Friday, April 22, 2011

Best Investment Ever?

No, I'm actually not referring to the Brewers signing Ryan Braun to a gigantic extension through 2020 (more on that in a second). I'm referring to the Ryan Braun jersey that I purchased two years ago. I'm always tormented when I go to buy a jersey of another grown man. Mostly because I don't want to get stuck with a horrible jersey a year or two later.

That $75 or whatever it was was sweet. I'm going to get TWELVE years out of that fucker. It might actually fall apart before he's gone or dead! I actually wish I would've dropped $200 on an authentic one now.

Onto the signing itself. I LOVE the message it sends, and I love Ryan Braun. Also I love Mark Attanasio. Honestly, in 2019 when Braun is making something like $16 million, it might end up badly. But would you rather have Braun making $16 million in 2019, or a 350 lb first basement making 20? Does this have anything to do with Prince? Probably not, but I feel a little bit like there might be a message here to Prince and to other Brewer players present and future. If you play well, and want to play here, we will try to pay you. Braun expressed an interest to be a Brewer for life, even though he just signed an extension through 2015 like five minutes ago. In exchange for a little more money now, he gave up the right to hold a gun to the Brewer's head in 4 years, and potentially make a little more money for the last few years. It is possible if Braun continues to progress, and inflation continues, he might have made $25 mil or so by the end of this thing. The message to Prince is "We gave you this offer two years ago and you balked because Boras promised you more money, so fuck you. We aren't giving you anything." Now, it is very questionable whether this message will mean anything. Because someone is probably going to be paying Fielder what he wants. But the Brewers likely could've waited on this. I feel like they wanted Fielder around when they gave Braun $10 million extra dollars yesterday.

Seriously though, this deal is another in a long line of deals that would've never happened under previous ownership. There is a serious commitment to winning, and a serious commitment to keeping their stars, that hasn't ever been seen in Milwaukee. I'm thrilled about that, even if Braun is hitting .212 in limited playing time in 2020.


I'm not a Dodger fan, so I can just sit back an laugh at that disaster. I did want to throw this out though. Was McCourt "borrowing money for payroll", which seemed to clearly be a cry for help (if this is in fact true), done with the intent to get MLB to step in, thereby likely driving down the value of the Dodgers? Here is my thinking. He is going through a horrendous divorce. I can speak from experience that people that are going through a divorce lose their fucking minds. They will do idiotic things, that cost them thousands of dollars (for a normal person, millions for the McCourts), just so the spouse gets less. In this case, since Ms. McCourt is entitled to half, would the absurdly rich Frank drive down the value of this asset to fuck over Ms. McCourt? Probably not, since the Dodgers might only be a drop in the bucket for these two rich assholes. But as I said, people in the midst of a divorce are fucking insane.


Yes, I watch the Real World. It is one of the perks to being married to a woman that would watch just about anything if there was an MTV logo in the corner. I have an excuse to watch the Real World (because I'm forced to. What am I supposed to do, go in the bedroom? The TV is all small in there!). Anyway, this season has been really solid. We've been waiting since episode one for this one kid Dustin's big secret to be revealed. Which is that he's been in gay porn. Which is fucking hilarious. We see on the previews that it gets revealed in the next episode. The snippet might have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on TV, but let me set it up for you if you haven't seen the show at all.

Dustin is a gooney white dude from the South. He immediately started a "relationship" with a girl on the show, and they've been "hooking up" (I added the quotes because what I really meant is that they have known each other for five minutes, have been locked in a suite at the Hard Rock, got bored and drunk and fucked a whole bunch). So by all accounts he is straight. In the preview they show, the girl says "Is there something you want to tell me about your past?" Response (sounds like it is in his head) "She knows!". Girl "You are all over the Internet having sex. With guys." Dustin's response (which should win him a fucking Emmy) "A guy."

There you have it. In 2011, you aren't gay if you only had sex with ONE guy. I texted my brother "Best justification for gay porn ever." He replied "He could've told her he wasn't the catcher." Which would've been good too. You should probably watch next Thursday at 9 central, or one of the 7500 times they replay it. It is going to be epic. Prediction: he talks his way out of it and the girl fucks him again by the end of the episode because she is a stupid whore.


UCSB616 said...

I am a dodger fan, and I can tell you that everyone is rejoicing over this. One thing you are mistaken about is frank and Jamie McCourt are NOT rich. They are assholes, but not rich assholes.

They bought a baseball team with a credit card and paid the price. They are the perfect example of living so cal rich. Buy a house (or 12) you can't afford and then declare bankruptcy. They never had cash, and leveraged the purchase on future earnings from it that didn't pan out.

It was a great day for the fans because the new owners are going to turn the Dodgers into Yankees west. Zelig will make sure of that. Funny thing is, anntanasio wanted to buy and should have been approved to buy the dodgers. Brewers lucked out there.

As for Braun, he's one of my favorite players, and I'm glad the brewers were able to get him signed for the rest of his career. Well done. New dodger owners will be the ones paying fat prince or pujols.

Juicelaw said...

The Dodgers have no excuse not to be Yankees west. My McCourt idea was throwing shit against a wall. I don't really know about thier finances. I thought FOX has something to do with the ownership? Or I am wrong?

UCSB616 said...

Fox doesn't have anything to do with ownership. They were the previous owner.

Fox's involvement is they were trying to "lend" McCourt $400 million to cover his personal debts. They were going to do this by creating a Dodgers T.V. network. Selig said no because he was certain the funds wouldn't go into the product on the field.

This guy is a real piece of work. He is getting ripped apart in the media here. Now he's filed a lawsuit against MLB for the sole purpose of recovering something in a settlement so he can go away. He's desperate, and it was actually a pretty smart move. MLB will pay him a few million to go away. He'll use that to pay his divorce attorneys (who sued him last week).

UCSB616 said...

BTW I had a court appearance one day and caught a bit of the divorce trial. It was pretty interesting how they were going at each other for being broke and living "ghetto rich."

Juicelaw said...

I HATE people going through divorces. Can't fucking stand them. They are grown up children. Meanwhile, the actual children are bargaining chips.