My Brain is Larger Than Normal

Check out my Badger preview. Pretty sure I predicted the exact score. I'm just sayin'.

Bitching and Moaning

-Chad Ocho Cinco is batshit crazy. Not that there was ever really a question, but holy shit.

-I was sitting around downloading a few songs on iTunes today, and I was looking for that Kid Rock song where he stole the hook from "Sweet Home Alabama", and realized that it wasn't there. Then I find out that he pulled all his shit because he wasn't getting paid enough. My response, as usual, is fuck you. He and Jay-Z are the two biggest artists to pull all of thier shit, even though everyone on earth is pretty much dowloading songs from iTunes. I can't really figure out how he thinks this will be more beneficial to him. I realize he probably gets about a nickel or so from every song that is downloaded. But has he smoked so many drugs that he has forgotten what the world was like about ten years ago? When NOBODY paid for music, and just stole it via Napster? Even though people reportedly get prosecuted for it a little bit now, I would be willing to bet that if more artists did this, more people would take thier chances. Two artists isn't enough for me to fuck around with that again quite yet, but if I got pushed far enough I would. I think he should be happy with his nickel.

Real Scorpio Babers Reprise

Via wikipedia...

Babers was born on Nov 6, 1983 in Italy, Texas. He went to Sam Houston State and was originally signed as an undrafted free agent by the Miami Dolphins. Babers was cut on July 30th by the Dolphins and then signed by the Packers on August 8th to fill the roster spot vacated by quarterback Him Without Sin.

Here's his facebook page.

Scorpio Babers Reprise

I know nothing about Scorpio, but here is what I imagine his biography looks like:

 

Scorpio was born May 11, 1986 in Blair, NE to an Amish farming family.  He was left on the door step of a Catholic seminary shortly after birth when it became obvious that his mother had an affair with a postal worker.  She was excommunicated and shunned.  Scorpio was raised by the seminarians, and plans to become a man of the cloth when his playing days are over.  Scorpio was the star QB of his 8 man football team at his small Nebraska high school, setting nearly every conceivable record.  He was awarded a scholarship to Nebraska-Kearney where he starred as a defensive back.  There he majored in calculus with a minor in religious studies.  He is a virgin and has never tasted alcohol.  He first realized that he wasn't the only black person on planet earth when he attended mini camp with the Packers in April.  He plans to name his first born either Sagittarius, Leo or Cancer.

Badgers v. Akron preview

I can safely say that I know nothing about Akron except the following:

 

1) It is in Ohio

2) Thier nickname is the Zips, and thier mascot is a fucking kangaroo

3) Famous Alumni: Jason Taylor, Charlie Frye and Antonio Gates (basketball, I think)

4) They play in the MAC

5) 4-8 last year

 

Wisco almost never loses at home.  Talent wise, they are much better on paper.  I will be watching via DVR whenever I get done trying to build a patio.

 

UW 38, Akron 17.

Scorpio Babers

I would just like to dedicate this post to the single greatest name in the history of planet earth: Scorpio Babers.  Scorpio is a 9th string defensive back for the Packers who surely will be playing in the AFL, slinging rocks or bagging groceries in the next week or so.  I will personally be deeply saddened when he is cut, and will pour out some of my O.E. 40 oz on the ground for him.

 

I guess if A-Rodg is going to play one play, he made it count.  That was pretty efficient.

 

 

Shawne Merriman is a dipshit

I respect Shawne Merriman for ignoring the advice of like 43 doctors, and playing on his injured knee. He's the kind of guy you want on your team, because he is talented, tough, and does steroids.

But I guess he isn't very smart. I don't pretend to be a know-it-all when it comes to NFL rules. But it is my understanding, that if you get hurt playing football and get put on the injured list, the team has to pay you. So you make a bunch of money to get surgery and get better, so you can be healthy when you come back, and play better, and make even more money. Also, if he plays, and destroys his knee for good, the Chargers will cut him, and piss on his locker, and they won't hesitate to do it. He is a year or two away from free agency I think, and he could be completely screwing himself. If he seemed intelligent (which I didn't have an opinion on until I heard he was playing) I would say he probably has enough money to live on forever, so if he breaks his knee, big deal. But if he won't listen to 91 people with medical degrees, why would he listen to a financial advisor?

Pat the Shat

I have Pat Burrell on my fake baseball team.  Last night, he went 0 for 7, with 10 left on base.  Pat, I'm trying to hold onto a playoff spot, and win some money you fuck.

 

-The Crew looked pretty fucking fantastic last night.  Imagine what they would have done if they had been better than 5 for 20 with RISP.  20 at bats is alot.

 

-The Cubs might never lose again.

 

-Bear, I wipe my ass with your shitty trade proposal.  Of course, last year I could have traded you Reggie Bush for a then injured Brian Westbrook, who is looking pretty good right now.  So if McGahee goes for 2,000 and 20 TDs this year, you know who to thank.

Reading is Not John Kruk's Strong Suit

On SportsCenter this morning, they had one of those "GMC Diamond Cutters" or "Trojan-enz Bonerrific Plays" or whatever the fuck.  The "analyst" was John Kruk, or Krukkie as his friends like to call him.  The "question", and I use quotes because it was more of a phrase because there wasn't actually a question mark, posed to Krukkie was "Biggest series this week".  Or it might of been "Most important".  Krukkie says Brewers at Cardinals, which makes alot of sense because it is a really big series.  Then he goes on and on about how it is a THREE game series, and spends what felt like an hour explaining all of the mathematical intricacies and fascinating mathematical effects that a three game series could have on a 3 1/2 game lead (..If the Brewers sweep, they will be up 6 1/2, if the Cardinals sweep it will be 1/2 game) really heady stuff.  It is a good thing he is a former player, otherwise I couldn't possibly believe the math would work out that way.  If Bear had been the analyst, I surely would've assumed he had forgotten to carry a two someplace, or missed a decimal point.

 

But John Kruk's obvious mastery of 'rithmatics isn't the point of this post.  No, the point is that for all of his wizardry with the calculator, he forgot to FUCKING LOOK AT THE SCHEDULE!!!!  See the Brewers travel to St. Louis for a fucking TWO game series starting tonight.  So not only was his information wrong, so were his stupid fucking math equations.  Now that is solid analysis.

The Chronicles of Ned-Dick

Let me take this opportunity to bitch about a team that is 21 games over .500, and reiterate that the only way to convince me they make the playoffs with Ned Yost as their manager, is when they actually make it.  Late in yesterdays game, Ned put in a double-switch when he brought in a pitcher.  No problem with that, would've done the same in a tie game.  If memory serves, either Braun or Fielder had hit to end the inning.  At the time, Yost had three guys left on his bench, 2B Ray Durham, OF Laynce Nix, and C Mike Rivera.  Managers don't bring backup catchers into close games ever, so it made alot of sense not to bring in Rivera.  So do you bring in Nix for one of the outfielders or Durham for Weeks?  The only OF that made sense from a double-switch standpoint was Bruan since his spot in the order had just been up, giving the pitcher a full two innings or so to pitch before his spot would come up.  Weeks wouldn't have been bad either, because at that point in the game, if the pitcher gets into any difficulty at all, he will be yanked, so you still probably give the pitcher two innings, unless we score some runs.  From an offensive standpoint he had to choose between replacing probably the worst offensive player on the team, and easily the worst leadoff man in the history of baseball (Weeks), or the best player on your team, and potentially in the entire NL (Braun).  From a replacement standpoint, you choose between a career .300 hitter in Durham or a shitty offensive player in Nix.  Of course, Yost takes out the best player on our team in a tie game in a pennant race.  The only conceivable explanation was a)lingering injury to Bruan (which is bullshit because he had just played two full games and had a homer and 4RBI the night before or b) Bruan was 0-5 (which is bullshit because Braun does it all the time, but might hit a HR in the sixth at bat).  You never take out your best position player unless there is no other choice, and here there clearly was.  The bottom line is that Yost completely fucked it up, but nobody will notice because they won (again) despite him.

Watcha' Gonna Do?

Friday night's block party had an interesting development. About 11:30, the party had dwindled to about 8 people. All were smashed, and karaoke was going strong. Then, we see two police vehicles come through the neighborhood. My first instinct was to say to the dude singing, "Hey, the cops are here." His response: "Yeah, I saw them." Then he finished out the last minute and a half of "Takin' Care of Business" as three of Brown County's finest came with their flashlights drawn. Everything was fine, nobody was shot, or arrested, or ticketed. I asked one of the officers if they heard us, or if someone complained. He said "We had a number of complaints." All in all, they enjoyed the fact that it was a block party, and that people invited to the party apparently called us in. Fucking shitheads. Look, if you don't want to come, fine. But you were warned there would be a party, and it wasn't like it was 3 a.m. Also, nobody came to us to ask us to keep it down, which we would have done. To be fair, it was FUCKING loud. But it makes to no sense for someone to be that way. Whatever, liver workout one went pretty well all things considered.

In other news, the gold medal game was awesome this morning. It was cool to see the NBA'ers seeming to give a shit, jumping of the bench, and dancing around like 12 year olds after they won. They will probably make some money in China.

VICTORY

Just when I had given up and concluded that my boss was a tight, greedy, prick (which he still is), he walked into my office this moring and said "You will be getting a raise next month." (if you ask someone else who posts on this blog, they will tell you that I had to ask for a "review" and in turn prep for it, and do lots of bullshitting and sexual favors to even have a chance at getting this raise).

With that being said, he did not say how much. Stay tuned for some random office violence in rural MN if it turns out to be less than $20 per paycheck.

The good news, I will now likely be able to pay for my fantasy football entry fee. Even though I have a relatively shitty team and I will basically be handing over money to you bastards.

And of course, after this suprise announcement from my boss, I have had a really shitty day and have only had about 1 hour of billable time. Which is ok, because I can easily make some shit up and screw over some client. That was a joke.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Being relatively new at my job, I'm still kind of in a position where I have to request things to do to keep me busy, or I have to wait for one of my bosses to notice that I'm sitting there bored and to give me something.  Today, I am doing absolutely nothing.  Everyone is either out on vacation, sick, or has something urgent that doesn't require my "expertise".  So I am sitting here, playing with my balls, and watching the U.S. destroy Argentina in Olympic basketball on my computer.  It is 34-16 in the 2nd quarter as I type this.  This afternoon, I am going to be heading home early due to some work I need to take care of closer to my home than work, and it would be retarded to drive back for nothing.  Especially when I'm stealing a paycheck today.

 

I did happen to hear something that pissed me off today, two things actually.  1) The Cubs play the lowly Pirates 18 times this season, compared to 15 for the Brewers.  Why?  No reason.  This makes absolutely no sense to me.  Also, the Cubs play 110 home games compared to the Brewers 81. 2) The IOC spent 4 minutes investigating whether the clearly 12 year old Chinese gymnasts were in fact 12 or if they were 16 like they were supposed to be.  The Chinese gov't "assured" them they were legit and that was the investigation.  Fucking Communists.

I've Got to Get Into Shape

This is completely unrelated to sports, so look away if you wish.  After last weekend's performance at the OJSFA draft, I have come to the conclusion that if I don't practice drinking alot in the next 5 weeks, I will end up face down in the Mississippi River at Oktoberfest, just another statistic.  I can't let that happen.  So I have five weeks to give my liver a crash diet of poison so I can stay up past 11 p.m.  It all begins this evening when the neighborhood block party takes place.

 

(I am admittedly a little upset it is tonight, as the Packers play the Broncos at 7 p.m. in a meaningless charade of a fake football game, which I will have to DVR and watch from start to finish some other time this weekend.  Boy, this is the longest parenthesis ever, but this thought must continue.  I'm sure some dipshit will keep updating me the score even though their won't be a TV or a radio outside to watch.  I'm fine with that because it is preseason.  However, if this was regular season, and I can't be planted in front of the TV or planted in a seat at Lambeau, I would fucking kill someone.  Back to drinking.)  Heading out to the backyard to enjoy people I normally just stare at out my patio door, and drink copious amounts of booze.  Will probably "accidentally" drown one of their kids in a pool too. 

 

Before you talk shit about a block party, listen to what happened last year.  We have a Mexican guy that lives two houses away, who owns a store of some kind around town, anyways, he barely speaks English.  So he shows up about 10 or so, when everyone is pretty fucked up, with a case of Corona and a smile.  Then, he is forced to step up to the karaoke mic (yeah, my neighbor has a karaoke company, hence all the equipment) and he sings.....get ready for it......"La Bamba"!!!  Fuckin' a he does.  You haven't lived until you've heard something that awesome.  To make a really long story short, I've gotta get used to being drunk again.

Thoughtless NFL Predictions

With nothing but my sick thoughts, and my dick in my hand, here is my random, biased, NFL Preview: (And I know the records probably don't add up)(*denotes wild card, ^denotes 1st rd bye)

Cowboys 11-5^

Eagles 10-6*

Giants 9-7*

Redskins 6-10

Packers 10-6

Vikings 7-9

Lions 5-11

Bears 3-13

Cardinals 10-6

Seahawks 9-7

49ers 7-9

Rams 5-11

Saints 12-4^

Panthers 8-8

Bucs 7-9

Falcons 4-12

Pats 12-4^

Bills 9-7

Jets 7-9

Dolphins 6-10

Browns 11-5

Steelers 9-7

Bengals 6-10

Ravens 6-10

Jags 11-5

Colts 10-6*

Texans 9-7*

Titans 7-9

Chargers 13-3^

Raiders 8-8

Broncos 5-11

Chiefs 5-11

AFC Wild Card: Browns over Texans, Colts over Jags

Divisional: Chargers over Colts, Pats over Browns

AFC Champ: Chargers over Pats (yawn!)

NFC Wild Card: Eagles over Cards, Giants over Packers (He wouldn't have lost!, Oh wait, He just did).

Divisional: Saints over Giants, Eagles over Cowboys

NFC Champ: Eagles over Saints

Super Bowl: Eagles over Chargers

I probably need to check to make sure I'm not on crack. I pick the Eagles for no apparent reason at all. It will probably end up being Pats/Cowboys, Jets/Vikings or Pats/Vikings, and then I can kill myself.

In other news, I plan to go ahead and pick weekly winners v. spread to see how bad we all are at it.

Nice

http://deadspin.com/5039093/but-god-doesnt-want-to-compete-for-a-starting-job-either

Letter to Ned Yost

Dear Ned,

 

I am writing concerning the game last night in which I performed spectacularly.  Not only did I get the toughest workout of my career on the mound, but I also held a bat admirably.  I also aided CC in drinking 52 cups of Gatorade and eating 19 brats.  And that was only through 8 innings.  Just when I took a deep breath, after I had been put through 110 unnatural motions, you sent CC out for the ninth inning with a 7 run lead, and a not overworked bullpen.  This led of course to the defense booting one behind me, and several infield hits, which caused CC to labor even more.  In all I exerted myself 130 times, which is the most I have ever done.  After the game, CC couldn't lift me over his head.  In the clubhouse, my life ended when I fell off during CC's reach for this 9th slice of pizza.  Thanks alot asshole.

 

Eat Shit,

 

CC Sabathia's left arm

 

(Ed. Note:  Seriously Neddy, you are playing with fucking fire here.  I realize you don't need to worry about him long term because he won't be your problem, but if you run his injury prone ass into the ground by September 1st, I don't like our chances.  That being said, expect Ned to go with a 3 man rotation starting Sept. 1, with CC, Sheets and Manny pitching every three days.)

Aaron Rodgers is even funnier animated

This was a flash animation on ESPN.com, I don't want to ruin the whole thing, which is kind of whatever throughout, but at the end when Brian Brohm says, "We're new", it just cracks me up

Aaron Rodgers

Boys Night Out!

If I had the energy to sit around and figure out how to add a picture while posting via e-mail, I would add a picture of Adam Sandler from Billy Madison with a empty case of beer on his head.

 

Should be a fantastic weekend of drunken assholishness.  The older I get, the more I look forward to these weekends, and the more they don't usually live up to high expectations.  I think its just a matter of getting so jacked up about it, when all that is going to happen is that 1) we are going to get really drunk and ruin Schmock's house, 2)Ricky will get drunk and lose something (this time I'm going with left shoe) 3) I will threaten to drown Ricky (bring your life jacket bitch!), 4) 50/50 chance that Ricky will pass out on the bar and get kicked out, 5) Schmock will drink himself into a coma while he's awake, 6) I will vomit, 7) Bear will eat a human being.  And all of this shit usually happens every time we all get together.

 

The events of this weekend sort of culminate into a near perfect storm of reasons to drink.  First, there is the 3rd annual Orenthal James Football Association Draft.  Two new teams added this year.  Here is the consensus top 20 remaining players after the keepers:

 

1) Jeff Query -WR

2) Terdell Middleton - RB

3) Gerry Ellis - RB

4) Kevin Butler - K

5) Donald Ibwebueke - P

6) Walter Stanley - WR

7) Phillip Epps - WR (I have his "Starting Lineup" figurine!)

8) Darrell Thompson - RB

9) Mike Cofer - K

10) Scott Mitchell - QB

11) Anthony Dilweg - QB

12) Blair Kiel - QB

13) Ed West - TE

14) Dexter Carter - RB

15) Jack Tredeau - QB

16) Sanjay Beach - WR

17) Vince Workman - RB

18) Brent Fullwood - RB

19) Reggie Cobb - RB

20) Kittrick Taylor - WR

 

Good luck to all!

 

Other events that will aid in drinking: Brewers v. Dodgers.  They play late on Friday and Saturday night, which means "Drinking Baseball!"  Baseball is always good, but it is even better when it is 11 p.m., you are drunk, and you need something to look at while avoiding conversation.  Also fun will be bitching about Ned Yost while all this happens.  Also, the Packers play a fake game against the 49ers at 8 p.m. Saturday, meaning we have fake football to watch as well.

 

To make a long story short, I look forward to wearing the jersey of another grown man, and hanging out in public drunk while wearing it. 

The Great Neddiny Strikes Again

I just pulled up the "Gamecast" here at work for the Brewers/Fathers.  And what am I greeted with, but Laynce Nix batting third.  I don't really know if Nix sux (heh) or not.  He hasn't had a lot of MLB experience.  BUT, he does have a career .236 BA, and .677 OPS, which unless your name is Rickie Weeks, is fucking terrible.  I realize Nix is going to play occasionally, and that Braun is hurt, and Kapler's arthritis is probably acting up, so somebody had to play in left.  I'm not questioning that.  What is maddening to me is how Yost feels that he can't possibly switch the lineup around at all, regardless of who is playing.    If I somehow ended up on the Brewer roster, and I played left field, and I got a start, I would bat third, even if I had no arms and held a bat with my feet.  Why?  Because Ryan Braun bats 3rd and he plays in right field. He would rather concede a run or two a game by batting this guy third for no reason other than he's too lazy to think. It is the dumbest thing I've ever seen a manager do, and he does it all the time and it drives me fucking crazy.  It's like he had a bunch of copies of a lineup card made up, with 2B batting first, SS batting second, LF third, 1B fourth, RF fifth, 3B sixth, CF seventh, C eight and P ninth.  To be fair, he has made switches at times, but he has kept with those switches for long periods of time.  Like he made 40 copies of the new lineup each time.  I swear if the Crew makes the playoffs it will be in spite of Neddy.  I don't know what he's thinking ever really.  And any idiot could manage this team the way they are pitching right now.  Go Crew!

Who? Me?

August 13, 2008.  A day that will live in infamy.  We officially got our first comment from somebody other than our immediate family and/or friends.  Yes, we appear to have a new friend named "Beavis".  Which, by the way, is fucking creative.  Beavis responded to Bear's comment RE: Tom Softicourt, by accusing us of trying to be "humourous".  I take great offense to that accuasation.  This is a scholarly, and intelligent blog, where only hard researched (the human head wieghs 8 pounds), meticulously prepared, and thouroughly edited posts get put up.  I'm not even sure what it means to be humourus.  We all have an Ivy league educations here at our blog (Archie's hush money went a long way), and surely we didn't have time for this "humor" nonsense, what between studying 13 hours a day,  playing polo with my fraternity brothers, and then doing my hair for 6 hours a day.  So, sir, I would kindly ask that you take our humble blog for the serious publication it is, and not one of these fucking slapdick "humor" sites (like JS Online).  Thank You.

Hardicourt delivers again

This time it's in response to Branyan's heading to the DL. For whom it may concern, Russell Branyan, Laynce Nix, does it really matter? I mean these guys are both definitions of career AAAA players. They will have super hot streaks at AAA, come up and play well for a few weeks and then sputter out in a triumphantly un-noticeable cold streak, then get sent back to AAA for another 2 years, until they are "ready to make a difference". Yet people still feel the need to argue and mince words about nobodies.

Anyways, here's Hardicourt's response to his own blog post. As per usual it starts off with someone calling him an amateur journalist, which he is because instead of finding out why Branyan was heading to the DL, he just made up a reason saying he was hurt this whole time. So Hardicourt fires back saying:

"To those who think they know more about reporting than we do, we've asked Yost many times over the past week or so why Counsell was playing more than Branyan. Each time, he just said he wanted Counsell in there because he "was producing."

The same excuse he already used in his original blog post, alas that was not good enough for Tom. When someone who actually does some reporting finally broke the real story, which was that Branyan hurt himself in BP last night, he then fires back with a real whopper.

"As brewersoptimist pointed out, Gord Ash said in a radio interview this morning that Branyan hurt his oblique in BP last night. So, for all of those amateur "journalists" who took immediate potshots at me for "missing" something with Branyan, I'll be waiting for your apologies. But I won't hold my breath. Know-nothings who live to toss out insults rarely admit they were wrong."

How exactly were they incorrect for calling you an amateur Tom? I think you just proved your own point by pointing out that someone else broke the story before you did and you are one of the two main reporters(I'd argue that you are the top dog, but clearly you're being paid to train Witrado as your replacement) for Milwaukee's main newspaper. Seems like sloppy work to put up a blog report about a roster move and not have all the facts beforehand.

Leave it to the Wisconsin locals

The nameless one has been dealt with accordingly.

He Who Shall Not Be Named

I am straight up stealing this reference from a local radio station.  From now on there is a moratorium on saying His name.  And you know very well whom I speak of.

 

Something I am going to try to do for the rest of the season (which his fucking impossible, and which I will randomly stop in about a week), is to count the number of times He is mentioned during a Packer game.  I didn't think of it until halftime last night, but my friends at ESPN made 70(!!!!) references to Him between 8:40 CST and 10:15 CST.

 

Onto the game (in patented bullet-point form!, trademark pending):

 

- The Jones TD was awesome.

- A- Rodg looked very competent, which would make him at least the second best QB in the division (behind Kitna).

- The O-line looked fucking terrible.

- The half a starting D looked pretty good.

- Ocho Cinco is batshit crazy.  Did you SEE that fucking interview he gave during the game?  "I am going to show all my Dade County"?!?!?!  What the fuck?  Then Suzy basically said "What the fuck?" and he says "Watch some old tape of the Hurricanes in the early 90's."  This means he is going to hang out with Luther Campbell, do mountains of coke, rape chicks, do steroids, wear an awesome neck roll, and wear a short jersey.  God, if you exist, I hope that all comes to pass.

Olympic-ness

Had to comment on the Olympics I watched yesterday.  That 4X100 swimming relay was insane.  My wife actually audibly yelled when the random U.S. guy caught the heavily favored French guy to win the gold.  To get her to yell about a sporting event is pretty difficult to do.  Me, not so much.  But she doesn't get that excited often.  I was really, really entertaining.

 

Also, Olympic basketball is excellent.  It is unlike an NBA game, because the teams opposing the U.S. team play like mid-major college teams, except for the most part they are much more talented.  The U.S. team is so talented, but they have a hard time ridding themselves of the NBA style of play.  They have a really hard time defending the three, which showed when China opened up at 7 for 11.  If they continue not to close out on the shooter, Spain and/or Greece is going to make 25 threes in a game on them and win.  What I don't understand is why the U.S. doesn't play full court and trap the opposition.  Whenever they decide to do it, they get themselves four or five steals and dunks in a row.  And they are quick enough to get back if the press is broken.  All of their guys are relatively young, and the "big" guys are small, so there is no reason they couldn't run the floor for 40 minutes.  Anyway, the game was really fun to watch yesterday.  Sucks that they play at like 8 a.m., so I probably won't get to watch another one (because I will be smashed for Saturday mornings game).

 

On a side note, surprising that a crazy fucking Chinese guy randomly stabbed two Americans (no it really is surprising.)  Also surprising is that a citizen killed someone before a member of the Chinese police/military did.

Near Death Experience

I suppose Bear and BMac (because nobody else reads this bullshit) might be wondering why it took me so long to post something today.  Well, it wasn't because I was busy at work, that is for fucking sure.  No, it was because my head nearly exploded at about 7:30 this morning.  It was inexplicable.  I woke up, drove to work and was fine.  I got to work and sneezed.  About a minute later I had mind bending pain behind my left eye.  It hurt to do everything.  I certainly couldn't work.  Luckily, my parents live about a mile from my office, so I went over there, passed out for about an hour, and woke up feeling fine.  It was bizarre to say the least.  I just hope whatever is growing in my brain doesn't cause me pain this weekend so I can draft a legendary fantasy football team and drink until I puke.

The Demise of the Packers has Been Greatly Overstated

I have been in dire need of a new Packer hat as of late.  The one I had was a white one, that looks like it has been eaten by Bear, and then passed through his digestive tract,  fully in-tact, and passed out the other end.  And it smells.  So I decided to stop into the Packer Pro Shop, which for those unfortunate few who doesn't know, is connected to Lambeau Field.  If I had an unlimited supply of money, I would drop about a thousand bucks every time I went in.  So I stopped in on Saturday about 1 p.m.  The Packers had practiced earlier, but may have had a night practice too, I don't really know.  Either way, it was difficult to find a parking spot.  While inside, I had to wait a few minutes behind the fatties at the hat rack to peruse my options.  Then, I had to wait in line for my purchase for about 5 minutes.  There were FOUR cashiers, WITH motherfuckers bagging the shit for them.  And it took five minutes for me to get to the front, which should clue you into how many people were in the place (which is rather large). The lady in front of me was a middle aged woman wearing a bedazzled Packer shirt.  Someone stopped and asked her if she made it herself, and she said she just bought it there last night.  She was in front of me in line, and purchased another $224 worth of gear. 

 

The moral to this story is that the artist formerly known as Brett Favre was a fucking moron to think he was bigger than the Green Bay fucking Packers.  They will live on, and (probably) still be playing alot longer than the artist formerly known as Favre.  I only say probably because he may play until the NFL itself has been taken over by football playing robots and the same robots murdered all of the owners of all the teams, and the NFL office itself, and renamed the league the RFL, and the artist formerly known as Favre will probably start for one of the robot teams and throw like 35 picks a year.

Big Ben!

Game Summary: Can't say I really saw back-to-back complete game shutouts coming. Anyone know if that ever happened before? Sheets looked GOOD last night. Hopefully Braun isn't hurt too bad. Stadium was packed. According to the public address announcer, both Hardy and Durham's HRs were exactly 400 feet. I'm calling bullshit on that. Then, the one Hart hit directly over the 400ft sign was 405. I nearly died on the way home. I turned my head to switch lanes on I-94, and the entire lane infront of me locked them up. Tires squaled but I slid to a stop about a foot behind the mini-van full of nuns in front of me.

Dear Bear

I ganked this from Deadspin, but thought it fit in nicely with our league:

Drafting A Player That Fucked You Over The Year Before: You can never win with this. Did you get fucked over by Steven Jackson last year? Well, I can guarantee you two things. One: if you draft him again, he will fuck you again. Two: if you DON’T draft him, he will run for 5,000 yards and score 87 TD’s. He’ll also somehow score 13 safeties. Once a player screws you, he will always find a way to screw you.

A-Rodg Quote of the Day

“When a little kid is yelling swear words at me, that kind of gets to me a little bit,” Rodgers said. “The boos? They expect a high level of play, and they miss Brett Favre, I understand that. But the f-you and the little kids saying swear words, I don’t understand that.”

Agreeing with Juice

Or how about this from one of the blogs about a training camp practice? Where nobody is expected to be looking that good?

NEEDS IMPROVEMENT

Rodgers, though once again sharp for the most part, missed a completely open Donald Lee during the two-minute drill when Rodgers threw it high and behind....Chris Francies, Taj Smith and James Jones had drops. Francies also slipped on a pattern.


Here is what my blog excerpt from the NFC championship game would have looked like

NEEDS IMPROVEMENT

Favre, though once again sharp the week before, missed a completely wide open everyone and threw a fucking pick that led to the game winning field goal for the Giants, god he was such an old and useless pile of shit during this game because it looked like everytime he came out from under his giant coat he wanted to run back to sidelines and wrap himself back up in it.

The End.

Lrn2FollowFootball all of you band wagon jumping assholes, I hope you get to see the real Favre from the last 3 years in New York.

A-Rodg Quote of the Day

"I'd like to look at you because then they can't use this on Sportscenter. Where do you want me to look? What do I do with my hands? I don't know what to do with my hands." -- Aaron Rodgers

 

He stole that from Talledega Nights.  But it is still funny.  I bet Favre hasn't even heard of Talledaga Nights.

We Have Problem

I wanted to get past this fucking Favre thing, but I'm having a problem.  See, the receptionist in my office is a very loud and opinionated person, and of course she has been doing nothing but talking shit about the Packers front office, and being all pissed about Favre being gone and "how they treated him".  She has been attempting to engage me in a debate about it because she knows it pisses me off.  I've told her calmly to fucking stop it because I don't want to say something I will regret, and either a)cause a rift in the office or b) get my ass fired.  But she seriously won't fucking let it go, and she won't fucking stop bothering me about it.  And to top it off, she is one of my bosses wives so I can't just toss a cup of hot coffee in her face.  To be continued????????

"Experts" Predictions

This only tangentially has anything to do with the Favre situation.  So I hope that I am not severely punished, as it seems that anyone who has an opinion on anything needs to include at least 75% Favre. I'm no longer going to futilely compare the Packers to the Jets, because it is irrelevant and stupid.  

 

 Anyway, I have a question:  Did Aaron Rodgers suddenly become a worse quarterback than he was two months ago?  Did he suffer some type of injury?  Has he looked so terrible in practices against his teammates that he can't possibly quarterback effectively?  Did an important skill position player for the Packers go down with a season ending injury that I don't know about?  The reason I ask all these questions is that before all this Favre shit came up, the Packers were at least somewhat, the favorite to win the NFC North.  I say somewhat, because to be fair, there were a number of people that picked the Queens as well.  At the very least however, most looked at the Packers roster, and rightfully said that at the very least they are a strong wild card contender, and with the strength being their defense, should win around 10 games.  Fast forward to after the Favre situation, and not only are the Queens overwhelming favorites (despite not adding anyone in the last two months), but nobody seems to think the Packers have a legitimate shot at the playoffs.  Did I miss something?  The mere smell of Favre talking about coming back, apparently made everyone realize that he wasn't still the Packers starting QB.  Well, I'm going to call bullshit on this.  The Pack will be fine, they didn't get way worse than the Vikings overnight.  Not that Minnesota couldn't win the North, I just don't think they will.

China is Super-Wonderful!

The Olympics in China is starting up in a few days.  Alot of what goes on at the Olympics isn't terribly interesting, and alot of the stuff I don't understand, but it is at least something better than Law & Order re-runs to throw on TV for a few weeks.  Plus, with the time difference, it can be on 24 hours a day, which is weird too.  Anyways, I figured I should do a bit of a preview now that I can get back to living my life now that Favre is gone.  Here is a list of things that make me exciting about the Olympics in Beijing:

 

1. Smog:  I look forward to seeing people walk around in surgical masks between (during?) events.  I am especially looking forward to seeing a marathon runner die of lung cancer, or puke up soot at the end of the race.

 

2. Government Propaganda:  There is nothing funnier in this world than seeing a communist (or other non-democratic) government issue ridiculous propaganda about how great everything is there despite all of the poverty, human rights violations, sanitary issues and death that surround everyday life in the country.  I also enjoy the anti-American sentiment and blatant racism.  I still can't believe the IOC was able to overlook all of this in order for the corporate sponsors to make some money.  Speaking of which.....

 

3. Blatant Commercialism:  I can't wait to see the advertisements on the bottom of sprinter's shoes, and superimposed on every apparatus in every event.

 

4. Random Superstars:  There is always one or two people from the US that unexpectedly win a gold medal, and become overnight superstars for about 5 minutes.

 

5.  Burnouts:  I rather like it when gymnasts are forced to ruin their bodies to perfect their craft for the first 18  years of their lives, only to be cast aside like garbage, and having to deal with the probability that they can no longer bear children.  Unless you are Mary Lou Retton, there isn't much of a market for your skills later in life.

 

6.  Roids:  If you don't think the Chinese are shooting beef roids right now to win all of the medals you are crazy.

 

7.  Architecture:  It looks like the Chinese built some pretty insane shit.  I'm sure these stadiums will all serve them well for centuries to come.  Much better than houses, hospitals or schools.  I bet the citizens that were displaced and/or shot are happy to do their part for Mother China.

 

8.  Food:  Looking forward to the stories of the American tourists and athletes and how they ate deer penis either purposely or accidentally.

 

9.  Government Restriction on Speech:  If you didn't know, the Chinese don't exactly believe in the 1st amendment.  In fact, media outlets are already reporting problems regarding access at the games.  I can't wait until Bob Costas is in the middle of a live update and a solider comes onto the set, shoves a rifle in his face and screams at him in Chinese to get the fuck out of here.  I also fully expect the government to beat the living shit out of some hippies at some point.

 

 

Interesting Stat

So I was perusing the recap of last night's game on jsonline and there was a link for the head to head stats of the two teams. I clicked on it, was looking through and not seeing anything interesting, when I came across this little nugget.


Brewers Reds
362 Walks 410
844 Strikeouts 787

We officially walk less and strike out more than the Cincinnati Reds. That is an abomination.


Oh yea and Favre got traded, I updated my post from before about that.

Reaction from Jet Fan

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" -- That guy who shows up to the draft with a Jets jersey with his own name on the back, wearing Jets colored bib overalls, and a Jets fireman's helmet.

B-r-e-t-t-s, Bretts, Bretts, Bretts!

If Favre had to be traded (and clearly he did), I think he ended up in one of the best possible places for the Packers and their fan's sanity.  He seriously might as well be playing on Mars.  They won't play the Jets until 2014.  And its not that I fear playing against Brett because he might beat the Packers or because the Jets are better (because they aren't).  It is just the week long circus that would surround it, and the effect on my mental stability.  I'm glad to able to move on, as bizarre and hurtful as it will be to see him playing for the Jets (hopefully stumbling around drooling, and throwing underhand passes to the other team as a shadow of his former self), it needed to happen.  Not completely sure the Pack got enough (although it will almost surely be at least a 3rd round pick), but they likely had to make a concession to get that ridiculous Viking trade provision in there (3 FIRST ROUNDERS!!, Minnesota here he comes!).  No chance they get a 1st, because the Jets quite frankly aren't very good.  A 2nd is possible but I really don't see how they get ahead of the Pats, Colts, Steelers, Browns, Chargers, Jags, Titans, Texans (maybe) in the AFC.  I think the Jets are around an 8-8 team with Favre, with an outside shot at a wild card.  The Packers are probably 9-7 or 10-6 with Rodgers (assuming he stays healthy).  He is also going to have to get used to everyone in NY being assholes, and not being treated with kid gloves like he was in GB.  He is just another in a long line of superstars in NY, and he will be playing third fiddle at best (although I'm sure Wendy Nix just rented a room in NYC for the season) in his own town, as the Yankees and Giants are much more popular.  He is going to wish he sucked it up and stayed in GB.  I hope he does well, I hope he's happy, I hope he doesn't win a Super Bowl or an MVP.  He will always be a Packer, and I hope when he actually does retire in 2054, he can reconcile with the organization.

 

Now hopefully I can get some fucking sleep.

 

I am WAY more excited for Packer season now.

Further Proof That the Loudest People are Wrong

http://blogs.jsonline.com/packers/archive/2008/08/05/poll-shows-support-for-franchise.aspx

 

That's right motherfuckers.  Not that being in the majority always means you are right.  But only 31% of people in Green Bay support Favre.  Which is nearly as low (maybe lower?) than George Fucking Bush (who is a complete retard).  I bet Ned Yost's approval rating is higher.  It turns out I was wrong about the majority of people being stupid.  It is just the loud minority who need to give me their season tickets. 

 

BTW, as you can see I'm trying to post these things remotely from work without actually going onto the blog.  Hopefully this works, or I will be wasting a shitload of precious effort.

A-Rodg Quote of the Day

"Brett Swain sure got a lot of attention." -- Referring to the "fans" chanting "We want Brett!", 10,000 times at practice yesterday

Even More Favrah

I'm sitting here in the aftermath of that clusterfuck that was just McCarthy's interview. Essentially, Favre is being a bitch. Fuck anyone that thinks otherwise. But seriously, go ahead continue to blame Ted Thompson and McCarthy for "forcing him out" because they didn't suck his dick non-stop. I'm not condoning how either side handled this shit. Obviously, things went too far, egos probably got in the way. BUT, none of this happens without Favre being a bitch about all of this. As McCarthy said, "Brett was not in a mind set to play quarterback for the Green Bay Packers." And "why would I want someone in the locker room who has that mind set." This shit is still insane as hell. It has been reported by numerous outlets that he has already been traded to Tampa, but ESPN and NFL Network haven't confirmed it yet. Until he lines up for the Bucs, I can't believe anything. It would definitely be bittersweet. Sweet because shit would finally chill out a bit around here. Bitter because he is the best player I have ever seen play.

So the people that are still blaming Thompson and McCarthy, shut the fuck up already. BRETT doesn't want to play in Green Bay anymore. While it is partially the Packers fault for causing these emotions, they sound like they were willing to have him back, but he didn't want to. Root for the Packers, wish Brett well (unless he is playing against the Packers) or get the fuck out.

Richard, you are getting dangerously close to losing out on being considered for one of the tickets I have this season. Take it back.

I know this all rambling and incoherent, but so has everything in the past month.

I now await Favre's interview with either Mort, or Peter King, or John Madden, or Greta Van Sustren, or fucking Geraldo, or Larry King, or John Clayton, or Adam Shefter, or Jay Glazer, or one of the other three hundred journalists he has on his speed dial, where he will call McCarthy a liar.

The Fat Man and The Old Man

Brett Favre and Prince Fielder. Apparently Brett's gone to Tampa Bay Your New York Jets!, they just got done working out a preliminary trade agreement this afternoon and he's out the door. Well, whatever I'll ignore that for now until something actually gets settled, so many people justifying their sports writer paychecks right now by reporting non stop on just 100% pure speculation bullshit.

On to the fat man. Did I not warn everyone I know at the beginning of this season that he was a fat piece of shit and a cancer? In fact that's his new nickname, Fatty Tumor. Here are some gems from Prince's media announcement today.

I've been playing with Manny since rookie ball. It's not like we hate each other. At least, I don't.

So this dumbass doesn't even know if a guy he's been playing with for over 4 years hates him? I can usually tell if someone hates me when I walk into a room.

No one will reveal the exact details but word has it that Fielder didn't like that Parra was headed to the clubhouse without staying on the bench to watch the top of the inning, especially after just surrendering six runs.

So Parra's upset about giving up six runs in an inning? Give him some fucking breating room. No one questions Prince's fat ass when he swears off meat, or stops paying his taxes, or misses every fucking ground ball that is hit more than 3 feet away from him on either side, much like what happened for a 2 run RBI single in the inning that Parra just gave up six runs.

Fielder said he had yet to sit down and talk with Parra about the altercation but indicated he planned to do so.

Wait, so you are giving a media interview about this altercation and you haven't sat down and talked to your own teammate about it? That's fucked up in my opinion. Take care of your shit internally first, then give the media their story after.

Now for Yost's drug induced coma of an interview.

Asked what would warrant removing a player from the lineup, Yost said, "non-hustle, being late, disrespecting the game in terms of hot dogging, no hustling, those types of things."

Apparently Yost is not a fan of his players not hustling.

"That one thing doesn't hurt his image. It was a mistake on both sides, one that I think both of them regret.

How the fuck was this Manny Parra's mistake? He got fucking shoved to the ground and almost sat on by a 320 pound tumor.

Oh well, none of this surprises me, I don't know if I can hate him anymore than I already did, however this is just one more thing to use in any discussion about why his new nickname is Fatty Tumor and why we should be shopping him for as much as we can get in the next season or two.

Perhaps He Thought Manny Was a Celery Stalk?

Fat people really shouldn't pick on people that are 1/4 their size. Prince Fielder's open hand bitch-shove of Manny Parra last night in the dugout probably wasn't necessary. I don't really know what was said to piss Fielder off, but Manny doesn't really seem like the type to stir shit up, so I have to assume that Prince was hungry. Of course, Ned Yost says there is no problem, and will probably commend Prince for showing so much "fire". But as we all know, anything that comes out of Neddy's mouth is more than likely incredibly fucking stupid. We can only hope the Crew goes the route the Cubs went last year after Zambrano beat the shit out of Michael Barrett in the dugout, and goes on a huge tear to win the division. Right now the Crew has been rather shitty, and are about 0 for their last 7,000 with runners in scoring position when they don't hit a home run.

(ED NOTE: This is probably redundant, but I wrote it earlier, so suck my dick)

I'm going to the Brewer-Nats game on Saturday. I think Benny is on the mound. For those who are curious, this is the third time in the last two years I have seen Benny start, he is 0-1 in those other two, including a two month trip to the DL. It would be classic Brewers to get shut down by whatever AA- 82mph fastball throwing asshole the Nats put on the mound that night.

Total Collapse

Not only did I suck it up in our final softball night of the year, but the Twins had a complete meltdown. They were ahead 6-0 against the fucking Mariners of all people and proceeded to get destroyed 11-6.

To make matters worse I had an annual "review" at work yesterday (which I had to request) and my selfish prick boss said he would "think" about giving me a raise, then proceeded to tell me I needed to "get my numbers up" (make more money). I guess that 100,000 in my first year wasn't enough. I love seeing him pull in the parking lot with his 2007 Thunderbird, something to make him feel better about his small penis, either that or it is a tool for him to pick up 16 year old boys that are jogging down on the beach.

The latest rumor I heard was a 3rd round pick and Gus Ferrote's corpse (a crappy veteran in case the Pack's crappy rookies don't work out) for Favre, which would be about the same as the Vikings lighting a steamy pile of shit on the Packer's porch, ringing the doorbell and hiding. In my opinion, the Vikes need to step up and offer at least a 2nd rounder and Ferrote's corpse (more likely is a 1st rounder). They need to do something so we are not stuck with Tavaras (sp?) Jackson, a homeless man's version of Steve McNair. With that being said, I still don't think the Pack will trade Favre to Minny, unless Minny offers a Herschel Walker type package again (some insane amount of draft picks). Which by the way, crippled the Vikings for at least 10 years and was probably the worst trade of all time.

Help Wanted

I am going to be quitting my job effective immediately and reporting to Packer training camp as there is apparently an "open competition" at QB. I assume that means for anyone.

Can we really trust anyone in this situation? I mean, this is getting more fucked up by the minute, as if that is even possible. I would not be surprised to learn that Favre and Ted Thompson are going to through a messy breakup of their illicit gay love affair and that is the cause of the tension. Or that Favre was indicted for molesting border collies. Nothing would shock me at this point. Favre might retire Tuesday. He may be traded (the Pack allegedly contacted the Queens on Friday). He may be forced to play with the fourth stringers. He may sign the personal service contract. Or there might be a legit competition. I won't believe anything until it happens. There has been more speculation that I've maybe ever seen.

The circus is officially coming to town. Yesterday, Favre's plane landed and you would have thought the president had arrived. A few dozen fans were screaming his name (and CRYING. Fucking get a life you fucking losers.), flash bulbs were popping, regular programming was interrupted. Also, Rodgers looked like shit (and was booed) at the scrimmage last night. This isn't going to end well. I don't see any way that the circus is going to end if Favre stays other than him being named the starter. Which if that is what McCarthy legitimately decides, I will get over myself and pretend this shit didn't happen. (I bet the makeup sex will be incredible.) And then I will brace myself for the same thing next year.

I guess we will have to wait until 8:15, when the world will shut down and McCarthy will hold a press conference where he will say some shit like "We will take it one day at a time". And we will be no closer to the end of this than now. Or he will rip his face off and reveal that he is a horse, and then the horse will rip its face off and reveal he is a broom. Nothing would surprise me.

Quote of the Day (Non- A- Rodg Edition)

The smog is something else he will have to deal with but, as he notes, there is no way to train for that and it is little different than the equally polluted urban air he had to breathe during the Olympics in Athens.

"Other than pulling my treadmill into the garage, starting the car and hoping I come out two hours later, there isn't really a lot I can do to get ready for it," he said.

And I have an issue with standing in smoky bars in my old age. I guess I should cross Bejing off my list of vacation destination. Hilarious.

An aside to the Grant situation

My man Richard's team (the defending champs)in the OJSFA is completely fucked without Grant. That would be a dirty, dirty, shame.

Why are the Packers being pricks to Ryan Grant?

It turns out there is another very important player on the Packers who is having a contract issue. Ryan Grant, who stormed his way into the ESPN Fantasy Football Hall of Fame with him performance last season, is still unsigned. If he doesn't report, the Pack will go with Brandon Jackson, who has started ZERO games in his career. Word on the street is that McCarthy has been walking around at half mast over how Jackson has looked lately, so it doesn't appear that the Pack is willing to budge a whole lot on Grant. The situation is sort of bizarre though. Grant started 8 games last season, and in his career. But he was really, really good in most of those. He is 25 years old. But again, he came out of the blue, and has only really played a half season. He is a "restricted rights" free agent, meaning he plays for the Packers or nobody, and the only leverage he has is to not sign at all and not play, and make no money. Arguably, he has no leverage at all. Especially since the Pack seems happy with Brandon Jackson. Another problem he has is that Favre is overshadowing everything, every is sort of ignoring Grant, so there isn't much outward pressure on the Pack to do anything. Grant is seeking 6 yr/40mil, with incentive based bonuses (including apparently $10mil if he runs for 2000 yds). Personally, that doesn't seem overly ridiculous, and if he runs for 2000 yds (which has been done like 4 times ever) then he is probably worth the 10mil. BUT, the position of RB is not one that teams should overpay for unless that player is irreplaceable, because they can quickly become replaceable (see Shaun Alexander). Right now I would argue that only LDT and A Peter would be worth long term investments. The rest are a tweaked ankle away from losing a step, which in the NFL means you fucking suck. Every year there are two or three guys that come out of the blue when the big time starter gets hurt, and run for a shitload of yards. Those players either become the starter themselves, or fade into oblivion. (see Ryan Grant, Ernest Graham, Ahmad Bradshaw, Justin Fargas, Dorsey Levens, Ahman Green, Edgar Bennett, Terdell Middleton, etc.). Of course the NFL isn't like baseball where everything is guaranteed, so they could just cut his ass after two years if he sucks, but they would lose out on the bonuses they gave up, which I assume would be sizable. I think the Pack should be fair, but not overpay. Right now, I according to Grant they aren't being fair. I think they will be fine without him. Alot of times the RB isn't as important as the O-line (Shaun Alexander, Larry Johnson). But whatever the Pack is offering is alot more than Grant could make by taking his degree from Notre Dame and being a bank teller. I'm just sayin'.