Draft Review

As I settle in for a non-HD Brewer game (what the fuck?)(ED NOTE: That bitch Jeff Karstens just purposely drilled Braun in the back, and now Macha is bitter that Looper won't get a free shot later), I figured I would try to pump out the long awaited NFL Draft/Packer Draft/Draft Party/Swearing in front of little kids party, review.

PACKERS

I was thoroughly impressed. It seems like everyone else was too. Many important publications have used thier publishing power to declare the Packers draft to be superior to many others. Although part of me wanted Crabtree, I think they did the smart thing. (Until Crabtree has 17 catches for 161 yards and 3 TDs against GB later this year, and Raji turns into Cletedius Hunt). I like the idea of the Pack trading up to get Matthews more than I actually like Matthews probably, but I don't get paid to decide these things, so right now, I'm going to assume Matthews is the greatest non-steroid abusing LB to gain 80 lbs of muscle and go from walk on to 1st round NFL pick in 3 years. Both guys should start (and lets be honest, if Matthews can't beat out Poppinga, Thompson might as well pack his bags now). I feel like we added some decent depth later on, even though I've heard of none of them.

NFL

-What in the fuck were the Raiders doing? Seriously, I can't wait until they sign Vick later in the year. I almost feel like someone needs to assassinate Al Davis.

-How is Josh Freeman a number one pick? I'll be honest, I watch a lot of college football, and I think the only time I ever heard of him was when Allan Everidge of UW transferred here because he lost the job to Freeman. Everidge couldn't stay ahead of Dustin Sherer. Who sucks. I'm just saying, this NFL draft thing is bizarre sometimes. You could logically make the argument that Freeman was no better than the 6th QB in his CONFERENCE (Bradford, McCoy, Harrell, Daniels and maybe the fat kid from Kansas). So essentially, Tampa is dropping 20 mil or so on a guy who is big, fast, has a strong arm, but is the QB of a 5-7 team (including two wins over North Texas and Montana St.). I realize that doesn't mean everything, but I guess my point is that the NFL draft is weird.

-I'm glad to see that the Lions will suck for 6 more years. Stafford may not have even been the best QB in the draft. Most years he would have been a late first rounder at best. He is a less musically inclined version of Joey Harrington.

- I'm glad to see that the Vikings remain the Oakland Raiders of the NFC. But really, 5'6", injury prone potheads generally make great NFL wide receivers. How tall are you LoafCobra? And even if Harvin does end up being good, you can guarantee Childress is going to piss away at least two years trying to figure out how to use him effectively. He is a shorter version of Troy Williamson.

-The Bears drafted nobody of consequence, but all the experts are trying to pass off a trade for a third year alcoholic, diabetic quarterback as a draft pick because he was traded for draft picks. Fucking stupid.

THE P.J. HILL EXPERIMENT

"The fucking plane has crashed into the fucking mountain!"--The Big Lebowski

-I've always been a huge fan of P.J. (cough). This has got to be one of the stupidest things anyone has ever done. I realize he probably wasn't helping his stock all that much by coming back. Bielema has been trying to get him out for two years now, and I'm pretty certain John Clay is your starter no matter what. But if the writing was on the wall, don't you think he could have transferred somewhere? Somewhere that he could have played? Someone would have let him come over (D-II or something). He had some talent, just not enough speed or durability to make it in the Big Ten. But why just give up? Obviously, he wasn't drafted, and he still hasn't made it on as free agent any place. So now what? No free education, and no football. McDonald's here we come!

DRAFT PARTY

-It started out with Richard and his family eschewing the checking into the hotel, so they could go directly to the Tilted Kilt. Which is really a sluttier version of Hooters. My wife's favorite saying is "I really want to go back there because the food was so good, but all the saggy tits in my food is disgusting." What she really meant to say is, "If the chicks were hotter, we would go there once a week." After that we headed over to the Stadium View and drank a little. I was driving the wife so I didn't drink too much.

-Running Diary of Saturday (what I remember. Perhaps Richard can fill in the voids)

I really would like to apologize for what I think was a bitch performance (maybe I'm wrong). But I really don't remember much at all. I don't know if it was the fact that I don't drink as much as I used to, the fact that I've lost 20 lbs or the fact that I ate 5 chicken wings the entire day.

10:30am-- I arrive at Stadium View for a bloody.

11:00am-- I order a beer.

11:30am-- We order one of those giant ass tubes full of beer, and 4 of us destroy it in less than an hour.

12:30pm-- I go stand in the freezing ass cold/rain outside Lambeau. I am about a 7 out of 10 trashed already.

2:00pm--We are let in. I dash to the elevator for a $4.50 beer.

2:15-4 ish-- I stay pretty decent until the Packers pick. I remember all of that pretty clearly.

4 to 10-- A bunch of shit happened I guess.

I remember wandering around and drinking.

I remember pissing alot.

I remember looking at Lambeau from a Skybox.

I remember having at least 2 shots at Curly's and straight up giving up watching the draft by about pick 28.

I remember having quite a few more beers.

The only conversation I remember at all was with the 90 year old dude who is an emeritus member of the Packer board, and he foolishly let Richard and I wear his Super Bowl ring.

I remember that there are pictures of this.

I remember taking that cheap ass, ugly ass hat they gave us at the door and bending the brim upside down (or that might have been Richard, I don't remember).

I remember for some reason wandering about 3/4 of the way around the stadium outside.

I remember getting into a cab to go to "Fuzzy's #63" to go hang out with Packer great Fuzzy Thurston.

I know we had at least one more shot there, and I'm sure I had a beer.

I then remember an overwhelming urge to vomit, although I'm pretty sure I didn't.

Then I remember my wife coming to pick us up at what I'm pretty sure was like 10:30.

It is entirely possible that I had no further conversation with anyone, and that I was in a fetal position in the corner for about 5 hours of the day. Above is all I remember, and that stuff couldn't have taken more than like 10 minutes.

In conclusion, I better get my shit together for Shit In My Eye. I've got a good warm up Saturday. I'm going on some type of bus to a Brewer game. I'll have to turn in a better performance.

I look forward to hearing what actually happened from Richard.