I am Cookie Monster

I have a weakness. It is either because I'm fat, I lack willpower, or I have a tapeworm. My problem is that it is absolutely impossible for me to not eat any type of food that is put out for everyone to "share" at work. This morning, one of the ladies that worked here brought fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. The fucking things were still warm. It really wasn't even a fair. I've been at "work" for about four hours now, and have eaten 4 cookies, which is somewhere in the neighborhood of 25% of the total available cookies. Mathematically, there was about one cookie per person, however, at least a quarter of the employees are women on "diets", so they probably won't eat any. There are still like 2 cookies left. My main competition for those last two cookies is one of my bosses, who has had at least 4 today himself. I may just have to slit his throat when nobody is looking, for those last, delicious, cookies.