v. Retardey errrr. ...I mean Slowey.

Again not much Twins v. Bush (and I think it is mostly because they loooove asshole). Michael Cuddyer is a comical 6 for 11 lifetime v. Bushie. Mike Redmond also has nice stats. Overall though, Twins have a .583 OPS v. Bush.

I'm going with a 8-5 Brewer win in Game 1.

Game 2: Glen Perkins (2-2, 4.58) v. Jeff Suppan (4-4, 3.78)

I've never fucking heard of Glen Perkins, I'll be honest. When I saw Perkins, I thought it might be SAM Perkins, but no such luck.

Soup is a fucking BORING pitcher to watch. And he puts three guys on every inning and might give up 2 runs in 7 innings....with 13 hits.

The only current Brewer with an at-bat against him is Gabe Kapler, and he is 0 for 1.

Surprisingly little experience against the Twins for Soup too. He fucking OWNS Mike Lamb (3 for 19). Mauer, Morneau, Redmond and.....Livan Hernandez, have had success in relatively few at bats v. Soup. .765 team OPS v. Soup, which is slightly above average.

Honestly, this one is sort of a push for me. Typically, pitchers going against hitters for the first time have the advantage. But I don't want to watch the Brewers lose. Fuck it. 5-4 Brewers.

Game 3: Scott Baker (2-1, 3.60) v. Ginger (3-3, 4.07)

Hall and Hardy have pounded Baker too (odd). .827 OPS for Crew v. Baker.

Ginger destroys Craig Monroe (0-6). Mauer, Morneau and Redmond have been nice against him. .871 OPS.

I'll be kind and give one to the Twins. 6-5.