Let me start this post by explaining that it has absolutely nothing to do with sports. Let me also preface it with the note that I got married out in the middle of fucking nowhere and I really appreciate the people who made the trek (THANK YOU MR AND MRS. JUICE. NO THANKS FOR STANDING ME UP SPORTS BOTTLE).
One of my high school friends is getting married this summer. They are having one of those gay "destination weddings" in Cancun. Which sounds cool to the bride and groom, but what they don't realize it is going to cost everybody their fucking tax return (plus more) just to get there. I have never been to Cancun, and I am sure it will be fun, but I am getting fucking old and don't have the drinking stamina and one other minor detail, I'm married now. So, I probably won't be able to enjoy wet t shirt contests or naked chicks at a foam party like I would have in my former life. To make matters worse, my friends tells me I have to stop at Men's Wearhouse to get my tuxedo. I was like "there is a men's wearhouse in Cancun?" His answer "No." So, I have to drag a fucking stupid tuxedo on a plane as a carry on (and get charged for checking my roll along, which I WOULD HAVE used as my carry on). Oh yeah, and don't forget the fact that the wedding is in FUCKING JULY in Mexico. So, it will be a balmy 100 degrees. Don't forget the fact that I could be at home on my lake in my boat soaking up the sun, waterskiing, drinking beer and doing all of this FOR NEXT TO NOTHING. SO thank you assholes who invented the destination wedding.
More notes:
1) Creighton fucking lost at home.
2) Miami exceeded expectations but sucked shit when it mattered (except I think Baltimore is really good)
3) Much to everybody's delight on here, Minnesota will never win a super bowl (0-4 so far!)
4 comments:
I will definitely be doing a destination wedding. I'm fairly certain there is not a church that'll accept me. Just blow him off and chill on your lake. Play the 'can't afford it' card.
Mexico is great though. I was there last March and will probably be going again this April.
I would agree with Sports Bottle, unless this couple is really good friends or close family this is totally a "blow it off because any excuse works" wedding.
Oh we couldn't find someone to watch the dog! << That's my favorite bullshit excuse, I'm thinking of getting a dog just to have it in my repertoire.
Oh shit. I guess I forgot the most important part of my story. He has asked me to stand up in his wedding (groomsmen) so I can't really ditch out on it. As much as I want to.
Thanks for the clever advice though.
That selfish fuck.
PS. This is alot better than the time I was "best man" in a wedding that actually took place in a mormon temple that I wasn't allowed into, and yet I still had to fly out to Salt Lake City in the middle-ish of winter to "stand up" at a "reception" for the wedding that took place weeks earlier, and there was no alcohol, and then I had to go get completely fucked up on 3.5% beer in my hotel room, so I could fly back the next day with a terrible hangover (the half bottle rum didn't help), and then my plan almost crashed (runway lined with firetrucks).
So yeah, I don't really feel that fucking bad for you.
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