Monday, May 30, 2011


This morning I had a post planned out in my mind based on my work at a beer stand last night. Then I open up my laptop to find that The Vest has resigned amid the shitstorm at Ohio State. It isn't that often that anything makes you stop and say "Whoa." in sports anymore. But the resignation of one of the most famous football coaches at one of the biggest universities in the country will make you do that. My sincerest hope is that a whole bunch of players go down with him and that Ohio St needs a year or two to reload. Because Buckeyes are terrible human beings. That is all.
What I was going to post about today is how people are assholes. This shouldn't come as much of a surprise. If you've dealt with anything resembling a human in your lifetime, you will realize that people are assholes. Also, they are fucking cheap. I never considered myself a big spender. In the grand scheme of things, I would probably say that I lean towards being cheap because that is how I was brought up. However, after last night, my eyes have been open to cheap, inconsiderate assholes, and I have gained a greater appreciation for bartenders.
Last night I bartended at a festival in the city I live in. I was doing it for charity. I didn't get paid (other than I got a little free food and all the beer I wanted to drink. And I was too busy to drink much). All tips went to charity. My wife and I both donated six hours of time on a beautiful holiday weekend to help raise some money. And we were BUSY. Really running our asses off all night. When I say "bartend", I mean I opened cans of beer, and poured tap beer. I wasn't making mixers or anything. So anyway, when I order a drink at a bar. Whether that is at a festival or a bar, I tip. I had assumed this was a normal response. If my beer is $3.50, and I give a $5, I will usually leave the change as a tip. At the very least I would leave a $1 every time I order a drink. I had assumed that was common courtesy. But I guess not. I am willing to bet that I probably served 500 or so beers myself last night. I bet 10 people tipped. Fucking ridiculous. Just mind-boggling to me. I suppose this means that these people are like this everywhere, and that myself and my ilk are generally speaking, "big tippers". Anyway, people are cheap dicks.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that despite the large garbage barrels, which were emptied about every 10 minutes. I had to don rubber gloves and pick up thousands of empty beer cans because the people that didn't tip couldn't be troubled to throw away their own fucking garbage.
As for my new found respect for bartenders. People are impatient dicks. It is impossible to know as a bartender to know who was "there first" when there is hundreds of people waving cash at you for five straight hours. I'm not going to give bartenders attitude any more. I'm not going to be that bitch that says "Um, Hellllloooooo!!! Is nobody serving this line or what????" My response? "I don't see any lines lady, I will get to you in a minute." Then I purposely go to someone else next. Did I mention I got almost no tips?
"The Fighter": Pretty awesome. I don't think Mark Wahlberg has been in a bad movie. If Christian Bale has, I can't recall that either. Definitely should see it if you haven't. Also, no boxing movie has ever sucked.
"No Strings Attached": A chickflick special! As chick flicks go, it could've been worse. The premise is stupid, but there were moments that made me chuckle. I don't hate Ashton Kutcher even though I probably should. And Queen Amidala is in it. If your wife/girlfriend is going to force you to watch a shitty movie, you could do worse.
Large plastic cups filled with Bicardi Limon and Sprite.
MGD 64 Lemonade. Fucking terrible.

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