Immediately following the Some-Star Game last night, the Brewers acquired Francisco Rodriguez and cash in a trade for 2 players to be named later. Let's break this down a little bit shall we?
First of all, let's talk about the pieces.
KRod may not be in the prime of his career, but he is still a good reliever and will be an upgrade to our current bullpen, the biggest question is whether he is actually comfortable with coming in to a set up role. Sometimes closers, especially ones who are put there unwillingly, have issues with moving to that 8th inning slot. His contract is quite large, but the Mets ate 5 million of it in the trade and he has around another 5 million left for the rest of the year, so that will be a wash for this year and they will be able to buy out his contract at the end of the year for 3.5 million. There is a vesting clause for next year that I will talk about more in depth later.
The Brewers are sending over 2 players to be named at a later date. These are always fun guessing games for commenters and bloggers trying to speculate who might be available. Apparently the list is of 5 players and according to comments by Doug Melvin, none of those players would be considered top prospects in our farm system. It has also been said that the quality of these players will somewhat depend on how well Rodriquez performs for the remainder of the year. Hopefully that means the Mets were just looking to dump KRod's contract and didn't really care who they got back, they just wanted some bodies.
KRod just recently switched his agent to Scott Boras, on Monday in fact. With this switch came these immediate comments from Boras; “Francisco Rodriguez is a historic closer, he's not going anywhere to be a setup man.” and “Closers don't make good setup men. Does anyone want an unhappy setup man in their clubhouse?” Now one could read those comments and nod along and say, damn, KRod's gonna blow up in Milwaukee. But I'll take a different approach and it involves the little vested option for next year.
In KRod's contract, it states that if he finishes(not necessarily saves) 55 games this year, he will be vested for the next year at a salary of around 17 and a half million dollars. He has currently finished 34 games, so 21 to go. That will not happen. There is no way the Brewers will be saddled with that kind of money next for Francisco Rodriguez. This couldn't be happier news for Scott Boras and there's a reason KRod was sent to a team like the Brewers. You see, those quotes were made on Monday before this trade and after the announcement that Boras would be his agent, he knew the Mets wanted off the hook for that almost 18 million dollar vesting and that there was a very real chance they took him off his 9th inning duties if they couldn't move him. This was a hedge move by Boras, he would publicly remind the Mets that if they did decide to go this route, he could and would tell his client to shit the bed right then and there. Everyone else in the league would become blatantly aware of why KRod performed so poorly and it was because the Mets just screwed him out of 18 million. What does Boras have to gain from getting KRod out of that vesting? Well that's pretty obvious, Boras didn't negotiate this contract so he won't see a dime of the money and Scott Boras is not a man that works hard to get someone else paid.
For this reason alone, I think you will see a very happy and a very cooperative Francisco Rodriguez coming into the 8th inning and pitching as well as he can for the Brewers. A good showing will remind clubs next year that he can still close and that he is still under 30 and deserves a big 5 year contract. This will of course be a foolish contract. Rodriguez being the set up man for the remainder of the year also plays right into Boras' hands and you can bet this trade has made him very happy.
I like this trade for the Brewers, it's very little risk long term even if it is more of a psychological gain than an actual performance boost to our bullpen. We've made the first move in the NL Central and now the eyes will be on the Cardinals, Red and Pirates to match or shuffle forward.
Now we just need a new shortstop, wonder what JJ Hardy's doing in Baltimore?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
State of the Brewers
Now is as good a time as any to give you my mid-season summary of the Milwaukee Brewers. I'm going to try to break it down an organized fashion. See Baseball Reference and Fan Graphs for all the stats. (Ed. Note: I wrote half of this a few days earlier, so some of the stats are a few days outdated.)
OVERALL: The team currently sits at 47-42, tied with the St. Louis Cardinals. The team has struggled as of late, losing 7 of 10, including blowing back-to-back five run leads. If you check out Baseball Reference's expanded standings, it is interesting to note that they are better record-wise, than they have actually played (BR has them at 45-44, 2 games behind Cincinnati and St. Louis). Based on my preseason, overly simplified expectations, I have the Crew 4 games behind the imaginary, playoff bound Brewers. I'm getting a little worried because of the way they have been losing. But, if you told me they would be tied for first 99 games in, I would take it. Baseball is just a frustrating game.
1B: Prince rates as the 9th best player in the NL based on WAR, and 2nd best 1st basemen (behind Votto). No problems here. He's been great. Defensively, he is still below replacement, but he is a beast at the plate.
2B: Weeks is the 18th best player in the NL and the best 2nd baseman. Can't argue with that. Even though it feels like he has improved his defense, he is actually WORSE than Fielder defensively based on his position, which is a little surprising.
SS: Yuni is fucking terrible. He is a -.4 WAR, which means he is WORSE than someone that you could walk onto any AAA team to get. He is fucking terrible on defense, where he is on pace to COST the Brewers 17 runs due to his defense this year (for comparison sake, Hart is predicted to SAVE 8 runs, and nobody would accuse him of being good). Batting wise, his OPS is .612 (league average is .703), and his OPS+ is 67 (100 is typically considered average, and adjusts his OPS number for ballpark factors). The bottom line is that he is fucking terrible in every aspect of the game. To top it off Roenicke has hit him FIFTH two recent games. If the Crew doesn't play someone else at SS for at least 1/2 of the rest of their games, they cannot possibly make the playoffs without being damn near perfect everywhere else. The solution is really not on the roster I don't think. Josh Wilson has been better than anyone else, but I think that is probably due to a small sample size than anything. However, as bad as Yuni has been, I can't imagine it would be too costly to get someone better. Even if that someone isn't great himself.
3B: McGehee has been worse than Yuni if that is even possible. The only reason it is hard to give up on him is because he had never been this bad before (whereas Yuni has always been bad). But this can't continue. Statistically he is arguably FAR worse than Yuni. Again, Wilson has been decent, but not decent enough to play both 3B and SS at the same time, and he probably isn't a starter. We need to get a 3B too probably. (Ed. Note: He hit a game winning, pinch hit 3 run homer two days ago. He still sucks).
LF: Braun is the 3rd best player in the NL (Behind Matt Kemp and Andrew McCutheon, again based on Wins Above Replacement). He is a stud. Interestingly, he is above replacement defensively, but I don't think WAR is a great indicator of defense especially in the outfield. I'm in love with him in a probably not sexual way.
CF: The Gomez/Plush combo is awesome to watch. Probably the two most exciting players to watch on the team, because you have no idea what is going to happen at any given moment. Gomez may overrun 3rd on the triple and break his neck falling into the dugout, or jump over the CF wall to make a catch. Plush may hit 5 triples (Plushdamentals!), or murder the home plate umpire. Offensively, there is no contest here. Plush has been nothing short of great offensively, while Gomez is nothing short of terrible. Defensively, Gomez has been spectacular. His defense is so good, that he nearly makes up for how bad he is offensively. For that reason, I don't have a huge problem with a 70/30 or so split (with Plush given the nod where there is a question). If I had to have one it would be Plush, but Gomez is a guy that can play some.
RF: Hart has been serviceable. It doesn't feel like he's been serviceable, because of how good he is when he is good, and because it looks like he's drunk and not trying when he plays bad.
C: Lucroy has struggled defensively, but he's been slightly above average offensively. For a catcher, I actually have some confidence in him when he bats, which is saying a lot. Also, banged Randy Wolf's wife.
Bench: Josh Wilson is the only bench player that adds anything to this team. Kottaras is a back-up catcher not named Wil Nieves, so he gets a pass, and occasionally runs into one, so he stays. Gamel has nothing else to do in the minors, and has gotten no legitimate shot yet, so he stays too. If you want to use a roster spot for a defensive replacement not named Carlos Gomez, Counsell has some value, but he should never face a major league pitcher again. Kotsay is simply awful in every aspect, and has obviously blackmailed Roenicke into his absurd amount of playing time (Including continuing to start in LF with Braun out and batting 5th for no reason). Brandon Boggs should be on this team in place of Kotsay. There is probably someone on the streets that is at least as good as Counsell.
Starting Pitching: I'm down with our starting pitching. There isn't one guy out of the five I would replace. Marcum has been tremendous, Yo, Wolf and Narveson have had a few hiccups, and a few gems, but overall, pretty good.
OVERALL: The team currently sits at 47-42, tied with the St. Louis Cardinals. The team has struggled as of late, losing 7 of 10, including blowing back-to-back five run leads. If you check out Baseball Reference's expanded standings, it is interesting to note that they are better record-wise, than they have actually played (BR has them at 45-44, 2 games behind Cincinnati and St. Louis). Based on my preseason, overly simplified expectations, I have the Crew 4 games behind the imaginary, playoff bound Brewers. I'm getting a little worried because of the way they have been losing. But, if you told me they would be tied for first 99 games in, I would take it. Baseball is just a frustrating game.
1B: Prince rates as the 9th best player in the NL based on WAR, and 2nd best 1st basemen (behind Votto). No problems here. He's been great. Defensively, he is still below replacement, but he is a beast at the plate.
2B: Weeks is the 18th best player in the NL and the best 2nd baseman. Can't argue with that. Even though it feels like he has improved his defense, he is actually WORSE than Fielder defensively based on his position, which is a little surprising.
SS: Yuni is fucking terrible. He is a -.4 WAR, which means he is WORSE than someone that you could walk onto any AAA team to get. He is fucking terrible on defense, where he is on pace to COST the Brewers 17 runs due to his defense this year (for comparison sake, Hart is predicted to SAVE 8 runs, and nobody would accuse him of being good). Batting wise, his OPS is .612 (league average is .703), and his OPS+ is 67 (100 is typically considered average, and adjusts his OPS number for ballpark factors). The bottom line is that he is fucking terrible in every aspect of the game. To top it off Roenicke has hit him FIFTH two recent games. If the Crew doesn't play someone else at SS for at least 1/2 of the rest of their games, they cannot possibly make the playoffs without being damn near perfect everywhere else. The solution is really not on the roster I don't think. Josh Wilson has been better than anyone else, but I think that is probably due to a small sample size than anything. However, as bad as Yuni has been, I can't imagine it would be too costly to get someone better. Even if that someone isn't great himself.
3B: McGehee has been worse than Yuni if that is even possible. The only reason it is hard to give up on him is because he had never been this bad before (whereas Yuni has always been bad). But this can't continue. Statistically he is arguably FAR worse than Yuni. Again, Wilson has been decent, but not decent enough to play both 3B and SS at the same time, and he probably isn't a starter. We need to get a 3B too probably. (Ed. Note: He hit a game winning, pinch hit 3 run homer two days ago. He still sucks).
LF: Braun is the 3rd best player in the NL (Behind Matt Kemp and Andrew McCutheon, again based on Wins Above Replacement). He is a stud. Interestingly, he is above replacement defensively, but I don't think WAR is a great indicator of defense especially in the outfield. I'm in love with him in a probably not sexual way.
CF: The Gomez/Plush combo is awesome to watch. Probably the two most exciting players to watch on the team, because you have no idea what is going to happen at any given moment. Gomez may overrun 3rd on the triple and break his neck falling into the dugout, or jump over the CF wall to make a catch. Plush may hit 5 triples (Plushdamentals!), or murder the home plate umpire. Offensively, there is no contest here. Plush has been nothing short of great offensively, while Gomez is nothing short of terrible. Defensively, Gomez has been spectacular. His defense is so good, that he nearly makes up for how bad he is offensively. For that reason, I don't have a huge problem with a 70/30 or so split (with Plush given the nod where there is a question). If I had to have one it would be Plush, but Gomez is a guy that can play some.
RF: Hart has been serviceable. It doesn't feel like he's been serviceable, because of how good he is when he is good, and because it looks like he's drunk and not trying when he plays bad.
C: Lucroy has struggled defensively, but he's been slightly above average offensively. For a catcher, I actually have some confidence in him when he bats, which is saying a lot. Also, banged Randy Wolf's wife.
Bench: Josh Wilson is the only bench player that adds anything to this team. Kottaras is a back-up catcher not named Wil Nieves, so he gets a pass, and occasionally runs into one, so he stays. Gamel has nothing else to do in the minors, and has gotten no legitimate shot yet, so he stays too. If you want to use a roster spot for a defensive replacement not named Carlos Gomez, Counsell has some value, but he should never face a major league pitcher again. Kotsay is simply awful in every aspect, and has obviously blackmailed Roenicke into his absurd amount of playing time (Including continuing to start in LF with Braun out and batting 5th for no reason). Brandon Boggs should be on this team in place of Kotsay. There is probably someone on the streets that is at least as good as Counsell.
Starting Pitching: I'm down with our starting pitching. There isn't one guy out of the five I would replace. Marcum has been tremendous, Yo, Wolf and Narveson have had a few hiccups, and a few gems, but overall, pretty good.
Greinke has been frustrating, but I'm here to tell you that he is pitching much better than it looks and than what his ERA (5.66) shows. I'm here to tell you that his strikeout per 9 innings of 11.72 is absurd. That his 1.84 walks per 9 innings is absurd. That he has been ridiculously unlucky. Case in point, there are two "advanced stats" that try to take the effects of fielding out of the equation when evaluating a pitcher. One stat is called BABIP, which stands for Batting Average for Balls in Play. The theory is that by taking BB/K/HR out of the equation, and measuring the results of the remaining balls hit into play over a long period of time, you can approximate if a pitcher is good/bad/or just unlucky, in a given year. Historically, the average BABIP is around .300, meaning about 30% of non-homeruns end up as hits, and most players will fall or rise towards the average in a given season. Greinke's career average is .309. This year it is .341, which is really high for him. What this means is that in the future, is that less balls should fall for hits than normal going forward. That or the the defense will completely fuck him over. But I tend to think positively (right?).
The other stat is xFIP or Expected Field Independent Pitching. Basically, xFIP takes the fielding component out of pitching entirely and only counts things a pitcher can control: walks, strikeouts, hit by pitches and home runs. Through a formula, it then calculates how good a pitcher is on an ERA scale based on what the ERA should look like if everything else (defense, timing) was average. It is widely known to be the best predictor of future performance for pitchers. In 2010, the MLB average was 4.23, which I think, if you know about ERA, is pretty average. Zack Greinke's xFIP in 2011 is 2.16, which is fucking incredible. How incredible? The second best starter in MLB is Roy Halladay, who has a 2.42. Cole Hamels is third with a 2.66. So Zack has been INCREDIBLY unlucky, and INCREDIBLY good so far. It just hasn't turned into results...yet. If these stats mean anything at all, its that Zack could be looking at a 2008 Sabathia-type second half.
Relief Pitching: I don't have any major complaints about anyone in the bully right now. The only complaint would be the manager's use, which I will get to in a minute. I think we are fine as currently constructed. Ax is a beast, rest of the bullpen is normally pretty above average.
Manager: Ron Roenicke is a mystery wrapped inside a conundrum. On one hand, I LOVE that he has a more aggressive attitude, at least insofar as he allows/encourages being aggressive on the bases. It has benefited us for the most part, and if nothing else is really fun to watch. He seems like a likable guy, and isn't a boring guy to listen to. It is possible that he feels likable, because for the most part, the team has been fairly successful. I imagine I would like him a lot less if the team was 5 games under .500.
My beef with Run-Run is the same beef I seem to have with all managers. I HATE his use of the bullpen, and his rationale behind it ("He's my 8th inning guy."). And I HATE his irrational love for certain players, when those players deserve no love (Kotsay, Yuni). The most infuriating thing to me is how he pitches Loe in every game no matter what (probably a slight exaggeration). Loe is clearly capable of getting guys out in the right situation, and has done it for long stretches at a time. But sometimes his sinker doesn't sink, or he goes up against a bunch of lefties in a row even though he clearly can't get left handers out. I'm sure bullpen management is harder than it looks, and the bullpen isn't going to win every game. But you can't give answers like: It is the 8th inning and Loe is my "8th inning guy", after you put him in against 3 straight left handers and they all hit the cover off the ball. He's gotta be flexible.
In the end, I'm on board with Ron for now. But mostly because they have won two in a row.
SUMMARY: After the research, I feel our biggest issue is the left side of the infield, McGehee and Yuni. Something has to be done there. I'm not advocating spending a ton of money/prospects on a blockbuster fix, because frankly I don't think we have either. However, I don't think we can continue to run Yuni and Casey out there for a majority of the games and survive. In Prince's last year, continuing on the "all in" movement requires us getting at least one player that doesn't suck, and plays 3B or SS, and can play every day. If we don't, I think this effort will be wasted.
Relief Pitching: I don't have any major complaints about anyone in the bully right now. The only complaint would be the manager's use, which I will get to in a minute. I think we are fine as currently constructed. Ax is a beast, rest of the bullpen is normally pretty above average.
Manager: Ron Roenicke is a mystery wrapped inside a conundrum. On one hand, I LOVE that he has a more aggressive attitude, at least insofar as he allows/encourages being aggressive on the bases. It has benefited us for the most part, and if nothing else is really fun to watch. He seems like a likable guy, and isn't a boring guy to listen to. It is possible that he feels likable, because for the most part, the team has been fairly successful. I imagine I would like him a lot less if the team was 5 games under .500.
My beef with Run-Run is the same beef I seem to have with all managers. I HATE his use of the bullpen, and his rationale behind it ("He's my 8th inning guy."). And I HATE his irrational love for certain players, when those players deserve no love (Kotsay, Yuni). The most infuriating thing to me is how he pitches Loe in every game no matter what (probably a slight exaggeration). Loe is clearly capable of getting guys out in the right situation, and has done it for long stretches at a time. But sometimes his sinker doesn't sink, or he goes up against a bunch of lefties in a row even though he clearly can't get left handers out. I'm sure bullpen management is harder than it looks, and the bullpen isn't going to win every game. But you can't give answers like: It is the 8th inning and Loe is my "8th inning guy", after you put him in against 3 straight left handers and they all hit the cover off the ball. He's gotta be flexible.
In the end, I'm on board with Ron for now. But mostly because they have won two in a row.
SUMMARY: After the research, I feel our biggest issue is the left side of the infield, McGehee and Yuni. Something has to be done there. I'm not advocating spending a ton of money/prospects on a blockbuster fix, because frankly I don't think we have either. However, I don't think we can continue to run Yuni and Casey out there for a majority of the games and survive. In Prince's last year, continuing on the "all in" movement requires us getting at least one player that doesn't suck, and plays 3B or SS, and can play every day. If we don't, I think this effort will be wasted.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Drunken Brewers/Twinkie Preview
In about 2 1/2 hours, I'm embarking on my most ambitious tailgating venture ever as I take off to Milwaukee to watch the Brewers take their second straight from the Twinks. It is my most ambitious ever because we are bringing a table. Otherwise it is the same as any other. Regardless, myself, Mrs. Juice, Sports Bottle, the soon to be Mrs. Sports Bottle, Richard and friends are going to get fucked up and enjoy the ridiculous weather. I put the over/under on number of innings I remember at 6.5. I put the over/under on inning Richard passes out at 7.5. Fun will be had by all.
One quick side note: U.S. is playing Mexico in some fake soccer tournament tonight. While I am aware of it, I would never make plans around watching it, or probably even think to watch it when it was on. I guess I'm in the minority though because according to ESPN.com, of like 129,000 voters, 39% are the most excited about this match vs. 4 other sporting events (MLB, NASCAR, CWS, Wimbledon). While that isn't exactly a murderers row, I'm SHOCKED that a relatively meaningless soccer match won.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Can't Fix Stupid
I sort of vowed to not blog about Favre ever again, because I feel like there was a clear "winner" in the whole shitstorm, but I'm still pissed about this.
It has been pretty well documented how I feel about Brett Favre. It has been well documented how I feel about the Green Bay Packers. After Aaron Rodgers put up one of the single best performances in Super Bowl history en route to a Super Bowl title, and Favre took a picture of his cock, texted it, and had his career ended by concussion, I had sort of assumed that it would be pretty impossible for someone to call themselves a Green Bay Packer fan, and like Favre more than you like Rodgers.
Well, three days ago I ran into this person. Two of them actually. The only thing that prevented me from throwing a drink in their face, or stabbing them, was the fact that they were my wife's relatives and I was at a family reunion. Someone actually sat there and told me, fucking seriously, that they liked Favre more, always will, and they actively DISliked Rodgers. I was fucking astounded. My wife also gets angry about this, so she nicely pushed the issue a little, while I nearly broke my own finger cracking my knuckles.
Here is what this dumb bitch said: "Favre is the greatest player ever.", "Rodgers is an arrogant asshole." "Rogers doesn't know how to keep it in his pants. I live in Green Bay, I would know".
These opinions apparently equal: Love Favre, Hate Rodgers. Fucking idiot. Not only are these statements irrelevant, they probably apply to BOTH. I can't really argue if you think Rodgers is arrogant. I personally think cocky is probably more accurate, or confident, but if you want to say arrogant, I will give you that. I don't know whether Rodgers "keeps it in his pants" (By the way, I also live in Green Bay, which doesn't give you inside knowledge of Packer players and their sex lives. And trust me when I tell you this chick doesn't have friends hot enough to be in the same room as a Packer player.), but if I was him, (single, rich) I wouldn't either. Favre is pretty clearly not the greatest player (an argument could have been made he is among the greatest Packers, until the last three years happened). Favre's INability to "keep it in his pants" was both legendary in Green Bay, and evident NOW.
Which is really why I have a problem with this. You are really going to pick Favre over Rodgers on fucking MORAL ground, after what Favre did to the city, franchise, fans, and Jenn Sterger??? And after Rodgers fairly quietly went about winning a motherfucking Super Bowl THIS YEAR? I don't get it. But feel free to take your ugly ass kids and dress them up in fucking Favre gear for fucking school pictures (for real) every year. I hope someone kicks their asses, you fucking rotten toothed fat bitch.
THE END
It has been pretty well documented how I feel about Brett Favre. It has been well documented how I feel about the Green Bay Packers. After Aaron Rodgers put up one of the single best performances in Super Bowl history en route to a Super Bowl title, and Favre took a picture of his cock, texted it, and had his career ended by concussion, I had sort of assumed that it would be pretty impossible for someone to call themselves a Green Bay Packer fan, and like Favre more than you like Rodgers.
Well, three days ago I ran into this person. Two of them actually. The only thing that prevented me from throwing a drink in their face, or stabbing them, was the fact that they were my wife's relatives and I was at a family reunion. Someone actually sat there and told me, fucking seriously, that they liked Favre more, always will, and they actively DISliked Rodgers. I was fucking astounded. My wife also gets angry about this, so she nicely pushed the issue a little, while I nearly broke my own finger cracking my knuckles.
Here is what this dumb bitch said: "Favre is the greatest player ever.", "Rodgers is an arrogant asshole." "Rogers doesn't know how to keep it in his pants. I live in Green Bay, I would know".
These opinions apparently equal: Love Favre, Hate Rodgers. Fucking idiot. Not only are these statements irrelevant, they probably apply to BOTH. I can't really argue if you think Rodgers is arrogant. I personally think cocky is probably more accurate, or confident, but if you want to say arrogant, I will give you that. I don't know whether Rodgers "keeps it in his pants" (By the way, I also live in Green Bay, which doesn't give you inside knowledge of Packer players and their sex lives. And trust me when I tell you this chick doesn't have friends hot enough to be in the same room as a Packer player.), but if I was him, (single, rich) I wouldn't either. Favre is pretty clearly not the greatest player (an argument could have been made he is among the greatest Packers, until the last three years happened). Favre's INability to "keep it in his pants" was both legendary in Green Bay, and evident NOW.
Which is really why I have a problem with this. You are really going to pick Favre over Rodgers on fucking MORAL ground, after what Favre did to the city, franchise, fans, and Jenn Sterger??? And after Rodgers fairly quietly went about winning a motherfucking Super Bowl THIS YEAR? I don't get it. But feel free to take your ugly ass kids and dress them up in fucking Favre gear for fucking school pictures (for real) every year. I hope someone kicks their asses, you fucking rotten toothed fat bitch.
THE END
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Dear Diary
Hi. It has been awhile. I've been busy tweeting everything that comes to mind before I have time or the desire to blog anything. Blogging is much more fun when ANYONE else joins in. And I've been kind of busy. If you are at all interested in anything I say, you should probably follow me on twitter @Juicelaw_WI.
I had to chime in on a few things that were to cumbersome to tweet. I went to a shitty wedding last night. First of all, Friday weddings are fucking rude. Second, if I'm not IN the wedding, or didn't go to college with the person who is getting married (and hence plan to get super fucked up), weddings are terrible. This particular wedding was a wife's co-worker whom I barely know. Anyway, food was good, conversation was awkward, blah blah blah. Beer was free but the keg was all fucked up so you ended up with 80% foam no matter what you did, but I wasn't drinking much anyway, as I was designated driver. What was insane was the music. The DJ was awful. He literally had a fucking pile of something called COMPACT DISCS. I was pretty certain that this wasn't Russia or 1998, so I had no fucking idea what he was doing. There was like a 40 second dead spot between every song as he loaded up his Discman or whatever the fuck he was doing. He played every shitty wedding song you can imagine, plus Nickelback. But for some reason he played "Axel F" aka the Beverly Hills Cop theme song, which was great, but had no words and confused the multiple people a) in cowboy hats and b) that had never heard of Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, and the DJ's name was "Gizmo" which led me to make about 743 "Gremlins" jokes. (Oh! Oh! Someone got the DJ wet! Fuck! Is it midnight already? Who fed the fucking DJ!) That was the best part of the wedding. That is all, I just had to get that off my chest because it was awkward.
OTHER BULLETTY POINTY THINGS
-Brewers are finding out real quick that the AL fucking sucks to play against when you have an NL roster. Doesn't help when Marcum gets hurt in the first. I'm honestly hoping to get one here. In case you are wondering, my preseason prediction had the Crew 2 games ahead of where they currently sit. I'm not worried, I'm just saying. Also, Jonathan Lucroy fucked Randy Wolf's wife.
-Headed to Brew City next Saturday to get drunk with Sports Bottle and to watch the Crew beat the Twins.
-The Packers Super Bowl rings are gigantic.
-Went to a country concert at Lambeau last weekend. It was fun. My neighbor's wife got punched in the face by a Hooter's girl and my brother in-law got picked up by a police officer while trying to walk the 8 miles from Lambeau to my house. I would totally do it again.
I had to chime in on a few things that were to cumbersome to tweet. I went to a shitty wedding last night. First of all, Friday weddings are fucking rude. Second, if I'm not IN the wedding, or didn't go to college with the person who is getting married (and hence plan to get super fucked up), weddings are terrible. This particular wedding was a wife's co-worker whom I barely know. Anyway, food was good, conversation was awkward, blah blah blah. Beer was free but the keg was all fucked up so you ended up with 80% foam no matter what you did, but I wasn't drinking much anyway, as I was designated driver. What was insane was the music. The DJ was awful. He literally had a fucking pile of something called COMPACT DISCS. I was pretty certain that this wasn't Russia or 1998, so I had no fucking idea what he was doing. There was like a 40 second dead spot between every song as he loaded up his Discman or whatever the fuck he was doing. He played every shitty wedding song you can imagine, plus Nickelback. But for some reason he played "Axel F" aka the Beverly Hills Cop theme song, which was great, but had no words and confused the multiple people a) in cowboy hats and b) that had never heard of Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, and the DJ's name was "Gizmo" which led me to make about 743 "Gremlins" jokes. (Oh! Oh! Someone got the DJ wet! Fuck! Is it midnight already? Who fed the fucking DJ!) That was the best part of the wedding. That is all, I just had to get that off my chest because it was awkward.
OTHER BULLETTY POINTY THINGS
-Brewers are finding out real quick that the AL fucking sucks to play against when you have an NL roster. Doesn't help when Marcum gets hurt in the first. I'm honestly hoping to get one here. In case you are wondering, my preseason prediction had the Crew 2 games ahead of where they currently sit. I'm not worried, I'm just saying. Also, Jonathan Lucroy fucked Randy Wolf's wife.
-Headed to Brew City next Saturday to get drunk with Sports Bottle and to watch the Crew beat the Twins.
-The Packers Super Bowl rings are gigantic.
-Went to a country concert at Lambeau last weekend. It was fun. My neighbor's wife got punched in the face by a Hooter's girl and my brother in-law got picked up by a police officer while trying to walk the 8 miles from Lambeau to my house. I would totally do it again.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Whoa.
This morning I had a post planned out in my mind based on my work at a beer stand last night. Then I open up my laptop to find that The Vest has resigned amid the shitstorm at Ohio State. It isn't that often that anything makes you stop and say "Whoa." in sports anymore. But the resignation of one of the most famous football coaches at one of the biggest universities in the country will make you do that. My sincerest hope is that a whole bunch of players go down with him and that Ohio St needs a year or two to reload. Because Buckeyes are terrible human beings. That is all.
What I was going to post about today is how people are assholes. This shouldn't come as much of a surprise. If you've dealt with anything resembling a human in your lifetime, you will realize that people are assholes. Also, they are fucking cheap. I never considered myself a big spender. In the grand scheme of things, I would probably say that I lean towards being cheap because that is how I was brought up. However, after last night, my eyes have been open to cheap, inconsiderate assholes, and I have gained a greater appreciation for bartenders.
Last night I bartended at a festival in the city I live in. I was doing it for charity. I didn't get paid (other than I got a little free food and all the beer I wanted to drink. And I was too busy to drink much). All tips went to charity. My wife and I both donated six hours of time on a beautiful holiday weekend to help raise some money. And we were BUSY. Really running our asses off all night. When I say "bartend", I mean I opened cans of beer, and poured tap beer. I wasn't making mixers or anything. So anyway, when I order a drink at a bar. Whether that is at a festival or a bar, I tip. I had assumed this was a normal response. If my beer is $3.50, and I give a $5, I will usually leave the change as a tip. At the very least I would leave a $1 every time I order a drink. I had assumed that was common courtesy. But I guess not. I am willing to bet that I probably served 500 or so beers myself last night. I bet 10 people tipped. Fucking ridiculous. Just mind-boggling to me. I suppose this means that these people are like this everywhere, and that myself and my ilk are generally speaking, "big tippers". Anyway, people are cheap dicks.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that despite the large garbage barrels, which were emptied about every 10 minutes. I had to don rubber gloves and pick up thousands of empty beer cans because the people that didn't tip couldn't be troubled to throw away their own fucking garbage.
As for my new found respect for bartenders. People are impatient dicks. It is impossible to know as a bartender to know who was "there first" when there is hundreds of people waving cash at you for five straight hours. I'm not going to give bartenders attitude any more. I'm not going to be that bitch that says "Um, Hellllloooooo!!! Is nobody serving this line or what????" My response? "I don't see any lines lady, I will get to you in a minute." Then I purposely go to someone else next. Did I mention I got almost no tips?
MOVIE REVIEWS FOR MOVIES YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY SEEN
"The Fighter": Pretty awesome. I don't think Mark Wahlberg has been in a bad movie. If Christian Bale has, I can't recall that either. Definitely should see it if you haven't. Also, no boxing movie has ever sucked.
"No Strings Attached": A chickflick special! As chick flicks go, it could've been worse. The premise is stupid, but there were moments that made me chuckle. I don't hate Ashton Kutcher even though I probably should. And Queen Amidala is in it. If your wife/girlfriend is going to force you to watch a shitty movie, you could do worse.
DRINK OF THE WEEKEND
Large plastic cups filled with Bicardi Limon and Sprite.
ANTI-DRINK OF THE WEEKEND
MGD 64 Lemonade. Fucking terrible.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Great Tickets In Theory
As many of you may have heard, I received my 2011-12 Green Bay Packer Ticket assignments earlier this week. If I was given the choice of one game, I would've wanted to experience the home opener against the Saints, in order to see what kind of party the NFL put on, and to see the additional pageantry of the opening game after a Super Bowl win. Well, I may have gotten my wish, as I was notified that I will be receiving tickets to the Saints game, as well as the Lions game on New Years Day (or as I am going to call it, the Cold As Shit Bowl, which may actually be a college bowl game).
The concern of course, is that I receive what is probably the most interesting game on the schedule (the Bears game being the other obvious great game on paper) and the game will not be played. Or the schedule gets messed up in some fashion, and it turns into "just a game" against the Saints and not a super-duper special game. Which would fucking blow.
I'm not one of those people that would kill myself without the NFL (although I may just drink a gallon of vodka to fill in those 10 hours or so of football every Sunday, which may lead to an earlier death), but I'm also not one that is going to try to ignore it because they are all greedy assholes who don't care about me.
Of course they don't care about me. Do movie producers care about me? Do restaurant owners care about me? Do airlines care about me? Oil companies? Hotel operators? Bar owners? Postal workers? My doctors? Insurance carriers? I guess what I'm trying to say is that at the end of the day, the only people that truly give a shit about you, your thoughts, your money, etc., are your friends and family. Gigantic corporations don't care what you think, because they provide a product or service that nobody else does. In this case, there isn't another NFL. The idea that caring or not caring about the lockout is going to fix anything or change anyone's mind is ludicrous. I am personally not enabling anything. Sure, collectively I may be part of the problem, but the only way to truly affect a billion dollar business would be for EVERYONE to not have anything to do with the NFL until they fix the labor issues, and THEN to not embrace them when they came back. And this is impossible. Unless or until there is somewhere else to get the Green Bay Packers. And there is not. Nothing is going to change regardless of what I do.
I guess what I'm saying in rambling, incoherent fashion is that begging the NFL to come back is not the wrong thing to do if that is how you feel. And if you think that not caring is the right thing for you, go for it. But now that I've got these sweet ass tickets, and and the lockout is hitting closer to home, that is all I really want. So c'mon baby, come home to daddy.
The concern of course, is that I receive what is probably the most interesting game on the schedule (the Bears game being the other obvious great game on paper) and the game will not be played. Or the schedule gets messed up in some fashion, and it turns into "just a game" against the Saints and not a super-duper special game. Which would fucking blow.
I'm not one of those people that would kill myself without the NFL (although I may just drink a gallon of vodka to fill in those 10 hours or so of football every Sunday, which may lead to an earlier death), but I'm also not one that is going to try to ignore it because they are all greedy assholes who don't care about me.
Of course they don't care about me. Do movie producers care about me? Do restaurant owners care about me? Do airlines care about me? Oil companies? Hotel operators? Bar owners? Postal workers? My doctors? Insurance carriers? I guess what I'm trying to say is that at the end of the day, the only people that truly give a shit about you, your thoughts, your money, etc., are your friends and family. Gigantic corporations don't care what you think, because they provide a product or service that nobody else does. In this case, there isn't another NFL. The idea that caring or not caring about the lockout is going to fix anything or change anyone's mind is ludicrous. I am personally not enabling anything. Sure, collectively I may be part of the problem, but the only way to truly affect a billion dollar business would be for EVERYONE to not have anything to do with the NFL until they fix the labor issues, and THEN to not embrace them when they came back. And this is impossible. Unless or until there is somewhere else to get the Green Bay Packers. And there is not. Nothing is going to change regardless of what I do.
I guess what I'm saying in rambling, incoherent fashion is that begging the NFL to come back is not the wrong thing to do if that is how you feel. And if you think that not caring is the right thing for you, go for it. But now that I've got these sweet ass tickets, and and the lockout is hitting closer to home, that is all I really want. So c'mon baby, come home to daddy.
BREW CREW HANGOVER
Sweet walk-off suicide squeeze yesterday.
PREDICTED RECORD: 31-21
ACTUAL RECORD: 28-24
VERDICT: Remain calm.
VACATION
I'm headed back to Omaha on Thursday for the first time in 5 years. Going to check out some of our old favorite restaurants, likely hook up with old pals and get drunk like it's 2006. Should be fun. Driving not so much, but it will definitely bring back happy memories. Not exactly a two week trip to Europe but these things happen when you have crippling student loan debt.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Brew Crew Hangover: Sweep Edition
I'm going to start a new feature here (until I stop blogging for like a month again). I'm going to tell you how many wins the Brewers have compared to how many I expected them to have preseason, then I'm going to tell you if you should remain calm, panic, or celebrate.
Predicted Record: 27-20
Actual Record: 24-23
Verdict: Remain Calm
Pretty close to what I expected, even with the peaks and valleys. Going to have to score some runs more consistently, and going to have to win more on the road. (ED NOTE: Hart and Fielder just CRUSHED two balls to dead center in the first. 3-0 Crew).
OTHER BREWER RELATED NEWS
Erick Almonte (on the 7-day DL with a concussion because he got hit in the head with a batted ball during BP), got hit in the face with a throw during BP. Man, that SUCKS.
RANT ON SPORTS TALK RADIO
I love me some sports talk radio. But is it too much to ask that you have any fucking idea what you are talking about? How is it that I can work 50-ish hours a week, maintain a healthy relationship, exercise on once in a while, make love to a microbrew on occasion, and play what I would consider to be an above average amount of video games, and STILL know more that guys whose JOB it is to know things about sports. For example, and this is hardly a felonious offense, but it was merely the latest. On the "Green and Gold Today" on ESPN Milwaukee with Bear's favorite writer Jason Wilde, and Bill Johnson, they were discussing the lockout, because let's face it, there isn't anything else to talk about. The topic was "What will people follow if there is no NFL?" Baseball, college football, UFL, etc. Typical, generic sports talk topic. Well, I'm not going to complain about the topic, because I write a blog like twice a month and have a hard time coming up with new things to write. It is pretty hard to talk for three hours. Alas, when discussing college football, one said to the other "Has there been any talk of playing college games on Sunday if there is no NFL?" The response "I'm not sure."
Fucking. Seriously. Is this really THAT obscure of a topic? My point is, that I shouldn't know a tremendous amount more than you do about a sports topic, when you talk about sports every day and get paid for it. In this particular case, if it was a baseball or golf question, I would give them a slight pass, because at least this show is football oriented. But do you really mean to tell me that they don't follow ANYTHING but Green Bay Packer football? Even in their free time? I just can't accept that as fact. And these are two relatively good radio guys. There are far worse example. I don't know, maybe I just follow sports closer than most. If that is true, I'm available to host any radio show that anyone wants. And I will do it for half of what the current guy gets paid. I have absolutely no idea why I just wrote 200 words about this.
Predicted Record: 27-20
Actual Record: 24-23
Verdict: Remain Calm
Pretty close to what I expected, even with the peaks and valleys. Going to have to score some runs more consistently, and going to have to win more on the road. (ED NOTE: Hart and Fielder just CRUSHED two balls to dead center in the first. 3-0 Crew).
OTHER BREWER RELATED NEWS
Erick Almonte (on the 7-day DL with a concussion because he got hit in the head with a batted ball during BP), got hit in the face with a throw during BP. Man, that SUCKS.
RANT ON SPORTS TALK RADIO
I love me some sports talk radio. But is it too much to ask that you have any fucking idea what you are talking about? How is it that I can work 50-ish hours a week, maintain a healthy relationship, exercise on once in a while, make love to a microbrew on occasion, and play what I would consider to be an above average amount of video games, and STILL know more that guys whose JOB it is to know things about sports. For example, and this is hardly a felonious offense, but it was merely the latest. On the "Green and Gold Today" on ESPN Milwaukee with Bear's favorite writer Jason Wilde, and Bill Johnson, they were discussing the lockout, because let's face it, there isn't anything else to talk about. The topic was "What will people follow if there is no NFL?" Baseball, college football, UFL, etc. Typical, generic sports talk topic. Well, I'm not going to complain about the topic, because I write a blog like twice a month and have a hard time coming up with new things to write. It is pretty hard to talk for three hours. Alas, when discussing college football, one said to the other "Has there been any talk of playing college games on Sunday if there is no NFL?" The response "I'm not sure."
Fucking. Seriously. Is this really THAT obscure of a topic? My point is, that I shouldn't know a tremendous amount more than you do about a sports topic, when you talk about sports every day and get paid for it. In this particular case, if it was a baseball or golf question, I would give them a slight pass, because at least this show is football oriented. But do you really mean to tell me that they don't follow ANYTHING but Green Bay Packer football? Even in their free time? I just can't accept that as fact. And these are two relatively good radio guys. There are far worse example. I don't know, maybe I just follow sports closer than most. If that is true, I'm available to host any radio show that anyone wants. And I will do it for half of what the current guy gets paid. I have absolutely no idea why I just wrote 200 words about this.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Invisible Brew Crew Hangover--Post-Rapture Edition
Interesting question: If the Brewers play the Rockies on a Saturday night in front of a sellout crowd, but arcane and preposterous MLB blackout rules prevent anyone from seeing it that wasn't there, did it really happen? (takes a hit off of a spliff) That shit is DEEP. Really though, it is 2002. We should be able to watch whatever game we fucking want and not be force-fed some Cubs-RedSox bullshit. In case anyone didn't see any of that last night, the teams wore what I assume were 1918 throwbacks. The Red Sox wore pure white unis and hats, with no logos of any type. It was awkward. The Cubs had grey unis with blue pinstripes. The hats were logo-less. The jerseys had the wierd logo that looked like a rectangle with UBS written in it. Upon further review it was a rectangular C wrapped around the other letter. It was dumb. Also upon further review, these are two of the three douchiest fan bases in baseball (Yankees being the third.)
Anyway, the Crew did in fact play, and defeat the Rocks thanks to what appeared by all accounts to be a sweet pitching performance from Shaun Marcum. I'm aware of this thanks to my Blackberry and MLB Network. I'm far too lazy to listen to the game on the radio while at home due to lack of a decent radio setup/and comfortable/sensible place to listen. Today, the Crew goes for a sweep. Which would be pretty impressive considering the Rocks are putting Ubaldo on the mound. However, Ubaldo is doing his best Zack Greinke impression this season (i.e. ERA hovering around 6), so all is not lost. I will definitely be watching/napping despite the fact that it is 70 and sunny right now on my patio. It is supposed to rain again today though, and clearly De Pere, WI is actually Seattle, WA.
GOLF
Speaking of Seattle, I tried to golf yesterday. We made it all the way to the 4th hole before it started to rain, and ended up having to take a rain check for the back nine because it was pouring. Kept up my stellar 55 average on 9-holes. I would guess I will probably have my tour card by August.
NBA
Nice game last night. That is about all I got on it. I will watch Bulls-Heat when and if it is convenient tonight.
RAPTURE
I'm pretty excited to hear what excuse the rapture asshole guy has for why he "miscalculated", and how he is going to explain away the numerous sex-related felonies he committed yesterday in the name of (SportsBottle's) god.
TWITTER
If you aren't on twitter, and aren't following me, you are missing me spitting hot fire. Sign up and follow me at@ juicelaw_WI. I would describe it as random one-liners that I may have put into a blog post if I blogged more often. If you are interested in Bear live-tweeting his experiences inside of a bar in River Falls, WI, which generally includes completely random people that I don't know tweeting back to him from the next stool, you should follow him at @bearflash. If you want to read UCSB616 get into verbal jousting over the lockout with respected journalists, active players and b-list celebrities, follow him at @UCSB616. If you want to continue to read nothing from Twinkie, you should follow him at....well fuck, I don't even know his Twitter handle because he doesn't use it.
I've got to admit that I enjoy Twitter far more than I ever expected. I like it better than Facebook because I don't have to censor myself. Because censorship is bullshit.
Anyway, the Crew did in fact play, and defeat the Rocks thanks to what appeared by all accounts to be a sweet pitching performance from Shaun Marcum. I'm aware of this thanks to my Blackberry and MLB Network. I'm far too lazy to listen to the game on the radio while at home due to lack of a decent radio setup/and comfortable/sensible place to listen. Today, the Crew goes for a sweep. Which would be pretty impressive considering the Rocks are putting Ubaldo on the mound. However, Ubaldo is doing his best Zack Greinke impression this season (i.e. ERA hovering around 6), so all is not lost. I will definitely be watching/napping despite the fact that it is 70 and sunny right now on my patio. It is supposed to rain again today though, and clearly De Pere, WI is actually Seattle, WA.
GOLF
Speaking of Seattle, I tried to golf yesterday. We made it all the way to the 4th hole before it started to rain, and ended up having to take a rain check for the back nine because it was pouring. Kept up my stellar 55 average on 9-holes. I would guess I will probably have my tour card by August.
NBA
Nice game last night. That is about all I got on it. I will watch Bulls-Heat when and if it is convenient tonight.
RAPTURE
I'm pretty excited to hear what excuse the rapture asshole guy has for why he "miscalculated", and how he is going to explain away the numerous sex-related felonies he committed yesterday in the name of (SportsBottle's) god.
If you aren't on twitter, and aren't following me, you are missing me spitting hot fire. Sign up and follow me at@ juicelaw_WI. I would describe it as random one-liners that I may have put into a blog post if I blogged more often. If you are interested in Bear live-tweeting his experiences inside of a bar in River Falls, WI, which generally includes completely random people that I don't know tweeting back to him from the next stool, you should follow him at @bearflash. If you want to read UCSB616 get into verbal jousting over the lockout with respected journalists, active players and b-list celebrities, follow him at @UCSB616. If you want to continue to read nothing from Twinkie, you should follow him at....well fuck, I don't even know his Twitter handle because he doesn't use it.
I've got to admit that I enjoy Twitter far more than I ever expected. I like it better than Facebook because I don't have to censor myself. Because censorship is bullshit.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Reviewz
Wanted to chime in quick on a few topics while my neighbor stands next to his pickup truck in his jorts enjoying a Busch Light.
BREWERS
Truthfully, I'm not that disappointed with the Brewers. I just took a look at the schedule. I predicted preseason that they would probably win around 87 games, and be deep in the hunt. Of course, I'm an idiot. Anyway, based on my predictions, I have them at 24 wins after last night's game. They now have 21 wins. So they are perhaps three games worse than I had hoped. But there are like 120 games left. They will go on a random 7 game winning streak at some point, and get right back where they should be. But they gotta stop getting shut out. Pretty frustrating. Thankfully they come home and aren't playing at 1 a.m. starting tonight.
My take aways so far: Ryan Braun is my hero (although the recent shoulder injury is concerning), Zach Greinke is fun as hell to watch pitch (until he gets randomly hammered for 5 runs when he runs out of gas) and Prince is still fat. I love/hate watching Carlos Gomez turn a double into a triple, and then overrun third base and get tagged out, or make a cartwheel diving catch in center, and then strike out on a pitch 7 feet outside. Human roller coaster. Corey Hart got fat. Looking forward to the two extremely drunk Brewer games I've got planned in late June/early July.
NBA
I've actually watched almost every second of three conference finals games, and the 4th qtr of Game 2 of Mavs-Thunder. Game 2 of Heat-Bulls actually got the wife's seal of approval to be watched. And she HATES the NBA. I'm just saying that it has been entertaining.
MOVIE REVIEW
"Bridesmaids". Actually pretty good. I laughed really hard quite a number of times. It isn't quite the female version of the Hangover, but it is worth seeing. At this point, I don't think I would ever recommend seeing any movie at the theater. Seriously, it cost us like $40 for two of us to go. You could rent FORTY fucking movies from RedBox. I like going to the movies once in awhile, but if I'm spending $40 I'd rather go out to eat. I would definitely watch this at some point though. The fat chick is really, really funny.
BEERS OF THE MOMENT
"Thunder River Amber Ale". It is good. It is an amber ale and they are really hard to fuck up. What is odd is that after further review, Thunder River is brewed by "Green Bay Brewing Company", which is actually the same as Hinterland, which is much more expensive. Either way it was good.
"Somersault" by New Belgium. Pretty standard pale-ish ale with some citrusy type flavor. It was good. No complaints.
BREWERS
Truthfully, I'm not that disappointed with the Brewers. I just took a look at the schedule. I predicted preseason that they would probably win around 87 games, and be deep in the hunt. Of course, I'm an idiot. Anyway, based on my predictions, I have them at 24 wins after last night's game. They now have 21 wins. So they are perhaps three games worse than I had hoped. But there are like 120 games left. They will go on a random 7 game winning streak at some point, and get right back where they should be. But they gotta stop getting shut out. Pretty frustrating. Thankfully they come home and aren't playing at 1 a.m. starting tonight.
My take aways so far: Ryan Braun is my hero (although the recent shoulder injury is concerning), Zach Greinke is fun as hell to watch pitch (until he gets randomly hammered for 5 runs when he runs out of gas) and Prince is still fat. I love/hate watching Carlos Gomez turn a double into a triple, and then overrun third base and get tagged out, or make a cartwheel diving catch in center, and then strike out on a pitch 7 feet outside. Human roller coaster. Corey Hart got fat. Looking forward to the two extremely drunk Brewer games I've got planned in late June/early July.
NBA
I've actually watched almost every second of three conference finals games, and the 4th qtr of Game 2 of Mavs-Thunder. Game 2 of Heat-Bulls actually got the wife's seal of approval to be watched. And she HATES the NBA. I'm just saying that it has been entertaining.
MOVIE REVIEW
"Bridesmaids". Actually pretty good. I laughed really hard quite a number of times. It isn't quite the female version of the Hangover, but it is worth seeing. At this point, I don't think I would ever recommend seeing any movie at the theater. Seriously, it cost us like $40 for two of us to go. You could rent FORTY fucking movies from RedBox. I like going to the movies once in awhile, but if I'm spending $40 I'd rather go out to eat. I would definitely watch this at some point though. The fat chick is really, really funny.
BEERS OF THE MOMENT
"Thunder River Amber Ale". It is good. It is an amber ale and they are really hard to fuck up. What is odd is that after further review, Thunder River is brewed by "Green Bay Brewing Company", which is actually the same as Hinterland, which is much more expensive. Either way it was good.
"Somersault" by New Belgium. Pretty standard pale-ish ale with some citrusy type flavor. It was good. No complaints.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
This Is An Emergency Blog Post
My wife left me to go to a conference. I'm sitting home alone. A few weeks ago I recorded "Masters of the Universe" on my DVR. I was a huge He-Man fan growing up in the 80's, and I had never seen the movie. Plus, Dolph Lundgren plays He-Man. Anyways, I'm sitting here watching it, and it is so absurd that I needed to start a sort of live blog on it.
SUMMARY OF THE FIRST 52 MINUTES
-He-Man is played by Dolph Lundgren, which is awesome.
-Skelator, who is the main bad guy, has the Sorceress held hostage. Also, he is clearly wearing a bad rubber mask.
-Perhaps I don't recall He-Man as well as I thought, but there are dudes with lasers everywhere.
-Oh, and there is some kind of space portal deal that sent He-Man and friends to Earth. Hilarity ensues. Oh, and Courtney Cox is the main human character.
BACK TO PRESENT
-A cop, played by the guy who plays the asshole principal in Back to the Future, takes the "cosmic key", which is the thing that lets them travel around space. He-Man shows up in his briefs and giant sword at a record store, because everyone in present day earth thinks it is a "synthesizer". Also, it is 1987.
-"Good guys" hide in a record store (again, 1987) when the bad guys show up. Also, the bad guys are just storm troopers dressed in black suits. This movie is a "Star Wars" ripoff. It is probably the same actors shooting the lasers.
-The guns themselves look like the Lazer Tag guns from the 80s.
-There is a troll looking thing.
-Cop is the asshole guy that doesn't understand the fact that there are aliens shooting fucking laser beams, and tries to threaten Courtney Cox's boyfriend with "850 years in prison", then tackles him to try to take his gun even though He-Man was clear what he wanted to happen. No doubt the asshole cop is going to fuck this up.
-Skelator's main bitch (Evil-Lyn) disguised herself to look like Courtney Cox's dead mother and asks for the cosmic key. Courtney Cox was a dumb bitch and fell for it. Oh oh!
-Oh shit. Skelator just showed up in 1987 with like 10,000 storm troopers and a hover-craft/throne thing with a bunch of blinky lights on it!
-By the way, Skelator's bitch is named Evil-Lyn. And she's evil.
-Some of the storm troopers have flying surfboards now!
-I think they stole the troll guy from "Leprechaun" or "Willow".
-Now He-Man is on a flying surfboard, and the special effects are horrendous.
-I just realized that there has been about a half an hour laser gun-fight in the streets of this town, and there hasn't been a single citizen to be seen other than Courtney Cox, her boyfriend and the cop.
-Oh shit, He-Man just swooped in and grabbed the key from that bitch. The chopped a stormtrooper in half with his sword.
-The good guy chick that was with He-Man looks exactly like the fighting whore chick from "Total Recall". I just imdb'd her. She was not in Total Recall. But she was in The Last Boy Scout.
-Skelator is just chillin on his hovercraft. Just told He-Man to join him and save his friends, or die with them. And he does. I bet Skelator kills them anyway. Word? He didn't kill them. Weird.
-Skelator, He-Man and the million storm troopers go through their black hole thing back to Eternia. The others are stuck in 1987.
-The troll and Courtney Cox's boyfriend are using a keyboard to fix the cosmic key because the cosmic key uses keyboard sounds to open up black holes to other planets.
-Skelator is torturing He-Man with a laser whip.
-Skelator is so obviously Emporer Palpatine.
-Some shit happened with Skelator and now he is wearing some kind of mask/crown thing that looks like the hindu god thing (can't think of the name). And his eyes are glowing yellow. Pretty bad ass I guess.
-The keyboard thing worked and now the rest of the good guys (and the cop) end up in Skelator's throne room.
-Skelator tries to kill He-Man with a lightning bolt, and He-Man just leans away and Skelator zaps his chains off. Then as Skelator keeps trying to shoot lightning bolts, He-Man keeps pulling storm troopers in front of them.
-I had Topperstix for dinner.
-For the first time, He-Man grabs his sword and says "I have the power!" And Skelator just kind of watches. Now, lights went out save for a random spotlight that Skelator keeps nearby to randomly change colors, and the two have their final battle. Somehow all the storm troopers and good guys stop fighting and disappear. They totally, absofuckinglutely copied the Skywalker/Vader light saber fight, and then copied the scene where Obi-Wan(?) falls down the giant hole and screams all the way down to his death. Might have been someone else, but definitely a Star Wars scene.
-So Skelator is dead, all is safe. Everyone give their good byes. The cop decides he is just going to stay in Eternia and live in Castle Greyskull. And he picked up some random hot chick. Why not? I guess he will just eat alien food and his human body will adjust.
-And Courtney Cox wakes up in her bed. Wearing a nightgown that goes from her neck to her ankles and is long sleeved. And her parents are suddenly alive even though they died in a plane crash.
The End. You know? Maybe it wasn't that bad. It was cheesy. But throw on a 1987 movie and find one that isn't cheesy as shit. Especially when it actually took place in 1987. I'd never watch it again, and I wouldn't necessarily recommend that you waste an hour and a half either. That was fun I guess.
SUMMARY OF THE FIRST 52 MINUTES
-He-Man is played by Dolph Lundgren, which is awesome.
-Skelator, who is the main bad guy, has the Sorceress held hostage. Also, he is clearly wearing a bad rubber mask.
-Perhaps I don't recall He-Man as well as I thought, but there are dudes with lasers everywhere.
-Oh, and there is some kind of space portal deal that sent He-Man and friends to Earth. Hilarity ensues. Oh, and Courtney Cox is the main human character.
BACK TO PRESENT
-A cop, played by the guy who plays the asshole principal in Back to the Future, takes the "cosmic key", which is the thing that lets them travel around space. He-Man shows up in his briefs and giant sword at a record store, because everyone in present day earth thinks it is a "synthesizer". Also, it is 1987.
-"Good guys" hide in a record store (again, 1987) when the bad guys show up. Also, the bad guys are just storm troopers dressed in black suits. This movie is a "Star Wars" ripoff. It is probably the same actors shooting the lasers.
-The guns themselves look like the Lazer Tag guns from the 80s.
-There is a troll looking thing.
-Cop is the asshole guy that doesn't understand the fact that there are aliens shooting fucking laser beams, and tries to threaten Courtney Cox's boyfriend with "850 years in prison", then tackles him to try to take his gun even though He-Man was clear what he wanted to happen. No doubt the asshole cop is going to fuck this up.
-Skelator's main bitch (Evil-Lyn) disguised herself to look like Courtney Cox's dead mother and asks for the cosmic key. Courtney Cox was a dumb bitch and fell for it. Oh oh!
-Oh shit. Skelator just showed up in 1987 with like 10,000 storm troopers and a hover-craft/throne thing with a bunch of blinky lights on it!
-By the way, Skelator's bitch is named Evil-Lyn. And she's evil.
-Some of the storm troopers have flying surfboards now!
-I think they stole the troll guy from "Leprechaun" or "Willow".
-Now He-Man is on a flying surfboard, and the special effects are horrendous.
-I just realized that there has been about a half an hour laser gun-fight in the streets of this town, and there hasn't been a single citizen to be seen other than Courtney Cox, her boyfriend and the cop.
-Oh shit, He-Man just swooped in and grabbed the key from that bitch. The chopped a stormtrooper in half with his sword.
-The good guy chick that was with He-Man looks exactly like the fighting whore chick from "Total Recall". I just imdb'd her. She was not in Total Recall. But she was in The Last Boy Scout.
-Skelator is just chillin on his hovercraft. Just told He-Man to join him and save his friends, or die with them. And he does. I bet Skelator kills them anyway. Word? He didn't kill them. Weird.
-Skelator, He-Man and the million storm troopers go through their black hole thing back to Eternia. The others are stuck in 1987.
-The troll and Courtney Cox's boyfriend are using a keyboard to fix the cosmic key because the cosmic key uses keyboard sounds to open up black holes to other planets.
-Skelator is torturing He-Man with a laser whip.
-Skelator is so obviously Emporer Palpatine.
-Some shit happened with Skelator and now he is wearing some kind of mask/crown thing that looks like the hindu god thing (can't think of the name). And his eyes are glowing yellow. Pretty bad ass I guess.
-The keyboard thing worked and now the rest of the good guys (and the cop) end up in Skelator's throne room.
-Skelator tries to kill He-Man with a lightning bolt, and He-Man just leans away and Skelator zaps his chains off. Then as Skelator keeps trying to shoot lightning bolts, He-Man keeps pulling storm troopers in front of them.
-I had Topperstix for dinner.
-For the first time, He-Man grabs his sword and says "I have the power!" And Skelator just kind of watches. Now, lights went out save for a random spotlight that Skelator keeps nearby to randomly change colors, and the two have their final battle. Somehow all the storm troopers and good guys stop fighting and disappear. They totally, absofuckinglutely copied the Skywalker/Vader light saber fight, and then copied the scene where Obi-Wan(?) falls down the giant hole and screams all the way down to his death. Might have been someone else, but definitely a Star Wars scene.
-So Skelator is dead, all is safe. Everyone give their good byes. The cop decides he is just going to stay in Eternia and live in Castle Greyskull. And he picked up some random hot chick. Why not? I guess he will just eat alien food and his human body will adjust.
-And Courtney Cox wakes up in her bed. Wearing a nightgown that goes from her neck to her ankles and is long sleeved. And her parents are suddenly alive even though they died in a plane crash.
The End. You know? Maybe it wasn't that bad. It was cheesy. But throw on a 1987 movie and find one that isn't cheesy as shit. Especially when it actually took place in 1987. I'd never watch it again, and I wouldn't necessarily recommend that you waste an hour and a half either. That was fun I guess.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Exhale
Well there we go. Yo is a Cy Young contender and the Crew is sure to turn this 7 game losing streak into a 12 game winning streak after yesterday. Championship! Thus is the ebb and flow of the 700 game MLB season. I'm still concerned that the Crew hasn't hit at all for the last week. Big early season game today. They sort of need to steal this series after shitting Houston down their legs. Gotta score more runs though. Headed to the Keg on Wednesday afternoon for a game against the Padres. Headed down with my old man and his union cronies. No word on whether legs will be broken or not.
NBA PLAYOFFS
I find it incredible that no NBA team has EVER come back from a 3-0 deficit. If the Lakers demise is a foregone conclusion, then why are we wasting our time even playing game 4. There should be a rule that series are a best of 7, until a team wins the first three, then it is a skunk, and it is over. While I'm not the biggest NBA fan, I do follow it, and watch portions of games here and there. But I won't be going out of my way to watch any more games in this series until it gets to 7. Why bother?
GOLF
I finally got out for 18 yesterday. I'm not very good. 110 on 18 holes isn't getting me to the PGA tour. But considering I haven't touched a club in at least 8 months (Wisconsin weather rules) it could've been worse.
MOVIE REVIEWS
Watched a couple of older-ish movies from my DVR that I hadn't seen before.
"Youth in Revolt": I enjoy Michael Cera even though he plays the same character in every movie/TV show ever. I just find that character funny. Zach Galifianakis and his beard were in the movie as a alcoholic truck driver that is banging Michael Cera's mom. Steve Buschemi and trailer parks were also involved. I enjoyed the movie. I would recommend it, but I doubt I would stop to watch it again if it was on cable.
"The Hurt Locker": Supposedly won an Oscar. I'm a little Iraq movied out to be honest. There have been something like 10 million movies made about this, which I guess makes sense since this "war" has been going on for 10 years. It was a solid movie, but not very unique. It is an Iraq war movie. No idea why or how this won (or was nominated, I don't watch that shit) an Oscar. It is worth watching if you like desert war movies. I wouldn't watch it again.
BEERS OF THE WEEKEND
Lienenkugel Limited: Kind of dog shit. A cross between Leinie's original, which is awful, and Honey Weiss. Don't bother. Thank (Sports Bottle's) god I only drank one. I'm not sure what the idea behind "limited" was. I can tell you one thing, it will be limited to one in my stomach.
New Glarus "Two Women": Not as good as it might sound. It should be called "Two naggy ass fat women". New Glarus is always a conundrum to me. They make some absoultely delicious beer: "Fat Squirrel", "Spotted Cow", "Totally Naked", 'Back Forty Bock". And some really, really bad beer. This one would be in the second category for me.
I'm off to get fat at brunch. Peace.
NBA PLAYOFFS
I find it incredible that no NBA team has EVER come back from a 3-0 deficit. If the Lakers demise is a foregone conclusion, then why are we wasting our time even playing game 4. There should be a rule that series are a best of 7, until a team wins the first three, then it is a skunk, and it is over. While I'm not the biggest NBA fan, I do follow it, and watch portions of games here and there. But I won't be going out of my way to watch any more games in this series until it gets to 7. Why bother?
GOLF
I finally got out for 18 yesterday. I'm not very good. 110 on 18 holes isn't getting me to the PGA tour. But considering I haven't touched a club in at least 8 months (Wisconsin weather rules) it could've been worse.
MOVIE REVIEWS
Watched a couple of older-ish movies from my DVR that I hadn't seen before.
"Youth in Revolt": I enjoy Michael Cera even though he plays the same character in every movie/TV show ever. I just find that character funny. Zach Galifianakis and his beard were in the movie as a alcoholic truck driver that is banging Michael Cera's mom. Steve Buschemi and trailer parks were also involved. I enjoyed the movie. I would recommend it, but I doubt I would stop to watch it again if it was on cable.
"The Hurt Locker": Supposedly won an Oscar. I'm a little Iraq movied out to be honest. There have been something like 10 million movies made about this, which I guess makes sense since this "war" has been going on for 10 years. It was a solid movie, but not very unique. It is an Iraq war movie. No idea why or how this won (or was nominated, I don't watch that shit) an Oscar. It is worth watching if you like desert war movies. I wouldn't watch it again.
BEERS OF THE WEEKEND
Lienenkugel Limited: Kind of dog shit. A cross between Leinie's original, which is awful, and Honey Weiss. Don't bother. Thank (Sports Bottle's) god I only drank one. I'm not sure what the idea behind "limited" was. I can tell you one thing, it will be limited to one in my stomach.
New Glarus "Two Women": Not as good as it might sound. It should be called "Two naggy ass fat women". New Glarus is always a conundrum to me. They make some absoultely delicious beer: "Fat Squirrel", "Spotted Cow", "Totally Naked", 'Back Forty Bock". And some really, really bad beer. This one would be in the second category for me.
I'm off to get fat at brunch. Peace.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Well Rex, I Guess We Will Never Know
Rex Ryan is convinced, based upon the fact that the Packers only beat his Jets IN NEW YORK 9-0, with half of a healthy team and the fact that the Packers were playing their best football of the year in February, that his Jets would've definitely beaten the Packers in the Super Bowl. This is despite overwhelming evidence that the Jets basically got blown out by the team that the Packers very nearly blew out in the Super Bowl, and Aaron Rodgers is ridiculous, and Mark Sanchez isn't that good. But yeah, I see where he is coming from. Also, I would like the name of his drug dealer, because that must be some good shit.
Packers Draft Review
I liked it. How is that for analysis? Actually, I would've like it more if we would have taken about 3 more TEs. Seriously. After the draft, McCarthy said: "I like the TE position." You fucking think? Realistically, Thompson and McCarthy have earned my absolute trust, and I don't have the right to question anything they do. I felt like they drafted some players that may help ease the potential losses of James Jones, Brandon Jackson. And drafted others to create competition. It wouldn't shock me at all to see either only a few of the draftees make the roster, or for all of them to make it, and for some players that we assumed were safe to be cut. I'm excited about Randall Cobb. He will hopefully add a speedy, dynamic playmaker that we haven't exactly had. Not that we don't have playmakers, but we needed a guy that could return kicks and add an underneath speed element ala Desean Jackson or Percy Harvin. Obviously, I'm just hoping we get a homeless man's Percy Harvin (minus the migraines). Anyway, lockout is back on, so we will see these guys when we see them.
BREW CREW HANGOVER
-Grienke is back next week! Championship!
-Kammeron Loe decided to get some work in on the side this morning because he hasn't been pitching enough.
-Carlos Gomez got thrown out by a busboy trying for a second omelet at brunch.
-Ryan Braun is fucking good.
BEER(S) OF THE WEEKEND
-Pearl Street Brewery Downtown Brown: not very good at all to be honest. Disappointed.
-Hinterland Door County Cherry Wheat: spectacular. Tastes like cherry pie filling in your mouth, but strangely not sweet, and no aftertaste.
-Titltetown Victory Ale: super tasty. A dark brown, but not heavy.
WEATHER
I'm never going to be able to golf this year. I resolved I was going to do it more. Bought half of a pass to get BOGO 18 holes at various courses. And it has been raining, cold or 70mph winds every goddamn weekend. Maybe next weekend.
BREW CREW HANGOVER
-Grienke is back next week! Championship!
-Kammeron Loe decided to get some work in on the side this morning because he hasn't been pitching enough.
-Carlos Gomez got thrown out by a busboy trying for a second omelet at brunch.
-Ryan Braun is fucking good.
BEER(S) OF THE WEEKEND
-Pearl Street Brewery Downtown Brown: not very good at all to be honest. Disappointed.
-Hinterland Door County Cherry Wheat: spectacular. Tastes like cherry pie filling in your mouth, but strangely not sweet, and no aftertaste.
-Titltetown Victory Ale: super tasty. A dark brown, but not heavy.
WEATHER
I'm never going to be able to golf this year. I resolved I was going to do it more. Bought half of a pass to get BOGO 18 holes at various courses. And it has been raining, cold or 70mph winds every goddamn weekend. Maybe next weekend.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I Smell a DL Trip for Yo
Today marked the fourth straight below average (at best) start for Yovani Gallardo. His ERA has gone from 1.20 to 5.70. I've looked into some of the advanced stats to see if he might be incredibly unlucky, but based upon my very average understanding of these stats, it appears that he has just sort of sucked for the last month. And you know what that means? That's right! Everyone's favorite game: the phantom injury!!! This happens, especially to pitchers, every year. Guy comes out, struggles in a few starts, gets shelled and obviously has lost his confidence, and rather than embarrass him by benching him or sending him to AAA (which I absolutely NOT suggesting they do with Yo), the player is suddenly injured and needs a 15 day DL trip. Jeff Suppan was famous for this. He went on like a dozen random DL trips in his time in Milwaukee (although his might be related to the voodoo doll I had).
Anyway, I bet Yo is on the DL within the next two days.
PS. Ardolis Chapman is fucking ridiculous. Dusty Baker is either an idiot for not using him in a bigger role (closer or starter). Or Dusty Baker has learned from the long, long line of careers he has ruined, and his trying to keep his innings down. Either way, Chapman seemed to have figured things out in the past two days. When you can throw 178 mph, and follow it up with a 90mph slider for a strike, hitters are fucked. That's analysis.
Anyway, I bet Yo is on the DL within the next two days.
PS. Ardolis Chapman is fucking ridiculous. Dusty Baker is either an idiot for not using him in a bigger role (closer or starter). Or Dusty Baker has learned from the long, long line of careers he has ruined, and his trying to keep his innings down. Either way, Chapman seemed to have figured things out in the past two days. When you can throw 178 mph, and follow it up with a 90mph slider for a strike, hitters are fucked. That's analysis.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
The NFL Has Brainwashed Me
Here is a good example of how much I love the NFL. I currently have DishNetwork. I received an offer from Time Warner cable that would lower my cable bill by about $50 per month for the same exact package. The price would be guaranteed for two years. It is an absurd deal. And I thought twice. I hesitated. Why? Because Time Warner doesn't have the NFL Network, and I might miss like 6 Thursday night games. I'm going to switch so that I can bitch about Time Warner again, and save a bunch of money. But I bet I'm not the only one that would think twice about switching for fear of losing a few games. That is why the NFL is the greatest league in the world.
I guess I will just have to spend some of that savings at a bar and watch the games there.
Happy Easter I guess.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Best Investment Ever?
No, I'm actually not referring to the Brewers signing Ryan Braun to a gigantic extension through 2020 (more on that in a second). I'm referring to the Ryan Braun jersey that I purchased two years ago. I'm always tormented when I go to buy a jersey of another grown man. Mostly because I don't want to get stuck with a horrible jersey a year or two later. 
That $75 or whatever it was was sweet. I'm going to get TWELVE years out of that fucker. It might actually fall apart before he's gone or dead! I actually wish I would've dropped $200 on an authentic one now.
Onto the signing itself. I LOVE the message it sends, and I love Ryan Braun. Also I love Mark Attanasio. Honestly, in 2019 when Braun is making something like $16 million, it might end up badly. But would you rather have Braun making $16 million in 2019, or a 350 lb first basement making 20? Does this have anything to do with Prince? Probably not, but I feel a little bit like there might be a message here to Prince and to other Brewer players present and future. If you play well, and want to play here, we will try to pay you. Braun expressed an interest to be a Brewer for life, even though he just signed an extension through 2015 like five minutes ago. In exchange for a little more money now, he gave up the right to hold a gun to the Brewer's head in 4 years, and potentially make a little more money for the last few years. It is possible if Braun continues to progress, and inflation continues, he might have made $25 mil or so by the end of this thing. The message to Prince is "We gave you this offer two years ago and you balked because Boras promised you more money, so fuck you. We aren't giving you anything." Now, it is very questionable whether this message will mean anything. Because someone is probably going to be paying Fielder what he wants. But the Brewers likely could've waited on this. I feel like they wanted Fielder around when they gave Braun $10 million extra dollars yesterday.
Seriously though, this deal is another in a long line of deals that would've never happened under previous ownership. There is a serious commitment to winning, and a serious commitment to keeping their stars, that hasn't ever been seen in Milwaukee. I'm thrilled about that, even if Braun is hitting .212 in limited playing time in 2020.
MLB DODGERS
I'm not a Dodger fan, so I can just sit back an laugh at that disaster. I did want to throw this out though. Was McCourt "borrowing money for payroll", which seemed to clearly be a cry for help (if this is in fact true), done with the intent to get MLB to step in, thereby likely driving down the value of the Dodgers? Here is my thinking. He is going through a horrendous divorce. I can speak from experience that people that are going through a divorce lose their fucking minds. They will do idiotic things, that cost them thousands of dollars (for a normal person, millions for the McCourts), just so the spouse gets less. In this case, since Ms. McCourt is entitled to half, would the absurdly rich Frank drive down the value of this asset to fuck over Ms. McCourt? Probably not, since the Dodgers might only be a drop in the bucket for these two rich assholes. But as I said, people in the midst of a divorce are fucking insane.
REAL WORLD: VEGAS
Yes, I watch the Real World. It is one of the perks to being married to a woman that would watch just about anything if there was an MTV logo in the corner. I have an excuse to watch the Real World (because I'm forced to. What am I supposed to do, go in the bedroom? The TV is all small in there!). Anyway, this season has been really solid. We've been waiting since episode one for this one kid Dustin's big secret to be revealed. Which is that he's been in gay porn. Which is fucking hilarious. We see on the previews that it gets revealed in the next episode. The snippet might have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on TV, but let me set it up for you if you haven't seen the show at all.
Dustin is a gooney white dude from the South. He immediately started a "relationship" with a girl on the show, and they've been "hooking up" (I added the quotes because what I really meant is that they have known each other for five minutes, have been locked in a suite at the Hard Rock, got bored and drunk and fucked a whole bunch). So by all accounts he is straight. In the preview they show, the girl says "Is there something you want to tell me about your past?" Response (sounds like it is in his head) "She knows!". Girl "You are all over the Internet having sex. With guys." Dustin's response (which should win him a fucking Emmy) "A guy."
There you have it. In 2011, you aren't gay if you only had sex with ONE guy. I texted my brother "Best justification for gay porn ever." He replied "He could've told her he wasn't the catcher." Which would've been good too. You should probably watch next Thursday at 9 central, or one of the 7500 times they replay it. It is going to be epic. Prediction: he talks his way out of it and the girl fucks him again by the end of the episode because she is a stupid whore.
That $75 or whatever it was was sweet. I'm going to get TWELVE years out of that fucker. It might actually fall apart before he's gone or dead! I actually wish I would've dropped $200 on an authentic one now.
Onto the signing itself. I LOVE the message it sends, and I love Ryan Braun. Also I love Mark Attanasio. Honestly, in 2019 when Braun is making something like $16 million, it might end up badly. But would you rather have Braun making $16 million in 2019, or a 350 lb first basement making 20? Does this have anything to do with Prince? Probably not, but I feel a little bit like there might be a message here to Prince and to other Brewer players present and future. If you play well, and want to play here, we will try to pay you. Braun expressed an interest to be a Brewer for life, even though he just signed an extension through 2015 like five minutes ago. In exchange for a little more money now, he gave up the right to hold a gun to the Brewer's head in 4 years, and potentially make a little more money for the last few years. It is possible if Braun continues to progress, and inflation continues, he might have made $25 mil or so by the end of this thing. The message to Prince is "We gave you this offer two years ago and you balked because Boras promised you more money, so fuck you. We aren't giving you anything." Now, it is very questionable whether this message will mean anything. Because someone is probably going to be paying Fielder what he wants. But the Brewers likely could've waited on this. I feel like they wanted Fielder around when they gave Braun $10 million extra dollars yesterday.
Seriously though, this deal is another in a long line of deals that would've never happened under previous ownership. There is a serious commitment to winning, and a serious commitment to keeping their stars, that hasn't ever been seen in Milwaukee. I'm thrilled about that, even if Braun is hitting .212 in limited playing time in 2020.
MLB DODGERS
I'm not a Dodger fan, so I can just sit back an laugh at that disaster. I did want to throw this out though. Was McCourt "borrowing money for payroll", which seemed to clearly be a cry for help (if this is in fact true), done with the intent to get MLB to step in, thereby likely driving down the value of the Dodgers? Here is my thinking. He is going through a horrendous divorce. I can speak from experience that people that are going through a divorce lose their fucking minds. They will do idiotic things, that cost them thousands of dollars (for a normal person, millions for the McCourts), just so the spouse gets less. In this case, since Ms. McCourt is entitled to half, would the absurdly rich Frank drive down the value of this asset to fuck over Ms. McCourt? Probably not, since the Dodgers might only be a drop in the bucket for these two rich assholes. But as I said, people in the midst of a divorce are fucking insane.
REAL WORLD: VEGAS
Yes, I watch the Real World. It is one of the perks to being married to a woman that would watch just about anything if there was an MTV logo in the corner. I have an excuse to watch the Real World (because I'm forced to. What am I supposed to do, go in the bedroom? The TV is all small in there!). Anyway, this season has been really solid. We've been waiting since episode one for this one kid Dustin's big secret to be revealed. Which is that he's been in gay porn. Which is fucking hilarious. We see on the previews that it gets revealed in the next episode. The snippet might have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on TV, but let me set it up for you if you haven't seen the show at all.
Dustin is a gooney white dude from the South. He immediately started a "relationship" with a girl on the show, and they've been "hooking up" (I added the quotes because what I really meant is that they have known each other for five minutes, have been locked in a suite at the Hard Rock, got bored and drunk and fucked a whole bunch). So by all accounts he is straight. In the preview they show, the girl says "Is there something you want to tell me about your past?" Response (sounds like it is in his head) "She knows!". Girl "You are all over the Internet having sex. With guys." Dustin's response (which should win him a fucking Emmy) "A guy."
There you have it. In 2011, you aren't gay if you only had sex with ONE guy. I texted my brother "Best justification for gay porn ever." He replied "He could've told her he wasn't the catcher." Which would've been good too. You should probably watch next Thursday at 9 central, or one of the 7500 times they replay it. It is going to be epic. Prediction: he talks his way out of it and the girl fucks him again by the end of the episode because she is a stupid whore.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Tired of Uncle Sam
Tax season is officially (well I guess only technically, you could be one of those idiots in line at the post office at 11:58 p.m.) over. If you haven't guessed by past posts, my real job involves taxes for a few months per year. By real job, I mean the one I get sort of paid to do. Unlike my other jobs, which include: blogger, professional asshole, guy who bitches a lot, sports enthusiast, video game participant, beer connoisseur, and sex machine (just ask Sports Bottle). Unfortunately, I rather enjoy the jobs I do not get paid for, and not so much the one I do get paid for. I'm probably like 99.9% of America in those regards. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that I'm waiting patiently for the residuals that Bear has assured me are in the mail, to start rolling in, and for UCSB616's job offer from Herm Edwards and ESPN.
While I wait, I'm going to make an effort to post more. You've heard it before, I've said it before, and it probably isn't any more true this time. Fuck off. As the other "members" of this blog can likely attest to, it is much harder to come up with stuff to write about than it looks like. Said task has been made harder by the advent of Facebook (in 2001, member since 2010!) and Twitter (homeless people were on before I was). I tend to waste one or two potentially great blog topics on a 120 character zinger. Which is funny because it isn't that much funnier when I stretch it into 10,000 words. Meaning perhaps I should stick to Tweets. Fuck it, I'm not going to do that.
I have found that baseball is a very easy sport to blog about, because something new happens every day. I love to blog about the Brewers, especially when something terrible happens like last weekend. I'm much more efficient being negative.
We are 15 games in, and the Crew is 7-8. Can't say I'm that disappointed. Looking at the schedule, I would've expected about 8-7 at this point. Really, we could be 12-3 or some such, but such is the fickle nature of baseball. I realized this evening as I was watching Rickie Weeks fuck up a simple double play against the Phillies which eventually led to a 1-0 deficit, that I haven't blogged about my least favorite Brewer yet this year. There are many candidates, but first I should get the qualifications out of the way. It needs to be a player that routinely seems to fuck up, and/or play well below their physical gifts/potential. This player also needs to play much, much more than is warranted, and would lead one to wonder if they have some kind of nude photo of the manager and/or the manager's daughter to use as black mail. In the Ned Yost years (other than Ned Yost himself) my least favorite Brewers were: Rickie Weeks (who has since totally redeemed himself and become one of my favorites), Jeff Suppan (who stick sucks donkey cock), Derrick Turnbow (aka Turnblow) and Eric Gagne. See, it is much easier to hate closers because they have such an obvious effect on game outcomes. I hated Weeks because Yost would stick him in the leadoff spot even though he hit about .200, and he was an abortion at 2B. I hated Suppan because he was terrible.
Right now, the following are on my list: Randy Wolf, Carlos Gomez, Mark Kotsay, Yuni Bettancourt and Erick Almonte. I'm taking Wolf off the list because he dominated in his last outing. I'm removing Kotsay and Almonte because even though they are truly terrible, they are fill in players, and will eventually be in Nashville or bagging groceries. I don't have a great feel yet for Yuni. He doesn't seem to do anything very well, but his suckiness might just be so absolute that I don't realize how bad he actually is. Plus, I had really low expectations for the Yuni era. That leaves me with Carlos Gomez. Gomez is fast, and he plays reasonably good defense (mostly because he's fast). But he is a moron. He is a terrible baserunner despite his ridiculous speed. He can't hit ATT ALL (he just got an RBI double as I type this), and Roenicke keeps sticking him at the 2 spot. He frustrates me to no end. In addition, he's got Tony fucking Plush, who is nearly as good on defense, probably as fast or faster, is a good baserunner, and can actually put the bat on the ball. In short, he's got Plushdamentals. I hate that Gomez plays over Plush for no reason.
On to this weekend again. What a disaster. Swept by a bad team. Can't happen. And what the fuck is up with Yo? He was awful yesterday. We have to get the game tonight because we get Halladay and Lee the next two games. And we can't get swept again.
OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS
-CP3 is fucking awesome. Lakers will still win the series, relax.
-I purchased the new albums from Foo Fighters and Rise Against this weekend. The new Foo is absurdly good. The Rise Against album is solid too. One thing about Rise Against, and I've only heard the album before this one and maybe I didn't dissect it, but it seems like almost every song on this album is a political anthem. I didn't get that from the last album (although there were certainly a few). The music is great, but it is sort of a stressful and intense listen. No?
-Beer of the night: Mighty Arrow, the spring seasonal from New Belgium. A tasty pale ale if you are into it.
-Weather is calling for 6 to 10 inches of snow. This could be its own blog post. It is fucking April 18th. Seriously UCSB616, don't fucking move from California permanently. I realize there are a lot of problems there. But the weather is perfect. As awesome as we are in the midwest, the weather isn't worth it. It isn't. It is almost fucking May and I don't feel comfortable putting away my snowblower. Also, it was 40 with 30mph wind today.
-I did about 2 seconds of research. It seems that Tony Plush was created by Nyjer Morgan. The twitter feed is obviously not him, but he is a fascinating dude.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Let's Play Two
Why not? What else am I going to do besides watching six hours of Brewers v. Nationals today? I miss true double headers. Back in the 80's they used to schedule a few double headers a year, so that they could play October baseball in October and not November.
Yuni Bettancourt finally cost the Crew a game with his defense on Friday. His D had actually been half way decent up until Friday. It won't be the last game we lose like that.
Let's hope for a sweep today and some good Plushdamentals.
QUICK NATIVE AMERICAN CASINO RANT
I went to the local Native American casino last night. I went sober. I went with the full intention of giving them $40 worth of roulette spins and blackjack hands. Mission accomplished. It still strikes me that every time I go, 90% of the people there do not appear that they can afford the gas to drive to the casino. Yet there they are, plugging dollars into the slot machine, and bellied up at the $10/hand blackjack tables. But seriously, just throw it on the credit card, I will pay for it later when you don't pay the credit card, file for bankruptcy for the third time, and then the credit card companies lobby congress for some bullshit loophole tax hike that ends up in thier pocket. Also, I don't miss smoking being banned. It is clear that there were people there that were in the midst of a realization that they hadn't been able to smoke outside of thier house or car since July 4th, and were making it a point to smoke as long as hard as possible. I still have a fucking headache, and I was only there for a few hours.
Yuni Bettancourt finally cost the Crew a game with his defense on Friday. His D had actually been half way decent up until Friday. It won't be the last game we lose like that.
Let's hope for a sweep today and some good Plushdamentals.
QUICK NATIVE AMERICAN CASINO RANT
I went to the local Native American casino last night. I went sober. I went with the full intention of giving them $40 worth of roulette spins and blackjack hands. Mission accomplished. It still strikes me that every time I go, 90% of the people there do not appear that they can afford the gas to drive to the casino. Yet there they are, plugging dollars into the slot machine, and bellied up at the $10/hand blackjack tables. But seriously, just throw it on the credit card, I will pay for it later when you don't pay the credit card, file for bankruptcy for the third time, and then the credit card companies lobby congress for some bullshit loophole tax hike that ends up in thier pocket. Also, I don't miss smoking being banned. It is clear that there were people there that were in the midst of a realization that they hadn't been able to smoke outside of thier house or car since July 4th, and were making it a point to smoke as long as hard as possible. I still have a fucking headache, and I was only there for a few hours.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Mish Mash Of Shat
As I venture into the last few days of tax season, and my life is about to begin anew, I had a couple of things in my brain to spew out:
-Excellent article by UCSB616, although I disagree on the best month of the sports year. My vote would be for October. NFL and College Football in full swing, and the entirety of MLB playoffs. I would argue that the NBA playoffs in April add little to nothing to my sports enjoyment. Wake me in July or August, or whenever the fuck the Finals finally start (unless there are Deer to Fear, which there is most certainly not this year). I will watch a smattering of games, but they won't be appointment television for the most part. It probably helps if you root for the Lakers.
-I love me some Tony Plush (aka Nyjer Morgan if you live in the 1990's and aren't on Twitter yet). He is my favorite Brewer right now. I just like the way he plays, and his gentleman alter ego helps. My favorite running joke right now is that I'm going to love him until he murders Braun or Yo in their sleep. Because he is allegedly crazy. But he hustles his ass off, he's fast, he's exciting, he seems to care (or not know where he is, I can't tell), and he can get on base. I'm enjoying this ride while it lasts. Tonight, he murdered Ryan Domut on a play at the plate, which is the second catcher he took out, and if remember last year, he has a bit of a history with this. I would post a YouTube video of this, but (Sports Bottle's) god forbid MLB allows YouTube videos.
-Barry Bonds is going to prison. I guess you don't fuck with the G. I guess I'm glad he got convicted because approximately .03 cents of my paychecks for the last five years (and every other American) was put towards the costs of prosecution.
-The NFL has a draft coming up in a few weeks, and I couldn't be less excited. Normally, I LOVE the draft, and get super excited for it. I'm not sure if I'm not excited because of the lockout garbage (probably) or because the Packers WON THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL!!!! and I don't feel like they need much. Part of me will feel guilty for watching the draft because I feel like I'm condoning these assholes. But not enough of me that I won't watch it.
-The Brewers-Cubs game Sunday was a success. I didn't get beaten into a coma for wearing a Brewer jersey, even though I'm 30 years old. My brother and his two friends didn't either. And there were a shitload of Cubs fans nearby. Had some beers, enjoyed the ridiculous 80 degree weather, and watched the Cubs fans cheer like they won the World Series after throwing out Weeks stealing.....after McGehee hit the two run pinch hit homer to put us ahead. Cubs fans are stupid. Also, as we were walking out, some random dude showed me a picture of a Cubs fan passed out inside Miller Park, and he pissed himself.
-Excellent article by UCSB616, although I disagree on the best month of the sports year. My vote would be for October. NFL and College Football in full swing, and the entirety of MLB playoffs. I would argue that the NBA playoffs in April add little to nothing to my sports enjoyment. Wake me in July or August, or whenever the fuck the Finals finally start (unless there are Deer to Fear, which there is most certainly not this year). I will watch a smattering of games, but they won't be appointment television for the most part. It probably helps if you root for the Lakers.
-I love me some Tony Plush (aka Nyjer Morgan if you live in the 1990's and aren't on Twitter yet). He is my favorite Brewer right now. I just like the way he plays, and his gentleman alter ego helps. My favorite running joke right now is that I'm going to love him until he murders Braun or Yo in their sleep. Because he is allegedly crazy. But he hustles his ass off, he's fast, he's exciting, he seems to care (or not know where he is, I can't tell), and he can get on base. I'm enjoying this ride while it lasts. Tonight, he murdered Ryan Domut on a play at the plate, which is the second catcher he took out, and if remember last year, he has a bit of a history with this. I would post a YouTube video of this, but (Sports Bottle's) god forbid MLB allows YouTube videos.
-Barry Bonds is going to prison. I guess you don't fuck with the G. I guess I'm glad he got convicted because approximately .03 cents of my paychecks for the last five years (and every other American) was put towards the costs of prosecution.
-The NFL has a draft coming up in a few weeks, and I couldn't be less excited. Normally, I LOVE the draft, and get super excited for it. I'm not sure if I'm not excited because of the lockout garbage (probably) or because the Packers WON THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL!!!! and I don't feel like they need much. Part of me will feel guilty for watching the draft because I feel like I'm condoning these assholes. But not enough of me that I won't watch it.
-The Brewers-Cubs game Sunday was a success. I didn't get beaten into a coma for wearing a Brewer jersey, even though I'm 30 years old. My brother and his two friends didn't either. And there were a shitload of Cubs fans nearby. Had some beers, enjoyed the ridiculous 80 degree weather, and watched the Cubs fans cheer like they won the World Series after throwing out Weeks stealing.....after McGehee hit the two run pinch hit homer to put us ahead. Cubs fans are stupid. Also, as we were walking out, some random dude showed me a picture of a Cubs fan passed out inside Miller Park, and he pissed himself.
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Best Month of the Sports Year
Thursday, March 31 marked the beginning of the best month of the 2011 sports calendar year. The period starts with the baseball opening day and the final four, progresses through the Masters, and leads you right into the NBA Playoffs. Since we are smack-dab in the middle of the Masters as I write this, lets recap the first portion of April.
Dodger Stadium Debacle
How pathetic was the beatdown at Dodger Stadium last Thursday? For those of you that have never been to Chavez Ravine, save your money. If I weren't a die-hard Dodger fan I'd have stopped going to this dump years ago.
A perfect example is the bathroom situation. Even when sitting in the expensive seats, fans are subjected to Wrigley Field style trough urinals, which would be fine except for the fact that you are surrounded by vato gangsters straight out of Training Day. These creatures broke out of the barrio zoo, and are looking to eat you for lunch (or ask to see your "cuete holmes") if you so much as look at them the wrong way.
"Easy solution, just don't look at them" you might say.
Problem is, not acknowledging the vatos could be construed as "disrespecting" them, and such behavior could earn you your first stab wound. Never has Baltimore and Camden Yards looked so good (and yes, I've seen "the Wire").
Several years ago the Dodgers banned tailgating at Dodger Stadium. Clearly this was so they could sell more $10.00 beers, not to protect the fans from themselves, because the vatos have no problem slugging down 10-12 beers in the park across the street (illegal), then slugging down 10-12 more $10.00 beers before looking for a fight. It's been this way since Fox bought the Dodgers from the O'Malley's in the 1990's. A sad situation, and a big black eye on the face of a franchise that is clearly in disarray right now.
As I mentioned on Facebook last week, the cowardly act by these two thugs was inexcusable. Dodger Stadium is not your "turf," and Giants fans aren't members of a rival gang. This is reason 10,000 why Logan will be raised a Brewers fan (or a fan of the team of his choice). Although I'll always root for the Dodgers, I won't put the same economic embargo on alternate gear that I would if Logan were to pick up a Bears, Vikings, or Celtics jersey.
I've never witnessed this kind of behavior at any of the 22 ballparks I've visited around the country. Same can be said for the significant number of NFL stadiums I've visited (except for Oakland). I've especially never witnessed this kind of behavior at either Miller Park or Lambeau Field (exhibits A and B why Wisconsin is heaven). People drink wayyyyyyy more at Miller Park and Lambeau than they do at Dodger Stadium, yet still manage to refrain from stabbing and beating one another to death.
Sidebar
Angie kicked off the best 9 days of the sports calendar year sitting poolside at Caesars' Palace on a Bachelorette party when I called in a couple bets on the Final Four. Pretty nice that my wife would act as a gambling proxy so that Steve and I could get some action in on the games before she returned to a day of relaxing poolside in a cabana (reason number 1,000,000 why I have the most awesome wife possible, and why she rules).
Angie's return from Vegas (and the resulting stories) made me realize that last weekend is the absolute perfect weekend to schedule an annual Vegas summit for me and the crew. It's the beginning of Spring, there is a lot going on in the sports world, and it is a time of the year before we get really really busy with our annual respective late Spring/early Summer U.S. tours.
It's really interesting to hear a girl's perspective on a successful Vegas trip as contrasted to the 100 or so I've been on in my life. This party sounded like a lot of fun for a group of girls. It included a night at the bar, a full day of cocktails and food by the pool, a show where everyone kept their clothes on (presumably), a sit-down dinner, and a night at a club. Angie got home seemingly not too hungover, and had an all around pleasant experience. Seemed like a pretty good deal to me.
My trips to Vegas in the past 5 years seem to follow the same predictable (and lately downright boring) 20 stages:
1) Have 2-3 tall beers at the airport, plus 2 on the 45 minute flight;
2) Withdraw my first $300 from the ATM at McCarran International Airport;
3) wait in cab line;
4) stop at liquor store for smokes/12 pack;
5) hit the tables;
6) lose $200,
7) go out;
8) black out;
9) return to casino and withdraw a second $300;
10) pass out at 5am;
11) wake up at 10am;
12) eat McDonalds;
13) go to pool and consume 5 buckets of bud light;
14) nap;
15) shower;
16) eat drunken nice dinner;
17) walk around on the strip and gamble in random casinos, smoking nearly a pack of cigarettes;
18) return to home casino;
19) play poker or blackjack until 5am;
20) lay down for half an hour and wake up for early flight on Sunday morning wondering whether it was all worth it.
This pattern was epitomized by an August 2010 trip to Vegas that was supposed to include all 7 of my best friends, but dwindled to 3 by the time the weekend rolled around. Lost are the seemingly unbelievable stories bred by trips of the past such as the time I was invited to my brother in law's best friend's bachelor party in July 2008 as "entertainment" and wound up at the top of the Bellagio in a suite with Omar and Fadi the Jordanian Oil Tycoons who were betting $5,000 a hand and had a suite full of booze and trouble.
Was that 2010 trip fun? Hell yes it was fun. I was with a couple of my best friends and we partied all weekend. The problem was it didn't carry any of the mystique that is Vegas, and could have been any random weekend we decide to get crazy.
I think I've figured out the problem. A successful trip to Vegas is a function of who you are with and making different experiences. Angie's trip seemed pretty fun. It included: 1) people she hadn't seen in a long time; 2) some people she didn't know; 3) a schedule of things to do that didn't involve just hanging around casinos; and 4) it was only 36 hours long, so she was in and out of there pretty quick.
You don't need to reinvent the wheel, but you need to keep it in motion. I've been stuck in fourth gear for five years now in Vegas. It's time to take things up a notch. That said . . .
I feel like it's time for a Vegas summit with the UCSB crew to reclaim the glory of the past. It can't be just 3 of us, Paul, Pete, Jeff, Steve, Lazz, Ozzie and myself all need to break down and make it happen. Second, we need to get everyone on one blackjack table together, and we need to plan some things to do. Third, we need a hibachi dinner (I feel like hibachi dinners are always the catalyst to trouble).
Clearly we are past our prime, but if Fred Couples can routinely shoot in the 60's at Augusta once a year we can handle one big Vegas trip per year. Guys, if you read this, lets start planning now, then get an annual Spring trip on the calendar.
End Sidebar
Brewers Opening Week
No need to panic Brewer fans. Your best pitcher is on the DL and will be back sometime within the month, and good teams struggle in April. The Red Sox started 0-6 and nobody except their fans feels like they won't be in contention in September. Brewers will be fine too (and already look a ton better). All this stuff is a good reason why the baseball season starts about a month early in my opinion.
Final Four
The final four itself was pretty much a bust, although I managed to split first in a 15 person pool by virtue of Kentucky going to the final four. Unfortunately, those weren't the picks I posted on here, so only the other 14 guys in the pool know that I'm telling the truth. Bottom line, this year's tournament was more of a crapshoot than its ever been.
The biggest lesson I learned this year is that the mid-majors are killing the sport. These teams were everywhere, and Cinderella has jumped the shark. The VCU/Butler game was downright painful to watch, and I don't need to even write about the worst national championship game in history. Truly painful stuff.
The NBA is to blame here. Their stupid rule requiring players to be one year removed from high school has killed program continuity and allowed the Butler and VCU's of the world to have a chance. Much like I don't like TCU playing Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl, I'm a snob for bigtime college sports. Please don't expand the tournament any further, and when the NBA returns sometime in 2013 please allow high school players to make the jump right away.
Thursday/Friday at the Masters
The Masters is one of my absolute favorite events of the year. I've been watching it since I was about five years old, and used to love watching it with my grandpa. He's been gone 13 years this year, and the Masters always makes me think about how much I miss him. He got me into sports by taking me to Dodger and Laker games when my dad wouldn't, and I would've been lost in life without his teaching me about the true treat in life that sports are.
This year feels like a changing of the guard at Augusta. As Tiger charges up the leaderboard while I write this, I predict that one of McIlroy/Day/Fowler/Barnes holds him off to win the Masters this year. McIlroy would be particularly nice given that he's been pegged as the next great thing since he played in the Walker Cup when he was 17. Should be a fantastic weekend.
For the record, I've got a trip to Augusta for the Masters on my calendar for next year. Even if I don't get tickets through the lottery I'm going to go ahead and pay the $500 or so to go to Saturday's round. It's a great event with cheap beers and a party atmosphere. Pretty much a must for a sports fan even if you aren't a golf fan per se. I had a blast at the 2010 U.S. Open and can only imagine that August is 10 times better.
I feel like the Masters is the casual golf fan's favorite tournament because even people that don't watch that much golf recognize the back nine at Augusta. If you don't watch it yourself, your dad or grandpa probably did, and outside of Pebble Beach there really isn't a prettier setting in golf. There is nothing better than the back nine on Saturday and Sunday. You can argue with me all you want, but I think it's exciting as hell. Plus, where else can you see stuff like this?
NFL Lockout Update
The parties went to court on April 6 and not much happened. Judge Nelson needs a couple weeks to render a decision, and when she does the losing party will immediately appeal. This thing isn't looking good folks. Although I'd handicap the odds of a full season at 8.5-1 I still don't like the fact that it went into litigation at all.
The union is a union, and should be ruled a union (jesus, that sentence kind of reminded me of a line from one of Logan's children's books). Therefore, this dispute should be decided by the NLRB and the Antitrust lawsuit should be thrown out the window, and the parties should get back to the bargaining table under the federal labor laws. Litigation is for the weak and afraid, which is exactly what the players are.
NBA Playoff Preview
Simply stated, Bulls look unstoppable in the East, Lakers look unstoppable in the West (even on a 3-game losing streak).
I find the NBA playoffs to be much better drama than the average guy, and am able to sit through pretty much every game in every series from the second round on. Even half the first round series are semi-entertaining.
I don't see a team out there that can beat the Bulls. I just don't. Miami isn't deep enough and doesn't play enough defense, and the Celtics took themselves out of it by trading away their size.
In the West, only Oklahoma City has even a prayer of beating the Lakers, and it seems like both the Lakers and the other teams know it. Even if San Antonio smacks them around at home this week they still know they are done. This Spurs team reminds me of the run and gun D'Antoni Suns teams. Great in the regular season, good enough to maybe get to a conference final, but not a serious title contender. Let's just hope people try to behave themselves this June when the Lakers win their third title in a row.
Six titles for Kobe vaults him into the top 3 players in history. You can keep Jordan and Russell up there ahead of him, but nobody except those two can touch him. The guy is an assassin, and I sincerely hope he gets this title, because it will likely be his last. I feel like the Lakers' window closes after this year and it will be time to re-tool.
How good does the Hangover 2 trailer look? Usually you can tell that a sequel is going to suck just by watching the trailer, but this time these guys look like they legitimately wanted to make a second movie as good as the first. Can't wait.
Finally, if you haven't watched the "unedited" version of Charlie Sheen's 20/20 interview, click on it now. Anything this guy touches right now is comedic genius. He knows he's batshit crazy, doesn't give a shit, and is smart enough to spin his meltdown into a clever marketing ploy. I love it, and sincerely hope he manages to keep it together just enough to keep doing weird things for the next 5 years. I'll watch anything, and am really disappointed that the Violent Torpedo of Truth isn't coming to Los Angeles in the next 3 months.
Speaking of "Violent Torpedoes of Truth," I've got my own warlock-style U.S. tour coming up in a few weeks, and will try to provide a recap of each event after I recover. This is a more hectic Spring tour than I've booked in several years, I only hope I can keep up. The menu:
4/23: 9 hours of death metal in the desert with Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax
4/30: Alumni weekend in Santa Barbara
5/7: hiatus
5/14: Lazz's bachelor party in Chicago
5/21: East Coast swing to find an apartment in Baltimore
5/28: Memorial Day weekend festivities
6/5: San Diego Rock n Roll Half Marathon
6/11: Lazz's Wedding on a boat in Newport Beach
6/18: Depart on week-long road trip to Baltimore and will be covering 5 ballparks
My liver already hurts. Stay tuned.
Dodger Stadium Debacle
How pathetic was the beatdown at Dodger Stadium last Thursday? For those of you that have never been to Chavez Ravine, save your money. If I weren't a die-hard Dodger fan I'd have stopped going to this dump years ago.
A perfect example is the bathroom situation. Even when sitting in the expensive seats, fans are subjected to Wrigley Field style trough urinals, which would be fine except for the fact that you are surrounded by vato gangsters straight out of Training Day. These creatures broke out of the barrio zoo, and are looking to eat you for lunch (or ask to see your "cuete holmes") if you so much as look at them the wrong way.
"Easy solution, just don't look at them" you might say.
Problem is, not acknowledging the vatos could be construed as "disrespecting" them, and such behavior could earn you your first stab wound. Never has Baltimore and Camden Yards looked so good (and yes, I've seen "the Wire").
Several years ago the Dodgers banned tailgating at Dodger Stadium. Clearly this was so they could sell more $10.00 beers, not to protect the fans from themselves, because the vatos have no problem slugging down 10-12 beers in the park across the street (illegal), then slugging down 10-12 more $10.00 beers before looking for a fight. It's been this way since Fox bought the Dodgers from the O'Malley's in the 1990's. A sad situation, and a big black eye on the face of a franchise that is clearly in disarray right now.
As I mentioned on Facebook last week, the cowardly act by these two thugs was inexcusable. Dodger Stadium is not your "turf," and Giants fans aren't members of a rival gang. This is reason 10,000 why Logan will be raised a Brewers fan (or a fan of the team of his choice). Although I'll always root for the Dodgers, I won't put the same economic embargo on alternate gear that I would if Logan were to pick up a Bears, Vikings, or Celtics jersey.
I've never witnessed this kind of behavior at any of the 22 ballparks I've visited around the country. Same can be said for the significant number of NFL stadiums I've visited (except for Oakland). I've especially never witnessed this kind of behavior at either Miller Park or Lambeau Field (exhibits A and B why Wisconsin is heaven). People drink wayyyyyyy more at Miller Park and Lambeau than they do at Dodger Stadium, yet still manage to refrain from stabbing and beating one another to death.
Sidebar
Angie kicked off the best 9 days of the sports calendar year sitting poolside at Caesars' Palace on a Bachelorette party when I called in a couple bets on the Final Four. Pretty nice that my wife would act as a gambling proxy so that Steve and I could get some action in on the games before she returned to a day of relaxing poolside in a cabana (reason number 1,000,000 why I have the most awesome wife possible, and why she rules).
Angie's return from Vegas (and the resulting stories) made me realize that last weekend is the absolute perfect weekend to schedule an annual Vegas summit for me and the crew. It's the beginning of Spring, there is a lot going on in the sports world, and it is a time of the year before we get really really busy with our annual respective late Spring/early Summer U.S. tours.
It's really interesting to hear a girl's perspective on a successful Vegas trip as contrasted to the 100 or so I've been on in my life. This party sounded like a lot of fun for a group of girls. It included a night at the bar, a full day of cocktails and food by the pool, a show where everyone kept their clothes on (presumably), a sit-down dinner, and a night at a club. Angie got home seemingly not too hungover, and had an all around pleasant experience. Seemed like a pretty good deal to me.
My trips to Vegas in the past 5 years seem to follow the same predictable (and lately downright boring) 20 stages:
1) Have 2-3 tall beers at the airport, plus 2 on the 45 minute flight;
2) Withdraw my first $300 from the ATM at McCarran International Airport;
3) wait in cab line;
4) stop at liquor store for smokes/12 pack;
5) hit the tables;
6) lose $200,
7) go out;
8) black out;
9) return to casino and withdraw a second $300;
10) pass out at 5am;
11) wake up at 10am;
12) eat McDonalds;
13) go to pool and consume 5 buckets of bud light;
14) nap;
15) shower;
16) eat drunken nice dinner;
17) walk around on the strip and gamble in random casinos, smoking nearly a pack of cigarettes;
18) return to home casino;
19) play poker or blackjack until 5am;
20) lay down for half an hour and wake up for early flight on Sunday morning wondering whether it was all worth it.
This pattern was epitomized by an August 2010 trip to Vegas that was supposed to include all 7 of my best friends, but dwindled to 3 by the time the weekend rolled around. Lost are the seemingly unbelievable stories bred by trips of the past such as the time I was invited to my brother in law's best friend's bachelor party in July 2008 as "entertainment" and wound up at the top of the Bellagio in a suite with Omar and Fadi the Jordanian Oil Tycoons who were betting $5,000 a hand and had a suite full of booze and trouble.
Was that 2010 trip fun? Hell yes it was fun. I was with a couple of my best friends and we partied all weekend. The problem was it didn't carry any of the mystique that is Vegas, and could have been any random weekend we decide to get crazy.
I think I've figured out the problem. A successful trip to Vegas is a function of who you are with and making different experiences. Angie's trip seemed pretty fun. It included: 1) people she hadn't seen in a long time; 2) some people she didn't know; 3) a schedule of things to do that didn't involve just hanging around casinos; and 4) it was only 36 hours long, so she was in and out of there pretty quick.
You don't need to reinvent the wheel, but you need to keep it in motion. I've been stuck in fourth gear for five years now in Vegas. It's time to take things up a notch. That said . . .
I feel like it's time for a Vegas summit with the UCSB crew to reclaim the glory of the past. It can't be just 3 of us, Paul, Pete, Jeff, Steve, Lazz, Ozzie and myself all need to break down and make it happen. Second, we need to get everyone on one blackjack table together, and we need to plan some things to do. Third, we need a hibachi dinner (I feel like hibachi dinners are always the catalyst to trouble).
Clearly we are past our prime, but if Fred Couples can routinely shoot in the 60's at Augusta once a year we can handle one big Vegas trip per year. Guys, if you read this, lets start planning now, then get an annual Spring trip on the calendar.
End Sidebar
Brewers Opening Week
No need to panic Brewer fans. Your best pitcher is on the DL and will be back sometime within the month, and good teams struggle in April. The Red Sox started 0-6 and nobody except their fans feels like they won't be in contention in September. Brewers will be fine too (and already look a ton better). All this stuff is a good reason why the baseball season starts about a month early in my opinion.
Final Four
The final four itself was pretty much a bust, although I managed to split first in a 15 person pool by virtue of Kentucky going to the final four. Unfortunately, those weren't the picks I posted on here, so only the other 14 guys in the pool know that I'm telling the truth. Bottom line, this year's tournament was more of a crapshoot than its ever been.
The biggest lesson I learned this year is that the mid-majors are killing the sport. These teams were everywhere, and Cinderella has jumped the shark. The VCU/Butler game was downright painful to watch, and I don't need to even write about the worst national championship game in history. Truly painful stuff.
The NBA is to blame here. Their stupid rule requiring players to be one year removed from high school has killed program continuity and allowed the Butler and VCU's of the world to have a chance. Much like I don't like TCU playing Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl, I'm a snob for bigtime college sports. Please don't expand the tournament any further, and when the NBA returns sometime in 2013 please allow high school players to make the jump right away.
Thursday/Friday at the Masters
The Masters is one of my absolute favorite events of the year. I've been watching it since I was about five years old, and used to love watching it with my grandpa. He's been gone 13 years this year, and the Masters always makes me think about how much I miss him. He got me into sports by taking me to Dodger and Laker games when my dad wouldn't, and I would've been lost in life without his teaching me about the true treat in life that sports are.
This year feels like a changing of the guard at Augusta. As Tiger charges up the leaderboard while I write this, I predict that one of McIlroy/Day/Fowler/Barnes holds him off to win the Masters this year. McIlroy would be particularly nice given that he's been pegged as the next great thing since he played in the Walker Cup when he was 17. Should be a fantastic weekend.
For the record, I've got a trip to Augusta for the Masters on my calendar for next year. Even if I don't get tickets through the lottery I'm going to go ahead and pay the $500 or so to go to Saturday's round. It's a great event with cheap beers and a party atmosphere. Pretty much a must for a sports fan even if you aren't a golf fan per se. I had a blast at the 2010 U.S. Open and can only imagine that August is 10 times better.
I feel like the Masters is the casual golf fan's favorite tournament because even people that don't watch that much golf recognize the back nine at Augusta. If you don't watch it yourself, your dad or grandpa probably did, and outside of Pebble Beach there really isn't a prettier setting in golf. There is nothing better than the back nine on Saturday and Sunday. You can argue with me all you want, but I think it's exciting as hell. Plus, where else can you see stuff like this?
NFL Lockout Update
The parties went to court on April 6 and not much happened. Judge Nelson needs a couple weeks to render a decision, and when she does the losing party will immediately appeal. This thing isn't looking good folks. Although I'd handicap the odds of a full season at 8.5-1 I still don't like the fact that it went into litigation at all.
The union is a union, and should be ruled a union (jesus, that sentence kind of reminded me of a line from one of Logan's children's books). Therefore, this dispute should be decided by the NLRB and the Antitrust lawsuit should be thrown out the window, and the parties should get back to the bargaining table under the federal labor laws. Litigation is for the weak and afraid, which is exactly what the players are.
NBA Playoff Preview
Simply stated, Bulls look unstoppable in the East, Lakers look unstoppable in the West (even on a 3-game losing streak).
I find the NBA playoffs to be much better drama than the average guy, and am able to sit through pretty much every game in every series from the second round on. Even half the first round series are semi-entertaining.
I don't see a team out there that can beat the Bulls. I just don't. Miami isn't deep enough and doesn't play enough defense, and the Celtics took themselves out of it by trading away their size.
In the West, only Oklahoma City has even a prayer of beating the Lakers, and it seems like both the Lakers and the other teams know it. Even if San Antonio smacks them around at home this week they still know they are done. This Spurs team reminds me of the run and gun D'Antoni Suns teams. Great in the regular season, good enough to maybe get to a conference final, but not a serious title contender. Let's just hope people try to behave themselves this June when the Lakers win their third title in a row.
Six titles for Kobe vaults him into the top 3 players in history. You can keep Jordan and Russell up there ahead of him, but nobody except those two can touch him. The guy is an assassin, and I sincerely hope he gets this title, because it will likely be his last. I feel like the Lakers' window closes after this year and it will be time to re-tool.
How good does the Hangover 2 trailer look? Usually you can tell that a sequel is going to suck just by watching the trailer, but this time these guys look like they legitimately wanted to make a second movie as good as the first. Can't wait.
Finally, if you haven't watched the "unedited" version of Charlie Sheen's 20/20 interview, click on it now. Anything this guy touches right now is comedic genius. He knows he's batshit crazy, doesn't give a shit, and is smart enough to spin his meltdown into a clever marketing ploy. I love it, and sincerely hope he manages to keep it together just enough to keep doing weird things for the next 5 years. I'll watch anything, and am really disappointed that the Violent Torpedo of Truth isn't coming to Los Angeles in the next 3 months.
Speaking of "Violent Torpedoes of Truth," I've got my own warlock-style U.S. tour coming up in a few weeks, and will try to provide a recap of each event after I recover. This is a more hectic Spring tour than I've booked in several years, I only hope I can keep up. The menu:
4/23: 9 hours of death metal in the desert with Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax
4/30: Alumni weekend in Santa Barbara
5/7: hiatus
5/14: Lazz's bachelor party in Chicago
5/21: East Coast swing to find an apartment in Baltimore
5/28: Memorial Day weekend festivities
6/5: San Diego Rock n Roll Half Marathon
6/11: Lazz's Wedding on a boat in Newport Beach
6/18: Depart on week-long road trip to Baltimore and will be covering 5 ballparks
My liver already hurts. Stay tuned.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
FAKE LIVE BLOG IV!- Final Four/Brewers-Reds Edition
So here I am. Home alone. Wife is off doing it with her friends or whatever (I assume this is what women do when their husbands aren't along). The Final Four is on. The first Brewer game not on while normal people work is on. What better time than now to give you a fake live blog/fake Simmon's style running diary. I am going to do this until I get tired of it, which may be a half hour, and may be five hours. Who knows? This first section is brought to you by Pasquale's International Cafe in De Pere, WI and their Windy City sandwich. It is a full half pound of Italian beef, onions, peppers and mozzarella cheese on a fresh hoagie roll. I had my Windy City cherry popped tonight, and I now know why the guy on the phone acted like I was retarded when I asked if it came with fries. So fucking good. If I fall asleep in like a half hour that is why. Also, this section is sponsored by New Glarus Brewing Co. Snowshoe Ale, which is what I'm drinking right now. Tasty as shit.
5:33-We pick it up after the 12 minute timeout in the first half of VCU-Butler, tied at 15 with 10:15 left. Hey, a Honda Crosstour isn't a bologna sandwich according to the commercial. Thanks for that.
5:36- Raised courts are awkward. It looks like the players are all giants.
5:38- Words along the side of the court. "And then there were four. Three. Two. One." Can I just say: What the fuck? Should I be surprised by this or something? Do the teams usually fuck each other and multiply? Look Houston. I know that you build rocket ships there or some shit, but get over yourselves. And do they even fly rockets anymore? Wake me when they land a manned spacecraft on Mars or something.
5:40- It kills Alicia Keyes that someone might not hear "Empire State of Mind" as if it was sung live. And only Beats Audio can give it to you. Or maybe she just wants to sell some computers. Whatever.
5:42- I'm predicting that if 75,000 show up for this round, 50,000 will be corporate assholes, 23,999 will be Kentucky assholes, 1 will be Ashley Judd. 1,000 will be Butler/VCU/UCONN fans.
5:44- Tied at 20 with 6:12 left. Am I the only one who thinks "skeet" when I hear Jamie Skeen?
5:46- Seriously, Butler was 14-9 at one point. How the fuck are they here?
5:47- Just saw the Butler student section. If I went to Butler, I would be the blackest person there.
5:48- 24-22 VCU. I love how media types lie about how they "saw it coming" that Butler would be a Final Four team after they beat UWM. Bull. Shit. Every media person goes 100% chalk on their brackets unless Duke is a 2 seed.
5:50- Shelvin Mack is "sharp as a steak knife" and just "sprayed VCU from deep". 25-24 Butler, 3:52 left in half.
5:53- Has anyone ever only eaten ONE peanut butter cup? I think not.
5:54- Butler inbounds. One second comes off the clock. Timeout. Back to commercial. Hate that.
5:55- Wake me when they invent a 3D TV I don't need to wear glasses to watch.
6:00- Guy in VCU crowd wearing Oakleys. Is it 1994?
6:01- I have an odd self-image. I still feel like these college players, some of whom are 12 years younger than me, are older than I am. What age do I stop feeling that?
6:02- Barbara Bush does not know where she is. To be fair, she looked the same way in 1992.
6:03- Fuck. I just rubbed my eyes and must've had some hot pepper juice on them. I can only see out of one eye.
6:04- Butler is winning the "glass eating game". Howard with an absurd two handed reverse lay-in. Butler 34-28. VCU fires a pass into the 19th row with 2.4 seconds left.
6:08- Halftime of the basketball game. Switch over to Brewer pregame. Of course, it is a fucking WMLW game, which means no HD. On the bright side, I just saw commercials for: Perry Mason, MASH, and Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I made none of those up.
6:09- This portion brought to you by Louie's Demise Ale by Milwaukee Brewing Company. Not as good as I remember. Definitely not as good as the Snowshoe Ale I just had. 6:11- I missed Brian Anderson. I did not miss Bill Schroeder.
6:12- (Sports Bottle's) God is this picture terrible. It looks like they are playing in a fucking snowstorm.
6:14- Nice three up three down for the Crew. Let me use this opportunity, if you have read this far, to invite you to follow us on Twitter. Myself: @Juicelaw_WI, Bear: @bearflash, Jon: @UCSB616. Twinkie has one too, but he only got one to follow me. I pretty much only tweet when I'm drinking or really, really bored. What a salesman!
6:15- Ueck in a Usinger sausage commercial. Classic. Speaking German, with heavy use of YAH! Good times.
6:17- Shaun Marcum just walked his first batter in a Brewer uniform. Welcome to Milwaukee!!
6:18- Marcum is on a "soft 80" pitch count. Sounds great.
6:19- Someone should tell Marcum that someone wiped their ass on his hat. Dude, it is game two. How does your hat get that dirty otherwise?
6:20- Drew Stubbs steals second, Wil Nieves who is a "great defensive catcher", bounces one 8 feet short on the throw. Then throws him out trying to steal third as I write. Never mind. Stealing third is dumb unless you are Rickey Henderson.
6:21- Marcum just destroyed Brandon Phillips with a slider. That was pretty.
6:22- Scott Rolen is 600 years old.
6:23- I would like Prince Fielder's beard/afro combination if he wasn't going to leave after the season.
6:24- Rolen just CRUSHED a 2 run homer. 2-0 Reds. Marcum's ERA is on pace to be like 27.00.
6:25- 4 pitch walk.
6:26- Back to hoops. It looks like Steve Kerr is sitting on Clark Kellogg's lap. Can we get a bigger table for these three? Jesus.
6:30- Do people still watch Survivor? Why? 34-31 Butler, 18:24 left. It appears from the PIP that Marcum finally got out of the inning.
6:31- Butler in 2nd half: 3 possessions, 3 turnovers. I've got the Brewer game on picture in picture small screen, Final Four on big screen.
6:32- VCU goes up 35-34 with 17:09 left. VCU started the first half on fire too, and Butler put them out.
6:34- By the way, "Fast Five". I purposely didn't swap to the Crew so I could watch the preview again. Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, The Rock, among others.
6:36- 33 year old Erick Almonte is making his first major league start for the Brewers since 2003, and his first EVER in the OF. Wow. Is he related to Danny Almonte? Did Danny shoot himself yet?
6:37- Back to hoops. Butler back up 36-35, 16:08 left.
6:38- Another hoop commercial. And now the Crew is also at commercial. And I had a really funny joke about Blake Griffing being Black/White/Native American/Ginger and it somehow got erased. Fuck.
6:42- Brewer game brought to you by Usinger's and Stienhafel's. No Germans in Wisconsin at all.
6:43- SKEET for three! 38-36 VCU, 14:44 left.
6:44- Skeet! And one! 41-39 VCU, 13:41 left.
6:46- 3-0 Reds Bottom of 2nd. Championship!
6:47- Brewers on big screen. Maybe Brandon Phillips just doesn't match up well with Marcum? 2nd K in 2 at bats.
6:48- Jesus Christ. Semi-difficult grounder to Weeks. Bounces one to Fielder, who should have caught it (hit him right in glove), and doesn't. 4-0 Reds. Fuck.
6:53- Butler back up 4. Skeet at the line.
6:54- I just tried to send a text to a buddy of mine named "Dan" and accidentally sent it to "Dad". Awkward. Fairly certain he doesn't know what a blog is so he's probably pretty confused.
6:55- Butler up 52-45 with 9:39 to go. Starting to get away from VCU again.
6:56- Meanwhile, Travis Wood just had a 7 pitch inning. SEVEN fucking pitches? Way to make him work Crew.
6:57- Speaking of seven. It is VCU's biggest deficit of the tournament. That is crazy. Matt Howard just picked up his 4th foul with 9:15 left.
7:02- It is strange to look into the Brewer dugout and not see Ken Macha's blank stare.
7:05- The National Championship tips at 8:23 CST. If you grow up on the East coast in the 00's or 10's, you will never get to see "One Shining Moment", and you will be missing out. That was a shout out to all of our 12 year old readers. Speaking of 12 year olds, I nearly got kicked out of my fantasy baseball league with the old guys because someone let a 12 year old join and I had an expletive laden message board post. I was promptly yelled at by everyone else. My response was of course: Fuck You. Then I got a personal email from my neighbor who yelled at me even more. I declared I am never posting again in the league. It is too fun to quit, plus I've got 20 bucks on it.
7:11- Skeet! For three! And one! 61-57 Butler, 2:32 left.
7:14- Braun hasn't given up. Beat out an infield single for the Crew's first hit. I bet he'd be even faster if he cut that gawd awful hair of his.
7:17- Butler at the line up 63-57 with 47.3 left. Probably all she wrote. Two FT's for Butler, and a VCU turnover. Ballgame. Butler in TWO STRAIGHT NCAA Championship games. Somewhere, Satan is having a good time with Brad Stevens' soul.
7:19- I'm starting to get a little sore already. Time for a short break.
7:25- Hey Oh! Erick Almonte hits an upper decker. 4-1 Reds, Top of 5.
7:26- This section is brought to you by New Glarus Back 40 Bock.
7:27- I was just informed that it has been EIGHT years to the day since Almonte's last homer. Which was also his FIRST homer.
7:32- Yikes. Steve Harvey hosts Family Fued now?
7:33- Seems like as good a time as any to tell you that I'm headed to Milwaukee next Sunday with my brother to watch FIBs get hammered on two martinis and then fight each other. Or as it is also known, our 3rd annual Brewers-Cubs trip. Aviators, popped collars underneath T-shirts, and BMWs owned by someone else will be plentiful because FIBs will be. I love/hate going to Brewer-Cubs games because Cub "fans" show up in droves because they can't tailgate or drink anything but Old Style at Wrigley, or as the t-shirt that I bought a few years back says " The World's Largest Gay Bar". In other news, I hate FIBs.
7:38- Jonny Gomes takes a chest high fastball for ball four. Schroeder "Don't know where that one missed." Classic. He will say that at least 700 more times this year. That'll be it for Marcum. 4 2/3, 4R, 3ER, career high 5 BB. Awesome.
7:40- Judge Hatchett, weekdays at 8am on WMLW. They need to stop making these shows.
7:43- This just in. At 8, my PIP will be over, unless I want to switch to "Eat, Pray, Love", which is being recorded on my DVR. I will think about it.
7:44- Back on CBS, Jimmer Fradette is accepting the player of the year award, his hair actually came to accept it in Jimmer's place.
7:45- The picture on this standard def channel is so bad that Rickie Weeks is at the plate, and between the Navy road alternate unis and the black advertisement behind the plate, I literally can not see his head as he bats.
7:47- And Carlos Gomez strikes out. I just lost a bet.
7:48- I think Russell Brand is funny. The previews for his movies always look good even though I'm pretty sure I've never actually seen one that he starred in. "Arthur" looks funny, and I'm aware it is a re-make. Perhaps I'm too young to be offended by this, because I don't believe I've ever seen the original, or if I did, it didn't resonate to me. I'm told I should be offended.
7:50- Interview with Shaka Smart. His team lost, but he doesn't have to give up his awesome name. 7:52- Sergio Mitre has a "slurvy slider". Wouldn't that make it a slider? Or at least a slurvder?
7:58- One. Two. Three for Mitre. Let me switch over to basketball to see if Four is next.
7:59- Which coach will commit the most NCAA violations during the game tonight? Calhoun or Calipari? I will take Calhoun and the points.
8:01- Prince Fielder is really good at the plate. A one-handed single up the middle on a slider down and away.
8:02- Calipari just committed an NCAA violation on Tracy Wolfson. How does someone with Wolfson's accent get her job? I mean, I know how she probably got her job, but still, she talks like fucking Snookie.
8:04- Aroldis Chapman up in the pen. I'm excited to see if he can hit 125 mph tonight.
8:05- Jay Bruce just made a ridiculous play to rob a foul ball from McGehee. Corey Hart/replacement RF-X makes that play 0 out of 100 times.
8:06- Over/Under on Ashley Judd sightings is set at 1.5. I will take the over. Cameras are panning, but haven't found her yet to my knowledge. She needs to fire her PR person. Speaking of actresses, I need to get this off my chest too. Fucking Natalie Portman has been in like 30 movies in the last year. Does she fucking sleep? What the fuck? Off the top of my head she was in: Black Swan, that bullshit romantic comedy where she fucked Ashton Kutcher, this bullshit medieval movie with Kenny Powers in it, and Thor, in the last like six months. Thor and the Kenny Powers movie open like a week apart in the next month. I'm sure there is a logical explanation, like there are two of her, or she has the power to teleport, or she is an alien or something, but it is getting scary. I half expect her to show up in the dugout of this Brewer game.
8:12- 2nd semifinal has tipped. Calhoun just slipped the ref a bennie.
8:13- I feel like Kentucky is a little more complete than UCONN. I base this on having seen each of them play about 2.5 times this season, and broad speculation.
8:17- Kemba Walker is good. 8-5 UCONN, 15:49 left.
8:18- Why are they going to commercial on Lady GaGa "Born This Way"? It makes no sense. 8:19- Fast Five!!
8:20- Still 4-1 Reds, Top of 8th. Craig Counsell is up with one on. So it is about to be 4-3. Nope.
8:23- The remainder of this, however much there may be, will be sponsored by Miller Lite and his brother Miller Lite.
8:24- Gigantic white Centers are a precious commodity. Especially ones that have a bit of game. 10-9 UK, 12:19 left.
8:25- Guy on the Miller Lite "Man up" commercial that "Worries about his hair" has the same hair as Ryan Braun. Also, Pauly D has similar hair.
8:26- Miller Lite is my only friend. 8:27- Magic Johnson is comfortable in his own skin. And he cured AIDS.
8:28- UCONN has 6 Turnovers and 5 FG attempts. That seems inefficient.
8:29- Kentucky is now 1-7 from 3. It seems like 1-100. An they were all bricks. Still up 12-11.
8:32- Top of the 9th in Cincy. Cordero on. As not great as Frankie is, I have a feeling we are going to be watching Matlock on WMLW soon.
8:33- Ooooh. Leadoff single for CarGo. Brian Anderson claims the "Boo Birds are out". I hear no such thing.
8:35- Cordero bounced a couple of splitters, and Anderson might be right. I think they want Chapman and his 132 mph fastball.
8:36- Holy shit, Phillips with an insane diving stab of a Braun liner, backhand flip. But Braun beats it out at first. One out.
8:37- Meanwhile, Kentucky apparently started running Bo Ryan's swing offense, because they haven't scored in over 4 minutes. 17-12 UCONN, 8:12 left in first half. The first game was played at a MUCH higher level.
8:38- Prince grounds softly to second, two outs.
8:39- McGehee with an RBI single. 4-2 Reds. Erick Almonte and his 2 career HRs in 8 fucking years is the "tying run". Of course 1 of those homers was tonight but still.
8:41- Jesus. Strike three (or ball 2 as the umpire called it) was right down the middle. And he swings and misses at the next pitch, 4-2 Reds final. Brewers are on pace to go 0-162. I think I'm done. Sleep tight kids.
8:56- Goddammit. I hit post, and the fucking thing eliminated all the spaces, so I just wasted 10 minutes putting them back in. You're welcome.
5:33-We pick it up after the 12 minute timeout in the first half of VCU-Butler, tied at 15 with 10:15 left. Hey, a Honda Crosstour isn't a bologna sandwich according to the commercial. Thanks for that.
5:36- Raised courts are awkward. It looks like the players are all giants.
5:38- Words along the side of the court. "And then there were four. Three. Two. One." Can I just say: What the fuck? Should I be surprised by this or something? Do the teams usually fuck each other and multiply? Look Houston. I know that you build rocket ships there or some shit, but get over yourselves. And do they even fly rockets anymore? Wake me when they land a manned spacecraft on Mars or something.
5:40- It kills Alicia Keyes that someone might not hear "Empire State of Mind" as if it was sung live. And only Beats Audio can give it to you. Or maybe she just wants to sell some computers. Whatever.
5:42- I'm predicting that if 75,000 show up for this round, 50,000 will be corporate assholes, 23,999 will be Kentucky assholes, 1 will be Ashley Judd. 1,000 will be Butler/VCU/UCONN fans.
5:44- Tied at 20 with 6:12 left. Am I the only one who thinks "skeet" when I hear Jamie Skeen?
5:46- Seriously, Butler was 14-9 at one point. How the fuck are they here?
5:47- Just saw the Butler student section. If I went to Butler, I would be the blackest person there.
5:48- 24-22 VCU. I love how media types lie about how they "saw it coming" that Butler would be a Final Four team after they beat UWM. Bull. Shit. Every media person goes 100% chalk on their brackets unless Duke is a 2 seed.
5:50- Shelvin Mack is "sharp as a steak knife" and just "sprayed VCU from deep". 25-24 Butler, 3:52 left in half.
5:53- Has anyone ever only eaten ONE peanut butter cup? I think not.
5:54- Butler inbounds. One second comes off the clock. Timeout. Back to commercial. Hate that.
5:55- Wake me when they invent a 3D TV I don't need to wear glasses to watch.
6:00- Guy in VCU crowd wearing Oakleys. Is it 1994?
6:01- I have an odd self-image. I still feel like these college players, some of whom are 12 years younger than me, are older than I am. What age do I stop feeling that?
6:02- Barbara Bush does not know where she is. To be fair, she looked the same way in 1992.
6:03- Fuck. I just rubbed my eyes and must've had some hot pepper juice on them. I can only see out of one eye.
6:04- Butler is winning the "glass eating game". Howard with an absurd two handed reverse lay-in. Butler 34-28. VCU fires a pass into the 19th row with 2.4 seconds left.
6:08- Halftime of the basketball game. Switch over to Brewer pregame. Of course, it is a fucking WMLW game, which means no HD. On the bright side, I just saw commercials for: Perry Mason, MASH, and Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I made none of those up.
6:09- This portion brought to you by Louie's Demise Ale by Milwaukee Brewing Company. Not as good as I remember. Definitely not as good as the Snowshoe Ale I just had. 6:11- I missed Brian Anderson. I did not miss Bill Schroeder.
6:12- (Sports Bottle's) God is this picture terrible. It looks like they are playing in a fucking snowstorm.
6:14- Nice three up three down for the Crew. Let me use this opportunity, if you have read this far, to invite you to follow us on Twitter. Myself: @Juicelaw_WI, Bear: @bearflash, Jon: @UCSB616. Twinkie has one too, but he only got one to follow me. I pretty much only tweet when I'm drinking or really, really bored. What a salesman!
6:15- Ueck in a Usinger sausage commercial. Classic. Speaking German, with heavy use of YAH! Good times.
6:17- Shaun Marcum just walked his first batter in a Brewer uniform. Welcome to Milwaukee!!
6:18- Marcum is on a "soft 80" pitch count. Sounds great.
6:19- Someone should tell Marcum that someone wiped their ass on his hat. Dude, it is game two. How does your hat get that dirty otherwise?
6:20- Drew Stubbs steals second, Wil Nieves who is a "great defensive catcher", bounces one 8 feet short on the throw. Then throws him out trying to steal third as I write. Never mind. Stealing third is dumb unless you are Rickey Henderson.
6:21- Marcum just destroyed Brandon Phillips with a slider. That was pretty.
6:22- Scott Rolen is 600 years old.
6:23- I would like Prince Fielder's beard/afro combination if he wasn't going to leave after the season.
6:24- Rolen just CRUSHED a 2 run homer. 2-0 Reds. Marcum's ERA is on pace to be like 27.00.
6:25- 4 pitch walk.
6:26- Back to hoops. It looks like Steve Kerr is sitting on Clark Kellogg's lap. Can we get a bigger table for these three? Jesus.
6:30- Do people still watch Survivor? Why? 34-31 Butler, 18:24 left. It appears from the PIP that Marcum finally got out of the inning.
6:31- Butler in 2nd half: 3 possessions, 3 turnovers. I've got the Brewer game on picture in picture small screen, Final Four on big screen.
6:32- VCU goes up 35-34 with 17:09 left. VCU started the first half on fire too, and Butler put them out.
6:34- By the way, "Fast Five". I purposely didn't swap to the Crew so I could watch the preview again. Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, The Rock, among others.
6:36- 33 year old Erick Almonte is making his first major league start for the Brewers since 2003, and his first EVER in the OF. Wow. Is he related to Danny Almonte? Did Danny shoot himself yet?
6:37- Back to hoops. Butler back up 36-35, 16:08 left.
6:38- Another hoop commercial. And now the Crew is also at commercial. And I had a really funny joke about Blake Griffing being Black/White/Native American/Ginger and it somehow got erased. Fuck.
6:42- Brewer game brought to you by Usinger's and Stienhafel's. No Germans in Wisconsin at all.
6:43- SKEET for three! 38-36 VCU, 14:44 left.
6:44- Skeet! And one! 41-39 VCU, 13:41 left.
6:46- 3-0 Reds Bottom of 2nd. Championship!
6:47- Brewers on big screen. Maybe Brandon Phillips just doesn't match up well with Marcum? 2nd K in 2 at bats.
6:48- Jesus Christ. Semi-difficult grounder to Weeks. Bounces one to Fielder, who should have caught it (hit him right in glove), and doesn't. 4-0 Reds. Fuck.
6:53- Butler back up 4. Skeet at the line.
6:54- I just tried to send a text to a buddy of mine named "Dan" and accidentally sent it to "Dad". Awkward. Fairly certain he doesn't know what a blog is so he's probably pretty confused.
6:55- Butler up 52-45 with 9:39 to go. Starting to get away from VCU again.
6:56- Meanwhile, Travis Wood just had a 7 pitch inning. SEVEN fucking pitches? Way to make him work Crew.
6:57- Speaking of seven. It is VCU's biggest deficit of the tournament. That is crazy. Matt Howard just picked up his 4th foul with 9:15 left.
7:02- It is strange to look into the Brewer dugout and not see Ken Macha's blank stare.
7:05- The National Championship tips at 8:23 CST. If you grow up on the East coast in the 00's or 10's, you will never get to see "One Shining Moment", and you will be missing out. That was a shout out to all of our 12 year old readers. Speaking of 12 year olds, I nearly got kicked out of my fantasy baseball league with the old guys because someone let a 12 year old join and I had an expletive laden message board post. I was promptly yelled at by everyone else. My response was of course: Fuck You. Then I got a personal email from my neighbor who yelled at me even more. I declared I am never posting again in the league. It is too fun to quit, plus I've got 20 bucks on it.
7:11- Skeet! For three! And one! 61-57 Butler, 2:32 left.
7:14- Braun hasn't given up. Beat out an infield single for the Crew's first hit. I bet he'd be even faster if he cut that gawd awful hair of his.
7:17- Butler at the line up 63-57 with 47.3 left. Probably all she wrote. Two FT's for Butler, and a VCU turnover. Ballgame. Butler in TWO STRAIGHT NCAA Championship games. Somewhere, Satan is having a good time with Brad Stevens' soul.
7:19- I'm starting to get a little sore already. Time for a short break.
7:25- Hey Oh! Erick Almonte hits an upper decker. 4-1 Reds, Top of 5.
7:26- This section is brought to you by New Glarus Back 40 Bock.
7:27- I was just informed that it has been EIGHT years to the day since Almonte's last homer. Which was also his FIRST homer.
7:32- Yikes. Steve Harvey hosts Family Fued now?
7:33- Seems like as good a time as any to tell you that I'm headed to Milwaukee next Sunday with my brother to watch FIBs get hammered on two martinis and then fight each other. Or as it is also known, our 3rd annual Brewers-Cubs trip. Aviators, popped collars underneath T-shirts, and BMWs owned by someone else will be plentiful because FIBs will be. I love/hate going to Brewer-Cubs games because Cub "fans" show up in droves because they can't tailgate or drink anything but Old Style at Wrigley, or as the t-shirt that I bought a few years back says " The World's Largest Gay Bar". In other news, I hate FIBs.
7:38- Jonny Gomes takes a chest high fastball for ball four. Schroeder "Don't know where that one missed." Classic. He will say that at least 700 more times this year. That'll be it for Marcum. 4 2/3, 4R, 3ER, career high 5 BB. Awesome.
7:40- Judge Hatchett, weekdays at 8am on WMLW. They need to stop making these shows.
7:43- This just in. At 8, my PIP will be over, unless I want to switch to "Eat, Pray, Love", which is being recorded on my DVR. I will think about it.
7:44- Back on CBS, Jimmer Fradette is accepting the player of the year award, his hair actually came to accept it in Jimmer's place.
7:45- The picture on this standard def channel is so bad that Rickie Weeks is at the plate, and between the Navy road alternate unis and the black advertisement behind the plate, I literally can not see his head as he bats.
7:47- And Carlos Gomez strikes out. I just lost a bet.
7:48- I think Russell Brand is funny. The previews for his movies always look good even though I'm pretty sure I've never actually seen one that he starred in. "Arthur" looks funny, and I'm aware it is a re-make. Perhaps I'm too young to be offended by this, because I don't believe I've ever seen the original, or if I did, it didn't resonate to me. I'm told I should be offended.
7:50- Interview with Shaka Smart. His team lost, but he doesn't have to give up his awesome name. 7:52- Sergio Mitre has a "slurvy slider". Wouldn't that make it a slider? Or at least a slurvder?
7:58- One. Two. Three for Mitre. Let me switch over to basketball to see if Four is next.
7:59- Which coach will commit the most NCAA violations during the game tonight? Calhoun or Calipari? I will take Calhoun and the points.
8:01- Prince Fielder is really good at the plate. A one-handed single up the middle on a slider down and away.
8:02- Calipari just committed an NCAA violation on Tracy Wolfson. How does someone with Wolfson's accent get her job? I mean, I know how she probably got her job, but still, she talks like fucking Snookie.
8:04- Aroldis Chapman up in the pen. I'm excited to see if he can hit 125 mph tonight.
8:05- Jay Bruce just made a ridiculous play to rob a foul ball from McGehee. Corey Hart/replacement RF-X makes that play 0 out of 100 times.
8:06- Over/Under on Ashley Judd sightings is set at 1.5. I will take the over. Cameras are panning, but haven't found her yet to my knowledge. She needs to fire her PR person. Speaking of actresses, I need to get this off my chest too. Fucking Natalie Portman has been in like 30 movies in the last year. Does she fucking sleep? What the fuck? Off the top of my head she was in: Black Swan, that bullshit romantic comedy where she fucked Ashton Kutcher, this bullshit medieval movie with Kenny Powers in it, and Thor, in the last like six months. Thor and the Kenny Powers movie open like a week apart in the next month. I'm sure there is a logical explanation, like there are two of her, or she has the power to teleport, or she is an alien or something, but it is getting scary. I half expect her to show up in the dugout of this Brewer game.
8:12- 2nd semifinal has tipped. Calhoun just slipped the ref a bennie.
8:13- I feel like Kentucky is a little more complete than UCONN. I base this on having seen each of them play about 2.5 times this season, and broad speculation.
8:17- Kemba Walker is good. 8-5 UCONN, 15:49 left.
8:18- Why are they going to commercial on Lady GaGa "Born This Way"? It makes no sense. 8:19- Fast Five!!
8:20- Still 4-1 Reds, Top of 8th. Craig Counsell is up with one on. So it is about to be 4-3. Nope.
8:23- The remainder of this, however much there may be, will be sponsored by Miller Lite and his brother Miller Lite.
8:24- Gigantic white Centers are a precious commodity. Especially ones that have a bit of game. 10-9 UK, 12:19 left.
8:25- Guy on the Miller Lite "Man up" commercial that "Worries about his hair" has the same hair as Ryan Braun. Also, Pauly D has similar hair.
8:26- Miller Lite is my only friend. 8:27- Magic Johnson is comfortable in his own skin. And he cured AIDS.
8:28- UCONN has 6 Turnovers and 5 FG attempts. That seems inefficient.
8:29- Kentucky is now 1-7 from 3. It seems like 1-100. An they were all bricks. Still up 12-11.
8:32- Top of the 9th in Cincy. Cordero on. As not great as Frankie is, I have a feeling we are going to be watching Matlock on WMLW soon.
8:33- Ooooh. Leadoff single for CarGo. Brian Anderson claims the "Boo Birds are out". I hear no such thing.
8:35- Cordero bounced a couple of splitters, and Anderson might be right. I think they want Chapman and his 132 mph fastball.
8:36- Holy shit, Phillips with an insane diving stab of a Braun liner, backhand flip. But Braun beats it out at first. One out.
8:37- Meanwhile, Kentucky apparently started running Bo Ryan's swing offense, because they haven't scored in over 4 minutes. 17-12 UCONN, 8:12 left in first half. The first game was played at a MUCH higher level.
8:38- Prince grounds softly to second, two outs.
8:39- McGehee with an RBI single. 4-2 Reds. Erick Almonte and his 2 career HRs in 8 fucking years is the "tying run". Of course 1 of those homers was tonight but still.
8:41- Jesus. Strike three (or ball 2 as the umpire called it) was right down the middle. And he swings and misses at the next pitch, 4-2 Reds final. Brewers are on pace to go 0-162. I think I'm done. Sleep tight kids.
8:56- Goddammit. I hit post, and the fucking thing eliminated all the spaces, so I just wasted 10 minutes putting them back in. You're welcome.
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